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It was a silent walk to the terminal, both Eddie and Buck not really knowing quite what to say in this moment. Neither of them has ever been put in a situation like this with each other. Buck sighs as they slowly come to a stop, right before Eddie makes his way through security knowing he can’t follow his best friend through to the gate.
“Guess this is my stop. Should’ve bought a ticket just to see you all the way to the plane.” Buck elbows Eddie’s side jokingly, but Eddie is looking straight ahead feeling a charged energy between the two of them right now that even he can’t explain.
Buck drops his head after no response from the other man and quietly says. “I’m gonna be honest, Eddie…I don’t know how I’m gonna do this without you.”
Eddie, who had been actively avoiding Buck’s gaze, finally makes eye contact with his best friend.
“Oh come on, Buck! I’ll only be gone a couple of weeks to finalize everything. It’s not like this is the last time you’re gonna see me. You still have to help me pack up the house!”
Eddie tries to say teasingly, but even to his ears it fell flat.
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about, Eds.”
Before Eddie can get a chance to ask what Buck is talking about, Buck continues.
“And before you say anything, I never want you to think I don’t support you or your decision to go to El Paso. I know how much Chris means to you. The love I have for that kid isn’t even a fraction of what you have for him. So, it only makes sense for you to go and fight for your son.” Buck is rambling and he knows it, but once he starts, he knows he won’t be able to stop. “And I know this sounds selfish and I know I have no right to be, but god Eddie, you’re one of the only constants in my life and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with you gone.”
He tries and fails to not get emotional but the overwhelming feeling of being abandoned again crept in and has now firmly latched on to the forefront of his mind.
He looks away from Eddie for just a moment, draws in a deep breath and with tears in his eyes he glances up at the one person he thought would never leave.
“How do I live without you here?”
Eddie doesn’t hesitate before he rests his hand in the crook of Buck’s shoulder, thumb falling to his collarbone, landing where it always does.
“Buck, I—you’re the strongest person I know. You’ll be fine without me here. And it’s not like you’ll never see me again; you can always come visit me and Chris and we’ll visit too!”
Eddie pauses, hoping that Buck can truly feel the importance, the sincerity of his next words.
“You are one of the most important people in my life, and I genuinely don’t know how I would have survived without you the last 7 years.” Eddie thinks back on every brush with death they’ve had between the two of them and grimaces. “Fuck, I don’t think I would have survived without you actually.”
Eddie can feel the emotions rising within him, and when he looks up, sees those same emotions on his best friend’s face reflecting back at him.
“You saved me, Buck. In more ways than one. And I don’t think you truly understand the weight of what that means to me.”
Eddie squeezes Buck’s shoulder just a little. Whether it’s to comfort Buck or to comfort himself he’s not quite sure. He briefly wonders what the two of them look like to other airport goers but knows that this conversation is too important to care about it.
There are so many words, so many emotions swirling between the two men in this very moment that they just spend a few moments to rein them in before the dam breaks.
Buck is the first one to finally break the silence.
“I hate this, Eddie. I hate that you’re leaving. But I love you. And you know I love Christopher. I just…want you to be happy. So I’m letting you go.” The words Eddie spoke to Chris only three months prior still ringing in his ears. “But you know you will always have a home here. With me. With us—the 118. We’re still your family even if we are 802 miles apart.”
Eddie sadly laughs.
“You looked it up.”
Buck fondly rolls his eyes.
“Of course I looked it up, Eddie who do you think you’re talking to?”
Eddie pulls the taller man into a hug, knowing after the brief but intense conversation they just had in the middle of the airport, that they both need to feel each other’s presence right now. He whispers in his ear, needing to say these words more than anything.
“Thank you for always being a constant in our lives, Evan. You’ll always matter to us. No matter what.”
Buck’s grip tightens on the back of Eddie’s shirt at hearing his name and the words that followed come from Eddie’s mouth. The weight of what it means lingering between the two of them.
Buck takes a step back, mindful to keep his hand resting on Eddie’s shoulder.
“It’s time for you to go see our boy now.” Buck reluctantly lets go of Eddie. “Give him a hug for me, will ya?”
Eddie grabs the handle of his luggage getting ready to cross the security line, one less thing separating him and being with his son again.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you as a best friend, Buck, but I’ll forever be grateful for it.” He pauses. “I’ll call you when I land?”
Buck wipes the tears in his eyes before they can fall as he answers.
“I’d like that.”
Eddie turns around to go to his gate but not before giving a small wave back to Buck, who sadly waves back.
As Eddie continues through the airport, the distance between the duo that is BuckandEddie growing, he ponders on Buck’s previous words; knowing that Buck is just as much a constant in his life as he said Eddie was to him. Eddie smiles.
On the other side of the glass, Buck also ponders over the same words, wondering why this particular constant in his life has left him feeling like the other half of his heart is now gone. Buck doesn’t understand this gaping hole in his chest, and why does this hurt more than anything else in his life? He finally turns towards the exit and walks to where his jeep is parked. He sits and waits in the parking lot, watching as Eddie’s plane leaves.
And when he no longer can see the plane in the sky, he allows himself to feel the weight of what just happened. Buck finally lets himself cry.