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“I’m telling you, she shot Pesto the bird,” Louise ranted while viciously stirring the cake batter. Though she passionately defended the mercilessness of her niece, she kept her voice low for her nephew Griffin, whose sticky hands were reaching up to help her bake (or, more accurately, swipe from the sugar bowl when she wasn’t looking).
“Ava’s a baby,” Tina scolded, taking a break from hanging streamers to pat her daughter’s back. “Even if she did do that, she wouldn’t know what it means.”
“Don’t count her out. After all, she takes after her best aunt.”
The four had eaten at Pesto’s to hopefully knock out two birds with one stone: have brunch before the party preparations that afternoon and quell Jimmy’s pestering about seeing his grandchildren more often. It was… sweet? Louise guessed, that even though he wasn’t a great dad, Jimmy was shaping into a fine grandparent.
Didn’t mean they wanted him at Ava’s first birthday party though. Tina specifically requested the attention be on her daughter for one evening, and Pesto’s stories tended to overshadow any other conversation.
Why did Ava's birthday party need to be at Louise’s apartment? She had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with the cleanup, and not at all Tina’s excuse of Jimmy Jr. wrapping presents at their house.
“Oh, dam- darn it,” Tina said suddenly, rifling through the diaper bag. “They must have finished the snacks last night.” She huffed and let the bag drop. “Can you show me where that vending machine is? If I don’t give them a pack of Animal Snacketisms in exactly eleven minutes, there will be heck to pay. They’re very cute monsters.”
“MY niece and nephew?? Noo…” Louise said, setting down the bowl and tapping Griffin to follow her. He did, thankfully leaving behind the kitchen with the knives, oven, and other choking hazards.
She kept a careful eye on him after the heart attack he gave her when he first visited, and she checked that he stayed close as Louise herded Tina, Griffin, and Ava out into the hallway to find the vending machine in the rec room of the complex.
Griffin was still holding her hand as she locked the door behind them, and she breathed a sigh of relief.
When one haunted door closed in Louise’s life, however, an evil blond window opened.
Logan was in the middle of locking his own apartment, likely on his way out for a run given his wardrobe, complete with indecent gray joggers. It took all of Louise’s tact not to point out there were children present because it would only draw their attention to his slutty attire.
“Hey Tina. Devil Woman,” Logan said, nodding at Tina then Louise. He did a double-take. “Oh the kiddos are here.” With a wave, he addressed Griffin. “Hey buddy!”
Holding his ears, Griffin let go of Louise’s hand to duck behind Tina’s legs. He had grown into a shy phase and was more sensitive to his surroundings, though phase was a strong word for something that had stuck around for a few months now.
“Careful with loud noises,” Louise offered. “It’s the reason he’s scared of Gene and Mom.”
Logan hummed his understanding. “Linda must take that pretty well.”
“She… does not,” Tina said as she looked behind her and pointed at Logan. “Do you remember Logan? You’ve met him a few times now.”
With an emphatic shake of his head, Griffin continued to hide. Tina attempted to soften the blow with niceties about how children can be forgetful but was interrupted by the young girl in her arms jumping up and down.
“Lolo!”
If he meant to incite guilt with the fury of his glare, Logan was sorely mistaken. Training the children to call him Lolo was one of Louise’s greatest achievements and she felt nothing but pride to see the fruits of her labor prosper. All of the packets of marshmallows she burned through were worth it.
He dug his own grave. This never would have happened if he hadn’t threatened to get them to call her Lulu anyway.
Knowing she refused to give him an ounce of remorse, Logan sighed. “Well, at least one of them finds me memorable. What’s up, Ava Babe-ah?”
Ava babbled and reached for Logan with her tiny arms, shifting enough that Tina had to counterbalance to keep the one-year-old in her arms. He seemed surprised, but, after Tina nodded, took hold of Ava.
“Aww, did you miss your fun babysitter?” Logan asked, contorting his expression into a series of dumb faces.
“You are NOT the fun one, dumba- aash,” Louise finished with a pathetic muttering. Tina came down like a hammer on them after the last few curses her kids learned. It was rated G from here on out.
“Mmmm I dunnooo, Cooties. Let’s see what Ava thinks.” He shifted his attention to the kid in his arms, making yet another dumb face that Ava adored. “Huh, Ava? Am I the fun one?”
Giggling, Ava smacked his cheeks, like her hands were cymbals crashing together on either side of Logan’s head.
“Ava, we don’t hit,” Tina said, taking her daughter back through a whine of protests.
“Welllll,” Louise drawled. “It’s sometimes okay to hit. Like when the person getting hit is a butt face.”
“That’s really funny coming from a turd mouth.”
“If you think-”
“Mean!”
The adults stopped.
Down at their feet, a small figure finally peeked out from behind Tina’s legs.
“They’re mean,” Griffin repeated, pointing up at Louise and Logan both.
Louise’s heart twinged in a way she didn’t like. She didn’t want her nephew to be scared of her or think she was mean. Not yet anyway. That should come later, when he was a teenager and learned what insane lengths she would go to in order to get her way.
“Oh, no,” Tina comforted her son. “They’re just flirting.”
Time slowed as both Louise and Logan morphed into equal parts affronted and horrified.
Mouth dry, brain malfunctioning, Louise couldn’t get a word in. Logan fared about the same, spluttering but not managing anything comprehensible.
“What is that?” Griffin asked, the only one capable of speech.
Almost the only one.
“For these two? Flirting is when they want to say nice things about each other but can’t. So they’re pretending.” Tina patted Griffin’s head. “But for most people flirting means something different. You won’t have that problem, Griffin. You’re very sweet.”
“I-” Louise opened her mouth to argue, but Tina’s angry silent warning shut it for her. Wordlessly, she conveyed that she didn’t want Griffin thinking Louise was mean either.
“I’m sweet,” Griffin parroted.
“Yes, you are. And Aunt Louise and Lolo are just rough around the edges.”
“I’m sweet,” he repeated.
“Yes exactly.”
Shaking off the interaction, Logan brushed metaphorical dust from his shoulder. He avoided eye contact with Louise, and he shifted to go.
“Welllll, sorry to rob you of more learning experiences, but I gotta jet. See ya.” Logan ruffled Ava’s hair and leaned down to present his hand to Griffin. “Low five?”
Griffin reached out behind Tina and slapped his hand. Logan, quietly, celebrated then waved at them all, except Louise who he made eye contact with and pretended to itch his brow with his middle finger.
He promptly left before Louise could return the favor, Ava calling out to him the whole way.
“So. Ava seems to like Logan, huh?”
“I saw her make a Logan-faced sandwich,” Louise argued, not ready to give her sister an earful yet.
“And then she cried when he left.” Tina tapped her chin in false contemplation. “Hey, what was that you were saying? Something about Ava taking after you?”
“Let’s get your dumb snacks,” she grunted. “We’ll take the stairs.”
“You know who would probably be a big help?” Tina posited from her seat on the couch, a mess of party supplies in front of her.
“Don’t,” Louise barked. She wiped powder sugar off her forehead and silently begged the cakes to be cool enough for icing. She wasn’t much of a baker, but she could follow a recipe at least, and they all specifically said to wait for the cake cool down before decorating.
They didn’t have that kind of time though, so, after "long enough" in the freezer, Louise pressed her luck.
“I’m just saying, between all the decorations and wrapping and cake baking, I bet Logan-”
“I know what you’re doing,” Louise interrupted. “And don’t think I won’t have my revenge for that incident earlier. When you least expect it, T, I’ll strike. Besides, he’s probably still out doing god knows what.”
Tina checked her phone for the time, a low “uhhhh” alerting them both that they were running out.
“It’s a kid’s birthday, Tina. The most anyone showing up is going to want is a drink and maybe something sweet, and we’re stocked. The rest of it is all… you know, fine. Chill out.”
That did not quiet the groans.
Louise continued to hear worried groaning all through stacking the three layers of cake, the outer coat of icing, and while making the somewhat passable icing flowers.
Just before she started on the lettering, Tina broke her streak, popping her head in the kitchen.
“Do you have a phone charger? Mine died, and if people can’t text me how will they get here in time? What if they have trouble with parking? What-”
“Yesss, god, Tina the charger is over on the counter.” Louise waved the older woman off. “Go.”
“Thank you,” she said, finally taking a breath. “Do you mind if I use your phone to message mom and dad? Mine takes forever to load up after it dies.”
“Sure. Also on the counter. 7734.”
“You’re a lifesaver.”
“Yeah, I know.”
The rest of the cake-making went by in blissful peace.
Which meant she was thrown into a flurry of playlists and games and nothing she was inherently good at.
Louise kept pace though. It was one day to make her niece happy. She would bear whatever storm of stress Tina had to dish out for that.
So focused on finishing her tasks, the sudden burst of frantic knocking on her door startled her. Jumping at the sound of an opened palm smacking repeatedly against the hard surface, Louise had half a mind to tell the world’s earliest guest to buzz off.
She’d say fuck, but Griffin and Ava were still in earshot.
Tina, however, sprinted to the door, throwing it open with a warm welcome.
Logan was there, hunched slightly, sweaty, eyes wild as he stared back at Tina as though he was shocked to see her even though they had run into each other earlier.
“Logan, perfect, I’m glad you’re here.” Tina shoved a plastic bag of balloons into his arms. They almost slipped to the floor as it took him a moment to register their presence. “Would you mind blowing these up? For Ava, who loves you so much? Thanks.”
Before he recovered from his exhausted panting, Tina bustled into the kitchen for the next thing on her list.
He turned his glare to Louise. “I will be expecting compensation for this.”
“Compensation?” She asked, flabbergasted. “YOU are the one that barreled in here like your life depended on coming to this party.”
“But you said…” Logan trailed off, eyes darting back to Tina’s retreating form. If possible, he glared even harder. “Fine. I’ll blow up the dumb balloons for the dumb birthday party. I wanted to actually,” he finished with a grunt and trudged over to the couch.
“Try to catch your breath before you do. I think a collapsed lung would spoil the mood.”
Slumping even deeper into the couch, he grumbled about spoiling and liars and stupid balloons.
But, unfortunately, his help did matter.
They finished decorating just before the first actual guests arrived, Jimmy Jr. hurriedly falling in behind them with his own apologies and presents that were wrapped only slightly better than if Tina had done them.
Surprisingly, Logan stayed.
He ignored Tina for most of the night except to snipe at her every so often, which Jimmy Jr. did not take kindly to. And neither did Louise, twisting his arm and leading him away from the two.
Refusing to explain, Logan demanded another slice of cake and stalked off.
“Alright, if none of you wussies are going to actually hit this thing, you pull this tab, and-” the pinata released a rain of confetti and candy, much to the delight of a bunch of little shits crowding around Louise's feet.
Out of the corner of her eye, Louise saw Tina approach Logan, elbowing him in a way that Tina probably intended to be casual despite that particular Belcher’s inability to be lowkey about anything ever beyond the monotone of her voice.
Louise tried to tune into the low frequency, hoping to catch snippets of whatever was going on between those two.
Instead, she heard her sister betray her.
“You know, Louise’s favorite Boyz4Now member was always BooBoo.”
“And I care about this why?” Logan scoffed, digging into his third piece of cake.
“He was the blond one.”
The fork stopped halfway to his mouth, his glare finally clearing to something more like intrigue.
Stuck in a hurricane of children, Louise was powerless to deny the accusation that she ever listened to boy bands.
And it STILL didn’t answer why those two had been at odds for the whole party, anyway.
It continued to baffle Louise until she was in bed later that night, apartment destroyed and everyone gone, finally catching up on her missed notifications.
There in her texts, she realized a message she had not written was sitting at the top and sent to one Dingleberry Bush.
Louise: I’m horny