Work Text:
“They’re not in LA,” Eddie tells him and Buck can feel his stomach drop even before Eddie confirms, “They’re in El Paso.”
No, no, no, no, no.
Eddie cannot move to Texas. He just can’t. But the words that come out next don’t echo that.
Buck knows why Eddie wants to move. He needs to be with his son and if his son won’t come home then he thinks he needs to go there.
Buck thinks that Christopher should come home to LA where he belongs—with them. But regardless of how he feels about Chris and his standing in Eddie’s will—Chris is still not Buck’s kid and he can’t tell Eddie how to parent his kid.
So Buck’s helpful. Eddie is still his best friend and if that’s what he wants to do then he’s going to be involved. Even if all of this does not sit right with Buck in the slightest.
He’ll process it at home by himself later—right now he’s going to get on this zoom call with the realtor to support Eddie.
*
A week of searching and hating it—Buck’s noticing that every even potential house, Eddie sees something wrong with it so they keep looking.
Eddie told him he was starting to think of moving and even met with a realtor twice in the past week but yet none of these are what he wants.
Buck doesn’t want Eddie to move. Not at all. The past week has been torturous for Buck. He’s been thinking a lot about what it means for him that Eddie wants to move back to Texas.
He realized how much he depends on Eddie for everything and he has no idea what the fuck he’s going to do without him in this city, at work, in his free time that he spends almost all of it with Eddie.
He also realized that this feels worse than anything has ever felt in his life.
Abby left Buck at the airport and never came back and that felt like the worst pain imaginable.
Then Buck found out about Daniel and how he was born for parts basically and how awful his parents truly were and that felt even worse than Abby.
All the drama with Taylor and then Lucy, that all felt bad but still didn’t compare.
Then Tommy broke up with him and suddenly that felt like the worst pain imaginable. He figured out a part of himself that he didn’t have a label for before and he started to tie that into the person who he believed took hold of his attention so intensely. Tommy was the first man he wanted to date and things felt like they were going really well but yet again, the rug gets pulled out from under him.
Another person abandoning him.
And now this—Eddie potentially leaving LA. The thought of this actually going through has made Buck feel all of that previously pain times a hundred.
This is a new type of pain and he doesn’t know why.
Well… he does. He knows that for the past seven years Eddie has been his biggest support system. After their initial tension, Buck attached himself so fully and wholly to Eddie that the thought of him leaving feels like hell.
He’s laying in bed, thinking about it all.
How could Eddie just leave?
How could he leave his job, his friends, me?
How could he go back to Texas? Back to where he grew up and from what he told me back to his family—his parents who were awful growing up?
Buck groans, moving onto his side, curling up closer into himself.
I don’t want him to go.
He can’t leave. He can’t leave me.
I can’t be here without him. I need him.
I lov—
Oh.
Oh.
Buck sits up in bed, his heart racing.
He loves Eddie.
Buck is realizing exactly why this feels way worse than his heartbreak from Tommy or any other heartbreak he’s felt in his life. He’s in love with his best friend.
“This can’t be happening,” he mutters to himself.
He picks up his phone and goes to his recent calls and sees that Eddie is the last name there, having spoken to him after he got home from work.
He wants to click on it so badly and be able to discuss how he’s feeling right now but he can’t.
Eddie is the one person he can’t talk about these feelings with since they involve him.
It’s too late to call Maddie or Hen or even Bobby.
Now he’s realizing he needs more friends.
He puts his phone on his bedside table and lays back down.
Buck closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep even though his mind is running a million miles an hour.
He struggles for about twenty minutes before he decides to go for a run.
He needs to run and clear his mind so that he can figure out what the fuck he’s going to do with these feelings.
For his best friend.
Who wants to move to El Paso.
Fuck.
*
The next day, Buck follows Eddie home. They showered at the station before changing and deciding to head to Eddie’s since they both have the next three days off. They’re going to order some food and watch some movies.
Buck loves spending quality time like this with Eddie but since his revelation last night and not getting enough sleep, he’s worried about going over. He doesn’t want to be weird.
They walk inside Eddie’s house and he goes to sit on the couch while Eddie heads to the kitchen. He returns quickly with two beers, handing one over to Buck.
They take a long sip of their beers before Buck breaks the silence, “Made any progress on the house hunting? Last one we looked at, you didn’t like.”
Eddie fidgets with the beer bottles label as he says, “Yeah, no not yet. Haven’t really liked anything so far.”
“I know, you find an excuse for why every place we looked at isn’t right. Don’t you want to move?” Buck asks, looking at Eddie, trying to read him. He doesn’t know why Eddie is so hesitant when this was his idea.
“Yeah, I do—I mean, I don’t know,” Eddie rambles before he turns to look at Buck and adds, “Why are you so helpful anyway? Do you really want me to go that badly? It’s like you’re begging me to leave.”
Whoa, what the fuck?????
“Where the fuck did that come from?” Buck asks, shocked. “Of course I don’t want you to leave! But what am I supposed to do Eddie? You’re choosing to leave to be with your son. I won’t stand in the way of that.”
They’re silent for a moment, so much hanging between them that Buck doesn’t know what to make of it all. It’s like a buzzing all around them. It feels hot and intense and Buck just needs Eddie to say something and to just look at him.
“Tell me not to and I won’t,” Eddie says so softly Buck would have missed it if he wasn’t intently staring at Eddie waiting for him to speak.
Did he just—
“You’re asking me to make you choose between me and your son? Seriously?!” Buck asks, watching Eddie who looks like he regrets even saying that in the first place. “You know I can’t do that, Eddie—“ he says softly, feeling bad for snapping when all he really wants to do is ask him to stay—but he can’t. “—not when it’s about Chris.” He watches Eddie intently but he doesn’t speak yet so Buck adds, “Even though I need you—here—with me.”
Eddie finally looks at him, he has tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry—I, I shouldn’t have said that. I just—I don’t know what to do Buck. I miss him all the time,” he says, wiping at his eyes. He sniffles before adding, “I don’t want to move. I don’t want to leave you, but what other options do I have, Buck? He—he hasn’t said anything about wanting to come home.”
Buck moves closer to him, sitting right next to him so their thighs are touching. He wraps his arm around Eddie’s shoulders and pulls him into him. Eddie goes easily, letting Buck hold him close. He feels Eddie wrap his arms around Buck, hugging him back.
“It’s okay, we’ll figure this out—together,” Buck tells him.
Eddie nods softly against Buck's chest, and Buck holds him tighter when he hears him sniffle again. He just wants to protect Eddie’s heart from all the pain he’s been feeling because of the whole Kim situation with Chris.
Eddie fucked up but he didn’t do it on purpose. It was just a big mistake that he’s been paying for for months. He knows Chris is hurt but he’ll never get over it if he doesn’t come home and talk to his dad about it.
Buck rubs a soothing hand up and down Eddie’s back softly. They’re silent—just holding each other close and thinking.
Eventually, Eddie slowly starts to remove himself from Buck’s hold. His eyes are a bit red from crying but he still looks like the most beautiful thing in the world.
“Thanks,” Eddie says softly after a moment. “And sorry—I didn’t mean to unleash on you like that, it’s just—it threw me off when you got on board right away.”
“Did I really have a choice?” Buck asks, confused. “I figured that’s what you needed from me—to support your choice to leave.”
Eddie sighs, “When are you going to realize that you always have a say and a choice? What you think matters a lot to me, Buck.”
Buck wants to cry. His opinions and his thoughts have never really mattered all that much to anyone before. Always being brushed off. Not with Eddie though. Eddie makes him feel like his voice is heard and actually appreciated.
“I don’t want you to go,” Buck says honestly and it makes Eddie smile softly. “But I won’t stop you from going if that’s what you want.”
Eddie shakes his head. “It’s not,” he sighs again, slumping back into the couch. “I just want Christopher home—here where he belongs—with us.”
With us.
“So then let’s find a way to get him to come home,” Buck says finally.
“How?” Eddie asks, looking up at Buck with his perfect brown doe eyes.
“The holidays are coming up, maybe you should go to El Paso for a while, talk to him in person and maybe when it’s time for you to come back, he’ll want to come with you,” Buck suggests. “I think that once you can truly talk about what happened, he’ll be able to get over it and forgive you and you can just move on from it all.”
Eddie sits back up, rubbing the back of his neck. “You think that’ll work?” He asks, his eyes searching Bucks.
Buck smiles softly, nodding. “I think that when a child runs away, he just wants his parent to come get him. I know you don’t want to be like your parents, and trust me, Eddie—you’re nothing like them. So just go get your son and bring him home.”
They both laugh, feeling all the tension and intensity from earlier leave the room.
“You’re right,” Eddie tells him. “I’m trying so hard not to be like them and force Christopher to come back but in doing so, it’s keeping him far away from me and we can’t ever move past this because we haven’t been able to really talk about it.”
“He will forgive you. I think he does want to come home but doesn’t know how to say it because you haven’t been able to talk about what happened and why it happened. I know he’s your baby, but he’s growing up and you need to be honest with him, he can handle it, he’s a tough kid,” Buck says. He puts his hand on Eddie’s thigh and squeezes, “just like his dad.”
Eddie lets out a chuckle, “I don’t know about that—I don’t feel so strong.”
“You are, you just need to be honest,” Buck tells him. He swallows around a lump in his throat.
He’s not being honest with Eddie about everything so how can he give advice like this? He wants to though—tell Eddie. He just knows that everything will change between them and he’s scared. He almost lost him to El Paso, he can’t lose him because Eddie doesn’t love him the same way he loves him.
Eddie nods, understanding Bucks words. “I’ll call the realtor tomorrow and cancel everything. Then I’ll make arrangements to head to El Paso for the holidays and stay as long as I can until Chris comes home with me.”
“And I’ll be here waiting for you both,” Buck reassures. His hand is still on Eddie’s thigh so he squeezes again before letting go. “Should we order food?”
“Uh—yeah, definitely.”
*
Bobby gives Eddie as much time as he needs to go to El Paso and bring Chris home, telling him they’ll all be here for him when he returns and so will his job.
Buck drives Eddie to the airport—it’s the day before Thanksgiving and it’s packed. Buck parked the car so he could go in with Eddie, not wanting to say goodbye in his jeep.
He hasn’t spent a holiday without Eddie in seven years, he’s very much not looking forward to the next month of holidays without him or Chris.
Buck waits as Eddie checks in his luggage. He comes back to him and they walk together up to the point where Buck can’t go any further without a boarding pass.
Eddie turns around to face Buck.
Buck has been trying to figure out how to tell Eddie how he feels since that night and looking at him now, about to leave for El Paso, unsure when he’s coming back.
“You’re coming back, right?” Is the only thing that comes out of his mouth. His abandonment issues hitting him like a ton of bricks. Flashbacks of Abby leaving him at the airport and never coming back triggering the fuck out of him right now.
Eddie steps closer, his hand finding that spot on his shoulder, his thumb on his neck—it instantly calms Buck. “I’m coming back. I promise. I could never leave you, Buck,” he tells him in the space between them—just for them.
He doesn’t consciously make this choice but his body starts to move closer to Eddie, his face leaning forward and his lips getting closer to Eddie’s but then Eddie pulls back softly.
Ouch.
“Fuck—sorry, I’m so sorry—you’re not—that’s okay. I—“ Buck starts to stutter out apologies, wanting to crawl into a hole and die.
Eddie holds his shoulder tighter so he can’t step away and says, “No, don’t apologize.” Buck meets his eye and his breath stops as he waits for Eddie to continue. “I do—want to. I have for a really long time. I just—I don’t think a goodbye at the airport is the best time for us to do that for the first time.”
Buck smiles softly. He wants to and has for a long time!!
“You’re right,” Buck says softly, a small smirk on his face. “But um—you want to?”
“Very much,” Eddie matches his smirk, blushing. God he loves the way he blushes. “We should save that moment for when I come home. It’ll give me incentive to get back quicker.”
Now Buck is blushing.
He nods, “Okay,” he says softly.
Eddie pulls Buck into him, hugging him tightly. Buck breathes him in, holding him close, not wanting to let him go.
“I’ll miss you,” he whispers into his ear.
“I’ll miss you too,” Eddie whispers back into his neck. “So much.”
Buck kisses the top of Eddie’s head before they pull apart. “Call me—anytime,” he tells him.
Eddie nods, a soft smile on his lips. He turns to look behind him where he needs to go before looking back at Buck, running a hand through the soft strands that fall onto his face.
“Don’t go getting another boyfriend—or girlfriend—when I’m gone, or anything,” Eddie tells him. He knows he’s teasing him but Eddie also looks serious and Buck just wants to kiss him so badly.
He chuckles. “I won’t—promise. As long as you come home to me, I’ll be waiting for you,” he tells him in all seriousness.
Eddie nods, smiling softly. “Okay, good. Um—I should probably go now.”
“Let me know when you arrive,” Buck tells him.
“I will.”
Eddie comes back up to Buck and hugs him one more time. This time they’re silent as they hug and silent as Buck watches Eddie leave.
Eddie looks back, smiling softly before disappearing around the corner.
Buck makes his way back to his car and drives home in silence. His loft is too silent and empty when he enters. He misses Eddie already.
His phone dings in his pocket so he takes it out and sees a text from Eddie. He smiles instantly.
Eddie: Miss you already
His smile gets bigger as he reads the message.
God, I love this man.
Buck: Miss you too
Buck: How are we meant to survive however long this will take?
Eddie: A lot of FaceTime calls, texts, and what it’ll be like when I get back to you
GOD.
Buck: Eddieeeee you can’t just say things like that to me when you’re not here for me to kiss
Eddie: Oh teasing you is gonna be fun 😏
Buck: I hate you
Eddie: No you don’t ❤️
Buck blushes at the heart. He’s so down bad.
Buck: No I really don’t ❤️
Eddie: Talk soon ❤️❤️❤️
Buck hearts the message and can’t stop smiling at his phone like a schoolgirl. This next month is going to be torturous.
*
Leaving Buck behind was the hardest thing Eddie has had to do since he had to let Christopher leave.
But knowing that Buck feels what he feels—that he wanted to kiss him—made it that much harder to leave but also, that much more exciting for when he comes back to him.
His parents and Christopher are expecting him. They just don’t know how long Eddie plans on staying—which is as long as it takes to get Chris to come home.
When he gets to the house, he quickly texts Buck.
Eddie: Just got to my folks, wish me luck
Buck answers back right away which makes Eddie blush slightly.
Buck: You got this, I believe in you ❤️
Eddie hearts the message and puts his phone away as he heads to the front door and rings.
His dad opens the door and greets him with a hug. “Good to see you,” he tells him when they let go.
“Chris still up?” He asks as he makes his way inside the house.
“He’s in his room playing games on his computer with friends,” Ramon tells him.
His mom makes her way into the hall and says, “You made it.”
He fights the urge to roll his eyes at how ingenuine her tone is. “I did,” he says back. “I’m gonna go say hi to my son.”
He makes his way to his old bedroom where he knows Chris has been staying and knocks on the door.
“Come in,” he says.
Eddie opens the door and Chris pauses his game to turn and see who is there.
“Oh,” Chris says softly. “Hi dad, didn’t know you got here already.”
“Hey kiddo,” he says as he makes his way inside the room. “Yeah, I—I just got here.”
Chris nods but then looks back at his game.
“I just wanted to say hi,” Eddie tells him, feeling awkward. He hates feeling awkward around his own son. “And uh—that I missed you all the time. I’m happy to see you.”
Chris turns back around. “Yeah, I missed you too, dad,” he tells him. “I’m gonna get back to my game now, my friends waiting.”
“Okay, yeah—go ahead,” Eddie smiles. “I’m gonna go put my stuff away and talk to your grandparents.”
“Okay,” Chris says simply before getting back to his game. “I’m back,” he says into his headset.
This is not going to be easy.
*
Thanksgiving comes and goes pretty quickly—Eddie makes nice with his parents and he can tell Chris is making nice with him.
His parents invited some cousins and aunts and uncles to this dinner so there really isn’t time to be able to discuss anything with Christopher.
Eddie does manage to find a moment to FaceTime Buck who is at Maddie and Chim’s for Thanksgiving with everyone.
“Hi,” Buck says with a wide grin.
“Hi,” he says back, matching his smile. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Happy Thanksgiving,” Buck says and then he hears a chorus of that from everyone behind the camera. He pans the camera around so Eddie can see everyone, before he gets up and goes into another room. “How’s it going over there?” He asks when he’s alone.
Eddie groans, “Weird.”
Buck pouts, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine—it’s just, I didn’t really get to talk to him when I got here yesterday and today there’s all this family here so he’s able to ignore me easily. I hate this,” Eddie tells him. “And I miss you.”
Buck smiles softly. “God, I miss you so much, Eddie. Thanksgiving—the holidays—it’s not the same without you and Chris.”
“I know, this feels so off,” Eddie tells him.
“Hey dad,” he hears from the open doorway.
“Hey buddy,” Eddie says. “I’m on FaceTime with Buck, wanna say hi?”
Chris walks into the room and sits down next to Eddie on the edge of the bed. “Hi Buck,” he says with a smile.
Buck grins immediately. “Hey Chris! Happy Thanksgiving!”
“You too,” Chris says back.
“You having a good day? Food any good?” Buck asks.
“Yeah it’s pretty good,” he says. “Don’t tell abuelita,” he adds looking at Eddie, “but Buck and Bobby’s cooking is much better.”
Buck and Eddie laugh, making Chris smile. “Promise, I won’t say anything, but you’re right,” Eddie says, knocking his shoulder into Christopher’s.
“Miss you, buddy,” Buck tells him.
“Miss you too, Buck,” Chris says. “Uh—how’s Tommy?”
“Oh,” Buck says softly. “We broke up a couple weeks ago. It just wasn’t right.”
“Oh good,” Chris tells him. “I did not like him for you.”
“You didn’t?” Eddie asks before Buck can.
“No, he’s too old for you,” Chris says.
Eddie chuckles and Buck rolls his eyes.
“Plus—“ Chris starts to say, “Nevermind. I’m just happy you’re not with him anymore. You deserve better.”
Buck smiles softly. “Thanks, Chris, that means a lot to me.”
“You’re welcome.”
He looks at Eddie who looks down to meet his eye, “It’s time for dessert, I was supposed to come get you.”
“Okay,” Eddie says. He looks back at Buck and says, “Talk later?”
“Mhm,” he hums. “Talk later. Bye guys.”
“Bye,” he and Chris say together before Buck ends the call.
“Hey, can we talk for a minute?” Eddie asks Chris before he gets up.
Chris sighs, “I guess so.”
Eddie turns so he can be facing Chris properly. “Christopher,” he starts, waiting for him to look at him. When he doesn’t just yet, he continues, “There’s no excuse for what happened. I never meant for you to witness that and for that I’m so sorry. I would like to explain what happened so you can understand where my head was at in that moment.”
Chris doesn’t speak so Eddie continues, “When we were out with Marisol one day, I noticed Kim working in a store. I couldn’t believe how much she looked like your mom. I couldn’t stop thinking about her—your mom, and it made me go back there and speak to this woman. It was the stupidest decision of my life because of how it hurt you. I just—God, Chris—I never fully grieved your mom’s death and it’s been hanging over me for years. It has pushed me away from great people like Ana and Marisol because I just couldn’t get over the love I had for your mom. And when I saw Kim—it felt like God or the universe or maybe even your mom, was sending me a sign. I didn’t know what the sign was at the time but I knew I wanted to spend time with her. When I finally told her the truth and told her this was it, she came back dressed as your mom trying to get me to tell her everything I wish I told your mom before she died. In the moment, when I was finally freeing myself of the burden of all the unsaid things I never got to tell Shannon—it felt good. It felt like I was finally lifting this weight off my chest. It all came crashing back down on me when you got home. I never meant for you to ever see her. I understand why you can’t forgive me for that, but I hope that one day you can.”
Chris looks at Eddie. He continues, “I loved your mom very much and her death really fucked with me—sorry for my language.” Chris smiles softly at that. “After that happened, I was able to work through my grief of her death and my guilt over it and the guilt I held onto about our marriage and how I treated her when we were together. I went back to therapy and I even sought out help from a Priest, which surprisingly helped. He made me realize that I suppress my own needs and wants and that I rarely ever choose joy. So I’m trying to do better. For you but also for me so that I can be a better dad to you, because you deserve a good dad. You had a good mom and she’s gone but you—you deserve a good dad, someone better than me—and I’m sorry that I’ve screwed up so much—“
“Dad—“ Chris interrupts. “You are a good dad. You’re the best dad, I’m sorry you don’t feel like you are. I think—that’s my fault. I never should have left you like that. I didn’t know what to do and I was just so mad that the only thing I could think about was hurting you so I called them. That wasn’t right. I knew that it would hurt you to have to let me go with them when you’ve always tried to give me everything you didn’t have because of them.”
“You knew that?” Eddie asks.
God, his kid is so intuitive. He had no idea that he knew how badly he was trying to not be like his own parents.
“Of course,” Chris shrugs. “I hear things. I’m very smart.”
“You really are,” Eddie chuckles.
“I’m sorry I hurt you this much by leaving,” Chris tells him after a moment.
Eddie shakes his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for, mijo. I’m the one who’s sorry for everything I put you through.”
“I know,” Chris tells him, “And it’s okay. Even dads can make mistakes sometimes.”
Eddie can’t help all the tears from falling down his face. He wipes them away before Chris leans in and hugs him.
Eddie hugs him tight, relishing in the fact that this is their first hug in months.
He breathes him in and says, “I love you so much, kid. I’ll never stop being sorry.”
Chris pulls back and says, “I know, but it’s gonna be okay now. You said you’re working on it right? Getting help? Someone that you can talk to about that stuff?”
“Yes, I am. I’ve made a lot of progress but I still have a lot to work through,” Eddie tells him.
“That’s okay, one step at a time right?” Chris smiles.
“Right,” he agrees.
“You’re not dating anyone else right? I don’t think I can handle another woman you’re trying to make my new mom,” Chris says.
Eddie’s taken aback that he chokes slightly on his own saliva. He coughs before saying, “I wasn’t—“ Chris gives him a knowing look so Eddie sighs. “You’re right. I didn’t even realize I was doing that until I started going back to therapy. You will always have a mom, even though she’s no longer with us, she will always be your mom, and I shouldn’t be dating women in hopes to give you another one because I feel guilty that you lost your mom.”
“You didn’t want mom to die, so why do you feel guilty that she’s gone?” Chris asks him.
“I think it’s because I feel like you deserve better than me and your mom tried so hard to give you everything and I just abandoned you both when you were so young that I’ve been trying so hard to make up for that time and your mom was not around and when she tried to come back, I tried to stop it because I didn’t want her to come back into your life just to leave again but that’s exactly what happened.”
“She didn’t leave, dad. She died, it’s different,” Chris tells him.
He knows that. He knows it’s different but in his mind and in his heart it doesn’t feel that way. It just feels like his son keeps getting the short end of the stick with shitty parents who leave him and he doesn’t deserve that.
“I know—I know it’s different but it doesn’t feel that way if that makes any sense?”
“Yeah, it does,” Chris tells him. “I don’t want you to beat yourself up about mom though. We can’t do anything about it. She’s been gone a long time now and I miss her all the time but—we have to move on, right?”
“Right, yeah—we do,” Eddie agrees. “I think I have now. I just—I miss you all the time, kid. I hate that you’ve been so far away from me for all these months, and that I’m the reason for it all.”
“I miss you all the time too, dad,” he tells him. “I forgive you and we can move on from it all now. I don’t want to be mad at you anymore. It’s kind of exhausting because you’re pretty much my best friend and this sucks.”
Eddie laughs. “It really does, Chris. I hated these past few months so much. I missed my best friend too,” he tells him.
“Don’t tell Buck, I think he’ll be jealous,” Chris teases, making them both laugh.
Eddie wraps his arm around Chris and pulls him into him, hugging him close.
“Hey, dad?” Chris asks after a moment.
“Yeah?”
“Can I come home now?”
New tears stream down Eddie’s face at that. “Of course you can,” he says, holding him even tighter.
“Okay, you can let me go now,” Chris says. Eddie lets him go, realizing he was holding him really tightly.
“Sorry,” Eddie chuckles. “I’m just really happy you want to come home.”
“I can see that,” he teases him. “So how are we gonna do this? Dibs on not telling Abuelita.”
Eddie groans. “I can tell them but you have to back me up. They’re going to say anything to get you to stay and make me seem incompetent. You have to back me up, tell them this is your choice, okay?”
“That I can do,” Chris reassures him. “I got your back.”
“Before we do that, we gotta figure out your school situation.”
They stay in the room talking about when school is ending for the winter break (in two and a half weeks), if he’s okay with leaving midyear at his new school and his new friends (he is), letting him know he’ll have to call his previous school to see if he can even start back midyear (plan to call first thing when school is back open after Thanksgiving), and finally—
“There’s something else I’d like to discuss with you before we go back out there,” Eddie tells him.
“Okay…”
“So—um…”
Wow Eddie does not know how to start this conversation.
“Just tell me,” Chris rushes him. “I want some pie before it’s all gone.”
“I’m in love with Buck,” he blurts out.
“You’re—what?” Christopher asks, confused.
Eddie starts to panic a little inside. He stays calm and says, “I realized that I have feelings for Buck in a romantic way. Therapy and—and talking to that Priest—it kind of unlocked something in me, feelings I didn’t realize I had.”
“But—but Buck can’t leave us too,” Christopher says suddenly. He can see that his son looks scared and anxious, and Eddie feels like a terrible father all over again.
“Buck won’t leave us—“ Eddie starts to say, even though he can’t know for sure that’s true. He hopes it’s true, for both of their sakes.
“Everyone leaves,” Chris tells him. “I don’t want to lose Buck too.”
Oh.
“Oh, Chris,” Eddie lets out. “I’m so sorry this is all my fault.”
He’s given his son abandonment issues and he feels like the worst dad in the world.
“Sometimes people leave, but the right ones don’t. Mom—like you said, didn’t leave, she passed away. She never would have chosen to leave you again—okay?” Chris nods his head. He knows that his son knows this, he just wants to reiterate it, makes sure he absolutely knows that his mother would never have left him again and it was a bad accident that took her from him. “The right people—like Buck—won’t leave. Buck loves us—he loves you, Chris. He thinks of you as his own son, you mean so much to him. When you left, I know it hurt him too. He wouldn’t ever choose to leave us.”
“Are you sure?” Chris asks, worry on his face.
“I think so but if you want—and it’ll make you feel better about us together, when we get home you can ask him. He won’t lie to you,” Eddie tells him.
He feels bad putting this onto Buck but whatever it takes for his son to be reassured by this because if he isn’t—even though it’ll milk him—he can’t be with Buck in that way if his son doesn’t approve.
“Okay,” Chris nods.
“Let’s go get some pie, hmm?” Eddie asks.
They get up and Eddie follows his son out to the dining room, rejoining everyone, and plastering a smile on his face.
*
When Monday comes, Eddie calls the school in LA to find out about Chris transferring back in January.
They say it shouldn’t be a problem and that Eddie would have to get his current school to transfer his transcript to them so that they can review his grades.
Eddie goes to the school early to ask about the transcript and to pick Chris up from school.
They spend some time together before heading back to his parents house.
The entire process takes the week. The school calls back to let him know that once Christopher passes his exams he is welcome back.
Now Eddie needs to tell his parents that once school ends for the holidays, Christopher is moving back to LA with him.
It goes exactly how he pictured it. His mom refuses and his dad asks if it’s a good idea. Finally, Chris tells them that he asked to move back home and this is what he wants.
They ask him about fifty times if he’s sure and when he reassures them that it is, they let up.
Eddie’s grateful that even though they weren’t good parents to him, they’re good grandparents to his son—and they’ll listen to him. He hates that they keep trying to have a do over of being a parent with Christopher but he loves his son and his son loves them, so he thanks them and tells them that they’ll stay until his semester is finished but that they need to get home for Christmas.
*
Almost three weeks without Eddie has been like a sick and twisted nightmare.
Thankfully, after Thanksgiving, Eddie told him that Chris asked to come home and they’ll be back home after Christmas.
Buck could not be happier. Eddie spoke to Chris and they’re on the road to moving forward from everything that happened.
Eddie also told him that he told Chris about them—or the potential of them and that Chris has some fears about that and will be asking him about it when they get back.
Buck can relate to Chris. They both have abandonment issues and he hopes that because of that he’ll be able to convince Chris that his feelings are true and real.
While he waits for them to come back, he’s at work on Christmas Eve. It was his turn to have this shift off but without Eddie here, he rather work so he let Hen take it off this year to be with her family. He’s on shift with Chimney and it’s nice having family with him still even if they’re at work.
Maddie came by with Jee so that they could eat dinner as a family until a call came in and he and Chim had to leave. They quickly said their goodbyes before they left and when they returned, Maddie and Jee were back home in bed.
Eddie calls him that night before bed to wish him a Merry Christmas and tell him how excited he is to see him soon.
There aren't many calls throughout the night so Buck is able to get some sleep before morning comes and his shift ends at eight.
Buck heads home to shower, nap and get ready to go to Bobby’s for dinner. The B-Shift is on today so the rest of their team can get together at Bobby and Athena’s for Christmas dinner—as a family.
Buck gets a text from Eddie asking him to go to his house. His neighbor had called and said he heard something next door and Eddie would rather Buck go check it out just in case.
Buck makes a u-turn, and heads to Eddie’s place instead.
When he gets there, he uses his key to get inside. Instantly, lights go on and he’s affronted by everyone—he sees Bobby and Athena. Chimney, Maddie, and Jee. Hen, Karen, Denny, and Mara.
He gasps when he sees Eddie and Chris come around from behind Bobby and Athena.
“We got him!” Christopher laughs.
Buck walks over to them and Eddie meets him halfway—accepting the embrace as Buck flings himself onto Eddie.
They hug tightly, Buck's face in Eddie’s neck.
Eddie chuckles, “Merry Christmas.”
Buck pulls back, smiling at him. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he says, looking him up and down. “You told me you’d be back after Christmas.”
“Surprise,” he teases.
He shakes his head and looks over at Chris, “How could you prank me with him? I thought we pranked him together?” He feigns shock.
Chris shrugs, laughing. Buck grins, god, he missed this kid.
“You got me good,” he says, putting his fist out for Chris to bump with his. “This is already the best Christmas ever because you’re back.”
“Thanks,” Chris smiles. “Good to be home.”
Buck goes around hugging everyone and wishing a Merry Christmas—Jee being the first one since she reaches over for him out of Maddie’s arms.
“Merry Christmas, princess,” he coos, taking her into his arms.
She hugs him tight and says it back before he puts her down.
After saying hi to everyone he asks Eddie to help him with the gifts in his car.
When they’re alone together by the trunk of his jeep, he pulls Eddie into another hug. “Can’t believe you’re back,” he whispers. “I missed you.”
Eddie laughs, hugging him back, his hand moving up and down his back softly. “Missed you too,” he says softly. “We didn’t want to be away from you for Christmas.”
“We?” He asks, pulling back.
“Yeah, Chris too,” he says shyly. Buck gives him that look that says I can see right through you so Eddie says, “Okay—I really didn’t want to be away from you for Christmas—or just any longer.”
Buck grins, he really wants to pull Eddie into him and kiss him—
“So, can—um, can I kiss you now?” Buck asks shyly, a little nervous.
Eddie smiles sweetly at him. “I’d really like for you and Chris to talk first, is that—“
“Of course,” Buck interrupts. “Yes, I should talk to him first, I don’t know what I was thinking, you just—look really good and um,” he says softly, leaning into Eddie lightly, his lips near his ear, “you smell really good too.”
He hears Eddie inhale sharply, “Got that cologne on that you like,” he says softly.
“Mmm,” he moans softly, “I can tell.”
Eddie pulls back slightly, watching Buck who smirks at him. “Okay,” he nods. He clears his throat and focuses on the jeep, taking out a couple of gifts so his hands are busy. “I’m gonna—“ he says, motioning to the house.
Buck chuckles, watching Eddie all flustered head back inside.
He grabs the rest of the gifts, even the ones he got Eddie and Chris that he was going to bring here anyway so they’d be here when they got home.
*
When the evening ends, and people start to head home, Buck sticks around—stays until everyone’s gone.
Chris had gone to his room once the Wilson’s went home. Buck leaves Eddie to clean up so he can go speak to Christopher.
He’s nervous. He’s never been this nervous to speak to Christopher.
When Eddie got shot—that was the hardest conversation they had. Then he spoke to him about his actions towards girls and it led to talking about Shannon and how people always leave.
Buck has felt like that a lot in his life. He’s believed that people always leave and he’ll always eventually end up alone.
Until he met Eddie.
He knocks on Christopher’s open door. Chris looks up from his phone where he sits on his bed—now in his pajamas.
“Can I come in?” Buck asks.
“Yeah,” he says simply, putting his phone down next to him.
Buck sits next to him and takes a deep breath. “I wanted to speak to you about something—“ he starts to say.
“About dating my dad?” He asks, cutting him off.
“Uh—“ Buck chuckles. “Well, more about how I feel about him—and you.”
“Okay,” he says, waiting for Buck to say what he needs to say.
“Ever since I met your dad and then met you—you both have made me feel like I belong in your family. The past seven years—already knowing you for half of your life—it’s been the best seven years of my life. I’ve always wanted kids and being able to be in your life this long—to watch you grow and become such a cool, intelligent, caring young man, it’s been the best part of my life so far.” He takes a breath. Chris is still looking at him, waiting. “The feelings I have for your dad—I didn’t realize that they’ve always been there, since the day we met. It took seven years, three failed relationships, and finding myself to realize the love I have for him—it’s unlike any love I’ve ever felt before.”
“Any time someone shows that they love dad—they leave,” Chris tells him. “Mom left, then Ana. Mom died and then there was Marisol then she left too. I—don’t want dads heart to break again. I don’t want mine to either.”
Bucks heart breaks hearing this. He knows the reason none of those relationships for Eddie have lasted is because he forced them all to hide who he truly is and do things because he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do. But hearing Christopher say that everyone who claimed to love his dad left them both hurts. He doesn’t want to ever make Chris—and Eddie—feel that way, like he’d ever abandon them.
“I would never do that—break either of your hearts,” Buck tells him honestly. “I love you both so much, you’re my family and I don’t know what I’d do without either of you. I would never leave. The only time I wouldn’t be around is if either of you didn’t want me around anymore.”
“Impossible, we always want you around,” Chris tells him.
Buck smiles. “Good to know cause I feel the same way,” he tells him. “I love your dad a lot and I want to be with him but we won’t if it’s not something you are okay with.”
Chris considers it—he’s quiet for a moment until he says, “I guess I’m okay with it—as long as I don’t have to see you kiss all the time.”
Buck laughs. “And why not? It would be a beautiful thing,” he teases, making Chris fake gag. “Okay, okay, fine, I promise we will try to keep the kissing at a minimum in front of you.”
“Good,” Chris says. “So does this mean you’re moving in?”
Buck almost chokes on his own saliva. “Uh—no, no. Not yet anyway. I gotta ask him on a date first.”
“Would like it if you lived here—some day,” Chris tells him.
“Thanks, kid,” Buck says. “I would too.”
*
He knows he shouldn’t but he can’t help listen to Buck and Christopher’s conversation from outside the room.
Eddie hears some shuffling so he rushes back out to the living room, picking up some cups that were left behind.
Buck pops into the kitchen as he puts them down in the sink. “Hey,” he says softly. “Need some help?”
“Yeah,” Eddie smiles, turning to look at him. “How did that go?”
Buck walks over to him, a soft smile on his face. “Good,” he says simply. “He’s on board with this—us—“ he motions between them, “as long as we keep the kissing to a minimum in front of him.”
“Oh is that so?” Eddie asks. “Will you be able to control yourself?” He teases.
“I guess we’ll have to wait and see…” Buck trails off, taking another step forward.
He’s almost completely pressed against him, pinning him against the kitchen counter behind him.
“Kinda need to have our first kiss before thinking about having to hold back in front of him,” Buck teases.
“Yeah,” Eddie says softly. “That’s—a good idea.”
Buck smirks as he brings his hand up to touch Eddie’s cheek softly—caressing his cheekbone with his thumb.
Eddie’s looking up at him with his big brown eyes—seeing how Buck’s normally light blue eyes are darker now. Makes Eddie feel dizzy.
Buck lowers his face slowly, his lips lightly brushing against his until Eddie can’t wait anymore and lifts his mouth up more and closes the distance between them.
Their soft lips press together delicately until Buck breathes him in and Eddie has no self control. He presses up into him harder, his arms wrap around his body as Buck holds Eddie’s face in place and deepening the kiss. Their tongues touch and it sends sparks all throughout Eddie’s body.
The kitchen counter is digging into his back but he has Buck all hard and soft at the same time pressed against his front and nothing has felt better than this.
Buck pulls back slightly to trail his lips down his jaw and to his neck. “You feel so good, taste so good,” Buck moans into his ear, nipping at his earlobe.
“Fuck,” Eddie moans before Buck brings his lips back up to his and devours him again.
A couple minutes of intensely hot making out in his kitchen go by before Eddie finally pulls his head back slightly, panting trying to regain his breath.
Buck does the same, watching him with a flirty little smile that Eddie just wants to eat up.
“We should probably—“ Eddie says softly.
“Yeah, yeah, we should,” Buck agrees, taking a step back, giving them both room to breathe.
“That was—“ Eddie starts to say, letting out a huff of air.
“Yeah?” Buck asks shyly.
“Oh yeah,” Eddie reassures. “You’re perfect and I can’t wait to get my hands on you again,” he flirts, a small smirk on his face.
Buck groans, “Don’t tease me like that.”
“You like it,” Eddie says, biting his bottom lip.
Buck gets into his space again, pressing himself against him and Eddie can feel how much Buck likes it. Buck kisses him again, his tongue in his mouth, his hands running through his hair.
Fuck, this feels so good.
Buck pulls back by lightly biting Eddie’s bottom lip. “I should probably go before we—before I can’t stop myself from devouring every last inch of you,” he tells him. His hands roaming down his arms.
Eddie wants that. He wants that so badly.
Eddie shakes his head, trying to get rid of the haze he feels like he’s in because of how hot Buck just made him. “That’s probably a good idea,” he agrees. “But—uh, I would like to continue this another time. Maybe when we can be alone?”
Buck smirks, “Absolutely,” before leaning in and kissing him again, this time softly, and just for a moment.
They break apart and start making their way out of the kitchen, Buck taking his hand in his and holding it tight as they walk to the door.
“Chris! Buck is leaving,” Eddie calls out.
“Bye Buck!” They hear Chris shout from his room.
Buck chuckles. “Bye Chris!” He yells back before pulling Eddie into his arms, kissing him softly on the lips. “Never gonna get tired of this,” he says softly, kissing him again.
“Good, better not,” Eddie teases.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Buck teases back. “Hey so before I go… I wanted to ask you something.”
“Yeah?” He asks, looking up into his beautiful blue eyes.
“Would you like to go on a date with me?” Buck asks, a shy little smile on his face.
Eddie smiles and his cheeks hurt from how happy he is. “I would love to,” he tells him before leaning in and kissing him softly.
Buck’s got insanely soft lips that are the perfect size against his and he feels exactly how Buck feels—like he can do this forever and never get tired of it.
“I’ll call you later,” Buck tells him before heading out with the bags of gifts he got tonight from his family.
Eddie finishes up cleaning before doing his nightly routine, making sure Chris is in bed, and then heading to bed himself.
He lies in bed thinking about what has happened in the past month and he can’t believe this is where he is right now.
His son is home.
He fell in love with his best friend.
His best friend has turned into more than just a friend.
He’s happier than he’s ever been.
Buck calls him and they stay on the phone together for too long considering how late it is and that they spent all evening together.
Eddie wouldn’t have it any other way. Well—if he could have Buck actually laying next to him instead of just on the phone next to him that would be much better but one step at a time.
They have all the time in the world now.