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James stirred from his sleep, lingering for a moment in the blissful in-between of the concious and unconscious. He hadn't yet reached the state to even begin to question why it was he had awoken when he received an immediate answer.
To his side came muffled quiet sobbing, he recognized it immediately and his foggy state vanished.
"Angela?" He whispered as he sat up to get a better look at her form, sitting next to him in the dark.
"Oh, James I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She choked out silently.
His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he could see her in a fetal position gripping her legs as close to herself as she could.
"Hey...what's wrong?" He asked, pulling the cord of the lamp on the nightstand next to him. As the dim light casted across the room it was then he got a better look at her. She had a look of pure sorrow and terror on her face, her face was stained with tears that she was now trying to suppress and wipe away in his presence, very unsuccessfully
"Just...just had a bad dream." She whispered.
His heart broke every time he saw her like this. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and comfort her, but resisted the initial instinct, remembering he needed to be more empathetic about what did and didn't make her comfortable and ask first before touching her in any way.
"Angela? Can I-"
she didn't even let him finish asking the question before she buried herself into him clinging to him like a safety blanket. He smiled softly, letting out a soft laugh and gently returned her embrace feeling some warmth return to his heart.
"You know we're sharing the same bed, you don't need to ask every time you want to touch me anymore." she said letting out a slightly pained laugh and smile while almost burying her face into his chest.
"I'm sorry." he whispered as he soothingly ran his hands through her hair. "Force of habit I guess. I... just want to make sure you always feel safe." He gently kissed her forehead and noticed her tears had begun to disappear. She gazed up at him with a smile. He loved seeing her smile, he noticed her doing it more and more these days and it made him so happy to see how far she had come, and in a more selfish way it made him feel like maybe he was doing something right and that someday he might actually almost be worthy of her love.
"I do feel safe,” she said, when I'm with you I feel like…like I'm actually home. For the first time in my life. Someplace warm and safe where- where I don't have to be afraid anymore."
She smiled softly, finding herself captivated by his warm gaze. She leaned closer to him and pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes and allowing herself for a few fleeting moments to imagine that they were the only two people in the whole Universe.
The moment didn’t last forever and so felt all too short once they separated. Angela's expression wavered as she met his gaze again.
"I... I don't want to lose you." she whispered as tears began to form upon her eyes again.
James gave her a confused but sympathetic look, as if she had said she was afraid he was about to turn to ashes and blow away in the wind. "You're not going to lose me. Ever." he assured her.
But her eyes still remained sorrowful and his concern began to grow. "Is... that what you dreamed about?"
She averted his gaze and her grip on him tightened slightly. "Yes." She took a deep breath.
"I thought I woke up here and...you were gone...and when I went to look for you I ended up-“
she stopped and took another deep breath.
"I ended up back home- back where I came from. I saw them all again." Angela continued as light tears began running down her face and she clung on to James more desperately as if loosening her grip on him even slightly would make him vanish forever.
"My mama- I mean...my mother. ...my- my...brother." her expression shifted gradually to anger and unconsciously she had started to dig her nails into James, though he remained silent. "My..." and hot tears ran down her face while she stared daggers into her own mind.
"Father" She said, spitting the last word like it was a poison that needed to be expelled from her system.
"You were lying there, dead, with all of them standing around you. I held you and I begged you to wake up but you wouldn't move...you were so...so cold! It felt so real." Her eyes twisted into terrified fury, hot tears streaming down her face and stinging her eyes as she began to feel herself back there, surrounded by them."They wouldn't stop laughing, they were so- so fucking happy! Happy to see me, on the ground, begging and crying like I used to! To know that they had hurt me again! That they could keep hurting me forever! I-”
Suddenly she was pulled back to reality as his hand ran gently through her hair, her eyes darted back to James and she suddenly realized just how hard she had been clinging to him, releasing him quickly. "Fu- Oh! Oh my God I'm so sorry James I- did I hurt you!?"
He gently took her hands into his "No, no. Angela it's ok. Hey, I'm alright. Ok?" He whispered softly giving a small smile and pressing his hand against her cheek so she could feel he was still here and still ok.
She almost broke down sobbing right there once again. "God...fuck how do you put up with me!?" She choked out. "I'm such a- such a headcase." She let out a bitter laugh and shut her eyes as if to whisk herself away from the shame she felt.
"You are not a headcase." He said softly, squeezing her hands lightly in his. "You're kind. Beautiful. You're one of the strongest people I know. You- you care about others Angela, sometimes more than you care about yourself, even though you deserve the world.” He smiled bitterly his own self-hatred welling up from within. “I mean look how much you worry about me." You've saved me Angela.”
Her eyes met his again and she felt herself focus in on this one moment, those eyes of his like a guiding beacon to safety.
"Everything...I've seen, everything I- I've done..." he felt a stab of guilt inside him, an old wound which had mended over time but would never truly heal. He wanted to pull his eyes away from hers in shame, but they'd had this conversation before again and again, she didn't hold his sins against him, another mark of how truly amazing she could be.
"I think the ground would've given out under my feet a thousand times by now if you hadn't been there to keep me from falling. This pain you carry inside? None of that defines you, your kindness, your bravery and strength, those are the things you are Angela. There's nothing wrong with losing your own footing now and then, I mean God knows I've done it enough myself and you've always been there to keep me steady and as long you want me here I'll always be there to keep you steady too. You make me happy Angela, I don't put up with you, you make my life better just by being in it. I'm just lucky I get to be a part of your life...and that you keep choosing to be a part of mine."
She ducked her head, closing her eyes again but this time however seemed to be unsuccessfully attempting to suppress a smile and a deep blush.
"Oh You....alright there?" He said with a smile, teasing softly.
"Shut up." She said meeting his eyes again, refusing to untether herself from that guiding beacon for long, now unable to even attempt to hide her smile.
"Hey so, you want to stay up together for a bit? Maybe we could...watch something?" he said with a sly smile.
Angela's eyes turned wide "Oh no..." she said ducking her head down into her hands and stifling the urge to burst out laughing.
"What!?" James said letting a laugh out himself, realizing that she had already picked up on his true intentions.
"You're going to make me finally watch that movie with the alien dog aren't you?" she said while letting some laughter slip out.
"Well the dog...isn't an alien, actually the dog was controlling the aliens and they were just pawns in the dogs experiments to- uh anyway I don't want to spoil the whole thing, especially the twist." He said, showing a rare almost childlike excitement that Angela rarely saw on him, but never the less appreciated on the few occasions she got to see it.
"The dog controlling the aliens in an experiment...isn't the twist?" She questioned with a smirk and raised eyebrows.
"Ok I know how it sounds but trust me, it is an underrated classic. You're gonna love it!" He was smiling from ear to ear now and Angela couldn't help but let out a giggle and smile herself.
All her pain seemed so far away these days, even though she would carry it for the rest of her life, times like these made her feel that she actually was getting better. Maybe she has saved him but he's saved her as well, and as much as her instincts told her to be afraid that this wouldn't last forever, when she saw the bright smile on James' normally stoic expression every morning when he awoke to see her or felt her heart flutter when they kissed, she felt that they would keep saving each other for a long long time.
"Alright." She relented with an expression of faux defeat "Grab the tape." She planted a kiss on his lips and the two shared a tender smile.
"Yes ma'am." He said with overdramatic stoicism, receiving another giggle on her end.
The two slipped out from the bed and walked hand in hand to enjoy a few hours of bliss in the fading evening. As the time passed on the couch, the couple bathed in the warm glow of the television set playing a rather strange black and white film from the 1950s, Angela felt herself beginning to fall asleep yet again while gently nuzzling herself into James and resting her head on his shoulder.
"mm James?" she whispered
"Hm?" he responded, drawing his attention to her.
"Promise that you won't be gone when I wake up?" she asked while letting out a yawn.
"I promise." he responded and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
Angela had begun to lightly struggle to keep her eyes open at this point and let out a positive "mmhthasgoodthankyou" while smiling.
James chuckled a bit and gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder.
"Mm James?" she perked up with one last slight burst of consciousness as she shifted herself once more to get that last bit of coziness that would send her on her way, her tired eyes softly gazing at him for just a few more moments.
"I love you." she whispered.
"I love you too Angela." he whispered back, as her eyes fluttered closed and she drifted off to blissful and sweet dreams of the better days ahead for them both.