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Buck and Eddie had just finished a late dinner and were cleaning up the kitchen. It was the first time Buck had been back to the Diaz house since Eddie had dropped the El Paso bomb. Eddie had somehow roped Buck into coming over after he finished covering part of someone’s hours on B-shift. He’d been dutifully avoiding the house on Bedford Street since the meeting with the realtor. Dinner had mostly been spent by Buck alternating between complaining about how weird it is working on B-shift without the usual crew and ranting about how people give sharks too much grief (he finished a book about them during downtime).
“So… you've been busy a lot lately,” Eddie observed as he put away the now clean and dry plates. He cleared his throat, trying his best to come off casual and not really succeeding.
“Yep,” Buck said, throwing the dish towel he’d been using in the sink.
“What, uh… what have you been doing?”
“A little bit of everyone,” he answered with a shrug and a smirk.
“You mean everything?”
“No. I've been going to WeHo and participating in very fun, very consensual adult activities.”
“Really?” Eddie hoped he didn’t sound as hurt as he thought he did. “When I asked you to go to dinner the other night and you said you had plans already, you were going to a gay bar to find strangers to hook up with?”
“No, actually. I had plans to meet up at a gay bar with someone I'd already hooked up with. Funnily enough, their name is Taylor. Not Kelly,” he added when he saw Eddie’s perplexed face.
“So it was a date.” Eddie’s tone was more than a little disgruntled.
“I don't know if I can classify it as a date. I mean, yeah, I dressed up a little nicer, we went out, had a couple drinks, and danced to Chappell Roan and Troye Sivan, but it ultimately ended with us in the bar bathroom. Again. And god, they do this thing with their tongue—”
“I don't want to hear the play by play of your bathroom hookup,” Eddie seethed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“If I was giving you the play by play, I would've started with how hard they were grinding on me during ‘Vogue,’ which is why we ended up in the bathroom.”
“That's cute. Very romantic that you know the exact song that was playing when you popped one.”
“Not that hard to remember. It's Madonna.”
“I know who it is,” Eddie snapped.
“Okay,” Buck said with another shrug.
“Are you seeing them again?”
“Maybe. Or maybe I'll go to a different bar and find someone else.”
Eddie sighed. “I thought you were done with this.”
“With what? Going to bars? Having fun?” Buck’s nonchalant attitude was pissing Eddie off.
“Is that what you call it? Having fun?”
“Yes, I often think having sex is fun. Don’t you?”
“Not really.”
“Wait, seriously?” Buck stood up straighter, his tone becoming more sober.
“It feels good, but I wouldn't say it’s fun,” Eddie said, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. “But that’s not the point. You reverting to Buck 1.0 is the point.”
“I am not reverting to Buck 1.0.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“You didn’t even know me then! What would you know about it?”
“I've heard the stories, Buck.”
“Then you should know that it’s not the same! I have my head on straight at work. I don't live in a frat house. I have a family with the 118 and Maddie. I found my place here. So what if I've been having safe, consensual sex with other adults in my free time?”
“So you’re not spiraling?”
“Nope.”
“This has nothing to do with anything else going on in your life?”
“I don't know what you’re talking about, Eddie.”
“Of course you don’t,” Eddie scoffed.
“What is your problem, man?” Buck demanded, reminding himself of a time many years ago when he was the one on the receiving end of that question.
“Okay, you. You’re my problem!” Eddie said, a perfect callback to Buck’s response way back when.
“What the fuck have I done to you?” Buck spluttered.
“Nothing! That’s the fucking problem!”
“You’re mad because I haven't done anything to you?”
“Yes! It’s just been ‘Look at this house, Eddie. The space is really accessible, Eddie. Do you want to be in the same neighborhood as your parents, Eddie? How close is this house to your sisters?’
“I'm so sorry for being supportive!”
“Are you really being supportive? Anytime you say anything to me lately, it’s only at work. You haven’t been at my house in weeks before tonight and it was a fight to get you here. But you have plenty of time to go fuck people named Taylor!”
Buck threw his hands up in exasperation. “Why do you care about who I’ve been fucking?”
“Because it should be me!” Eddie slapped his hand over his mouth, his eyes wide as he realized what he said.
“What?” Buck asked, all of the perturbed energy sapping away from his body.
“I didn't— Nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“Eddie,” Buck said, his voice low as he stepped closer. “What did you just say?” Eddie shook his head frantically, taking a step back, and then another. Buck matched his movement, eventually crowding Eddie against the counter. Eddie looked anywhere but Buck's face, his lips pressed in a thin line. Buck boxed him in with his arms on either side of his torso, pressing his palms into the countertop. “Are you jealous?”
“I'm a lot of things,” Eddie said, his voice tight.
“Tell me about them.” It wasn’t a request; it was a demand. And who was Eddie to disobey?
“I'm hurt that you’ve been distancing yourself from me. I'm furious that you haven’t once been upset about me possibly leaving. You’ve never tried to talk me out of it. You’ve been pushing me to go. I'm sick of missing out on Chris's life and feeling like a failure. I'm worried that he’ll never forgive me. I'm terrified of the way I feel about you. I'm scared to leave LA and to leave you. And yeah, I'm jealous of anyone who gets to touch you and have you touch them back.”
“I have been upset about you possibly leaving,” Buck admitted quietly. “Why do you think I’ve been distancing myself outside of work?”
“Well, why have you been so gung-ho about helping me then?”
“I can’t get in the way of you and Chris. I didn't want to hold you back. Of course I'm going to be supportive of you reconciling with him, even if it means we have to be apart. I don't want you to go, but I can't ask you to stay.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” He paused, giving Eddie a searching look. “Why are you terrified of how you feel about me?”
“You have to know by now.”
“I don't. So please enlighten me. ”
“It's because I feel so much, okay? I feel warm and tingly and there’s this tightness in my chest sometimes when you smile or do something stupid or cute or when you infodump. And there’s… there’s other feelings and thoughts and they make so much sense, but I was taught those things are bad. But how can they be bad when they’re so fucking beautiful? And-and you don’t even notice because you’re too busy fucking people in bars and helping me find a place in El Paso and all I really want is to stay. Well, I want to be with Christopher, but I really, really want to be here.”
“Eddie, are you… You’re….?”
Eddie nodded, biting his lip. “I'm gay. Hell of a thing to figure out, isn’t it? I figured it out a few weeks ago, and it’s… really helped me process things.”
“Jesus, Eddie, I’m so proud of you,” Buck said, a soft smile playing on his lips. “And, uh, can we talk about you having… bad thoughts about me?”
“They’re very gay. I have very gay thoughts and feelings about you.” He cringed as the words left his mouth. “Sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” Buck said with a small laugh. “It's cute.”
Eddie let out a deep breath. “I'm in love with you, Buck.”
“You know, I've been thinking a lot since you first told me about El Paso, and I figured out that I'm in love with you, which was extremely inconvenient since you were straight and moving 800 miles away. And… immersing myself in West Hollywood might have been a stupid way to try to deal with that realization.”
“I knew you were spiraling, you ass!” Eddie said, playfully slapping Buck’s arm.
“I didn't want to make it weird!” Buck defended.
“What are we going to do?” Eddie asked after a brief pause, bringing his arms up to wrap around Buck's neck. “I don't want to go to Texas. I don't want to leave you. But Christopher…”
“Have you asked him to come home?”
“Not in so many words.”
“Eddie, you need to talk to him. Tell him what you’re feeling, what you’ve been dealing with. Be honest. And be his dad.”
“What if that’s not good enough?”
“It will be.”
“I… it’s too late there right now to call him, but maybe in the morning we can Facetime him?”
“I think this is a conversation that needs to happen between just the two of you.”
“Can you just… be there? For support?”
Buck pressed a soft kiss to Eddie's forehead. “Of course.”
“That's not the kind of kiss I was hoping for.”
“Oh, it wasn’t? Maybe like this.” He kissed Eddie's cheek. “Or this.” The mole beneath his eye. “Or this.” The tip of his nose. “Or maybe…”
Eddie tilted his head up, his eyes fluttering shut. He could feel Buck's breath ghost across his lips as the distance between them lessened. Buck's hands moved from the countertop to Eddie's waist, and he finally pressed their lips together. Eddie made a noise of contentment and pulled Buck closer, their chests flush against each other. Buck licked into Eddie's mouth, drawing out a soft moan as their tongues slid together. He pulled away after a few more moments and leaned his forehead against Eddie's.
“Was that the kind of kiss you had in mind?”
“Mhmmm.”
“I've got plenty more where that came from.”
“Good. Do you, uh… maybe want to do more of that in my bedroom?”
“Want me to show you how fun sex can be?” Buck asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“Yes, please.”
“Well, since you asked so nicely, I guess I could do that.”
He pulled Eddie away from the counter, then scooped him up bridal style, earning a disgruntled yelp that turned into a fit of giggles. Buck leaned down and kissed Eddie all over his face before carrying him through the house to deposit him on his bed.
“I love you,” Eddie sighed happily.
“I love you, too.”
Buck crawled on top of Eddie and kissed him deeply, then showed him exactly what he meant by saying sex could be fun. Eddie could now say he wholeheartedly agreed.