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“Ten minutes, Pete. You can sit in time out for ten minutes, okay?” Patrick said, then backed away from the bed.
Pete didn’t mean to be bad, really, he didn’t. He didn’t know why he acted out and misbehaved on purpose so much. He just wanted Patrick to notice him. Of course, if he wanted attention he could always ask and Patrick would be more than happy to cuddle with him and give him all the attention in the world. Pete didn’t know how to ask though. So, he got Patrick’s attention in the only way he knew how. By trying to make him angry.
It worked at first. Pete knew he wasn’t allowed in the kitchen by himself. After Patrick had repeatedly escorted him out of the kitchen just to find him there again, opening cupboards and moving things around and making noise that was sure to get him attention, Patrick snapped. He grabbed Pete by the wrist and guided him down the hall to their bedroom. Not to Pete’s bedroom, no. Not where all his toys were. To his and Patrick’s regular bedroom, where there was nothing to do.
For the short few moments between the kitchen and the bedroom, Pete thrived on the rush he got, and the fact that he was getting the attention he was seeking. Now Patrick was leaving though, and being left alone with nothing to think about but the fact that he upset his daddy, Pete was starting to spiral.
Pete desperately wanted to call out to Patrick and say he was sorry for being bad, but it wouldn’t get him out of time out.
“Do you want the door open?” Patrick asked from the doorway, hand lingering on the doorknob. Pete didn’t answer, already too far into his guilt-driven nonverbal episode. Pete didn’t deserve to speak.
“Okay…” Patrick huffed, pulling the door closed without actually letting it catch on the doorframe so it cracked back open. “10 minutes.” He repeated.
As soon as Pete was left alone with his thoughts, he started spiralling. He wished the mattress would open up under him and swallow him whole so he could never bother Patrick again. Pete grasped at the comforter with one hand, stuffing two fingers off the other one into his mouth and beginning to gnaw on them anxiously.
He had made Patrick angry. He was repeatedly told not to do something he already knew he wasn’t supposed to do, and he did it anyways. He had nobody to blame but himself. No wonder Patrick left him in this room alone. If he were Patrick and had to deal with a little boy as poorly behaved as him he would walk out the front door and just never come back.
oh god.
Pete’s stomach felt heavy. What if Patrick had finally had enough of him misbehaving? What if he decided he could find a nicer, more lovable little to look after? Pete knew he was hard to love, but he really didn’t want Patrick to give up on him yet. He could be good, promise!
Still, what if Patrick didn’t see any potential in him anymore? What if he decided Pete wasn’t worth the trouble?
Pete hopped off the bed and crossed the room as quickly as he could, yanking the door open and stumbling down the hallway. He didn’t know it, but he was hyperventilating.
He passed the front door on the way to the living room, checking to see if Patrick had left. His shoes were still on the ground by the door and his keys were tossed into the little dish on the table in the hallway.
Patrick was still in the apartment somewhere!
Pete rushed around the corner into the living room, stopping in his tracks a few feet from the couch and letting out a shaky breath when Patrick looked up from his computer, seemingly very comfortable and evidently not leaving.
“Pete?” Patrick questioned, then glanced down at the time in the corner of his computer. “It hasn’t been 10 minutes yet.”
Pete couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He just watched Patrick stand up and walk towards him, unable to read his expression.
“Come on, back in timeout, let’s go.” Patrick said calmly, reaching up to guide pete by the shoulder. The moment his hand made contact pete dropped to the ground, nibbling anxiously on his sweater sleeve.
He didn’t want to be in trouble anymore. He didn’t want to sit in time out by himself, it made him feel bad and heavy and made his tummy hurt when he had to be away from Patrick. He just wanted Donnie and his paci so he could sit in his daddy’s lap like a good boy and maybe sleep because he knows Patrick will protect him.
“You need to finish time out.” Patrick stated, reaching down to try and lift Pete back onto his feet. Pete whimpered and leaned away from Patrick’s hands, refusing to look up at him. Instead he leaned forward, resting his head against Patrick’s thigh and wrapping an arm around his leg. He let out a shaky exhale, trying and failing to regulate himself.
“Why are you being so difficult today, hun?” Patrick asked, and it only made Pete’s guilt worse.
difficult.
Pete was being difficult.
Pete couldn’t help himself anymore. He burst into tears, choking on his own sobs. It only got worse when Patrick stepped back, but then instead of leaving, he lowered himself to the floor to be closer to Pete’s level.
Patrick didn’t touch him or try to move into his space, instead choosing to sit and watch Pete closely as he cried, wanting to give him a choice of what to do. The last thing Patrick wanted to do was overwhelm him when he was already so upset. Patrick wasn’t even sure why Pete was so upset about being in time out, especially after all the warnings he got. It almost seemed to him like Pete had been misbehaving on purpose.
Pete was confused. He wasn’t listening to what he was being told to do. He was misbehaving so Patrick should be mad at him. Why wasn’t Patrick mad? Why wasn’t Patrick yelling and screaming, telling him how he’s a bad boy for not listening and that he’s done with him?
Why isn’t Patrick putting his hands on him?
Pete would let him. Would take anything from him that isn’t the awful silence and lack of emotion he’s currently getting. Why is Patrick just sitting there?
Was pete not bad enough to deserve attention? Was he too bad? Had Patrick finally given up on helping him?
Pete sobbed, unable to be away from his daddy any longer. He didn’t even care if Patrick reciprocated the affection, he just wanted to be near him. He whimpered, shuffling across the few feet of empty space between them and forcing himself into Patrick’s lap.
“Oh, honey…” Patrick mumbled, gently wrapping his arms around pete. The boy collapsed into his chest in a mix of relief and fear, his sobs broken up by hiccups and whines. His entire body was trembling.
Patrick began rocking them both from side to side while gently shushing him, trying to get him to at least breathe normally. It wasn’t long before Pete switched from trying to force his way inside Patrick’s chest to actively trying to push away from it. It left Patrick confused at first, until Pete started whining and hiccuping for a different reason.
“Shit…” Patrick huffed, leaning over to grab the trash can from under the coffee table. He managed to get it under Pete’s chin just in time for a long string of sour bile to come up, along with what must’ve been pure stomach acid, seeing as Pete had refused to eat anything all day.
“Let it out, sweetheart, you’re okay…” Patrick said quietly, rubbing Pete’s back with the hand that wasn’t keeping the trash can steady.
Once Pete was done stress-vomiting, Patrick set the trash can aside and plucked a few tissues out of the box on the coffee table. He held them up to Pete’s nose, instructing him to blow. Pete tried his best, and then Patrick used the clean side of the wad of tissues to wipe his face and tossed them into the trash.
“There, feeling a little better? I’m sure whatever was going on with your tummy wasn’t helping, huh?” Patrick said with a gentle smile, hoping to maybe cheer Pete up a little bit.
Pete seemed to have cried so hard that he tired himself out, and the shock of suddenly puking as well must’ve snapped him out of whatever had him so upset in the first place, at least for now. Now he was just sitting there in Patrick’s lap, with half lidded cloudy eyes and his sleeve back in his mouth.
“I think someone needs a nap.” Patrick said, pushing Pete’s hair off his sweaty forehead. Pete just leaned heavily into the touch.
Patrick kept the hand on his head as he turned around and glanced at everything scattered around the surface of the coffee table until he spotted what he was looking for. He grabbed the pacifier with his free hand and offered it to Pete, who opened up and let Patrick set it in his waiting mouth.
Pete let out a shaky sigh of relief at the fact that he was finally in his daddy’s arms again. This wasn’t like his childhood at all. Punishments weren’t forever. Patrick wasn’t going to leave him because he misbehaved. Patrick would always be there, even when Pete had to sit in time out. Maybe Pete didn’t have to act out on purpose to get attention. Besides, being in trouble made his tummy hurt…
Patrick couldn’t say he was surprised when Pete squirmed and shifted in his lap to get settled, then promptly fell asleep with his forehead leaning on Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick just continued rubbing his back and holding him, hoping that Pete would tell him why he was so upset when he woke up.