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Two figures stood tall on the roof of the impressive building.
As the night sky bled thick drops of rain and drenched them to the bone, Light stole a glance at the enigmatic detective next to him.
Despite Light's insistence that they return back inside, where it wasn't achingly cold, dark and wet, L had elected to remain nailed in his spot, as if entranced by an invisible spell.
Sighing, Light let his gaze wander over the distant horizon shaped by the city skyline. The thin, white shirt he was wearing was absolutely soaking and clinged uncomfortably to his torso like a second skin, not providing any protection whatsoever against the weather or the chilly wind.
L seemed lost in thought, his gaze fixed yet unfocused, as if looking at something beyond the present. He seemed almost… sad. His frame appeared almost fragile in the rain, like there was a sense of deep melancholy wearing him down.
Although he was standing near to Light, the older man felt inexplicably distant, shrouded in an impenetrable solitude.
Taking a tentative step towards the other, Light carefully inquired if he was okay.
Momentarily L’s eyes lit up, as if interrupted from his inner musings by the question. He half turned to the younger man and answered softly, barely audible throughout the background noise caused by the falling droplets of rain around them.
“I was just… thinking.”
"Thinking about what?" Light asked, striving to sound casually curious rather than overtly concerned.
For a fleeting moment L's dark eyes lingered on Light's, before he turned away once more, his attention drifting to the far horizon. “I’ve been thinking that… it’s almost time, isn’t it?”
He offered no further clarification, but Light had a feeling he knew what he was talking about.
Before he could conjure up an answer, the other man continued: “Very soon things will be over… and this case will close.”
For some reason L sounded so... unfathomably sorrowful as he said that. The words gnawed at Light's stomach, making him shift uneasily.
Of course he knew what L was referring to. The detective had surprisingly good instincts, and had been completely right about Light from the very start.
Light's plan was nearing completion. L's defeat - his death - was imminent, unavoidable. Yet, the thought left an unexpected bitterness in Light’s mouth.
Forcing a cheerfulness he didn't currently have, he said: "It's not over yet."
At that, L peeked over at him. Light pressed on. “The Kira case is still ongoing. Everyone is working hard and doing the best they can. And we’ll find him, Ryuuzaki. We’ll find him and we’ll bring him to justice. I know we will.”
The other simply gave him his trademark blank stare, but this time it seemed off. Beneath the surface of his expression was a faint shadow of something that looked a lot like sadness. Or loneliness.
"Yes…" L murmured, though he didn't seem convinced at all.
Around them, the sky continued to release its heavy clouds into small, translucent droplets, but the rhythm had calmed down, now turned to a gentler patting against the rooftop's shiny surface. It provided an almost soothing background noise to Light’s thoughts.
He was acutely aware of the lie he had just spoken. According to his grand plan, in just a few days L would no longer be breathing. The genius detective would no longer be an obstacle to Light's vision of his New World. A world where no one would live in fear of criminals running unchecked. A world where justice was law, and punishment was absolute.
The idea filled Light - Kira - with unshakable pride. He would reign over this New World as its God, a benevolent ruler who would shape society into a true paradise on earth.
He knew the price. He was willing to sacrifice anything to achieve it, even his very soul.
And yet at this moment, despite his anticipation for his glorious victory, he felt… empty. Distracted.
Distracted by the way the other man was currently watching him, glistening eyes speaking volumes despite the apparent silence of his voice. Something about him seemed so agonizingly lonely.
And if Light was very honest with himself - which he would never consciously admit - he could share in the sentiment.
The knowledge that he was finally about to eliminate his greatest rival should have brought him satisfaction, even joy. Of course it should - and it did. Just not now. Not with L standing there looking at him like that.
“Tell me, Light…” L’s voice broke through the space between them. "Has there ever been a time in your life where you’ve actually told the truth?"
Those piercing eyes seemed to bore straight into Light’s soul, exposing him in a way that made his skin crawl. Light forced a casual demeanor - he wouldn't let the detective get to him. He wouldn't back down from the challenge. "Everyone lies from time to time, L. It’s just part of being human. But I would never lie to hurt someone else."
It was another lie, of course, and they both knew it. Yet Light played his role perfectly: the concerned colleague, the supportive friend. If L hoped to extract anything more from him, he was in for a disappointment.
“I see…” L muttered, turning his gaze to the city skyline and retreating back to that mindless, unsettling stare. Light swallowed. Why was all this feeling so wrong suddenly?
Was it L, who seemed strangely vulnerable tonight? Or was it something deeper, a nagging sensation Light had felt creeping up upon him over time, but had chosen to ignore?
The two young geniuses shared the silence, looking at nothing in particular and contemplating absolutely everything inside the privacy of their minds.
Before meeting the detective, Light had never known what it was like to actually relate to someone, at his own level. All the people around him were like ghosts, trapped inside their own narrow bubble and completely untouchable to Light. As a young boy he'd already learned that there was a distance between himself and others he simply couldn't cross.
In fact, this was part of the very reason why he'd gotten so skilled at act and deceit. Manipulation was a dirty word for something everyone was guilty of: convincing a fellow human to accept perception as reality.
It was his duty to rewrite the fabric of society and elevate people. In due time, they'd come to understand the sacrifices needed for a good, functional society - a meritocracy with clear rules and even clearer consequences.
He'd be the shepherd unyieldingly guiding the lost and the broken to the promised land. Toughness, out of love. That was his magnum opus, the end goal to all goals. For that, he had to be fully, unwaveringly committed to Kira, and let go of his misguided persona as Light Yagami. That man was merely an identity crafted to fool others; he'd never truly existed. Smoke and mirrors.
But this also meant he would be alone again. His entire life he'd always perceived a quiet but persistent rift between himself and his peers, and yet with L, it was different. Without even realizing it, he had come to enjoy the detective’s company.
Yes, L could be incredibly infuriating, and yes, the man could really get under his skin like no one else. They argued, spat, sparred, fought, clashed, -
Alright, L could really piss him off - that much was certain. But Light had also never met anyone before who could engage with him on such an intellectual level. The older man often managed to complement his reasoning and offer novel ways of approaching a problem. Around him, Light didn’t have to dumb himself down or suppress the sharper edges of his personality.
In some strange, ironic way, L was his first true friend. Obviously he loved his family, respected his father’s work, and felt a sense of duty toward humanity as a whole, but... L was the only person who really got him, the first and only person who had somehow managed to alleviate some of the accumulated boredom and frustrations Light had carried over the years.
And though Light would never admit it, sometimes L confused him. Sometimes his gaze would linger on the detective when he wasn’t looking. On the dark depths of his big eyes, or the way his lips curved as he licked his spoon clean...
Those moments of confusion stirred something within him Light was both not ready and not willing to confront. It was better to keep everything locked away, buried beneath the layers of control and conviction he had so carefully constructed. That had always been his strategy.
And yet a stubborn, emotional part deep within his core continued to struggle unhelpfully. Despite himself, the harsh reality that he'd end - no, murder - his greatest rival and closest companion filled him with a blinding, agonizing burn. Subconsciously he'd come to place a great value upon the other man's presence. A presence he'd have to harshly rip out of his life.
L was right. It would all be over soon. And quite frankly, Light didn't want to linger on the thought, the notion creating such horribly conflicting feelings inside of him that he simply didn't know how to handle it.
A raw pain swelled up inside of his skull to torment him, a silent enemy he'd done his damnedest to ignore and suffocate. But, standing there on that rooftop, right next to his one and only friend, and wallowing in the inevitability of the man's premature death... The pain swallowed him whole and spit him out in broken pieces.
“Light… Are you alright?”
A white shock of electricity flashed in the corner of his vision as he was snapped out of his musings, the older man regarding him with a slightly puzzled look quite unlike himself.
“Of course, Ryuuzaki,” Light murmured, striving for an air of non-existing nonchalance. “Why do you ask?”
“Because you appear to be crying, Light-kun.”
Light blinked, stunned.
Ah. He hadn’t even noticed his vision blurring. A forbidden part of himself seemed to have broken through, and the rain hadn't done a good job masking the unfortunate slip up.
Quickly he brushed his fingers over his eyes and wiped them clean, then shrugged it off as if it hadn't happened. “Yeah, I guess I’m a little stressed out because of the case and everything.”
Silence.
“Anyone would feel the effects,” he added hurriedly, his voice tinged with forced ease. “I’m alright though. Just a bit tired I guess.”
Being the skilled actor he was, he knew for a fact the pathetic excuse wasn't fooling anyone in the slightest. His voice had come out as weak and awful as he felt, for once offering an accurate representation of his actual inner state. Rough, invisible hands crushed his throat mercilessly, and the heavy pit in his stomach almost made his knees buckle.
Avoiding the detective's burning, analytic gaze on him, he made to retreat back inside, offering the excuse that he was tired and needed some rest.
One step was all he'd managed to take before a firm hand on his shoulder gently stopped him in his tracks.
“Wait.”
Light didn’t turn toward him, nor did he offer any protest. In truth, exhaustion had actually settled over him. The looming thoughts of L’s impending demise hung over him like a dark cloud, and he kept his eyes averted deliberately, unwilling to show the things he wasn't quite able to hide.
“Light-kun,” L began carefully, as if afraid to spook him, “You’re…” He paused for a moment, searching for the right words. When it came to Light, the right words were sometimes difficult to find.
“Tell me what’s going through your mind.”
Light struggled to maintain his composure under the weight of L’s unyielding contemplation. He didn’t know how to respond. The storm raging inside of him caused his racing thoughts to stumble over one another, confusing him a great deal and bringing him off balance.
Perhaps it hadn’t come from nowhere after all. Perhaps he'd simply been ignoring it, conveniently pretending it didn’t exist - until now.
Now, with L standing before him, so vulnerable and disarmingly sincere, it was impossible to deny.
With a few steps L crossed into Light's personal space in that characteristic way of his, standing just a fraction too near. “Tell me the truth, Light.”
The enigmatic expression on the detective's face was one Light couldn't quite place. This had to be another test, another challenge L swung his way.
It wasn't clear what truth the other man was precisely referring to, whether it be the open secret of his identity as Kira, or something else entirely. It felt as though something unspoken had always lingered between them, an invisible thread now pulling taut and rising to the surface.
The dreadful tension hanging in the space between them was nearly suffocating, but almost freeing at the same time. Like that small split-second of anticipation before a wave finally crashed onto a beach.
“The truth?” Light’s voice wavered, caught somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “I… can’t tell you. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
The older male was staring at him intently with that damned glint in his eye, the one which tugged dangerously at the edges of Light's careful control. It faintly reminded him of those animated conversations they tended to have, where they were so in sync they finished each other's sentences.
Standing so close enabled Light to see his own reflection mirrored in those big, twilight eyes. He couldn’t help but notice the way L’s jet-black hair framed his pale, porcelain face with effortless perfection.
A sudden urge pulled at him, a raw instinct born outside of his own volition. Before his pesky mind could make him second-guess himself, he deftly closed the distance separating their faces and firmly fitted his lips to L's.
For the briefest moment he could perceive the other tense up out of surprise, but then the young detective went slack as he simply let it happen, neither stopping nor encouraging it.
For Light, it felt as though the wave of his emotions had finally crashed over him, sweeping away all his pent-up energy in a single, chaotic rush. It was liberating and overwhelming all at once, as if he had become someone else entirely, another version of himself, someone resembling both Kira and Light Yagami.
Thoughts and feelings he had buried deep, hidden even from his own awareness, now undeniably surged to the surface, leaving a smoldering fire in their wake. It was too much, and yet it wasn't enough. He'd never realized how much he had wanted this all along.
After what felt like an eternity but must’ve only been an instant, Light pulled away just enough to steal a glance at the dark-haired detective, and wow – there was something so impossibly ethereal about the other man, glistening in the fine drops of rain and with dozens of unspoken words written across his face.
“Light.” L began, sounding slightly ragged. Through the velvet blush adorning his cheeks, he breathed in deep, soothing breaths, and then seemed to retrieve a semblance of composure.
“Light… Light is Kira. I’m certain of it.”
For a few long seconds, silence hung heavy between them.
The younger male couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Just like that, with those few words, he was snapped back to reality, tearing through the haze that had clouded his mind.
L simply stood there, exuding an air of quiet defeat. The sight was completely absurd, almost comically so. Light nearly let out a bitter laugh at the sheer irony of it all. He had done something so incredibly, unbelievably stupid - and of course all L seemed to care about was Kira.
The detective had no right whatsoever looking so pathetically defeated. It was Light who felt like he'd been bested.
He steadied himself, drawing in a slow breath before shaking his head. “How can you… even think that of me, Ryuuzaki? You know it’s not true. You know it.”
The faintest flicker of doubt flashed across L’s face, but as convincing as his words sounded, even to his own ears, he knew he was scandalously lying through his teeth.
That wasn't the point though. The point being - how dare L react like this? The insolent little bastard. Pushing him away like that after he'd bared a raw, naked part of himself? Accusing him with that same old recycled insult, as if Kira didn't stand synonymous with the title of the glorious savior who would bring an end to all suffering?
Oh, it was enough to make Light see red.
“How many times have I already told you?", he furiously snapped through gritted teeth. "But you don’t understand. Of course you – you couldn’t… You don’t understand anything."
Light could feel his patience slipping, frayed by a simmering mix of anger and shame. Yet even through his frustration, he was acutely aware of L’s calculating gaze, scrutinizing his every move. He knew he couldn’t afford to overreact and let anything slip that might give him away. In fact, he had already said too much as it was.
L really had a way of getting under his skin.
With a forced composure he couldn't pretend to possess, he retreated. “I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow.”
Not giving the other man a chance to intervene, Light swiftly turned on his heels and headed back inside with large, heavy steps. At least L had the decency of letting him go this time.
Acid was eating away at him and the daunting dread he'd been pushing back before, hit him with full strength. There was no going back now.