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Everyone has been acting weird.
Yanqing notices, even though they try to hide it from him. That’s what really tips him off - the effort. Fu Xuan has been spending more time with the General, watching him perform various tasks and duties with her hawkish eyes. The General tells her at first that this is unnecessary, she knows how to do his paperwork better than him already, but he gives up eventually, allowing her to observe. Her presence irritates Yanqing. He has nothing against her as a person, but she doesn't need to be here. It dampens the mood, makes the air of the Seat of Divine Foresight tense.
Qingzu is being weird too. Her long suffering sighs and muttered complaints have been absent these past weeks. She accepts extra assignments without complaint. She lets the General sleep at his desk for far too long before gently nudging him awake, telling him he should go home for the day. She even says nothing as he slips off for the third time this afternoon to meditate. Ridiculous!
Fu Xuan meditates with the General sometimes now too. This the General insists upon.
“When you replace me one day, you can't let your temper be your master.” He says, sitting cross-legged in front of her. She is struggling to fall into the meditative state, despite it literally being part of her job as Master Diviner.
“You think me ruled solely by my emotions?” she accuses. Yanqing is about to rise to his master's defense, when the General chuckles and responds, “No, not really. But you wear it on your face, and you let it fester in your heart. You can't let your opponents read you so easily, and you can't let your worries-”
“Hush,” Fu Xuan says rudely, sniffing loudly before trying again to calm her mind. Yanqing shoots the General an incredulous look. He merely smiles and closes his own eyes again.
The General is acting different too. He naps more, he eats less. He contemplates. He gets lost in thought, staring off into space until something reels him back. Sometimes, he stares at Yanqing, but when asked, he just smiles again and says he's ‘daydreaming.’ As if!
So. There is a plot of some kind happening, and the General is in on it - but Yanqing is not. His General's behavior warrants a visit to the Lady Healer, he decides. If he won't go, Yanqing will go for him - and Bailu will always be happy for an excuse to leave the Alchemy Commission, especially if he brings sweets.
“The General is sick, I'm sure of it,” Yanqing says. Bailu pauses, a piece of puffed candy on the way to her mouth.
“...of course he is?” She answers, questioningly. A look of horror comes to her face. “Has he not told you?!”
Yanqing sighs in frustration. He knows immediately what she means.
“What, the ‘onset Mara?’ Yeah, yeah, I know. He's told me, multiple times actually.” He shakes his head. “He's fine! I've seen the Mara-stricken.”
Bailu looks at him strangely as he paces around the deserted courtyard. She puts the candy back in the bag.
“I mean, there are no leaves, first of all. The Mara-stricken turn into these Abundance monstrosities full of branches and golden blood.” He continues briskly, unaware his voice is becoming shrill. “There's no major behavior changes. I mean he sleeps a lot more, he seems tired, but that's because he's sick, not Mara!”
“Yanqing…”
“And these talks he keeps trying to have with me are just him being prepared!” Yanqing continues. “He's the Divine Foresight! He must be prepared for any possible outcomes, which means he must prepare me for every possible outcome too, no matter how unlikely! This is just him being a good General. But he's okay, so when he gets over this sickness, we'll move on to hunting down Phantylia-”
“Yanqing-”
“-and we'll continue my training-”
“Would you just-”
“-and everything will go back to-”
“Yanqing!” Bailu yells. She's a lot closer to him - when did she get closer? Her hands reach out to take his. Why are they trembling? It's hardly cold right now.
There's a beat of silence, filled only by his panting and the slosh of the neaby sea.
“Yanqing… The General is dying.”
“You're wrong.”
When she looks at him, she seems so much older than she actually is.
“I wish I was.”
“You're wrong.” He says again, firmer, colder. The lieutenant wrenches his hands free and takes a step back. “And if you won’t help me, I'll- I'll find someone who will.”
He leaves- and pretends he doesn't hear Bailu sniffle behind him.
—
Dan Heng is easy enough to get a hold of. He knows the relationship between the Nameless and the General is complex, but he also knows that the General cares a lot about Dan Heng.
[Yanqing]: its yanqing. i need your help.
[Dan Heng]: yanqing? what's wrong? are you alright?
[Yanqing]: im fine. it's about the general.
[Yanqing]: he's sick. and everyone keeps acting like it's fine, including him.
[Yanqing]: they keep acting like theres nothing they can do about it. even bailu is talking stupid about it
[Yanqing]: i need your help. i need you to help me convince the general to get help.
He watches the texting bubbles disappear and reappear several times before Dan Heng responds.
[Dan Heng]: and what is it they are saying they cant fix?
[Yanqing]: they say he's developing Mara, but that's stupid because nothing has changed, he's just tired! the mast-stricken are different. you know. you've met jingliu, blade. you've seen the ones that were at the alchemy commission. he's not like that!
[Yanqing]: he's just being cautious! you know the general. he might listen to you if you tell him he shouldn't believe them so much.
[Yanqing]: dan heng????
After a good half hour of radio silence on Dan Heng's end, he gets a response.
[Dan Heng]: im sorry yanqing. i hope you will understand.
Before he can respond, he gets another message.
[Jing Yuan]: Come home right now. No arguments.
Yanqing furiously deletes Dan Heng's number before making his way home. He slings his keys on the kitchen counter as he enters. The General is waiting for him in the front room and cuts him off as he makes for the refuge of his bedroom.
“Sit.” He orders. Yanqing grits his teeth and obeys, sitting on the couch next to him. The General looks tired, but more than that, he looks mad. He scowls at his retainer, his mouth pressed to a thin line.
“Yanqing. That was a very cruel thing you just did. You did not mean it so, but that doesn't change the hurt you have caused Dan Heng.”
Yanqing blinks at him, matching the General's look with a scowl of his own.
“I didn't do anything Dan Heng.”
“I told you I was waiting for the Express to dock two weeks from now, to tell Dan Heng in person.” The General reminds him. Yes, the General did say that when he had tried to have this conversation a week ago, but Yanqing had pushed that conversation from his mind, like the others.
“Instead, you told him without any warning, without any consideration, over a text message.” The General continues. “Do you have any idea how painful it was for him to hear this news in that way?”
“I didn't think he would believe it too!” Yanqing says back. Normally, he doesn't question the General, but this is too much, even for his dedicated lieutenant. “He's supposed to be smart! He isn't supposed to fall for tricks and games!”
“This isn't a game, Yanqing!” The General asserts, his voice suddenly loud and deep and sharp. Both he and Yanqing freeze. The General is the first to deflate. “Yanqing, please… I know this is hard. I know. But this isn't a game, or a trick, or some training exercise. This is reality, and I can't strategize my way out of it. Not this time. I need you to understand that.”
“No.”
“Yanqing… I'm dying. You can't keep pretending I'm not.”
“Stop.”
“It's going to happen. I don't want to spend what time I have left fighting with you. I don't want that to be your last memories of me-”
“STOP IT!” Yanqing yells. The General reaches for him, but Yanqing ducks out of reach. “You're the General! You're supposed to be smarter than this! You always have a way to fix things!”
His chest heaves as he grabs his keys and runs to the door. He hears the General call out to him, but he's already gone. He blows past the Cloud Knights at the front gates, and onto the street.
“Yanqing-!” He hears distantly, but his feet are firmly planted on his sword. He lifts into the air, wind whipping his hair around his face, and shoots off into the encroaching night.
—
It isn't until he's found himself floating over Cloudford that he stops. He lowers himself onto a shipping container and sighs, shoving his hands into his pockets. Then he frowns when something feels off.
He's grabbed the General's keys instead of his own.
Guilt cuts through his anger and hurt. What if there's an emergency? What if the General needs these? His sense of duty is about to override his shame and make him return home, when he catches sight of an odd key. It's not one he's noticed before, dangling off a secondary beaded clasp. It has a red handle, with a number engraved on it. He thinks he's seen keys like it before. It reminds him of the keys to the Cloud Knight storage lockers at the Exalting Sanctum. There's also a label taped on the back.
‘just in case’
It's odd enough to pique his curiosity. And truly, he doesn't want to go home yet. Maybe if he stays out long enough, the General will go to bed, and Yanqing can slip inside without waking him. And this ‘just in case’ key.. maybe, if he finds what it opens, it will explain why the General is trying so hard to convince him he is dying. Maybe he'll be able to understand - and to fix this whole mess.
With that thought, he hops back on his sword, and speeds off toward the Exalting Sanctum. The storage area is deserted at this hour, and Yanqing discovers that the key doesn't go to a normal locker, but to a door that leads to a small room. But more surprising still are the contents.
Stacked against the walls are presents, carefully wrapped and labeled. There are loose folios of what appear to be letters and notes, bound by various strings and clips, stacked on top of the boxes. What? Confused, he steps forward. A blue box near the front catches his eye - the folded label on it says ‘18’. Curious, he pushes it open.
Yanqing,
Happy 18th birthday. Do you feel like an adult yet? It’s okay if you don't. I find myself still feeling like a child sometimes, even at this old age. Take everything one step at a time, and keep your chin high. You're doing great. Have a toast of baijiu to celebrate, and pour one out for me.
I love you. -Baba
Something cold settles in his blood. He drops the present back onto the pile. It rattles faintly. There's a silver one next to it, labeled ‘graduation.’
Yanqing,
Congratulations! I know graduating from your tutoring may feel anticlimactic compared to a normal school, but you should feel a sense of joy and accomplishment nonetheless. The knowledge you've learned and skills you've acquired are the building blocks upon which you will achieve your dreams.
I wish I could see you grow into the incredible young man I know you are going to be, but I feel quite content with the incredible boy I have still for a little while yet. I'm so proud of you. I have always been proud of you.
I love you. -Baba
…I love you. -Baba
All the labels he pushes open end the same. He wonders, when did he start calling him General all the time, even when they were alone? When he became a retainer? How long has it been since his father became this impenetrable, unbeatable hero in his mind? How long has he been convincing himself that his father is a figure, a myth, more than a man?
How long has it been said he called him Baba?
“Yanqing.”
He knows his father’s voice - not the commanding tone of the General, but the soft sad murmur of the man who took him in and raised him like his own. He has no idea how long he's been standing in the doorway, or even how he found him. He doesn't wonder about it. His father has the title of Divine Foresight for a reason. He's not sure the how and when matter anyway. There's a sigh.
“I… This started as letters, when you were a baby. I wanted something for you, if I one day didn't return from a battle.” His father steps forward until he can lay a hand on Yanqing's shoulder. “When I received the prognosis last month, I started working to fill this space even more. You… weren’t supposed to find it. Qingzu and Fu Xuan were to handle giving you these at the appropriate times.”
Silence falls for a moment.
“...Yanqing, I shouldn't have yelled earlier. I'm sor-”
“What now?” Yanqing asks. His voice sounds wet, but it's steady enough.
“Mm?”
“What happens now?” He can't look behind him. He can't. “What… what happens next?”
“Ah,” his father answers. He can picture him nodding pensively. He still doesn't turn. “Well, for starters, I'm going to transition to retirement. Fu Xuan will take over, and a new Master Diviner will be selected. I will continue taking my prescribed medicine to mitigate discomfort as my condition progresses. When the time comes… I will say my goodbyes, pay my last respects to the Luofu and her people, and be escorted to the Hall of Karma.”
“Mm,” is all Yanqing can say in response. His shoulder trembles under his father's heavy hand. Heavy, but always gentle. Will there come a time he no longer remembers this weight? This comfort?
“But before that, I'm going to spend my last years doing something very important. More important than any plan I've made, any title I've held, any battle I've won.” His father squeezes his shoulder. “I'm going to spend it with you - not as the General anymore, but just as your father. I'm going to make sure that by the time my life in this world is over, you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I loved you more than anything, and that the most important part of my life was getting to be your father.”
Yanqing turns. He has never seen his father cry before - but his eyes are wet, even if the tears haven't crossed the ridge of his white lashes yet. Yanqing draws a shuddering gasp and reaches out.
“Baba,” he croaks.
Baba catches him, and finally, Yanqing lets reality shatter over him, as he clings to his father and cries.