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Two days passed and Taash showed neither hide nor hair of themself around the lighthouse. Dinners were quiet, their place set, food served; it went cold without the qunari to eat it. Everyone was worried, Rook was certain that more than one of their merry band had tried to pay Taash a visit only to be rebuffed loudly; loud enough for Rook to hear from within their own quarters just a single thin wall away.
Riven themself had elected to give Taash the space they so desperately needed; to process, to mourn properly. But the qunari wasn’t eating as far as the elf could tell. They weren’t even coming out for water. Two days was too long without a drink. And, considering the bond between Riven and Taash, two days was perhaps too long to go without checking.
But what was Rook to say? ‘ I’m sorry’ felt hollow, useless in the face of such immense suffering, loss, and pain. They’d never really had parents, and weren’t familiar with the agony of such loss at such a tender age. Taash was only twenty-four. They should have had their mother around for years yet, to guide them. To love them. To accept them for who they were; as her final words had implied.
They hadn’t had the chance to make up after that awkward night over the Isskapp. They hadn’t had the chance to make things right; to be whole. A family. Riven didn’t have a family. They simply couldn’t understand that loss.
Still, stone sinking in their gut, they gathered a canteen of fresh water from the kitchen and made their way to the storage room where Taash made their home.
Wetting their lips, they prepared to knock on the door, when a hoarse voice came through the heavy wood.
“Go away.”
Riven pursed their lips, and considered heeding the warning behind those words, but this couldn’t be allowed to continue any longer. Taash would simply wither away if someone didn’t intervene. So, fiery breath be damned, Riven pushed through the unlocked door anyways.
“How’d you know I was out there?” They asked. Taash was facing away from the door, large body curled up on their bed. Knees pressed to their chest. They were naked from the waist up, wasting away.
“I smelled you. Now fuck off.”
“No.” Riven answered simply. And they closed the distance between themself and the qunari with little hesitation. The door shut softly behind them. “What do I smell like?”
They heard Taash swallow, “If I tell you will you go away?”
“Probably not,” Riven perched on the edge of the bed.
“Why won’t you leave me alone?” Taash’’s voice softened, almost quivered with a desperate sort of bleeding sadness.
Riven folded their hands around the canteen, “You need to drink water, Taash.”
Silence.
“You can’t just lay down and d-
“Why not?!” All at once they turned, lashing out, with fire lashing past their tongue. Riven winced, but they didn’t retreat even as they felt the heat on their tattooed face. Taash wouldn’t hurt them, not even in this reduced state.
“Because… I still need you in this fight,” Riven said in half-truth, concealing the deeper emotion behind the words as best they could. “Once Ghilan’nain and Elgar’nan are dead, then, then you can die if you really fucking want to.”
Feeling incensed, perhaps unfairly so, Riven tossed the canteen at the wall next to Taash’s head, “So drink up, get some food. I’m bringing you with me to Arlathan tomorrow.”
Taash glanced between the little elf and the water, eyes the deepest green Rook had ever seen them. They contemplated Riven’s words for a moment, then they settled into a sitting position on the bed beside them, “...You told me once you didn’t really have parents.”
Riven pursed their mouth, “No. They sold me off when I was young. Before that was… they weren’t really in it like your mother was.”
Taash said nothing.
Rook rose to their feet, feeling just as sick and guilt laden as before they’d stepped into the room, “Just… promise me you’ll at least drink something. I need you… in this fight, til the end.”
I need you.
The words lingered, hanging heavy in the air between the elf and the qunari.
When Taash gave no indication of answer, Riven began to walk away, squaring their shoulders, holding onto their shredded pride. They weren’t one for emotional outbursts, they were similar to Taash in that way; unless of course the qunari was angry, then there were no holds barred.
I need you.
“Wait,” Taash reached out, catching Riven by the wrist. They were so small in the qunari’s hold, so seemingly delicate compared to large, calloused hands. Their touch was electric, sparkling its way up Riven’s spine as they stilled.
“Riven,” Taash spoke softly, and when they glanced over their shoulder they found that Taash’s eyes were shining with unshed tears. “ Wait , I- I don’t wanna be alone.”
Nodding, Riven sidled up beside them, pressing into their side, resting their head on the qunari’s powerful shoulder, “I’m here.”
Taash swallowed thickly, “But what if you’re not?”
“What do you mean?” Riven covered the back of Taash’s hand with their small one, snake’s head tattoo peeking out of their sleeve.
“This mission, killing Ghilan’nain and Elgar’nan, it’s fuckin’ dangerous. What happens if you die?”
“...I die.” Riven admitted. They had prepared themself for that eventuality long ago, they had accepted it; their death in pursuit of the greater good. They were ready to give themself, body and soul, if it meant that Thedas persisted and the Veil stayed up. Their life for millions.
Taash’s face scrunched and they looked away, “I never shoulda kissed your dumb, suicidal ass.”
“Taash-
“You’re all I’ve got now, Riv.” Taash confessed. “Making friends is one thing but…
Riven pursued them, even as they pulled away, chasing them across the sheets, “But what?”
“I-
Taash huffed smoke, eyes rolling as though the words they were speaking were preposterous, “Ireallyfuckingcareaboutyou.”
Riven paused, blinked, then chortled, “I really fucking care about you, too, you know.”
Taash sighed, tugging the little elf into their lap. Riven wrapped their arms around the qunari’s strong neck, settling against their shoulder, “Lo- I mean, really fucking caring about someone… it’s dangerous sometimes.”
Taash nodded in agreement, pressing their warm cheek into Riven’s crown, “If you die I’ve got no one left, Riv.”
“That’s a double edged blade, Taash. Because if you die then I’m all alone, too. I mean, I’ve spent most of my life looking out for no one but myself. Somehow, having met you? I never want to go back to that.”
Taash nodded, eyelids fluttering, “Yeah… Mother, Tama . She didn’t always get me, but I think she loved me, always.”
“In the end she saw you for who you were, and she loved you because of it, Taash. Shokra Toh Ebra. She saw your struggle, your pain, and the person you have become and she loved you. Not despite anything. Not in spite of anything. But because .” Riven spoke, voice thick with emotion. They wondered what it was like to be loved like that.
Taash sniffed, and, feeling the heavy patter of tears against their hair, Riven turned their head up and kissed their jaw, “...you know I’m in love with you, right? Because of the person you are.”
“ Riven ,” Taash sniffed, jerking their head away like they could hide the onslaught of tears.
“In this world, to love is to lose, I think,” the elf admitted sadly. “But, it’s worth it while you have it. You’re worth it.”
Taash swallowed thickly, voice strained, “Yeah. Y-you’re worth it, too.”
“Because loving is to lose, inevitably, but it's also to live. And it transcends little things like death, even if they hurt for a while.” Their silvery gaze had turned distant as they spoke, and, strangely, they were reminded of their own mother. A meek elvhen woman who had never once shielded her transgender child from a furious father’s open hand. Shathaan would’ve laid the bastard out.
“She died protecting what she loved most, Taash.” Riven said. “And she lives on through you. Through your memory of her.”
Taash huffed, then choked on a sob, “Fuck, Riv. Stop bein’ so damn… I dunno, thoughtful?”
They laughed together then, through the tears.
“Please drink the damn water, Taash,” Riven said through bitter, stinging tears.
Taash, without jostling the elf from their lap, lifted the canteen, unscrewing the top gingerly. They drank deeply, a rivulet of cool, clear water escaping from the corner of their mouth.
Riven kissed it away.
When they were done drinking, they let the empty canteen clatter to the floor, then pressed their cheek into Riven’s hair, “You’re not allowed to die.”
Riven smiled, small and sad, knowing that there were no guarantees in their world.
“...I love you.”
“ Riven -
“Taash.”
“Just humor me?” Taash pleaded softly.
“...Okay,” the elf relented. “But you can’t die either.”
“Deal.”
And for the barest of moment’s it was enough.