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Your head is throbbing by the time the helo lands at the base. The mission had taken longer than expected, and for you being the newest of the team it was definitely the most time you spent away from base. The sound of the helo’s blades whirring down as it touches the pad gives you little relief before your ears are filled with the voices of your team. The loudest one ordering you all to wash up and turn in your gear.
“You all look like shite. Hit the showers. I better not see any gear missing.”
You thank god you decided to keep your headgear on during the fly back. In better circumstances you would have joined in on the laugh of your team, probably even adding a comment in yourself. However after the mission you no longer feel the comradery. Your lip trembles and you have to grip your backpack straps for your hands not to follow. you can already feel yourself slipping into a younger headspace as you trail behind everyone and somehow manage to make it to the supply room to turn in your gear. You’re about to shed your helmet when you startle from a voice behind you.
“There you are, thought I lost you on the helo”
Turning your head you see Price leaning against a locker. He looks noticeably softer than how he looks in the field. That booming voice subdued but still gravely, the furrow in his brow completely gone. you notice how he already looks like he showered you wonder if you wandered too much before finding your way here or if he took a speedy shower.
“Yup. Here I am” your hands remain on the side of your helmet. Dreading the thought of lifting it off your face.
Price crosses his arms and tilts his head. “You alright?” He expected one of your quick quips, but instead.
“Yes, I’m turning in my gear, like you told us” turning your back to him you finally peel off your helmet and finish checking in your gear. Just do what he said. Just shower and you can deal with this. You can’t regress here. You’re about to push past him when he stops you.
“Right well. Don’t forget our team bonding after your shower”
You don’t remember how you responded to him, the pattering of the water sounding a million miles away and the water on your skin feeling like little jabs. You probably scrubbed too hard, your irritated skin turning a blush when you finally sit down on the showers bench, the hot water growing more cold as you rest.
You don’t know what pulls you from your thoughts. Maybe it was your shivering, your hands do pruney you can no longer grip onto the handles of your seat. But it was probably the jerk of the arm shutting off the showers water.
You hear murmurs of “why are you still in here?” And “did you pass out?” Before you’re pulling from the bench and a towel is wrapped around you.
After a few blinks through the water dripping down your face you see the familiar beard and bucket hat.
“I was showering” you trail off.
“Yeah I can see that, nearly drowned yourself” there’s irritation in his voice with underlying concern.
“If you wanted to get out of team bonding you could’ve just said” Price looks confused when he sees you shake your head.
“I just…need to go to my room” you grip the towel tighter around your shoulders. slipping into a dressing room you dry off and slip on clean clothes, letting out a sigh of relief from finally getting dry and dressed. You expected to be alone in the showers when you left but price was still there.
“Right let’s get you to your room then”
As you two walk you try to not give him any more reasons to raise his eyebrow, however focusing too much on how you walk just makes him ask another question.
”I’m fine, just. Tired.”
“I can understand. It was the longest mission you been on so far….things got a little carried away on the field. A lot of talking over each other on the comms” Price nudges you with his shoulder and gives a smile, “But that don’t mean we don’t value you as a member of this team”
You think, in hindsight that’s what finally broke you. Tears were finally being allowed to stream down your face to an even more concerned price as you fumble with your room key and slip inside.
“Hey. hey. Hold on”
You shake your head and cover your ears. You didn’t want to listen, assuming it would lead to nothing good. John Price is your CAPTAIN. The same man who puts you through drills, gives you commands and is in front of you on the lines of war. The same man just saw you break down and cry. Despite this you feel a pair of hands tug your own away from your ears.
“Did we upset you that much?”
Nod
“We…didn’t mean to…yknow in the heat of the battle…we didn’t mean to hurt your feelings” you both feel out of your depth here.
You think of saying something but you don’t trust yourself to, so you nod again.
“Can you talk?”
Shakes head
“Is this normal for you?”
Nods
“Y’know I know some team bonding that would put a smile on your face-” Price tries to joke, but when you a whimper breaks from your mouth he shushes you “Ok, I get it, no team bonding”
Both of you stand there for a few moments. As unfamiliar as it was regressing in front of someone you start to feel comforted by Prices presence as you look at at him through your teary eyes.
“Uh um… you’re probably tired…” he shifts on each foot, already knowing he can’t detach his sleeves from your hands.
Nods
“Let’s lay you down then” He maneuvers you under your blankets, having to shush you every now and drain when you think he’s going to tear his sleeves from your grip.
“There, ain’t that better?”
You nod and feel him check your temperature, a large part of him still trying to make sense of what was happening to you.
You feel safe under the covers, the blankets and pillows you hide your body under giving you respite from the uncertainty of what was going on outside your room’s door.
Price follows your hand pointing to a strap peeking out from underneath your bed. Curiosity gets the better of him as he pulls the rest of the duffel bag out.
Your uncoordinated hands pull at the zippers to reveal the familiar gear you use. Your tattered stuffie and little gear alike haphazardly scattered through the bag.
“What is all this” his furrowed brow is back.
You murmur out “age regression” as best as you can. And thank god your words hit his ears. Through your babbling they weren’t clear but that didn’t matter. Price understood you through your comms, through explosion and gunfire, of course he can hear you now.
“Age regression?”
Nods
Price looks down at the duffels bag’s contents, putting the pieces together.
“This helps you?”
Nods
“Even though you started crying?”
You let out a whine and he shushes you, “I’m just…trying to figure this out”
He follows your hand again as it point to the pacifier in its carrier. “This? You want this?”
You nod and he hands the paci to you. A small noise escapes your mouth as you plop the paci in. John can’t help but chuckle at your complete change in demeanor and the sight of one of his soldiers using a pacifier.
Through your hums around the paci you find your stuffie and pull it to your chest.
”Nice bear”
Nod
“Can you talk?”
“Don wanna”
Price chuckles “Oh so you can talk“ he reaches out and shakes your bear’s paw which makes you giggle.
You lift the bear up to introduce them, “bear”
“That’s a nice name for a nice stuffie” Price’s eyes crinkle when he smiles and you hum at his approval.
“What else do you have in your bag huh?” Price kneels and leans in to get a better look at what’s in the bag.
You hum and babble as you show him your other pacis, some onsies, sippy cups, bottle. Pulling them all out and placing them in front of you over the covers. Price stops himself from letting out a relieved sigh when you don’t pull out the nappy tucked away.
“You do this after missions?”
Nod
“Does anyone else know?”
You shake your head vehemently
Price sighs and rubs his chin. He’s seen people cope with battle in different ways, most of them self destructive. “It’s better than burying yourself in a bottle I suppose…” His eyes flick over to you and sees tightening grip around your toy bear. “That is to say; we all have different coping mechanisms…” he sighs and stands, ready to leave when he feels your hand reach out to his sleeve.
“Stay?”
His eyes widen as he glances down at your fist grip his sleeve. His role as a Captain was to know and command his soldiers, and he still hasn’t learned this side of you.
“Sure, I’ll stay.”