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He realized he was watched as he was finishing packing his belongings. Just a quick look behind his shoulder confirmed his suspicion - a tall, shadowy figure in the doorway of the aftercabin was staring at him with arms crossed. A chill ran his spine at first, but a quick rationalization told him he was not in any kind of danger.
It was just Lucius, Bonnet's scribe, the flamboyant character that once made the Revenge crew's life more entertaining with his dramatic flair. It was almost sad to see the spark gone, replaced by distress and anxiety. Izzy was never interested in the personal lives of Stede's crew, but the past few months have made it impossible to ignore the changes that have taken place in people around him.
"What are you doing?" Lucius asked, stretching his neck to better see what items Izzy was organizing in his old sailcloth bag. "Are you leaving again?"
Izzy did not answer. The again made him feel uneasy. Reminded him of the bad decisions he had made back then, when he thought he could stop Stede fucking Bonnet from influencing Ed to the point of death.
"To be fair, I was shocked that you did not leave, like, weeks ago."
"Really?" Izzy grumbled, "And why is that?"
Lucius entered the cabin and sat on the edge of the bed, where Izzy's belongings were neatly laid out, waiting for their turn to be packed away. "Because I would have. I know I would."
"You did not leave either, Spriggs. You're still here, even after…" He stopped, seeing the grimace on Lucius' face. "You know what I mean."
The scribe let out a heavy sigh. Several months have passed since Bonnet's crew appeared on the ship, but it seemed like no one, except for the two lovebirds in the Captain's quarters, had truly moved on from the horrific events. Izzy was not surprised; he had seen his fair share of traumatized sailors after sea battles, hanged men, and dying mates. He knew that some memories do not fade quickly. The wounds may heal, but the scars remain.
"It's okay. I don't give a fuck anymore." Izzy said, trying to avoid the stare that seemed to pierce right through him. "Should have known better. Spent half of my life with him. We have been friends, we have been—"
"Lovers?" Izzy's bitter laugh answered the question. Things would have been way easier if it was only about love. But it was about everything they built together over the decades; some things stronger than love, maybe. Those times were long gone, and he wished he had realized it sooner.
"Bold assumption, Spriggs." he said, "Not everyone surrounds themselves with lovers. Some people do not get involved in that kind of mess. It's not practical."
He met the gaze of the hazel eyes, knowing well that Lucius was not foolish enough to believe his words. The young man was perceptive, and quite smart, actually. What a waste to see his youthful determination and drive crushed.
"Fancy a smoke?" Lucius asked, reaching out to his pocket. He took out a tin of tobacco and started rolling a cigarette, his hands noticeably shaky. Anxiety does that to people; Izzy has seen that many times before.
"Sure." He answered, shrugging, "Does it affect you much?"
"Smoking? No, Pete just—"
"No, I mean the trembling hands, you idiot."
"Ah!" Lucius attempted to chuckle, a hint of sadness in the fake laughter, "Not that much. I can still draw. Can still sketch you, if you ever want to."
Izzy ignored the offer, though he could feel the redness creeping up his cheeks. Seems like at least that part of Lucius Spriggs was still trying to hold on to some semblance of what he considered normalcy on the ship.
"I'm sorry about your leg." the scribe said, and stretched himself over the bed. The subtle light rays coming through the planks making up the ceiling illuminated his face. It wasn't as smooth and unlined as it was when they met, but Lucius was still a very handsome lad. The beard he had grown certainly added to his charm.
"Don't be." Izzy tried to sound relaxed, but the tightness in his voice must have given him away. He felt the uncomfortable weight might crush him at any moment. "I have another one now. Almost as good as new."
"Well, your leg was not exactly new—" Lucius tried to be humorous, but a shadow of concern crossed his face. "Sorry, I'm just, kind of bitter now, I guess."
"Figured. Who wouldn't be? All the men he drowned over the years certainly would."
"I assume the owners of all the limbs he took would be bitter as well."
"Can't say. All of them are dead, and I might as well end up in the ground soon, too."
"The ground? At sea?"
This time the laughter that came from Izzy's lips was genuine. "Wherever, I'm gonna rot anyway. Just as my leg did."
"Sometimes I feel I would prefer to rot in the water back then, you know?" Lucius stared at the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought. His eyes suddenly turned to Izzy, a haunted look in them. "It fucked me up, Izzy."
"Welcome to the team, twat." He reached his hand out to Lucius, but instead of patting his shoulder or helping him stand up, he slapped him. A red mark appeared on Lucius' cheek, a mix of surprise and pain in his eyes. The expression softened after a moment.
"What the fuck was that for?!"
"Stop being fucking stupid. You only get one life, one chance to make your mark. Don't waste it because of some bullshit that happened in the past."
"Wow, that's new, coming from Izzy Hands, Blackbeard's former first mate."
"Do you know how many times I have tried to end things? I wouldn't even be able to count. Every month with this madman was a new nightmare. But I never actually went through with it. Even when he gave me the gun."
For a long time, the two men sat in silence, the weight of Izzy's words hanging in the air. Hesitantly, Lucius wrapped his arm around his shoulders, and pulled him closer. The old Izzy Hands would likely have pushed him away and ordered him to get out of the cabin, then dream about the touch for weeks. But the new Izzy Hands was too tired to fight anymore. Life proved, after so many years, that it was not worth to resist the comfort and support that others could offer. He needed it. He longed for the connection and warmth. Years of staying with Edward and accepting that he will never offer him that turned him into a shell of who he was in his twenties, when they met. Spriggs still had the capacity to love and be loved, even after what he has been through.
"You know, I've been thinking, Pete and I are planning to get off the ship sometime soon. When we port in Martinique, maybe…"
"A French island? Are you two twats mad? You don't even know French."
Lucius bit his lower lip and nodded in agreement. "Neither does Pete, sadly. The only French word he knows is les testicules, and I do not think it means what he thinks, bless his heart."
Izzy let out a little chuckle. He wouldn't expect anything less from Pete. He was a good sailor, but not much of a linguist. Lucius certainly was the one who had a way with words.
"Well, good thing I speak French, then." Izzy scoffed, seeing Lucius' eyes widen with surprise. "And Spanish."
"How come?"
"What, did you think I became the first mate for my charming personality? I am actually quite educated, you know."
"The more I learn about you, the more surprises I uncover," Lucius remarked with a grin. Izzy half-smiled. After a moment of fighting back a blush, he replied, "Well, if you want to know me better, you'll have to keep digging."
"Oh, I hate to dig. Can't you just handle it to me straightforwardly?" Lucius teased, and his face got close enough to Izzy's that he could feel his breath. It felt nice.
"No. Life's not easy, Spriggs."
"Life's shit. But I guess we can try make the most out of it. Look, I was serious about Martinique."
Izzy shook his head. "Serious about what?" Lucius grabbed his hand and looked him in the eye. "Let's get the fuck out of here. Fang has a friend in there, he can help us settle down there. Let's steal some money from the ship and, I don't know, open a nice little café?"
"A café? What are you, Stede fucking Bonnet?"
"Look, what I mean is that you can come with us. Me, Pete, Fang… We could start anew, find a little cottage somewhere, get away from Ed's fucking whims. Just live our lives, never risk them again."
Izzy sighed. He never believed it was possible for people like him. But he also never expected to live past forty, and yet here he was, contemplating a future beyond piracy. Maybe it was the right time to say goodbye to the old ways.
"I guess I can give it a try." he said, finally. "You twats would not survive on your own."
Lucius placed a kiss on Izzy's forehead, a display of affection so rare and needed, that it almost brought a tear to his eye.
"You will make a great café manager,", he said, "Just don't make me scrub the floors."