Chapter Text
Tim didn’t like being out at night, but it was the only time he got to himself. Between talking to Jay in the morning and his therapist in the afternoon, there wasn’t time for him to sit by himself and think (not that Jay ever really left him alone, not now).
Sometimes he saw Alex. His clothes still stained with spit and throw up, mouth curled and eyes looking to kill someone, saying that he was trying to protect everyone and that it was all his fault anyhow. Tim ignored the black figure in the corner of his eye, instead drawing the dart back to him as he stared at the concrete.
He’s yet to see Brian. He wonders if it’s because he doesn’t want to visit him.
Not that Tim wants to see him, either, because the moment he does he’ll say something wrong and screw it all up again, just like he always does. but… well… Brian was always easygoing about that, in between lunch dates and secrets shared on their skin, he always held Tim with such reverence that you’d think he was a priest. Look between the lines of what Tim was saying to see what he’d meant.
He exhaled and any thoughts of Brian were gone like the smoke.
“Jay, I promise you, I’ve been cutting back,” Tim lied, his thumb pressing down gently on the top of the cigarette box. He’s told himself ‘just one more’ a dozen times so far, and he hasn’t gotten any closer to quitting.
He tried not to look at Jay, crushing the ramen in a pot that was much too big for it.
Alex visited sparingly, and he’s mostly grateful for that one. There’s this deep, dark thing in him that tells him he misses Alex. The beginning of Marble Hornets had been a fun one, a kick off with Brian and Alex at his side. He looked at them and he could see the sun shining and the birds singing.
He should have seen it then. Things never work out for Tim. Good things don’t last when he’s around.
Alex was the chariot with Tim pulling the reigns, and everyone else was caught in their path.
“Shit!” he pulled the pot off the stove, the water frothed and boiling off of the side. He let it simmer down before plating himself up, passing by the shadow that was taller and thinner than him, the same down-turned stare following him.