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Loving Izuku Midoriya was a blessing for anyone crossing his path, but a curse for Katsuki’s tortured soul.
The golden-haired man stopped counting the number of sleepless nights he spent thinking about his childhood friend and the rising emotions inside his chest. Each deduction came to the same conclusion, implying how the intense sentiments were caused by the same person that kept haunting his mind. Those stunning emerald irises and messy green curls transcribed such an ethereal painting for the most curious souls who wanted to know more about this delicate figure in the crowd. The crimson eyes were caught more than once admiring the freckles on the chubby cheeks that remained the same since their childhood.
The months became years, and before realizing it, the naive sentiments the blond experiences in his high school years became something meaningful. His shattered soul despised the heartbreaking glance rising in the nerd’s face every time he mentioned his past dream of being a hero, without realizing the numerous sacrifices made by his childhood friend behind his back.
The idea itself crossed the blond’s mind one night, recalling the numerous memories of their endless conversations concerning the bright future they were supposed to build together. Izuku was an angel who had fallen from the sky to find peace in Katsuki’s arms at his lowest moments. The golden-haired man wasn’t better than any stranger trying to seduce the naive teacher with desperate attempts, but he still owned the advantage of being the one knowing each detail of the man he admired.
Love.
This word contained so many meanings and yet was able to cause so much destruction at once. The narrative differed between each version: Sometimes, people would confess their affection in a platonic way with this term, while others were ready to devote their entire soul to their significant other. Katsuki Bakugo has never been a genuine fan of this common sense exploited in the past decades, deciding to create its own definition with a single name: Izuku Midoriya. When some people were ready to write entire poems with the palms of their hands to please their lover, Katsuki needed a simple glance to realize how easy it was to fall for the freckled man.
Everything was perfect about the nerd: His face kept the same magical aura that captivated him as a child, the freckles on his cheeks kept the same form the hero had mesmerized thousands of times, and the slight blush was the prettiest color he had seen. Katsuki was able to recall with closed eyes a detailed painting of this mesmerized presence in his life, who offered him a will to live and a reason to keep fighting.
For the first time in years, Katsuki Bakugo felt recognized for his actions.
The world might know him as the annoying presence that kept yelling in the media, but the blond didn’t need to ask to simply read into the teary emerald eyes how Izuku was grateful. No matter how many words tried to escape from his shaking lips, the chemistry between them remained the same if it wasn’t stronger.
In all honestly, it was selfish to be the center of the nerd’s attention for a few minutes, but Katsuki naturally fell for the vulnerable embraces offered by the scarred hands, holding his costume as if it were the most precious gift he ever received. Izuku didn’t know why he wasn’t even able to express his recognition at this moment, but he sensed how something changed inside his heart…an off feeling he kept hidden for too long.
The freckled man needed time to understand the change in his heart.
It wasn’t the first time this impression of deja vu was eating him from the inside, being unable to simply put a name to his feelings. The teacher suffered so many times from this jealousy inside his soul, being afraid to be left behind by a stranger that’ll replace him overnight. Indeed, the green-haired man couldn’t imagine a world without Katsuki Bakugo by his side. After all, his childhood friend was the one who led him into this new dream and stood by his side from the beginning.
Unfortunately, those thoughts started to claim his vulnerable mind as the years passed. He refused to name those sensations inside his chest every time they were standing too close to each other. Everyone kept teasing them about their chemistry and how they acted like their teenagers self, but the only reply the two men offered was a hidden smile.
It was a common statement that Izuku and Katsuki were bonded in an irreplaceable duo: the two figures were constantly glued to each other and overprotective after the near-death experience they faced. This world was cruel to tortured spirits like them, and the risk of waking up in front of a grave was terrifying them! The only way to solve this situation was to have a heart-to-heart talk, but many misunderstandings led to sharing their worries with the closest people near their reach: their friends.
Naturally, Izuku and Katsuki’s shadows were seen at different locations on different nights, taking many drinks and confessing their insecurities. Many tears have been wasted between a few curses coming from the blond’s lips, while Izuku simply accepted the alcohol in his blood. Their mutual friends were genuinely concerned about their states behind the mask they showed in public, almost like the story repeated itself in an intoxicating circle. If Katsuki’s friends had stayed understanding and loyal to the shaking figure on the counterbar, things would have been different on Izuku’s side.
His first instinct was to call Ochako, remembering how she had been there for him during his multiple breakdowns concerning his fear of losing this precious bond with his childhood friend. The brunette had been there and still welcomed the crying figure in this hidden bar in the tow, away from the most curious glances. The shorter woman naturally listened and tried her best to help him, leading to planning more hang out and slowly being the shoulder to cry on during those heartbreaking moments.
It didn’t take long to notice how Izuko and Ochako started to hang out more often, raising a constant jealousy inside the blond’s chest. There was something heartbreaking about the fact that the teacher would rather choose someone he had known since high school instead of the man who had known him since his childhood. It was unfair to see their two figures spending time together that was supposed to belong to the nerd and him!
As much as Katsuki appreciated how Round Cheek helped the nerd to feel better, he couldn’t help but feel a bitter taste in his mouth every time he heard her name leaving Izuku’s lips. What was so special about her and why did his emerald irises turn sadder every time his gaze met the crimson ones?
The only thing the blond needed was answers.
The hero kept owning this fake expression on his face every time a sensitive topic was mentioned and started to pretend until the damages were irreversible. Indeed, both men were surprised to see how this situation brought them closer, having the impression of being the best friends they always needed, even if all of this was a facade.
None really know how tears fell down their cheeks when no one was looking in the middle of the night, cursing themselves for bringing such an important bond to its downfall.
—---
Katsuki Bakugo hated the public party but naturally agreed, knowing how the nerd would be there.
Call him desperate, but his heart still handles at the idea of being the one offering those precious smiles and tender laughs. His heart shattered at the simple idea of letting someone steal this breathtaking soul like Izukus away from him. After all, those extras would never know the beauty of his sleepy face in the early morning during their sleepover or even the way his emerald irises were hiding a shade of black under a certain angle.
Those blessings were supposed to be destined for him and not a random shadow stealing the nerd ! Sometimes, the crimson eyes caught the sudden change in those irises, almost like the freckled man was trying to share some untold truth that’d remain hidden inside his chest. Their chemistry stayed the same, but both of them shared the same sensation that a single mistake might break this fragile bond they had kept alive during the last 28 years.
The background noises were too loud for the sensitive ears of the blond, who simply decided to take some rest at the wooden table. Don’t get him wrong, Katsuki was glad to spend some time with his old classmate and see how far they’d improved, but he always felt this bitterness every time his eyes caught their names above his in the rank. He was supposed to fight for his younger self and make him proud, but without the freckled man, none of it matters: Izuku was the heart of the project, and yet, in a single blink of an eye, the blond had the impression to see him fading away.
“Feeling solitary tonight ?” A familiar voice asked in a soft tone, putting his drink on the table and sitting beside him. None dared to talk, simply enjoying the presence of the other in this rare moment of peace they could find in their active life. Their worlds were opposed in slight aspects, with the freckled man helping in their shifts from time to time and the blond trying to stay alive every day with his job. “Reminds me of the old days when the great Katsuki Bakugo didn’t need anyone by his side. You were a stubborn head, I remember it all too well.”
“‘Needed some time with me,” mumbled the blond, letting his fingers reach the fabric of the cup. He didn’t know why his heart was arching at the idea of simply looking at Izuku’s eyes when the same irises used to make him happier than ever. The two childhood friends knew they needed to heal from their old scars, but they insisted on keeping this bond as strong as possible to avoid a mutual downfall. “And I recalled your shitty ass waking up every time I was apart, almost like you were afraid of letting me go.”
“I have a good reason for that. After all, Shigraki had already taken you away from me, and I couldn’t accept the sight of your bloody body near my reach a third time. You might consider me a pain in the ass, but I bet you wouldn’t be alive without me. I should get some credits at least,” the gentle chuckle of the teacher ruffled the hero’s ears, forcing him to turn his head around and meet the most breathtaking sight under his eyes.
The green irises were shining brighter than a midnight sky, probably due to the previous alcohol he tasted out of curiosity, but it was nothing compared to the beauty of his hair. The messy curls had always been a precious fabric to touch, but his fingers naturally lost themselves to ruffle them, avoiding the curious whispers in the room beside them. There was something unique with the way Izuku was looking at him as if he was his everything, and his glance was begging him to understand the hidden message behind this breathtaking smile. Katsuki wanted to consider this as a sign to let the nerd know how he genuinely felt toward him, but his reason stopped his attempts, convincing him that it was too early.
Katsuki waited too long and was aware that one day, someone would take his place and steal the man he loved away from him….
“I wouldn’t describe that way, but I think you’re right, freckles,” teased the taller figure with a grin on his lips, pushing the other’s shoulders. Izuku sighed, resting his head against the blond’s warmth and simply admiring how comforting it felt. Some days, he was tired of pretending and wanted to let his childhood friend know about how he loved being by his side, but his reason convinced him that it would be a stupid idea. If it had been on his own, the green-haired man would’ve probably already told the entire world that Katsuki Bakugo was his missing piece without understanding the meaning behind those words. “You should take it slow, the last time you nearly committed a crime near jewelry because you thought they were All Might cards. Guess who had your back and explain this embarrassing situation to the cops ?”
“It happened once, and It was a mistake !” The freckled man replied with a teasing tone, ignoring the blush rising on his cheeks. He wanted to blame the alcohol, but his heart knew it would be a lie, especially when Katsuki was the only one making him feel so many intense emotions at once.
“You still owe me a coffee for that,” the taller figure assured, resting his fingers in the messy curls. Their lifestyles were so different and yet so similar that none of them recalled the last time they had a proper moment of rest for themselves. “You tend to overwhelm yourself with your students, you should get a break. I bet these brats will be fine without their favorite teacher for one day…unless you gave them an addictive spell that makes them act like brats begging your attention like kindergarten children.”
There was nothing funny with this line, but the sudden laugh resonated in the room. Izuku’s hands held the blond’s arms, resting his head closer to his chest, releasing a melody to the hero’s ears. Katsuki’s face was too stunned to express any emotions, letting the tender sound heal his worries and simply reply with another laugh. The two men could be seen acting like teenagers having the best experience of their lives, being a sweet scene for the ones who admired how their figures regained their colors after this bonding interaction. The scarred hand held the blond’s clothes, almost like his drunk self refused to escape from this warmth that melted his chest.
The emerald eyes met the crimson ones, and time froze, realizing their sudden proximity. Their lips were separated by a few centimeters, sensing how their heavy breath could be heard by each other. The atmosphere in the room became suddenly too intimate, hearing their loud heartbeat being intolerable for their sensitive eras as their fingers naturally moved toward each other’s clothes. None dared to speak, refusing to break from this mutual interest shared in their glances. If Katsuki was ready to shut the nerd with a kiss, Izuku stayed breathless with a scarlet color on his cheeks.
It was the first time he felt this attraction toward someone of the same sex as him, especially when this man was called Katsuki Bakugo. His heart was begging him to shut the other down with a kiss, but his reasons stopped him before making a mistake he’d regret later. This bond they forged over time was too important to be erased by naive desire and attraction between each other, blaming alcohol…but Izuku knew this was a stupid lie to convince himself about his real sentiments toward the hero.
“I….” His lips whispered, being unable to release another sound. Emerald irises lose themselves in the crimson ones, ready to confess his sentiments, but he decides to take the lead and break this sudden distance between them. Katsuki stayed silent, watching through his will the familiar figure of the shorter man stepping back with a soft smile and regaining his consciousness. “I didn’t know your eyes owned a different shade of red than the one you usually described…It’s really pretty.”
“You’re bad at flirting even while being drunk, nerd,” the blond replied with a teasing tone, pinching the teacher’s nose and observing his eyebrow frown at the gesture. He ignored the shade of red color on his cheeks, entering the nerd’s game. “You should probably get some lesson if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you care about.”
“I shouldn’t be worried, not when I already got you by my side, Kacchan,” confided Izuku with a gentle voice, regaining his consciousness.
His eyes noticed the sudden change in the hero’s expression, almost like he said something he shouldn’t! Shit, he messed up and wanted to apologize, but a part of him was glad to see how relieving feel to express his thoughts out loud. The shorter man was about to reply, but another figure sat beside him, mumbling a few things in her own language. The two faces met the brunette who sat beside the freckled man, being way too close to the nerd to Katsuki’s opinion!
“Apparently, we’re not the only ones who need to stay sober.”
“I guess so,” the blond mumbled with a bitter tone. “I’m getting another drink.”
If the green-haired man immediately noticed the change in the hero’s tone, he decided to focus on the multiple conversations surrounding him. Izuku was glad to see how far he went with his old classmates, being reunited like the old days when he was the owner of the narrative he wanted to describe as unforgettable. The freckled man will be forever pleased for all the occasions his mentor offered when he was a nobody in the crowd who got the chance to become the inspiration of a new generation.
Izuku didn’t even notice when the minutes started to pass faster with the blink of an eye, staying focused on the familiar shadow of the brunette. He couldn’t help but be proud of how their friendship turned out to be something strong enough to stay through the years. He recalled the first time he realized that his temporary crush became genuine affection toward the shorter woman who accepted him for his whole, being the first friend he got after Katsuki. To this day, Ochako was still helping him with his heartbreak problems and unfixed issues, offering him the answers he needed when telling the truth to Katsuki would be too hard.
A simple smile crossed the teacher’s lips, realizing how grateful he was for having so much support in this life his younger self would’ve never imagined. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t even notice how the taller man was standing from afar, watching the heartbreaking scene. Katsuki Bakugo had always been the one occupying the center of Izuku’s attention, but now his biggest fear became true: Someone else was slowly replacing him, an opponent he never saw coming. Still, his heart arched at the realization that Izuku was the best thing ever happening in his life….but the one leading him to his downfall.
The memories started to replay inside his mind, recalling the numerous times when the nerd promised him to stand by his side until the end. If the vows seemed naive at first sight, they became a reason to survive as the sentiments inside Katsuki’s chest intensified every single day. However, the hard reality needed to be accepted, and the blond will forever remain an invisible shadow in the nerd’s life. His role wasn’t supposed to be the lover standing by his side but the ghost of his past, slowly dying at each smile the freckled man exchanged with Round Face.
The calloused hand held the drink tighter and made a sad sigh. After all, Izuku seemed to have already made his choice with someone he considered more important than Katsuki, and the hero needed to respect that. Each exchanged a glance, with the brunette acting like a stab in the blond’s back, tearing him apart piece by piece as the tragic realization crossed his mind: He needed to let Izuku go.
Katsuki made a bitter laugh, taking a sudden slip of his drink.
The alcohol tasted disgusting inside his throat, but it was nothing compared to the rising pain inside his chest. Without a final goodbye, his figure decided to leave the room in the crowd, forced to admit how he had always been the defeated soul since the beginning. Izuku did nothing but live in this journey he created himself, but the blond was the one taking the option of being more than friends with the man who taught him the breathtaking aspect of love.
Tears fell down his cheeks as he felt the wind brushing his ruined skin, walking far away from the party to punch the closest wall with all his strength. A loud curse escaped from his lips, ignoring the bleeding from his knuckles, and welcomed the pain from the sudden injuries and the one of his own soul dying piece by piece.
For the first time in his life, Katsuki Bakugo decided to give up. If only he knew how the freckled man had been concerned about his sudden disappearance from afar, maybe the two of them would’ve put an end to this misunderstanding that caused irreversible damage to their fragile bond.
—--
A sudden knock on the door forced the taller figure to leave his couch.
A quick glance at the windows told him that it was probably midday, especially with the loud noises coming from the streets. A week had passed since the realization that his entire world fell down overnight, staying distant from everyone….even his childhood friend. It was difficult to ignore the texts and the calls from the nerd, realizing how Izuku didn’t ask to suffer in this selfish process, but the longer he stayed away from him, the better it’d be for his mental health.
His calloused hands held the blanket closer to his shoulders, cursing the extra who had the audacity to bother him during his day off. The knock repeated itself multiple times, forcing the blond to groan and open the door, ready to shout at the stranger to leave, until his eyes met the familiar one. Many questions crossed his mind, but he never expected to see Icy Hot standing at his doorstep with a concerned expression on his face.
“The fuck do you want? It’s not Halloween, and I don’t have any candy, so you better leave or-”
“You like Midoriya, don’t you ?” Shoto asked with a serious tone, crossing his arms against his chest.
Don’t get him wrong, asking such an obvious question was unfair, especially when everyone already knew the answer except the two idiots who’ve been pinning for each other for/years/. To his knowledge, Shoto wouldn’t stand here if he wasn’t worried about the state of his friends: Izuku called him with tears and begged him to check on Kacchan, leading him to watch the terrifying state of the blond.
A quick glimpse at the apartment beside the taller figure informed how the room was a complete mess: Some dishes were undone, and bags of food were standing next to the television, which kept playing some old shows from the hero’s childhood. The bags under Katsuki’s eyes were visible and almost scary for anyone who was facing this heartbreaking sight for the first time. It felt strange to see such an impressive figure being vulnerable to anyone mentioning Izuku’s name, realizing how things must’ve been really dark for breaking his shield at the first person crossing his path.
“I don’t like him,” corrected the blond with an exhausted sigh, forced to admit how he couldn’t lie to himself. In another life, maybe he would’ve said the next words out loud and be welcomed with teary emerald eyes, accepting these new chapters of their lives. “I loved him, and I know a part of my heart will always belong to his stunning irises. I guess you got the answers you wanted, now you can proudly repeat this to the nerd who had no balls to ask me this question himself.”
“Midoriya sent me there because he was deadly worried about you and never mentioned any confession. He’s way too blind with his own feelings to even realize how he shouldn’t fight them, but he’s not aware of me figuring this out.” He expressed that he made sure to let his friend know that he wasn’t here as a bother but as emotional support. After all, it was the least Shoto could do with all the evident hints under his eyes since their high school years…But he was surprised to see how the freckled man rejected such a lifetime offer.
Katsuki decided to choose the silent treatment, forcing him to let the familiar face enter his apartment, which reflected the mess inside his head. Don’t get him wrong, usually, the blond would’ve prepared the bare minimum to welcome his friends in his safe space, but the last week had been emotionally exhausting. The stubborn figure who used to fight for his values and made sacrifices was now reduced to a shaking shadow in this empty apartment.
“Since when did you know that ?” He asked with hesitation, almost like it was embarrassing to let someone know about this vulnerable part of his personality. It felt strange to express all his worries to Icy Hot when it used to be Izuku’s figure standing by his side. Katsuki Bakugo was desperate and needed to be heard, and yet, seeing how worried his friend was, he was relieved.
“I sensed it a few months ago, seeing how something was different with you two. It was only when I saw your shadow leaving the party that I understood what was happening. Listen, Katsuki, I’m not here to bring you down or anything like that, consider this as a friend who wanted to check on you,” Shoto affirmed, sitting on the couch and observing how the taller figure stayed distant. The worst part of this conversation was how Katsuki needed to release all his thoughts out loud to get rid of this pain, but he was too weak for that.
“I’m doing good, at least, that’s why I’m trying to convince myself even if I’m pretty bad at lying. I’ve never been afraid of change until now, but every time I close my eyes and see his shitty freckles, I have the sensation of drowning,” mumbled the golden-haired man with a broken tone in his voice, holding the blanket closer to his shoulders. Shoto didn’t need to ask more questions to understand how Katsuki was acting like a child who was too young to face the conflict between his parents. “I wish I could convince myself that I don’t care about him now he got Round Cheeks by his side, but I can’t. How naive I was to think I was irreplaceable...”
“Did you try to have a talk with him about that? Maybe his version of the story is different and worth listening to-”
“I’m tired of chasing after someone who doesn’t give a shit about me, Icy Hot! I’ve tried my best to please him and my idea of happiness we could build together if he gave me a chance, but I wasted so many years for nothing. I was the one who knew him better than anyone, and still, I can’t sleep at night without seeing the shitty smile on his face that used to be mine.”
He yelled, realizing a few seconds later how he ended up expressing out loud the words that kept repeating themselves nonstop in his mind since the party. Katsuki was aware that Shoto was right and that he shouldn’t jump to a conclusion, but it was hard to see all your efforts wasted in the blink of an eye.
“Do you know how hard it is to move on from a love you’ve kept alive your entire life? It’s killing me from the inside, but it’s the best I can do to start a new page, even if this means saying my final goodbye to the man who owned a part of my shattered soul.”
Giving up had never been an option for Katsuki Bakugo, and the blond made it clear back in his high school days, but this time it was different. There had been thousands of fights between their graduation and this heartbreaking conversation, but none felt this intense. This time, the only one to blame for his own suffering was Katsuki for falling in love and hoping it would be his happy ending. Shoto always admired the dynamic between his two friends and how their trio made a great dynamic, but seeing the hero without his childhood friend was strange.
No matter the reason why Izuku rejected his offer for the agency, it had real consequences on the blond’s mental health. It started as simple thoughts but quickly turned into physical damage: There was no doubt the crimson eyes were begging for help in each of his glances. Don’t get him wrong, Shoto cared about his friendship with both mani and refused to take a side, but he didn’t want to let someone as sensitive as Katsuki suffer in silence.
“The choice is all yours, and I won’t force any drastic decision, but no matter what your final answer will be, I’ll stay with you,” he affirmed, catching the surprise rising in the crimson irises. Shoto knew he could never replace the impact Izuku had on his childhood friend’s life, but he would rather see tears falling down Katsuki’s cheeks than a grave with regrets. “As much as I care about Midoriya, you’re my friend, and everyone is concerned to see you in such a state.”
“I’m doing fine on my own and don’t need any help…not when the one I want already chose someone else when I’m nothing but a shadow in his life,” confessed the taller figure, welcoming the tears on his bruised skin. He couldn’t believe he had spent the last years preparing a project that meant more than his own life, only to see it fall apart overnight. His mind kept replaying the smile crossing the nerd’s face during the party and how his heart arched, realizing how he was doomed to nothing but failure.
“There’s always a solution…but you’re not alone and never been.” Shoto tried his best to offer the reassurance Katsuki needed, especially in this dark period of his life. He wished he had enough abilities to be as helpful as Midoriya, especially with the choices of his words, but one glance was enough to read how the blond was glad to have a shoulder to cry on.
“It’s so hard to love and admire someone until your bones, sacrificing your entire life for them but having nothing in return. I feel like a stupid puppet being used for selfishness that’ll lead me to a potential downfall, and I can’t stand this suffering any longer. I need this to stop, to erase all this pain and the nerd’s existence if this means feeling happy again. I don’t know what to do…and I’m scared of losing myself in the process.”
This time, Katsuki didn’t care about the stupid ego and unconscious rules implanted in his mind. He was tired of chasing after a ghost who barely acknowledged all the sacrifices he had made until now. Don’t get him wrong, Katsuki was aware of how Izuku didn’t need to have a debt concerning the choices the blond made on its own, but this realization always gave him a bitter taste of his current reality. It used to be the nerd and him spending endless nights making sleepovers at their parent's house and talking about their dream…but now Izuku found someone else to share this impression of deja-vu.
“I tried to hate him and curse his name, but it always led me to the same conclusion: That I’ll be forever doomed to love this unreachable figure. I don’t mind him finding his happiness with anyone, but he shouldn’t show it under my eyes and be surprised when I’m acting distant,” he pointed out, resting his head between his knees.
The bright frames of the show highlighted the entire room, previously filled with a sudden silence. It was heartbreaking to see a strong soldier like Katsuki returning to the state of a desperate child who needed a hug from reassuring figures, except this time, none of them were available, even the freckled man. Shotot was aware of how bringing Midoriya here and letting him comfort the blond was the best option possible to erase the other’s pain, but each thing in time.
“Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to be disappointed,” Shoto exclaimed with a sigh. The hero’s head was still hidden in the blanket, but the taller man knew his friend was listening carefully to each of his words. “I don’t think I could ever imagine a world where Midoriya and you don’t chase after each other, but this doesn’t mean you need to completely give up. I’m no one to express Midoriya’s side of the story, but if you want to make a change, try something small but meaningful enough.”
A slight movement caught his attention, letting the teary crimson eyes meet his friend’s. Katsuki Bakugo might be harsh and rude to the public, but none really knew how he remained a human with vulnerabilities. It didn’t take long for Shoto to figure out why the blond’s ranking dropped this fast, being related to the sacrifices he needed to make to see Izuku’s happy tears. After all, one could’ve predicted such a twist, but it was too late to change the past, and everyone was forced to move on, even if it was the hardest conflict of their lives.
“How am I supposed to do ?” Katsuki asked, owning too much hope in his glance. His heart knew how he couldn’t ignore the pain rising in his chest at the idea that his childhood friend would never return his feelings. The blond hated the idea of erasing the nerd’s existence in his life, but if it was the price to pay to regain color to his face…He was ready to take the risk.
“First, we can start by changing the shift,” Shoto announced as if it was the most evident thing, even if the crimson eyes stared at him with surprise. “I know Midoriya, and you have some of them coming in the next weeks, i can have a talk with Aizawa, and he’ll understand for sure. We can try to adapt to this habit for one or two months and see if you feel better. If it’s not the case, we’ll try something different.”
The golden-haired man stayed silent, trying to process all the previous revelations. He would’ve never thought that Icy Hot would be the one standing by his side and comforting him in the darkest period of his life. His past self would’ve never believed that someone as “annoying” as Shoto Todoroki would have so much impact on his life, being another person he could trust when he was at his lowest.
‘You don’t have to do that,” mumbled the blond with a low voice, almost like he was nervous about bothering the ghosts in the room. He couldn’t help but wonder where Izuku was and if he was doing fine. After all, Icy Hot decided to check on him because the nerd himself made the request! The worst part was to see how the green-haired man remained the same and had the audacity to be worried about him when he was the origin of his pain.
“You’re right, but I refuse to let a friend suffer in silence,” Shoto answered with a reassuring tone, putting his hands on the blanket and trying to cheer the blond up. The hero was ready to spend the night here if it was necessary, too afraid to see the blond jumping off his window in the early morning due to heartbreak. Izuku was probably lost in his sentiments, but he would never accept his childhood friend's death! “From now on, you’ll count on me and the people surrounding you if it’s too overwhelming. I’ll try to see if there’s a way to fix this situation with Midoriya, but don’t forget to prioritize yourself on this tough journey.”
“I guess you’re not as annoying as I thought,” the blond pointed out with a sigh, trying to calm himself. Tonight had been exhausting, and he wanted to get some rest, feeling how he was getting tired and closer to the comfort his body needed with those bags under his eyes. Katsuki was sure he wouldn’t be able to reach this conclusion if he was on his own, haunted by the “What if” that would’ve ruined his entire reasoning. Sometimes, having some extra by his side wasn’t as bad as he expected…. “Thanks for helping a desperate soul like mine. I’m digging my own grave, but at least someone will be able to share my story if I’m out of reach.”
“I’m accepting the compliment, but death shouldn’t sound like a proper option in this situation. I already told you how I’m standing by your side and want to try peace between the two of you, even if it takes me years to fix this misunderstanding,” Shoto whispered with a sigh, accepting the heartwarming sight of the taller man closing his eyes and resting on the couch.
The bed in his room must’ve been way more comfortable, but Katsuki was drained, accepting how he deserved his happy ending too…
—---
Izuku Midoriya didn’t know the last time he had a proper sleep.
His nightmares were mostly constituted of frames about the lifeless body of his childhood friend on the floor, surrounded by shadows putting the blame on him for causing this death. Honestly, the teacher never forgave himself for being too late on the battlefield, and his own therapist convinced him a million times about how he wasn’t the one causing this tragic event…but his heart knew better. If Katsuki never mentioned this topic until now, it was because Izuku never introduced it in the first place, too afraid to see the only person he cared about being distant.
Yet, this cruel reality happened under his eyes the moment the crimson irises started to ignore his presence. Izuku’s heart arched at the idea of letting his childhood friend suffer in silence when dry tears were transcribed into his bruised skin, revealing how this fake smirk in public was an act.
The teacher recalled the numerous times when he used to be the one by Katsuki’s side during his breakdown and the one reaching the blond’s house for their movie marathons like the old days. The green-haired man tried to convince himself it was all in his head, but the more his eyes chased after the familiar ones, the sadder he became. It was evident his childhood friend had something against him, an internal conflict that would never reach the teacher’s ears.
The freckled man naturally reached Ochako’s apartment to confess how heartbroken he was. He couldn’t believe how all those years of efforts to keep their relationship safe ended up being erased without any explanation. The brunette welcomed the tears falling down Izuku’s cheeks and listened to his rant about how much he missed his Kacchan, but she was a simple spectator of this show. Ochako caught a few times how the crimson eyes stared at her with jealousy, almost like he understood a certain truth, leading to more confusion.
However, Izuku’s world fell apart during a tragic afternoon.
The hints were hidden from his naive soul, who hoped to have a talk with the blond, who ignored him for two weeks and barely kept a conversation between them. The teacher man was aware of how many tears he wasted, being afraid of losing the most important person in his life! He couldn’t imagine a world without Kacchan and felt guilty for rejecting the agency proposition, realizing how this was probably the moment their dynamic degraded itself to the status of simple strangers.
Don’t get him wrong, Izuku loved being a teacher and wouldn’t exchange this life against anything. He was more than grateful to his childhood friend for offering the possibility to achieve his dream, but he needed more time! The switch between the different lifestyles would’ve been too hard to handle, but this didn’t mean he wanted to stay away from the blond. Maybe this situation led to a misunderstanding, but the only way to fix this was to have a heart-to-heart talk…which was impossible with Katsuki ignoring him like a plague.
The only moment of peace the two men owned was the calm shift in the agency, waiting for another mission to occupy their day. Today wasn’t different from the others, with the golden-haired man being on his phone and barely acknowledging Izuku’s existence. The freckled man held back his tears, but his heart shattered at the sudden realization that nothing would ever be the same. Their old dynamic of teasing each other and exchanging smiles was erased, transforming joy into emptiness.
Katsuki wasn’t stupid and acknowledged the heartbreaking glance of the nerd. If he could, he would stand beside him and make conversation about how much he missed him. Shit, he underestimated how hard it would be to ignore the nerd’s calls and texts, constantly asking him if he was alright and recommending to take care of himself. How was Katsuki supposed to fall out of love with his childhood friend when each gesture acted like a stab in the chest, giving him hope about something that would never happen? It was evident that both men had a lot of things to talk about, but they decided to trust time and fate for the sake of their relationship and this invisible string, able to break at any time.
A sudden sound caught their attention, forcing them to take a glimpse at the familiar figure crossing the room. Their eyes immediately recognized Shoto’s shadow, holding a paper in his hand with a serious glance. It didn’t surprise him to see how their friend agreed to make patrols with them, even if it was unfair to put Shoto in this mess the two childhood friends created.
“We got an emergency at the 3rd avenue, some villains trying to scare people. We shouldn’t waste more time, who knows the damage they already caused,” he expressed out loud, looking at the crimson eyes who simply nodded at his alert.
Katsuki decided to rush into the door, ready to stop this mess before it was too late, but scarred hands stopped him in the process. His eyes met the emerald ones, releasing a genuine pain inside those irises that used to shine brighter than a midnight sky. At this moment, Katsuki understood how it was the first time the nerd had seen him taking a mission with someone else, being a complete secret until now. His heart arched at the distressing sight of Izuku looking at him with so many questions at the tip of his lips.
Silence filled the short distance between them, letting the hesitant fingers hold the strong wrist tighter. The freckled man didn’t understand what just happened: He was alright about the idea of having their friend join them on this mission, but it never crossed his mind to imagine that Katsuki would choose someone else over him.
What happened to their promise of fighting by each other’s side until the end? Why did it hurt to imagine someone else sharing the memories that were supposed to belong to Kacchan and him? One glance at the callous hands and Izuku’s eyes widened, catching the injuries that ruined this beautiful skin that was worth the praise. His heart missed a beat, realizing how this might’ve been there for a long time without being ever mentioned by the blond…..
“Kacchan, what happened? Are you hurt ?” His voice asked with concern, holding the taller figure tighter, almost like he was afraid to let him go. The blond’s face turned sadder, understanding how his old habits of relying on his childhood friend would never fade away, especially when his first instinct was to reassure him with the words the nerd needed to hear.
“I’m fine, it’s none of your business.” Katsuki hated how the tone of his voice sounded too harsh, but it was the only way to let the teacher understand how they were wasting too much time. “Listen, if you need to say something, say it now because there are innocent lives on the line, and I don’t want to waste more seconds with shitty conversation.”
“You can’t be so rude to me after ignoring my texts and calls for two weeks! I don’t know what’s wrong with you or if I’m the one to blame for the sudden shift in our dynamic, but I want to get the old Kacchan back. I don’t like this one who constantly occupies my nightmares and keeps me awake at night, acting like he didn't care about me and everything we built until now,” Izuku shouted out loud, ignoring the curious glances in the streets. The two men were aware of how they were making a public scene, but they didn’t care, trying to have the answers they desperately searched for for two endless weeks. “To my knowledge, today I’m supposed to do my patrol with you-”
“Change of plan, I gave you a day off. I’m doing this with Icy Hot,” the taller man objected with a bitter tone, pushing the scarred hands away. He noticed how the emerald eyes widened at the sudden realization, holding back the unshred tears he held for too long. Katsuki’s heart arched at this poignant scene, but it was nothing compared to Izuku’s, who had the impression of confronting the biggest betrayal of his life. Something was strange: Katsuki would always have his patrol with him, as rare as they were!
“I…I don’t understand. Kacchan….What did I do wrong? Why are you running away from me and giving the impression I ruined your life? Can’t you just talk to me instead of escaping ?” The green-haired man asked with a shaking voice, looking at the hero’s eyes with multiple emotions rising inside his chest. He couldn’t help but feel backstabbed by the idea of being replaced so easily and deviated when the doubts confirmed themselves.
“Because I’m done chasing after you,” Katsuki assured with a sad tone.
It was the first time he had enough courage to express those out loud, but as Todoroki expressed earlier, Each step toward change is a meaningful pride in this tough journey. Maybe the blond will never find another person like the green-haired man able to make him smile and feel alive, but he was done condemning himself six feet underground.
“I’ve spent my entire life doing this, and I’m getting tired of slowly dying for a glimpse of your smile. Listen, we both need a break to figure things out and stay away from each other.”
Tears fell down his freckled cheeks, repeating the previous words that sounded like a curse to his tortured soul. Izuku Midoriya never imagined his childhood friend could give up on him so easily and erase all the sacrifices they both made to keep each other alive ! How selfish it was to pretend the nerd had never been a part of his life when two weeks ago, they flirted with the hope of continuing their adventure together.
“I….I wanted to have a coffee with you,” he murmured, recalling the conversation they shared during the party.
At this moment, past frames appeared in his mind like an old movie used by the dust, offering a bitter taste to his broken heart. He couldn’t believe he was considered a bother, especially when his Kacchan would never treat him that way, but the piece of the puzzle slowly formed itself under his eyes.
The realization he feared the most became his current reality: Izuku Midoriya and Katsuki Bakugo belonged to each other’s past. The two inseparable childhood friends became complete strangers due to their mutual misunderstanding. The green-haired man wished he had enough courage to rush after the blond and beg him for an answer, at least to try to fix this situation, but he couldn’t. Izuku thought he was stronger than that, but what should he keep fighting if the only one he cared about was ignoring him? Why was it painful to imagine Shoto being the one replacing him in this new dynamic and seeing the precious glances that used to be his? Why did he want to scream out loud to the world to wake up from this nightmare and fix his mistakes?
The idea of letting his childhood friend go was more painful than death. Izuku refused to live in a world where Katsuki barely acknowledged his existence. This fate would be the reason for the teacher’s downfall, who had so many projects for their future! Still, the shaking man was forced to sit on the couch in this empty agency, releasing his sobs out loud with no one to hear his desperate call for help. If only he would’ve made a move earlier, maybe the two of them would’ve been fixed, but it was too late.
Salt tears ruined his skin, so he took the closest object and threw it away against the wall. Izuku wished he could curse the blond’s name for breaking his hurt in such a cruel way, but the constant thought of being replaced gave him chills. As selfish as it seems, Izuku refused to see someone else take what was supposed to be his! None deserved to see the radiant smile of the blond when no one was looking, the way his fingers fit easily with the scarred ones, and how gentle the gestures were. This happy ending was supposed to be reserved for the teacher who was ready to kill to see a glimpse of his childhood friend’s smile. The only one able to love Katsuki in the right way was-
Oh.
Time froze, and a bitter laugh escaped from his lips. Izuku whipped his tears away with his shaking fingers and faced the unpleasant truth under his eyes. How stupid was he to never realize the hints since the beginning? This sudden distance was caused by the jealousy the blond must’ve felt after seeing Izuku spending too much time with Ochako, jumping to the wrong conclusions. The entire time, all the desires residing inside the teacher’s chest weren’t simple affection…but a deeper affection.
Izuku Midoriya was in love with Katsuki Bakugo. Unfortunately, he was doomed to see the man he cared about moving on without being able to erase the regrets that would haunt him until his dying days. At this moment, none of his loud sobs mattered, realizing how he would never have the occasion to tell the blond how much he cared about him. The freckled man was forced to admit how the only solution was to give up on life and everything he had planned for the next few years.
How stupid Katsuki and him were to think time would be in their favor when they were the only ones responsible for the tragic ending…
-end-