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Etho sits by himself, as per usual, the summer sun beating down on him from above. It’s hot out- probably near ninety degrees- and Etho’s had to completely discard his usual mask. It’s uncomfortable, that’s for sure- but there’s not really anyone who cares. It’s not like Etho has very many friends.
Except one. But he’s not- well.
Bdubs is something else. He’s, by definition of him being the only one, Etho’s best friend. He’s a son of Hypnos who’s in no way sleepy at any time before sundown, full of energy, raging and dancing with all the light and brightness of a flame. Bdubs is a wonder to behold, and for some reason, he’s chosen to befriend Etho. And now he’s the only one Etho has in this place (other than his headmates, of course). Unfortunately, Etho is not Bdubs’ best friend.
Because of course someone as dynamic and charismatic and funny as Bdubs would have other friends. And of course, in no world would he prioritize the quiet kid who’s also openly pretty fucking crazy. Not in the sense of energetic- no. Etho’s textbook definition crazy.
Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Who knew those three little words could fuck someone’s life up so much? That, and the word ‘transgender’, of course. Etho’s father, before he’d ran away, had… not been happy with those things at all. And, of course, he’d killed Etho’s older sister because she was finally starting to get up the courage to run away from the abusive environment she’d grown up with alongside Etho.
(Etho still remembers finding her body in the basement. He remembers the blood leaking out of her into a puddle, dark-red and as deep as the ocean. He remembers his fingers frantically scrabbling at her, flipping her over as she dies. He remembers the light leaving her eyes.
He remembers his father burying her individual body parts in the backyard and pretending she never fucking existed.)
All those things combined had been a breaking point, and Etho had ended up running away when he was eight.
Now he’s thirteen, and not that much has changed. Etho’s still quiet. He still flinches at slight reminders of his father. He still has other people in his head. They’re all quiet right now- off sleeping somewhere, probably. Etho’s being too boring, or something.
Etho loves his headmates, but at the same time, he just wishes he could be a normal person sometimes.
“Whatcha thinkin’ about?”
Etho jumps, jerking around like a deer in the headlights. Bdubs’ big, downturned eyes and gap toothed smile greet him, and he feels his face moving into something between Bdubs’ expression and a frown.
“You scared me,” Etho says, quietly. Because he says everything quietly. “Hi, Bdubs.”
“Hiya, Etho,” Bdubs greets back, moving to the front of the table and sitting beside Etho. The proximity is close, and Etho feels like he’s sitting next to the sun. He just wishes he could share in that light and energy. “You didn’t answer my question, but that’s okay, because I’m nice like that.”
Etho hums in response, hands trapped between his legs. He can feel his face heating up even more so than the 90-degree heat would perpetuate, and he curses himself silently. This is why he wears his mask. This is why he always keeps himself hidden. Because he just cannot ever seem to be able to conceal his emotions.
He doesn’t know how to respond to Bdubs. The shorter boy is trying to make conversation- he’s trying , and all Etho’s doing is sitting here like an awkward lump. He can feel Glass urging him, from the inside of his mind, to do something. But Etho just can’t .
“And it’s okay if you’re not much for talking today,” Bdubs continues, and surprisingly, he doesn’t seem perturbed by Etho’s lack of speech. Just a little… sad, if anything at all. “I can do all the conversation for the both of us! Say, did you hear about all the drama going on in the Apollo cabin?”
Etho hasn’t, and he says so, a single word spoken under his breath. Bdubs lights up, seemingly relieved to have found a conversation topic, and continues on in that train for a long time. And like usual, Etho is content to just… sit and listen.
Often, Etho thinks that Bdubs is like fire.
But if Bdubs is fire, that must mean Etho’s like ice- cold, unmoving, brittle. And he’s been this way for a very long time- ever since he can remember, in fact. And it’s hard to ever imagine being anything else. But with Bdubs? Well… with him, it’s different. With him, there’s a want, a need to get closer that Etho’s never felt before. There’s something twinkling in the eyes of this boy that draws Etho in, that interests him and leaves him wanting, yearning for more.
And for once in Etho’s life, being ice does not feel like the protection it’s supposed to be.
It feels like a cage.
“Bdubs?” Etho says quietly as the son of Hypnos finishes yet another long tirade. Immediately, Bdubs’ attention snaps to Etho, and his eyebrows raise.
“What’s up?” Bdubs asks. Etho notices the notes of surprise and even a little excitement in Bdubs’ voice, and he remembers that Bdubs likes talking to him. And Bdubs also likes it when Etho’s an active member in the conversation.
In the few times when Etho’s really felt himself opening up to Bdubs, he’s felt that way too.
“Do you ever feel…,” Etho contemplates his words, staring at his hands, flexing the fingers open and shut, open and shut. “Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a version of yourself that’s already served its purpose? Sort of a protective casing you’ve outgrown? It’s like… like with a hermit crab. They find a discarded shell or a bottle cap or a glass bottle that fits them, but they keep growing, and growing, and growing. And eventually, they need a new shell.”
“Are you needing a ‘new shell’ right now? Or is this, like, a system thing?” Bdubs questions. The usual bounce and bravado in his voice has been replaced by something calm and serious. It doesn’t sound like the Bdubs Etho knows, but in that moment, he’s grateful for the tone shift.
“Not a system thing.” Etho shakes his head as he says it. He’d know if there was a new alter being- being split, or something, and this absolutely isn’t that. “It’s just, like, this box I put myself in? To protect myself, I think. But now I’m protecting myself from something that doesn’t affect me anymore, and I’m overcompensating, and I want to be better friends with you but I don’t know how -”
“Etho.” Bdubs reaches forwards and takes Etho’s shaking hands in his, looking him dead-on with a look that somehow manages to be heartbreakingly gentle and very firm at the same time. “It’s okay. If you want to be better friends, you can just ask, and I’ll spend more time with you! And about that hermit crab shell? I dunno, dude, I think you should take a risk and discard it. Sometimes, old protections aren’t useful anymore. But yeah- the only reason I’ve been giving you so much space is because I wasn’t sure if you wanted little ol’ me hangin’ around all the time. But I wanna get to know you better, too.”
“Oh,” Etho breathes, because he doesn’t know what else to say. He’s too busy thinking about Bdubs’ small hands wrapped around his long, thin fingers. Their palms are touching, and Etho wouldn’t be surprised if Bdubs actually is made of the fire Etho so often likens him to. Because wherever their skin touches, Etho feels like he is burning .
“Yeah,” Bdubs says, eyes crinkling up in a grin. “ Oh .”
Etho’s face heats up. “Sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t know what else to say, should I-”
“No,” Bdubs answers immediately. “I thought it was cute.”
“What?”
“Uh-” Now it’s Bdubs’ turn for his face to heat up. Etho watches with a slight amount of awe the pink creeps into Bdubs cheeks. He did that? With only a word? “I mean… um… you are cute? I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say here, I-”
“It’s okay,” Etho says. He squeezes Bdubs’ hands, testing the waters, and is immensely relieved when Bdubs doesn’t pull away. “You’re cute, too.”
Impossibly, Bdubs’ eyes get even larger. A cut of something that feels like pride slices through Etho, and he feels a smile creeping onto his face.
“Well, I- I already knew that, o’course,” Bdubs blusters, looking very deliberately in the other direction. “That’s me. Cutest guy there is.”
“You’re not wrong,” Etho finds himself muttering. He doesn’t know where this insane burst of confidence is coming from. He doesn’t know why he’s acting this way. Hell, he doesn’t even know what Bdubs is to him at this point. But fuck him if he isn’t speaking the truth.
Bdubs shoots Etho a half-hearted glare. “You can’t just be saying these things, Etho.”
“Sorry.” Etho immediately backtracks, that familiar feeling of shame dripping over him like a cold egg.
“No, you’re fine,” Bdubs says. “It’s just- you keep talkin’ like that, Etho, and I’m gonna get ideas that might not be… correct. And I don’t wanna take advantage of you in any way, and-”
“What if those ideas were correct, though?” Etho whispers. His heart is hurting, aching, wanting for something else, something more, something- “What if I want to keep talking like that?”
“Then- then shit, Etho, we gotta work some things out,” Bdubs mutters. It would’ve sounded dismissive from anyone else, but Bdubs’ thumbs are still running absentmindedly over Etho’s knuckles, and his voice is soft.
“That’s okay,” Etho says. And it is. “I think we should do that, probably.”
Bdubs nods. “Okay. And for what it’s worth?”
“Yeah?”
“I feel the same way.”
Bdubs’ hands are tight around Etho’s. He is fire, and Etho is ice, and everyone knows what happens when fire and ice touch.
Etho melts .
“I’m glad,” Etho says quietly. The corners of his eyes are hot, Etho can’t help it as a couple tears slip out. “I- I’m really glad.”
Bdubs’ hands slip out of Etho’s, and for a moment he panics before they come up and wipe Etho’s tears away. His breath hitches in his throat- he’s not wearing his mask, and he’s not used to feeling anything other than the familiar fabric against his cheeks. It’s definitely not uncomfortable , though, in any manner. In fact, Etho finds himself leaning into the touch slightly, closing his eyes and taking a shaky gasp, feeling the heat coming off Bdubs in waves.
He leans closer, and closer, until all of a sudden Etho feels soft lips against his own. Soft, and warm, and surprised.
He breaks away from the kiss, looking at Bdubs shyly out of the corner of his eyes. “I- sorry, I just needed to do that.”
“No, I- uh,” Bdubs says, and he sounds vaguely shell shocked. Etho finds himself snickering. “H-hey! Stop laughin’ at me!”
“Now why would I do that?” Etho answers, and for once in his life, conversation comes naturally. “Your face gets all red. It’s cute .”
“Shut up,” Bdubs mutters, and he drops said face into his hands. Etho (cautiously, but not too cautiously) scoots over and wraps an arm around Etho’s shoulders. The shorter boy immediately leans into Etho’s side.
It’s nice.
Whoever says that fire and ice- no, not ice. Not anymore.
Water .
Whoever says that fire and water can’t fall in love?