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Deadpool zips through the multiverse with his usual panache, feeling pretty good about his little escapade. After the events of the Deadpool & Wolverine movie, he had this insane idea—why not find some more variants of Wolverine? Maybe spice things up, maybe find some new drinking buddies, and, well, maybe just mess with some timelines for the fun of it.
He lands in a bustling new dimension, boots crunching on fresh snow as he adjusts his red and black suit. The landscape looks vaguely familiar—a sprawling Canadian wilderness, of course. Typical Logan. But something’s…off.
Then he sees it. Standing atop a ridge in the distance is… himself? But wait. No. It’s…Wolverpool?
Wade's eyes widen in shock, then gleam with pure joy. He rushes forward.
"Wolverpool, is that you?!" he shouts, practically vibrating with excitement.
Wolverpool, a brawny mix of Wolverine and Deadpool, stands tall. He’s wearing Deadpool’s trademark red-and-black suit, but with the classic Wolverine mask—those iconic pointed black ears stretching out from the sides of his head. There are claws coming out between his knuckles even. Wade stops dead in his tracks, dropping to his knees with hands clamped to his face in awe.
"Oh. My. God. I knew my dreams were insane but this—this is beautiful!" Wade exclaims, tears of joy threatening to spill. “This is the Deadpool-Wolverine fusion I didn’t know I needed!"
Wolverpool just stares, growling slightly.
"Okay, tough guy, let’s calm down—oh, look at those claws! So sharp! So stabby!" Wade reaches toward the claws, then thinks better of it and pulls back with a flourish. “Never mind, no need to lose a finger today."
But then, something catches his eye—a rift in the timeline. A shimmering distortion that beckons to him, curious and teasing.
Unable to resist, Wade leaps through it with a quick: "Yolo!"
He emerges moments later, slightly disoriented but quickly shaking it off, when he hears some gruff voices ahead. Sneaking around a thick pine tree, he peeks out and sees—himself. And Wolverine.
But wait…Logan's not his usual self. He’s…heavily pregnant?
Wade’s jaw drops as he takes in the scene. Logan’s cradling his massive belly, leaning against a rock, his face twisted in pain. His breathing is erratic as beads of sweat drip down his furrowed brow. The version of Deadpool in this timeline is holding his hands, trying to help him through labor, though clearly at a loss for what to do.
"Holy chimichangas…" Our Wade gasps, slapping a hand over his mouth. He struggles to contain his laughter and amazement, his eyes sparkling with manic glee. "Logan's...in labour?!"
He can barely handle it.
"Oh, this is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Forget the rest of the multiverse, I am never leaving this timeline!" he whispers to himself before straightening up and muttering, "Okay, keep it together, Wade. Just—be respectful. It’s a magical moment."
The scene escalates as Logan suddenly lets out a roar of agony, his claws instinctively popping out as he clutches his sides.
"Aaaaagh!" Logan screams. “This kid better be worth it!”
Pregnant Logan's belly tightens, his muscles rippling beneath the surface, and then—like something out of an alien movie—his belly bursts open with a sickening, fleshy pop. Blood splatters, and a small, crying infant crawls its way out of him, slick with fluids.
Our Wade nearly passes out.
"What the cronenberg!" He stumbles back in disbelief, eyes wide in horror and awe. "Okay, that was NOT on my bingo card."
The alternate Deadpool quickly swoops in, catching the newborn with the reflexes of a practiced lunatic. With surprisingly tender care, he cleans off the tiny child and places it onto Logan’s chest, who—already healing—leans back against the rock, looking exhausted but relieved. His body rapidly knits itself back together, the gaping wound closing as if nothing ever happened.
"There you go, Wolvie," alternate Deadpool says with a grin, patting Logan’s shoulder. "Congratulations, papa. You’ve done good." He gestures to the baby on his chest. "Our little bundle of chaos. Takes after both of us, huh?"
Our Deadpool stares, utterly speechless for once. He shakes his head, trying to process what he’s just witnessed.
"Well, that was…surreal," he mutters. "Seriously, I’ve seen some weird crap, but this? Top five, easy."
As the baby coos on Logan’s chest, he grunts, shooting a glare toward both Deadpools. “You two better not be making a big deal outta this, or I swear, I’ll—"
Our Deadpool snaps his fingers. "No need for threats, big guy! I’ve got enough memories to keep me laughing for the next fifty years!"
As he steps back, ready to continue his journey through the multiverse, he whispers to himself, “Well… never thought I’d see the day Wolverine gave birth. Guess there really is a first time for everything.”
One last look at the bizarrely heartwarming scene, and Wade shakes his head with a grin. “Well, that was unexpected...”
And with that, he leaps back into the multiverse, ready for whatever absurdity comes next.
But even for him, this one was going to be tough to top.