Work Text:
Evan “Buck” Buckley has a lot of secrets, many he will never share with his team and family. Some have come to light since he joined the 118 and some he only learned recently. His biggest secret is one that not even Maddie knows, one that he has kept since 18 years old.
Buck has a private Instagram where he posts him singing, both covers and his own songs. He picked up a used guitar when Maddie gave him the keys to her Jeep and granted him the freedom he needed to explore. He felt so alone in those first few months, stopping wherever he could to do off jobs for some extra money and sleeping in his car. He found a used Fender acoustic guitar at a thrift shop and spent his well earned money on it. He was in a small town with only 3 shops total for the night, not having much to do when everything closed he went to YouTube.
The very first song he taught himself to play was ‘Knocking on Heavens Door’ by Bob Dylan as it only uses four chords. He eventually learned how to read sheet music and bought a journal to try and write his own music. That journal traveled everywhere with him, through all the jobs and states he travelled. Buck never thought he was very good but he decided to create an Instagram account to document his journey in learning guitar, hoping to help others and build a community that he could finally feel he belongs to.
He set up his profile under the name @WanderingMusicianEB and started to post his journey. His first few posts got a couple likes, not much of anything but he did get some song suggestions. By the time he started trying to create his own music his page had grown to 5,000 followers in a few short months. This page gave him a reason to keep going when the nights got lonely and life got hard.
The very first song he wrote he decided to call it ‘If You're Going Through Hell’ written within the first year of his journey of self discovery. He was very careful to never show his face in any of the videos he recorded, as he was embarrassed at first. His first original song was filmed, sitting by a campfire, from behind where he set up his phone on the jeep to record.
He has written more songs since, ranging from country to pop to folk, he likes to experiment with style and genres. His followers seemed to love it all and really he wrote based on his life experiences and how he felt during them.
He has not released a new song since his journey to Los Angeles where he wrote the song ‘Fly Over States’ about his journey. Now with time off after the lawsuit, his new therapist recommended he try to journal and get his feelings down on paper to identify them better. He tried at first but found himself writing a new song instead. When he finally felt good about the song, he decided to record himself like he used to.
Buck drove out to one of the easier hiking trails with his guitar and a backpack of supplies he might need on his hike. He decided on one of the easier trails as his leg was still healing.
About a mile into the trail Buck found a view he liked and decided he would record there. He set up his phone to capture the Los Angeles sunset over the mountains, propping his phone on a rock, he sat down and tuned his guitar.
He plucked a few cords to check the tune and decided he would record. He set up his phone on a timer, hitting start where He walked over to the rock he decided to sit on and face the view. He was silhouetted by the orange sky and setting sun.
Without an introduction he decided he would just start. He started with a slow intro, Making sure he was loud enough to be heard.
I'm in my bed
And you're not here
And there's no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands
Forget what I said
It's not what I meant
And i can't take it back
I can't unpack the baggage you left
What am I now?
What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm fallin
What if I'm down?
What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm fallin
You said you care
And you missed me too
And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you
And the coffees out
At the beachwood Cafe
And it kills me cuz I know we've run out of things we can say
What am I now?
What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm fallin
What if I'm down?
What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm fallin
And i get the feeling that you'll never need me again
What am I now?
What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm fallin
What if I'm down?
What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm fallin
Buck sat, staring off into the sunset for a few minutes before getting up to stop and edit the video. He watched it back to listen for sound quality, he would need to look into getting a microphone again after he lost his in the moving around he did. He felt it was good enough, looked into his old account and posted it with the caption “Falling” and some hashtags.
Buck decided that he would sit and play some others songs for a while, just messing around on the guitar and getting his feelings out. He saw a couple other people who continued past his, slowing down to listen to the music but not disturbing him. By the time he left the trail he felt lighter and ready for his next shift.
