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r/relationships • 8 hrs ago
notabigot
I don't want to be homophobic but I might be?
First, let me tell you that I know how this sounds like. But! I have a lesbian friend I've known for most of my life, and I have never had any issue with her sexuality. We have talked about our love lives before and there has NOT been a moment where I've felt uncomfortable or disgusted. Trust. I don't think I have a problem with gay people at all, or that's what I thought at least. I don't know anymore???
Anyway. I've (27M) been living with my roommate (28M) for almost two years now. He practically saved my life when I was at my absolute lowest, my mom loves him, he's my best friend. Aaaand he's gay.
I found that out when I tried to be his unrequested wingman and get him a date with one of our friends, a girl I might add. So, that didn't work out. Also, this was before we moved in together and it made no difference in me choosing to live with him. He's pretty much an unapologetic man so even if I had a problem with it, he would've not cared about my opinion and would probably cut me off from his life like nothing. Which is why I am worried about this and I'm asking for help.
V, my roommate, is an introvert, brilliant and married to his work. At least, that's what it seemed like when we first met. But last year I found out he is really popular with the guys. Not that it comes off as a surprise, I mean, I can see why he would be attractive to others? Anyway, he brings guys home sometimes, and I was okay with it since I had never seen/heard anything I wouldn't want to see/hear. It's his business and living together was bound to make us aware of each other's personal lives, like it or not. Every guy had been out of the house by the time I woke up so no awkward moments and, I mean, it's absolutely none of my business whatsoever so yeah.
Until this one guy, Xavier. One day I woke up and found him practically begging V to let him make him breakfast. Poor dude. He failed. He was out of the door saying his goodbyes and I saw him get kissed by V. I felt weird. Like what I was seeing was incredibly wrong. And it makes no sense, it was only a peck and I've seen worse from my friend and her girlfriend (they're shameless).
But I couldn't shake the feeling, I wanted to throw up and then I felt guilty for wanting to throw up. V is my most precious friend, it's unfair that's my reaction to see him be happy and loved.
Things escalated since, Xavier came to our home a couple of times after that, and this awful visceral reaction was there every time I saw him. I couldn't stop the feeling of wrongness every time I see them together and I'm really afraid these sudden feelings can drive V and me apart. I don't know what I would do without him.
I haven't seen the guy since, I believe they've broken up, but some other dude came last week and it was Xavier all over again: my hands would get all sweaty, I refused to come out of my room until I was sure there was no one in the house besides us two, and I think V may be aware of it. I may have been rude to this new man? I refused to shake his hand when he came to our place because I couldn't stop imagining what they would do together in V's room and it disgusted me. I feel disgusted by my own disgust. V said nothing but he turned cold on me the day after, he wouldn't eat dinner at our table and wouldn't look me in the eyes.
Things are as normal as they can be now, V is extremely polite with me to the point of being unrecognizable since he's more of a tease most of the time, but he accepts my peace offerings of food and company even if he's a little bit reluctant. I need to apologize but it would mean recognizing that I do have an issue with gay people that I'm certain I didn't have before. Maybe it's even worse and I am okay with lesbians because I objectify them? I honestly don't know what to do and I feel like shit, I hadn't realized I was such an asshole. V will hate me when we talk and I can't have that, I can't lose him.
So, how do I deal with this? Should I come clean or just work on my tolerance and acceptance? Have any of you gone through something like this? I want to fix it so I'm willing to try anything in order to be more open-minded.
tl;dr: Roommate is gay, I'm straight. Seeing him with other dudes makes me feel like shit. How can I stop being homophobic?
HoneyScent83 • 6hrs ago •
Dude... Are you sure you're not just... jealous? This seems to revolve around V only.
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piltoversfinest_3372 • 4hrs ago •
OP can you tell me what do you feel for your roommate real quick I'm trying to make a point
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playernoone • 4hrs ago •
AND they were roommates............
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SarcasticHound95 • 1hr ago •
Dude wrote a wall of text just to tell us he wants his roommate
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