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The warmth of the bed where he was stuck to Bradley was the first thing Jake felt that Christmas morning.
The first Christmas that he and his boyfriend would spend together.
Maybe it was a little pathetic at his age to be so excited for an occasion like that, but Jake didn't give a shit about it.
That deep feeling of warm security, that comfortable joy he had earned since they had met again and since they had become a couple.
For Jake, Bradley represented the happiness that had always been waiting for him beyond a relationship that for too many years had dragged itself under the tired veneer of a rivalry that, in reality, hid something else.
And that Christmas had to be as perfect as possible, Jake thought, holding himself close to Bradley, admiring the perfect fan of his still closed eyelashes, and immersing himself in those warm arms that always welcomed him, without hesitation, every day and every night for months.
He would get up in a few minutes, leaving their bed; he would have done his usual morning run, a quick shower and then immediately went to the kitchen to cook special dishes that for years he had prepared together with his paternal grandmother, his mother and his sisters in Texas and that now, finally, he would have let Bradley taste.
They were traditional Italian recipes - his last name betrayed his Italian origins, Jake was proud of the blood that ran through his veins in every single ounce -, because he wanted Bradley to taste the flavors he had grown up with since childhood and to learn new traditions.
But, deep down, the thing that mattered most to Jake, and he thought about it as he placed a quick kiss on Bradley's mustachioed lips, still asleep before leaving that warm knot of blankets and arms, was to be able to create a very special Christmas day with him.
The first of many others, because he knew with certainty inside himself that they were both building something together that would withstand any storm and any test.
They had overcome an impossible mission and death... Christmas was their right reward for this.
Jake was so focused on making the ragù, which was already bubbling in the steel pot that shone beautifully under the kitchen lights of Bradley’s house—which had long since become theirs—that he jumped when he felt a pair of muscular arms wrap around him from behind.
“Hey, babe,” Jake said, turning and getting lost in Bradley’s eyes, as he still did all too often. They were brown, sweet and deep; to him they were the shade of love, of understanding, of fulfillment.
Jake would have died for those eyes, without a fight.
“Merry Christmas,” was all he could say before Bradley planted a smacking kiss on his lips and pulled him close.
“Happy first Christmas together, babe,” Bradley replied, his face completely hidden in the crook of Jake’s neck and his arms a solid circle of feelings that needed no other words to express.
Jake could feel all of his love and gratitude coming in waves from his heart, enveloping him like a soft, warm blanket.
He couldn’t resist, so Jake placed another kiss on Bradley’s cheek, then one on his jaw, one on the corner of his lips, almost on his mustache, peppering him with everything that had remained an unspoken dream for ten years.
“We have a lot of catching up to do, you and I... this Christmas and these kisses are a great start, anyway,” Jake began before taking Bradley by the face and kissing him again.
It was just like Shakespeare said: every single kiss between them created a thirst for love that could never, ever be quenched.
Bradley’s laughter reached Jake’s ears, rich and joyful as always.
“Then let me continue to catch up, Lieutenant Seresin,” was Bradley’s last reply before the words stopped being spoken between them in that kitchen for a long time.
The kitchen table was set by Jake and Bradkey with everything Christmassy they found in their house; things had taken out Carole’s boxes, filled with so many wonders that had been sitting unused for too many years.
Now Bradley was happier than he had ever been since her death and Jake absolutely wanted him to start feeling again the joy that still existed in that special day and the love that he himself intended to give him forever.
A completely red tablecloth, all embroidered and very refined, was arranged without even a crease - Bradley had an extraordinary talent for ironing, Jake couldn't believe it every time -, two tall and elegant glasses and steel cutlery with silver and gold intertwined in front of their seats. At last, a small vase with poinsettias that Jake had bought just that morning was placed in the center of everything, with a bottle of red wine that shone next to it.
It was cozy and intimate, just how Jake wanted that day together to be... Bradley had done an incredible job in the mise en place.
Jake took the lasagna alla bolognese from the kitchen counter that he had prepared with obsessive care (three hours of slow cooking just for the ragù) and placed it on the table to let it cool down a bit more; then he went to get the roast from the oven with freshly cooked baked potatoes, and arranged the dessert on a large red ceramic plate, namely the artisanal chocolate panettone that an Italian cousin of his sent him every year from Rome along with other various delicacies, God bless him.
Bradley returned at that moment from the video call made to Mav and rushed to his side, admiring the table full of food.
Jake turned and saw Bradley's eyes filled with emotion - God only knew what he was feeling in that moment, how long it had been since he celebrated Christmas with the warmth and affection he deserved to receive.
That thought squeezed his heart in his chest in a painfully excruciating way.
Going to Texas together to visit Jake’s family had been an idea that had crossed his mind, but Jake realized that Christmas was a sensitive subject for Bradley and he didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed by indulging him.
They would have spent their first Christmas together alone, it was the right thing to do, to let Bradley get used to the attention he hadn’t received in decades—he had told Jake many times about Christmases spent working and how, in general, December was a painful month that only reminded him of everything he had lost over the years.
His father, his mother, Mav.
“Hey, we did a good job together... we really make a good team,” Jake whispered, pushing Bradley against him and stroking his side.
Bradley welcomed his touch as he gently touched his waist in return.
“We always have been a good team, babe,” was his honest reply.
“Now it’s time for the gift exchange!” Jake yelled after he’d finished unpacking the dishwasher—it was already his second one of the day, but that was okay. He’d dirtied a lot of pots and knives while cooking, but it had been worth it: everything had been delicious, and what was left would be eaten tomorrow.
The lasagna, for example, would be even more delicious, no doubt about it.
Bradley answered him from the living room, where he was arranging several soft pillows on the couch. TV was already on, the screen showing some random cheesy Christmas movie, but with no sound.
“Come here, babe! Your present is already here,” was all Bradley said to Jake, piquing his curiosity even more.
He hadn’t revealed many details about it; he just knew that he’d been working on it for three weeks, and Jake had often wondered what Bradley had planned for him that was so special that he’d taken up so much of his time.
Jake started the dishwasher as usual, its initial gurgling accompanying him in the background as he opened a drawer in the kitchen and pulled out a not very large package, carefully wrapped by him a few days before in secret.
He hid it behind his back as he sat on the couch next to Bradley, a curious expression painted on his face as he handed it to him.
“At the Seresin house, the tradition is to open Christmas presents after lunch. Some do it at the stroke of midnight, others on Christmas morning,” Jake began. “I really like this little tradition on a full stomach... so open your present now, babe!”
Jake didn’t miss a single movement of Bradley’s hands and focused his attention on the expressions on his face when he found a watch box in his fingers.
“A watch? Classy,” Bradley muttered in an amused voice before opening the box and seeing what was inside.
Jake then walked over to him, squeezing his hand tightly.
“I really wanted this to be incredibly special for you, so I turned to Mav. This is actually from both of us,” Jake said before swallowing.
It felt like the right words to say to Bradley were slipping away from him like grains of sand in the wind, but then he continued.
“You once told me that you had no memories of your father except for his wedding ring. So a few months ago I asked Mav if he had anything that belonged to him, and he told me that your mother gave him this watch so he could give it back to you when you turned twenty-one,” Jake continued, while Bradley stared at the watch and his eyes every few seconds.
Shock was written all over his features, since he had stopped having anything to do with Mav when he was about eighteen and didn’t know about this, so Jake really hoped he hadn’t screwed up his gift.
“The gold face had remained perfectly intact over time, but the leather strap had gotten pretty worn down... I just replaced it with a new one, thicker and more durable.”
As he said this, Bradley’s fingertips ran over the strap of the watch that had once been on Nick Bradshaw’s wrist.
“It’s only right that this watch should come back to you, as it always should have. I was just a go-between, after all,” Jake finished as Bradley pulled out his gift and placed it in the palm of his hand.
“I-I’m speechless. I never thought I’d have a memory of Dad to wear beyond his shirts. His dog tags are gone, and Mom wore his wedding ring around her neck until she died... I buried her with it on. You have no idea what an amazing thing you just did for me, Jake Seresin,” Bradley said, his words lifting a terrible weight of tension from Jake’s shoulders, and he leaned in close to his face to give him a feather-light kiss on the lips.
“So you like it? I was afraid it was too personal and about your family for me-”
A finger pressed against Jake’s mouth, stopping him from speaking any further.
“You’re my family, babe. You and Mav are all I have left, and I can’t thank you enough for that,” Bradley continued, as he slipped his new, meaningful watch onto his wrist and admired it under the lights of their living room.
Jake saw unshed tears swimming dangerously in his brown eyes, so he just stroked his cheek and didn’t say another word.
Bradley then cleared his throat and took his hand, pulling him up from the couch and leading Jake toward the upright piano in the living room.
“It’s time for me to give you my gift now. Come on.”
Jake settled himself next to him on the leather bench in front of the piano, while Bradley opened a sheet of music that was sitting there and began to play the piece written there.
It wasn’t a tune he’d ever heard before and he didn’t know what it was—he’d never really been interested in that kind of music until after they moved in together, but he knew Bradley’s favorite musicians by now.
He loved playing classic rock, with a particular fondness for Billy Joel and Elton John, but he also dabbled in classical music every now and then. Mozart, Chopin, Debussy, sometimes Rossini... but Jake had never heard that sweet and moving melody before that moment.
From the way Bradley was playing it, with incredible concentration and an execution without hesitation, Jake understood that it must have been a piece that he really cared about and that he had rehearsed until exhaustion.
Every single note played released a deep love without equal, and, at that point, a suspicion struck Jake.
Namely that that incredible composition had been written by Bradley only and exclusively for him as a Christmas present, and that simple thought was able to make him so happy that he could have landed on the moon flying directly from San Diego.
After a few more minutes of sublime music, Bradley lifted his fingers from the keyboard of his piano finishing the melody, and simply picked up the sheet music - Jake realized that it was handwritten.
“Please turn to the last page,” Bradley pleaded, a hint of emotion palpable in his tone, and Jake had no choice but to do as he asked.
On that plain white sheet of paper were words written in Bradley’s small handwriting, Jake would have recognized it even in the dark.
This melody was written for you. I hope it makes you understand how you make me feel.
Merry Christmas, my love
B.
Jake carefully put down the sheet music – it had just become one of the most important things to him ever – and then hugged Bradley so tightly that he felt their hearts beating in unison in their huddled chests.
He was a man who always had a joke ready, nothing and no one had ever managed to take words away from him like that... but Bradley Bradshaw was the exception to his rule.
Jake simply held him as if he could dissolve in his arms like smoke and whispered in his ear the most heartfelt Thank you in the entire human history.
That first Christmas had turned out to be as exciting and full of love as he had always dreamed it could be for himself and, above all, for Bradley.
They had finally given themselves the most important gift ever, Jake thought: the ability to love each other without reservations, without fear.
And that was priceless.
After exchanging gifts, Jake and Bradley sat on the couch for a marathon of their favorite Christmas movies – Nightmare Before Christmas for Bradley, Die Hard for Jake, Home Alone for both of them - wrapped in the total awareness that in the years to come they would be able to build so many more memories to be grateful for and that would make their shared existences special.
It had been so nice to create new traditions and new love that Christmas shared only between the two of them... further strengthening that feeling that had always existed between them, but that they had not had the courage to face until they almost lost each other forever.
Jake hugged Bradley even tighter and silently thanked God for the umpteenth time for being able to save him that day in the sky.