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Izzy didn’t ask a lot of his sorry excuse for a co-captain. He’d made it clear his orders should come from Bonnet. The plan was to drop Edward off so he could retire at his midlife crisis shack – sorry, “renovated pirate hotel” – that he’d purchased for a song. Thus far, Bonnet had actually managed to keep Edward at bay with a significant amount of assistance from the crew. They were subtle, but Izzy was good at his job. He heard the whispers and saw the way Jim watched Edward when they were all on deck together, ready to intervene.
Not that Edward would dare speak to Izzy. After his half assed public apology, the closest he’d come to making amends had been to come to Izzy’s cabin each night, politely knocking rather than barging in as he’d done for years. That tiny gesture of deference didn’t make up for what he’d taken. Izzy would never let Edward in, of course. His cabin was his one sanctuary, the only place he was comfortable enough to tend to his leg in peace. He wouldn’t have it invaded by the star of his nightmares.
Until, on the rough sea day before Edward’s departure, it all became too much. Izzy was better at walking on his unicorn leg lately, despite the difficulty of anticipating where to put his leg as the deck tilted. The soreness afterwards couldn’t be avoided no matter how much he tried. Right after dinner, he limped back to his cabin, longing for his supplies so he could bandage himself up and sleep.
He had barely removed his leg when, right on schedule, Izzy heard two knocks. They were short and cautious, as they had been every night. It seemed Izzy’s desire to be left alone couldn’t overcome Edward’s desire for absolution. Or was it Blackbeard? Izzy really couldn’t be sure anymore. Regardless, this shit ended tonight.
Groaning, he used his forearms to push himself into a standing position, leaning on the bedpost. He managed to grab his crutch and stagger forward, wincing at the pain in his residual limb. He undid the locks and yanked open the door.
Edward stumbled backwards. “He - hey, there, Iz. Saw you left dinner a bit early, thought I’d –”
“Save it,” Izzy snarled, propping his body into the doorframe to relieve some of the pressure on his hip. “You do this every bloody night. How long is it going to take to get it through your thick skull that I’m not interested in hearing what you’ve got to say?”
“Iz, I know I’m the last person you want to see. I’ve stayed away, even though it kills me.” Edward took a breath, tentatively stepping towards Izzy. “We make port tomorrow, then I’m gone. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye properly.”
Izzy scoffed, “Oh, what, you want a goodbye kiss? Save it, and the stupid apology I know is coming.”
He turned on his heel, needing to be seated as the pain in his hip grew. He didn’t even care if Edward followed. He could witness what he’d done to Izzy’s body up close.
As he lowered himself onto the bed, unable to hide his sigh of relief, Edward cautiously entered the cabin, shutting the door and leaning against it. “Iz, I – I can’t give you your leg back, mate. As much as I want to. Even talked to Buttons about a spell but he was bloody useless. I could try and get you a better wooden one –”
“You think this is about my leg ?” Izzy couldn’t help but laugh at how far off Edward was. “I can live without a leg. If a shark really made a meal of it, I’d be just dandy. Occupational hazard of piracy and all that.”
A stab of pain hit Izzy in a wave. Gritting his teeth, he unwrapped his residual limb and continued. “No, Edward, what I can’t live with is the fucking night terrors, the jumping every time there’s a bloody shadow in the hall. I used to know every corner of this ship by heart.”
I used to know you by heart. “Now, I see Blackbeard waiting to ambush me everywhere I turn.”
“Mate,” Edward started, his brown eyes resembling that of a particularly pitiful dog.
Izzy didn’t let him finish. “You were my captain . I pledged my service, my life, to you. I did everything you asked. You took and took and took. I didn’t complain. You fucking knew why , and you never said a word.”
He reached under the bed and pulled out the lotion Lucius had picked up for him the last time they were in port. It had eucalyptus in it, which did wonders for the stinging pain caused by walking on his unicorn leg all day.
Massaging it in, he looked up to see that Edward had turned away. Izzy was done with his captain avoiding the truth of what he’d done.
“Edward, you don’t get to look away. You knocked, I answered. For once, just look at me .” Izzy gestured to his residual limb. “You did this, Blackbeard or not.”
“You also did this.” Izzy angrily pointed at his head. “That was all on you, Edward Teach. I loved you, fucked up as it was. You knew that, and you used me. It took losing my leg for me to see us for what we were, not what I wanted it to be. But you still don’t see me . The fact that you want to replace my leg – do you even care that the crew gave it to me? That they made it themselves?”
Finishing with the lotion, he took the soft sheepskin sack Roach had made for sleeping and put it over the newly massaged limb. “This, Edward? This is love. Not empty promises. I don’t want a new leg from you. I want my dreams to stop being nightmares. I want to stop the tightness in my chest every time I hear your footsteps. And, most of all, I want you out of my bloody cabin. This is my space, not yours. Got it?”
Izzy sat back, satisfied, as Edward put his head in his hands. Now that the physical pain had subsided, his emotions were settling as well. Maybe it was good that Edward had shown up. Now, when he ran away to his little hotel, Izzy wouldn’t leave anything unsaid. Besides, confronting Edward was a bit like confronting a boogeyman. Every second that passed, he became less scary and more pitiful.
“Israel… I’m a coward. Always have been, since we first met.” Edward swept his hair out of his face with one hand yet still couldn’t meet Izzy’s gaze.
“Haven’t called me that in a while,” Izzy murmured, trying to ignore the small butterflies in his stomach that had accumulated as soon as Edward had used his given name. God, he hated that it was that easy.
“Yeah, well… it’s your name.” Edward laughed mirthlessly. “And you always liked it better than Izzy.” He slowly moved towards a stool in the corner furthest from Izzy, sitting so they were eye to eye.
They both sat in silence. Having said his piece, Izzy had the patience to wait.
“It’s not true that I didn’t see you, Iz,” Edward practically whispered. “I saw you everywhere. You were always exactly where I needed you. Guess that’s why after a while I just… took it for granted you’d be there. I shouldn’t have, but I did. And worse, I was a bloody weakling.”
Edward finally looked up, tears pooling in his eyes. “I loved you… love you, if I’m honest. I didn’t want to ruin what we had by saying it. I thought we could just go on living with it.”
Izzy snorted, trying and failing to fully tamp down the thrill he felt at Edward finally using that word. “Funny way of showing it, running off with Bonnet the minute he showed up.”
“What I had with Stede was infatuation, for the both of us. He wanted a pirate; I wanted someone who saw that I wasn’t really Blackbeard.” Edward leaned forward. “I should have known that I had that all along with you, Iz. We built Blackbeard together, but you always knew who Edward Teach was deep down.”
Edward reached out, moving his hand toward Izzy’s residual limb while scooting the stool forward. Tenderly, he placed his hand on Izzy’s thigh, pausing as if he expected Izzy to push him away. Izzy offered no resistance, barely able to breathe. For the first time in weeks, he didn’t panic at the thought of Edward’s touch.
“I know I shattered what we had, Israel,” Edward choked out. “I’m not fool enough to ask you to help me pick up the pieces. I see how happy you are now with the crew. You deserve that. I need to be on my own for a bit, see who Ed is without Blackbeard, eh?”
He wiped away a tear. “What I need to know is… will you let me prove I can be a better man? Not now, but… someday in the future? No commitments, just a chance.” He patted Izzy’s limb tenderly. “I can’t fix this. But maybe I can fix this.” He pointed at his own head, mimicking Izzy’s gesture.
A chance. Well. Izzy couldn’t help smirking even as his heart lightened. “Edward Teach, I’ve given you a million chances.”
Edward hung his head, moving to stand. “I’m sorry I asked, I’ll just…”
“... so what’s one more, eh?” Izzy smiled as Edward’s jaw hit the floor. “Mind you, against my better judgment. Never could resist those eyes.”
Izzy stood, using his crutch to cross the room and open the door.
Edward followed Izzy’s lead, pausing as he reached the door frame. His eyes shone with tears, but now there was a smile too. “Night, Israel. And thank you.”
Izzy darted forward before he could stop himself, eyes closing as he kissed Edward deeply. The other man groaned in apparent shock.
They parted, breathless. “Just a little something to keep you on the right track. Night, Edward,” Izzy winked, closing the door before Edward could respond. God, it felt good to surprise Edward for once. He could only hope his captain would do the same for him soon.