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A breeze in the air kept them cool as they sat on the balcony of the girls’ room in Paris, a cup in each of their hands. Charlie’s eyes were fixed on the skyline, taking in the once-in-a-lifetime view of the city of love. He felt warm, a combination of the slight buzz of alcohol thrumming through his veins, and Nick’s body heat pressed up against his side. If Charlie were a bit braver, he would move his head a few inches and rest it on Nick’s shoulder.
The silence was broken by Nick’s smooth voice. “Today was lovely. I’m not ready to leave.”
Charlie turned to look at his best friend, his cool blue eyes meeting Nick’s warm brown ones. “It was a good day. Thank you for showing me around the city. I don’t know that I would have had this much fun with anyone else.”
Nick’s eyes softened at his words, something like fondness melting the chocolate in them, causing Charlie’s stomach to flip. “Of course, Char. Thank you for being there with me yesterday with my dad and stuff. I know that was really awkward, but I didn’t want to go alone.”
Charlie shook his head in protest. “You don’t need to thank me for that. You’re my best friend. I wanted to be there for you.” He swore he saw a flicker of disappointment cross Nick’s eyes before he corrected himself and took a sip of his drink. Charlie pushed through his confusion at Nick’s expression and continued talking. “Since we’re exchanging appreciation, thanks for catching me at the Louvre yesterday. And for being so easy to talk to after. I know I didn’t really make any sense with the whole eating thing, but I appreciate you acting like I’m not crazy and being there for me.” He distracted himself by fiddling with his cup as he spoke, not wanting to look directly into his favorite set of eyes as he rehashed one of his more vulnerable moments.
Nick furrowed his brows at Charlie’s mention of being crazy, but respectfully waited for him to complete his thoughts before speaking. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Charlie. You just- you mean a lot to me, and I just want you to be okay. I really care about you.” Charlie felt as though he could melt away from the intensity of Nick’s gaze, his imploring eyes holding Charlie’s captive until the end of his sentence, when Charlie watched them flicker down to his lips. Nick’s attention on his mouth caused Charlie to bite down anxiously on his lower lip as he took in his best friend’s words.
“Nick, you don’t have to pretend I’m, like, normal. I know that I’m strange and my issues make no sense. I just-” Charlie cut himself off to look back out at the city skyline, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Most of the time, I can’t even believe that you want to be around me. You’re so kind and cool, and you could spend your time with anyone, but for some reason you’ve attached yourself to some gay nerd,” Charlie nearly spit out the final words, his voice full of derision as the taunts and slurs and leers of the previous year echoed in his brain.
“Char,” Nick began, his soft voice breaking through the ringing in Charlie’s brain. He turned his head to meet Nick’s eyes again. “You’re my favorite person. There’s no way you don’t know that. And even if you are a gay nerd,” Nick was interrupted by Charlie letting out a watery chuckle. “You’re my gay nerd.” Nick finished.
Charlie’s breath caught in his throat. He knew it couldn’t possibly mean what he desperately wanted it to mean, but hearing the words still sent a shock through his veins, causing him to shiver in the night air.
“Are you cold?” Nick asked, already moving to take off his sweatshirt. Charlie’s face went red with embarrassment, already wearing his usual two layers. Without waiting for a response from Charlie, Nick pulled his jumper over his head, handing it off to the younger boy. Charlie set down his cup and took it without hesitation, putting it on and shaking out his curls once the sweatshirt was settled. When he finally returned his gaze to Nick, he was met with a gentle smile and soft blush on his pale cheeks. His eyes were warm, gazing upon Charlie with an expression that he couldn’t quite discern. “What?” Charlie asked before he could overthink it too much.
“You just look so cuddly in my jumper,” Nick stated plainly, as though Charlie should have already known what he was thinking. As though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Charlie felt that his cheeks were rosy, warm from the attention being bestowed upon him by his best friend. There was a look on Nick’s face that caused the butterflies in Charlie’s stomach to come alive again. That had been happening a lot recently. A glance or a touch now and again awoke the conservatory of monarchs and lacewings in his abdomen. It wasn’t quite enough that anyone else would notice, but Charlie did. In fact, it felt like all he could think about lately. Below his everyday thoughts thrummed a steady current of Nick’s name.
“You’ve said that to me before.” The words escaped Charlie’s mouth unbidden. He forced his eyes to remain on Nick, searching for what he was almost sure was there, but not quite positive.
Nick took a slow, shaky sip from his cup before setting it down next to Charlie’s and meeting his gaze. “I know. I remember. After the first time I came round your house. You fell asleep on the couch and I-” Nick swallowed thickly, his throat bobbing nervously. “That was when I started to understand how I was feeling. You were snuggled up in a blanket, and the streetlight was shining on your face through the window, and I realized that I had never seen someone so beautiful before.”
Charlie took in a sharp breath. Though he had wondered whether Nick might be feeling the same way as him, nothing could have prepared him for the words pouring from the older boy’s mouth at the moment. “Nick, I-”
Nick turned to face Charlie more, leaning his left shoulder against the outside wall of their hotel. He cut Charlie off to speak, “Charlie, I need you to let me get this out, or I may never work up the courage to say it again.” His eyes were pleading, so Charlie nodded in response, encouraging Nick to continue.
“I wanted to hold your hand. It was right there, open and ready for me, but I was just so confused. And then at Harry’s party the next weekend, all I wanted to do was spend time with you, but Harry and his idiot mates kept pulling me away and interrupting. I really thought you had caught on then. It seemed like you were going to maybe ask me if I liked you, but then Harry called and I went running.” Nick was rambling, absentmindedly picking at his finger as he spoke, reddening the skin around his nail. “I was just so scared, Charlie. I wasn’t ready.” His voice was thick with unshed tears as he fought to keep his emotions at bay.
Charlie found himself reaching out to cover Nick’s hand, forcing him to stop his repetitive motion. He took in a sharp breath when Nick turned his hand over, connecting their palms. It was one of the most purposeful touches they had shared, and it was the missing piece Charlie needed to slot into place to bring him to trust himself and his intuition.
Charlie closed his fingers around Nick’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “Are you ready now?” His words came out quietly, a near whisper. But it was as though nothing existed around them anymore. The noise of their classmates chattering and the music blasting from the open window beside them had disappeared. The traffic and ambient sounds of the city were white noise. And Charlie knew that Nick had heard him when he received a small nod in response.
With all the courage left in his body, and the confidence that Nick’s answer would be favorable, Charlie spoke again. “Can I kiss you?”
But he didn’t receive a verbal response. Instead, Charlie got the feeling of Nick’s free hand cupping the side of his face gently, cradling his cheek like it was the most precious thing he had ever held. He got the warm ghost of a breath against his lips as Nick leaned in closely, their noses grazing against each other. He got the smell of vodka and citrus. And finally, he got the featherlight touch of Nick’s mouth meeting his.
It was a soft touch at first, a brush of lips as they tested the waters. But when their lips separated, there was hardly time for either of them to take a full breath before they were meeting again, more eagerly this time. They kissed with the longing of months of stolen glances and small touches. The butterfly house that resided in Charlie’s stomach was gone, transformed into a full aviary as birds took flight, soaring and swooping in his chest as his mouth met Nick’s again and again. The thrumming of Nick’s name was overwhelming, echoing in his brain until he had no choice but to let it escape his lips in a sigh.
“Nick,” Charlie breathed into his partner’s mouth. Without even realizing it, his free hand had snaked its way to the back of the older boy’s head, gently massaging the short hairs at the nape of his neck with his fingers as they kissed. Nick paused their kiss to smile against Charlie’s lips in response to his name.
“Char,” Nick echoed at the same volume, unwilling to break the magic of the moment they had created for themselves on this tiny balcony.
“I have wanted to do that since that day in the snow.” Charlie pulled back a bit to rest their foreheads together. “I always thought that maybe you felt the same way about me. I almost asked so many times, but either we would get interrupted or the voices in my head would tell me there was no way you could like me.”
Nick’s smile dimmed a bit at Charlie’s words, but he leaned forward to rub their noses together softly, placing a fleeting kiss to his lips. “Do you need to hear me say it?” he asked.
“I mean.” Charlie pulled away to finally look Nick in the eyes again, his confidence practically radiating from his whole being. “I’m not gonna say no.”
Nick shook his head, a fond smile on his face. “You cheeky shit.” He chuckled, before quickly getting serious and looking so deeply into Charlie’s eyes, he was sure Nick could see all of his demons and all of his dreams.
“Charlie Spring. Char,” Nick began, moving his hand from Charlie’s face to the hair on the side of his head, right above his ear. “I’m so unbelievably gone for you.”
Charlie felt like the wind had been knocked out of him and he gaped at Nick, open-mouthed for a moment. “You- like me?”
Deep down, Charlie knew the words that were leaving Nick’s mouth were candid, but the tiny voice of doubt wouldn’t leave him alone. Not until Nick giggled in response, “Isn’t it obvious?” He massaged Charlie’s scalp, tousling his curls. “Do you like me?”
Charlie had to hold back a snort at Nick’s question. “Obviously.” The smile he was met with from Nick confirmed his theory that his best friend was sunshine personified. The look on his face emitted an intense warmth, temporarily thawing the icy panic that usually gripped Charlie’s core. Any trace of a chill in his body was gone for the moment, chased off by the light that was Nick Nelson.
“Are we going to keep escaping parties to hang out with each other?” Charlie questioned, basking in the glow of their closeness, their heads still leaned close to each other. They spoke in low tones, words meant only for the two of them.
Nick answered immediately. “I hope so.” His chocolate eyes searched Charlie’s face, his affection for the younger boy clear in his gaze. His next words came in a whisper, “No running away this time, though.”
Charlie shook his head, leaning in to press their foreheads together again. “No. Please don’t.” He punctuated his sentence by bringing their lips together again, using his leverage on the back of Nick’s neck to press them harder against each other.
In that moment, Charlie was quite sure the world could end around the two of them, and they would be perfectly content, wrapped up in each other on the balcony of their friends’ room in the middle of the city of love. And when he told and retold the story to their children and grandchildren in the many years that followed together, the details remained the same. Because it would be impossible to forget the first night of the rest of his life.