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He should have been spending the new year with the love of his life but here he is spending it at a bar surrounded by so many couples, excitement buzzing around for the new possibilities the new year can bring.
Possibilities that could have been in his future if only he would allow himself to have them but he believes he doesn’t deserve.
Looking around he spots an older couple, seeing them shows the future he wanted, growing old with Evan but he has no one to blame but himself.
He knew the moment he met Evan that he was the one, something that scared him, he had accepted he would be lonely for the rest of his life but then he met Evan.
The couple spot him, they stand up heading towards him.
“Looks like you can use the company, no one should be alone on New Year’s Eve, I’m Tyler and this is my husband Evan.”
Evan, Tommy can’t help the tears forming, what are the odds.
“Tell us about him.”
Tommy lets out a shaky breath, what the hell, he has no one, might as well tell this lovely couple on how he met the man who was his one true love.
“Funny thing, his name is Evan too.”
Tyler & Evan just glance at each other with soft smiles, turn to look at Tommy and give him the softest smiles.
The way they are looking at each other reminds him the way Evan would look at him like he hung the moon, while Evan always made him breathless.
“I met him for the first time when we were on our way to rescue his captain & his captain's wife from a cruise ship. We are both firefighters, well I’m also a pilot.”
“That was you? We heard about it, you all risked your lives & jobs for it. You all are heroes.” Evan says while patting his hand.
Tommy just lets out a soft thank you even if he knows he feels like no hero.
“The moment I shook his hand I knew I was ruined. Evan is the most beautiful person I have ever met, he’s so selfless, the smartest , literal sunshine, sees the best in every person, will love you like no other, will make you want to be a better person.”
“He sounds like a really beautiful soul, where is he, if it’s not too much to ask.” Tyler asks him but he knows that they know he’s not with Evan.
“I did what I always do, I hurt myself in the process so he can be happy, he deserves the world, someone who could make him the happiest, love him like no other because Evan deserves someone who will give him the world.”
“And that person couldn’t be you? The way you describe him, we can see that you love him.” Evan says.
“Of course I love him, how could I not? He doesn’t deserve a sad excuse of a man like me. I’ve done things I’m not proud of in the past, I hurt people in order to protect myself.”
“Are you still that same man? Have you apologized? Sometimes we as humans will do things we will regret but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be punished over it, if you’ve changed then that means you are a better person.”
“No, I’m not him anymore, but I hurt people I cared about, that will always stay with me no matter if they forgave me. They say I should move past it but it will always hurt knowing I hurt them.”
“Did your Evan know about what you did?”
“Yes, they were his family, I hurt his loved ones, even after he heard everything he still looked at me the same way, he never stopped to judge me or hate me for what I did, that’s just who Evan is. He loves you and sees the best in yourself.”
Tyler says “See he loves you, the way you talk about Evan, we know that a man like that could not love a horrible man. Tommy you are a good person, you just need to accept you deserve his love. We just met you but we know you are worthy of love. Give yourself the chance.”
He can’t help but let the tears flow, there’s no stopping them anymore.
How could these strangers believe he is worthy of a love like theirs.
He needs to know how they were able to make it, how they can still look at each other, like they are the only ones in the world.
Tommy can see they mean the world to each other, their love is everywhere he looks at them. Their eyes, their body language, their smiles.
A love like theirs is possible but how?
How did you make it work?
“It wasn’t easy, but we fought so hard for our love, even when we thought there wouldn’t be a way. Like every couple, we had our ups & downs, no relationship is perfect. As long as we had each other & were willing to fight, it was all we needed.” Tyler states.
“You don’t find this kind of love, you make it.” Evan reaches out to grab Tyler’s hand.
He’s talking to Tommy but he’s staring at Tyler when he utters those words.
Tommy feels like this is the cruelest joke ever, how could this couple be saying the same phrase Evan told him has stuck with him forever after meeting Thomas.
“Say that one more time please.”
“A saying I would always say, you don’t find it, you make it.”
“I— I need to go, thank you, thank you so much. I need to go!”
They just look at each other, knowing that Tommy is going after the one he let go.
***********
Tommy runs out of the bar with one thing on his mind, Evan.
He needs to tell him, he’s the one, has been from the moment Chimney introduced him.
How could he be so dumb to let him go,
How could he think he could live a life without ever seeing the brightest smile & eyes he had ever seen staring back at him.
Evan may have never wanted to explore his options, it was always in Evan’s eyes, he loved Tommy, he was always worthy of Evan’s love, he just didn’t believe he deserved it due to his past.
Tommy feels the tears streaming down his face, how could Evan love a broken man like him?
He knows that Evan is on shift so he decides he needs to get to him at this very moment. He doesn’t even bother to get an Uber. It’s a few blocks away, he will run to him.
Tommy just runs, bumps into happy, drunk people, apologizes but he won’t let anyone or anything stop him from getting to the love of his life.
He will beg on his knees if he has to but he needs Evan, he just hopes it’s not too late. He will make Evan the happiest man on this earth if he’s given the chance, Evan deserves all the love in the world.
*********
Before you know it, Tommy arrives at the 118.
Here goes nothing, what’s the worst that can happen?
Well, Evan may not want to see him but he will respect it, if it goes that way.
He’s willing to walk away if he needs to, he won’t fault him for it, he loves him.
This is Evan, so he has a little bit of hope.
*******
“Where is he?”
Hen & Chimney turn to him, they have worried looks, he knows he looks crazy. He must look so red, a few days worth of stubble, hair all over the place but he doesn’t care, he needs to see Evan.
“Um, Tommy, maybe you should let me check you out, take a seat please.” Hen gets closer.
“Hen, I promise I’m as good as I can be right now, I know I look crazy but I just want to see him please. Where is he? Where’s Evan?”
He's trying to be strong but the facade is about to fall, he just wants to see his Evan, maybe even hold him if he allows it.
He needs to lay eyes on those pretty eyes of his, he needs to hear his voice, the voicemails he saved haven’t been enough, it’s been months since he last heard or laid eyes on him.
“Please Chimney, tell me where he is? I’m begging you, I need to see him, I promise not to hurt him, I just need to really see him.”
“Tommy please, let’s take a seat and we will get him but you need to calm down a bit, can we do that? I promise we will take you to him after.”
Hen & Chimney had never seen Tommy like this, the desperation & heartbreak, while he pushed them away, he was suffering all alone and the guilt was there. Tommy was as much as their friend as Buck is.
They’re trying to be cautious, they’re about to get close when they hear. “Tommy?”
They look up, Buck is frozen but the moment he lays his eyes of the state Tommy is, he doesn’t hesitate, races down the stairs, stops at the bottom, looks at Tommy, putting the ball in his court.
Tommy is shaking, he feels like he’s about to run for it, he can’t stop staring at Evan, he still looks so beautiful like the first day he met him.
He will not run again, he will only move towards his future, who is Evan, all he needs to do is move his feet.
He hesitates but takes the first step, he’s shaking, he never takes his eyes off Evan, no one matters in this moment but him.
Evan is in the same spot, he hasn’t moved or taken his eyes off Tommy, is this really happening right now?
Is his Tommy actually walking towards him?
It hurts him to see him in this state, he always saw Tommy as this charming, confident, beautiful man but at this moment the Tommy that is walking to him is a shell of himself.
Buck thought Tommy had forgotten about him, probably moved on but he never did, he can see that now even if he was the one who called it off. Tommy walked away and broke both of their hearts.
How could he think, he wasn’t suffering too. He had the love of the 118 and his sister & niece but who did Tommy have, he had no one. He was all alone.
After what felt like forever, Tommy made it to Evan.
“Evan.” Tommy whispers, reaching to him but stops himself.
Buck can’t stop the tears, Tommy is finally saying his name, something he thought he would never hear again.
It’s just them two, he knows his family is watching them, he can hear the others counting down.
“5!”
“4!”
“3!”
“2!”
“1!!!”
“ Happy new year!”
Buck doesn’t hesitate, he lunges at Tommy, he needs to feel him, the moment he touches Tommy, he lets out a gut wrenching sob.
They’re just hugging each other, sobs taking over.
Tommy’s is just whispering apologies, holding him so tight.
They both have their eyes closed, Buck opens his but Tommy can’t, he wants to keep them closed.
What if this is a dream? What if he’s not actually holding Evan?
If he keeps them shut, he doesn’t risk waking up.
If this is a dream, he wants to stay here forever.
He doesn’t want to wake up and be all alone.
He feels Evan shift a bit, he brings his hands to Tommy’s face, “Tommy open your eyes.”
Tommy shakes his head.
“No, the moment I do, I will wake up from this dream. Evan, I don't want to be alone anymore.” He whispers.
“This isn’t a dream love, I’m right here with you. Open your eyes, please Tommy let me see you. I promise you want be alone anymore, just open your eyes.”
“I’m right here. Here, feel my heartbeat.” Evan brings his hand to his heart, he feel the beating.
Tommy opens his eyes, those pretty blue eyes are staring back at him.
Oh, how he had endless dreams of these eyes staring at him again.
Showing him that pretty smile Evan says “So are you going to kiss me? You were always going to be my midnight kiss.”
“Evan, I really want to but we need to talk.”
“We will but I need you to kiss me Tommy. We have all the time in the world, I’m not letting you go again.”
Tommy has never stood a chance at denying Evan anything he had ever wanted.
Tommy hesitates but goes in to give Evan the sweetest kiss ever, even if they can taste the salty tears.
“Happy new year Evan, you will always be my midnight kiss if you let me.”
Evan just stares at him and lets out that laugh he loved so much.
They both can’t stop crying and giggling, they know they will talk but they will bask in this moment.
The team is just staring at them, they know they have a long journey ahead of them but they will be ok. Those two are meant to be, they all saw it from the start even if they lost their way for a second.
Hen & Chimney have tears in their eyes staring at Buck & Tommy, they both know the feeling of fighting for the love they have.
They had so much to talk about, he would do anything in order to prove to Evan that he was in it, he was always in it but he got scared.
He made a vow at that moment, he would spend the rest of his life showing him that he was worthy of his love.
*********
Tommy Kinard kept his word, not a day went by where he didn’t show Evan he was worthy of that second chance.
A year later Tommy would propose.
6 months after that they would say “I do.” Surrounded by their loved ones, no dry eyes in sight.
A year after their wedding they would decide they would expand their family.
9 months later they would welcome their twins, Daniel & Sophie.
Years later……..
It’s about to be the new year, Tommy can’t help and get emotional staring at the family he & Evan made.
That’s all theirs.
He feels him next to him, the love of his life continues to make him lose his breath, even after all these years together.
Evan brings his hand to wipe Tommy’s tears, caresses his cheek and says “ We made our dream into reality.”
“I told you, ypu would always be my midnight kiss if you gave me the chance.” He says before kissing him.
Their children could still see the love they had for each other all these years, their dad could still make their papa giggle.
*********
If you were to ask Buck, he would say, “Tommy was always worthy, he just didn’t know it.”
Their love was like Mitchell said “You don’t find it, you make it.”
Their love story would be told for generations to come, from their children, to their grandchildren.
The End