Archive of Our Own

When the coffin-elevator lands with a sickening crash at the bottom of the shaft, Guillermo needs a second or two to calm his wildly beating heart before even noticing where they are; but as soon as he looks around, he cannot believe his eyes. The coffin has landed in the middle of a huge cavern with ridiculously high ceilings, full of all sorts of gadgets with blinking, coloured lights and (somewhat dated) monitors.

– Come on Guillermo! –

Nandor has jumped out and ahead, and is pointing at all the ridiculous stuff, spouting off even more ridiculous names and explanations. His childlike excitement is contagious, and Guillermo cannot hide a huge, bewildered smile as he follows him around the room.

– This is crazy Nandor! When did you even have time to do all this? –

Nandor promptly ignores him, instead moving on to the jewel of his project, the huge “compuder” sitting in a corner, blinking and humming low. Every demonstration makes Guillermo’s eyes widen more with surprise, though it is all sort of ripped off from Batman comics and films. It doesn’t make its realization any less impressive, and Guillermo says so.

– This is really impressive! Did you do all this by yourself? How? –

Nandor puffs up, looking immensely proud of himself. – Yes, I have done it all myself. Well, mostly, anyway. – Guillermo does not ask, assuming he doesn’t want to know the weird behind-the-scenes and whatever questionable deeds Nandor committed to accomplish all of this without his help. For once, he just walks around and admires the result.

– Sooo… ? –

Guillermo turns around to face Nandor, who looks like he is waiting for an answer from him. Except Guillermo does not know which question he wants an answer to.

– So what? –

– Will you reconsider fighting crime with me as an equal partner? –

Guillermo smiles at him softly but sadly. He takes a moment to appreciate how much better he has become at saying no to that beautiful, childish, maddening face.

– I’m sorry Nandor. We can still be friends, didn’t I say that? –

Nandor looks confused. – Is this about the costume? Because we can change your costume. I can make a better costume for you. Will a new costume change your mind? –  

Guillermo just shakes his head. Nandor looks sad now.

– Is there anything I can do to convince you to be my equal crime-fighting partner? –

Guillermo bites his lip, but then the words slip out anyway. – There is something, but… You know what, never mind, – he catches himself, feeling stupid and needy and a little bit sad, in the small secret way he allows himself to feel when in public.

This time, Nandor does not keep insisting. He looks at Guillermo with kindness, without the pout from a minute earlier, and suddenly Guillermo knows he’s finally going to say something meaningful and deep and probably break his heart all over again. He braces himself.

– I am not stupid, you know? – Nandor says. – I have noticed you and your, uh, feelings. Actually, I have noticed for quite some time now. But you must understand, Guillermo, that I cannot give you what you want. –

Guillermo feels very brave as he controls the sudden stinging in his eyes, and the tremor in his voice. – I understand. –

Nandor shakes his head, like a teacher correcting a pupil.

– See, I don’t think you do. I will explain. –

– No, really, I understand Nandor, you do not need… – Nandor ignores his protests and carries on.

– I am a vampire, Guillermo. –

Nandor seems to be waiting for him to agree, so Guillermo does, though he is starting to feel confused and a little annoyed. – Yes and? –

– And you have decided you do not want to be a vampire. –  

At this point Guillermo just stares at him, hoping Nandor will get to the point soon.

– See? – Nandor says, looking like he has just pointed out a universal truth. Not getting the reaction he was hoping for, he huffs and gives his ex-familiar one more hint. – Vampires live forever. Humans… –

– … do not – completes Guillermo. The cogs inside his head are finally moving in the right direction.

– Exactly. – Nandor looks relieved they are finally on the same page. – You are going to die one day very soon, and then I’ll have to go on being alive without you. It is already very difficult to say goodbye to you as a friend, Guillermo, but if I allowed us to be something more… I don’t think I could bear losing you. –

The weight of his words fully lands on Guillermo, and it takes him a couple of seconds to process it all. He has been so preoccupied with his side of this drama, denying that he was in love with Nandor to protect himself from the obvious rejection and simultaneously hoping his dream would come true eventually, alternating crying himself to sleep and daydreaming like a fourteen-year-old, that he has never considered Nandor’s point of view. Watching the people you care about get old and die must be really hard, but as a vampire Nandor surely has gone through it at least a few times over the centuries. The only thing that would make it really, truly unbearable, would be if…

– Do you… do you really love me that much? – Guillermo asks, needing to hear it, needing Nandor to say it out loud. Nandor, being Nandor, has already exposed his feelings more than he is comfortable with.

– Maybe – he offers, but the embarrassment on his face is saying “yes, of course I fucking do, you stupid human”. Guillermo feels a smile spreading on his own face that he has no control over whatsoever.

– Well maybe you can make me a vampire again one day, when I’ve like, lived most of my life and I’m old. That is, if you still want me when I’m old and wrinkly – he jokes.

– Don’t be ridiculous – Nandor huffs, but under his moustache he is smiling as well. Changing the subject, he looks around the cavern and gestures around them with a broad sweep of his hand. – Guillermo, I know this place is full of awesome stuff so it is kind of difficult, but have you noticed what isn’t down here? –

Guillermo thinks about it. – A car? –  he asks.

– No, though that’s an excellent idea Guillermo! I must remember to add a secret automobile to my secret lair. Maybe with a secret ramp that leads to a secret entrance. –

– Oh, ok. Uh, a coffee machine? – Guillermo tries again.

– Not that either, but you can add that yourself if you want. – Nandor has been taking measured steps in his direction, and Guillermo is trying his best to not take a step back like some cornered prey. It is making his blood rush in the wrong direction, and he is having difficulties thinking of things that aren’t there.

– Uhm… Lazlo and Nadja? –

– I am very grateful that they are not here, but I was not thinking about them. Come on Guillermo, what is always there around us, following us? –

And even though Nandor has now stepped so near him that he’s practically towering over him, forcing Guillermo to crank his neck back to look up and making him go a bit weak at the knees, Guillermo finally notices who isn’t there with them.

– Cameras – he whispers, and Nandor just nods. – Very good, Guillermo – he says.

Then he grabs Guillermo’s dark curls with one hand, bows his head down and kisses him.