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Another night meant another nightmare, where Astarion would shoot up from his bed, trying to catch his breath.
With his head in his hands, he could only think of a single reason for tonight's trigger.
It was the one thing that had always remained consistent about Astarion; never could he tolerate someone touching him, for almost any reason. Not unless his life was in immediate danger.
Even then, death seemed easier than letting someone perform medical procedures on him. The moment someone would put their hands on him, his first reaction was to brace himself, reminding himself to breathe. Constant reminders to himself that he was in control of the situation. These particular instances required more energy than they would for others in the group, who could easily sit still while someone stitched them up, just as everyone did earlier tonight.
Not for him, though.
Astarion laid back into his bed, his shoulder touching Tav, fast asleep beside him.
The two had been through more than enough today, and then some. The day brought them nothing but violence and battles, beyond their ability to keep up. For the first time since they all came together, the group had to make for a tactical retreat. Among all the ruckus, there weren't many options outside of running.
Even after making their escape, the two of them had been covered in bandages, scars, bruises, cuts. No part of Astarion nor Tav had been spared.
While Astarion never minded to help them however he could, he never understood how they could stay so still while he treated them. The thought of a needle threading through him the way he did for them, the idea of someone putting their hands on him in his most vulnerable state, he couldn't help but envy Tav.
A small warmth fluttered in his chest. Trust couldn't get him so far. But it did for Tav.
An all too warm arm draped over his pale chest, rustling one his carefully placed bandages over his ribcage. Tav fully turned towards him, reaching over him in a small, almost protective grasp. Tav curled against him, letting whatever small space left between them dissipate.
Astarion didn't move, at least not for a bit. He relished the feeling of being held, wondering if he should move them back to where they were, or if he should remain a touch selfish and keep them close. It was the first time in so long someone held him in such a way, one that was intentional and warm, gentle, and all the more sweet.
He fought with himself, eyes glazing over at the bare minimum of light along the ceiling above the two of them. The only sounds remaining being the slow, gentle beat of the heart beside him, and the quickening pattern of rain against the glass windows across from them.
A pained, muffled groan left the lips of Tav beside him, prompting Astarion's instant attention. He turned to check on them, as they did to him all day. Face to face, he touched their all too warm cheeks, surprised they could remain asleep with all the bruises and cuts along the entirety of their being. His fingertips lingered at the edge of their face, inspecting the cut that spanned down from their cheek to their neck.
Regret welled in him. He wished he told them to retreat earlier. Maybe they wouldn't have come out in such bad condition if he spoke up sooner.
Along the careful inspection of their face, their weary eyes opened so slightly, watching him with a faint smile growing across their lips.
“I'm okay.” Tav quietly reassured him.
“I-I know.” Astarion's voice shook ever so slightly, partly embarrassed. The back of their hand graced his cheek, giving rise to more of his shame. He didn't feel like he deserved their patience all day, their worry into the night, but especially not their attempts to comfort him. “I'm sorry.” His voice quivered before their hand cupped the side of his face.
Tav leaned forward, kissing his cheek in response, their lips lingering along his cool complexion. “Me too. I wish I protected you more.” Their arm settled and tightened around his waist, their chest pressing against his.
Astarion placed his arm under their head, using the other to pull their weary body closer to him. He wrapped his arm around their hips, reveling in the comfort of their warmth.
Tav was careful laying their head across his collarbone, making sure not to hit any of the bandages they placed on him earlier. They felt a long breath leave him, their eyes growing heavy once more.
So long as Tav stayed near him, Astarion would find rest once more.