Work Text:
“Hugh?”
“Yes, love?”
“Why are you wearing my plaid shirt?”
“Ah. Because my beautiful child threw up on me after sucking on markers, prior to getting said markers all over the rest of my shirts.”
“And pants, I can see.”
“Well, yes, your pants are just spectacularly too big. So I’m left with underwear, obviously. Go on, smirk that way.”
“What way?”
“That way. Hanne just calls it the Sex Face, but I think ‘Viking Sex God’ face is more accurate.”
“I didn’t know I had a face like that.”
“You do. And the ‘Your French is too Fast’ face. Sometimes it’s the same as your orgasm face, to be honest.”
“I want to go back to my Viking Sex God face. That seems more flattering.”
“That will have to wait. I have a small vomity child to bathe, and small vomity children don’t exactly stay still –”
[clattering and smashing sound]
“– Case in point.”
“I guess I’ll have to help you then.”
“Really?”
“Of course. I’ve done these sorts of things you know.”
“Well, yes.”
“Also I want to make sure my shirt doesn’t get vomit on it.”
“So much for paternal instincts.”
“I’m a viking. We throw our children out to sea and if they float, we keep them.”
“Well that explains a lot about you.”
“Shut up wee man.”