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“They’re… hm,” Tatsuya watched Jun attempt to swallow a bite of an overly iced sugar-cookie, glancing nervously between his face and the floor.
“They’re edible..?” Jun decided on, the end of his sentence lilting upwards at the end like even he didn’t trust Tatsuya’s ability not to kill him with what should be one of Katsuya’s most simple recipes.
Jun was sat at the table in their kitchen, staring down at the plate with a look of distrust. Tatsuya put his head in his hands and wondered how life had come to this.
The sugar cookie debacle had begun a month before Christmas, and it was all the result of Katsuya’s inability to understand that the majority of his friends and family were unable to make instant ramen. He’d presented it to the group like it would be something “fun” and “easier on everyone” but that wasn’t further from the truth.
They were handed a list of ingredients and sent away with little fanfare. Flour, baking soda, butter, sugar, eggs. Couldn’t be that difficult, but still a little annoying.
The store on the way home was missing baking soda, so they had to collect it the next day. Not even the first attempt and already a bump in the road.
“He’s getting lazy.” Tatsuya had said to Jun as soon as they returned to their shared apartment. “He’s getting lazy and old, and he’s trying to make us suffer with him.” Having said this, Tatsuya tried not to think of the lower back pain he was currently experiencing. He had no idea how Baofu was keeping up with everyone back when he was 32, but maybe the excessive alcohol consumption had something to do with it.
Jun chuckled, hanging up his scarf on the coat hanger (which was currently housing no coats, Tatsuya’s leather jacket thrown on the floor below it.) “I don’t think he knows how to be lazy, Tacchi.”
So maybe it wasn’t laziness. Maybe this was some sort of karmic justice from managing to escape fate one too many times. Justice served burnt and smothered in icing.
And so it had come to this.
Tatsuya tried to make sense of why the responsibility of the cookies fell to him. Jun works longer hours as a teacher, Jun has to put together lesson plans after work, Jun cooks them dinner, the list could go on.
Knowing why this was happening to him didn’t help much. Sure, it meant he stopped misdirecting his annoyance about the whole ordeal, but then it fell to the obvious person to blame, that being himself. Feeling mad at himself was probably the most teenage feeling in the world though, and in an attempt to be an actual adult person he tried relentlessly to create something that would impress the group just enough to 1. get out of this without too much food poisoning and 2. never have to do this again. It was a fine line to tread, and Tatsuya knew he was still about ten paces away from that line and walking further with each day.
On the first attempt, the cookies were completely inedible. Jun’s first bite had been unsuccessful entirely, resulting in him clutching his mouth in an attempt to stop the resulting jaw-ache.
“Not good?”
“You should’ve been a construction worker. These are like cement!” Jun turned to Tatsuya, exasperated as he slammed the rock-hard cookie down onto the plate and stood up to get a glass of water.
Tatsuya, attentive in his glances toward the floor, didn’t stop him from going back to their study.
The second time, Jun couldn’t pick it up. Grasping a handful of what seemed like the cremated remains of what should be a cookie, he just sighed quietly and carried the plate over to the trash can.
Tatsuya twiddled his thumbs, feeling probably more embarrassed than he should do, until Jun put his hands over his.
Looking up to meet his eyes, Tatsuya recognised the love that was lying under the amusement at his attempt at the cookies. Smiling, he kissed Jun. It would be fine, he just needed to focus.
“Sorry. Wasn’t trying to poison you, promise.”
Jun giggled.
At a certain point (meaning, by the third attempt), Tatsuya had to restock on ingredients. He and Jun decided it’d be nice to walk rather than drive to the nearest grocery store, and so they did.
Tatsuya was in his leather jacket and a scarf that Ulala had given him almost ten Christmases ago now — a bright red thing that most likely went out of fashion a couple of years after he received it, but Tatsuya was never one to care for that sort of thing. Jun was bundled up to the neck, not wanting to get cold in the December chill. Somehow, he was the only one shivering.
The goods were collected (“How do they not have baking soda again?” “Tacchi, it’s right over here!”) and as they made their way home, Tatsuya held Jun’s cold hand in his warm one.
After several unacceptable and possibly unforgivable attempts, at the 6th attempt Jun looked hopeful.
“These look good! I’ll try one now…” Jun said with a smile. Tatsuya’s eyes were glued to his face as he took a bite.
1…
2…
3…
No outward expressions of fear!
“This is… pretty good, Tacchi!” Jun mumbled around a mouthful of cookie. Relief flooded Tatsuya like the crashing of a thousand waves - very quickly, very dramatically.
“So you think they’ll be okay?” Tatsuya finally spoke, grimacing a little and waiting for what felt like the inevitable issue with this batch.
“Absolutely!” Jun beamed, covering the plate with cling wrap and transporting it to the top shelf of the refrigerator.
Tatsuya’s heart caught in his chest. This was never about the cookies entirely, it was always about seeing this side of Jun. Real, in his space, and always, always by his side. He tried not to think of the time he worried he might not be anymore, how much time he spent worrying he’d wake up one day and he’d be inexplicably gone, but it crept in sometimes.
Later that night, Jun cuddled especially close to him in bed. If this was the reward he’d get for perfecting an impossible recipe, maybe he really would try to cook more. “I don’t want this to ever change,” Jun began, mumbling into Tatsuya’s chest. “I want to feel this way with you forever.” Tatsuya smiled. Forever used to be the scariest word in the world, but with Jun it felt more like a glowing white light than the dark abyss it had always been before. “Me too.” Brushing Jun’s hair back away from his eyes, Tatsuya kissed him on the forehead and settled in for a finally restful sleep, free from food related nightmares.
And so, the day finally came. The Suou & Co christmas party (which was really less of a party and more so an excuse for everyone to get absolutely hammered, not that they needed one) had arrived, and Tatsuya and Jun were walking in with a plate of cookies that actually seemed pretty acceptable.
“Those look really good!” Maya smiled, putting her own dish, pre-packaged chips and corn snacks (some people get all the luck) down on the counter.
“Thanks, you wouldn’t believe the amount of time it took to get it right. Katsuya didn’t even give me a real recipe.” Tatsuya mumbled around a handful of seaweed chips.
“I’m sure you and Jun did a great job, don’t worry so much!” Maya turned around to talk to the rest of the group, and Tatsuya let Jun take some of the credit. He did do an excellent job of testing.
After everyone was settled, the food was finally a free for all. Ulala was slightly irritated that the chip bag was already open (“Maya got those because I like them! You’ve already eaten half the bag!” “You snooze you lose!”) but aside from that, it was going well.
Too well.
Horrifyingly, Katsuya’s eyes lit up.
“My goodness, Tatsuya, these are amazing!” Katsuya’s demeanor shifted into one Tatsuya had only really seen directed at cats, a good sign for the cookies, but…
“You two should make them every year!”
Jun giggled as Tatsuya hung his head, before turning to Jun.
“Your turn next year.” He smiled.