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The way Finn fights is terrifies Poe. Watching him move like his life doesn’t matter, throwing his entire body into every motion with so much force that he’s exhausted just watching. He’s never seen anyone do that, fight with no regard for their own life. He’d been taught to minimize risk, to defend, to evade. But even with a blaster and distance on his side, Finn is a terrifying force of nature. He’s fast, ruthless, almost like it’s not really him, not the man who smiles so easily and reaches out for comfort at the smallest discomfort.
In those moments he’s a soldier.
But when he’s out of danger. Whenever all of his comrades are safe he just falls apart. Goes back into his mind. Goes back to FN-2187 and codes and protocols. It’s like watching a robot go through the motions. Watching an imitation of humanity.
Poe tries to talk to him. Tries to bring him back. It takes a while,sometimes hours, but Poe always gets him back, pulls him from the brink. He gets him in his arms, pressing little kisses on his head. Tell him, softly, how much he means to him, how much he needs him back.
“We’re designed to be disposable. There’s ten just like me. Maybe more.” It makes everything in him go cold. He knows it's just part of the conditioning, a side effect from a lifetime of brainwashing, but Poe’s never been good at being helpless. When he starts talking like that he knows it’ll take even longer than usual.
But he’s worth every second.