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Elphaba and Galinda each had the same lack of warning that Saturday morning. Until the first knock on their door – or technically, until Elphaba had enough energy to get up and answer by the fourth knock – they had no idea Governor Thropp himself had come to visit Shiz for the day.
And only later on did they realize he’d already been on campus for a half-hour, before he bothered – or remembered – to come by and see his other daughter.
But by the time Nessa let that slip – and confessed her own inability to remind her father they should include Elphaba too, with only a modicum of sincere guilt showing – it was too late to show any honest emotion then.
By then, both Elphaba and Galinda were in their all too familiar element, whether they liked it or not.
For Galinda, putting on her most prim, proper and exceedingly polite persona in front of a powerful, influential adult was an effortless routine. She never let her smile drop in front of him, made sure to always address him as Governor, and assured him that “Miss Elphaba” – not Elphie – had been no trouble at all.
She didn’t even let a knowing snicker, a cast aside smirk, or any glance at Elphaba break her commitment to the lie. Really, without years of training and deference to important adults at social functions, it would have been quite impossible to pull off. If anything, this was the greatest triumph of social conditioning and etiquette in Oz history.
Galinda didn’t even let a self-congratulatory smile show at that thought – not within eyesight of the Governor, anyway. Another true miracle of proper teaching.
And yet when Galinda stopped congratulating herself as she led the Thropps through campus, she had more room to notice other things. Things that…perhaps pushed the limits of miracles.
Namely, finally noticing Elphaba’s all too familiar element in front of an influential adult. Or rather, just her father.
Namely, finally noticing how Elphaba was making herself look….so….
Small.
She’d been told her father had been here a half-hour earlier, spending all that time with Nessa, before only just remembering to see Elphaba too. She’d received nothing resembling an apology, from him or Nessa, before they left the dorm. Once they did, all Elphaba did was push Nessa’s chair, stay quiet as her father just kept talking to Nessa alone, and stay quiet unless directly asked – if ordered wasn’t the right word for it – to do something for Nessa.
As if they hadn’t already been together for a half-hour without her. As if she hadn’t been just fine without Elphaba being “asked” to help her. As if their father wasn’t fine pretending Elphaba wasn’t here too.
And yet if Elphaba was thinking any of that, it didn’t show. No irritation, no annoyance, no hints of defiance. Nothing but a placid, servile look on her face as she either “protected” Nessa from a campus she’d been navigating for months on her own, was barely acknowledged for that or anything else from her father, and seemed unaffected at how…irrelevant her presence was to everyone there.
Everyone who was “family” to her, anyway.
*************************************************************
Galinda had been made for years to see the value of silence, deference and people pleasing. Especially among visiting dignitaries, superiors and others who could be valuable connections someday. Governor Thropp was no exception – in theory.
He had done or said nothing worse than other far less dignified, far more openly rude men with far more important titles hadn’t done at Upland parties for years. And yet Galinda never let any of that affect her, inside or out. Just as she was expected to do.
But none of that prepared her for the…difficulty of this…excruciating little lunch.
None of that prepared her for enduring something like…what Elphaba was being made to endure now.
They weren’t openly insulting her. He wasn’t openly yelling or even raising her voice at her. Not in so many words. He was either so indifferent to her, or so quick with little ‘subtle’ reminders of how much more important Nessa’s well-being was to him. Of how much her own little ‘frivolities’ – as if being personally taught by the most powerful witch in Oz was frivolous – only mattered in so far as protecting Nessa’s good name.
It wasn’t as if Nessa was objecting to such reminders. Not with words or anything resembling a defense, or anything resembling pride, in her own sister.
And it wasn’t as if Galinda was saying anything either. But she’d been long trained to be polite, agreeable with adults like the Governor, and not do or say anything that challenged or offended him – or affect her own standing with people like him. That was her excuse.
It was…an excuse.
But what was her’s? What was his? What was Elphaba’s for being so…so…
So unlike her….
So unlike Elphie.
Every time Galinda ever made a passive aggressive comment, an aggressive aggressive comment, or any other attack at her, Elphaba never did…this. Never just sat there and took it. Never looked like she wasn’t already planning that very second on how to get Galinda back.
She never looked this resigned to it. No matter how much Galinda hoped – or talked herself into hoping – that maybe this time the right comment, dig or prank would finish her off and knock her down a peg. No matter how small Galinda hoped she’d finally made her, Elphaba just made herself big again anyway.
As if she knew nothing Galinda did could make her feel that small.
And yet none of that resilience – none of that annoying, pestering, why won’t she just stay down kind of resilience…
None of that…how was she so strong despite everything kind of resilience…was on her face, or any other part of her body language now.
Granted, this was her father. Granted, it’s not like Elphaba could just prank him, spar with him or show him up during a lecture. But still!
When Galinda actively tried to make her feel like she was nothing, it didn’t work! She never made her look this…acceptifyed that she was nothing! She always fought back against Galinda! So there’s no way she ever reduced her to something like this!
...right?
Galinda never wore Elphaba down like…the man who made her think her own mother’s death was her fault.
…right?
…and it’s not like Elphaba spent so long thinking that, she never stood up to slights like this…every single day of her life. Until she finally had the chance to fight back against stuff…or people…like that once she was far away from him…
…right?
No. It couldn’t be that bad. It couldn’t, he couldn’t, she couldn’t have…
…he just didn’t know what Elphaba was now without him, that’s all! Yes, that was it…
It’s not like he let him actually talk about herself. About what she’d actually been doing without a sister to serve! About everything she was going to do, everything she already had done for….
Wait.
That was it! The perfect icebreaker! Granted, it didn’t actually break ice during that failed spell in class, but….
“Governor Thropp? May I be excused?” Galinda put on her perfect Upland party hostess voice anew. “There’s something I would like to show you. If you, Miss Elphaba and Miss Nessarose would please wait for a moment.”
The Governor merely nodded, Nessa looked more confused than accepting…and there was no sense glancing at Elphaba until she gave her something to glance at.
Like a reminder.
***************************************************
Precisely seven minutes, and only two wrong guesses at where she left it later, Galinda returned to their lunch table with her reminder.
“Your Eminentship, I’d like to show you my training wand,” Galinda held up, only performing a modest five-spin twirl with it for starters.
“This is what I’m studying to use in class, with Miss Elphaba. This is what I plan to become a great sorceress with, just like Miss Elphaba will be. And this is something…I never would have earned myself. Not without Miss Elphaba.”
This was something…she never actually admitted out loud before. Not to herself, and certainly not to Elphaba. Not even after the ball. Not even after…everything that led to her getting this wand. Even then, she never actually said those words, or anything like them, out loud to her.
Or certain other words either…
...but she was saying them now. In front of her father. To show him who his daughter really was. So it was all okay now. Or it would be in a bit. As soon as she proved Elphaba’s worth to him, nothing else would matter.
With that, she finally made herself look at Elphaba. Although her words were meant first and foremost for her father to hear, something still told Galinda they should be addressed directly to her anyway.
These words. If not others she hadn’t gotten around to saying.
“I wouldn’t be where I am now without Miss Elphaba. And she didn’t have to make that happen, Your Lordship sir! But she has this ability to see things that others can’t…or won’t. Even when they should have all along…”
For the first time since Governor Thropp knocked on their door, emotions other than placid pleasantries were on Galinda’s face. They were slowly blooming from it like the sun was finally peeking out, to be basic about it.
Yet any worries about that, and how she looked in front of company, didn’t register to Galinda. Something that still had never happened in front of anyone else but her.
Because how could it matter, when Elphaba was finally looking like that again too?
As usual, any kind of pleasant, pleased or genuinely happy look on her face was small, muted and barely visible. But to anyone who knew – even if it really might be just one person in all of Oz – even a look like that from her was utterly blinding. Utterly specialocious.
And something Galinda didn’t know how bad she missed – even for just these few hours – until now.
It set her at ease for the first time all day. Most importantly, it finally told her for the first time all day….
There you are, Elphie…
It was so blinding and such a relief, she had no idea this look on Elphie’s face was also saying something more. Even if the actual words were only in her head, she felt like her face was positively screaming.
Or more like positively cheering, after such a long day made worse by not seeing what she was finally seeing now…
Oh, there you are, Galinda…
And if Nessa had seen them staring at each other like this for one second more...she might have started putting things together that it would take years and years for them to figure out themselves.
And then just what could have been….
But instead, her father just had to be heard and seen.
“Well, anything that has to do with being seen has never been her problem. Being seen and not heard, on the other hand…”
He said the last part quietly, as if he didn’t mean for anyone else to hear. He didn’t have a problem with the first part being heard, but nonetheless…
Nonetheless, the last part wasn’t quiet enough.
“What did you say?”
Technically, Elphaba’s words were no louder than her father’s. Yet the sudden seethe behind them was deafening.
“Being seen and not heard…that’s a far too popular phrase around here.”
“Well, at least that’s some good news.”
“Good news? Believing creatures…more than one creature…should be seen and not heard is good news to you?”
“There are worse ways to never be heard again. And if certain people believed in being seen and not heard back then, I never would have had so much taken from me. Or from Nessa…”
“…you above all know how easy it is to take like that. Daughter.”
**********************************************************
Truthfully, if either Elphaba or Galinda knew the complete story behind that – or if even the Governor did – maybe things would have been so much different. In this moment and so many to come.
But with no one having the real story, this was where they were.
With Nessa only now trying to play peacekeeper. For her father’s sake and for the sake of avoiding a public outburst from her sister, if anything.
With Elphaba barely managing to redirect the argument away from her, and back towards who else her father apparently believed should be seen, not heard. At least funneling her rage back towards that issue was far safer. Far easier. And far more surmountable.
Though its not as if Galinda heard any of that. And it wasn’t as if any of the Thropps remembered she was still there by now. But even if they did notice her, she was unable to notice them back.
At that moment, the whole world had been blocked out by her. But not in the fun and good way she was used to. This way was different.
There wasn’t sunshine, clouds, rainbows or anything pretty in her head, for once, that made her lost to the world.
All she could hear, all she could see, from the moment she heard the Governor’s words…and from the moment she remembered where they came from and why….
Was a feeling she was too unfamiliar with to really name. And not like the feeling she thought she had around Elphaba those first few weeks – the one she got so wrong and still couldn’t truthfully name even now anyway….
Maybe the closest word for this unfamiliar feeling right now was…
Rage.
It was one thing for Elphaba to say her father thought she killed her mother. Quite another to hear Elphaba believe it. But to hear him say it, in so many words, right to her…
How dare you.
No matter how boorish or rude another powerful adult was around her, she was trained never to feel boorish or rude back. It just wasn’t done, or even thought about, regarding a popular or powerful person. And yet with this powerful person right now…
Galinda couldn’t hear anything but her own heavy breathing – no matter how loud the Thropp’s argument was getting in the meantime. She didn’t move a facial muscle – yet the muscles in her hands, grasping her training wand under the table, were throbbing.
Willing themselves to keep holding her wand tight, instead of doing…anything else.
Willing herself to stay quiet – instead of screaming the things out loud that she was screaming in her head right now.
How dare you, you…bully.
(You would know about bullying her, wouldn’t you?)
What kind of father says that to their own daughter…what kind of ANYONE would say that to Elphie?!
(You would know….)
You don’t deserve a daughter, a magician, an ANYONE like Elphie….
(And you do….?)
You leave her alone right now…
(And NOW you want her to be left alone…?)
Get away from her or I’ll…I’ll….
(You know you won’t…not even for her. Especially not for her.)
Then just go away! Go away! I wish you would just…
(If anyone can use wishes, it’s not you…)
Just don’t hurt her anymore…
(If you cared about that, you’d have moved out long ago…)
Go away! Please! I wish he would…I wish you would…
(I hope you prove me wrong. I doubt you will.)
I WISH YOU WOULD JUST…FLOAT AWAY!
******************************************************
None of the Thropps noticed Galinda was still there while they were arguing.
None of the Thropps noticed Galinda, or her wand underneath the table, or her hands shaking as they strangled it. Even Galinda didn’t, really.
None of them noticed the sparks starting to forge out of it.
None of them noticed the moment Galinda’s mind sent its accidental command.
None of them even noticed the split second that command was followed. None of them could see anything beyond what they were yelling at each other.
Not even the man now trapped inside a sheer, giant bubble.
At least not until he finally noticed he was in a sheer, giant bubble a second later.
At least not until it registered for Nessa another second later.
At least not until it registered for Elphaba…right at the moment that bubble started to float up into the air. With her father still in it.
Only then did Galinda snap out of her own little trance too.
Only then, as the bubble she made started to float Governor Thropp away from their table, did she realize what was happening.
Only then, as the Thropps got up and started chasing their floating father, did Galinda start to consider…maybe for once, something weird and magical and confusing didn’t come from Elphaba.
Only a moment later, when she looked down at her own wand, did she realize…it was her.
And only right then and there, when she actually thought about it – the bubble popped.
With nothing to stop or protect the Governor from the long fall down.
Nothing until Elphaba stopped it and stopped him. Albeit with only a half second to spare before he crashed onto the ground.
But once he was floated down safely the rest of the way, timing and Elphaba’s actual heroism didn’t matter in the least.
Not to someone who very nearly got lost in the sky. And not to someone who, as far as she knew, only knew one person capable of floating a family member away like that.
“Elphaba, what did you do now? I know Father was…abrasive, but you could have really hurt him!” Nessa spouted.
*************************************************
It wasn’t her.
Galinda only said that in her mind, though. Not out loud. When she opened her mouth to say it out loud, though – it froze halfway there.
The words stayed stuck in her throat for a half-second, despite so much of Galinda’s body – except maybe the parts that counted – willing them to make their way out. And yet right as it felt like they might have…
Elphaba, as always, was so much quicker than her instead.
“You’re right,” she said to her family for…some reason.
“For all of Madame Morrible’s lessons, I still don’t have control in a courtyard, apparently. But I’ll figure it out eventually. At some point I’ll have to.”
No, you don’t, because it wasn’t you…
But yet again, words Galinda should have spat out in an instant just stayed…lodged in her throat. Words she should have used to clear Elphaba’s name, even if it meant blackening hers, just wouldn’t come out.
Words Elphaba should have forced her to say, if only to spare herself. To stop taking the blame, for once. To actually be thanked for saving that…that unworthy man.
Not to take the fall for an unworthy…
“Miss Galinda, I need to help my father get back on his feet. Then he’ll probably want to head home after such a trying day. You can head back home now, if you want.”
I don’t want…
But as always, what Galinda wanted and wasn’t supposed to want didn’t matter.
“Yes…of course,” she heard herself saying on autopilot. “I should leave you be with your family.”
Maybe the biggest lie she ever told.
“Miss Elphaba, Miss Nessarose, I will see you two later. Governor Thropp…I do hope you bless Shiz with your presence again soon.”
That was the biggest lie.
Galinda would be most fortunate if she never had to tell a lie that big in public ever again.
Especially when it had to do with Elphaba.
******************************************************************
When Galinda finally made her way back to the dorm, and finally cleared a tiny bit of fog out of her brain, it actually hit her at last.
I just did magic…I can finally do magic!
….and THAT’S what I did with it…?
A bubble. How in Oz did…she couldn’t even begin to…well, that was just too much to unpack and figure out on its own. On top of everything else.
Let alone that she almost took out a Governor with a…bubble. Uncontrollable magic and that’s what she did with it…
…is that how Elphaba felt that first day?
…is that how she felt every day with it?
…is that how she felt every day with him…?
…oh, Elphie…
…she should have let him drop in the river, or something. She should have…
She should have told him it was her, not Elphaba. She should have told him she should have done worse. She should have told him…
She should have told him so many things before he got...bubblefied. Things she wasn’t supposed to say to a man like him. Things a man like him should have heard a long time ago.
Things like how ashamed he should be to ever make someone like Elphaba – Elphie – feel ashamed. Like she…
Like I…
“I wasn’t that bad…I stopped it! I wasn’t that bad…”
(Then if you should have said all those things to him instead of bubbling him…why didn’t you say them to her first?)
Stupid, cruel, sometime Morrible impersonating inner voice. It was even more annoying when it was right. Which is…a lot.
She should have just told her father how wrong about Elphie she was. Training and being proper so powerful people can help her later be damned. Elphaba would have loved hearing those words from her – a lot more than she must have loved taking the fall for her.
Words surely mattered so much more to her than actions. Especially when she’s heard so few kind words. From him and….
“Why can’t you ever just tell her things…?”
It wasn’t just today. It was when she did things like dance with her, give her popularity lessons, and other grand gestures of apology. Instead of an actual apology with words.
She would have loved the words a lot more. If Galinda could ever get them out of her mouth.
All the frivolous words she says every day, and even now, she couldn’t say words to her when it counted. Words like it was Galinda’s fault. Words like…
I’m so sorry. For everything.
I’m sorry I ever made you feel like he did, for even a moment.
I will never let anyone make you feel that way and stay quiet, EVER again. I promise…
…you can have my family, if you want! Momsie and Popsicle will love you much more than he could!
I’ll make them love you as much as I love you, if I have to!
….as much as…
…I love…
“Galinda?”
***********************************************************
After finally getting her father on his way home, finally apologizing enough to calm him down, finally promising never to make a scene like that and threaten Nessa’s good standing here again, and finally enduring Nessa’s silent treatment – in between all her promises to him that Boq would be here next time he visits…
…Elphaba finally got to make her way home.
But when she got there and opened the door, she saw a sight more startling than that…bubble.
Galinda facing her mirror and not smiling. In fact, she almost looked on the verge of crying. And not a theatrical cry over nothing. A real cry.
“Why can’t you ever just tell her things…?”
Elphaba bit her tongue, ignoring her instinct to try and learn more. Instead, she just watched Galinda, as she stayed oblivious to being watched for once. Less out of ignorance and more out of…guilt?
She was even starting to mutter things under her breath now. But Elphaba was only close enough to hear the first few words.
“I’m so sorry. For everything.”
Did Galinda actually know or think she was there? Was she only able to talk to her with her back turned now?
…did she actually think she needed to apologize?
Why can’t you ever just tell her things…
…did she really think Elphaba couldn’t hear her? Didn’t know what she was saying this whole time?
Right from the very beginning, Elphaba knew exactly what she was really saying. Even and especially when she was saying something else out loud and in public. She knew what she was really saying to her that first day, what she was really saying with all those pranks and jokes – or so she thought –
…and she knew exactly what she was saying to her at Ozdust. Even if she never said the actual words out loud. She knew.
She always knew what Galinda was really telling her. And she knew what she was telling her today. She used a bubble in public…for some reason. But what Elphaba saw and heard from that bubble, and from her, was something else entirely.
Something no one had ever said to her. Or said for her. Words like…
I see you hurting.
I see you fighting.
And I want to help you.
She did it with a bubble. She did it by almost hurting her father. She did it by almost getting them both into big trouble. But she did something…other than just standing by, letting her take the brunt of his anger and shame, and not caring about it.
She cared about it. She saw it. She knew what it was doing to her. She knew exactly the kind of pain it made her feel, behind all the anger she hid it with. And she wanted to make it stop. For her.
And unlike Ozdust, it wasn’t after she made things worse first. This time nothing beforehand was her fault. And yet, even though she had no guilt to erase and no one was watching…
…she stood up for her anyway. Defended her – in the weirdest, most bumbling, most thoughtless…most purely, uniquely, fiercely Galinda way.
Defended her in a way no one had ever done – had ever cared enough to do – before.
So how could she possibly let her pay the price for that?
What difference did it make to bear her father’s blame, again? Whether it was true or not…
If it ever had been true.
Only Galinda was different. From everyone. And yet here she was beating herself up for it. Not because people saw her or it made her look bad or unperfect – not this time.
Because she thought Elphaba was mad at her for it. Or didn’t really hear her.
That she couldn’t stand by and take the blame for.
“Galinda?”
With that, Galinda jumped up, turned around and saw her. Tried to vain to restore her proper posture, like she had all day. For his benefit, no doubt. No matter how…she shouldn’t have had to.
“Elphaba!” she kept trying to save face. “I was…I mean, I was going to…what I mean is, I really should…”
But Elphaba didn’t want to hear it. Not what Galinda thought she wanted to hear – not what she convinced herself she needed to say, out loud or not.
If Galinda thought she had to apologize for doing what no one ever did for Elphaba before…then Elphaba could stop it by doing something she’d never done before. What she’d been warned against pretty much from birth. What she told herself didn’t matter and wasn’t necessary anyway.
They had hugged at Ozdust, and hugged several times after. Yet Elphaba had never been the one to initiate it. Had been molded, by neglect or otherwise, to be someone that would never hug first. Never needed to hug first, because it would never be accepted and reciprocated anyway.
And yet here she was, reaching over to hug her first anyway.
*********************************************************
Galinda stiffened immediately, before it hit her.
She’s never hugged me first before…
And then the rest hit her. Without Elphaba needing to say it out loud.
…has she ever hugged anyone first before?
…has her sister, or him, let her hug them first before?
Has any human ever…
In that half-second, all her stiffness went away. In fact, she was less stiff than Elphaba still was, once she poured everything she had into hugging her right back.
Poured it out until words she only said to herself finally had an audience now. They were more like half-sobs than words now, but she still said them.
“Oh, Elphie…”
And for some reason, the moment she said them, everything in Elphaba’s hug softened too. In fact, she felt like she was sinking into her arms right then and there.
“That’s much better…”
It was too confusifying – in a weird way and in some much more…kind of floaty way – to fully work out. All Galinda knew was she didn’t want it to end yet.
But eventually, for some reason, they did have to part. When they did, and when Galinda could look at Elphaba’s face again, all kinds of words stuck in her throat again.
She knew she needed to say at least a few of them, to her face, this time. But she didn’t know which ones to use first. Which ones she should.
Which ones were lodged somewhere even deeper…even more hidden…right below them.
“I…”
“I know what you’re trying to say. I always know what you’re saying. Whether you want me to or not.”
At least someone did. But Elphaba was the one good with words, so maybe Galinda could just take her word for it.
And of course, whereas Galinda couldn’t get one word out when it counted, Elphaba could still floor her with just two.
“Thank you…”
At the least, a “You’re welcome” should have been easy to tell her. Yet it stuck in Galinda’s throat with all the others. All the ones she should still probably try to say. Words Elphaba had probably never heard, and should hear every single day to make up for it – especially from her.
Nonetheless, none came.
…nonetheless, Elphaba still looked at her…like that…anyway.
Like she did when she showed them the wand. Like she was doing more and more at other places too. Like despite how inadequate Galinda was at saying or doing something she really should – not just something she was told she had to do…
It was still okay.
She pretty much framed her, got her yelled at by her family, and wasn’t even apologizing to her – like always – and she still looked at her like that anyway. Like despite everything Galinda lacked when it came to her…she was still…adored…anyway.
…how could she interrupt that with…words she didn’t know how to say? How could she risk popping this bubble – their bubble – like that? Not with anything serious, at least.
So Galinda would stay a coward. In front of the only person who would never hold it against her. Besides, after magic and awful fathers and even worse political debates…it was really long past time to turn their brains off.
And what better way than with a mindless story?
“Did you know my father fell down the stairs the first time he met Momsie? When we go see them at break, he’ll insist to you it was just a loose shoelace. But let me tell you the whole story…”
******************************************************
So Galinda told her that mindless story, and others she could remember. But unlike when the Governor kept talking and talking with stories, she made sure Elphie felt included in them. Always asked her “You know what?” or “You’ll never guess what happened next!” – though she usually could.
In any case, whether Elphie was really listening or really cared or not, she let her know with words, questions and touches that she wanted her to listen. To feel like part of the story, because her being Galinda’s audience was the most important part.
To feel valued just for being there with her. In a bubble with room for two.
The most magical bubble Galinda had made today – or would perhaps make any other day.
Yet when it finally did pop, it took years and years of misery, loss – and too many fake deaths than either would have liked – for both of them to realize for all the words they said without saying them, even on a far back day like this one…
…they were only really saying three of them to each other the whole time.