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At this point in the war it felt remarkable to Rex that he was able to get off to hang out in 79’s at all. Not to say that he didn’t have the occasional time off, but he never felt compelled to hang out in public spaces anymore. Maybe once when he still felt that connection to the troopers around him, but a disconnect had settled between him and them now.
They were still his vods. They were still his fellows in an army for the grand Republic, but they were not those same vods that he’d fought so many battles with.
They weren’t Fives, they weren’t Echo, and they weren’t Cody.
Of course there were other troopers that he was close with. Jesse and Kix were easily the two that he could point to and say that he was closer with them than most, but they had their own tasks they wanted to do. Jesse was pursuing becoming an ark trooper now that Fives was gone, and Kix had told him that he was doing his own personal research in his spare time. So there wasn’t any time left for him in those schedules, and he was fine with that.
He had to be fine with that.
This was just wanted happened to soldiers during war. Relationships couldn’t always be kept up. No one expected them to withstand every battle, at least the smart ones wouldn’t.
Rex was smart but also already knew that he was sentimental. He still remembered Hevy for force sake. He’d barely known that trooper for a few hours before he gave his life up to destroy the Commando droids, and he still took the time to remember him every now and then.
Maybe it all came down to his connection to Fives and Echo, but even they were gone. They both met a cruel fate that he couldn’t stop, and he couldn’t get over it.
He couldn't let go of them, especially Fives.
So, when his eyes landed on Fox, amongst all the troopers in 79’s, at first he was surprised. Of all the Coruscant guard it was well known that he rarely took off from work. Even if it was registered for him to take a break he would often ignore those orders and continue to work. There was very little that could pry him away from any given task at hand.
Yet there he was, sitting in a corner booth seemingly trying to hide from all the troopers around him, and Rex decided that he was in a the mood for a confrontation.
“Didn’t know you got off, Commander.” Rex settled himself down next to Fox tentatively. He had an eyebrow raised as he did and half expected to be told he couldn’t join the commander. “Word on the street is that you prefer to stay in most nights.”
“Coursant doesn’t ever let up, you know that Rex.” Fox looked him over briefly but quickly focused back on the room around them. “I could say the same for you. I thought the 501st would back somewhere in the galaxy by now.”
“General Skywalker is still getting our orders. We’ll be leaving sometime tomorrow. Just means there’s more time for the boys to party, though.”
“Clearly.” Fox raised his drink to his lips as his eyes pointed to a far more intoxicated group of troopers. “I feel like the only stories that will be told about us in twenty years was how much we enjoyed to party.”
That got a chuckle out of Rex. “Wouldn’t that be something. All our valor and heroic deeds lost to time, but the amount of drinks we had in a life time would be all that’s left.”
“Always a possibility. Not like the regular populace sees us as being much use either way.”
Rex’s eyes lingered warily on his brother in arms. There was a certain level of venom that those words carried that he wasn’t used to troopers. They were meant to respect civis. They were the people they were fighting for, after all. Still, Fox was the one who had to deal with them more than any of them. Especially, when it came to the Senate Guard.
“Don’t judge them all based on a few bad apples, Fox. They’re gonna have to get used to us being around soon enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“Can’t you tell? The war is getting closer to the end. The Senate is tired, the Separatists are tired, people are getting tired. There’s starting to be an end in sight.”
Fox’s face stilled as his eyes widened slightly. He practically looked like a startled Tooka for a second there as he started to understand what Rex meant.
“I’ve some rumblings about that. I didn’t think they’d be true, though. With how the Senate is they always promise that the war is going to end. The civis love to hear it, but the boys just side eye me whenever it gets down to that.”
Rex sighed, “None of us really know what’s gonna happen when this is all over.”
Fox nodded, “When you really think about it, what do we have waiting for us? We’re only here to fight. So with now war going on what use will they have for us?”
“They’re not going to be able to just brush us aside. There are too many of us for that.”
“And what are we going to do? Threaten the people who made us?”
Rex and Fox’s eyes met as they each tried to imagine what that would look like. The idea of a clone trooper uprising against any part of the Republic felt impossible. Even though there were millions of them out there it still seemed impossible that they could pose any real threat to the society that birthed them.
They were born into it without consent and there was nothing more they could do about it. No political power to their name and a facsimile planet to call home there was nothing for them to point to and really claim as theirs.’ At least not without it becoming clear how out of their depth they were.
These were the kinds of worries few of them considered. They just focused on the battles in front them and making sure that they made it through to a next day. And another day, and another, and another, and another, and another, until it suddenly becomes clear that there was going to be an ending eventually. The way they were living didn’t leave room for a future beyond battle, but the galaxy needed the war to end eventually.
And then what?
“Don’t suggest something like that. That’s what leads to troopers disappearing on patrol. You should know that better than anyone.”
“I haven’t found as many of our brothers’ bodies as you may think in gutters around here.”
“And if you did would you think it’s a cover up?”
“I’m not above wondering what those higher ups might be planning from their silver towers.”
“Then what happened with Fives?”
It came out quicker than Rex had meant it to, but he watched Fox immediately freeze after it was put on the table. The way his eyes widened ever so slightly before his head slowly turned toward his vod. His head tilted a little as his mouth hung agape. They sat there like that, staring at each other, for minutes as they both waited for the other to make a move.
Neither was quite ready to take that step to proceed forward. Rex’s hands were balled up as he tried not to show any more of the venom that was pumping through his veins. His insides bubbled with anticipation as he watched Fox considered each and every outcome that could follow.
They weren’t supposed to talk about 5555 since the case had been closed for a few months. That hadn’t stopped Rex from mulling it over in his head during his spare time. He never thought he’d have the chance to ask Fox directly about what happened, yet here it was.
“He had a blaster. We had our orders. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I promise, Rex, it wasn’t supposed to happen like that. I didn’t mean to kill him.”
“Then why wasn’t your blaster on stun?”
Again it hit the table with a thunk as Fox practically paled with how direct it was. There were no easy answers to any of the questions that Rex was going to come up with and Fox wasn’t ready for any of them either.
They were at a stand still.
So, Rex decided to take the high road.
“Do you think he was right? About the chips, I mean.”
“That would mean he’d have to be right about the chancellor too.”
“I’m not asking about that part. I’m asking about the chips. Do you think he was right? That they are put in there for some other reason? That they could make us–”
“Rex, I know he was under your command and you watched him become an ark trooper but this isn’t a good path to take. You’re a good captain. You’ve been with General Skywalker for years. Don’t get caught up in what we can’t change.” He awkwardly placed his hand on top of Rex’s, “Because that’s what happened to Fives.”
The captain looked down at his hand before looking back at the commander who stared at him with a surprising amount of concern. His eye bags were as black as ever and though he was regard to generally lack emotion there was genuine pain in his eyes. He wasn’t wrong to worry, but it felt off.
They were talking about the brother that he had killed and he was worrying about him.
It felt wrong.
“Don’t.” He pulled his hand out from under Fox’s, “I don’t need that. Especially from you.” He stood up quickly as he took a few steps away from Fox. He felt sick at the pity in his vod’s eyes after what he’d done.
It was his fault that Fives was gone and yet his eyes were the ones filed with worry and concern. Guilt might have been there a few minutes ago but it wasn’t enough.
Rex wanted more.
He hated to admit it but he wanted Fox to comprehend exactly how horrible it was what he had done and how horrible it truly was.
That is what he wanted and it was no where enough.
“Don’t kriffing do that.”
He thought Fox yelled after him as he stormed out of the bar but he didn’t bother to find out. Helmet in his hand he made his way through the busy Coruscant streets. Nobody seemed to care as a clone stumbled through alley way after alley way in clear distress, but when had they ever cared about a distressed clone? They were only meat droids, after all. Nothing but a byproduct of a war that no one had asked for, and one that had never been asked for in turn.
That made it easy for Rex to find a random dark corner to fumble to before sitting down there. In his rage he hadn’t at all considered where exactly it was that he was going, but it didn’t matter just then. Because his throat was burning with a sob.
He’d felt it the moment Fox had tried to show some semblance of care toward him, but he refused to let him see that. He would not allow the very man who had inflicted this pain onto him to see him bare it.
No, he’d rather take his chances with the neon cold streets in a random alley way.
He didn’t care if the public saw a captain of the republic have a break down. He just couldn’t stand to be around his brothers anymore.
They all looked like him.
They all had his face.
He was in all of them.
And if he was right then they were all going to burn.
He knew he couldn’t think about it for more than this one night, so he’d have to get it all out right there. No one batted an eye when he started to scream or beat his fist into the ground. They didn’t care anymore than if it had been anyone else. He was another cog in a giant machine, and he didn’t see any way for it to come apart.
So instead, he raged, he screamed, he cried, he mourned, and he remembered the brother he lost.
There was no going back now but at least he could cling to the memories that Fives had provided, and be ready if he was right all along.