Archive of Our Own ^beta

Despite all the planning he’d done beforehand, all the gift-buying, meticulous wrapping, copious levels of shiny bows and ribbons, Logan still managed to forget that, if he was going to have guests over, he was going to need some sort of food for them. He’d never been a Christmas dinner type guy. Honeyed ham was delicious and he wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to grab some, but he never went out of his way to prepare something fancy. It was always just him and Laura, after all. They could stay in their matching Christmas pajamas all day and feast on all the frozen waffles (and whatever other junk food they could dream of) all day as they watched the snow come down.

But if other people were going to be a part of it, he wanted to try and have a modicum of self-respect. Kurt, Ororo, Scott, Jean, Erik, and Charles, despite not being the fanciest of people — sans, of course, Charles — didn’t need to know how simple of a life he lived. 

So here Logan found himself, several minutes deep into considering which kind of chips would be best with the dip Kurt had promised to bring, when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

It took every ounce of self-restraint Logan had not to jump at that touch. His past wasn’t exactly a savory one, and if it had finally caught up to him on this fairly gloomy Christmas Eve, his greatest weapon would be anonymity. He’d worked for years under a secret military organization, and honestly had no idea why he was still alive. Surely Stryker should have sent someone after him by now. Even though the bastard was in jail, he had his slimy tendrils all over dozens of people who weren’t. Maybe his past demons had come to drag him right down to hell, kicking and screaming.

He turned slowly, calmly, and came face-to-face with someone he couldn’t quite place. Something in the back of his mind told him he knew this guy, but surely he would have remembered meeting someone this heavily scarred. Only a particularly formidable enemy could’ve gotten scraped up like that and crawled away to tell the tale. He put on his best glare to frighten off this guy, whoever he was. 

He looked like someone who’d crawled his way out of a fiery pit somewhere, that much was for certain. Scars marred his face, making his eyes look sunken in and his skin waxy. Logan couldn’t imagine how much pain that would have caused him, or what kind of event would make him look that way. It was the kind of skin you had to moisturize every day and usually would only be seen in severe burns. He wore ratty jeans and a gray hoodie, a real ‘I don’t know you and you don’t know me so let’s not get to know each other’ type look. 

“Can I help you, bub?”

The response was immediate, water off a duck’s back, a smile on the guy’s face, curling his scarred skin in a way that was clearly familiar to him. “I dunno, can you?”

Of all the people from Logan’s old life who could have run into him, this was the only one that Logan wouldn’t immediately drop everything and run from. Wade fucking Wilson. Of all the guys he’d worked with, him and Wade had a special bond. It was the kind of bond that rumors flew around camp about, and that they denied, if only to not have to be separated from one another. This guy was the one who had kept him company in those terrible years with Special Forces, being made to do things he could never forget and certainly would never be forgiven for. 

No offense to any of the other men they were grouped with, but if they had come looking for him, Logan would fully expect a fight. He would be certain to his bones that they were there to finally give him two in the head and one in the heart. Wade, he would at least give some space to explain. 

He grabbed Wade by the chin, standing on the tips of his toes and pulling the other man down so that he could properly examine his face. He was notoriously good at sniffing out a liar, the man everyone went to if they wanted to know if someone was who they said they were or not. It was a skill he didn’t get to use much anymore, as his days of interrogating were long behind him, thank God. 

“The fuck happened to you, Wilson?” The spiderweb of scars running across his face made him nearly unrecognizable from the ridiculously handsome, frankly Adonis-level man he’d once been, but it was definitely still Wade in the immediate flicker of righteous anger in his deep brown eyes. Logan felt the same grip Wade held him with after a particularly bad nightmare as the man grabbed his wrist, squeezing it tight.

“Nice to see you too, Wolvie. I’m great, thank you for asking.” His eyebrows, or the ridges that had once held them, flickered upwards. Logan would have responded if not for the typical flood of words that emerged from Wade’s mouth. “Yes, that football game last Sunday was absolutely riveting, maybe we should get a couple beers sometime and talk about it like adults with jobs and mortgages, how’s that sound? I’ve really gotta run now, though, but it was nice seeing you for the first time in a decade. Crazy how time flies, right?” 

Wade was as animated as ever, perhaps even more than he’d used to be, his face contorting with every expression in tandem with his hands and body moving for added effect. He’d be a natural at speaking sign language. 

“I’d like to think that I got a good reason to ask, Bub.” He grumbled to himself, when his brain finally caught up to the last bit of his monologue. Ten years… “Has it really been that long?” He glanced aside, trying to think of the date he’d actually been expelled from the program. God, he was old. He felt it in his skeleton, the way it seemed to drag him down a little more every day. His bones creaked and ached, his joints seized when it rained. His knuckles had to be cracked at least once a day or else his hands would be killing him at work. It just took Wade pointing out how long it had been to make him really feel it. 

“Yeah, twelve years since I saw you last.” Wade stepped back. 

He couldn’t help the next words out of his mouth. “How long has it been since… this happened?” He waved his hand in front of Wade, vaguely gesturing at his face, though surely the scarring couldn’t be just limited to that. Just the thought of something scarring Wade so badly had him pissed off. He missed out on so much of his friend’s life, and he was really feeling it now. He didn’t look like he’d aged a day, not really, more like he’d gone in a different direction entirely. Not older, not younger, just… more. Wade had never been one to hide his facial expressions, and now, without eyebrows, with such scarred lips, with his whole face moving with every movement, he had to be even more exaggerated than he had been when he talked. 

“Oh, about four, four and a half years. Any other questions?” His eyes widened and he leaned down like he was talking to a child, a position Wade fucking knew he loathed. “How long did it take to heal? Do you have any traumatic memories you want to share? Is your dick still intact and functional, maybe?”

And that smug look. Logan could punch him for it. He crossed his arms to remove the ability. 

“Forgive me for asking about your well being, it won’t happen again.” He turned away, back to the stupid chips for the stupid dip. God forbid he actually cares about his old friend. 

“Make sure it doesn’t.” Wade responded flatly, apparently doing the same. 

Logan pushed him hard away from some tortilla chips, the last thing he needed before he could go home. 

“Yeah, nice seein’ ya, Bub. If you wanna play nice next time we can talk again. If not, I’ve got places to be.” He narrowed his eyes, returning his hands to his shopping cart. 

“I’ll be nice if you learn to mind your own beeswax, ‘Bub’.” 

Logan saw red at Wade making fun of the word he landed on so often. He frowned, his heart sinking. Wade was a lot of things, he was a bitch, but he wasn’t usually mean . Logan got the distinct feeling he’d done something to really hurt him. 

“No need to use that mouth on me, Wilson. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”

Of course, the first person to track him down wouldn’t be there to kill him, but would just end up disappointed in him anyway. Of course. Wade’s bravado seemed to melt away at Logan’s threat to leave, though. His answer was immediate, almost desperate. “Did I say I wanted you to leave?”

“Nah, but you were being a rude son of a bitch.” 

“So were you.” Wade crossed his arms. He looked like a petulant middle schooler who was told they had to be supervised in the bathroom because they kept running off to make out with their that-day-and-no-others-boyfriend. Logan wouldn’t be surprised if he stuck his tongue out next.

“Since when have I ever had tact? You should be used to that.” While The Wolverine had been a force to be reckoned with, with his intimidating way of carrying himself and the way he growled out every word, Logan Howlett left much to be 

“You got me there, Peanut.” His expression softened for a second, before boiling back over into frustration. “But maybe lay off the questions about why I look like the result of a botched Roman candle?”

…The firework?  

“You don’t— I was asking when you got hurt. I don’t think you look like a… what was it?”

“Way back in ancient Rome, during the early rise of Christianity,”

Oh no.

“Emperor Nero was not a fan—”

“No—”

“And decided to start—”

“God, Wade,”

“Lighting the Christians on fire—”  

“ Please , stop.”

Wade took pity on him for once. “You don’t have to try to be polite, Howlett. It’s not your best look.”

That brought out a chuckle from Logan. “Didn’t know I had one of those.” He was graying, his preferred facial hair was something that was most certainly out of fashion and probably would never come back in, he was exceptionally short and bulky. He looked like a potato. 

“Pfft, don’t be modest.” Wade scoffed. “You’re hot as fuck and you know it.” 

It was a fact that Wade, at least, was deeply attracted to Logan. He’d had a lot of people flirt with him over the years, and had done his fair share of flirting right back. That didn’t mean he understood what people really saw in him. But here they were, and Wade was making flirty eye contact with him, and Logan could feel his cheeks heating up.

“Tch, you never change.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Always find a way to get me all embarrassed.”

Wade looked pretty proud of himself, leaning seductively against the shelves of chips. “Hard not to embarrass the hell outta you when you get so red. Just a little darker and you’d match my favorite shade.”

Logan half expected Wade to tap his nose with his finger, but thankfully he restrained himself. “Heh. I forgot how much you like red. Good thing I fluster so easy.” The words sounded stupid coming out of his mouth, but there was really no stopping them. 

“And it’s a double good thing that you look so pretty when you do.” Wade’s smile was so bright it was hard to look at. Wade was fully in his element and definitely having fun. To be fair, so was Logan, despite the concern that someone might come across them and judge the hell out of them for flirting on Christmas Eve when most Good Christian Men would be getting ready for Midnight Mass, or whatever. Roving Christians be damned, this was good.

Logan tugged at his collar. “God, Wade. You know how to make a guy feel special.” Though they would both fervently deny it if asked, they had actually been a fairly sweet couple when they were together. They spent lonely nights just chatting with one another, reminiscing about what life could be, very occasionally holding hands, something that always made Wade smile, no matter how down the two of them were. It left a happy feeling in the pit of Logan’s stomach just thinking about it.

Wade was practically glowing, looking Logan up and down, with his eyes lingering on Logan’s face. “Just one of my many talents, Wolvie.”

Logan rolled his eyes, letting them land on the floor. He couldn’t stand to see the look of victory on Wade’s face with his comment of, “Good god, I missed you.”

He couldn’t see his face, but could certainly hear the soft tone in Wade’s voice. “I missed you too, big guy. To paraphrase my lord and savior Elle Woods, you were the best thing about that place.” 

Who the fuck is Elle Woods?

Logan shook his head in a desperate attempt to rid himself from the confusion. “Thanks?”

“You’re very welcome, Logie Bear.” Wade coos. That was definitely one he hadn’t heard before. 

Logan looked up at him, shocked by the face that greeted him once again. It looked unbearably painful. He reached halfway towards the man’s face, but let his fingers linger several inches away. “Seriously, though. Who… who did that to you?”

Wade stiffened, face souring with defensive rage. “What’s it matter? Do you think I didn’t handle the situation?”

Logan felt pain at even the insinuation that he would think Wade couldn’t handle himself. “No.” Wade was exceptionally capable, good at making anyone like him, and someone to be feared in any sort of combat. “I just… I should have been there. Should have helped you.” 

The two of them had been through absolute hell together. They’d endured countless injuries, life-threatening events, kidnappings on both ends, hostage negotiations, literal torture from their enemies and the men who owned their lives, and things that were too disturbing for Logan to ever let himself remember outside of his nightmares. It was always easier when the two of them were together. They were the only thing that made life livable. And after Logan had left, Wade had gone and gotten himself horrifically hurt. 

“I take it the only reason they let you out was because you were out on a stretcher?”

The only reason they’d let Logan out was because he’d disobeyed orders one too many times and had become a liability. Really, Stryker should have killed him. Logan had no idea why he didn’t. The thought that Wade had had to go through much worse to get out had Logan’s fists clenched tight and aching to hurt someone.

Wade’s eyes drift off to the various bags of popcorn on the other side. “Yeah, something like that.” His voice was hollow and lacking any of his usual mirth. “There wasn’t anything you could’ve done to change it.” With that statement, his voice changed to more of a challenge, daring Logan to try and argue. He didn’t know anything about the scenario, so he couldn’t argue the point… yet.

He crossed his arms. “Still sucks that you had to deal with that shit alone.”

“I wasn’t alone.” Wade’s attention snapped back to Logan. “I had people that I came home to. I wasn’t alone.”

Logan lets out a long sigh, feeling his back pop. “That’s good, at least. D’you wanna sit down somewhere and have a proper talk? Think I’m about done shopping and my back is killing me.”

Wade whistles with a sardonic smile on his face. “The old man’s got back problems already? Damn, I thought you had a few more good years in you.”

Logan holds his back, wincing in genuine pain from his back after a long day, doing his best to ignore it. “Goddamn whippersnapper, you don't even know what you’re talkin’ about. Back in my day we had to work hard for a living and now my bones are brittle and my poor damn spine can’t work.” 

It was obvious he didn’t have the talent for improvisation that the man in front of him did, and that much was clear, but Wade seemed to be eating it up. He gave Logan a genuine laugh.

“Better get you somewhere to sit down then, grandpa. Want me to carry your groceries for you?”

Logan fought off the urge to grab him by the cheek, as Wade seemed fairly self conscious about his new look. “Such a nice young man. Let me get you some snacks as thanks.” He gestured over at the aisle of chips.

Wade’s eyes widened and he immediately grabbed the nearest bag of Takis with such vigor that Logan feared it would pop. “I need to check you out of the nursing home more often!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Logan grabbed his back again as he walked over to the checkout aisle. “If you’re not there by the time I’m done paying you don’t get your snacks.” 

Wade literally ran behind him, but said nothing. Logan wordlessly unloaded his items onto the conveyor, unsure of quite what to say and not wanting to make a fool out of himself. He pondered the conversation he’d had thus far. The two of them had been an item for nearly the entire time they spent together in special forces. Their attraction to one another was immediate and showed in Wade flirting with him constantly. Wade actually flirted with everyone in their unit, but with Logan it felt different. More charged. Logan wouldn’t have been surprised if Wade actually had slept with some of the other men they’d worked with, but none of them could have possibly had what he and Logan had. They spent countless nights together, both fulfilling their own bored base sexual desires, but also genuinely bonding as two lonely people who’d never really found a home. 

They found a home in each other. Or at least, they had. It wasn’t the end all be all. It didn’t mean that Logan could never move on. But they objectively had had something that nobody else could possibly understand, between NDAs and vows of secrecy and threats of violence, to all of their shared experiences and the despair that it caused them.

And now they were together again in the real world. In a place where the two of them mattered as people, where they didn’t really make sense and there weren’t any orders to follow. They were getting along, they seemed happy. It was definitely at least a bit of idle daydreaming on Logan’s part, but he’d be lying if he said he had never wondered what his life would have been like if they had met like normal people. Just two random strangers passing by one another in a grocery store or chatting at a bar. They had the opportunity to pretend that, now. They were two people just flirting with each other in the checkout lane. And if they were going to make this flirtationship or what have you work, there was something that Wade needed to know about.

Or, rather, someone. 

Logan cleared his throat. “I’m not a grandpa, by the way. Least, I hope not.”

The comment had slipped by a while back, but it was something he could do to bring the conversation where he needed, no matter how awkward it felt doing it. 

Wade didn’t look up from his snooping through Logan’s groceries of choice. “With your reputation? I wouldn’t be surprised. I know you started sleeping around long before you met me.” 

There was probably a little Logan Jr. scurrying around somewhere in the world, yeah. Way back when he’d been a drinker, a smoker, but most of all, a womanizer. Logan looked away. Yeah, Wade’s comment wasn’t exactly what he was looking for, but still. “Fair shot. Only one kid that I know of, though, and I sure hope a seven year old hasn’t found me a grandkid.”

His phrasing made it sound like Laura would bring him a child the same way one brings home a stray dog, but it honestly wasn’t that far off the mark. When she got attached, she attached hard. Just like her old man, that girl.

“What.” Wade stared at him with wide eyes. 

As a way of answering, Logan pulled his phone from his pocket, hitting the power button to display his lockscreen, a picture of Laura as a toddler smiling up at the camera. She was in a honey bee costume that Logan had painstakingly modified to fit her just right, and she was probably the cutest kid there had ever been in the history of the world. Not at all a biased opinion. “Her name’s Laura.” He could feel the smile in his voice. “Ain’t she just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”

Wade squealed loudly, drawing the attention of everyone in the checkout area. Logan shook his head fondly. Yeah, he really hadn’t changed one bit.

“Holy fuck, you made this? She’s adorable, what the actual shit.” He grabbed at Logan’s phone, admiring the screen. “When did this happen? Am I her godfather? Wait, that’s stupid. Can I be her godfather?” His eyes widened. “When’s her birthday? Does she like My Little Pony? When did she lose her first tooth? Is she doing well in school? She looks smart.”

Logan smiled proudly. "Let’s see how many I can answer before I forget. Yes, she’s mine. She’s seven. You’re not her godfather, that honor goes to one of my coworkers. Her birthday is in June, June twenty-first. She actually loves My Little Pony, her favorite one is the orange one. She lost her first tooth when she was five eating a stale cookie. And she’s doing great in school. Whenever she gets good grades I take her to get milkshakes.”

Wade handed the phone back to Logan, apparently satisfied of seeing the one picture. “Well, she’s absolutely wonderful, and you sound like you’re being a good dad, so props to you, too.” 

“Thanks, Bub. She’s my whole goddamn world.” He opened up his phone, going through his photo gallery to find an album full of Laura’s smiling face. She was currently in the process of losing her teeth, and was very excited for her next payout from the tooth fairy. The most recent photo is her progress in growing in her brand new adult teeth. 

Wade immediately snatched the phone from his hands. “Good, that’s how it should be. Just be careful.”

Logan’s blood froze at the sound of that. Immediately, he grabs his phone. The thought of his little girl in danger is one thing, but Wade telling him he needs to be careful with her is another thing entirely. “Was that a threat, Wilson?” Maybe he’d been wrong about him. Maybe the fact that Stryker was gone meant nothing to Wade, that something had fundamentally changed. Yes, it was extremely unlikely. Yes, he trusted Wade. But if his daughter got hurt because he got excited around an old friend, he would never forgive himself.

“No!” Wade scoffed, offended. “I’m just saying that… guys like us attract trouble, you know? I know you’ll do what you can to protect her, I’m just saying to be careful.” He looked away. “Fuck, don’t let me forget to give you my number in case things go south, alright?”

Logan let out a deep breath. Okay, so there was no reason for him to freak out and he just offended one of the only people he cares about on this whole planet. Great, awesome. Hopefully pictures of Laura will help cheer him back up. Then again, Wade was never the gloomy type. “Sorry, Wade.”

He really was sorry. There was no controlling his protective instincts, especially around Laura. The thought of someone from his old life tracking down and hurting this innocent kid for the sins of her father made Logan want to rip something up. He’d rather break his own bones than see her get hurt. 

“But, things aren’t gonna go south. It’s different now.” He lived a much better life. There was next to no chance anything like that could ever happen. Still, the moment you let yourself take a breath is the moment you’re most vulnerable to someone catching you off your guard. Whatever. He trusted Wade. Smart idea or not, he couldn’t help it. Wade was someone who was important to him, even now after all these years. 

“Here, this is an album of just her.” He handed Wade the phone.

Wade instantly started scrolling through the photos, faster than Logan could even make sense of them. “You did good, Logan.” He frowned. “Things can always go south. Have a plan for when they do. And a plan for when that goes wrong, too. A through Z.”

Oh, Logan had spent countless sleepless nights drawing up plans of his house, figuring out the fastest way out for him and Laura, stockpiling various tools they might need in any sort of crisis, and just plain worrying about her. It was a lot easier now that she was older and he’d been in a more stable line of work for years, but there were still times when the worry plagued his mind. 

He was shaken out of yet another panic spiral by the cashier stating his total. He pulled his credit card from his wallet, quickly paying for his stuff, grabbing his receipt, and shoving it in a bag. “‘Course. But I’m in a better line of work now.”

Wade passed his phone back, Logan awkwardly taking it and also stuffing it in a bag. 

“Yeah, so am I, but that doesn’t mean shit’s safe.” Wade stated, taking the bags from Logan’s hands. He winked. Logan rolled his eyes, chuckling.

“No, I mean. I’m clean. It’s honest work. I’ve gone legit.” He pulled the keys from his pocket, unlocking his truck. He noted to himself the snow that was now starting to fall. He would need to be careful driving home. He could imagine no betrayal worse than crashing the truck on Christmas Eve and not getting to spend Christmas with his little girl. 

Wade took a second to think about that, then his jaw dropped. “Really? Honest work? Someone was actually willing to hire you?”

Normally, that kind of question would warrant a punch in the teeth from Logan, but in this instance he knew exactly what Wade meant, and it wasn’t meant to be rude. Guys like them didn’t get hired. They got black marks on their record and were dropped in the middle of a city to fend for themselves or die.

“I know, I was surprised, too. Managed to find a guy who used to do similar kind of work who was running a school and they took me on. I guess they took pity on me.” Logan paused as he opened the door to the truck. “Nah, they took pity on Laura. You’re welcome inside.”

Wade got in the car, his mouth still open with awe. Though, to be fair, his mouth was rarely closed. “Someone who used to be in our line of work is now running a school? And you got a job at that school?” His eyes got even wider. “Wait. Does that mean you’re a teacher?”

“Social studies.” Logan nodded, clicking his seatbelt into place. “And no, the guy from our line of work doesn’t run the school, his husband does. Apparently they met back when he did honest work and Chuck took a huge leap of faith in taking him on.”

“Social studies.” Wade whispered reverently. “So does this Chuck guy have a habit of taking on reformed “bad” guys?” He made some overexaggerated air quotes with his fingers.

Logan shook his head. “No, he doesn’t. Honestly, if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t have taken a chance on me, either. But if you’re looking for honest work, I can put in a good word. Maybe they’ll take you on as a janitor or something. Keep in mind you’d be working around kids all day, and they take those kids’ safety very seriously.” 

“I can think of worse things in the world than that.” Wade smiled, mirthless. “I’m not sure Chuck’ll take a chance on me, though. My butterface isn’t exactly child friendly.” Said face fell, his eyes drifting to the windshield, slowly getting more and more obstructed by snow.

“That’s some real shit, Wade.” He watches the other man’s face carefully. The scars were jarring to see, sure, but he was still the same guy underneath. “I’m sure if kids actually got to know you they’d think you’re a normal guy, looks and all.”

“I think you somehow made it worse.” Wade finally turned to look at Logan. “I’ve never been normal a day in my life.”

“Eh, neither have I. Kids don’t need to know that.” He shrugged. “Wanna go somewhere?”

“If you’ve got time, then yeah. I’d like that.”

“Right on.”

They sat in expectant silence for a second before Logan came to the realization that no, Wade wasn’t going to buckle his seatbelt. That wasn’t gonna fly. He leaned all the way over him, grabbing at the seatbelt and buckling it for him. He undid the parking brake, setting his truck in reverse and glancing behind him before backing out. “I have a little time before I gotta go pick up Laura.”

“How much time? And I was fine, Peanut.” Wade winced, but didn’t actually do anything about his seatbelt, eliciting another low chuckle from Logan.

“Maybe an hour. And my truck, my rules. My rules are, seatbelts have to be on or we’re not moving.” He minorly adjusted his rearview mirror, not wanting to have to make eye contact with Wade.

Wade grumbled. “You know, when I pictured restraints coming up tonight, safety wasn’t the reasoning I had in mind.”

"I bet you're real proud of that one." He rolled his eyes, flicking his turn signal on and using the truck turning to hide the smirk on his face.

"Obviously. Don't tell me you weren't thinking about it." Wade put his hand on Logan's knee. "Surely you're at least a little tempted by the idea of having me all tied up and eager for you, right?"

Typical Wade, always trying to get into his pants. The pants that, as of now, were just that little bit tighter than they had been before. He adjusted his position so Wade's hand was on the less sensitive part of his leg. "Still horny as ever, I see."

"Always, Peanut." The other man crooned. "That's not changing any time soon and you know it."

Yeah, clearly. The only thing that would ever have made Wade less horny was if he had lost some very vital parts of himself in whatever horrific event led to his scarring, but it seemed he was at least in the clear from that one. "Good. Glad to know your time in hell didn't change you too much." He dared to look over at Wade for a second and saw a pensive look on his now-scarred face. He wondered if Wade thought Logan now found him ugly. He could never. There was something in Wade that was always going to be beautiful, regardless of his outer looks. A quality inside him that made him feel like home.

"Takes a lot more than hell on earth to kill my libido. You know that better than anyone."

"Of course."

The two of them had met under the worst of circumstances. It wasn't Logan’s fault that he was the best at what he did, and that what he did wasn’t very nice. He hated how good he was at tracking, maiming, and killing. But he was undoubtedly talented. Wade had been the only guy who didn't take offense at how much better he was at hurting, how much more Stryker prized him than everyone else. He cracked jokes just the same with him, Stryker, or whatever unlucky bastard happened to fall in their line of sight. He flirted indiscriminately with everyone, something that Logan had found horrendously uncomfortable, as it always left him feeling some sort of unidentifiable emotion.

Turns out, that emotion was attraction.

After a particularly difficult mission, Wade had been his particularly difficult self. He made the same kinds of jokes as always, about what he would do to Logan when they got back to camp. Except, this time, he had ended up actually doing them. They had gone at it for hours. After that, the two of them were inseparable. They spent every night together. It was the only reprieve either of them had from whatever the hell they were doing. He had never told Wade how he felt about him. Never really figured it out himself, either. But he could at least hope to invite him over for Christmas. Give him a bit of happiness now. 

"So, do you have anyone to help you with that?"

Wade snorted. "Not anymore. I had a fiancé, but we broke up a few years ago."

Despite the fact that it was bad news for Wade, he still couldn't help but feel a little bit of hope balling up in his chest. Yeah, apparently that spark between the two of them hadn’t ever actually flickered out, Logan was realizing. Whoever the fiancé was was incredibly lucky, and had missed on a fan-fucking-tastic opportunity to marry a guy like him. 

"Sorry to hear that, Bub. I've been with some people here and there, but none of 'em ever stuck around. I'm just glad Laura's mom gave me custody. I don't know where I'd be without her." His face softened at the thought of his daughter. She was his heaven on earth now. A perfect little girl who loved him with all her damn heart.

"I'm glad you have her. Sounds like she was exactly what you needed."

When Logan had been in high school, he made the stupid decision to read Les Misérables . It was a damn slog for the most part, but there was really something special about the bond between Valjean and Cosette. The lost man who was unlovable, and the lost child who was unloved. Together they adored one another, became each other's everything, made the other whole. He couldn't help but feel that way about Laura. Wade was right, she was exactly what he'd needed. Someone who pulled out all the human in him so he could forget just for a little while about the monster.

"Yeah, she really was." He reminisced as he pulled into a parking spot for his favorite local bar. "Drinks are on me, if you have a way of getting home."

"I do." Wade happily flashed him his phone, whose lock screen was some sort of animal that may have at one point been a dog. He had no idea why Wade showed him this, but it was good that he had a ride. "You sure you don't wanna split it?"

"Nah, for old times' sake. You were never good at holding onto any kind of money."

"That's cuz they didn't pay us jack shit. Especially not for what they were having us do." Wade struggled with his seatbelt for a second.

"No need for discretion pay if there's a gun to your fuckin' head." Logan sneered as he hopped out of the truck.

"And it's not like we were supposed to have much to do with the money, or like there was any point in saving up."

Yeah, that much was true. They had been expendable. Sure, it cost a lot to train them, but they paid them peanuts and never let them do anything lest they get caught. "Fuck Stryker. I hope his ass rots in hell."

He opened the door for Wade, like any gentleman should. This was his favorite bar in the area because it came with the understanding that drinking alcohol was not mandatory. It was common for guys in AA and recovery to be here. As a bonus, it was quieter than most bars, and the lights weren't as harsh. A few people recognized him as he stepped inside and lifted their drinks to him. He gave them a nod and a wave.

"Maybe not hell, but military prison is close enough." Wade muttered under his breath. "So people actually know you here?"

Maybe not the best impression to be recognized by bar regulars, he now realizes. Oh, well. Too late to take it back.

"Yeah, they're good guys. Most of 'em are sober. So am I, actually. They hold me to it."

He had stopped drinking when Laura's mom had told him she was pregnant and she didn't want the baby. They’d had a long and serious talk about what to do and they decided that Logan would take care of the kid if she had it. He hadn't known if he should hope she would or wouldn't, but either way, he realized that he needed to get clean on a lot of things. He sought out someone who'd left his line of work, who went from hurting bad people for money to just carpentry or something, and had been lucky as hell to find Erik. Luckier still when Charles took a chance on him and brought him on. He couldn't be drunk if he was gonna be around all those kids. While he worked as a guard and studied to be a teacher, he'd taken the hard steps to wean himself off alcohol. Charles recommended a psychologist he could see, and that had helped a lot. The memories were still fucking loud and terrible, but he knew how to process them now. How to deal with them in the moment. How to take a few deep breaths and calm down the animal part of his brain that just wanted to be scared, felt cornered, and felt the need to start hurting.

He wasn't gonna pretend it had been easy, and he sure as hell wasn't gonna act like he wasn't proud of what he'd done. But he wasn't here to brag.

"That's awesome!" Wade cooed. There was an awkward tinge to his voice that let Logan know that he definitely still drank. "First round of non-alcoholic beverages is on me, now. No arguing!"

"How about you buy me the finest apple juice money can buy and I get you a nice daiquiri?" Logan proposed with just a hint of an entertained smile.

"Nuh uh. You can buy me all the fancy cocktails you want after. I'm getting the first round." Wade crossed his arms, plopping himself down, arms not moving, onto a barstool. Logan had no such luxury, as they were a bit tall for him. He scrambled his ungraceful way up.

"As you wish."

"How very generous of you, Westley."

Of course Wade took it to be a Princess Bride reference. The added context of as you wish meaning I love you was not mentioned, much to Logan's relief. Bit of a heavy thing to bring up before Wade had even started on his first drink. "Doubt they have milkshakes or something."

Milkshakes had become a bit of a favorite splurge for Logan. Laura adored them and would always get so excited to share one with him, the two straws and the big cup really adding to the aesthetic of it all. He loved going on daddy-daughter outings with her and doing cute things like that. Things he never thought he was capable of. And if he wanted to share a drink with Wade with two straws, so be it.

"Probably not milkshakes." Wade nodded sagely. "But I'm sure we can figure something out. Maybe get milkshakes another time?"

That comment flustered him. He was now, of course, thinking about going on a date to some 50's diner with Wade, Grease style. Splitting a shake with him after he picked his favorite song on the jukebox. Yeah, he could do that. "Sure thing. What kind would you go for? I usually just do vanilla. It's boring..." He scratched at the back of his head, embarrassed. Who knows what Wade would say about his boring choices.

"Vanilla's got its time and place." Wade winked at him. "I'd probably go for strawberry, though."

Logan flushed yet more. "Yeah. Strawberry is my second favorite."

Wade gave him a look that usually came after he'd taken his shirt off. Wade must be starved for some good attention. "You've got good taste, Peanut."

"Thanks, Bub." He swallowed. He was going to continue on this flirtationship even if he was in semi-public and around people he knew. "Picked you, didn't I?"

For once, Wade's smile was quiet instead of loud. Those words had pleased him right down to his soul. His face flushed red, the blush working its way around his scars. He seemed at a loss for words. "Yeah, I guess you did."

And he looked up at Logan. "You're not so bad yourself, big guy."

To that, Logan felt equally flustered. He returned to the menu, wracking his brain for something that would taste good enough to order it non-alcoholic that Wade would actually enjoy. He wasn't kidding when he mentioned drinking apple juice. It was a habit he picked up from always having some around for Laura. But Wade was someone who had taste and was often hard to please. "Maybe a virgin Piña Colada."

Wade's smile was loud again, broken out of its stupor. "Ooh, we're going for a tropical theme tonight? Fuck yeah! A pineapple daiquiri it is!"

Logan can't help but smile at his enthusiasm. "I had no idea you'd be so excited about that."

"Why shouldn't I be? Tropical drinks are fucking amazing. Fruity and sweet with some tang. Great for virgin cocktails, and great for getting fucked up. They're the best of everything." Wade rambled happily.

"In that case, do you wanna split one?" He was looking for excuses to share their drink with two straws. Now that it was on his mind, he needed this.

There's a light in Wade's eyes that Logan's rarely seen. The man is more excited than he'd maybe ever seen him. "Yeah, sure, let's do it!"

Logan was fully trying not to turn red once more. If he had a tail, it would be wagging. "One virgin daiquiri, two straws." He ordered quietly, pointing at the colada in question.

"So what've you been up to, other than teaching and raising a kid?"

Wade was looking at him with such an adoration that his heart skipped a beat. He couldn't make eye contact. "Well... nothing much, really. I just go to work, go home, take care of Laura. There are a few teachers I spend time with outside of work. No major relationships. Nothing like that." 

His life was boring, and he liked it. It was routine. Get up in the morning, make breakfast, get Laura on the bus, drive to school, and teach his classes. Lunch with the other teachers was his means of socialization. After work, he would work out for a good hour, drive home, catch Laura getting off the bus, make dinner, and go to bed early. 

"Sounds nice." Wade smiled. "You've got a good thing going."

"For sure. It would be nice to have some help. More than Scott and Jean do already, anyway." He mused. Those two were really his rock, his closest friends from work. They were trying for a kid and were more than happy to help take care of Logan's, knowing that he had no one else to call on. He hated always having to ask them for help, though. It would be so nice to have a partner. He realized with a start that Wade had no context for them. "They're from work. They come and help me with Laura so I can have a day to myself every now and then. Today being one of those days."

Wade looked thoughtful. "They sound like good friends."

"Yeah. Truth be told, I had kind of a thing for Jean." He cleared his throat. He had a lot of a thing for Jean for a while. He flirted despite knowing she was in a relationship, which was not his proudest moment. But she was so confident and beautiful and kind. She was the kind of person he would see a future with if not for the Scott issue. "Scott's not too bad looking, either. Fuckin' annoying, though."

Wade scoffed. "Since when was being annoying a bad thing? I'm pretty sure you had a thing for annoying people at one point."

"Never said I didn't." He gives Wade a long look up and down.

Wade moved into a more seductive pose. "So you've still got a thing for the annoying fuckers?"

Logan chuckled, giving Wade another look-over. He was a bit less lean than he was in the military, which he hoped just meant that he was eating well again. "Can't get enough of 'em, apparently."

"I might start to think you're a masochist if you're not careful."

"Hey, you know my preferences." Logan muttered, reaching for their drink that had just arrived, putting a straw on either side.

Wade instantly took a drink from it, moaning at the taste. Logan shuddered, crossing his legs.

"You haven't done any experimenting over the years? Haven't tried anything new? I'm actually a little disappointed in you, Wolvie."

"Not really, no. I've had enough excitement for one life." He sighed, taking a sip of their drink. It was delicious. Probably not loud-moan-worthy, but good.

"Yeah, but that's mostly bad excitement." Wade argued. "You need some good excitement to balance things out, otherwise you'll get all grumpy and miserable. …Grumpier and miserable."

"Surprised you didn't try to hit me with 'miserabler'." He took another sip.

"You don't seem miserable anymore. Things are looking up, right? Honest work you like, friends, and a daughter that your entire existence revolves around now. You're not miserable anymore. Depressed? Probably. Traumatized? Absolutely. But not miserable." Wade had a compassion and longing in his eyes that made Logan ache. He thought about Wade's little speech. It was true. He wasn't miserable anymore. He'd been that way for so many years that he was surprised he hadn't noticed the change within himself, but there it was, clear as day. No need to pull himself out from the bottom of a bottle just to go for a smoke. No nightmares every night. No dreading waking up in the morning. 

"Tch, yeah. Guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right! I may be an idiot, but I'm not stupid." Wade sipped from the drink and had a more casual reaction this time around. "I might not have seen you at your lowest, I'm guessing that happened a long time ago, cue the painful and traumatic flashback, but I've seen you low, and I've seen you high. You're higher now than you ever were overseas." His energy waned. "You've gotten to a good place, and you deserve it. I'm happy for you."

His sudden change in demeanor was worrisome for Logan. "...Don't tell me you don't think you deserve it." If anyone deserved it, it was Wade. A man who’d been fucked over six ways from Sunday by everyone he’d ever met. At least Logan had been lucky enough to get out of there on his own. Wade had spent years and years in that indoctrination machine. 

"I've got the life I've made for myself." Wade answered. It made Logan absolutely certain he did think that way. But two could play that game.

"Okay. Then tell me about the life you've made for yourself." Logan's eyes narrowed.

Wade shrugged. "I'm an open book, Logie Bear. Tell me what you wanna know and I'll start there."

"Okay." Logan turned his head to the side, popping his neck. "You mentioned a fiancé earlier. What happened with them?"

"Well, we got engaged not long before I shipped out the last time, and y'know, I ended up coming home early and not exactly ready for a wedding. So we postponed that for a while. She was great, though. She was perfect..." Wade's voice trailed off. It was clear he was thinking of something, but what, Logan hadn't the faintest idea. "But I wasn't the same, and I had some health issues come up not long after that, and I didn't want her to see me in that position, so I broke it off. We're still friends, I see her every weekend. I've actually met her new boyfriend, and he's... fine. Normal. She's my best friend, actually."

Logan got the distinct feeling that there was something Wade was talking around, but he hoped they would get there eventually. "Take it you were a bit traumatized by whatever happened to you that hurt you so bad." He offers.

"Yeah, just a bit. Turns out that being blown up changes a person, who'da thunk?" Wade swallowed, his eyes far away. "Anyways, I wasn't the person she signed up to marry, I was trying to adjust to seeing this shit in the mirror, and I didn't know what I was going to do with my life at that point, so it was the right call."

Logan sniffed. "That's some real shit. I'm sorry that happened to you."

Wade took another sip of their drink. "It is what it is. No point in getting upset about it."

"Yeah, I guess. How long ago was all that?"

"We broke up a little over three years ago." Wade's voice was hollow, haunted.

"Hey. What's wrong." Logan reached to hold Wade's hand, but Wade immediately pulled it away. That stung.

"Nothing's wrong." He looked up at Logan with a cheery smile, but it, too, was hollow.

"Somehow, I don't believe you." Logan crossed his arms. "Why can't I hold your hand? You love it when I hold your hand."

Wade shook his head, gently worrying his lip. "It won't feel right."

"Why the hell not, Wilson?"

"Why the fuck do you think?" Wade's voice was harsh, which he seemed to realize. He looked away. "It's not personal, Logan."

"Of course it's fuckin' personal." Logan glanced around to ensure nobody was listening in on their conversation. "My ex won't let me hold his hand."

It wasn’t like Wade to reject his advances. Especially not to something as simple and sweet as holding hands. He must think he’s lower than low to not want that.

Wade immediately looked at Logan with a look he couldn’t even hope to translate. “And you can’t think of a single impersonal reason for why I might not want that? You’re a smart cookie, Wolvie, you’ll figure it out. Just put on your big boy thinking cap.”

If they’d still been in the military, Logan would have punched him in the teeth for that one. He hated when people were condescending to him, especially when they were implying he was an idiot. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t pick up on the clues other people were putting down. For him, a conversation was just talking, not whatever mind games normal people decided they needed to be. No, he couldn’t figure out the meaning behind the words. If they wanted him to know what they meant, they should have said what they meant in the first place.

His face turned to its usual snarl as he crossed his arms. He could feel the hairs on his arms bristle as he did. “Believe it or not, no, I can’t.”

Wade sighed, looking like the breath he took in afterwards was the only thing giving him strength. “When I said it doesn’t feel right, I wasn’t talking about the moment, Sugar Plum.” His scars glinted in the dim light of the bar and Logan suddenly understood what Wade was going for. It was fucking moronic, but he was going for it. That Logan wouldn’t want to hold his hand because of the scars.

Or, at least, that was probably what he meant. Social cues were his nemesis.

“I have scars too, Wade. I know how they feel.” He ran the fingertips of his left hand over the skin between his fingers, down between the knuckles. They were scarred and nicked, hard and lumpy from the dozens of injuries he’d gotten after years of hand-to-hand combat, dirty work, and generally getting himself into scraps. “So let me feel them.”

Wade wasn’t looking at him, just staring at his own hand as he placed it carefully on the wood of the bar, like it would explode or something. Logan carefully ran his fingers along the back of Wade’s scarred hand. He couldn’t imagine the level of pain Wade had to have felt to have gotten such scarring all over his upper body. He could only hope the injuries hadn’t extended down farther than that, but knowing their luck, it likely had. He winced at the thought, closing his eyes to try and shut out the idea of it, running his thumb in a circle on the back of Wade’s hand to comfort himself as much as the other man. “How does it make you feel?”

He was asking half about the feeling of just having his scars touched, and half how Wade felt about Logan holding his hand again. Wade was staring at their hands, as was Logan. 

“Like I’ve got my own walking space heater.” His mouth crooked into a small, shy smile.

Logan laughed. “See, I told you. I know how scars feel. You’re still the same you. I’m still the same me. We’re just older and have the gray hair and scars to prove it.” If Wade hadn’t been so hesitant to be just touched by Logan, he would’ve been tempted to kiss him on the cheek. Instead, he gave the facial hair on the right side of his face a pointed frown, as it was going gray faster than the left. 

“You have the gray hair. I’m good. You’re just old as balls.”

Even though it was objectively true, it still stung a little to hear. Logan scoffed. “Damn. Let me know when it’s 7, it’s bingo night at the senior citizens…” Suddenly, his mind went entirely blank. It was a pretty common occurrence, always had been, but it’s much more prominent when he’s having a conversation with someone like Wade, someone so quick on his feet. Always with some pithy comeback. “Old person’s home? Sorry, I suddenly have dementia.”

“It’s okay, old man, I’ll just call your caretaker and they can bring you back. You’ll be fine.” Wade’s tone was lightly mocking and sickly sweet.

“Oh, good. Make sure they bring my walker, my back ain’t what it used to be.” He held the bottom of his back, stretching a little until he felt a comfortable pop, and downed the rest of their drink.

Wade laughed raucously at what was, to be honest, a fairly unfunny joke. Logan had been told time and time again that if someone laughed at your bad jokes it meant they were into you. He’d certainly laughed at his own fair share of comedy bombs over the years. The thought made him smile a little to himself.

Wade clapped his hands together. “What do you want for the next round?”

“Surprise me.” Logan shrugged. He was maybe the furthest anyone could get from the adventurous type. He drank beer and whiskey when it was alcohol, water and now apple juice when it wasn’t. He wasn’t well versed in anything Wade would drink, let alone what he would order for him. “Somethin’ tasty. Maybe a little fruity.”

The word ‘fruity’ was said in passing with the distinct knowledge that he was setting Wade up for a gay joke. He wanted to hear just what he would say. This was the part of their romps back in the military that he enjoyed the most: their stupid banter. The time killer that really lightened the mood of even their darkest days. 

“Sorry to break it to you, gramps, but I’m not on the menu.” Wade smirked at him, shifting into yet another seductive pose just for him. “Not yet, at least.” He winked, then turned to lean far over the bartop to order whatever drinks they were gonna get. Logan couldn’t help but stare at him, still the same Wade that made him feel just as crazy as he had all that time ago. He drank in every detail while Wade wasn’t looking and flushed a deep red when Wade turned around and caught him staring. Awkwardly he rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling. 

“I was gonna say, you sure are acting like it.” He cleared his throat. “I see you take your secrecy very seriously,” he nods towards the bartender, whose ear Wade had whispered into, covering his mouth with one scarred hand. “I like a guy who can keep things quiet.”

It was most certainly true. The two of them had lived their lives in secret, and there was a lot of shit that they were gonna have to keep to themselves for as long as they lived. He wasn’t proud of what he’d done, and what he wouldn’t be able to tell his daughter even when she’d grown up. He needed someone who could understand that. The more he considers the possibility of spending a future with someone, the more Logan realizes it’s going to have to be someone like Wade.

“Then you probably don’t wanna talk to drunk me. That guy’s quite a blabbermouth.” Wade bragged. “He’ll be telling you all sorts of secrets the government wants quiet.”

Okay, so maybe not. He raised a curious eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“Yup.” Wade grinned. “Serves them right.”

Logan wasn’t really able to keep tabs on Stryker as much as he would’ve. For years, he’d wondered what kinds of atrocities he was getting away with, what pies his grubby little hands had made their way into. There was no news on him, obviously. No one came to try and kill him. No one ever updated him on what happened to the men he’d spent so many years with. But one night, on the news, there had been a story that someone had managed to leak classified government documents relating to an underground ring of assassins working for their own agenda right under the noses of a few powerful politicians and military men, including one Colonel William Stryker. He’d been sent to high security prison with no possibility of parole.

And now Logan knew for a fact that Wade had been the leak.

“You’re absolutely fuckin’ right, it does.”

And just like that, the topics they were allowed to talk about in public had died out. If Logan had a drink he would sip it, but the bartender was seemingly just almost done. Tantalizingly close, but no. He would have to claw his way out of this conversation. 

“Tell me. What were you actually going to get at the grocery store? I kinda interrupted that whole trip, I assume.” Logan attempted, as the bartender handed him his drink just a moment too late. It looked delicious, like the sun right at sunset, and Logan realized with a start that he actually knew what this drink was. He rolled his eyes at the realization that Wade had ordered him a virgin Sex on the Beach. He takes a sip and closes his eyes with delight at the delightfully sweet and fruity drink that he knew he was going to have to try again sometime.

“Margarita mix, tequila, and whatever snacks sounded good.” Wade stated offhandedly as he sipped on his own drink, what looked to be something strawberry-ish. That wasn’t really something for a party, unless it was a party of one. 

“That sounds like a very lonely Christmas Eve. Were you gonna spend Christmas alone? I know you’re not religious at all, but, don’t you love holidays?” The thought of Wade spending Christmas by himself, with only a margarita to call his own, made Logan feel hollow and cold. He of all people should be surrounded by everyone he loved, in a room decorated to the nines and beyond, incorporating all the dumb traditions he’d learned over the years.

“I like celebrating,” Wade corrected. “There’s a bit of a difference there. And yeah, I didn’t have any plans this year.” He continued, taking a nonchalant sip of his drink. “Vanessa’s spending Christmas with her new boyfriend and his family, most of my friends have families of their own to spend today and tomorrow with, and my roommate Blind Al’s on vacation in Florida or something. I already celebrated with everyone a couple weeks ago, though.”

Logan was going to move right on past Blind Al and how weird of a nickname that was, and reach for Wade’s hand. “Wade. You can’t spend Christmas alone. You absolutely can’t. You’re the kind of guy who needs to be able to sit down and open presents and watch those shitty, stupid movies you like so much, and drink hot chocolate and walk around and look at everyone’s Christmas lights so you can judge them. You need this.” 

Maybe it was just him projecting what he wanted onto Wade. But they had spent countless hours talking about what they would do if they were home for various holidays, and Logan hadn’t let himself forget a single one. He’d never really dreamed of a life for himself before going into the military, or even until he had Laura, so the thought of wanting a better life for yourself wasn’t really something that came naturally to him. But for Wade? He had dreams of great things. Fantastic things. It made Logan want to start dreaming.

“I’m fine, Peanut. Like I said, I already celebrated this year. It’s not like I’m celebrating for religious reasons, I just like the food, presents, and company.” Wade gave his hand a faint squeeze. “I’m alright.”

Logan shakes his head, looking into Wade’s wide brown eyes. “Then you deserve to have food, presents, and company. C’mon, Wade. Be nice to yourself.”

“I’m pretty sure I just explained why I’m spending the day alone this year.” Wade’s eyes narrowed, and his hands grew more animated as he explained again. “It’s not like I’m just going to crash Ness’ Christmas with her boyfriend, and joining Al in Florida isn’t gonna be happening by tomorrow.”

Oh, that wasn’t really what he’d been thinking at all. “Spend it with me, Babe.” He runs a thumb down Wade’s hand before realizing what he’d just said. “Wade, I mean. Shit.” He flushed a deep red. Emotional honesty was something he’d been working very hard on for his daughter, but that didn’t mean this came easy. That little Freudian slip betrayed just how much he wanted this.

“Don’t you already have plans, big guy?” Wade flashed him an incredulous smile. “And a daughter? I can’t. Thank you, it really means a lot, but I can’t.”

“Why can’t you? My plans are to have a Christmas party with all the people I care about. Now that I know you’re out from under Stryker’s thumb, you’re one of those people.” 

Wade shook his head. “We just reconnected for the first time in twelve years less than an hour ago, and you’re inviting me over for Christmas because you don’t want me to be alone.” He laughed with little humor. “Can you just drop it? Please?”

Logan gritted his teeth, forcing out the next words. “I don’t see the problem.” There was something Wade was keeping from him, probably. Some social situation he wasn’t reading right, as always. “There’s obviously still something there, Wade. We never had the chance to just be what we were in special forces. Now we do.”

Wade took several sips of his drink. “Then get to know me before bringing me home to meet your daughter and friends. Make an effort to call me after tonight, tell me you wanna hang out sometime.”

A thought suddenly crossed Logan’s mind, and he blurted it out before he could think better of it. “I’m not desperate. This isn’t just me wanting a quick thing. This is me realizing how much I’ve missed you. You were the only good thing that ever happened to me for so damn long.”

Wade nearly finished his drink. His voice was clipped and sweet with an obvious edge. “Logan, drop it. Tell me more about the school you work at.”

Yeah, Logan was a dumb son of a bitch. He’d let himself get excited and now his heart was going to break. He saw a future and a Christmas and reconnecting with this guy he really cared about, who he thought really cared about him, who he thought the spark hadn’t died with, but clearly it had, and he needed to back the fuck off. When Logan fell, he fell hard, and Jean and Scott had taught him a lot about stopping when he knew he didn’t have a chance. It was all he could do to hold onto years of therapy and know that he wasn’t a bad person for loving to keep himself from bursting into tears right then and there.

He took a long sip of his drink, simultaneously glad and furious that it had no alcohol. “It’s a school for children with various disabilities. It’s private, and most of the kids stay there overnight. It’s really nice. Small, but we’re looking to add more people to the team. Maybe add some cool electives.” 

“That sounds like a great place.” Wade stated, signaling for the bartender again. Logan looked away, taking a few deep breaths. 

“It really is. Laura could go there if she really wanted, but she’s pretty happy with her school so far.” If it weren’t so socially unacceptable, Logan would lay his head on the bar.

Well, if he were tall enough to reach it.

“Well, that’s really good. That she’s happy where she is, and that she has somewhere she can go if she needs help. Not enough kids get that kinda opportunity.” Wade ordered another drink.

A thought struck Logan. “Do you wish you’d been given that opportunity?” He knew for a fact he heard a wistful tone in Wade’s voice, though for what he had no clue. 

“What do you mean?”

Logan shrugged, finally bringing his gaze back near to where Wade was, still unable to quite look at him. “I’ve worked with a lot of kids with ADHD, and they struggle hard with regular school. The school system bulldozes them either into twice exceptional kids or they call them a failure for not being able to pay attention.” Sure, he sounded like a preachy teacher, but it was literally his job. He cared a lot about the failures of the school system. 

Wade’s face scrunched up with confusion. “Well that really sucks for them, but where do I fit in there?”

Ah, so he had no idea. “Well, let’s see. You have trouble paying attention. You get sucked into interesting tasks for hours on end, forgetting to eat or drink. You’re shit at time management. I’ve seen you look at your watch four times and still forget what time it is. Any room you’ve been in looks like a tornado went through. You absolutely can’t pay attention in long briefings but excel at short ones. Can’t keep your mouth shut. And your mind makes connections no one else’s does. That sounds pretty damn ADHD to me.” He took a triumphant sip of his mocktail. 

Wade’s eyes were wide. “Huh. I can’t disagree with any of that.”

“So. I think that maybe. If you’d gone to a better school, or one that knew how to deal with a student like you, maybe you wouldn’t have had to go military.”

Immediately, Wade shook his head. “Probably not. I didn’t have many options, and not just because of grades. What about you?”

Logan cleared his throat. “Probably autistic.” Wade was asking about the military and school, probably, but it was worth saying anyway. “School was shit. Military was my way out of my family situation, I dunno if school being better would’ve helped or not. It wouldn’t have killed my self-esteem as much, I think.” He shrugged. 

The two of them probably would have never met, but you never know. Despite Canada being fucking huge, there weren’t that many places that people actually lived. If Logan had grown up normal, just gone to school for something and become an art history major or whatever, maybe they would have crossed each other on the street. Wade would make a joke about how short he was, Logan would punch him square in the nose, and then would feel bad and bring Wade to the hospital. They could have fallen in love. Raised Laura as their daughter. Gotten married. But no. They both saw no hope in anything other than the military path. What a pity. 

“To shitty childhoods.” Wade raised his glass.

“To shitty childhoods.” Logan agreed, clinking their glasses together. He glanced over at the door, ready to get Wade’s number and spend Christmas Eve with someone who actually wanted to spend time with him, no matter how sad telling Wade goodbye would be. He was broken from that thought by a sudden confession.

“I’m not a good person.” Wade’s face turned red.

… Obviously?

“Of course you’re not. Neither am I. That’s why we met, we were fucking awful people. But you can be a good person now.”

Wade glanced away. “What makes you so sure?”

“Because I was able to get out. If I can be a good person, so can you.”

The other man just nodded thoughtfully. “You’ve got a lotta faith in me.”

Again, obviously. “Well… yeah. I do. Don’t see a reason why I shouldn’t.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Wade finished his drink.

“Yeah, good. I know there's a good guy in you somewhere, Wade. You just never had the chance to be one.”

It was the kind of thing some actor would say in a big budget movie, with a swell of dramatic music, probably flashed back to in a time of great need. But it was true. Wade was a good guy, for the most part. Compassionate and obsessive about the people he cared about.

“And you're willing to bet on that?” 

“You already proved you're looking out for me and Laura. Even when you thought the conversation was gonna end with you getting a bag of chips and spending Christmas alone.”

Wade shook his head. “Laura's a kid. She doesn't deserve to get caught up in anyone else's messes. That doesn't say I'm a good person, it just means I'm not a monster.”

“Fair enough point. But I don't think I'm misremembering the times when we talked for hours about what we've done. Cried for lives we've ended. Wished for a life that was anything but this and cursed whatever circumstance had brought us to this place. You've done terrible things, but your hand was forced.” 

Wade looked away. “Well, someone's certainly found the bright side of life in the last decade.”

Well, that much was true. Now that he had a life worth living, and people in his life worth loving, it was hard not to think that maybe life was good sometimes and maybe forgiveness was necessary. “You say that like it's a bad thing. My trust still doesn't come easy. You've earned it.” 

“I’d better have earned your trust by now. I've saved your ass how many times?” Wade gave him a challenging look.

“Too many. Surprised I ever made it out of there.” Logan lifted his arms above his head, clasping his hands together and pulling, stretching his muscles as he closed his eyes. “Seriously. Come home with me. Spend Christmas with someone you care about.” 

“... You're not going to take ‘no’ for an answer, are you?” 

“When have I ever?” Logan pointed out. Though, given the way that sounded, he quickly corrected himself. “If it's somethin’ you're not comfortable with, I can stop pushing. I just miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” Wade fired back immediately. “You’re sure you’ve thought it through?

Well, no, he hadn’t. Not really. Wade was someone he knew from long ago, was still attracted to, and wanted to have a good time with. But at the same time, there was probably something more to them that he hadn’t been imagining. All the nights spent fantasizing about things they would do if they could live a real life together weren’t just an exercise in escaping misery, were they? “Do I ever?”

“More than I do. Being on the opposite end of it is weird.” Wade gave him a faint smile. 

Oh, that definitely wasn’t true. He’d seen enough exceptionally detailed plans drawn in shitty cartoon crayon to know that Wade planned things meticulously. But he wasn’t going to argue that one, it wasn’t worth it.

Logan swallowed. “Yeah, I guess. And you can walk away and spend your Christmas alone, I won’t make you do anything.”

“Who are you spending Christmas with?” Wade asked, rather than actually answering whether or not he wanted to go. Still, it sounded like he was at least considering it, which brightened Logan’s mood considerably. “Other than your daughter?”

“Laura and some people from work.” He said, interrupting Wade’s clarification. “There’ll be roughly 10 people.” 

“And I’m guessing none of them know anything about your military service?”

Yeah, that was a pretty fair question. It would be a severely limiting factor of conversation at the very least, and at most could end up putting them in a rather compromising position. The only two who knew for sure that Logan had been in the military for a while were Charles and Erik. As Erik was the one who had rescued him from the bottom of the barrel, he also happened to be privy to a few of the details of how Logan got there in the first place. But he didn’t know everything.

“Two of them do. One of them knows some details.”

 “Is there anything I should know about any of them?”

Logan pondered that question for a while. “Most of ‘em are normal. Average, everyday people. Erik is the one from our line of work. He takes an even longer time to trust people than you and I.”

“So don’t try too hard to get on anyone’s good side, got it.”

Maybe that line of thinking made sense to Wade, but Logan felt like he’d missed a step or two in there. Instead of voicing his concerns, though, he smiled. “I don’t know if you’re capable of trying to get on anyone’s good side. You’re either a person people are gonna like or someone they won’t.” If there’s one thing Wade was, it was divisive. People had said the same thing about Logan, back in the day, but he didn’t know if he was divisive as much as he was an acquired taste akin to cigars. Something you really shouldn’t get to liking, and once you did, you liked it secretly forever.

“But I could try. And I’d probably be good at it if I did. I’m a fucking delight.”

Logan couldn’t help but smile. “You really are. Is the tab settled?”

“It’s about to be.” Wade pulled out a sleek black wallet, clearly trying to hide something inside it from Logan. It was none of his business, so he didn’t look. His internal alarm of ‘I haven’t seen Laura in a while, is she gonna be okay’ had started to go off, so he was more than ready to leave. 

“Alright. I’ll be waiting in the truck, okay?”

With that, Logan hopped down from the barstool, adjusting his jacket and rolling his neck again. He cracked his knuckles before he stepped into the cold winter air, now thick with snow. He was a hundred percent certain that he would never see Wade again. The conversation and the drinks had been fantastic for Logan, but Wade had probably only been giving him the time of day so he could turn around later and joke about it with his friends, he knew it. The longer it took Wade to step outside, the more certain of that fact he was. Logan wasn’t a guy anyone would want to be with, let alone a guy like Wade who could charm his way into having anybody he wanted. Any second now, he would realize what a mistake he’d made in letting Logan approach him and he would come back to the truck and say so long, sucker, talk to you never.

The self loathing spiral didn’t really end when Wade walked out of the bar, pulling his jacket tight to himself, and dashed over to the truck. Logan started it up, turning the heat on all the way. 

“God, I hate the cold.” 

Logan shrugged. He’d once ran buck naked in the snow on a dare. “And yet you came back here where it snows. Smart move, Wilson. So what’s your plan here?”

“To go home with you.” Wade leaned back in his seat, giving Logan a smoldering, confident look that looked so very comfortable on him. He was kneading his fingers for warmth, and he was the hottest thing Logan had ever seen. They were definitely seeing some action tonight. But Logan wanted more than just one last night with Wade Winston Wilson.

“And after Christmas?” He can feel his voice quiver just the smallest amount.

“I don’t have any plans until New Year’s Eve.”

Of all the holidays, New Year’s Eve had to be Logan’s least favorite, but the thought of spending it with Wade made it sound positively heavenly. Despite the fact that he seemed already to have plans to the contrary. 

“And after New Year’s Eve?” Logan asked, his voice soft and hopeful.

“I don’t know, but there’s this guy I’m hoping to start seeing, so maybe I’ll do something with him.”

“Oh.” Of fucking course. Wade would never wanna be with a guy like him, not in a million years, not when there was anyone else on earth he could be with. Logan was just some washed up single father with terrible joints who was going gray, was way too short, was sentimental about something that had clearly only been in the past — “You didn’t tell me about that. Who is he?”

Wade shook his head ever so slightly. “You, Peanut. The guy’s you.”

“…Oh.” Well. Looks like what Logan needed for Christmas was an appointment with his ever-suffering therapist to talk about his nonexistent self-esteem. He smiled sheepishly. “You do? You wanna see me?” He could feel the warmth in his racing heart outpacing the heater in his truck, and he turned it down. 

“Yeah.” Wade grinned brightly. “If you wanna see me too.”

Logan felt like he’d turned red from the tops of his ears to the tips of his toes. “Of course I do.” He picked up Wade’s hand, kissing his knuckles gently. “I want that more than anything.”

Wade’s smile faltered. “Logan, there’s something I need to tell you…”

Oh, God.

Logan frowned, his joy instantly overtaken by fear. Wade sounded serious. He never sounded serious. “What’s wrong?”

“I…” Wade tilted his head, as if a different angle would force the words out. “This is a lot harder to say than I thought it would be.”

He has a boyfriend. He has a wife. He’s here to kill Logan. He has Laura hostage. He has days to live. He invested in a scam and is just here to ask for money. He’s just a clone that looks like Wade. No, he’s just some pedestrian copying Wade’s mannerisms and is going along with a very long bit. The possibilities and fears were endless.

Logan squeezed Wade’s hand, holding it to his mouth. “You can tell me.”

“Okay, here it goes…” He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Eventually Wade choked out a quiet, “I’m not a virgin.”

Logan sighed heavily, feeling light headed at the rush of relief. “You dumb motherfucker, I thought you were gonna tell me you were secretly married or were here to kill me or something.”

“Nope, no secret families for me. Just you.”

“Just me.” Logan smiled. Wade may be a chronic and compulsive liar, but this was something he knew in his heart that he wasn’t lying about. Wade was just his, and he was just Wade’s. What a beautiful thing that was. “But,” he said, knowing something still didn’t feel right, “was there anything you actually needed to tell me? You sounded way more serious than normal.”  

“Yeah. There is.” Wade pulled his hand back from Logan’s grasp, closing his eyes as he rubbed the back of his hand with a thumb. “I’ve got cancer.”

Logan’s heart skipped a beat. Of all the cruelest of jokes anyone could have played, this might be the worst. But he trusted Wade more than that, so that meant it had to be real. “You… tell me you’re not fucking with me. That would be way too far, even for you.” 

“I’m not.”

“What kind?” Logan was struck with the realization that perhaps there was, indeed, a downside to rushing so blindly into relationships.

“Prostate. And it spread to my lungs before I got diagnosed.”

Logan took a deep breath in to try and calm himself. “...Shit, Wade. Are you in treatment? Are you okay?”

Wade nodded, though he wasn’t looking at Logan. “Yeah, and I have been for a while. “I got the diagnosis years ago and I’ve already surpassed expectations. I’m still alive and they gave me a year max when I got the news, so there’s that. I’m in remission now.” 

Well, that was good, at least. For a moment, everything he’d been hoping for had died. Now, there was a flicker of hope.

Logan needed comfort. He grabbed Wade’s hand, placing it on top of his cheek, and putting his hand on top of Wade’s. “That’s good. You could still die, but so can anyone. Now you might just get sick instead of getting shot.”

“Exactly.” Wade nodded. “There’s hope.”

“I… I really want to spend my life with you, Wade. I wanna do things right by you. I wanna pretend we met like normal people and be a little family. To spend hours debating what color paint to put on the walls or what restaurant to go to for dinner. Let’s raise my daughter and have slow Saturday mornings with pancakes and eggs. Let’s go to stupid parent-teacher meetings and actually pay attention to how she’s doing in school. Let’s surprise her with a build your own ice cream station even though the dishes will be a nightmare. Come live your life with me.”

There had been a night a couple years into their relationship that Logan couldn’t sleep, and he was holding Wade who had stopped talking a half-hour before. He wasn’t really one to do that, so Logan could only assume he was asleep. And he’d let his mind wander. He whispered into Wade’s ear stories of what they would do together if they had been normal and met in a normal way. That they would go on dates to the bookstore or somewhere quiet, and they would come home to make pizzas together with whatever stupid toppings Wade decided went on them. That they would own chickens and harvest their eggs every morning and set them to coop every evening. They would have a DVD collection of hundreds and hundreds of movies, with Wade knowing quotes from every single one of them. Maybe one day they’d watch one that he knew every word to and Logan had never seen before, and they would laugh about it together.

Maybe they’d go to a history museum someday and Logan would be able to tell Wade all sorts of things he learned and then forgot in school because he wasn’t paying attention. They would go to a park and feed the ducks peas because they can’t digest bread, and Logan would teach him about all sorts of flora and fauna native to the area. They would hold hands and just sit and chatter. 

That one-sided conversation had probably lasted an hour, or as long as Logan could keep thinking of things. The longer he talked, the more he lulled himself to sleep, his brain finally at peace. He’d meant everything he said. Even if Wade was asleep, even if he himself could hardly remember it and it felt like a dream recalling it now, that was what he wanted. Desperately. 

“Warm breakfast on the weekends, slow dancing in the kitchen, sleeping in as late as the kid allows and waking up to sleepy kisses… you want that?”

God, that sounded beautiful. “It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Wade’s fingers gently moved down Logan’s cheek. “Me too.” He whispered.

Logan smiled, ever so slowly moving to give Wade a soft kiss to the lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Wade whispered back, giving Logan a kiss that was equally gentle. It was something they had never said to one another, but it had been something they needed to say for a long while. The two of them had been through hell together, and never had the chance to say how much they cared for one another. Now they finally, finally did. 

Logan couldn’t wipe a smile from his face. “We’re gonna have to introduce you to Laura. What am I gonna call you? My friend? Old friend? Boyfriend? Partner?” He laughed a little. “I don’t think lover is gonna be the right word.”

Wade seemed to be thinking hard for once. “What do you want to introduce me as?”

His. This is his friend, his Wade, his guy. His old flame he found at a grocery store. The man he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Objectively it was too fast to be proposing, but they could consider their three years together as the pre-proposal required time, couldn’t they? “I just want her to like you. And I want you to stick around.” He reached for Wade’s hands. “How does husband sound.”

Wade’s eyes shone with a brilliant, gleaming joy that Logan hoped he could see every day until the end of time. “I think it sounds perfect.”

Logan planted a kiss on Wade’s knuckles. “Obviously we can’t get married tonight. Maybe in January?” 

“Early January.” Wade agreed. His face was turning a slight red, and Logan bit his lower lip at the sight of him. This was going to be his husband. Very, very soon. They were going to have the life they had dreamed of, all those years ago. “Just long enough for us to get used to each other again.”

“And we can see if we can actually work outside of Stryker’s purview.” 

“We can.” Wade stated immediately. 

Logan pressed their foreheads together, smiling. “Well then, let’s go home.”

“Let’s fucking go.”