Archive of Our Own

Thanks to the efforts of the Resistance— the Restoration— Whoever they are; the world is seeming a little brighter. Even brighter now that winter has climbed over the horizon, leaving blankets of pure white that sparkles and glitters in the warm sun. It doesn't seem to ever melt, only lessen; major cities and civilizations see little mud and grime. Most other areas only ice over; Green Hill looks especially frosty this time of year, even as winter slips into its last remnants.

This is all to say Shadow loves winter. He loves these icy things about it; he cherishes the changing of the seasons, and admittedly, the enthusiasm of festivity is... Comforting. 

Rouge invited him, but it was Amy who really convinced him to at least peek at the New Year's Eve party the Restoration is throwing for teammates and allies alike. Beneath Emeraldville Ruins, Shadow finds himself in the Restoration HQ for only his umpteenth time. He's unfamiliar with the layout, but there's little way to get lost by tell of the crowd. He's impressed by the size, but for a moment, he's reminded of the ARK. Solid walls. Tucked away. Underground, in outer space; it makes no difference. Isolated.

He's considering leaving when the familiar pink hedgehog spots him. He wants to slide away, but she's sliding her arms around him before he can. 

"Shadow!" He's surprised she didn't mistake him for Sonic again.

"Amy," he says as he lifts a placating arm around her, his voice hoarse. He feels like he's barely spoken in days.

"I'm so glad you came!" She pulls back, and so Shadow retracts his arm. His fur feels bristled where it touched her. Physical connection is still difficult. He tries not to grimace, instead managing a slight smile. He can't help the way his eyes hood, irritated and blasé, but Amy never seems offput by his bitter outward appearances. "Nobody believed me when I said you were coming-"

"Perhaps that's for the best." Ruby red eyes flicker deft toward the exit, then back over the crowds at the bottom of the escalator-esque stairs. If he knew what a mall was, he'd think the HQ looked like one. "I should probably-"

"You're not leaving now, mister!" Her voice is so shrill when she's being bossy. Shadow blinks at her, but she's already wrapping her hands around his forearm—his fur prickles—and she's marching them onward, down toward, and through the commotion. The meat of the party is here, down with the tables and drinks and- is that a live band? Shadow's eyes drag unremarkably around the faces- Tails and Knuckles are talking aside, that strange girl with the long tail and her girlfriend that barely speaks are dancing in front of the band, Silver-

Damn. Even Silver is here.

As Amy is marching him, talking about something in his ear, Shadow catches a glimpse of Sonic. He's turned profile, leaned against a support pillar with one arm over his head and a drink in his other hand and he's got a lazy grin on his face while he talks to- Shadow doesn't remember who that is- a purple reptile?

Sonic's eyes dart sidelong, greeting red with green. His smirk stretches. His eyes fall back ahead.

Shadow swallows thickly, wants to grumble, but turns his eyes back ahead only for Amy to pull him back- he'd almost walked into the bar.

"Jeez, are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry..."

A gloved hand is placing a red solo cup in his own paws. He looks at the dark, brownish red liquid inside. It shines the same color as a ruddied chaos emerald. He looks back up at the Restoration leader. "This is...?"

"Jungle juice. Knuckles made it. I didn't ask what was in it because I didn't want to know..." She smiles and it's soft and cheery and rosy. Shadow blinks. He sees a glimpse of a girl he knew once, a long time ago. He thinks he hates how he sees her in everything. "...but it tastes like fruit punch and has a wicked kick! it should help loosen you up."

Shadow tilts his head, eyes squinting slightly. "Do I need... loosening?" 

Amy giggles and he feels almost hurt until she touches his shoulder, her other hand to her mouth. Her laugh is soft and cute so he can't be all mad, but he's still a little irked anyway. He can't help the gnaw at his bones. "Maybe a little. You're always so tense."

"My world is always collapsing around me, it seems," Shadow says a little too seriously, eyes locked on the drink in his hand. He doesn't want to see how the pink hedgehog receives his words. "Forgive me if years of hardship have left me hardened."

A beat.

"If there's anything to be forgiven, consider it forgiven and forgotten." She's smiling again and it's too bright to look at. Shadow keeps his eyes on the liquid in his cup. "We're happy to share your hardships, as well as your victories. We're all friends."

Shadow's eyes flicker in his direction.

"Well. We hope you consider us friends."

Shadow knocks the cup back; he doesn't let himself taste it until it's already in his stomach. Instead of giving some sort of definitive, he hisses. "I don't want to know what's in this either."

Amy laughs again, airy and light. 

"What's so funny over here?"

An arm around his shoulders displaces him, but he makes a point of not stumbling. He hates to admit that he feels a swell of relief as soon as he knows it's- "Rouge."

"Hey, my buddy." She's drunk. Her breath reeks of the juice they're drinking, and he can tell by the way she presses her bosom against his arm that she wants attention, affection. "I haven't seen you in a few days. You been okay?"

"I've been..." He drinks again from his juice. "Ruminating."

"Brooding," Rouge corrects, pointing the finger on the arm wrapped around him at Amy, who looks a little awkward now. She's still smiling though. "He's been brooding. That's all he does."

It kind of stings so he drinks again. Amy says something, but it's distant and fuzzy. Rouge moves against him, yaps and wags her finger and squishes herself closer as her voice escalates.

Before he realizes, his cup is empty. 

"Amy." He cuts in and Rouge seems a little annoyed that he's interrupted her, but when he holds out his cup slightly and says, "Where is the jungle juice?" Rouge laughs excitedly and finally falls away from the dark hedgehog. She claps her hands and does a little jump. 

"Oh, Shadow's drinking with us!"

Too loud. Shadow's eyes flutter around the area and it suddenly feels too big and too small at once. He catches a glimpse of blue. He can't bring himself to search the color; he snaps his eyes back to Rouge. "I've drank with you before."

"Yeaaah," Rouge whines a little as she waves him off, smirking. "But when we drink together it's just sad. This is fun!"

Shadow tilts his head, confused. "I am not sad when we are drinking together."

The bat flushes a little, blinking. "O-oh!" Her gloved hand falls over her chest and she smiles, sinking back into her carefree attitude. "You always get so quiet, I figured we were wallowing together."

Shadow is silent for a moment, and then Amy has returned again with a full cup. He thanks her, sips from it, then replies very sullenly, "Well, I can wallow and be happy by your side regardless."

"Awwww!" Amy and Rouge harmonize and Shadow feels his face warm. 

"Forget I said anything!" and he marches past them, leaving them giggling together near the bar. He drinks deeply from his cup and ignores the eyes he feels on him—tries not to hope that they're green and brilliant—and stalks pointedly slowly to a different support pillar to lean against. As soon as he does, he feels a sense of dread and misery and he buries it in his drink. He tries not to think about how hard this is, about how he'd much rather be alone to usher in the New Year. 

Another shitty year of. What? 

Heart pounding in his chest, his eyes roam briefly.

He finds Sonic already looking at him.

Though he wants to look away, he doesn't, because he's not a fucking pussy. He glares back at the gaze that's found him through the crowd of allies. Shadow feels a bit of reluctant triumph when the blue hedgehog is the first to look away, but it leaves an icy smoke rising from his chest. He inhales, exhales, closes his eyes and tries to listen to the band playing toward his left, center back of the large recreational hall. He manages to focus on his breathing for the majority of a song, and as it fades to an end, he slides his eyes open again-

To find brilliant green emeralds staring at him over his red solo cup.

Shadow frowns, blinks, tilts his head. "What?"

Sonic straightens, grinning, and flamboyantly gestures with his hands before stowing them behind his back. "I'm just surprised you're here!"

The ultimate lifeform raises a brow. "Should I leave?"

The next song picks up. For a moment, Shadow swears he sees Sonic's quills raise and his ears flicker downward. His smile doesn't falter. "No, no! I'm glad you came!" In an instant, he's leaning against the pillar with Shadow. Their shoulders touch. It ignites fire down his fur, his skin, his bones. He drinks from his cup to steady his heartbeat. "To be honest with you, parties aren't really my thing. I wasn't really gonna stick around 'til Amy mentioned you were coming."

Shadow doesn't hiss now; the drink barely tastes harsh anymore. He feels the loosening, as Amy had put it, and it uncoils in his shoulders and makes his head feel fluffy and warm. In fact, the warmth is seeping into every inch of his vessel. It does not, however, quell the aggression, the rage, the bitter in his center; it flattens it, steamrolls it, turns it into a weary, pitiful sort of frustration. His gut twists. The cup is drained. "She told me nobody believed I would."

Sonic chuckles. He has one arm hooked behind his head. He wipes his other knuckle under his nose. "Heh, yeah, well... Believing and hoping are two different things."

Shadow stirs. Something aching and burning drives him to shift, nudging him deeper into their contact. He sways into Sonic, turning slightly- 

"Woah-" Sonic moves as if to catch Shadow, and suddenly they're facing each other. Their noses are close enough to touch. Shadow leans into the pillar, head tilting the opposite way from his faker's. 

"I'm fine," he says gruffly, trying not to look too deeply into the hedgehog across from him. He has to close his eyes tightly, brow furrowed. He can feel Sonic looking at him, caught between a half grin and half worry. "Why did you want to see me?"

"Uh-?" Sonic seems caught off guard by the question. Shadow parts his eyelids just enough to see the way Sonic almost stammers. "Well, when you put it like that it sounds weird- It's just been a while, dude, that's all."

Is he blushing?

Shadow tips back the empty cup, searching for the last drops. Sonic laughs a little and eases the cup out of his hand, and Shadow sways a bit into it, into Sonic, as if the cup had been keeping him steady. "I think you've had enough, buddy."

"Nonsense," Shadow says and he tries to sound gruff and angry, but he slurs a little and he chuckles, warm and deep. A fire ignites against his muscles where Sonic lays a hand over his shoulder. "I've only had two-"

"Two full cups of this?" Sonic's ears are pivoting on top of his head. It's cute. Shadow wants to reach out and- "Do you know what's in this?" He gently takes the hand that Shadow hadn't realized he'd started raising toward a cute, blue, triangular ear. His eyes are locked on them still, even as Sonic continues, lacing their fingers together as the dark hedgehog tries to struggle just a bit toward him- "There's, like, five different hard liquors in this, at least-"

"Amy said it would loosen me up. Or whatever." He's slurring, then he laughs again, dropping his forehead into Sonic's shoulder. He can feel the hands touching him confused and cautious, to hold him up or to soothe he can't tell. 

"Amy?" Sonic asks incredulously, looking around. "I should've known-"

"Don't be mad at the cute one," Shadow grumbles, picking up a hand to Sonic's shoulder to push himself straight, swaying just a bit. "I like her."

"You-" Sonic startles. His ears prick upward, his eyes widen, his shoulders stiffen. His face darkens on a slight blush. "You like Amy?"

Shadow narrows his eyes, searching Sonic's face. The world around them has shriveled up to house only them in the dark, under the slowly moving lights, next to a band that drowns out their conversation from the others. Isolated. "She is a good friend," he clarifies, fingers on Sonic's shoulder flexing. He firms his hold, leans in with a new determination. "You're the one I-"

"Woah!" Sonic snaps his head back before Shadow can kiss him. "I- Haha- I think you're too drunk for that!"

They're still tangled. Shadow has a hand on his shoulder, the other hand near his hip- Sonic has a hand on his back, but now one hand has fingers fanned over his mouth, keeping them separated. The rejection is dulled by the alcohol; Shadow can't do more with his anger and sadness than laugh. He sways forward, head falling before Sonic as if in apology. Nothing of the sort leaves his lips. "Are a drunk man's words not a sober man's thoughts?"

He can feel the way Sonic looks nervously around the room before untangling finally to take a step back, sliding his hand from back to shoulder to at least keep a tether. Shadow inhales. Something like sick washes in his gut. He straights, realizing Sonic is talking. "-another time?"

"There will be no other time," Shadow says a little too sternly, a little too quickly.

Suddenly they're standing face to face, the pillar separating them adjacent. A song comes to an end, leaving silence between them. Finally remembering where they are, Shadow takes a glance around-

A few eyes brush his. His quills bristle; the fur on the back of his neck stands statically. He grinds his teeth, a wave of sobriety offering him enough sense to push past Sonic and glide as far away from the hurt and misery and rejection in as short a time as possible.

Only to find that his legs feel like jelly. Shadow stumbles and sways and zigzags out of Emeraldville Ruins.

"Shads!"

Shadow's chest hurts. He growls, glowering, picking up pace despite the slight, sloshing missteps he might take- but no matter how fast he wills his jets to take him, it's never enough to outpace him.

"Hey, I wasn't-"

Frustrated, squeezing wetness from his eyes, Shadow makes a guttural noise as he slams sidelong into the hedgehog keeping pace with him. Sonic yelps before bouncing back hard in a spin dash, a blur of blue and spikes. Shadow locks in against him, smoke and sparks trailing behind their lightspeed friction as they rip twin streaks of blue and red across the horizon in their wake.

Drunk, angry, Shadow is thrown off by a jagged turn into a defrosted field- he skids out, drags like a meteor across stiff flowers and green. Dust settles around Sonic standing over him, silhouetted by the moonlight. A halo of silver glows from within the edges of his dark form, and his emerald eyes glint sadly in the lowlight. Shadow grunts, manages to sit up with a hand to his head. 

"C'mon, man, what's wrong?" Sonic's voice sounds... Shadow can't place it. Genuine? Soft? Small? Cautious. "You can talk to me."

Silence brews between them for a long time, and for that duration, Shadow is only thinking of words he might be able to say. He knows how it looks on the outside; a broody, shitfaced, angry hedgehog curled in on himself, refusing to talk, miserable and drunk under the moon with his hurt feelings and unrequited-

That's where he's stuck. Is it hatred? Love? He can't find the line between anymore.

He grunts, closes his eyes. "I can't." His voice is harsh, but soft.

"Mph-" Sonic grunts, too, rubbing a hand at the back of his head, the other hand on his hip. "Well, ah..." 

Shadow blinks, looking sideways at the blue hedgehog as he settles next to him in the cold grass and flowers. Suddenly, the haze is lesser, his mind clearer. In the glittering blue, he's once again reminded of her, and as always, it is more confusing than comforting. "If you can't talk," Sonic is saying, eyes focused upward. His legs are folded as he leans back on his hands. "Then will you sit with me 'til next year?"

And then he shoots him a pleasant smile - not his cocky or sarcastic grin, but toothy and giddy and whole. Shadow's eyelids flutter. His heart aches in a new way; a way that he kind of prefers. It's warm, tight, an embrace. Red eyes turn up to the stars, and he wonders if she would have liked them better from down here. He's quiet for a long time, and thankful that the hedgehog next to him doesn't prod. The sky moves slowly, and for that Shadow feels even slower; it's hard for him to sit still. He wonders if Sonic feels the same itch in his legs and heart whenever he's stayed in one place too long.

But for now, they've slowed down. Time moves quietly between them, and as midnight grows closer, the darker the skies lay above them. There's hardly any clouds, leaving the pool of stars to reflect wholly upon the sea of flowers they tread in. 

Unsure of how much time has passed, Shadow finally breaks the silence. He feels sober, but thinks he'd only speak so vulnerably if he were still intoxicated. "My feelings for you are... Complicated."

Sonic chuckles warmly, chancing a glance, which Shadow returns hesitantly. "Yeah, I could kind of tell."

A pang in his chest, a lump in his throat. Shadow exhales.

"What..." Sonic tilts his head away, wiping a knuckle under his nose bashfully. His ears flutter, eyes in the stars. "...are your feelings for me?"

Shadow considers for a moment. He tucks his arms around raised knees, resting his chin there too. His eyes are narrowed against the flowers before them, only slightly mussed by his fall. Sonic doesn't rush him, despite his impatient, shallow breaths. "I..." Shadow raises his dominant hand from his knee, looking to his palm. He studies it like the answers are written there. "I am not sure. I want to hurt you. I want to kiss you. I want to..." He closes his eyes tight, fist light, ears flat against his head. "I want to make sure you are always safe. Whenever you are within reach, I want to push you away, but when you're distant..." Trailing off, Shadow sighs and sags slightly, tilting his head away as his eyes part again.

He finds Sonic staring at him with wide eyes and a reddening face. His quills and fur are raised, ears perked. Shadow can hear the slight thump of his wagging tail, the nervous beating of his heart, the uneven breaths.

"What?" Shadow intones, glaring.

"I-" Sonic covers his face, turns away. His other hand waves Shadow off. "S-sorry, I'm bad with this stuff-"

Shadow leans in, barking, "If I've overstepped-"

"No, no!" Sonic sags sideways, sways back upward. He's grinning between the gaps of his fingers. "I- mph- I mean-"

Shadow's hand falls to the ground between them and he realizes he's leaning so far in that he's nearly clambered to his knees. He settles back, heart beating, hand still between them.

"You- Still wanna kiss me?" Sonic is grinning and the hand that had been at his mouth finds the earth and grass too, their fingers touching. He's leaned in now, reciprocating the moment. Shadow's heart thuds in his chest, eyes caught on their hands. "Are you sure you're not still drunk?"

Their noses touch when Shadow lifts his eyes. He can taste mint on Sonic's breath.

"Did you not hear that I want to hurt you as well?" His voice is husky soft and he tries not to tremble.

"I mean," Sonic exhales, shifting his hand just enough that their fingers are nearly hatched. Shadow's eyes are locked on the way Sonic hoods his emeralds and- "You can do both."

Sealing the promise, Shadow tastes mint on purpose. 

As soon as Shadow has taken the initiative, Sonic usurps the lead. He locks their hands and pulls the connection from the earth to hoist it over his shoulder, dragging Shadow in closer, deeper. The dark hedgehog makes a noise and Sonic swallows it eagerly, lips moving gingerly against his rival's.

Heart pounding in his chest, his ears, the back of his skull, his lower abdomen- Shadow lets himself enjoy the obscenity of a rolling tongue over his bottom lip, finding that his own part and they lick at each other momentarily as his hands smooth over chest, stomach-

Sonic draws back with a short breath, nearly panting. His face is flushed, eyes wide again. Shadow wants to keep kissing him, and he leans in to, but Sonic runs his hand over Shadow's jaw to guide him into his neck instead. "S-sorry-" Sonic's heart thumps wildly in his chest so boldly that Shadow can feel it overtake his own heart's beating. He presses a flat hand square between Sonic's shoulder spikes, their hearts touching. "I've- aha- actually never done this before-" His voice against Shadow's ear causes it to flicker.

"You've given me more than enough," Shadow says into his shoulder, soft and stern.

Carefully, Sonic wraps his arms around Shadow too. They embrace in the field of flowers for a while before Sonic gasps, sitting back across from the ultimate lifeform to pull a phone out of seemingly nowhere. It lights up his expression and he grins wildly before showing the screen to his rival.

12:03 AM

Shadow blinks at the phone, then at Sonic. The blue hedgehog, still grinning, shoves the phone away. "It was a New Year's kiss! Isn't that, like, extra special?"

A thousand sappy things cross his mind then and it's poetic instead of melancholic; Sonic radiates a soft blue glow in the moonlight and Shadow finds himself drawn to it like he's never been drawn to the color before; it's nostalgic, but new, and it's sharp in his chest - but for once, he doesn't want to run from it.

"It's next year..." Shadow says, trying not to sound sullen. "You ought to get back to your Resistance-"

"Restoration-"

"-before they grow suspicious..."

Sonic cocks his head, ears flopping. His ankles are crossed, hands laid over his feet. "Do you want me to go?"

No. "I have a lot to think about."

The blue blur grins. "You're not gonna ghost me now, are you?"

"No." Shadow stands, and holds a hand out to his companion. He does not hesitate to take it, and the two stand in the moonlight together. "I'll... try to stay close."

Green and red reflect in the lowlight against each other. Sonic is grinning still, but there's a sadness tainting the air. "Saying goodbye feels kinda lame right now."

"Then don't." Shadow takes the hedgehog's gloved hand and raises it to his lips; he kisses his knuckles. "Until next time."

Sonic twists his hand in the grip to lock fingers a third time, briefly. He leaves one last, quick kiss. "I count on it."

The blur is gone, leaving only a fading streak of blue in his wake. He heads further north; further away from Emeraldville Ruins.

Shadow doesn't leave the field until sunlight has raked its claws over him.