Work Text:
Megatron was extremely bored one day. Minimus was at work—ever the breadwinner—and Megatron was left with nothing to do, like a dog without a bone. *Doors plays* Megatron, in his everlasting, never-ending boredom, decided to go outside for the first time in years. He was always the homebody after all. His clunky chunky peds led him to the nearby convenience store. He went inside, the door jingling as it announced his arrival. His eyes glazed over the pristine yet bussing store, and his eyes landed on the small red clerk behind the counter. It was Swerve! Behind him was a car that crashed through the wall. It seems he still doesn’t know how to drive.
Megatron walked past the clerk, knowing that if he went within a few meters of Swerve, then the bot would talk his audials off endlessly. So, he sneakily dodged between the shelves. His eyes scanned the shelves, graciously and desperately looking for something that could be a cure to his boredom. He saw various toys and gadgets, books and literature. But none piqued his interest as much as that Pregnancy test.
Upon his eyes meeting the Pregnancy test, his heart immediately started racing. It was… beautiful. It was thin and slick, cleanly shaped, just like the sculptures Minimus made for him. Of all the things in the aisle, Megatron knew this Pregnancy test would change his life. Boredom would never touch the tips of his heart ever again. Fun for hours, days, years even would come from this one test. He, with shaking, yearning hands, plucked the test from the metal rods that were its vines. He gazed at it.
“How fun!” Megatron giggled. “Ooooh I’m so excited!!!” He began being giddy with delight, his boots tapping delicately on the floor. It was like Christmas Day all over again. With a new pep in his step, he sauntered over to Swerve’s counter, slamming the Pregnancy test down with a few coins and change.
Upon viewing Megatron’s merchandise (***BUY MY MERCHANDISE NOW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ THIS MESSAGE IS SPONSORED BY SWINDLE***), Swerve gasped wholeheartedly. A servo clasped at his chasis, face twisting in a shocked grimace. Megatron was PREGNANT???? Megatron, the warlord??? Pregnant by Minimus??? A short ass king????
“Well, well, well, Megatron.” He mused. “Look what we have here.”
Megatron smiled giddily. “I know, right?? I’m so excited!! It’s gonna be so much fun.” He did a little dance, because he was SO happy.
Swerve could only assume that Cybertron’s hottest couple was expecting a little guy of their own. He happily rang up Megatron’s Pregnancy test, and put it in a little baggy. Megatron took it greedily like a lover taking their partner’s hand in a fast paced tango.
This surely won't cause any problems in the future.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Minimus had been working all day at the lawyer district that he was in charge of. He couldn’t wait to come home and see his malewife, Megatron. He knew that his Meggy-poo would relax him and rub his tired pedes. The lights lit up the street as he walked home. He came to the house that he and Megatron shared ever since they retired from the Lost Light. He took out his key card and swiped the door open, stepping inside. His green pedes relaxed once on the soft, blue carpet. He once found relaxing like this a struggle. It was funny how the Great War was one of the greatest reasons he had such trouble relaxing. He always had to be on edge, ready for the next fight. Now, the war is over. And the same mech who started the war that shattered his ability to relax, was the same mech who comforted him now more than ever. He could not wait to see his malewife.
Minimus walked into his house further, and saw Megatron sitting on the couch. He smiled at him, saying “Megatron! It’s so good to see you, how was your day—“ He cut off mid-sentence when he realized Megatron’s posture. He was sitting slouched over, and he appeared to be holding something. He was very still, almost shocked.
“Megatron,” Minimus said, running over and putting a hand on the former warlord’s large shoulder. “Are you okay? Is something wrong; are you hurt?” He looked at Megatron in his ruby red eyes. Megatron looked Minimus intensely in the optics, his servo loosening to reveal what was inside. The green mech looked down. It was a Pregnancy test. It had two lines on it.
“Minimus… I’m Pregnant.”
Minimus stepped back and put a servo over his mouth. He was shocked. “Megatron… how could this happen?” He looked down in shock. “We haven’t even kissed, or touched each other! How..?”
“I’m unsure. I read somewhere that you can get Pregnant just by looking at someone. If you look at someone for an hour straight, then you will get Pregnant by them. I can’t imagine when I would ever do that, though.”
Minimus sighed. He sat down next to Megatron. He put a hand on his knee. He could touch Megatron, now that he was already Pregnant. “It’s going to be alright, Megatron. Whatever you want to do with it, we can do. I would love to raise a baby with you.” He smiled, looking up at the other. “I think we would make great parents.”
Megatron smiled back, relaxing. “I… I think so too.” He kissed Minimus on the lips. “Wow. our first kiss. That was lovely.”
“Sure was, Megabitch. Now let’s go and make dinner, shall we?”
The pair walked into the kitchen to eat dinner, their worries about the baby melting away.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
The next day, the pair went to the Pregnancy doctor, Knockout, to check up on the baby, and to see if the Pregnancy test was right. Minimus and Megatron stepped into the clean, hot pink office, and checked in with the secretary. The secretary just so happened to be Starscream.
“You’re looking fatter than usual, Megatron. What, are you Pregnant?” Starscream snickered, flicking his hand aggressively with his hot-pink painted, razor-sharp nails.
Minimus and Megatron exchanged a long, long glance, before Megatron lost it. “Why the fuck would we come here for, Starscream? To have some fucking coffee?” Megatron reared up, and Starscream’s wings raised, and his claws unsheathed.
Minimus put a servo on Megatron’s ass, the highest point he could reach, massaging it to calm him down. “Hush, sweetie. There is no need to engage with him.”
Starscream waved them off, saying with an unmatchable amount of sarcasm, “Bye, sweethearts, have a great time, teehee.”
The lovely wedded couple rolled their eyes. They walked down the hallway, into an office where Knockout was waiting. He looked beautiful, almost too beautiful. It was a shock that Megatron didn’t get twins right on the spot.
“Hello, lovely couple~” the red race car said in his smooth, chocolate (🍫) smooth voice. “I hear the big M could be poppin’ out babies. Let’s see if that test was right, eh?”
Knockout set up the Pregnancy-scanning device, which wrapped around a mech’s spark-casing and scanned the area for a duel spark. Megatron stood perfectly still, Minimus holding his humongous 22-kilometer long hand. The device took a 3-D photo of Megatron’s spark. After the test was finished, Knockout prepared the photo. He brought it up on the screen, and Minimus and Megatron gasped in happy surprise. There was a green, glowing spark branching off of Megatron’s own spark. It was beautiful. Life growing before their very own optics.
“Congratulations, you two! The test is positive, and it looks like there is a baby in you. Are you guys planning on keeping it?”
Minimus and Megatron glanced at each other warmly, then back at Knockout. They nodded. “Well, what do you think you are going to name the baby?”
Megatron smiled. “I think we are just going to combine our names. It is the most sensible thing to do.”
Minimus smiled, looking warmly at Megatron and his chest, where the baby rested. “Minimegs.”
“I think that’s a lovely name.” Knockout smiled, crossing his arms. “Do you have any questions?”
“Yes, actually, doctor,” Minimus said, perking up. “How… could this baby have been created? Megatron and I have barely touched each other. We didn’t even kiss until last night!”
Knockout’s eyes widened in surprise. He had never heard of two people living so close to each other and not kissing! Why, he made out with his secretary all the time! “That’s a shocker.” Knockout chuckled. He pulled up a chair. “When you are near and close to someone for a long time, your EM fields interconnect and mix. This can sometimes lead to a combustion of energy in the spark-casing of the bigger mech’s spark. This means another being is created, much like what happens with a spark bond. The two of you have been living with each other for quite a while now. This must have been the case.”
Minimus and Megatron sighed, content with the answer. “Alright then. I just want to do a quick DNA test to see who the father of the baby is. It most likely is yours, Minimus. Nothing to worry about, but just to be sure.” Knockout opened up Megatron’s spark casing, and took a swab of the light material that was there. He put it in a test tubing, and walked off to test it.
A while later, Knockout came back with the test. Minimus and Megatron were sitting in the reception room, still celebrating the baby. They had cups of coffee with them, so it turns out, they did come to have some fucking coffee. Knockout was afraid to break the grim news to the couple.
“Knockout! Good to see you! How did the test come back?”
“Hello, everyone. I know you all are excited about the baby, but there seems to be a problem.”
Minimus’ smile fell, and Megatron grew tense. “W-what’s the problem? Is there something wrong with the baby?”
Knockout shook his head. “No, the baby is perfectly healthy. But Minimus… you are not the father!”
Everyone in the room gasped, and an “Ooooooh~ drama!” could be heard coming quietly from Starscream.
“W-what do you mean I’m not the father? I’m the only person who's been around Megatron this entire time, right Megatron?”
Megatron looked at Minimus, jaw trembling. He looked away, ashamed. “…right?” Minimus asked again, an echo of himself. “Megatron, answer me! What have you been doing behind my back?”
“I don’t know! I haven’t been around anyone else as much as you, unless…”
Awkward silence filled the room. It was heart-shattering silence. Megatron didn’t know who else it could be. He certainly didn’t want the father to be anyone else. He loved Minimus, and only Minimus.
“I may have an explanation.” Knockout said, looking at a data pad in his servos. “I’m sure you read somewhere, Megatron, that you can get Pregnant by looking at someone directly in the optics for an hour straight. This is because of the energy transferred between the optics during such a long time of intense staring. Have you done anything of the manner in the past few months?”
Megatron stared intensely at his lap, thinking. Minimus sighed, rubbing his back. Despite being upset that it wasn’t his, he was still a supportive Girlboss. Suddenly, Megatron perked up. “It’s Optimus!” He gasped. He stared into space in shock. “W-we were having a contest at work to see who could stare the longest. The winner got a life-time supply of double-dipped-chocolate-gummy-goodies! Starscream was there. He was really bad at it; he lost immediately.”
Starscream looked up angrily, threw his hands in the air and shouted, “Now was that really necessary!”
Megatron ignored him. “Optimus and I were the final contestants. We were unbeaten by anyone else. Our battle was legendary, lasting for days on end. It finally ended when Optimus got hit in the head by a waywards cup, forcing him to blink. I won, and I am now the champion of staring contests.”
Minimus stared at him intensely. “Is… that why we keep getting double-dipped-chocolate-gummy-goodies in the mail?”
“THAT’S CORRECT, MINIMUS!” A booming voice came from the doorway. There he stood, the father of the baby himself, Optimus Prime.
“O-Optimus?!” Minimus shouted. Megatron’s jaw dropped to the floor with a GONG.
“That’s right! It is I, Optimus P. Rime, and I heard that someone’s gonna be a father!”
“How did you know?!” Minimus asked incredulously.
“Why, it’s all over the news!” Optimus pulled out a newspaper with a headline that screamed “TOP TEN CELEBRITY Pregnancy STORIES THAT WILL SHOCK YOU: FORMER WARLORD IMPREGNATED BY SEXY SHORT KING? ”
Minimus looked up at Megatron. “Er… Word spreads quickly, doesn’t it?”
“When I heard that you were Pregnant, I knew I had to rush over here straight away! I do apologize greatly for getting you Pregnant, Megatron. It was complete and total whoopsie on my part.”
Megatron laughed. “Guess that’s what I get for having the hubris to chase after those double-dipped-chocolate-gummy-goodies!”
Everyone laughed. Even the audience. The Seinfeld soundtrack played. Obama was there.
Megatron smiled. While he was sad that it wasn’t Minimus’s baby, Optimus probably was the second person he’d want to have a baby with. Strong and heroic, just like him.
“I… I still wouldn't mind raising the baby, Megatron.” Minimus whispered, pressing his forehead to the gray mech.
“Neither would I, Minimus.” Megatron said, nuzzling closer to the other’s forehead.
“I love you so much.” The couple kissed, holding each other close.
“Wait wait wait, hold up. Before we get to the happy ending,” Starscream interrupters their moment, standing up. “I have just one question…”
“What?” Everyone said in unison.
“Your name is Optimus P. Rime? What does the P stand for?”
Optimus looked to the side and fiddled with his digits nervously. All the mechs in the room stared at him expectantly. “It stands for…” he gulped. “Piss.”
Everyone laughed. Even the audience. The Seinfeld soundtrack played. Obama was there. Starscream and Knockout began making out for some odd reason.
And they lived happily ever after. Just Minimus, Megatron, and Minimegs. A happy family of three. That was until Megatron got Pregnant again!
Who will be the father this time? Will Megatron need a C-section? What are Megatron’s tips, recipes, and life hacks for stay-at-home moms? Why did I decide to write this stupid story? Find out next time on: TOP TEN CELEBRITY Pregnancy STORIES THAT WILL SHOCK YOU!