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A year after the invasion of the Chroma Conclave, Emon was still in the process of being restored. The survivors of the attacks had banded together as they dug themselves out of the rubble, pledging to set aside their differences and offer each other what assistance they could. This cooperation, while noble in intent, had proven far more difficult in practice
As they were some of the few council members left alive, Vox Machina had taken a direct part in the process. There were decisions to be made and plans to draw up, even while the group floundered from lack of leadership as they tried to rebuild the city's entire infrastructure and economy from the ground up.
One of the unintended effects of this was that Vax'ildan was… tired. Exhausted, even. The memorial ceremony in honor of the fallen had begun in the late afternoon and stretched on well into the evening. As the city's defenders and prominent citizens, they were front and center for the proceedings.
Why do we have to make such a spectacle of this? It's not like any of us will ever be able to forget.
He was losing track of how many times he'd thought that, but as the formalities ended and the crowds gathered around them, he could see the good it was doing them. He only wished it was doing as much for him.
He was half-leaning on his sister at this point, and she nudged him properly upright with her shoulder. “Need a break?” she whispered.
He nodded imperceptibly, and Vex looked around him to catch Keyleth's eye. By some unspoken, unrehearsed signal he didn't want to think too much about, she took him by the hand, leading him him away from the throng of onlookers.
“Gonna tell me where we're going?”
She shook her head, auburn hair falling in her face. She wore a determined expression, and while her combination of fiery strength and innocent sweetness was one of the things that had initially drawn him to her, he wasn't exactly sure what warranted it at the moment. The crowds were beginning to thin out as they turned on to a well-traveled street.
Of course.
The shop had been rebuilt and now looked much the same as it always had, albeit somewhat newer. The complicated bit of magic that allowed it to appear smaller on the outside was back in place, and Vax felt the usual slightly disconcerting perspective shift as they stepped inside. The various shelves and counters that lined the main room were emptier than usual, as most of the usual suppliers no longer existed, but as long as there were talented spellcasters and craftsmen plying their trades they'd be back to normal eventually. The place even smelled the same, and the familiar atmosphere wrapped around him like a blanket.
Gilmore was talking with a small group of well-wishers as they entered. More people stopped in to chat than to buy these days, sometimes from far afield, wanting to commend him for his courageous deeds. It was understandable given the circumstances, but it was hard for him to relive those moments, which had been far more desperate than heroic.
“Evening, Gilmore,” Keyleth called. He turned to them with a singularly familiar grin - the one which always hinted that he knew something you didn't but was too polite to mention it. It was outwardly casual, but she knew him well enough to see the relief underneath it.
“Ah, my friends. Finished already?”
“Mostly,” she replied. “Vax was getting restless, so we excused ourselves.”
“I'm not restless.” Vax knew that he sounded petty and childish, but at the moment he didn't really care.
“Go on back, there's dinner waiting. Sherri?”
His assistant was already ushering the tourists away like a flock of slightly confused ducklings. “Go enjoy your company, I'll take care of everything out here.”
Gilmore’s living quarters were fairly modest but well appointed, complete with a small kitchen and dining area. The evening's meal of hearty soup and fresh bread was already on the table as he joined his companions. Outside, the winter weather had grown harsher as the shadows lengthened, but as they sat together enjoying warm food and warmer hearts, the cold did not reach them.
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The day's prevailing mood of somber reflection hadn't fully dissipated as they laid curled against each other. Vax had been quiet throughout their shared dinner and hadn't eaten much, seemingly preferring to pick at a piece of bread as if it had personally wronged him.
“It's been a difficult day for all of us.” A brief kiss on the forehead brought him back to the moment. “But that's not all that's troubling you, is it?”
“When I figure it out, I'll let you know.” He sighed. It felt like his emotions used to be easier to understand. They were easy to understand. He'd known without having to be told that Gilmore sometimes needed a break from the polished public image he maintained, just as he'd known that Keyleth’s desire for physical intimacy rarely went beyond stolen kisses and warm embraces. Just as they'd known and understood that as much as he cared for them both, his loyalty would always be to his twin first. They all loved and accepted each other as they were, but it seemed he was at a loss when it came to knowing himself.
“Growing up, it was just me and my sister.” He spoke quietly, trying to sort out his thoughts. “Even when we were with the elves, all that really mattered was surviving and keeping each other safe. Now… it seems like the circle of people I'd do anything to protect keeps growing. And that should be a good thing, but everything keeps reminding me of what we've lost and it just scares me.” He bowed his head, strangely startled by the reality of his feelings, as two pairs of arms held him a little tighter.
“You can't take all that responsibility on yourself.” Keyleth took his hand, squeezing it tightly. “It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the people who love you, because you know they'd do anything for you too.”
“I know I shouldn't, but it doesn't make the feeling go away.” In truth, there were a lot of feelings he was having trouble letting go of. The burning anger at the gang of looters, which had only masked his guilt over not getting there sooner. The sickening sense of loss and regret as he'd realized that his gentle rejection might be the last conversation he'd ever have with the man who meant so much to him. The understanding that it was only by Sarenrae’s grace that this most precious thing in his life hadn't ended before it truly began…
“We're here.” Gilmore’s reassuring words were an odd mirror of his own thoughts. He'd always found so much comfort in that voice. “Let us help you carry this.”
“I'm trying.” He nestled closer to the other man, still trying to shake the nagging worry that he didn't really deserve any of this.
“You once asked what it is I see in you.” Gilmore combed his fingers through Vax’s hair. “Would you like me to tell you now?”
He nodded, surprised at just how much he needed to hear it.
“I won't deny that the first thing I saw was your looks. You are an exceedingly attractive man.” Vax was silent, acknowledging the compliment with only a slight shake of his head. “Then I looked further and saw your kindness and your wit. I saw that your life was full of secrets, but you never let the darkness overwhelm you.”
He felt the hitch in Vax’s breathing and instinctively wiped away the single tear running down his cheek.”I saw that you cloaked yourself in layers, and it was something of a challenge to get to know you. When I saw how deeply devoted you are to your loved ones, I was glad I'd made the effort.”
He traced the contours of Vax’s scarred back, lingering over a particular mark between his shoulders as he relaxed into the touch. “I saw how hard it was for you to let your guard down and be vulnerable. I'm honored that you were able to do so with me.”
“Gil. I…”
“Shhh. I'm not finished.”
“Oh.”
“I see a man with doubts and insecurities, who worries so much for others that he sometimes forgets himself. A good man, who I love dearly.”
“Oh…. “ This time the word was loaded with emotion. “I hope you're done now, because I really need to kiss you.”
The only answer to that was a smile he felt rather than saw as he did so.
“Goodnight, Vax’ildan.”
Vax grinned, letting the warmsafeloved feeling chase away his fears as he drifted off. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the faint glint of the ring on his finger. It was made from dark matte-finished metal, suitable for stealth, but the light it represented shined brighter than ever. He'd suggested the rings a few months ago in a moment of whimsy - it had seemed like a fitting reminder of what they felt for each other. Gilmore had taken the idea and run with it in his usual inimitable style, ensuring that each piece of jewelry was perfectly crafted for its wearer. Vax and Keyleth’s carried protective enchantments and his own was one of the many he usually wore, but the deeper meaning was understood by all the people who mattered.
No matter what happened in the future, none of them would ever have to face it alone. They had forged a bond that would never be broken.