Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The last thing Ford was expecting to find outside was his brother with a small child on his back. Not like he had had any actual expectations about his brother, he definitely hadn’t thought about it during the previous days.

He had known his brother would show up, it was his house after all. The child part had not been anticipated. He would’ve liked to have a heads up, that way, he wouldn’t be gaping like a fish, unable to form a coherent sentence. How pathetic, 12 phds and he couldn’t even say something about his brother having a child on his back.

Speaking of the child, they were staring at him with curious eyes, perched up on Stan’s back. The logical part of Ford’s brain told him it couldn’t possibly be Stan’s actual child, it just couldn’t be. The more logical part of his brain, though, told him that the kid looked too much like a baby version of Stan to not be his child. He inspected the kid’s face only to find they did look an awful lot like Stan. 

He looked at Stan for some sort of explanation, but he only readjusted his grip on the kid and looked away uncomfortably. 

Once more, it was Ford’s task to start this conversation. He would’ve sighed if his mouth just stopped opening and closing repeatedly, very annoying. 

“Why do you have a toddler?” Ford asked intelligently.

Stan stared at him, bewildered. “What do you mean why do I have a toddler?”

The little kid interrupted them both. “I’m not a toddler.” She didn’t sound like a toddler, not like Ford knew how that sounded. “I’m eight.” She frowned, clearly offended at the insinuation. 

“Why is she there?” Ford continued asking, ignoring the child and earning an annoyed look from her.

Stan shrugged. “She wanted to be there.” 

“Where did you get her?” Ford blurted out.

Stan furrowed his brow. “What? Are you asking me if I kidnapped her?” The little girl giggled when Ford looked away. Stan scoffed. “Of course I didn’t kidnap her, Ford! What the heck? She’s my daughter…”

Ford’s eyes widened in an almost comical way, earning another giggle from the little girl. Ford was beginning to get tired of that very quickly.

~*~

They now sat at the kitchen table, after he had removed all science related stuff from it. The girl idly doodled in a notebook Stan had taken out from his duffle bag. Ford eyed her as she drew, as if he didn’t believe she was actually real. 

Stan suddenly coughed, earning Ford’s attention. “So… how’ve you been?” 

Ford laughed dryly. The little girl looked up to him from her notebook, brow furrowed in confusion. “How I’ve been, you ask. I should be asking that question! You have a child??”

Stan leans closer to the table. “Yes I do! Why are you so surprised you didn’t know?? The other day was the first time we talked in over ten years!”

“Well, you could’ve mentioned it when we talked over the phone!”

Two days ago, Ford had received a call from his estranged brother who wanted to apologize. Ford couldn’t let his brother be more mature than him so even though the apology was most likely fake, he forgave him. As Ford had suspected, it all had been a ruse to disguise a favor. Stan had mentioned he had a favor to ask him, something that would be better discussed in person. So Ford had given him his directions and they had agreed to meet in two days.

Obviously Stan had failed to mention the child during their brief talk over the phone. Honestly, if the kid didn’t look so much like Stan, he’d think it was a manipulation tactic. Maybe it was a manipulation tactic after all. Stan had had a daughter just so he could manipulate Ford. Yes, that made so much sense.

It didn’t make sense. 

“So she’s yours?” Ford asked again, just to confirm the validity of the information.

Stan rolled his eyes. “Yes, pointdexter. What? You want a dna test to prove it?”

“It was rhetorical, you’re not touching my daughter.” Stan added before Ford could open his mouth.

“Fine, whatever, suppose I believe she is indeed your daughter. Why did you bring her here?”

“Was I just supposed to leave her alone while I traveled across the country?” Stan asked in disbelief.

“That’s the plot of a movie.” The little girl piped in, focused on her doodles.

Once again, she was ignored. “You could have left her with her mother.” Ford deadpanned.

The shift in the room was subtle. The kid stopped coloring and Stan’s hands tightened into fists. There was silence for a moment and Ford suddenly thought about the possibility that the mother wasn’t present. Or maybe the kid was indeed kidnapped.

“Stanley-“ Ford began talking but Stan talked over him.

“She’s a nun.” He quickly explained. Ford blinked, surprised. “She’s a nun and can’t take care of her.” 

“Also churches are scary.” The kid whispered as she resumed her doodling.

Ford nodded, that made sense. “Right.”

They fell in silence, the only noise was the crayons scratching against the paper. 

Ford cleared his throat. “So, what did you want to talk about with me?”

“Oh, yeah.” Stan moved on the chair uncomfortably, averting his brother’s gaze. “I need a favor.”

Ford rolled his eyes. “Yes, you said as much, Stanley, I remember.”

“Allow her to stay here.” Stanley blurted out.

“What??” Ford shot up from his seat, looking at his brother in shock. “Stanley, I can't take care of a child!”

“What? No! I’d take care of her, obviously. I just…” Stanley hesitated. “Listen, money’s tight right now and our living situation is… far from ideal. It will start getting cold soon and… I don’t want her to spend another year cold.”

“I don’t mind being cold, Lee.” The kid said, looking at her father with determination. 

Stan gently smiled at her before continuing. “Look, it would just be until I gather enough money to get by, then we’d get out of your hair. Just let her sleep here, I’ll stay in my car so it would be just her. That’s all I ask for.”

There was a beat of silence.

“So…” Stan asked and if his voice wavered, no it didn’t. “Can she stay?”

Ford looked down, deep in thought. He was mad at his brother for putting him in such a situation. He had to answer something. The problem was that he could feel the kid stare at him intensely. It was putting a lot of pressure on him. And the way his brother’s voice had wavered… Well, let’s just say, it wasn’t making this easier. Whatever his choice was going to be, he needed to decide fast. 

Thing was, he didn’t know what to do.

On one hand, if he told Stan no, he’d seem like he was the one being unreasonable, even cruel. Telling no to his homeless brother and leaving him and his daughter on the streets. And why would he be doing that? Because of a fight that had happened over ten years ago? Was he really willing to leave them homeless just because of a failed chance at college? It didn’t sit right with him, even if his anger was completely validated, it just didn’t.

But on the other hand… he really didn’t want to tell him yes. He didn’t want to have his brother around, lurking and waiting for a chance to ruin another one of his projects. His brother was careless and if he had raised his child on his own, he didn’t doubt she’d be just like him. He really didn’t want to give his brother the chance to ruin his life once again. And if he did say yes, that would just open the door for Stan to demand more favors or even ask for more material favors, which Ford had no intention to obey. 

But of course, there was a third option.

He’d agree, but with his own rules, that way he’d have control of the situation.

Ford looked his brother directly in the eyes. “You two can stay. I can free the attic and I have a spare mattress.” Stan blinked surprised and opened his mouth to speak, Ford raised his hand to silence his brother. He wasn’t finished. “In exchange, you’ll help with house chores that I will assign you. And you and the kid can only enter the rooms I tell you. You will not interrupt my work in any way or for any reason. As long as those demands are met, you two are allowed to stay here and use the common rooms and its contents. Does that sound fair?” Ford asked, expression neutral.

Several contradicting emotions flashed across Stan’s face. Ford could guess how Stan felt about some of his demands but he knew that Stan just couldn’t afford to rebut them. 

Stan’s expression finally set in a clearly uncomfortable neutrality. “Very fair.” There barely was any sarcasm in that sentence. 

“Then it’s settled.” 

The two brothers stared at each other, neither of them daring to break eye contact. The child looked from one to another, tapping her crayon on the paper.

“Does that mean this will be our safe space, Lee?” She asked, looking at her dad.

Stan made a strange noise and looked at her daughter and back at Ford, clearly nervous. Ford just tilted his head in confusion at his brother’s reaction.

Stan grabbed his daughter’s hand and squeezed it gently. “Yes, pumpkin.” His voice was surprisingly soft.

The girl nodded with a small smile, she then turned to Ford as she stood up on the chair. “Hi.” She said, offering Ford her hand.

After a moment of surprise, Ford shook it. The girl held onto his hand and inspected it, as if she was searching for something. She suddenly gasped and Ford realized she had noticed his sixth finger. “You have six fingers!” The girl exclaimed with what must have been awe.

Ford rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “It’s called polydactyly.”

The girl mouthed the word. Then she did something no one had done before. 

She smiled at him. “Cool! You can punch one finger harder than most people!” 

Ford couldn’t help but let out a genuine laugh at that. That was a new response to his six fingers. He heard Stan snicker from the other side of the table. The girl beamed proudly at how she had made them laugh. 

“Thank you, dear. I indeed can punch harder than most people.” He swore he heard his brother mutter something that sounded like ‘yeah, right’ but elected to ignore that.

 “Ah, I don’t think I got your name.” Ford blushed slightly. They had been here for almost half an hour and not once had he thought to ask the girl’s name. 

“My name is Evelyn! Uhm…” she looked nervously at her dad. “I could tell him my name, right dad?” Ford couldn’t help but notice that was the first name the girl referred to him as dad.

Stan nodded slowly. “Yeah, Lyn, here’s safe.” Evelyn let out a sigh of relief and continued to color her notebook.

Ford frowned when he heard that. Why wouldn’t it be safe to say her name? Before he could think too much about it, Stan spoke again.

“So, could you show us where we’re gonna sleep?” 

Ford stood up again. “Right, follow me.”

After taking out several boxes into the hall outside of the attic, they laid an old mattress on the ground. The attic was fairly spacious, it barely had any mold. If it wasn't for the lack of furniture, this would be one of the best rooms Stan had stayed in.

Ford placed two blankets and a large pillow on the mattress. “I think this will be all you’ll need.”

Lyn plopped down on the mattress, raising a small cloud of dust. “Yup!” 

“Very well then.” Ford walked towards the door and stopped before exiting the room. “It’s rather late and I should get back to my research. Have… have a pleasant night.” And with that said, he disappeared.

Stan sighed and looked at the creepy triangular window. “Nice seeing you too.” 

He felt a small figure hug his legs and tug at his hoodie. He looked down to see the smiling face of his daughter. He smiled and picked her up. 

“What did you think of Ford?” He asked her as they both stared through the window.

She shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t trust him, he’s too serious.” Stan couldn’t help but chuckle. “Plus he’s a wizard! Or a sorcerer maybe. And you can never trust a magician.” She shook her head, causing her messy curls to hit her face.

“Nah, he’s just a scientist, dear.”

Her face scrunched with suspicion. “That’s not better. And he is a wizard. So double the distrust.” 

Stan held her closer. “Don’t worry, we’ll be safe here, Lyn. No one will hurt us here.”

And in another place, very far away, someone laughed. 

They wouldn’t be if he could help it.

Chapter Text

“What does he survive on?? Coffee??” Stan said as he closed another empty cabinet.

They had woken up a while ago and after a bit of deliberation (read: none at all) Stan had decided to help themselves to something from Ford’s kitchen. This had proved to be a problem when he had realized that all that Ford had in his kitchen was a loaf of stale bread, a half eaten jar of peanut butter, some mysterious meat that Stan wouldn’t eat until he was desperate, a whole lot of coffee and, for some reason, three sticks of celery.

It wasn’t the worst they had ever had to eat but he had honestly expected his brother to have a bit more. Although, if he hadn’t changed that much since high school, he wasn’t that surprised there was no actual food. Guy probably didn’t remember to eat until he was half dead.

Lyn leaned sideways from her chair to look at the fridge that Stan had opened for the fourth time, as if more food would suddenly appear. Actually, knowing his brother, it might just be possible.

“Do you want celery sticks with peanut butter?” Stan asked his daughter as he picked the items.

Her face scrunched in displeasure. “Can’t we have it with bread instead?”

Stan took the bread and hit it against the table, making a ‘CLANK’ sound. Lyn winced. “Celery is fine, I always loved celery.”

Stan chuckled and sat at the table. “Me too, sweetie.”

They picked a celery stick each and grabbed some peanut butter with it. They munched in silence, delighting in the first actual food they had eaten in days. It was far better than the greasy gas station food they had been eating the last few days.

Stan stuck the celery in the jar again. “Shouldn’t we use a knife?” Evelyn asked.

Stan looked at the jar. Ford probably would be less mad they were eating his stuff if they were more civil about it. “Yeah, sure. Go grab one from the drawer next to the sink.”

Evelyn happily walked towards the drawer. Stan absently munched on his celery, not like Ford would appear out of nowhere to scold him about his manners. Speaking of the devil, where was Ford? He hadn’t seen him all morning, his brother wasn’t one to sleep in so he must have awoken already. But he hadn’t seen him once or even heard him. He had checked all the rooms, even the locked ones and he hadn’t found him. It was as if he had vanished. Ford had never been one to go hiking so the forest was probably out of the question and taking into account that the town was far from the house and Ford had no car, he probably hadn’t gone there either. Again, as if he had vanished. Stan shrugged, maybe he was a wizard after all.

A gasp made him shift his attention towards his daughter. She held a ford with delight. She held it up to him with a big smile. “Dad, look! It’s a fancy fork!” In her hands was a ford with a flower design. A quick look at the drawer showed that it didn’t match the rest of the forks. “Can I keep it?”

Stan grimaced. “Sorry, Lyn. But we can’t take it, Ford will probably notice if it’s gone. Maybe.” She pouted sadly. “But hey! Since we’re staying here, ya can use it when we eat.”

She beamed instantly. “Hell yeah!” She celebrated jumping up and down.

“Hey! Language young lady! Where did you hear that? Stop jumping with the fork, you’re gonna stab your eye at this rate.”

“Stanley.” Someone said from behind him, causing Stan to almost fall off his chair with a scream.

He stared up to see his brother looking at him, perplexed. Stan grumbled as he sat back up. “Geez, Ford, do you want to give me a heart attack?”

Ford rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t that quiet. And need I remind you whose house this is?” Stan grumbled some more but otherwise didn’t say anything. “Regardless, I wanted to discuss with you about the details of our agreement from yesterday.”

Right, Stan had forgotten about that. He groaned. “Does it have to be now?”

“Yes, Stanley, it has to be now.” Ford said, exasperated. “I have work to do and the sooner we talk about it, the sooner I can get to it. So come on, we’ll discuss it in the living room.” With that said, he exited the room.

Stan rolled his eyes and stuffed the rest of his celery into his mouth. “Alright, imma go talk with Ford, don’t touch anything, ok Lyn?”

“I wasn’t gonna.” The little girl mumbled.

“Can I go play outside?” She asked before Stan could exit the kitchen.

Stan hesitated. He normally didn’t let her play outside, it was too risky. But the kid would benefit from playing outside for once and it’s not like anyone would be lurking around the middle of the woods, specifically around his brother’s cabin. He nodded and ruffled her hair. “Sure, but don’t go into the forest and if something happens, yell and kick, got it?”

Lyn beamed at him. “Got it!” With that, she launched herself towards the door.

Stan shook his head with a low chuckle and went to find what room his brother considered a living room.

~*~

Lyn took a deep breath and enjoyed the scent of the pines that filled the air. It wasn’t often that she got to spend time in the woods, or nature in general. Her dad always said it could be dangerous to be so out in the open. As she looked at the grass she silently wished there was a swing to play with. But she shook her head, at least she could play outside.

She looked at the house she was staying at. It was definitely the biggest house she had ever been at. And it looked so pretty surrounded by the trees, like it came out straight from a fairytale. An enchanted cabin in the woods. She almost couldn’t believe she was staying at such a beautiful place. She didn’t think houses were supposed to be so big. It must be a castle, even if it didn’t look like it. She smiled with delight at the thought. She was staying at a castle. An enchanted castle in the woods. It even had a wizard.

Now it just needed a knight…

She would be the knight! She just had to get a sword and then she’d be the rightful protector of her uncle’s enchanted castle.

She saw a stick and picked it up. She eyed it critically. It looked like a sword, one of those that knights used. She moved it around. It was pretty well balanced too. She took a little piece of string from the pocket in her overall and tied it around her waist. She then put her sword in her makeshift belt. She smiled as she winked.

“I am the powerful knight Evelyn of the pines! The best swordswoman to have ever set foot in these woods!” She dramatically took out her sword and lifted it in the air.

She moved her sword around, making noises that sounded more like a pirate than a knight. She stopped when she spotted movement from the corner of her eye. She turned around, startled.

She froze.

Not too far from her, three little men with beards and pointy red hats stared at her. She tightened her grip on her sword, they were small so she could probably take them if they tried anything. They seemed rather harmless really. She debated for a moment before smiling at them.

“Hi! I’m Evelyn! Say, do you wanna play knights with me?”

The three little men looked at each other and then at her. They nodded. Lyn let out a happy squeal. She had just made three whole friends! This was the best day of her entire life!

As she explained them the game, she didn’t notice that she was being slowly surrounded by hundreds of these little men.

~*~

Stan finally found Ford in a room with the whole floor covered in books. Didn’t look like a living room. Except he could sort of make out the form of a sofa beneath several stacks of paper. Why his brother was using a couch as a shelf evaded him.

Stan leaned against the door frame, waiting for his brother to notice him. The brother in question was too busy writing something in a red book to notice him. Stan rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. Ford looked up at him and quickly put the book inside his coat (A coat? Seriously Ford? In plain August?? It was a little comforting to see he hadn’t changed all that much since they were younger).

“Ah Stanley, you finally got here.”

“Hey, it’s hard when all of the rooms in here look the same!” Stan defended himself.

Ford ignored his comment and continued talking. “As I told you earlier, I wanted to discuss with you-“

Stan crossed his arms, frowning in annoyance. “Yeah, yeah, discuss yesterday’s deal. You already told me, poindexter. What is there to discuss?”

Ford rolled his eyes. “Please do not interrupt me Stanley, that is very rude.” He took something out of his pocket and offered it to Stan, who eyed it suspiciously. “Relax, I simply wrote a list for you.”

Stan read through the list with apparent disinterest. He put it in his pocket and scoffed. “Do you want me to help you put on your clothes too, your majesty?”

Ford’s fists tightened. He didn’t want to engage in his brother’s childish banter but he was not about to let his brother talk to him like that in his own house. But he still needed to remain calm, he was the mature one of the two, after all. He clenched his teeth before replying. “You say as if I was forcing you to do anything. I’m not the one who called and asked to stay here. I’m being very generous, considering I wouldn’t have to be, Stanley.”

Stan scoffed, an angry scowl on his face. “Generous? Generous, Ford?? You’re kidding right? This!” He took the piece of paper out of his pocket and put it in front of Ford’s face. “This isn’t generous! You're basically telling me to be your unpaid servant!”

Ford slap Stan’s hand away, matching his expression. “Unpaid? I’m letting you stay in my house! Even after what you did over ten years ago!”

Stan got dangerously close to Ford, noses barely inches away from touching. “Oh let that go already! You act as if I had ruined your life somehow. But look at you! You’re living it up in your fancy cabin in the woods, but of course, it’s too much to ask to let my eight year old stay here. So, what? You want me to be your servant for a mistake I made when I was a teenager? And you see nothing wrong with that? Piss off, Ford.”

Under other circumstances, Ford might have noticed a tear forming in the corner of his brother’s eye or the way his voice almost broke into a sob. But Ford was seconds away from punching his brother in the face.

“I could have gone to the college of my dreams! That was my way out of that hell! But all you cared about was that stupid boat!” Stan flinched at that, but Ford didn’t notice, eyes weirdly wet all of a sudden. “You showed me you couldn’t be trusted that day, Stanley. You just had to destroy something so important to me because you’re too selfish to-“

“It was an accident!” Stan yelled in his brother’s face.

They stood in silence, breathing heavily, staring into each other’s eyes. Ford took a step back and looked at his brother with disdain.

“I don’t believe you.” He whispered.

Stan’s face went through many different emotions in a second. Grief, regret, hopelessness, but it finally settled on an angry scowl again. He was ready to punch Ford’s perfect teeth in, already in a fighting stance. He didn’t care that he needed to stay in the house, right now, all he wanted was to hurt his brother. Ford felt pretty similar, also in a fighting stance, ready for a fight.

And that’s what would’ve happened if a scream hadn't pierced the air. The two brothers looked at each other in surprise, unsure of what to do.

“Lee!” The scream came from outside.

With one last glance at each other, they bolted towards the door.

~*~

In retrospect, she should’ve started yelling sooner. But, in her defense, she was still in shock at the sheer amount of gnomes (the fact that gnomes existed barely surprised her, it was more about the amount) and had felt pretty confident that she could beat them on her own. And she had been winning.

That is, until they got together forming a giant gnome monster. Which was cheating, by the way.

Things had gotten pretty out of control after that.

She was currently being held in a giant hand made of gnomes, her sword shaped stick long forgotten on the floor. She punched the gnomes with her fists in a desperate attempt to get free but it soon proved to be useless, the gnomes barely even whined when she hit them.

She would hit them harder but she hadn’t eaten a lot today. That was the reason. Absolutely. She was just lacking energy at the moment.

She punched a gnome in the face, hoping to at least do some damage. He just cried out in pain. She huffed, disguising her growing fear with annoyance.

“Uhm, why are you doing this?? This is not how you’re supposed to play!”

One of the gnomes (apparently the leader) spoke up and the hand brought her closer to the giant gnome-malgamation’s face. “Heh, we’re sorry about this but you left us no choice, you were kind of kicking us. I mean, look at Schmebulock! He can’t even join the formation!”

Said gnome was lying face down on the floor. Evelyn looked at the leader straight in the eyes and did what you do when you’re being accused of assault. “That wasn’t me. Pretty sure he just passed out naturally.” She lied.

The leader raised an eyebrow skeptically and then shrugged. “Actually, that might have happened, he’s a pretty weird gnome.” Evelyn smiled proudly. Hey it worked! The gnome, however, was not finished. “But that’s not the reason we’re taking you.”

“Yeah? Well what’s the reason?”

“We’re taking you so you can become our queen’s playmate. Or pet, I don’t know what she’ll prefer.” The gnome puffed out his chest, smiling.

“You’re kidnapping me so I can play with your queen??” She asked in disbelief.

“That’s right!”

“Well, if she wants to play with me, maybe she should come and meet me in person.” Evelyn said, crossing her arms and looking away.

The gnomes chuckled. “She can’t do that. She cannot leave her palace, it’s too dangerous. That’s why we’re collecting you!”

Evelyn eyed the leader incredulously. He didn’t seem to notice. “So what do you say? Want to become our queen’s pet forever?” The leader asked with a smile on his face.

Evelyn scratched her chin in thought. She started squirming again. “Never! Let me go! You overgrown ceramic pieces of garden decorations!”

“That’s oddly specific- OW!” The gnome was interrupted by a punch in his face. Evelyn smiled proudly. “Ok that’s enough! We’re leaving whether you like it or not!”

The giant gnome suddenly stood up, to Evelyn’s horror. She let out a terrified scream. They were going to take her. She had to do something now. She breathed in as much air as she could. “Lee!” She let out a long, piercing scream.

“Hey, wait. Who are you calling-“ the leader started before they heard a door slam open.

“Uhm. What the heck?!” A voice yelled from the house.

The giant gnome turned around. Just outside of the house were two almost identical humans staring at them.

“Wow.” One of the gnomes in the knee (a kgnome if you will) said. “The scientist copied himself.” Many whispers of agreement were heard among the gnomes.

The new scientist, the one with long hair, took a step forward with an angry scowl on his face. “What do you think you’re doing with my daughter?”

The leader looked around, nervously. Ok, he was hoping they wouldn’t be found out but he could still salvage this. “Now, this isn’t what it seems.”

The scientist spoke, similar scowl on his face. “Oh, so you aren’t trying to kidnap my niece?”

The leader looked at Evelyn and then back at the two men. “No.”

Evelyn gasped. “Liar! Yes you are!”

The leader shushed her and smiled anxiously at the angry men. “We’re really not. And we didn’t know she was your niece! We would’ve done this more quickly if we had known. I mean! If we had been trying to kidnap her that is.”

There was a moment of silence where everyone stared at each other.

The clone spoke up. “I’m not buying it. Release my daughter now.” He reached over the house’s wall and grabbed a broom that was leaning against it. He aimed it at them, menacingly.

That only seemed to anger the leader. “I’m sorry, clone! But we got to her first! We’re taking her to our queen and you can’t do anything to stop us. In this form we are invincible!”

“Invincible? Yeah right! That’s not true, right Ford?” He turned around to look at his brother. Ford’s face was filled with panic. “Right Ford?”

For looked away. “Sorry, Stanley. I haven’t found a weakness just yet.” He said in a barely audible whisper.

Stan looked at the giant gnome, already walking away. Evelyn was punching the gnomes with her tiny fists, casting desperate glances at her dad. They were taking his daughter and he couldn’t do anything about it. He had to do something, he refused to lose her daughter to a bunch of garden decorations.

“Hey! Wait!” Stan screamed, taking a step forward.

The gnome turned around. “Ough, what do you want?”

Stan smiled at them amicably. “Sorry about all the yelling, I think we started on the wrong foot. I don’t think we’ve been introduced. I’m Stan, you?”

Ford stared at his brother in bewilderment. “Stanley, what are you doing?” He whispered. Stanley ignored him, eyes stuck on the gnomes.

The gnome took a step towards Stan and Ford. The leader chuckled, suddenly seeming to be more relaxed. Evelyn had stopped squirming, suddenly completely still. “Oh, it’s alright, at least you weren’t punching us like the kid here.” The hand holding Evelyn raised a bit, she didn’t move or make a sound. “I’m Jeff! And these are Carson, Steve, Jason, Andy, that one passed out on the floor is Schmebulock, Mark-“

Stan laughed loudly. “Oh wow! There are a lot of you for sure. That’s amazing.” His smile never left his face and neither did his eyes leave the gnomes. “Y’all seem like nice people but I have to ask you, why are you trying to take my daughter?”

“Well, our queen is really lonely and we’re getting her someone to spend time with. It’s nothing personal, we just need to kidnap your kids specifically for our queen.” Jeff shrugged.

Stanley nodded in acknowledgment. “I get that but you must understand I don’t want you to take my daughter forever.” His voice wavered a little at the end, barely noticeable. “I’m sure we can come to some sort of agreement, so we both win, how’s that sound?”

There were several whispers among the gnomes. Stan’s smile had an anxious edge to it and sweat was falling down his face, but his posture remained relaxed and he didn’t stop smiling. Ford tried to decipher what he was doing but couldn’t quite understand. Was he really going to hand over his daughter to a bunch of gnomes? That’s too irresponsible, even for Stanley.

The gnomes stopped talking and Jeff spoke up. “After some deliberation, yeah sure. We can reach an agreement but we’ll set the terms!”

Stan laughed again. “Of course, of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He finally broke eye contact with the gnomes ad casted a glance towards a very still Evelyn. “Say, why don’t you put down my daughter and we can discuss like civilized huma- er, civilized humanoid. Creatures. Mammals? Whatever our common group is.”

Jeff rubbed his chin and then shrugged. “Sure. But don’t try anything funny or we won’t come to any agreement.”

Stanley nodded, smile still stuck on his face. Slowly, the hand came down and released its grip on Evelyn. Once she was free she looked back at the giant gnome before bolting to hug Stan. He ruffled her hair, still looking at the gnomes and whispered something to her. She reluctantly let go and hid behind Ford. Ford looked at her in surprise but quickly put a hand in front of her, protectively. Evelyn clung to his sleeve like a life line.

Stan looked at the gnome up and down and then let out a whistle of admiration. “That’s a very impressive technique you guys have, I’m amazed!”

The gnomes giggled and some puffed up their chest (as best as they could in the position they were in). “Thank you! It is very impressive, isn’t it?”

Stan chuckled, casually putting his hands in his pockets. “Sure is. Say, how you do that?”

“Oh it’s quite simple really! We practice a lot, all of us have a degree in gnome formation. The key is to have good team coordination, accomplished by having a great leader, such as myself.” Jeff smiled proudly.

Stan lifted an eyebrow. “The key is the leader you say?”

Jeff nodded, pleased with the attention. “Yeah! Without a leader these whole thing would tumble down and-“

Jeff tragically didn’t get to finish his explanation before a cold, metal surface collided against his face, knocking him off the giant gnome. He fell to the ground with a pained yell. The rest of the gnomes looked a Stan, who was standing in a fighting stance, brass knuckles on his hands. He wasn’t smiling anymore, instead, he wore a furious scowl on his face. The gnomes stared in shock as Stan grabbed the broom again.

“We surrender?” One of the gnomes spoke up from the giant gnome.

Stan let out a loud laugh, leaning backwards. He stared at them, fury glinting in his eyes. “Oh it’s too late for that, buddy. You planned to kidnap my daughter. You’re going down.” He said menacingly.

And with that said, he swung the broom at them, knocking them down like bowling pins. The gnomes scattered around, trying to regroup, but Stan didn’t give them a chance, hitting them as soon as they got up.

It was almost comical, in a way, Stanley chasing the gnomes and sweeping them with the broom towards the woods. Ford stared as his brother yelled at the gnomes to leave. He was being surprisingly successful, usually he couldn’t beat the gnomes. Let alone just with a broom.

“Climb on him!” One of the gnomes yelled from the ground before jumping on Stan’s back. Several more gnomes began to imitate him. Stan was beginning to be overwhelmed by the amount of gnomes attacking him, slowly losing the battle.

Ford felt the grip on his sleeve tighten. He huffed angrily, feeling a burning sensation in his heart. A feeling that urged him to go protect his brother.

Ford frowned, as if he was going to let a bunch of gnomes beat up his brother. With no other thought, he grabbed a rake (he didn’t remember owning a rake but whatever) and rushed to his brother’s side. With a quick swing he got four gnomes off his brother’s back. Stan turned around in surprise and just stared at him for a second. Then he smiled at him like he hadn’t done in over ten years.

“Heck yeah, Ford!” Stan raised the broom in the air in celebration.

Ford couldn’t help but smile back and raise his rake in the air as well. “Let’s show them how we do it in Jersey.”

And with a war cry they both launched against the gnomes and began to swipe at them, pushing them towards the woods. Each time they managed to hit one they howled in celebration.

They had already gotten most of the gnomes and those that hadn’t been hit by the terrifying rake and broom were already running away, not wanting to face the two very angry brothers.

Evelyn had been staring at her dad and uncle with awe. She noticed that Jeff was starting to get up from the floor and quickly rushed towards him. She picked him up and began to take him to the edge of the woods. She stopped by the bushes and held him in her hands.

“Hey! Let go of me!” He screamed, squirming in her grasp.

She smiled before gently (but not too gently) throwing him towards the woods. She watched him disappear into the woods with a bright smile. “And don’t come back!” She yelled, waving her fist in the air.

A hand suddenly ruffled her hair and she turned around to find Stan standing behind her. “Way to go, pumpkin! You really showed them who’s boss!”

He picked her up and placed her on his left shoulder. She looked at her side and saw her uncle standing by them, staring into the woods. He looked at her dad and he stared back. Their smiles seemed a little sad.

But then Ford looked back at the woods. “Pines, Pines.” He began chanting.

Stan looked at Ford in surprise but quickly followed his example. Evelyn looked at the two of them with curiosity before smiling and copying them. And soon enough, the three of them were chanting “Pines, Pines!” Into the woods.

They stopped when their throats began to feel hoarse. Then they stared at the, now free of gnomes, woods.

“Ford.” Stan suddenly asked.

“Yes, Stanley?” Ford replied calmly.

“Quick question, what the heck was that??” Stan yelled.

Ford’s face scrunched in discomfort. “A bunch of gnomes attacked us and tried to kidnap your daughter, I think it was pretty obvious.” Evelyn couldn’t help but nod in agreement, it really had been obvious.

“So those were real, breathing gnomes?? Not some weird robots you created and accidentally went rogue??” Stan asked in a high pitched tone.

Ford looked at him in confusion. “Why are you surprised? You already knew the supernatural was real. We encountered the Jersey Devil, remember?”

Stan fully turned to look at his brother, eyes almost impossibly wide. “You’re telling me the Jersey Devil was real??”

“Of course it was! What did you think happened that day??”

“I don’t know! I thought I hit my head a bit too hard in that cave!” Stan said, waving his free arm around.

“What? No, that was real. The gnomes too. They’re just one of the many different anomalies that live in Gravity Falls.”

Stan passed a hand through his messy hair. “Different anomalies? There’s more?” He murmured in shock.

Evelyn looked at her uncle. “With anomalies you mean creatures?”

Ford nodded. “Yes, I suppose you could call them that.”

She squirmed until her father set her down on the ground. She looked up at her uncle in awe. “Like fairies?”

Ford chuckled. “Yes, actually. There are at least ten different types of fairies in these woods and those are only the ones I’ve found.”

Evelyn stomped her feet rapidly on the ground, excited. “Fairies are real!”

“Fairies are real!?” Stan asked, looking at his brother like he was hoping it was all a joke.

Ford frowned a little to show he was serious. He had already been ridiculed by his colleagues for studying what they called ‘fantasy’ and ‘fiction’. He was not about to let his brother do the same.

“Ok, what else is there?” Stan asked.

“I beg your pardon?” Ford blinked perplexed.

“What other anomalies are in Gravity Falls?” Stan repeated, looking at the floor. “If we’re staying here, I think it’s best if we know what we might find.”

Evelyn agreed with a nod. “Yeah, it’s better to keep check of all the threats.”

“Plus,” Stan kicked a rock with his boot. “It’d be cool- well, I bet there are some cool creatures in here that you could tell us about.”

Ford just stared at Stan. He didn’t think anyone had ever asked him about his current research before. No one ever seemed to be interested in learning about the creatures he found. That or they thought he was crazy. And now, there were two people wanting him to tell them about the wonders of Gravity Falls. He couldn't help but feel a warmth grow in his heart.

Someone pulled on his jacket. He looked down and found his niece staring at him with big, curious eyes. “I’d like to know about the fairies. I love fairies. Oh my god, are there sphinxes here too?? Are they real?? I love sphinxes too.”

Ford smiled at her and ruffled her hair, much like Stan usually did. “Well, I'd love to tell you all about the creatures of Gravity Falls. Let’s go inside.”

He started to walk towards the house, Evelyn happily trotting behind him.

Stan smiled at the sight. This had been a good idea after all.

Chapter Text

“Stanley, please, it’s not that funny.” Ford muttered, annoyed.

Stan was currently kneeling on the kitchen floor, laughing in loud cackles. Every few seconds he tried to calm down only to fall on his knees again, wheezing. Evelyn looked from her dad in concern to her uncle in confusion. She didn’t think it was that funny either.

“Too stupid… to study?” Stan managed to ask in between laughs.

Ford crossed his arms and closed his eyes. “It’s simply an objective observation, the bloody thing is ridiculous.”

Stan finally managed to climb back onto his chair, whiping a tear from his eye. “Man, what did the hawktopus ever do to you?” He chuckled again.

“It’s just stupid.” Ford answered, looking very annoyed to be talking about the hawktopus.

“Exactly!” Stanley exclaimed, still giggling occasionally. “It’s awesome! I mean, it's a hawk and an octopus mixed together. A flying octopus! And you don’t want to study it! I want to know more about it. Tell me facts. Like, how does it even work?”

Ford huffed. “I've shown you over a hundred different fascinating creatures and you’ve asked barely anything about them besides their weaknesses. And it’s the hawktopus you're interested in?”

“How could I not? Look at it! It’s so majestic.” Stan asked, barely holding back a laugh. This time, Evelyn giggled at her dad’s comment. “See? She gets it!”

Ford grimaced. “I think you’ve had enough information for today. It’s already… five pm?” Ford stood up in shock. They’d been talking for almost six hours and he hadn’t even noticed, too distracted in his ranting.

“Oh no.” Stan whispered and then looked at his daughter. “We skipped lunch! Why didn’t you tell me you were hungry?”

Evelyn simply shrugged, looking away. “I forgot.”

Stan sighed. “I’ve told you to tell me when you’re hungry.”

“Well, sometimes we can be so invested in something that we forget to eat, nothing wrong about that.” Ford interjected.

“You shut up. I bet you haven’t eaten in days.” Stan growled.

Ford rolled his eyes and walked towards the fridge. “Oh, calm down. You can just feed her now.”

“Eh, are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, why are you asking that- Oh.” Ford looked inside the almost empty fridge.

“Yup.” Stan looked over Ford’s shoulder. “You don’t have a lot of food.”

Evelyn looked inside the fridge too, just to feel included. “You have cool forks though.”

Ford closed it, embarrassed. “Well, yes. I guess I haven’t checked it in a while.” He shot Stan a look before he could say anything. Stan simply smiled smugly at him. “Well, I should go work on my research. Stanley, if you could go buy some groceries, it’d be very appreciated.” This had been a great arrangement, he didn’t have to go to town at all now.

Stan looked away uncomfortably. Ford raised an eyebrow. “Something wrong Stanley?”

“Well, erm.” Stan shuffled his feet, avoiding looking at his brother. He mumbled something that Ford couldn’t quite hear.

“What was that?”

Stan groaned and looked at the floor. “I said I don’t have any money… to buy groceries.”

“Oh.” Ford looked away, uncomfortable. He hadn’t even considered but, in retrospect, it made sense. His brother was homeless didn’t have a house at the moment, it wasn’t that odd that he couldn’t buy food either.

Evelyn grasped her dad’s hand. “He lost his wallet on our way here.”

Oh so that was it. His brother had always been careless with his stuff (no he hadn’t). “Ah, right. Well,” he rummaged in his pocket for a second and took out his wallet. “Since the groceries are for my house, I’ll pay for them. Here, will this be enough?” Ford asked, handing him a 50 dollar bill.

Stan’s eyes went wide and looked at his brother with uncertainty. “Ford, I can’t…”

“Nonsense, Stanley. Just go buy groceries, I’ll be in my study.” He shoved the bill onto his brother's hand before leaving the room.

Stan clutched the bill tightly. “Thanks.” He whispered even though his brother couldn’t hear him.

~*~

Well, he finally had enough money to buy actual food. This actually improved his mood as he got ready to go out. He mentally made a list of the things he would buy and what he could cook with it. Should he just buy essentials or buy something special he wanted his daughter to try? He was giddy at the thought that he actually had the ability to choose both.

Once he made sure he had his car keys, he went into the kitchen to get Evelyn. She was currently doodling in her notebook, tongue sticking out in concentration.

“Hey, Lyn. I’m ready, let’s go.” He called her.

She looked at him and pouted. “Do I have to? I’m in the middle of a drawing!” She whined.

Stan debated it for a second. It wouldn’t be the first time he went shopping and left her alone. She wouldn’t even be alone, Ford was in the house even if he was busy.

“Fine, but don’t annoy Ford too much.” Stan kissed her in the forehead before leaving the kitchen.

“Bye dad! Be careful!” She yelled as she resumed her drawing.

Stan looked up the stairs where he had seen his brother disappear into. “Ford!” He shouted.

“What?” Came Ford’s annoyed reply from upstairs.

“I’m leaving already!” He shouted again.

He heard a groan. “Fine!”

“Also, I’m leaving Evelyn here!”

“Alright!” Ford shouted annoyedly.

“Did you hear it?”

“Stanley! I’m working, stop!” Ford sounded angry.

Stan raised his hands in defense. “Ok, ok!” He turned towards the door. “Jerk.” He muttered as he walked towards his car.

~*~

Ok, his brother had never been a very social person but this was ridiculous. His brother had been living in Gravity Falls for around seven years from what he had told them. And sure, they had been almost identical when they were kids, they were twins after all, but for God’s sake he had a freaking mullet, they were very different by now.

So why in God’s name was Stan being confused with Ford at the freaking grocery store?

“That’s no stranger, that must be the mysterious scientist from the woods.”

Everyone at the store awed.

“What?” Stan deadpanned.

“What kinds of creepy experiments do you do in your cabin in the woods?” Someone asked.

Stan blinked at them. “Uhm. Ok so there seems to be a misunderstanding. I’m not the scientist guy. That’s my twin brother, Ford.”

“A clone you say?” One guy asked and everyone awed. Again.

What was this people’s deal?

“What? I said twin.” Everyone squinted their eyes. “Why are you people having such a hard time believing that the scientist has a twin??”

One woman shrugged. “It just seems more likely that the scientist cloned himself than him having a secret twin.”

Stan huffed. “Seven years. He’s lived here for seven years and no one knows him.” Stan muttered . “I’m going to kill him.”

A kid gasped, hiding behind their mom. “The clone is rebelling against his creator!”

Everyone gasped and took a step back. This was getting ridiculous.

“Wait, I think I know who this is.” A woman with brown hair spoke up. He vaguely recognized her from somewhere. “You’re the nice fella who came into the diner with your cute daughter yesterday, right?”

Stan remembered where he had seen her. She was a waitress at the diner he had stopped at with Evelyn yesterday. He had been unable to find his brother’s creepy cabin and he had gone there for directions. She had been nice even though the food was overpriced. Five dollars for a serving of pancakes? What was he? Made of money?

“Yes! That’s me! See, I can’t be a clone.” Stan said triumphantly.

The people looked around with skepticism but eventually nodded and murmured to themselves. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

Man. No wonder Ford hadn’t gone to buy groceries himself, this was extremely frustrating.

“Well if you’re not the scientist then we’re leaving.” And then all of them returned to their shopping like they hadn’t just cornered him in the bread aisle.

“Bye I guess.” He said to no one.

“Sorry, we’re just really curious about that twin of yours.” Stan turned around and saw that the waitress was still there. She smiled warmly at him. “Most interesting thing to ever happen in here.”

“Really? I can name at least one thing way more interesting than whatever Ford has going on.” Stan immediately thought of the gnomes. And had to repress a snicker when he remembered the hawktopus.

The woman leaned closer. “Oh, did you meet the uhm… wild life yet?” She whispered confidentially.

“Yeah. It was pretty weird.”

The woman chuckled. “Oh, it can be like that. Don’t worry, you get used to it. How long are you two staying by the way?”

Stan rubbed the back of his neck. “Eh, I don’t know. But we’re staying for a while at my brother’s creepy cabin in the woods.” He wiggled his fingers to emphasize the scariness of the cabin.

“Oh you! Well aren’t you a charmer!” The woman exclaimed with a chuckle. “I’m Susan, by the way.” She extended her hand with a smile.

Stan shook her hand with a pleasant smile. “Name’s Stanley, but ya can call me Stan.”

“Well, nice to meet ya, Stan! It’s not everyday that there’s a new face around here.”

“Well, it was pretty damn hard to find this place so I’m not surprised.” Stan laughed.

“Yeah, it’s not in a lot of maps.” Susan let out a chuckle. They stared at each other in a pleasant silence before Susan looked at her watch. “Well, I should probably get going.”

Stan looked away. “Oh, yeah, me too. Have to make dinner.”

“Well, since you two are staying here for a while, you should come to my diner sometime. Kids eat for free on Fridays.” Susan said, adjusting her hold on her purse.

“Well, I do love free stuff.” Stan said with a smile.

Susan winked at him and turned around to leave. “See you around then, Stan.”

Stan raised a hand to say goodbye. “See ya.”

He saw her disappear into the fruit aisle. He looked around, as if someone was watching him. He put his hands in his pockets before continuing his purchase. She was nice. And quite good looking too. He shook his head to take the thought out of his mind. “Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. Evelyn would eat her alive.” He muttered as he eyed the bread. He picked up a loaf of bread. It was onion bread apparently. “Why do they keep inventing more types of bread??” Stan put it into the basket anyway.

~*~

Fiddleford happily hummed along to the song playing on the radio, tapping his fingers rhythmically against the steering wheel. He was coming back up from visiting his family in Palo Alto. He enjoyed working with Ford but he had been happy to see his family again. Besides, it really took the stress off of him to spend time with his son and wife. Not like he was too stressed, just the normal amount of stress you have when you’re working on a project with your best friend.

He looked around into the woods, feeling watched. He always felt watched in this place. Worst thing was, he probably was being watched. If it weren’t the gnomes then there were the fairies but it seemed something was always there. Observing him. Following him. He gripped the steering wheel tighter and tried to relax. It was fine, he was fine. He just had to avoid going into the woods, most things didn’t get too close to the lab.

He had almost arrived at the lab.

Sure, he had had a few nasty encounters with the local wildlife but nothing that was constantly in his mind. He’d be fine, he was probably just overthinking everything.

He stopped the car but didn’t make a move to get out. He breathed deeply, his grip on the steering wheel intensifying. He buried his face in his hands. He would be fine. He was going to go in, make sure Ford hadn’t starved himself to death and then go into his room and rest. Then he would continue to work with Ford on the project.

Fall back into the routine.

And everything would be fine.

He took one deep breath and adjusted his glasses. Yes. He was just being too anxious about everything.

He quickly turned off the engine and exited the car. Once his bag was out of the car, he began to make his way towards the lab.

He opened the door (he didn’t need to use his key because Ford was apparently allergic to locking his lab) and left his bags on the floor.

He looked at the messiness of the house. Good to see Ford hadn’t decided to clean up while he was gone. He noticed some papers and books had been moved out of the way against the walls. Maybe Ford had finally lost it due to isolation. He shook his head with a small smile. He had missed his friend. Not his messiness though.

He looked towards the stairs. Ford would either be in his study or in the basement. He remembered when Ford had set fire to the kitchen while he was out for a weekend when they were in college. He grimaced. Making sure there wasn’t a fire first, saying hi to Ford later.

Trying not to trip on anything, he made his way towards the kitchen.

He froze in the entrance.

Right at the kitchen table, looking straight at him, was a little girl. He stared at her, unmoving. She just stared back, frozen in place.

“Ford.” He called out without taking his eyes off the little girl.

“Ah, F, is that you?” Ford answered from upstairs.

“Ford, why is there a child in your kitchen?” Fiddleford’s voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

There was a moment of silence.

“What child?” Ford said in confusion.

Fiddleford took a step back, terrified. The little girl stiffened at the sudden movement, fear flashing through her face for a second, but Fiddleford didn’t notice. He frantically looked for something in his jacket. Where had he put it??

“What are you?” Fiddleford stuttered, almost stumbling with a stack of papers. “A shapeshifter? A ghost??” He asked, voice increasingly anxious.

The girl opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before answering. “Boo.”

Fiddleford jumped back with a high pitched noise and almost had a heart attack when he bumped into something big. He turned around and let out a sigh of relief when he saw Ford.

Ford stared at the girl and blinked a couple of times. Seemed like he didn’t know she had been in his kitchen either. Fiddleford didn’t know if that made him feel better or worse.

“Evelyn! What are you doing here?” Ford asked.

What?

~*~

Ford had completely forgotten two things.

One, this was the day F returned from visiting his family.

And two.

He had a niece now.

It was an embarrassing moment of forgetfulness but it still didn’t explain what she was doing at his kitchen.

“Evelyn! What are you doing here?”

“I’m drawing.” Evelyn answered, her eyes shifting from him to F.

“And where’s your father?” Ford asked in utter confusion. Weren’t they going out to buy groceries?

Evelyn frowned in confusion. “He went to buy groceries?”

“And he left you here??”

Evelyn shrugged. “I didn’t want to go.”

Ford huffed and raised his arms, exasperated. “I can’t believe he left you here without telling me!”

Evelyn tried to lift an eyebrow but failed. “He did tell you, right before leaving. You even answered him.”

Ford looked away, feeling his face heat up a little. “I would remember if he had.”

Evelyn frowned at him. “Yeah, sure you would.”

Ford didn’t know children could use sarcasm until that very moment. He preferred when he didn’t know that.

A sudden cough caught his attention. He looked at his assistant, who was now facing him, the terror gone from his face and replaced by a frown. Why was everyone frowning at him today?

“Ford, why is there a child in yer house?”

“Oh, she’s my brother’s daughter. They’re staying here for a while.”

F looked at him perplexed. “I thought Shermie had a son? And why is he staying here?”

Ah, right. He had never mentioned Stanley had he? “No, not Shermie. My other brother.”

F kept staring at him so he continued. “My twin brother.”

F didn’t say anything. “Stanley.”

A pause. “That I had never told you about before.”

“Stanford Filbrick Pines.” F took a deep breath. “We’ve known each other fer over 10 years and this is the first time I hear about you having a twin brother?”

Ford looked away uncomfortably. “It never came up.”

F looked at him like he wanted to strangle him. “It never came up?” He screamed in his face. “How does a twin brother never come up?”

“Maybe he forgot, like he forgot I was in the kitchen.” Evelyn piped in from the kitchen table.

Ford frowned. “I didn’t forget! Stan just didn’t tell me!”

Fiddleford shushed him and shot him an angry look. “We’ll talk about this later.” He then turned towards Evelyn with a gentle smile. “Sorry fer scaring ya dear, I just got startled.” He turned towards Ford again. “Why didn’t you tell me yer brother and niece would be staying here?”

“They arrived yesterday, I didn’t have a lot of time to let you know!” Ford defended himself. That and he had forgotten. But he wasn’t about to tell that to a very angry Fiddleford.

F eyed him up and down. “Very well, I’ll give you that one.” He looked back at Evelyn who had gotten down from the chair at some point and was staring up at them. “Ah, I haven’t introduced myself, how rude of me.” He knelt down and gently offered her his hand. “My name’s Fiddleford McGucket, I’m yer uncle’s research partner. What’s yer name, dear?”

Evelyn eyed his hand suspiciously and looked at Ford, as if asking for permission. Ford looked confused before nodding. Evelyn shook his hand. “I’m Evelyn. Nice to meet you… Fiddlesticks?” She asked hesitantly.

Fiddleford chuckled lightly. “Yeah, my name’s kind of a mouthful. Ya can jest call me Fidds if that’s easier to ya.”

Evelyn let go of his hand and smiled mischievously. “I think Fiddlesticks is fine.”

Fiddleford heard Ford stifle a laugh from behind him and rolled his eyes. “Well, if that’s what you want to call me, then it’s alright.” He smiled at her.

Suddenly, a grumbling noise came out from Evelyn and she blushed, hiding her hand behind her back.

“Aw, dear, are ya hungry?” Fiddleford asked sympathetically. “When was the last time you ate?”

Evelyn looked behind him and hesitated before answering. “Five- four hours ago?” She asked more than answered.

Fiddleford turned around to see Ford raising four fingers and showing them at Evelyn while mouthing something. He quickly hid his hands behind his back at Fiddleford’s angry stare. He looked back at Evelyn who smiled sheepishly.

“When did you really last eat?” He asked her again.

“I ate a celery stick with peanut butter for breakfast.” She answered with a smile. “It was really nice, it tasted so much better than the gas station food. I don’t think I had ever tried celery before. I like it, it’s like an edible stick.”

Fiddleford looked at Ford questioningly but he seemed to be at as much of a loss as him.

“Ford, did you go shopping like I told you to?” Ford simply looked away. He sighed. He should’ve guessed. “You’re lucky I brought some stuff from home just in case.”

“That was very practical of you.”

Fiddleford rolled his eyes. “Don’t you think you can flatter your way out of this one, Stanford. Besides, it was Emma-May’s idea. She said you wouldn’t remember to buy groceries even if you were being held at gunpoint.” He said as he went to look in his bags.

Ford gasped, offended. “I absolutely would, especially if I’m being held at gunpoint.“

Fiddleford returned with a plastic bag. “She wasn’t being literal, ya know?” He placed the bag on the counter and smiled at Evelyn. “Would you like to eat a sandwich, dear?”

Evelyn leaned towards Ford. “Can I eat what he gives me?”

Ford looked at her, quizzically. “Why wouldn’t you be able to?”

“So he’s trustworthy?”

Ford looked at her to see if she was joking but she seemed solemn. “Uh, yes, he’s my friend.”

Evelyn nodded with a serious expression and then smiled at Fiddleford as if nothing had happened. “Yeah! I love sandwiches!”

Fiddleford looked at her with confusion. “Uh, well, do you want to help me?”

Evelyn beamed at him. “I can?”

“Sure you can! That way we’ll make them faster!”

“Yay!” Evelyn exclaimed as she dragged a chair so she could look over the counter.

Ford took one last look at his friend and niece before returning to his study. He had work to do.

~*~

Stan took the bags out of the back of his car with a satisfied hum. He didn’t think he had bought that much since… well he hadn’t bought that much ever. It had been almost overwhelming to realize he didn’t have to smuggle something underneath his hoodie. He still had smuggled something, as a treat. Old habits die hard after all.

He opened the front door with his elbow and made his way towards the kitchen, thinking about what he’d cook for his daughter for dinner.

He almost dropped the bags when he entered the kitchen. Sitting by his daughter as she drew in her notebook, was a lanky man. They raised their heads to look at him.

Evelyn gasped happily and ran towards him to hug him. “Dad!”

Stan quickly let the bags down so he could pick up his daughter. He held her tightly and blasted suspiciously at the stranger.

“Who the heck are you?” Stan asked, trying to seem menacing even as he was holding his daughter in his arms.

The man stood up and walked towards him with a cautious smile. “Hi! I’m Ford’s research partner. And ya must be his brother.”

Stan blinked. “Research partner?”

Fiddleford chuckled. “Yeah, Ford’s research partner that he hasn’t ever mentioned to you I presume.”

Stan couldn’t help but smile at that. “Heh, yeah. I suppose you never heard about me either?” Stan said with a little more sadness than he intended.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Fiddleford gave him a half smile.

Why was this guy apologizing for? Stan shrugged. “Eh, it’s not your fault. I'm Stanley, by the way.” He said, extending his hand.

Fiddleford shook it and raised an eyebrow. “Stanford and Stanley?”

“Yeah, our dad was a jerk.” He groaned.

“So I imagined.” Fiddleford muttered with a frown before smiling again. “You have a lovely daughter, by the way.”

Stan smiled as he left her daughter on the ground. “Well, obviously, she’s the best girl ever.” He ruffled his daughter’s hair and she giggled, holding onto his hand.

“I could tell.” Fiddleford smiled at Evelyn.

The guy seemed to be good with kids, Evelyn was being surprisingly nice to him. It was hard to fake being good with kids so Stan’s inicial distrust faded away. Well, most of it.

They heard footsteps approaching as Ford entered the kitchen.

“Ah, Stanley, you returned.” Ford looked at Fiddleford. “Ah, did you two meet already?”

“Ford.” Stan started. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a research partner living here?”

Ford groaned. “It slipped my mind ok?” He said, louder than he intended.

Stan raised his hands defensively. “Alright, geez. Calm down.” He sat down at the kitchen table and grabbed a sandwich from the plate on it. “And eat something before you pass out.”

“I’m not hungry.” Ford muttered.

“Stanford, sit down and eat. Now.” Fiddleford said, leaving no room for arguing.

Ford sat at the table and angrily picked up a sandwich.

“I can’t believe it. You made my brother take care of himself! I’m impressed!” Stan exclaimed dramatically.

“Who do you think kept him from starving in college? This man refused to take breaks, he’s so frustrating.” Fiddleford said, leaning towards Stan in confidentiality .

“I am right here.” Ford said.

Stan placed a hand on his shoulder solemnly, ignoring his brother completely. “Thank you, for making sure my brother didn’t die of starvation.”

Fiddleford put his hand over his heart. “It was my pleasure.” He said in the same solemn tone.

Stan and Fiddleford broke into laughter and then continued to tease Ford, joking about how he always forgot to eat. He was a busy guy, it wasn't his fault!

Ford groaned as he ate his sandwich. “I hate this. This is a nightmare.”

Evelyn looked at his sandwich and seemed to think something over. “If you don’t like your sandwich, we can switch.”

Ford looked at her niece for a moment and ruffled her hair. “It’s alright, but thank you, dear.”

She hummed and continued to happily eat her sandwich. This wasn't so bad. He heard Fiddleford beginning to tell a story of something that had happened at college.

It wasn’t so bad. Not this part though, this part sucked.

But that day, he went to sleep with a strange sense of ease.

Chapter Text

It was weird, waking up in a comfortable bed. Er, well, mattress, but he was not being picky. After so many years on the road and sleeping in cheap motels, even a bare mattress on the floor felt like the softest thing ever.

He stretched, careful not to wake up Evelyn, who was curled up next to him. Then he just laid there, staring at the wooden ceiling, just because he could. It was strange to know he could. That he could just lay there and do nothing with no risk of someone throwing the door down. That he was safe. His daughter was safe. And they had an almost functioning bed and a ceiling that didn’t have suspicious stains.

And he had reconnected with his brother. Although it felt less like a reconnection and more like a reencounter. He hadn’t expected his brother to act all buddy buddy with him after his anger had festered for over ten years, after all, if you never let your hopes up you can’t be disappointed. They can’t shatter what you never really had. Same way they couldn’t take his left kidney anymore, that ship already sailed back in ‘76. But, Stan had always been a family man, so in the depths of his heart (that had luckily not been taken by the organ traffickers he had stolen from) he had had at least a little bit of hope.

Of course, his brother made sure to crush it the first moment he had. He had lost the little hope he had as he read that stupid list. It’s that all his brother saw him as? Manual labor? He understood he had asked for a big favor and of course he had expected to pay him in some way. But he had made a list. He had used his precious time just to make a list of tasks for him to do. He felt pathetic enough having to ask for the help of the brother he screwed over without having to clean his house. He thought back on the list, bitterly. Clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, dust the shelves. Not breaking anything. Did he seriously have to put that as a task? He was not going to ruin his brother’s life! Again…

And what the heck did he mean by ‘check the surroundings for fallen animal teeth’. Was that a joke? Was he supposed to know it was a joke?? And if it wasn’t, did he have to check every day? Did all animal teeth count? And with surroundings, did he mean just the house’s terrain or the forest? Actually, how many acres of land did his brother own? Did Ford have a preference for molars or fangs?

He groaned as he stared at the ceiling. Why was he thinking so much about the teeth? He probably wasn’t going to do that task anyway.

Great, now his brother’s stupid list had ruined laying on his back doing nothing for him.

Oh how he wished someone would kick the door down and threaten to take one of his lungs. It was certainly better than staring at the ceiling, moping about his brother hating him.

He looked at Evelyn, peacefully resting by his side. This wasn’t about him, it never had. He had found the courage to call his brother because of her. He had driven for almost two days straight for her. He felt determination build up inside of him. He was doing all of this for her. He’d make this damn creepy cabin shine for her. He’ll show Ford that these tasks were not degrading and he’ll do it with a smile on his face. He’ll deep clean the whole house in less than two hours, he’ll show him! For Evelyn, of course.

With this new burst of energy, he carefully stood up from the mattress and put on his boots. With a deep, but quiet, sigh, he left the room, carefully closing the door behind him.

He was ready to clean the huge house.

After he prepared the first real breakfast for his daughter in a very long time. Just because he could.

~*~

Fiddleford almost had a heart attack when he came into the kitchen and someone was already there. Without thinking, he grabbed the first thing from the counter he found and aimed it towards the figure with a trembling hand. The man eyed him up and down, unimpressed and concerningly indifferent to the threat to his life. It could be because the item he had grabbed was a mere spatula.

“If you wanna threaten someone, you should pick something more threatening than a spatula.” The man said, returning his gaze to the counter.

Fiddleford blinked a couple of times trying to remember who this guy was. Memories from last night started to make its way past the morning fog in his mind. Right. This was Stanley, Ford’s brother. He would be staying here with his adorable daughter.

And he had just threatened him with a spatula. He quickly put it down, face red with embarrassment. Gosh, he must have made a total fool of himself. He managed to whisper a ‘sorry’ but was unable to look him in the eye.

“Like, for example,” Stan didn’t seem to notice Fiddleford’s embarrassment and continued talking about the spatula. “The pan, that’s way more threatening and useful.”

Fiddleford frowned at that, forgetting his embarrassment. “Wouldn’t it be better to use a knife than a pan? I think it’s more threatening. “

Stan shook his head, still focused on what he was doing. “Nah, too risky. It’s easy to disarm someone with a knife, if they grab your wrist it’s hard to move it to stab them with it. A pan, on the other hand, is larger so it has a wider range. It’s easier to hit someone with a pan than with a knife. A broom works too, surprisingly useful.”

“Yeah, I suppose those items are more of a threat but we’re talking about how threatening they seem.”

Stan hummed in contemplation. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” And after a moment of silence he added: “I could seem threatening with a broom though.”

Fiddleford let out a soft chuckle. “You seem threatening without having to hold anything.”

Stan laughed dryly. “You don’t even know what threatening looks like.”

Fiddleford felt a shiver run down his spine. Suddenly, the man seemed very different from his twin. Suddenly he looked like a completely different person. He held back the urge to take a step back. He was being ridiculous, this was a father of a very sweet child. Heck, he’d been laughing with him the night before. He wasn’t going to harm him. And even if he did, he wasn’t helpless. He absentmindedly took his hand to the inner pocket in his coat.

“Hey, I was joking.” Stan interrupted his thoughts. “You’re not gonna shoot me are ya?”

Fiddleford immediately dropped his hand and chuckled, trying to dissipate the feeling of unease that stuck to him. “Don’t even have a gun, was just thinking.” Stan simply nodded in acknowledgment before returning his attention to what he was doing.

Now the silence felt awkward. Fiddleford played with his hands anxiously. He would prefer to get threatened instead of this. He needed to think of something else. He slowly approached Stanley. “Uhm, what are you doing?” He asked, peeking over Stan’s shoulders.

“Pancakes.” Stanley flipped the pan to turn the pancake. Instead of falling back on the pan, the pancake landed miserably on the floor. Stan stared at it with disappointment. “Aw, com’on! It’s the third one!”

Fiddleford chuckled and went to grab the pan for him. “Here, lemme show ya.”

Stan moved the pan away. “No!” He shouted. He seemed surprised at his own outburst and quickly looked away. “I mean, ya don’t have to. I’ll just do it myself, besides, it’s one of my tasks.” He said that last part bitterly, pouring more batter into the pan.

Fiddleford frowned in confusion. “What do you mean task-“

“You know how to cook?” Fiddleford jumped back at the unexpected sound. He whipped around and found a very confused Ford standing behind him.

“Do ya want ta give me a heart attack??” Fiddleford put a hand over his heart as he tried to calm down.

Ford ignored him completely. Rude. “I didn’t know you knew how to cook.”

Stan flipped a pancake over, this time with the spatula. “Ford, I’ve been living on my own for over ten years and have a child. Of course I know how to cook.” He groaned as he finished plating the pancakes and put the pan on the sink.

“Oh, right.” Ford mumbled. “Where are you going?” Ford asked as Stan made his way to the door.

“To wake up Evelyn. She doesn’t like to wake up alone.” Stan simply said before disappearing through the door.

Ford simply shrugged and went to grab a plate. He drew his hand back when Fiddleford slapped it away with a spatula. “What was that for?” He asked, nursing his hand against his chest.

“It’s rude to start eating when not everyone’s at the table.” Fiddleford scolded him.

“I was going to eat it in my study.”

“Even more rude. Ya eat here or ya don’t eat at all.” Fiddleford moved a chair so Ford would sit there. Ford debated his options. He wasn’t that hungry anyway. Fiddleford must have noticed his thought process because he sighed and pointed towards the chair. “Just sit down, Ford.”

Ford sat down with huff. This was a waste of time.

“Com’on, don’t ya wanna spend some time with your niece?”

“I’ve already spent time with her.” Ford muttered into the collar of his coat.

Fiddleford raised an eyebrow, doubtful. “Really? Tell me one thing you know about her.”

“She’s eight.” Ford said confidently.

“Ya can’t even get that one right! She’s seven, Ford.”

“What? No she isn’t.”

“Sure she is, she told me yesterday.” Fiddleford blinked, perplexed.

“Well, she told me she was eight.” Ford crossed his arms. “So one of us is wrong.”

Fiddleford crossed his arms as well. This man. So stubborn. Suddenly he got an idea. He smiled mischievously. “Well, if you’re so sure, I’m sure ya won’t mind if we bet.”

“Of course not.” Ford leaned forward and looked Fiddleford in the eyes. “If I win, I get to eat in my study whenever I want.“

“Very well. But if I win, you have ta eat with everyone every day.” Ford seemed to doubt. “Unless, of course, that you think you might be wrong.”

Ford raised his head. “I’m never wrong. I accept your terms.”

Fiddleford leaned backwards on his chair with a triumphant smile. “Get ready for a lot of social interactions.”

“Don’t look so smug, I know I’m right.” Ford said.

He went to grab a pancake but his hand was once again slapped away. He groaned. He really hoped he was right.

~*~

Evelyn felt something gently caress her face. She tried to cover her head with the blanket, even though it was very hot in the room. She had been dreaming something nice and she’d like to return to it, even as the details began to slip from her mind. Suddenly, something yanked the blanket away from her. She groaned as the sunlight hit her in the face.

“Come on, Lyn. It’s time to wake up.” She heard her dad call for her. She simply put the pillow over her face. “I’ve made pancakes.”

She sat up and looked at her dad with starry eyes. “Really?” She asked, drawing out the last letter.

Her dad chuckled and pushed a stray curl off her face. “Really. Now, hurry up and get dressed before I go eat all of them.”

Evelyn did as she was told, even though she knew her dad wouldn’t actually do that. She picked up her overall to put it on and saw it was covered in mud. She pouted sadly. It must have gotten dirty when they fought with gnomes the day before. She turned to her dad and showed him the dirty piece of clothing.

Her dad took it and looked it over. “Mmmh… I think it’s too dirty for you to wear it, Lyn. And it has a hole on the knee too.”

Evelyn pouted harder. “But it’s my favorite! I have to wear it!” She explained, tears appearing in the corner of her eyes.

Her dad knelt beside her and gently put his hand on her shoulder. “Hey, I know you love it, sweetie. But it really is too dirty. I’ll clean it today and you’ll be able to wear it tomorrow. And I’ll put something cool over the knee, how’s that sound?” Evelyn nodded sadly. “Yeah, that’s right. Why don’t you go pick something else from the bag?”

She shuffled her feet toward the bag and picked a striped dress. She hated it (she didn’t, she was mad with the world. And the gnomes too) but she put it on.

“Are you ready, pumpkin?” Her dad asked her, offering his hand.

Evelyn pouted and looked away, crossing her arms. She heard her dad sigh sadly and she almost took his hand, but she was determined to stay mad.

He opened the door and stepped aside. “After you m’lady.”

“It’s your majesty, to you.” She muttered.

Her dad cackled at that. “Oh, really? Well, then I think it’s better if I escort you safely downstairs safely, your majesty.”

And before she could do anything, he swept her off her feet and placed her on his shoulders. She tried not to giggle when her dad made a terrible impression of a horse and began to go down the stairs jumping from step to step.

“What’s that I hear, your majesty? Is it laughter perhaps?” Her dad asked with a grin.

She shook her head, using all of her willpower not to laugh. “Nuh uh!” She did her best to pout but it kept turning into a smile.

“Snap. Guess we’ll need to go faster then.” With that said, Stan ran towards the kitchen as his daughter burst into giggles.

~*~

“Hey, Stan.” Fiddleford suddenly asked as they started eating their pancakes.

Stan looked at Ford with a raised eyebrow, he had been staring at him pointedly since he entered the kitchen. “Yeah?”

“How old is ya’re daughter? I don’t think I caught that.” There was a bright smile on his face but Stan could tell it was a little forced.

Stan narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Uh, she’s seven, why’d ya ask?”

But instead of answering, Fiddleford stood up and raised his fist in the air triumphantly. Ford slumped in his chair and stabbed at his pancakes with a bitter expression.

“Oh, now I know why ya love being right all the time, Ford! It feels amazing!” Fiddleford said, sitting back down and smiling widely.

“Am I missing something?” Stan asked, looking between Fiddleford and Ford.

“No.” Both of them answered at the same time.

Stan shrugged and continued to eat his pancakes.

“I’m not seven. I’m eight.” Evelyn suddenly spoke up.

Ford stood up and slammed his hands on the table with a triumphant smile. “Ha! I knew it!”

Stan looked at his daughter with frustration. “Evelyn, we’ve talked about this. You’re seven.”

“Actually, since imma turn eight in a few months, I’m living my eighth year of life. My birthday is just when I complete the year. So I’m eight.” Evelyn said, crossing her arms and smiling.

Ford nodded agreeably. “Yes, thank you. That’s absolutely correct, dear.”

Evelyn beamed at him and went to eat her pancakes.

“Ford, what are you talking about?” Stan asked, bewildered. “She hasn’t turned eight yet, she’s still seven.”

Fiddleford nodded. “Yeah, she can’t be eight until she turns eight, what you’re saying doesn’t make sense.”

Evelyn gasped, clearly offended. “I am eight! I already told you!”

“Who would know her age better than her?” Ford asked and pointed at her with his hand, as if her presence was enough proof.

Stan kept blinking rapidly as if he thought Ford was some sort of illusion. “What’s gotten into you, Ford?? Even I know that what she’s saying doesn’t make sense!”

“How can we know for certain that she really is seven? Maybe you’re lying.” Ford squinted his eyes with suspicion.

Stan frowned. Something was going on, he just didn’t know what. “Geez, Ford. What do you want? Her birth certificate?”

“Yes! That would be great. Show us so we can settle this.” Ford smiled and crossed his hands on top of the table.

Stan took a sip of coffee as he looked at his brother. He was acting kinda weird. “Can’t. I don’t have it.”

“WHAT?” Ford and Fiddleford screamed, causing Stan to spit out his coffee. Evelyn jumped at the sudden scream and scooted her chair closer to Stan.

“Don’t scream like that. It’s not big of a deal.” Stan said as he rubbed Evelyn’s back with care.

“Not big of a deal, Stanley?” Ford asked In disbelief. “She doesn’t have a birth certificate!”

“She’s technically an illegal child.” Fiddleford added, his face scrunched with worry and shock.

“I’ve never done anything illegal.” Evelyn intervened quickly. “So I can’t be illegal.”

“Very good, pumpkin.” Stan nodded and ruffled her hair. He then turned back towards the two very worried men. “Listen, we’ve been doing fine, she doesn’t need a birth certificate. I mean, I don’t have mine either and I’ve never had any problems-“

“WHAT?” Stan felt Evelyn get closer at the scream. Great. At least he hadn’t spilled coffee this time.

“Seriously. Stop that already.” Stanley looked at them, annoyed.

“You don’t have your birth certificate??” Fiddleford asked as if he was choking on something. Weird stuff.

“Nope.” Stan answered simply, taking another bite of his pancakes. Mh, he had put too much sugar now that he noticed. He’d need to find a proper measuring cup, maybe one of Ford’s science jars.

“How do you not have your birth certificate??” Ford asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Where do you even get those??” Stan had no idea where people got birth certificates. Did you have to go ask for one? That was kind of weird, it was like asking for permission for proof of being born.

“I don’t know! You just have them.” Ford exclaimed, not sounding too certain.

“What?” Fiddleford shot Ford an extremely confused look. “You have to contact the records office of your state. You seriously don’t know that?”

Ford stuttered for a moment. “Well, I’m a scientist not a lawyer.”

“What’s a birth certificate?” Evelyn suddenly asked. She had finished her pancakes and was currently licking the plate.

“It’s a paper the government gives you to prove you were born.” Stan explained as he carefully wiped her face.

Evelyn frowned in confusion. “People need to prove that they were born? But they’re right there! How could they not have been born?”

“Yeah, I dunno, it’s weird.” Stan shrugged.

“That’s not the only thing it’s for.” Ford started but was quickly interrupted by Fiddleford.

“But if she doesn’t have a birth certificate, how do you do anything? How did you enroll her in school or take her to the hospital?”

Stan stiffened at the question but quickly forced himself to relax. “Does it look like I’m made of money?”

Ford opened his mouth to say something as he eyed Stan up and down. Fiddleford quickly elbowed him in the stomach, causing the man to double over on the table, clutching at his stomach.

“I didn’t even say anything.” Ford managed to say through the pain.

“But you were going to.” Fiddleford told him harshly, last thing he needed was these two having an argument in front of a child. But he’d admit he might have elbowed him a bit too hard.

Stan took this as his opportunity to escape the conversation. “Well, that was an amazing breakfast, congratulations to the chef!” He said as he stood up and picked up his plate.

Evelyn looked up at him. “But dad, you haven’t finished your pancakes.”

Stan quickly pushed his leftovers onto her plate. “All yours kiddo.” He put his plate on the sink and walked towards the door. “Lovely eating with you but I have a house to clean.” He said bitterly before disappearing.

Fiddleford raised an eyebrow and looked at Ford. “What was all that about?”

Ford stood up, straightening his coat, seemingly no longer in pain. “No matter. What matters is that we can finally go work on our project.”

“Aren’t you gonna eat that?” Evelyn asked, eyeing his pancakes.

“You can have them.” Ford said dismissively. “Let’s go, F! We have much work to do.”

Fiddleford looked at Evelyn, who was happily eating three different stacks of pancakes, with uncertainty. “Are we just gonna leave her alone?”

Ford seemed surprised. “Stan is in the house, she will be fine.”

Evelyn nodded. “Yeah, I’m used to being alone.” She said through a mouthful of pancake.

“Not reassuring at all.”

Ford rolled his eyes impatiently. “Come on, F! She said she said she will be fine, we have work to do.”

Fiddleford hesitated for a second. “Fine. Let’s go.” He stood up and went after Ford, who was already leaving the kitchen.

Evelyn continued eating in peace. Her dad really had to find the weirdest adults to hang out with. She didn’t know what to think of their uncle and the other guy. They were nice, she supposed but she could tell they were hiding something. And people that hid stuff couldn’t be trusted, that’s what her dad had told her. Her dad was the exception because they had a rule of only five lies per day. But these men were sketchy, she’d have to keep an eye on them just in case. She silently wondered if her sword shaped stick was still outside, she’d need that to defend herself.

Ford suddenly entered the kitchen again, making Evelyn jump. “By the way, it’s better if you don’t go outside on your own, given yesterday’s incident.”

Evelyn frowned. “You’re not my dad.”

Ford was about to answer but Stan suddenly appeared behind him. “No, no, he beat me to it. You are not leaving this house alone under any circumstances, understood?”

Evelyn groaned. “But, daaaad.”

Stan raised a finger. “I said under any circumstance, ok? No loopholes.” After that, he left again.

Ford smiled smugly before turning around and leaving as well. She heard him talk with Fiddleford as they walked away.

“Did ya just smile smugly at a seven year old?”

“No. It was a normal smile.”

“Sure it was.”

She heard a click and then there was just silence. Weird. They hadn’t gone through the front door.

She ate her pancakes sadly. She was finally surrounded by nature in a place where they were supposed to be safe and yet she couldn’t go play outside on her own. She crossed her arms and pouted, even though no one could see her, this was just like being in New Mexico!

And her dad had said no loopholes! And her dad was always careful when it came to loopholes. She whined and laid her head on the table. She couldn’t even do anything inside the house, it was full of stuff! Non playable stuff. Why did her uncle have to open his mouth? Her dad probably wouldn’t have remembered about the gnomes! Probably. Well, her dad was already paranoid to begin with but this probably confirmed every single one of his fears. She should’ve screamed the moment they surrounded her so it wouldn’t have escalated. But she had been overconfident and now she couldn’t even get out of the house unsupervised!

Unless…

The porch didn’t exactly count as out of the house, did it?

She smiled and rushed towards the door with a quiet giggle, making sure that no one saw her. She quietly closed the door and sat in the stairs with a sigh of satisfaction. She really loved loopholes.