Archive of Our Own

If you ask Eddie, he’ll say that things are going better. Not perfect, but better. Better than a few months ago, where the mood at the firehouse was gloomy and the 118 group chat was basically a graveyard. Now? Now laughter is back, goofing off is back, and he doesn’t dread going to work anymore.

Ignoring his life and the shitshow it’s been– punching some guy and ending up in jail, the streetfighting and the general anger that’s constantly bubbling inside him, everything is mostly okay.

He’s better. It’s better. It’s fine

But something still feels off and he’s pretty sure that he knows what it is.

Buck.

Something feels off about Buck.

They’re hanging out again, back to their weekly movie and pizza nights with Christopher (when their schedules allow it), Buck’s at Bobby’s barbecues, he’s laughing with them at work but something isn’t right and Eddie just can’t put his finger on what.

It doesn’t seem to be any of the big things that have happened to them–

• The bombing
• The embolism
• The tsunami
• The lawsuit

And damn, it would make sense if it was one of those things, but it’s not

He doesn’t know if their friends have noticed, but he has: Buck’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes as much as it used to and Buck’s been quieter than he used to be. Maybe the others can’t tell because of how they’d all been in the previous week, maybe they forgot just how much Buck used to talk? How many facts he had, how many interesting stories he shared? He’s not like that anymore.

So Eddie tries to initiate conversation with him more, tries to prove to Buck that they can be friends again, that he’s on his side. They apologized to each other after Halloween and hugged it out and everything finally felt right again but the next day, anxiety was scratching at his chest again and Eddie didn’t know how to get rid of it. It’s right next to where he keeps his anger and he doesn’t know just how much space is left.

Even well into November, the anxiety is still there and Eddie feels like he’s going a little bit mad. He knows to some extent (and following a Buck worthy Google Deep Dive) that the cause of his anxiety, as opposed to stress, can’t always be pinpointed and that truely pisses Eddie off. He doesn’t like not knowing, he doesn’t like not knowing what’s around the corner.

Anxiety:
noun

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome

a mental condition characterized by excessive apprehensiveness about real or perceived threats, typically leading to avoidance behavior and often to physical symptoms such as increased heart rate and muscle tension.

Because fuck him, right?
Fuck everything going on and let him stew in what ever fucked up anxiety cocktail his brain is mixing up for him.

The internet says the causes are unknown– and that just won’t do.
Realistically, he should probably go see a psychiatrist about this and not rely on Reddit threads about people’s experiences, but they somewhat settle him.

Somewhat.

When they don’t: he fights, he wins. Rinse and repeat.

His chest still feels tight most days and he’s still looking over his shoulder, expecting something to be there– but nothing ever is.

He’s gone over every aspect of his life, putting them under a microscope in his mind instead of trying to get a good night’s sleep. Trying to figure out what could be suddenly attacking his mind like this.

His childhood, his parents, his school years, Shannon, their wedding, the army, Christopher, the 118– nothing sets off alarm bells and it makes him want to scream into his pillow. For some reason he’d expected his introspection to be easy.

So he takes it out on some stranger and focuses on the pain of his bruises.
People have started to notice– Buck has been asking questions– but he lies about it and carries on.
He’s fine

–

Christmas lights are up now.
Time passes, and things stay the same. Again: Mostly.

It’s not about Hen’s recent leave of absence after her accident, and it’s not about Bobby’s possible radiation poisoning… So what is it?

The anxiety isn’t there as much and Buck’s better but something is still wrong. By now, Eddie has done the math, one plus one is two, and when Buck isn’t at his 100%, neither is he. It’s stupid is what it is– he knows he loves Buck but to be this codependent that he can’t be happy if Buck isn’t happy is stupid.

Since when does his life revolve around Buck so much? Since when has he felt like this?

Queue a second introspection following these questions.

Buck

Beautiful, strong, passionate Buck.
Sensitive, loyal, bright Buck.

Buck who has this gravitational pull that Eddie just can’t seem to get out of. He did it for about a month during the lawsuit, and even then he’d still find himself picking up Buck’s coffee order by accident or ordering more food for dinner with Chris. He realised then that Buck’s pull isn’t only physical but mental and emotional, too. That maybe… It's what brought him to LA, too. After all, he’d done his training in El Paso and he’d gotten offers from multiple firehouses throughout the country and he’d gone to many meetings to figure out what the best fit would be.

He hadn’t felt a spark with any of the Captains until he’d met Bobby. He’d immediately felt at ease with the man, like a warm safety blanket had been deposited onto his shoulders.
And when Bobby had told him that he was specifically looking for someone to be their current youngest’s (Buck, he’d said) partner, it piqued his interest. He’d never been hand-picked like that.

Apparently the guy was great at his job but he needed a partner to watch his back and a partner to watch as well. He needed someone to rationalise his crazy ideas and Eddie felt perfect for the job. Something about this Buck sent a rush down his spine… and the fact that the job was in LA was an added bonus. Sure, he’d leave his parents, his sisters, and a few other family members behind… but he’d be with his Tìa Pepa and his Abuela and Chris’ mother, too. This was the move to do. It was the opportunity of a lifetime, the one he couldn’t pass on.

Their ‘enemies to friends era’ (as Chim calls it) had lasted a solid 24 hours, and after that, Eddie had found in Buck a friend he’d never had.

Day after day, Buck was there for him and he’s been there for Buck.
For Shannon's funeral arrangements, for Buck’s physio appointments, for lifts, for calls at whatever time of day during Buck’s recovery… only to stop altogether when Eddie got the news that Buck was suing them.

Not them.
The city.

He knew now that he’d overreacted… and maybe if he’d been more open instead of fighting, this would’ve never happened? Maybe Eddie wouldn’t’ve almost killed a guy, and maybe Christopher wouldn’t’ve cried himself to sleep asking to talk to Buck.

Buck who loves Christopher like none of Eddie’s friends have loved Christopher before.

Buck who claims to love hanging out with Christopher more than he loves hanging out with Eddie. Who’s bestfriend isn’t actually Eddie, it’s Christopher.

Buck who fucking saved Christopher’s life during the tsunami and who still blames himself for losing him, like he could’ve stopped a natural disaster from happening,

Buck who now comes to their house multiple times a week to comfort Christopher through his nightmares. Who calls Eddie when he has nightmares and wants to make sure Christopher is okay.

Eddie could think about Buck all night and try to find the moment where realized that Buck was one of the puzzle pieces missing from his life but the truth is, he already knows when that was. Eddie just took his damn time putting the pieces together.

If asked, people would probably say that it was when they took out the bomb from Charlie’s leg but Eddie would say that that’s wrong. It’s not after the earthquake when Buck drove him to Christopher’s school, or when Buck drove him to the hospital after his Abuela broke her hip– no it was before that. It was before they met face-to-face.

It was Eddie’s first day, his first minute in the firehouse, actually. He’d just gotten out of his truck and he’d heard this laugh. A laugh so loud, so pure, so beautiful that lights seemed to shine brighter and everything felt lighter. Eddie had no idea what could be that funny but he followed the laughter into his new place of work and when he’d seen the origin of it, who was was producing it, something clicked inside of him and he’d thought, ‘I’m going to befriend that guy’. He didn’t care who he was, if he was a firefighter, the boss’s son, or just just a delivery guy– he just knew that he had to be in that guy’s life, one way or another. When Bobby had told him that the guy in question was his partner-to-be, Buck, Eddie figured it would be the easiest thing in the world, to befriend the guy that seemed to shine like the sun.

Of course Buck had gone and made it his life’s mission to be a menace but Eddie saw right through him and he’d waited out whatever Buck was going through. He understood in the end that Buck felt a bit threatened– he wouldn’t be the youngest anymore (only by a few months, mind you), and he thought he was going to be replaced. Eddie understood that, he did.

So it makes sense, now that he thinks about it, that he doesn’t feel at his 100% if Buck doesn’t feel at his 100% either. He just doesn’t know what to do about it.

When they talk, Buck is receptive. He laughs, he replies, he pushes the conversation further, he shares his random and sometimes terrifying facts–

”Did you know that it's possible for rats to swim up your toilet piping?” Buck had said one morning after they’d just finished breakfast. “There are enough air pockets to travel all the way into your bathroom”

“No, Buck!” Hen had yelled, “We didn’t know, and I would’ve prefered it to stay like that!”

Buck comes over, he goes over to Buck’s… from the outside, everything seems normal. But Eddie knows Buck. He knows that there’s something going on.

• Buck is never free on Thursday evenings anymore and he never seems to be scheduled for work
• Buck’s been writing a lot, either in a small notebook he carries or on his iPad and he refuses to talk about it
• Buck still never seems to initiate conversation anymore

The last one really annoys Eddie, for lack of a better word. So much that he talks to Bobby about it. It’s been a few weeks now, how has no one noticed?

Bobby listens, he offers his thoughts, and while he doesn’t fully dismiss him, Eddie feels like something is holding Bobby back. He knows that Bobby and Buck are working through their own relationship right now, navigating the blurred lines between them from Captain to pseudo father, so there’s not much more he can do but wait and hope that Buck starts talking to them again.

Why is the question that’s on Eddie’s mind. The one question he has no answer to and it’s eating at him.

So he calls Maddie.

He likes Maddie, he loves that she raised Buck to be this amazing guy that he’s lucky to call his best friend. But he’s not close with her and being in her apartment feels weird. It’s never been just them two. Buck and Chimney have always been there or the others from their crew.

She’s surprised to get his call– he’s pretty sure they’ve never spoken on the phone, but when he asks to meet up, she agrees quite quickly and he feels a little bit better. If anyone will be able to help, it’s her.

–

“So,” She starts, and he settles in front of him at the table, one glass of white for him, one for her– it’s honestly one of the best wines Eddie’s ever had the chance to taste but that’s besides the point– “You’ve been here for ten minutes now, and don’t get me wrong, I’m glad, but I’m guessing there’s an ulterior motive and not just ‘I wanna get to know my Best Friend’s sister’?”

He scoffs at that and twirls the wine in his glass, watching as it goes just a bit too high near the rim. “Yeah uh… I mean, you’ve already guessed it’s about Buck.”

“Of course, either him or it would be about Chimney,” she replies, and the smile that’s on her lips is a bit… mischievous. “So… what about Buck? Is it to ask for my blessing or something?”

“Your… what?” He feels his neck go warmer and his eyes grow wider. “Your blessing? For… what?”

“To ask my brother out? Because you have it, Eddie.” Her grin is wider and Eddie’s never wanted the floor to swallow him up more than now. “Judging by your reaction…” her eyes narrow and she leans in a little bit, Eddie leaning back, “That’s not it? Forget I said anything.”

Forget? He’s never going to forget that. Has he been that obvious that Buck’s sister has picked up on his crush on Buck?

“I–” He clears his throat and promptly lifts his glass up to his lips and tips it, letting the wine go down his throat smoothly in one go. When he puts the glass back down, both of Maddie’s eyebrows are trying to reach her hairline. “Sorry.”

“Damn, Diaz. Didn’t know you could do that,” she says with a laugh, and she reaches across the table to pour him another glass. “That being said, congrats on being able to do whatever that was but this is a nice sipping wine.”

“Sorry,” he says again, and if his cheeks are red, he’s blaming the alcohol. “Um… no. I’m not here to ask you about asking Buck out but um… good to know, I guess. Yeah. Thanks. I uh… wanted to know if you thought that something was up with him? He’s been different these last few months.”

“Different? How so? I know we’ve all gone through a harsh couple of months, what with the accidents and the lawsuit and… stuff but he’s been okay with me.” He’s honestly thankful she doesn’t extrapolate on the details of what exactly has been happening.

“He seems…” he pauses and takes a proper sip of wine. “Distant? He’s with us when it matters but he pulls away a lot. He doesn’t initiate conversations as much. He says hello and goodbye, and talks when spoken to but I’ve noticed that he doesn’t just talk anymore, unless it’s with the kids.” Maddie sighs and just from that, Eddie knows everything there is to know. “Maddie, please. I’m worried.”

“Evan is… how can I put this… he’s healing.”

“Healing? Did he get hurt again?” His stomach drops at the implication and he sits up on his chair a little bit. “Was it on the job and he didn’t say anything?” Across the table, he can see Maddie’s blurry form moving and he hears her voice; she’s probably trying to interject but he’s too focused on his thoughts, too dizzy from the static in his ears to let her get a word in. “Oh God, it’s because he’s scared that Bobby’s going to bench him again, isn’t it?”

“Eddie!” She says, loudly enough to get his attention this time. He promptly shuts up and holds his breath, his eyes trained on her as he waits for her explanation.

He’s hurt, he’s hurt, he’s hurt

I didn’t notice, I didn’t notice, I didn’t notice

“He didn’t get hurt, Eddie. But yeah, he’s healing,” she repeats. “Not just physically from his previous wounds. Sure the truck, the embolism, the tsunami, all of it but– the lawsuit wrecked him, Eddie. I know you guys all apologized and you’re on good terms but you didn’t see him on his lowest days. There were days where he didn’t even want to get out of bed, where other than me, no one was talking to him. You know as well as I do that the lawsuit got out of hand and it wasn’t because of him, but it was because of his lawyer. You guys had each other, Buck only had me and I’m only one person. I was the one he called at any hour of the day after a nightmare, I was the one he called if his leg was acting up– me. Just me.”

To that, Eddie’s not quite sure what to say. He knows more details about the lawsuit now, the reason behind it all, how much money Buck turned down, but Buck never wanted to talk about it anymore and they’d all agreed to put it behind them.

Maybe Buck hadn’t been able to do that?

And shit– his leg. Of course the pain is probably still present. Hell, Eddie’s old bullet wounds still hurt sometimes, he can’t imagine what a crush injury is like long term.

“Oh...” And what else can he say? Other than that he feels like a shitty friend for not noticing that his friend was hurting more than he thought. Sure, he went through his own shit but he should’ve been there for Buck, too. “I um…”

“Eddie, I can’t tell you what he told me, but he’s decided something and that’s why he’s like this. All I can say is that overall? Buck’s really been doing well. Better than he has in the last year. He’s found friends outside of the 118 that make him feel happy and he’s just… Enjoying himself, okay?”

Other friends?

He doesn’t want to sound jealous but something in his heart hurts at the notion of that and he wonders why Buck hasn’t told them about these friends, why he’s keeping a life separate from the 118 all of a sudden.

Were they not enough?

Of course not. Of course they’re not— they’re not good enough. They turned their backs on him the moment they’d found out about the lawsuit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“I’m a horrible friend.”

“No, Eddie, you’re not,” Maddie replies, reaching across the table once more but to put a hand on his. “You’re not because you realized that something’s going on with Buck and you’re trying to help. You’re not doing it by obligation, you’re doing it because you love him. You’re doing it because you’re worried.”

“So… what can I do?”

“Keep being there for him. He loves you too, you know? When you two made up after Halloween, he immediately texted me. He missed you and Chris so much, Eddie.”

He nods at that and decidedly ignores how much his eyes are burning. “I missed him too… After Shannon, after everything, it was killing me that I wasn’t talking to him… And then we ran into him at the grocery and–”

“Oh, I do not need to hear about that again,” Maddies says, her tone resolute, and Eddie immediately understands the gravity of the situation. “I’ve been wanting to have some words with you about what you said at the grocery store, Edmundo.”

Ouf– Eddie hasn’t felt this small since his teenage years. “Yeah…um…” He clears his throat and shifts on his seat a little bit. “That was probably one of my worst moments. I don’t even remember half of what I said. Chimney said we sounded like a divorced couple.”

“Don’t you worry, Chimney told me all about it too. Something about you making Buck sound like a deadbeat dad?” It would be funny if it wasn’t so serious.

He groans at that and runs his hands over his face, letting them there as he leans over the table. “I don’t think I apologized for my behaviour that day… for the shit I said, for how I acted… I was in uniform, for Christ’s sake. Nevermind it being unprofessional but Buck didn’t deserve that kind of verbal abuse.”

“What do you remember saying?”

“Not anything that I want to repeat out loud,” He mumbles quietly, and he wishes he had a label on a bottle or a napkin he could tear up to keep his hands busy.

“Do you remember, by any chance, the word you used to describe Buck?”

He pulls his hands off his face to meet her eyes and immediately regrets it. There’s a fire burning in them that he doesn’t want to get close to. Gone is the sister that’s giving him her approval to ask her brother out. This sister is the one that had lost her childhood to raise her brother; the sister that will do everything to protect Buck. “I do. I know the word because Buck cried in my arms Eddie. He cried because he felt alone again, like when he was 13. So do you think that maybe the word used might explain why Buck is right now? Why he isn’t going to you with what’s going on?”

“I–” It clicks into place. All of it. He doesn’t even need to think about it for more than a second. “Shit. I– shit, Maddie. I never even meant it. Buck’s the complete opposite of that, you have to know that I really mean it. I would listen to him talk about how tables are built for Christ’s sake. He’s not exhausting.”

“I know that you know that, but does Buck know? Because I sure as hell don’t think he does.”

“I’m going to fix this,” Eddie says, hoping his own fire is now matching Maddies. “And I am going to ask him out. Before Christmas.”

To that, she throws her arms up in a way that Eddie can only interpret as relief and victory, somehow. “Finally!” She cries, looking up at the ceiling. “You two have only been turning around each other for the better part of two years, oh my God you have no idea how emotionally draining it’s been.”

“Do you… do you think he'll forgive me?”

“Honestly?” Eddie nods and he bites at the insides of his cheeks as he waits for the answer. “Honestly I think he’ll say he forgives you as soon as you talk to him. He’ll say he forgives you but he’ll still keep the pain hidden inside, he’ll still think about it– so really mean it when you apologize, Eddie. And keep showing up for him.”

“I’m gonna make it up to him, I swear, Maddie. I’ll apologize every day and I’ll– I don’t know what I’ll do yet, but I’ll come up with gestures so he knows how much he means to me. I’ll… I’ll write a song!” She snorts at that and he stops mid-sentence. “Ok I know I’m not the best singer but if it’ll make him happy I’ll do it!”

“Oh, I'm not laughing at your singing skills or lack-there-of… just the irony of it.”

“Irony? Of what?”

She zips her lips and takes a sip of wine. “If you’re meant to find out, you will.”

–

Maddie’s words stay with him.
He’s trying to figure out how to get Buck alone outside of work but nothing he comes up with seems to work. Either he can’t find a sitter so they hang out with Chris, or their schedules don’t align. He wants him alone. He wants to wine and dine him. He– doesn’t really know what he wants to do exactly, he just knows that Chris or their friends can’t be there.

So for now, he decides that he’s going to shower Buck with some much needed attention.

It starts with a coffee and a bagel from Buck’s favourite place that’s definitely not on his side of town. When he gives it to Buck on Tuesday morning, he doesn’t miss the many emotions that flicker across Buck’s face. Surprise, confusion, joy, apprehension, maybe?

“What’s this for?” Buck asks, an eyebrow raised as he takes the coffee from Eddie. Eddie watches as Buck reads the notes the barista put on the side of the cup and Buck’s lower lip juts out as he nods approvingly– Eddie’s had Buck’s 5 favourite drinks ingrained in his mind for over a year now and he knows when one is in or out of rotation, he knows to get the seasonal drinks, he knows to always say yes to whipped cream if it’s an option, and he knows to always say no to cow milk and to opt for oat milk. ”The environmental impact of cow’s milk is horrible, Eddie! It’s not sustainable! And sure, almond milk is pretty bad too, in terms of water consumption, but it’s not as bad. And did you know that to keep milk production going, dairy cows are bred so they give birth to a calf about once a year? Eddie! The calf has to be separated from the mother so the milk can be collected by us! For our consumption! Isn’t that horrible?! So yeah, Eddie doesn’t have cow’s milk in his fridge anymore unless it’s from a sustainable farm that Buck’s vetoed.

“Can’t a guy go get bagels and coffee for his best friend anymore?”

“Eds. Come on.”

“It’s literally that! I swear. No ulterior motive. I felt like treating you this morning, that’s all.”

There’s a faint blush on Buck’s cheeks and Eddie’s a bit proud that he’s the reason it’s there. “Besides, you’re totally right: they have the best bagels in the city.”

“Right?! I told you!”

That admission alone launch’s Buck into a monologue about how bagels are made and how to know if a place is good or not– Eddie’s pretty sure that he hasn’t said a word in two minutes but his heart feels two sizes bigger, listening to Buck info-dump. If he were to guess, he’d say that Buck did his bagel internet deep-dive about a year and a half ago, the same day they found that bakery. They’d both just gotten off a 48h shift and Buck had suggested they grab breakfast, that he’d been meaning to try that place for a while.

At the time, they’d only known each other for two months but even then Eddie knew that he was going to keep him close to him for as long as he could. That he was going to be important.

Oh if past Eddie could see him now… present Eddie would probably get punched in the nose for having allowed such a trench to be dug between them.

Step one, complete.

He has no idea what the next step is, unfortunately, but he got Buck to info-dump on him so he counts it as a win.

As it turns out, he doesn’t get many other opportunities to shower Buck with affection. He comes over, Eddie treats them to some better beer, they hang out, Buck helps Christopher with a project and everything feels as it should. It feels like they’re a family and Eddie’s heart aches with want. He wants this to be their normal, all three of them, in this house.

–

They all have plans the following Thursday to go out after their shift to a pub that has live music. Apparently, Karen has been nagging Hen to go see the singer that’s there on Thursdays these days and Hen has decided that it’s everyone’s problem. Literally.

They have the next 48 off so it’s hard to say no– Especially with May offering to babysit for them all. So there he is: it’s 8 in the evening and he’s at Hen and Karen’s, having a cocktail Karen made– it’s way too strong and tastes mostly like cherries and bad decisions but apparently they’re pregaming whatever event they’re going to.

Chris and Harry are in Denny’s room and they’re all just waiting on Chimney and Maddie before they head out at nine. Honestly, Eddie doesn’t even remember ever pregaming a night out. Hell, he doesn’t even remember ever going clubbing as a young adult. It’s nice, but it’s missing something. Someone.

“Could Buck not come?” He asks no one in particular. He watches as Athena and Hen look at eachother and they all shake their heads.

“Chimney asked him,” Hen says. “Buck told him he had plans.”

“He’s requested Thursdays off, actually,” Bobby supplies. “I’m guessing it’s the same plans he always has. I didn’t ask, I didn't want to pry… Didn’t want him to think I needed to know why he asked off.”

He wants to tell them all what Maddie said, about Buck having other friends he’s been hanging out with, but ultimately, Eddie feels like it’s not his business to tell. If Buck wants to tell them, he will in his own time.

Won’t he?

They end up taking Athena and Bobby’s minivan. Bobby’s driving, Athena is riding shotgun. The two middle seats are occupied by Maddie and Karen, and Eddie is squished between Hen and Chimney. They’re so tightly pressed together that Eddie can’t even sneak a peek at his phone to text Buck without them seeing. It’s not that he’s hoping to convince Buck to bail on his friends and hang out with them, it really isn’t (it is a little bit)– it’s that he wants Buck to know that he’s thinking about him. That’s it.

Light after light, turn after turn, Eddie finds that he has no idea where they’re going. Bobby has the GPS up but even if he looks at it, Eddie doesn’t recognize the neighborhood.“Y’all didn’t tell me where we’re going. I know it’s a pub, I know there’s live music, but that’s all.”

Karen twists in her seat to look at him, “So d’you remember that queer pub we went to a while ago?” When he shakes his head, she groans. “The queer pub, Eddie! That we went to!”

“Repeating it doesn’t make me remember, Karen!” Hen pats his knee and he leans back into his seat.

“The one all across town?” Eddie asks, trying to dig into his memory to remember where they’ve been in the last couple of years. Which, as it turns out, is many places. While they mainly go to the shields and ladders bar that’s near the firehouse, they sometimes vary the routine, have one of them choose a new place to go to. Some places are hits (The Starbound had the best music and drinks) but some are massive misses (The Low Tide– where Chimney swore he saw someone do a line of coke on the bar and where Eddie’s drink got spiked)(thankfully Buck noticed as the person had spiked it.)

“Hen, Buck, and I go every now and then,” Karen supplies. “The live music is always queer artists, often local depending on when you go. It’s so cozy. They changed it up recently to add more tables in front of the stage. They finally got the memo that we actually want to listen to the music and not just chat with it in the background. Cover’s twenty dollars to pay for the artist a bit but the drinks and food are pretty cheap.”

“Apparently,” Hen continues, “The artist that’s there on Thursdays is really great. Karen’s friends from work have been going like, every week for what? Two months?” Karen nods and Hen continues, “They’re obsessed. I think the guy’s name is Oli? We’ve been meaning to check him out but our schedules just didn’t align. And we figured we’d make it a team outing! We know you like live music, Eddie, figured you’d like it too!”

“You knew that? How did you know that?” As far as Eddie can remember, he’s never been to any shows with any of them or hasn’t mentioned liking it, either.

“Buck,” Hen replies simply, like it explains everything. “He told me once. Said that you two often went to see concerts in little places like this. Like— hole in the wall type pub. More intimate with the performer and all.”

Eddie nods at that and feels a twinge of sadness, wishing that Buck could be there with them tonight. If Eddie is going to like this, Buck would for sure love it.

“He’s on Spotify! Lemme pull him up,” Karen says, and Athena gives her the aux cable. “It’s a lot of covers but he has a few originals.” The next second the sound of an acoustic guitar fills the car and a soft voice fades in gently. Eddie feels his nerves settling.

“He’s good,” He comments, Chimney agreeing next to him.

–

They get to the bar about ten minutes later, the crowd is pretty big, bigger than what Eddie had expected for a place like this. He figures the guy’s getting pretty big if he’s here every Thursday.
There are posters scattered all over the walls with the names of different artists that play here or that will play here, Oli seems to be the big name right now.

Looking at it, Eddie still doesn’t recognize it but in the car, the songs felt familiar. He feels like he’s heard it before but he doesn’t know where from. According to what Karen knows of the guy, he doesn’t do this full time so he wouldn’t’ve heard him on the radio… maybe on one of Chris’s TikToks?

Before he decides to push his way through the crowd with Hen to find a place to sit, they head to the bar and grab a few drinks. They wave down the bartender and once they’re settled, Eddie and Hen finally settle into listening to the artist that’s currently playing. Claire, she’s called. She’s got a nice voice and plays different instruments, from what Eddie can see on the stage.

She’s on for another twenty minutes until a short intermission. They get more drinks and settle at a table in the back– they would’ve hoped to be closer but the crowd’s too dense.

Eddie can’t help but notice how unsettled Maddie seems. He asks her if she’s okay, but she brushes him off, saying she’s fine. Chimney seems to be confused as well but they can’t get a word out of her. He’s about to ask again when the bartender from earlier, Brandon if he remembers correctly (apparently he's dating one of friend's from work), is up on the stage introducing the next act. Oli. The crowd cheers and Eddie claps with them.

As the guy steps up on the stage, Eddie takes his phone out and sends a quick text to Buck. Around him, his friends gasp but he ignores them.

Eddie
Chim said you’re having drinks with friends tonight :) Hope you’re having fun! We’re at a pub watching a live show, the place you go to with Hen and Karen? Sounds great so far.

He hits send and his fingers itch to write more. To reach out more. To connect more.

“Alright! How are we doing tonight?”

That voice, Eddie thinks, it makes his skin tingle and he slowly looks up from his phone as the crowd grows louder around him.

“If you don’t know me, I’m Oli! It’s nice to see you all tonight. I see some familiar faces!”

No fucking way.

There, under the big white light, is Buck.
He’s sitting on a stool, a guitar in his hands, and he’s smiling brighter than Eddie’s seen in the last year.

“Hey Rich! Good to see ya! And who do we have up front? Gen, Sophie, did you girls bring more friends this time?”

“Of course we did!” Someone yells from the front, and the crowd laughs while Eddie’s world is collapsing.

“Uh… Hen?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Eddie. I’m seeing it too.”

“How about in the back?” Buck– Oli says, and next to him, Hen straightens up. Something flashes across Buck’s face as he notices them and Eddie can’t remember the last time he breathed. “So happy to have you all here with me tonight. Exceptionally, we have two hours together!” The crowd whistles loudly and Eddie forces himself to clap.

Around him, his friends seem just as shocked as him– they must look so out of place, not cheering like the rest of the crowd.

“Let’s get this started!” Buck says, and he reaches for his beer. While he does that, Eddie leans into Hen.

“Did you know?”

“No, Eddie. I didn’t know.”

“Why do you keep saying my name?”

“Honestly Eddie? I’m kind of…”

“Shocked? Impressed? Turned on?”

“Yes, yes, absolutely not.” She turns to him and frowns.

“What? He looks good.” Honestly something about the cap and the washed out jeans is really doing it for him. God, and they’re ripped? Of course they are.

“Some of you know how this works by now: you have a QR code on your tables. Scan it– it’ll lead you to all of my socials so you know when I’m next live or when I put out a new song or a cover! Hit that last button to send in a request for a song tonight and no–” there’s a pause as Buck points to someone in the crowd. “Yes, you, Gabie! You can’t bribe me with shots so I sing more Taylor Swift!”

“That was one time!” Gabie yells back, and Eddie feels like he’s going to be sick.

This is what Maddie was talking about, why Buck was so happy. He had this life outside of the 118 and as upset as Eddie is that he wasn’t part of this, he’s so damn proud of Buck, too, for accomplishing so much.

Eddie takes the time to scan the code and as soon as he lands on Buck's social pages, his jaw drops. One quick look around the table and he sees that the others seem to be just as shocked as he is. 

Oliplayshere seems to be incredibly popular on Tiktok, Instagram, and Spotify, according to what he's seeing. Truthfully, Eddie can't believe he didn't know about this. He can't believe that Buck has been hiding this life, this skill from them this whole time.
He's not angry, far from it, but he doesn't remember the last time he was this flabergasted.

He quickly hits follow on every account he can and makes a mental note to check them all out in depth the next time he's alone. Right now, he wants to focus on his best friend. His superstart of a best friend who apparently has millions of followers.

Has he been making money off of this? A question for another day.  

“One time was enough!” Buck yells back, and it pulls Eddie out of his train of thoughts. “If you want more Taylor, we can plan a Taylor Swift cover night.” That gets Karen to yell out a loud whoop and Buck starts to strum on his guitar, his eyes on the iPad that’s in front of him. “You know you can request new songs right? Some of these were here last week!” Many people yell out things Eddie can’t understand and Buck laughs, waving his hand at them. “Alright, alright. Let’s hit the randomizer and get this show on the road!”

“I’ve requested so many,” Karen whispers and next to her, Athena is aiming her camera at the QR code.

As Buck starts to play, the crowd goes impossibly quiet. The voices are hushed now and everyone, including the 118, is looking at the stage in anticipation of what’s coming next.
Karen really wasn’t kidding when she said that people were here for the show and not for the bar– they’re here for Buck, Eddie notes, and the thought of that makes his heart grow three sizes in his chest.

Buck starts to sing a song Eddie doesn’t recognize, and Eddie holds his breath.

Buck’s good.

He’s amazing. And Eddie can’t believe that that’s his best friend up there, singing for a crowd with such ease like he’s been doing this his whole life.
He wonders if the others are going through the same thought process as him and he wants to look at them, but he can’t seem to tear his eyes off from the stage. He doesn’t want to miss this, he doesn’t want to miss a second of Buck.

Around him, his friends shuffle and munch on the platter of nachos someone got for the table. Eddie still doesn’t move, he feels like he’s in a trance. So much that his beer has probably gone lukewarm.

Before he knows it, it’s been an hour and the crowd starts to move again, getting up for more drinks or a bathroom break– he really doesn’t care. He follows Buck with his eyes until the other man disappears in a hallway marked ‘employees only’. He takes in a shaky breath and wipes his hands down on his jeans. “I’m gonna go get us a round,” he says and he thinks he hears Chimney say that his beer is full but Eddie needs to move.

While he’s waiting to get served, he sees Maddie go up to Brandon before she makes her way down the same hallway Buck had just a few minutes ago. Eddie feels a pang of jealousy and bites down on the insides of his cheeks. He’s okay. He can do this. He can make it right.

“Hey, man. What can I get you?”

“I uh,” he clears his throat, realising that he doesn’t have a clue what to ask for. Beers don’t feel appropriate, and he doubts that this place has champagne to celebrate Buck’s success. Shots? No good idea starts with shots but it’s all he can come up with. “Sorry– six Jägerbombs. And can I get–” he cuts himself off. If Buck is going by a stage name, chances are the bartender doesn’t know him by anything else. “Oli a beer?” He completes, and mentions the specific brand he knows Buck likes.

He pays and as he waits, he takes his phone out to text Buck. The chances of him seeing the text and answering are low but he has to try.

Eddie
Can we talk, after? Like. Really talk? Buck i’m so sorry I’ve been a dick.

He debates on writing more, on sending additional texts, but in the end, he sticks with that. He means every word. He needs to talk to Buck about how he’s been feeling lately, and he needs to talk to Buck about what he’s noticed, too, about Buck pulling away from them.

His message gets a thumbs up and it settles him a little bit.

His heart is pounding at the thought of having this conversation. About what he’s going to say. His thoughts are swirling and the only thing he can do right now is take the shot that’s his before he heads back to the table.

“It’s really him,” Chimney says, like they didn’t already know. “Maddie’s gone to talk to him.”

“I saw,” Eddie replies, and he takes a sip of the beer that’s been sitting there for an hour. “I still can’t believe it. I had a feeling he knew how to play but then again, how many things does Buck own because he started a hobby and changed to a new one after a month?”

Next to him, Hen snorts. “Oh man, I made the mistake once of opening the wrong cupboard in his kitchen island… Hobby Graveyard. Paints, yarn, scrapbooking stuff… We should get him to play for us.”

“D’you think he would?” Bobby asks, and the group turns to look at him. “I mean, clearly Buck’s been keeping this for himself. There must be a reason, right?”

“Pretty sure the reason’s us,” Eddie replies quietly. He sees it in Chimney’s eyes that he wants to push what Eddie said but Maddie’s back and he hounds her with questions instead. Unfortunately for them, Maddie keeps quiet about what Buck said to her and before they know it, Buck is back on stage.

“Alright guys, time for the second half,” Buck says, and to Eddie’s surprise, the crowd starts to boo him. The second of worry he’s feeling disappears almost as fast as it came when Buck starts to laugh, loudly and unrestrained. Like he used to before…

“Okay now, none of that!” Buck adds, pulling Eddie from his spiraling thoughts. “You know it has to end one day!” Laughs are shared in the crowd and the next moment, Eddie’s eyes find Bucks. He holds the gaze and the next moment, Buck is flipping his cap backwards and Eddie gasps and straightens up on his chair.

Next to him, Hen hits his shoulder and he shushes her. He has nothing to say to explain what just happened. He’s just glad that with how they’re sitting, no one can see if he’s as red as he feels.
He takes another big gulp of room temperature beer. It doesn’t help settle his nerves, but it’s a distraction.

The songs start up again and he hears Karen gasp when Buck says that it’s called Sailor Song by the artist Gigi Perez. “I submitted that one,” Karen whispers loudly to the group, and she keeps tapping Hen excitedly, her eyes stuck on Buck. Eddie turns back and does the same.

Honestly, there’s nowhere he’d rather be looking right now.

Does his breath hitch at some parts? Maybe. Does he somehow feel like this song was written with their fucked up history in mind? Definitely. Is that absolutely impossible? Of course! But when Buck sings the line I don’t believe in God, But I believe that you’re my saviour and his eyes are on Eddie… Well, Eddie feels it in his soul. Because while Eddie’s relationship with God is one of the most complicated ones he has, he does know that having Buck in his life for the last two years has changed him in ways he can’t possibly get into.

More songs follow, a few more are chosen from their submissions. There’s some Tom Odell, Paper Kites… and other artists Eddie now realises are on Buck’s music rotation when he has the control of the music in the car.

At some point, Buck settles on the stool that’s on the stage and distantly, Eddie wonders if his leg is acting up. Buck takes a sip of water and he starts to strum quietly on his guitar, filling the silence that’s settled on the room. “So I was thinking… How about I play something I wrote? Something new?” The crowd cheers and Eddie hears Chimney gasp.

“Oh my God! His iPad! He’s been writing lyrics this whole time!”

And… yeah. That would make sense that Buck wouldn’t want them to see what he was writing if it’s as private as lyrics.

“Oh, oh!” Athena points further in the room. “A closer table’s free!” Without them discussing it, Athena makes a beeline for it and they all follow. They’re in the middle of the crowd now with a better view of Buck. It feels a bit like he’s invading his space but Eddie really wants to be close to Buck right now.

“I will be needing some help, though.” Around the room, hands rise up and Buck laughs, “Sorry, sorry. No help from the audience. Not today at least. Please welcome back Claire, who’s going to help me with the banjo and Nate on percussion– or well, the wooden crate he’s sitting on serving as percussion.” They all cheer, Eddie included (loudly), and Buck claps for the pair that are settling behind him. “Claire plays on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Nate is here on Saturdays until the end of December. Please come check them out!”

He notices that Buck looks at them all once more before looking over the crowd– something twitches in Buck’s neck and Eddie can tell that Buck is nervous. He wasn’t before this, but now he is. Is this the first time he’s singing something original?

The guitar starts up as it always does and Eddie can barely contain the pride he’s feeling for Buck. He feels like he’s about to vibrate out of his body.

Then, Buck leans into the microphone and his voice is the only thing in Eddie’s mind.

Weep for yourself, my man
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man
You're not as brave as you were at the start

Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
And waste it on fixing all the problems
That you made in your own head

Buck wrote this?
His Buck?
Their Buck?
Was this about– does Buck think that he’d created problems? Sure the lawsuit was his doing initially but it was all so much more than that. Months have passed since then but Eddie knows about Buck’s tendencies to be in his own head. He really needs to step up to pull Buck out of that.

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my-

His eyes find Bucks and his heart jumps in his chest.
Why was Buck looking at him so much… was this…

He shakes the thought away as Buck turns away from the microphone and Claire starts matching his pace on the banjo.

He’s incredible to watch– he looks like he’s having fun and it’s contagious. When he sneaks a glance at the group, everyone is smiling and Maddie looks like she might’ve been crying, too.

Tremble for yourself, my man
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble, little lion man
You'll never settle any of your scores

Your grace is wasted in your face
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else
Spend your days biting your own neck

Was Buck talking about himself in these lyrics or were they directed to someone else? Eddie couldn’t be sure. His heart hurts and he wants to reach out, he wants to tell Buck that it’s going to be okay. That there aren’t any scores to settle.

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?

Again, Buck’s eyes find Eddies at the last lines and Eddie feels his eyes water. All this time, Buck still thought that he fucked up, hadn’t he?
When in fact, Eddie had been the one to have fucked up the most. Buck didn’t choose what happened during the lawsuit, Eddie had chosen how he had reacted during and after it. Eddie had been responsible for yelling at Buck in the grocery story, for Buck pulling away.

And Eddie would be responsible for bringing Buck back.

The music quiets down a little bit and it stays that way for a few moments before they start to play louder, building up to the next part of the song.
They’re playing with more intent– there’s more energy and Eddie can feel it reverberating through the tips of his fingers that are set on the table.

Buck’s eyes are closed now and when he starts to vocalise with their melody, Eddie feels his breath hitch. Even like this, there’s so much emotion splayed on Buck’s face. Pain, passion, anger. There’s sweat on his neck and he looks so good it hurts.

Claire and Nate are playing louder and louder, and Nate joins in on the harmony.

Eddie could sit here and listen for hours and hours.

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

When Buck finally opens his eyes and meet’s Eddie’s again, Eddie tries to school his face into an emotion somewhere between awe and adoration and he hopes to God he doesn’t look like a fool.

This time, however, Buck doesn’t look away.
The music fades and Buck’s eyes are still on him. Buck’s gripping the microphone tightly now, everyone is quiet. Buck still doesn’t look away.

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?

There’s one last strum and the quiet venue erupts into the loudest cheers that Eddie’s heard all night.

He’s on his feet as well and next to him, Maddie and Athena seem to be competing for the loudest fan.

“Thank you guys for being here! If you were just joining us, I’m Oli, my socials are on the tables, and I’ll be back at the same time next Thursday! Stick around if you can and tip your bartenders; Brandon’s really tired– he has to deal with me every week! Have a good night!”

As Buck’s gathering his things, music starts to fade in through the speaker and Eddie turns to find the group just as shocked as he is.

“That was…” Karen starts.

“Amazing,” Athena completes, and Eddie can see her eyes shining.

“Who knew our Buckaroo had that in him?” Hen asks, and they all shake their heads, laughing quietly to themselves. The raw emotion of that last song is still stuck with Eddie and he’s not sure what to do with the energy.

“Eddie,” Maddie says, and he turns to his left where she’s now standing. “Go see him.”

His eyes go wide and he looks at his friends before looking back at her– maybe he misheard. “What?”

“Go see him,” she repeats. And okay, he did hear her. “He’s going to be in the back for a while to wind down. Now’s the perfect time.”

“I– I don’t know… Maddie I–”

“Eddie,” she repeats, and her tone shifts to the one he doesn’t quite like. “Don’t make me use my big voice.”

“Maddie’s right, you should go,” Hen adds, and she pushes him on his shoulder as she does. “Come on, Eddie! We all saw the looks he was giving you at the end. Go tell that boy everything that you’ve been bottling up.”

“I–you–”

“You might not be as vocal as Buck, Eddie, but we’re not blind. Now go before that guy over there gets to him first.”

Eddie follows where Hen is pointing and notices a guy waiting by the hallway. He’s looking at his phone, and then at the doors, and then back again, clearly waiting. There’s no telling if Hen is right, if the guy is waiting for Buck, but she’s right. He needs to go tell Buck everything.

“Come on, I’ll get you through the back.”

He doesn’t really question it but he follows Maddie until they’re near the hallway and she starts to talk to Brandon and waves at him to go. She told him it was at the end to the right– and up some stairs, maybe? Maybe it was to the left? He’s not sure. His ears are ringing from the loud music and the general anxiety that possessed his body the moment he saw Buck.

But it all goes away for a second when he hears Buck’s voice.
Somewhere, in one of these rooms, his superstar of a best friend is laughing, and Eddie doesn’t know what he’s going to say or do.

He finally reaches his destination and finds that the door– or lack thereof– is open. He stands there for a second before he knocks at the frame, getting the attention of Buck and– God, he’s horrible he can’t even remember the two others that were on stage with Buck.

“Eddie,” Buck says, and Eddie’s breath catches in his throat and for some reason, he can’t stop either cracking his knuckles or turning his watch. He’s never felt this restless before.

“Hi uh… can we talk?”
Great start, Diaz, he thinks, mentally kicking himself.

There’s a moment of silence as the trio is looking at each other before the girl– Claire! Her name is Claire– speaks up. “We’ll give you two a minute”

“Or ten,” the guy adds, and Eddie barely registers the slap he gets on the arm from Claire as he’s being pushed out. “Sorry, excuse me,” he whispers, and Eddie takes a step to the right to let them pass. “Pardon me.”

They’re alone now and Eddie can’t find the will to move.
They don’t speak, either. Not until buck snorts and takes the last sip of the drink he has.

“What?” Eddie says, and he can’t help but smile– because what else can he say?

“Uh– sorry, nothing. Was just wondering if Maddie distracted the bartender to sneak you back here.”

“That’s… exactly what happened,” Eddie answers, and Buck nods. “So uh...” he clears his throat. “Can I come in?” Buck gestures to the room and Eddie takes a hesitant step in, sitting on the armrest of the couch. For some reason, sitting on one of the chairs or on the couch itself feels like it would be too much. Getting up if Buck ends up kicking him out would be more painful for some reason. But here, on the armrest, he feels safe-ish. “That was…”

He can’t help but pause. What words can he even use in the English or Spanish language to fully convey the full array of his emotions? Maybe something from his limited knowledge of Swedish?

“Amazing,” Eddie finally breathes out, and his eyes finally meet Buck’s. “Buck… holy shit. I figured that you knew how to play guitar… You have a guitar at your loft and you strum on your leg when a song with guitar is playing but Buck. Holy shit.”

“I uh…” Buck clears his throat. “Thanks, Eddie.”

Buck doesn’t say anything else but Eddie’s not done.
Oh, he’s just getting started.

“Buck– I wanted to ask you to dinner this weekend.” Many emotions seem to go across Buck’s face and Eddie waits patiently to see which one ends up staying. Confusion, Eddie thinks, but it’s gone back to neutral a moment later. “I was gonna do it tomorrow morning at work… but you’re here, I’m here, and I can’t just not say anything. I’m so fucking sorry, Buck. I’ve been an idiot.” Buck snorts at that and Eddie laughs, “I have! I was angry, and I took it out on you and I didn’t see that you needed me.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too,” Buck replies. “I didn’t mean for the lawsuit to get so out of hand, I swear. It was never about the money. I just–”

“I know. I know now. And I was stupid to not see it. I know you, Buck. I know you wouldn’t do it for money. And God all the shit I said to you in the grocery store– Buck–”

“You were right, though. Weren’t you? Even if you basically called me a deadbeat dad.”

“Buck–”

“No, you’re right. Because of what I did, I couldn’t see Chris and I didn’t think about that repercussion. It was a lot to deal with, for all of us. I didn't mean for him to be involved in all of this.”

“He’s really glad to have you back.”

“I’m glad to have him back, too. Even if it was just him and me, and not him, me, and you.” The silence between them feels more like their usual type of quiet. Eddie feels like he’s on the right track. “So… did you really go to jail?”

Eddie barks out a laugh at that question– he can’t believe that after all this time, Buck hadn’t asked him that yet. Maybe he felt like they weren’t there yet. So he takes it upon himself and he fills Buck in with everything that’s been happening. Starting with Shannon passing away and how that was behind the scenes for Chris and him, as well as his parents trying to claw their way back into Chris’ life– how the lawsuit had affected them and the street fighting. Everything. By the end of it, Eddie’s nerves are somewhat settled and Buck’s jaw is on the ground.

“God, Eddie. Look… I’m so sorry– You and Chris needed me and I— If I hadn’t had my head up my own ass with this whole lawsuit–”

“We’re way past that, Buck.” And he means it, really. He wants them to be able to talk about it but he forgave Buck a long time ago. Now, he just needs Buck to forgive himself.

“I’m not,” Buck replies, and the tone he’s using isn’t one that Eddie hears often. “I should’ve been there. Maybe I could’ve talked some sense into you.” Eddie snorts and Buck rolls his eyes.

“Look, things got a little out of hand for the both of us… don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“Right,” Buck laughs, and he stretches out his bad leg. Eddie thinks he has pain killers in his coat at the table, maybe he could get one for Buck after? “Because you’d rather do it?”

“Excuse me?” If one of his eyebrows is arched, he can’t help it. Because what does that even mean?

“Come on, Eddie. If you’re not going to be honest with Frank, at least be honest with me.”

“Who says I wasn’t being honest with Frank?”

“You said you two weren’t clicking.”

“Maybe I’m just not the therapy kinda guy.”

“Right… right…You prefer to work it out in the ring,” Buck brings his fists up as he says that, and Eddie feels as though Buck is mocking him a little bit. The fucker, he looks adorable doing it, too.

Sure, okay, he’ll humour him. “There was no ring Buck… But there was a fence.” Buck looks at him and Eddie feels the air shift between them.

“Come on. You don’t think that while you were going through your phase, maybe, just maybe, you were throwing your punches at the wrong guy?” Eddie snorts and Buck grins back, “I thought for sure that that day at the grocery store you were going to take a swing at me.”

“Not that you didn’t deserve it, but I wouldn’t do that. You’re still on blood thinners.”

“Oh, I’d still take you,” Buck replies and Eddie’s not sure what this conversation is about anymore. They were talking about his fighting… that’s what Buck’s talking about, right? That he thinks he can take Eddie in a fight?

“You think so?”

A moment later, Buck gets up from his seat and he takes the two steps forward towards Eddie and Eddie? Well, he holds his breath, finding himself looking up at Buck from where he’s sitting. His heart is beating hard and loud in his chest. Something has definitely shifted.

“I know,” Buck replies, and God he looks so cocky right now. He has a hand on his belt and Eddie doesn’t remember the last time he’s been so attracted to someone– or if he’s ever felt this type of attraction before. “You wanna go for the title?”

They’re looking at each other– Eddie wonders if this is a game, if one of them wins if the other looks away. Instead of doing that, he brings a hand up onto Buck’s hip and he leans up when Buck leans down and finally they’re going to–

“Buck your fans are oh–” Buck straightens up and Eddie keeps his eyes ahead of him, refusing to look behind him. He doesn’t care if it’s Claire or if it’s someone else– he just wants them to leave. “My bad. But your fans want to see you.”

“I’ll be right out,” Buck grits through his teeth and the woman laughs before hopefully leaving. The mood’s ruined, evidently, and Eddie really needs to set it again, somehow.

He watches as Buck, with a sigh, steps away from the couch. His eyes follow Buck’s hands, who are taking off the cap now so Buck can ruffle through his curls and Eddie barely registers the noise he makes that he slaps a hand to his mouth.

“You good?”

“That fucking hat, man,” Eddie simply says, and he gestures to Buck as a whole. “The white tee, the jeans? You’re killing me.”

“This doing something for ya?” Buck asks, and he does a slow 360.

Yep, doing something good. Eddie thinks, not even to try to hide the fact that he’s checking Buck out.

“So,” Eddie clears his throat and he gets up, stretching out his legs a bit as he does, “Oli, huh?”

“Shut up, it’s a stage name.” Buck’s smile is genuine and Eddie feels so much lighter. He put that smile on Buck’s face. Him

He watches Buck go towards the door and immediately thinks that now is the time to act. Mood or not.

So before Buck can leave, Eddie gets up and reaches out to grab Buck’s wrist, pulling him back into the room so he can push him up against the nearest wall. He gives them a second, barely another, before his lips find Buck’s.

Joy explodes in his chest and he can’t believe that he was brave enough to do this, that Buck is kissing him back with just as much passion as him, that they fit together so well.

Buck’s hands are on his back, his neck, his hips, his ass– he’s lost track. One of his legs is between Buck’s and God– All he knows is that he wants to live in this moment forever. He wants to keep Buck for as long as Buck will let him. He knows for a fact that he’ll never get tired of Buck.

Which brings back another apology he forgot to make.

“I’m sorry I called you exhausting,” he whispers against Buck’s neck where he’d been peppering the skin with kisses. “You’re not exhausting,” he adds, and he places a kiss under Buck’s ear. “I could listen to you talk all day.” The next kiss goes on his jaw. “Literally, you could never shut up and I’d be okay with it. You could order me around with your stupid clipboard everyone hates and I would listen happily.” He moves to the corner of Buck’s mouth, “I don’t ever want to not hear you talk ever again.” He moves his leg a bit and he hears Buck whimper quietly.

“E-Eddie,” Buck whispers, and Eddie finds his face forcefully pulled away so they can look at eachother. “Can you hold on for like, an hour?”

“Best I can do is 45 minutes,” Eddie replies without missing a beat. Because sure, Buck probably has to wrap up things here, and they have to go back to their friends… but one hour? No go.

“Deal.” They seal it with a kiss and Eddie lets Buck pull him out of the room by the hand. He notices now that he can’t stop smiling– he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop.

–

Back in the venue, Eddie watches as Buck goes to interact with a few fans that have been waiting for him. It’s truly surreal to watch him go. He’s signing things, taking pictures… And Eddie finally feels settled. Happy. The anxiety that’s been clawing at his chest is gone, too. And the anger? It’s still there, sometimes, but it’s manageable and instead of punching someone, he takes it out on the punching bag at work.

They have a lot of work to do, all of them, regarding their relationships with Buck, but Eddie’s sure that they’re all on the right path now. Things won’t go back to how they were, and that’s okay, because they’ve all grown from what happened and ignoring it won’t make it disappear.

“I’m guessing things went well?” Maddie asks with a cheeky grin, poking at his shoulder when Eddie finally gets back to their table. He wants to deny it, to wait for Buck, but he just wants to stand on the table and tell everyone that he kissed Evan Buckley. So for now, he just nods. It’s Maddie. She’s helped from the start, she deserves to know. The others can wait. "You okay?" 

"More than," He replies, finally tearing his eyes off of Buck to look at her. "What's up with Oli though?" 

To that, she snorts, "He told me that when he was in Peru, he decided to give it a shot, to perform where he worked, but the music was really loud when he told the announcer his name so instead of hearing lt; Buckley; they heard Oli and he figured 'why not' and went along with it. Says he likes the annonimity, too." 

"Mm. Makes sense. Guess we all would've probably at least found his Instagram or TikTok if his username wasBuckleysingshere"

–

It takes Buck a solid 30 minutes before he makes his way back to everyone. Eddie’s been counting, he wasn’t kidding when he said 45 minutes.

He stands back as they cheer for him and he watches as Buck accepts the hugs and the praise that’s going his way. He watches as Bobby hugs him and how Buck seems to melt in his embrace. He watches when Athena has her hands on his cheeks and places a kiss on his forehead.

God, he’s so proud of Buck right now. He’s pretty sure he’s thought that at least a hundred times tonight but he can’t stop thinking it.

“You’ve been here every thursday?!” Karen whines, hitting Buck’s arm lightly. “Why didn’t you tell me?! You know this is my favourite place!”

“Don’t mind her,” Hen says, and she gathers her wife in her arms. “She’s had a bit to drink and you might’ve made her cry a few times.”

“I love Gigi Perez, okay?!” Karen replies, and she looks at Buck once more, eyes big and bright. “And Buck, you were so good.”

“I– thank you, Karen. That means a lot. I was gonna tell you all,” he says, and he looks at all of them. “But this was… I don’t know. Just me. Something I did on my own. And I kind of wanted to protect it for a little while longer.”

“I’m telling everyone I know, now,” Maddie says brightly. “Everyone’s going to know that my little brother’s amazing. I– wait. You have a stage name. Should we not say that you’re playing here?”

Buck shrugs, “It’s okay. I never really meant to stay anonymous. I don’t mind if people know– I just still won’t put my name on my social media pages.”

“Millions, Buck,” Hen says– Eddie agrees with her– this isn’t some small thing. “This is insane.”

“Guess that explains why you wanted Thursdays off, huh, kid?” Bobby asks. “I’ll make sure to keep you off the roster and we’ll make sure to come see you when we can.”

They all agree– there’s no way that Eddie’s ever going to miss another performance if he can help it.

“One more drink before we head out?” Chimney asks, and while Chimney is looking around at their group, Eddie finds that Buck is looking at him.

“Actually, I think I'm gonna go home,” Buck replies, and he extends his hand out for Eddie to take. “You guys are welcome to stay.”

“Ew, no, don’t look at each other like that,” Chimney says, and a hand is waved in front of Buck’s face– he looks past it, keeps his eyes on Eddie. “Oh God it’s finally happening and it’s going to be the most nauseating thing.”

“Shut up, Chim,” Buck whispers and he pulls at Eddie’s hand, guiding the other man towards him so he can kiss him softly. Their friends cheer and clap and Eddie smiles into the kiss.

The puzzle that is his family had been completed for a while now, Eddie recalls. It’s just that he hadn’t been looking at it from the right angle. So for the first time in a long time, Eddie can’t wait to see what the future brings. He’s not scared, not if Buck’s there with him.