Chapter Text
Normal: "Character speaking"
Italics: "Character thoughts"
Bold-Italics: "Saiki's inner monologues"
Crossed-out Bold: "Saiki actually speaking" (It's like in the manga where his speaking roles are hidden/cut off between the panels since there are very few to give him)
~☆~
Saiki Kusuo, a psychic, doesn't know why he agreed to this monstrosity. The details of how are not important but he is now wearing a weird all-black gothic outfit with a long black jacket and a black choker to complete its cool-looking design that reaches up to his knees. Even his "hairpins" are colored black and the lollipop-like antennas are gray. It's like a Kaidou-style outfit if you think about it. Because it is Kaidou's idea he asked Saiki to wear this horrendously hot outfit. Kaidou claimed that he received a premonition that the Dark Reunion was making its first attempt to attack the city. Kaidou is wearing the same black gothic outfit but with a collared shirt with a long back that has rips in the hem of it. Instead of a long jacket as a ridiculous add-on, he had jet-black wings on his back for he is THE JET-BLACK WINGS! They are weirdly posing like two main anime protagonists where Kaidou is standing proudly while holding his right bandaged wrist and raising his left bandaged hand all the way below his chin. And Saiki is just crossed armed with a slanted 45-degree direction to the camera. This long paragraph intro will help you imagine a bit better.
After this stupidly long outfit description, Kaidou finally said something "Thanks for this alliance Saiki, no, I mean, Jet-Black Silence. When I unsealed my power the "Black Beat", I suddenly heard voices through my head"
"That's creepy, are you sure you're not going insane?"
"It said that I should go search for the Jet-Black Silence and The Jet-Black Life. I got worried not knowing what to do. But when I went to bed to regenerate you appeared in my dreams Saiki."
"No really, it's creepy don't say it that way please"
"Is it just me or this is the first time I actually saw you speak? But I swear, I already heard your voice! Well, whatever! Now that I finally found you, Jet-Black Silence,"
"Why is this starting to sound like a romance scene? Who even thinks of these names? It sounds stupid and jet-black. And I do speak thank you very much"
"The great judgment is yet to come, Saiki, we need to hurry and search for the Jet-Black Life!"
"Why does Jet-Black Life sound like it is leading me to a sad life?"
Kaidou and Saiki were about to start looking for this Jet-Black Life but however, a person who shines brighter than the sun suddenly appeared before them.
"Saiki-kun? Oh, Kaidou-kun too! What are you two up to? Dressed in all black like this" Teruhashi suddenly appeared "Offu… Teruhashi-san!" Kaidou immediately reacted. But suddenly Kaidou's hands began to shake uncontrollably.
"What is this story's direction? It's ugly. End this now"
"Hey Saiki-kun, is Kaidou-kun okay?" Teruhashi asked while watching Kaidou getting delusional
"Let him be, it's his moment"
Kaidou's hands finally stopped shaking and suddenly looked at Teruhashi intensely startling her "IT'S HER!"
"Oh good grief"
"Our plea has been heard, Jet-Black Silence! Teruhashi-san, she is the Jet-Black Life!" Kaidou said "What's a Jet-Black Life Kaidou-kun? I can't seem to follow"
"What's wrong with this boy? Is being a chuunibyou his lifestyle now? I just want to greet Saiki-kun, please don't get me hooked on this. A perfect pretty girl like me can't be seen acting like a chuunibyou"
"Too bad, you're coming with us though"
"THE JET-BLACK LIFE! You, the one who brings the brightest life to the dark silence! "
"Seems misleading, should she be "The Bright-White Life" then?"
"I'm glad you see me that way Kaidou-kun, but I need to get goi-"
"COME WITH ME AND SAIKI, TERU-"
"Okay!~♡" "Waah~ Saiki-kun's going too, so I'll go! I can't believe Saiki is into this chuunibyou stuff too but oh well… A perfect pretty girl would grant everyone's wishes. If Saiki wants to do whatever this is, I will tag along and maybe I will gain an 'offu' from him~"
"That was easy, Congrats Kaidou"
~☆~
For some unknown reason, Kaidou had a black knee-length gothic off-shoulder dress decorated with gold chains along the waist area, a black choker with transparent frills, and black heels included for Teruhashi too. And for some really strange unknown reason, it has a petticoat to make the frills pop off. She looked like the princess of Jet-Black!
"I don't know how Kaidou-kun managed to get this dress but I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty. But creepy though! However, Saiki-kun still hasn't said 'offu' even how perfect I looked"
"No, not happening, never"
Kaidou, Saiki, and Teruhashi are walking looking for the “Dark Reunion” but there is no one literally, no one can be seen. Suddenly, Saiki had a headache.
“Seems like what Kaidou was saying is true after all”
Saiki had a premonition of citizens trying to attack them and they got captured by the attackers, mostly men, no, all of them are men actually. Saiki starts to think of a solution to avoid the situation ahead but suddenly, a boy from their school shows up. It’s Takahashi “JET-BLACK WINGS! DARK REUNION IS ON THE HUNT FOR YOU GIVE UP NOW” Takahashi said
“Is this it? The attack of Dark Reunion? They got Takahashi? Are they using him? This is terrifying! I was just trying to get Saiki to hang out with me! Mom, I’m scared”
“So now you're scared? Good grief go fix this yourself”
“Hey, are they roleplaying or something?” Teruhashi whispered to Saiki “Who knows?” He just shrugged his shoulders
“HA! HA! HA! You lackey of the Dark Reunion! I will never let you come near us, WE ARE THE JET-BLACK SQUAD!”
"What an ugly group name," Saiki and Teruhashi thought simultaneously
"He is already near”
“FOR I, THE JET-BLACK WINGS, IS ALREADY PREPARED TO…”
Takahashi is already charging into Kaidou while he is giving his speech closed eyed. What a dumb thing to do to be honest. Saiki noticed it and gave him the “chop” and Takahashi fainted.
“GIVE YOU THE JUDGEMENT KNIGHTS-”
“Saiki-kun you're so amazing!” Teruhashi said interrupting Kaidou’s speech
“Eh?” Kaidou was flabbergasted
“You could’ve looked at the enemy before saying all of that nonsense”
“I- uh… HA! Great job, Jet-Black Silence! As expected of my apprentice!”
“This bastar-”
“Hey, what's that?” Teruhashi said, pointing at a direction ahead of them “OH NO! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?! Are all of those brainwashed by the Dark Reunion? This is bad! I wanna go home!” Kaidou said screaming, yes, screaming.
“This idiot, you got us into this situation now you're the first one who wants to leave?”
“Oh gosh, this is bad” Teruhashi said worried “Please god I’m too pretty and perfect to be brainwashed, What will others think if this perfect pretty girl got manipulated by some random dark reunion crap?”
“Don't worry, I have a plan”
~☆~
"Why the hell do I have to be in front?! Are you crazy?! I will die!" Teruhashi exclaimed “Perfect pretty girls should not show outbursts. This hypocrite Saiki, so full of himself!"
"Oh- uh- I mean, it's scary~" she added "Don't worry, I'll protect you." Saiki patted her shoulder. As he suddenly held a long black metal rod no one knows where ut came from. "Waaah~ Saiki-kun looked so cool! Did he just reassure me? Oh no, am I getting flusttered?" Teruhashi blushed "Is this girl really into gap moe*?"
Teruhashi being in the front prepared for the arrival of the brainwashed mob "Wahh~ Saiki-kun said he'll protect me! "How'd you know? I never said it directly?" "Even brainwashed men can't resist the perfect pretty girl like me fufu~ No one can ever resist a perfect pretty girl like me!”
"You were so scared earlier, where did that confidence come from?"
As the mob of boys from PK Academy, specifically Kokomins came, Teruhashi activated her special skill: Angel Tears! The mob said “Offu…” in chorus they were all distracted by the crying angel in front of them. They want to give everything to her.
“It’s time.”
The brainwashed Kokomins are slowly coming back to being brainwashed but Saiki suddenly appears from behind Teruhashi, he jumps up and lands to the front holding a long metal black rod. He started to skillfully use the rod as a weapon. The Kokomins continued to charge at Saiki but he successfully avoid all of them and hit them with his rod (he even did a spinning motion with it, what a show off!)
“Saiki-kun is actually so cool~! But no, I can't let Saiki do it alone there’s a lot of them”
“No, not really, I don't really need help. I’m just being careful not to break all of their bones.”
“What's a perfect pretty girl if she can't defend herself? It's not always all about damsel in distress~” Teruhashi started charging, summoning another metal rod just like what Saiki has no knows where it came from, gracefully bashing the brainwashed boys.
“This is actually surprising, out of character, but surprising, I almost said what she wanted me to say”
It was actually pretty hard for Saiki since the thoughts of brainwashed Kokomis are blank. It is hard to predict their movements. He doesn't want to admit it but Teruhashi is a big help. Saiki and Kokomi fought side by side, and defended behind each other until no one’s left standing. When did Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan become an action series? Only here (not really lol)
“Well done.”
“Amazed?” Kokomi asked confidently “A bit” Saiki just nodded his head in response. There was someone who is still conscious who is slowly standing. Neither Saiki nor Teruhashi noticed it and Saiki noticed him when he had already captured Kokomi. “Saiki-kun! Help!” Kokomi pleaded but Saiki was too late, he followed Teruhashi and the capturer.
~☆~
Kaidou on the other hand, was late to arrive at the scene. Saiki’s plan is for him to hide somewhere. Maybe he's the final attack? They're saving his energy for the Dark Reunion. (Not really) That must be it. (No you're just weak, Saiki finds it troublesome if you're there) But he went because Saiki and Teruhashi still haven't come back, he is worried. When he got there, it was full of unconscious schoolmates, both Saiki and Teruhashi were nowhere to be found.
“Saiki? Teruhashi-san?” Kaidou called out but no one answered and he became more worried. "This is really terrifying! BUT! THE JET-BLACK WINGS SHOULD NOT ABANDON HIS COMPANIONS!"
“Hey” a voice said. Kaidou looked around but no one’s there. “Who- Who are you? What do you want!?” Kaidou said, trembling. Everything suddenly went dark leaving Kaidou alone. Nendou suddenly popped up having a weird smiling face leaning close to Kaidou “Chibi, let's go eat ramen!”
~☆~
“OH GOD! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU GROSS PIECE OF-! huh?” Kaidou suddenly jolted awake.
“Are all of those dreams? It's so weird that Saiki and Teruhashi are there, even Nendou is there in the last part, Saiki being a psychic, and Saiki's voice narrating in third person but having his own monolouge at the same time? THAT'S SOME STUPID UGLY DREAM! I HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANY FIGHT SCENES! AM I REALLY THE ONE DREAMING?!”
Saiki is still sleeping, it's 3am, what do you expect? The story stopped, so yes, it is Kaidou’s dream.
“Is it still this early? I should go back to sleep maybe it'll continue”
It is now morning, Kaidou's alarm rang but he never got the continuation of his dream. Instead, he told Saiki about his dream, replacing Saiki's role as him. He doesn't believe him of course, after all this one-shot is about Saiki "and yes, I am narrating in 3rd person. As usual."
~☆~
Texts without quotations: Saiki's 3rd person narrations
~☆~
Gap Moe: change of personality where the initial contradicts the latter. (it's hard to explain it but watch S1E16a and E16b (76 and 77) The Perfect Pretty Girl vs. the Super Stubborn Guy (Part 1 & Part 2) of Saiki K. for reference)