Work Text:
"You know," Brendon said sweetly, "the twins only cry when they're hungry or need changed. I have no idea why Penny cries so much."
"Because she's an infant and your twins are two," Patrick huffed, cradling the baby to his chest protectively. Fucking Brendon and his superior parenting and better behaved kids. "Penny needs a nap. I'm going to take her home now."
"Have a great rest of your day," Brendon grinned, completely oblivious to Patrick's thunderous expression as he stomped home.
"The twins never cry, the twins love the bath, the twins are already starting to potty train," he mocked, pacing back and forth through their living room as Pete watched with amusement. "I'm telling you, he knows he's been winning from day one and he wants me to know it too."
"Patrick, there's nothing to win. You're making a competition out of nothing."
"No he's making it a competition! And we're losing!" Patrick levelled a glare at Pete. "I don't want to hang out with them anymore."
"Rick, they're our best friends! You're being ridic-"
"Ridiculous? Is that how you feel? Why don't you just move in with Dallon and Brendon since you think they're so great!" He threw the couch cushion he'd been holding at Pete before stomping up the stairs.
"Listen dude, you gotta get Brendon to calm down with the competitive stuff. I know he probably doesn't mean to do it but it's getting to Patrick and I can't handle two babies in the house," Pete explained to Dallon.
"Bren didn't have such a great life growing up. I think that now he's got all this stuff, he wants to brag about it. I'll talk to him."
"Peter Wentz you are so dead," Patrick growled, slamming the front door behind him. "I just had the most mortifying conversation of my life because somebody asked Dallon who asked Brendon to explain to me that this is not a competition."
"Lunchbox I just asked Dallon to ask Bren to calm the competitive talk down because I knew it was bothering you!"
"Well thanks to you now everyone in this fucking neighbourhood probably thinks I'm a competitive freak with nothing better to do but to sit at home and think about how to compete with my neighbours like a bored little housewife!" All the anger drained from Patrick as he slumped against Pete.
"Baby, no one thinks anything bad of you okay? They all know how amazing you are. You are the best person in the whole universe Ricky, and if this was a competition, you'd win to me every time. I love you."
"I love you more," Patrick sulked.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Pete grinned, kissing his husband on the top of the head.