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There was one thing that Otacon never thought he would do. Well, there were several, actually, and the first one was ending up considered an ecoterrorist and ending up hiding out in Alaska with THE Solid Snake.
But even that didn’t quite match the absolute improbable possibility of having said Solid Snake, a legend, someone he had never seen show weakness, clinging to him as he whined.
But here he was, good ol’ Hal Emmerich, holding Snake in the bathroom of his cabin after he was down throwing up.
In any other situation, he would be panicking about being so close to David and getting to hold him like that, and even right now, his heart rate was a bit elevated. But neither him or David seemed to care, the man was too far gone with the tiredness, and Hal was far too worried about him.
“Shhh, David, it’s okay…” He shushed as David sniffled pathetically. “How do you feel..?”
“Like shit.” David said, but his usual gruffness was gone, replaced by a raw, scratchy voice from all the throwing up.
“Right, dumb question.” Hal sighed. “C’mon, let’s get you back to bed.”
He got up, and struggled to pull David up with him. The man was heavy, and now that he was sick, he was almost a dead weight.
Hal shook his head. He hated thinking about David as anything “dead”. Ever since he had had to rescue him from the Hudson river, he hated to even think about it. He still felt his cold, wet sneaking suit under his hand and heard the sound of him retching out the river water in his nightmares, and he often had to listen to David’s light snoring for hours from his nest on the couch, just to try and reassure himself. It didn’t always work.
He managed to get David up, and the man leaned all his weight on him, almost making Hal’s legs buckle under him. He managed to stay up, and slowly started to walk to David’s bedroom, praying that David wouldn’t start to gag again. Luckily, he didn’t.
Hal sat him down on the bed, and took a good look at him. In the dim light from the dingy bedside lamp, he could see the vomit stains on David’s white tank top.
“That won’t do.” He whispered, more to himself than anything. David was practically asleep sitting up. Hal frowned as he watched him start to shiver. “Oh no, no, no…”
He put his hand on David’s forehead, and the heat made him wince. Of course, he had to develop a fever now.
He walked over to David’s chest of drawers and pulled out a clean shirt and an old, worn out hoodie, the foxhound logo almost washed away from wear and wash.
He kneeled in front of his friend, and tried to not think about anything he’d be able to do in that position. With a blush on his cheek, he grabbed the hem of David’s shirt.
“David, arms up. You’re dirty, let’s get you into some clean clothes.” He said gently. David groaned and raised his arms. Hal stripped him of his dirty shirt, carefully avoiding looking at Dave’s chest. He couldn’t afford that, right now. He got him into the clean shirt and wrestled the hoodie on him before making him lie down, pulling the covers over him and throwing a couple of other blankets over him. David was out like a light before he was even done.
He switched off the light and left the door ajar, to hear if David needed help during the night.
He went back to the bathroom, almost gagging from the smell. He flushed the toilet and sprayed some of David’s old freshening spray. It didn’t do much, but it was better than nothing.
He went back to the couch, sitting down in front of the fire with a sigh. He was tired to the bone.
David had started to get stomach cramps earlier that day, and had tried to grit his teeth through it. Hal had tried to help him, but ever the reserved man, David had brushed everything off as just a little thing. But Hal had looked up from his computer when he heard David get up.
“Dave, you alright?” He had called out, but the man didn’t respond. He heard the creak of the bathroom door, and a second later, a heavy thump and the sound of someone vomiting. He had run to the bathroom, ignoring his aching muscles, almost asleep from him not moving for so long. He had found David hunched over the toilet and had held his hair back for a good twenty minutes until David leaned back, landing in his arms, shivering and out of breath.
Now that he thought of it, David was the only one who had eaten some of the canned stuff there was in the cupboards. He went and fished out the can from the garbage and winced. It was expired, and no doubt David had seen it, but it was almost the only thing they had left to eat. It was more than time for a good food run, but they were still on the most wanted list so they had to plan those a week ahead. He went back and dropped on the couch, feeling the exhaustion wash over him. He didn’t want to fall asleep, so worried that his friend would wake up and need him, but his eyes closed on their own accord.
They snapped back open when he heard David call out his name. He sat up, straightening his glasses on his nose, and got up when David called again.
“Hal…” Another whimper as he pushed the door open. He frowned and turned the bedside lamp on. David was seemingly still asleep and had ditched the hoodie. Understandably so, since Hal could see the beads of sweat on his forehead. He made a quick trip to the bathroom, filling a bowl up with water and taking a washcloth, before coming back to David’s side.
He wiped off the sweat off his brow.
“Hal!” David’s voice, filled with fear, the sound bordering on an hysterical scream, almost made Hal fall over. The man thrashed in his sleep and Hal did the first thing he thought of: he wrapped his arms tight around him.
“David! I’m here David, it’s okay!”
He was struggling to hold him down a minimum, but after a few minutes of Hal repeating over and over that he was here, he settled down a bit. Hal was about to pull away, but David threw an arm around him, holding him where he was. Even sick and asleep, he was far stronger than Hal. So he stayed.
He tried not to think too much about the strong planes of David’s muscles under his hands, or the way David’s head fit just right on his chest.
Instead, he focused on keeping David as calm as possible.
Tentatively, he ran a hand through David’s hair. It had grown longer now, brushing against the nape of David’s neck. Hal loved it, even though he had never told David. It suited him very well, and softened his features a little bit. The man seemed to melt under his touch, and finally totally calmed down. So Hal kept going, He kept going until his hand got tired, and he got sleepy himself.
He wanted to move, to go back to his couch. He didn’t want Dave to wake up with him in bed, probably not remembering what had happened. But he couldn’t move. David was still holding him down. Hal carefully turned onto his back and slid under the blanket next to his friend. David wrapped himself back around him even closer, this time bringing a leg around Hal’s, effectively rendering him incapable of moving. He felt his heartbeat, far quicker than it should have been.
He caught himself letting his mind wander, thinking about falling asleep like that every night, with David cuddled to his side, or himself safely wrapped in David’s arms. Of sharing soft kisses during the day, right before a mission, or whenever they felt like it.
He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He knew it was only wishful thinking. He took off his glasses and set them down on the bedside table. And as he fell asleep, he could have sworn David managed to snuggle even closer.
David woke up feeling like his head was full of cotton and with the disgusting aftertaste of vomit in his throat. He reeked of sweat. But as he woke up more and more, there was another smell in the bed. He didn’t have to think much about whose smell it was. It permeated everything in the cabin now and made his head swim and his heart race. It was Hal’s smell.
He opened his eyes and tried to get up. He fell back down with a grunt. He felt weak, weaker than he had in months.
He wanted to call out to Hal, but his mind supplied him with flashes of the night before. The bathroom. Hal’s arm around his torso as they walked to the bedroom. In a very unhelpful moment, his brain also supplied him with images of his nightmare.
They were back in the Hudson river, but this time it was Hal in the water. He always failed to rescue him, swimming as fast as he could didn’t help, Hal was always slightly out of reach, always ended up drowning. More often than not, he startled awake, hand still reaching out in a desperate attempt to reach Hal. In those nights, he had to get up and sneak to the living area, just to check that Hal was really here. He moved silently, peeking around the doorway. Sometimes, Hal was still on his laptop, typing away and gathering intel for their future missions with Philanthropy. He went back to bed during those nights. Sometimes, he was fast asleep on the couch or at his desk. When that was the case, David made sure the fire was still roaring, and either carried him back to the couch or tucked the blankets around him. Hal’s piss poor sleep schedule affected his memory, and he never really remembered how he got into bed. He often spent a few minutes enjoying both the warmth of the fire and Hal’s soft, quiet breathing. Then he went back to bed, holding his pillow and sinking back into a dreamless slumber.
He hesitated to call, thinking back to all of this, but he didn’t have to. Hal pushed the door, peeking in the room.
“Dave? You awake?”
“Yeah. Wish I wasn’t.” He groaned. “D’you have some water? What time is it?”
“I’ll get you some.” Hal disappeared in the cabin and came back a few minutes later with a tall glass of water. He set it in Dave’s hand, and he discovered he was still shaky. “Careful, Dave. Don’t want you to throw up again. It’s a little half past 4 PM.”
Dave sipped slowly and tried to get up once he was finished. But his legs shook too much.
“What do you want?” Hal asked.
“I need to shower. T’s late. I need to feed the dogs.” He tried to get up again, but Hal’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“Woah, woah, woah. Calm down. I fed the dogs already.”
“You managed?”
“I watched you do it a hundred times, David, they’re good. I didn’t want to wake you up. As for the shower, I don’t think you’ll be able to stand long enough.” Hal seemed to ponder, opened his mouth to say something but closed it.
“What’s up, Hal?” David asked. The more Hal left his hand on his shoulder, the hotter it burnt, the more he craved it. He moved away and almost winced at the way Hal shoved it in his pocket, almost as if he was ashamed.
“I… I could help you shower.” The man muttered, hiding behind his hair a bit. “It… It’s fine if you don’t want to! But I don’t think you’ll be able to stand long enough for a shower.”
Hal looked like he would try to hide under the floorboards in the next five seconds.
“Sure.” David said, and even the simple word seemed far too eager. Hal’s head whipped up, and David felt like he was going to drown in his eyes if he stared for too long. “Help me up?”
The words seemed to snap Hal out of his shock. He wrapped an arm around David, letting him hold onto him. They slowly made their way to the bathroom, David’s legs threatening to give out at any moment. At least his vision wasn’t swimming with each step like it had the night before.
He sat down on the toilet’s closed lid as Hal got the water running and heating up, letting it fill the little bathtub. He watched as the man poured a good amount of shower gel into the water, letting bubbles form.
“I’ll let you get in there, I’ll be right back.” Hal left the room, giving David some privacy. He stripped his clothes. He quirked an eyebrow at the clean shirt. Hal had managed to get him into clean clothes, but he didn’t remember a second of it.
He slid into the bathtub, wondering how long it had been since he had taken a proper bath, not a quick shower. He cranked the heat a bit higher, sighing as his legs were slowly engulfed.
Hal came back, carrying a bundle of clean clothes in his arms. He set it down on the toilet lid before kneeling next to the bathtub, quickly discarding his shirt not to get it wet. Without a word, he scooped a bit of water in his hands and poured it over David’s hair, slowly soaking it.
“What are you doing?” He tried not to sound too defensive, only curious.
“Helping you.” Said Hal with a smile that made his heart race. “You helped me every time I was sick. Only repaying the favor, Dave.”
It made him smile and he closed his eyes, both to relax and to avoid looking at Hal’s torso. Hal grabbed the shampoo bottle and slowly started to lather his hair. David sighed in contentment, sinking into the feeling of Hal’s long fingers on his scalp. He wasn’t used to having anyone taking care of him. Academy didn’t allow for that, and he had never had anyone close enough to him afterwards to even let them see him that vulnerable.
They stayed quiet for a while, David almost dozing off as Hal washed his hair. Hal was the one to break the comfortable silence.
“Can I ask you something?” He spoke quietly, almost as if he were afraid of the answer.
“Yeah?”
“What did you dream of, last night? You don’t have to answer me but… I woke up because you called out to me. Almost screamed my name in fact.” Hal didn’t look at him, instead getting up to wash the shampoo off his hands. David paled at the thought, forcing the images to get out of my head. He wanted to be honest, he needed to be honest. Ignoring his rapid heart rate, he spoke, voice quiet.
“I dreamt of New York. You were the one in the water. I didn’t save you this time around.”
It was short, precise, and it hit Hal right in the gut. He pondered on it for a while. It surprised him, the honesty and softness in David’s voice. He watched as David rinsed off the shampoo off his hair.
“You know… I still dream of it, too.” he replied, kneeling back next to the bathtub. David searched for his eyes, but Hal’s eyes were lost somewhere in the bunch of bottles on the side of the tub. “It happens less often than back when I was living alone… But sometimes, I wake up terrified that you’re not here. I can still hear the Discovery sinking in my dreams, clear as day.”
“Do you manage to save me every time?” David had blurted that out without really thinking. Questions were flooding his mind.
Do you save me every time?
Do you still have my back?
Does losing me scare you as much as losing you scares me?
“No.” Hal finally looked up at him, tears in his eyes. “No, I don’t save you, and every time, I wake up trying not to cry, until I can hear you snoring in the bedroom. I know it’s pathetic but… I… I keep listening for your breathing at night, because I’m terrified you’re gonna die on me. I’m no saviour, Snake, but I don’t want to lose you.”
His primal urge to protect Hal was the thing that made him act. He wrapped his arms around him, not caring about the water dripping down on Hal’s warm skin. And, a second later, Hal’s arms came up, wrapping around him. It was awkward, with the bathtub wall between them, but they held onto each other quietly for long minutes. David was the one to pull back, but he kept his hands on Hal’s shoulders, looking him dead in the eye.
“You’re not losing me, Hal.” He knew this was a bad idea, that this was an impossible promise to keep. But he would have promised anything to get Hal to stop feeling so anxious and scared. “You’re not losing me, and I’m not losing you either.”
“How can you be so sure?” Hal said, his voice weirdly pitched, as if he was trying to hold back tears.
“I’ll do my best to keep you safe.” He settled back in the bathtub, looking up at the ceiling. “You know, I never had many friends. And I never had anyone as close as you, Otacon. I’m not gonna lose you, even if I need to take down a fuckton of Metal Gears.”
That made Hal laugh, wet with tears, but still a laugh.
“Likewise, Snake. Likewise.”
A long silence settled, and they both heard a chime from Hal’s computer.
“Shouldn’t you go check that?” David said, grabbing the bar of soap and sitting up. He took a quick glance at Hal, and his eyes seemed to be transfixed on his body. He smirked. Interesting.
“Ye… Yeah! Might be important.” Hal quickly got up and made his way to the door but stopped. “Call me if you feel weak or anything. You had a fever last night, don’t want you to faint.”
“I’ll be fine. Go check it out, I feel it’s important shit from one of your friends, and I’d rather not have any of them call on the codec while I shower.” He groaned. Hal laughed again and finally left the room.
David made quick work of washing himself and rinsing off. He stepped out of the shower, and was pleased to find his legs, albeit still shaky, were supporting his weight. He dried off, brushed his teeth and pulled on his boxers and the pants Hal had brought. He didn’t bother with the shirt, but grabbed Hal’s, still laying on the floor.
He got to the living area, purposefully stepping on the creaky board so he wouldn’t surprise his friend, and here was Hal, typing away, and in the monitors light, he looked nothing short of majestic. All lean and pale skin, the light of the monitors bathing him in blue and green hues, catching on his glasses. David’s heart jumped back and forth between his throat and stomach.
“Remember what you said about taking down a fuckton of Metal Gears?” Hal asked, an excited smile on his face. “They made another one. I know I look excited right now, but I hate the fact that they made another one. What I love is that we’re gonna get to take it down.”
Fuck, I love you.
The thought didn’t really surprise David, but filled him with peace instead. He loved him. It wasn’t all that surprising. Months of having him around, of seeing him hang out in his hoodies, of teaching him to do stuff with his hands other than typing on a keyboard. But also months around of Hal cooking for them, of Hal planning all their potential new missions, of covering their tracks on the internet, of drunk cuddling on the couch. Hal went from an acquaintance, to a friend, to a full-on partner. The only thing missing was the sex. A thought entered his head. What if he acted on that? He shook the thought off, slapping himself mentally.
“You feel ready for that, Hal?” He asked, putting his hands on Hal’s hips, pressing his chest to his back. The man shivered under his touch, but didn’t pull away.
“Ready as I’ll ever be, as long as you’re by my side.” said Hal.
“Good. You trust me, right? With your life and all?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then let’s get moving.”