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It took a few days for David to get back to normal. Due to Hal’s constant pestering, he had had to take some time off and spend time resting. He hated it, but it allowed him to watch Hal work all day. He watched his friend call people and plan out their next mission. While he did that, David cooked for the both of them. Hal had somehow convinced Mei Ling to get them a meager supply of groceries, explaining that David couldn’t go hunt or fish. So they had rice, pasta, a bit of meat, and quick snacks including David’s favourite ramen noodles.
He was a bit surprised at how Hal acted while he was sick. He knew for a fact that it was impossible to pull Hal from his work most times. More often than not, Hal ate at his makeshift desk, shovelling food in his mouth as fast as possible to get back to work without more than half an hour of downtime.
However the first time David had set the plate on the side of the desk, expecting Hal to eat there as usual, the man had gotten up to sit with him on the couch and made a point to eat with him, even helping him when David’s hands shook too much.
Now, at every meal, they ate together, sitting close to the fire, Hal explaining the details of the missions while David took notes of what weapons he’d have to bring along.
Hal insisted he wore at least some captors under whatever he’d wear during the mission. David understood why, the conversation about nightmares they had in the bathroom still fresh in both their minds.
David had started preparing their gear during the days, between the naps Hal insisted he took. He hated the fact that he, indeed, felt better with the proper rest.
They were on the road as soon as David felt able. They had planned it all. Given that David was supposed to be dead, they had come up with Iroquois Pliskin, a brand new identity. Mei Ling had forged some documents for him. They probably wouldn’t need them, but she had insisted. And, sitting in the back of their van, monitoring David’s vitals, all he could pray for was that everything would go fine.
They never thought they’d stumble upon another agent, looking barely older enough to go through basic training, let alone take on a mission of this size on his own. Hal never thought he’d be sitting in a chopper and that they’d have to take down David’s brother.
Hal sank back against his seat on the helicopter after they had landed. Solidus was down. There was at least that. He closed his eyes, but they shot back open as he heard David grunt behind him.
“You okay back there?” He asked.
“Yeah.” It was a groan, and Hal looked back. David seemed exhausted. He was leaning back against the back wall, eyes closed, breathing heavily. Hal got out of his seat to kneel in front of it, quickly checking for any bleeding wound. Not seeing any, he breathed a sigh of relief.
“You’re not hurt, are you?”
“No, but it wasn’t a quiet ride.” David opened his eyes, letting his head loll to the side. Hal’s heart jumped. God, he was beautiful. He knew it wasn’t the time to think about it, but David looked so perfectly manly in this moment, sweat covered, his shotgun still across his chest. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, nothing major. You were more exposed than me.”
“Raiden did a good job out there. He’s a good kid. Taking down my brother isn’t easy, if anyone knows that, it’s me.” Said David. Hal smiled softly. He knew David would love someone like Raiden. No doubt he was seeing a bit of himself in him.
“You did good too, Dave. You helped him a ton.”
“Couldn’t have done it with my pilot, huh?” said the soldier with a smile. Hal blushed deeply and avoided his gaze.
“Heh, it was nothing…”
“Stop that, it was fucking great, Hal. You’re fucking great. I… I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your pilot talents.” David smiled as Hal blushed even more. He pushed himself up onto his knees, putting a hand on Hal’s cheek. His eyes searched for Hal’s until the man looked up.
David pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, pulling back after a second. Hal seemed shocked, to say the least. Then, he broke into a little laugh as the captors in the suit started to beep loudly. Without a word, he kissed David, a little longer this time. David tore off his head set before pulling Hal close, kissing him again and again.
“Ready to get back into it?” Hal whispered between kisses.
“Yeah. Let’s roll.” He pulled back, put the headset back on and held his hand out to Hal. “Stay alive, okay?”
“You too, David. Don’t die on me right now, or I’ll kill you.” Hal got up, letting his fingers linger in David’s hand.
With a laugh, David hopped off the chopper, shotgun in hand. They had a Metal Gear to destroy. Together.
David was the one to drive them back, speeding along the highway as fast as their little van would go. He took worried glances at Hal, sitting in the passenger seat, looking off in the distance.
He didn’t see much of the road. He was tired to the bone, but he couldn’t close his eyes. He knew all he would see was Emma’s lifeless body that they had to leave behind.
He thought back to everything they had gone through, of the years he had spent not talking to her, running from anything remotely close to a family, trying to suppress any memories of them.
He barely acknowledged David pulling up into a dingy motel’s parking lot. He went through the motions on autopilot, letting David lead them to their room. It was weird, but he felt almost safe here. The unmistakable smell of old carpet, the faded wallpaper of the room, something he was used to by now. He sat on the edge of the old queen bed as David showered. In any other moment, he would be flustered at the mere thought of David being naked with only a closed door and flimsy, probably dirty shower curtain between them. But here he was, his wallet open next to him, that one picture of him and Emma as kids he had kept hidden all those years, going as far as forgetting about it sometimes, held between his shaky fingers as he tried not to cry.
She was gone. He was the only one left.
Hal, Otacon, wanted as an international bio terrorist, only heir to the infamous Emmerich name. A name he wouldn’t ever be able to clear completely. For all it was worth, the most he could do was try not to leave another Emmerich nuclear stain on the world before letting this name die off for good. Destroy every single iteration of his own creations, burning it all to the ground and hoping no one would make the same mistake ever again.
What a weight to carry.
He took a deep breath and steeled himself as the bathroom door unlocked. David got out with a sigh, a cloud of steam following behind him.
“You can go, now. You need the wash too.” David said with a loud sigh, dropping down on the bed next to him.
“You’re right.” said Hal. He willed himself to put the picture back into his wallet, and put it on the nightstand before getting up and going to the bathroom.
He left the door open to let the rest of the steam from David’s shower evacuate. He leaned on the sink with a sigh, the weariness of the day finally catching up to him. As the steam finally lifted completely, the old mirror, holding on by what seemed to be a single nail and God’s will, slowly cleared itself up, and Otacon watched as more and more of his reflection appeared in front of him. He could see the bag under his own eyes, the emptiness in them, too. He looked down, and froze.
The lower part of his shirt was stained in blood, ugly brownish dried stains. He could see the blood caked up under his fingernails too, dried and flaking away bit by bit. He started shaking, grabbing the hem of his shirt and almost tearing it off his body, balling it up and throwing it across the room, the fabric hitting the bed with a soft thud.
Hal met his own gaze, but it wasn’t his face in the mirror. It was Huey’s. He looked so much like him. His chest felt hollow with the loss of Emma, but he felt ready to burst with disgust.
A scream crawled up his throat, but all that escaped was a distressed sob as he collapsed on a heap on the floor, clutching at his hair, until all he could feel was that pain, hoping it would be enough to distract him from the crushing weight of guilt.
“Hal? You…” David’s question died down in his throat as he laid his gaze upon his collapsed friend. He dropped to his knees next to him, wrapping both arms around him.
“I… I failed her. I failed her again David, and now she’s fucking gone!”
Everything was coming back in full force now, and Hal’s mind was flooded by hundreds of memories he had spent the better part of the last two decades suppressing. His dad, the way he treated him. Julie, the worst thing that had ever happened to him and Emma, the best thing that could have ever happened to his life.
God, Emma.
He still remembered teaching her how to ride a bike, how to make her own breakfast and bed, and remembered holding her hand to cross the street.
Out of nowhere, his hands felt clammy, cold, the sensation of Emma’s slowly cooling skin coming back slowly.
Finally, the scream came, a meager physical outlet for his pain, deafening to him, no matter how much David’s shoulder muffled it. It wasn’t the kind of pain he could just scream out, he knew it. No, this was the kind of pain that would sneak up on him in the middle of the night for years to come, waking him up in cold sweat and with an urge to cry and beg for her to come back. He held onto David, sobs and hiccups rocking his body, afraid that he would break if he let go.
“Emma… Emma… Emma…” He whimpered on a loop. “She’s gone… Emma’s gone…”
“I’m sorry, Hal.” David held him slightly tighter. He knew he couldn’t really relate to Hal’s pain, and that he never would be able to. But still, he held him, his heart breaking as Hal slowly seemed to lose his grip on the control he had always kept. “I’m so sorry.”
The weight of the guilt crushed him. Maybe if he hadn’t left Raiden to fight Vamp, Emma wouldn’t have been stabbed. If he had been enough, Hal wouldn’t have had to watch his sister die in his arms. If he had been better, Hal wouldn't be feeling that very same pain he had felt when he had lost Gray Fox.
He didn’t know what was worse: the fact that he couldn’t save Emma, or the fact Hal was suffering because of his own inaction.
“I have no family now.” Hal sniffled, choking out the words between hiccups. “There’s no Emmerich anymore. Just me.”
“I know it’s rough, Hal. But you’re not alone, remember, huh? I’m not going anywhere.”
Somehow, Hal managed to cling even harder to him. When he looked up, his eyes were brimming with fresh tears that brought tears to David’s eyes as well.
“Don’t die, David. Don’t die before me. I… I don’t wanna lose you.”
“I’m not going to die, Hal. It’s not happening.” He knew it was not a real promise, and he had no doubt Hal knew as well. But they both held onto that promise like a lifeline, fingers digging into skin as if to brand it into existence.
They spent long minutes like that, until Hal pulled back to wipe his eyes and cheeks.
“Gonna shower.” He muttered. David nodded and got up, holding out his hand to help him get up. Both their stomachs rumbled, and Hal’s lips quirked up. “Do you think you can find something to eat while I’m in here?”
“There’s a diner across the street. I’ll get us something from here.”
“Thank you Dave.” Hal had said that in a quiet voice, and David pulled him into his arms once again.
“Anytime, Hal. Anytime.” Hal sighed against him before pulling back once more. He gave the mirror a nasty glare, and David couldn’t help but chuckle. He grabbed his towel and threw it over the mirror, tugging at it until he was sure it wouldn’t fall. “Here. Go, now. I’ll be right back.” He was about to walk away when Hal stopped him, catching his wrist.
“Wai… Wait. Can you… Can you kiss me again?” David smiled fondly at Hal’s hesitation, and turned around, cupping his cheek.
“Thought you’d never ask.” He pressed a long, chaste kiss to Hal’s lips, and he smiled as he heard Hal’s dreamy little sigh against his lips. He kissed him another couple of times, before pulling back completely. “I’m starving, and as good as you taste, I’d rather not collapse on the road tomorrow.”
“Ye… Yeah! You’re right!” Hal pulled back with a soft smile. “See you.”
“I’ll be right back.”
David left him to shower and grabbed an old shirt and jacket, grabbing his pack of cigarettes off the nightstand before going out.
The diner across the road from the motel had definitely seen better days. It was mostly empty apart from a couple of truckers and a bored-looking teenager at the counter who barely looked up at the bell chiming to David’s entrance.
“I’ll grab huh, two hot dogs, two cheeseburgers, one without pickles, and two cokes.” he said, reviewing the short menu.
“Sure. To go or here?”
“To go. Add a snickers bar too.”
He stepped outside to wait, lighting a cigarette. He sighed, watching the cloud of smoke he just blew dissipate. It was a hell of a mission. He couldn’t wait to get back to Alaska, where he knew no one would find them. He thought back to Hal, to his grief that promised to be suffocating. He didn’t know how he would help him through that. He knew grief, of course he did. He had mourned combat buddies, more than he could count. But he had never had a family like Hal’s, a sibling he’d care about enough to mourn them.
But Hal cared about Emma, even if they hadn’t talked in decades. Hal always cared for everyone. He thought back of all the times Hal had helped him or showed just how much he cared, back at the cabin. Thought of him quietly cleaning up the remaining empty bottles on the floor, helping him eat when the withdrawals left him too shaky to hold a fork, following everything David told him to do to toughen him up a bit. And even back when they first met, when Hal had brought him food after he had been tortured by Ocelot. He remembered how skittish he was back then, and how much he had grown since, and David could feel his heart swell with pride.
The teenager waved at him from inside, and David put out his cigarette before grabbing their food.
When he made it back to their room, Hal was laying on his bed in sweatpants, almost asleep.
“You okay?” David asked, putting the food on the dingy table, looking up at Hal as he unpacked it.
“I’ve been better.” said Hal with a sigh. He sat up and yawned. “Does every mission tires you like that?”
“You get used to it. And you didn’t have the easiest day, Hal.” David handed him the burger without the pickles and started on his own, dropping on the small chair with a sigh. They ate in silence, both deep in thoughts.
“Do… Do you think I’m a good person, David?” Hal’s question, spoken in a whisper between two bites, caught David off guard. “I mean… My grandfather, my father… They’ve both partaken in so much destruction. They were assholes, especially my father. I built a Metal Gear, let the government get their hands on it. I’m… I’m no better than them, am I? I gave the government so much more destructive power.”
“You’re better than them, because you’re working to fix what you’ve done, Hal.” Hal looked at him, puzzled. “You built Metal Gear Rex, yeah. But you’ve helped me take it down. And now, you’re working to try and destroy any copies of it. That’s honorable.”
“I don’t want to be another Emmerich stain on the world.” Hal let himself fall back on the bed, rubbing at his eyes. David set down his food and sat beside him.
“You won’t be. Both of us are working far too hard to let our names stop us.”
“Snake… I never thought about it but yeah, must be weird to wear the same codename as your father.” said Hal with a short laugh.
“You have no idea. People discovering who my dad was is always weird.” said David with a grimace. It had the merit of making Hal laugh.
“Thank you Dave. Don’t know what I’d do without you, sometimes.” Hal wiggled to lay his head on his lap with a sigh, closing his eyes.
“Likewise, Hal.” David grunted, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks. He watched Hal’s face, the bag under his eyes, the teartracks he could still see. “Get some rest.” Hal cracked an eye open.
“You too, huh? No spending the night awake or anything.”
“Rich, coming from you.” huffed David. “But yeah, I’ll sleep. We’ll go home tomorrow.”
Hal reached over to his balled up shirt, still beside the pillow. He looked at it, seemingly deep in thought.
“I could wash the stains off, if you want.” said David, a bit gentler.
“No. We’re burning it.” commanded Hal. “I don’t want to wear it anymore.” He threw it in the corner with the rest of their dirty clothes.
“Okay.” David nudged him so he could get up. He wrapped what was left of his burger back in the wrapping paper and took a last sip of his drink.
When he turned back, Hal had burrowed himself under the blanket and was already on the brink of sleep. He smiled and put away whatever was left of their food before sliding into the bed. He carefully removed Hal’s glasses and set them on the bedside table before turning off the light.
He stayed awake, long after Hal’s breathing had evened out and the man had snuggled into his side. He slowly caressed Hal’s back, and sighed. At least they were alive. He had to hold onto that. Tomorrow, they would be well on their way to Alaska, far, far away from the haunting memories of the Big Shell.
All he could hope for was that they’d be okay.
And when Hal snuggled closer, wrapping his arm across David’s stomach, he knew they would be okay. Changed, but okay.
It was enough for now.