Chapter Text
“I’m basically just playing guard detail, honestly. Not even the annoying kind. I won’t have to talk to anybody, I basically just follow at a distance and step in should things take a turn.”
“That’s great, Killua!” Gon chirped. “I think I prefer shadow escorts too, honestly…” He didn’t use to. Usually, jobs that wanted guard detail wanted Gon to be in line of sight– he wasn’t as tall as Killua, but he was a fair bit bulkier than Killua. Purely visible muscle did a lot of preliminary legwork, when it came to security. But so did nen expression. Without nen, Gon found most Hunters wouldn’t be very intimidated by him at all. Most assumed he was a normal human.
Which he was, now. But that wasn’t their business! Gon was plenty capable of holding his own, thank you. There was still lots he could do. Things only he could do! Having nen didn't mean Killua could hold his breath longer than him, or give him a better nose and eyes. He was still... different. He was still useful! And– And even if he wasn’t, that didn’t make him worthless, either.
He just… didn’t have all the same opportunities that he used to. That was all it was. Could be. He had to keep working to believe in that, and himself, or die trying.
“Yeah. It’ll still be a little touch and go–“ Killua voice dropped low, almost under his breath, “I can feel it. These guys aren’t a joke.”
Gon hummed, nodding at no-one. He kicked his feet, rocking in his chair. The kitchen table still held the remnants of their breakfast, even hours later. Killua could cook, but he hated doing dishes. Gon usually just did it for the both of them. It was relaxing, honestly. With just the two of them, there was never a time limit for chores. Gon poked idly at an abandoned fork. Killua used it earlier. Held it between his fingers and his lips. It was cold. “Nothing Killua can’t handle,” he chose. “Are you sure I shouldn’t come along? They’re nen users, so I won’t be active, but I cou–“
“No!”
Gon’s feet slowed to a stop. All four legs of his chair landed back on the floor. The fork clattered with a sharp ting! against the porcelain.
A crackling breath through the receiver. “Nah, you don’t have to,” Killua tried again, voice light and casual, “I work better alone, you know that. The less variables, the easier I can keep track of everything. I’m the one doing the mental heavy lifting, you know, help keep my job easier!”
“Killua…”
“Hey,” Killua whispered, “It’s going to be okay. I’m gonna be back by dinner, so don’t eat my share!”
Gon’s brows knit together. “But, Killu–“
“Don’t follow me, Gon. Seriously.”
Click.
Gon stared down at the phone until the screen went dark in his hand. Killua… he scowled. Stupid! Just what did he think he was doing? That was so uncool, interrupting and hanging up before Gon could finish. If Killua was going to go off on his own and do big important jobs, the least he could do was let Gon put a period on a sentence.
Especially this time. He had a bad feeling. The tone of Killua’s voice was self-assured, as always, but with a twinge of…?
He shook it off. No, it was fine. Killua was Killua, and Killua could do anything. He was strong and fast when they were young; now he was really strong and really fast– No matter how dangerous the mission, he always came out with the lightest injuries. If any at all! Few people could so much as notice Killua, much less lay a hand on him. Years of developing his nen and body beyond its limits, reaching levels Gon would never be able to–
A distinct cracking sound.
Urk. He was doing it again. Gon set his phone down before it could further break in his hands. He shut his eyes, tilted his head back. Breathed in slow, and measured, the way Leorio taught him. He was okay. Powerless didn’t mean worthless. He wasn’t weak. And if he was, being physically weak wasn’t so bad. He had a life filled with amazing people who he loved and who loved him, who wanted him to be happy and healthy, and they were (mostly) just a phone call or a blimp trip away. He spent every day with his best friend and the majority of those days were painless and full of laughter. He was okay. He was more than okay. He was happy. He didn’t need nen to live a full, rich, happy life, and the past three years had been nothing but proof of that.
Gon breathed out. His eyes opened.
Sure, he was vulnerable in cases of nen. It made being a Hunter difficult– different. But it didn’t make it impossible. Life was far from impossible! And anything he couldn’t do, Killua could–!
His next breath hissed through his teeth.
Killua.
“Argh!!” Gon whisper-yelled, refraining from stomping his feet. The apartment building they had was good and secure, the walls thick and reinforced and very helpfully soundproofed. But Gon had still managed to crack one of the kitchen tiles, and Killua still hadn’t forgiven him. Besides, tantrums were bad ways to express his anger! He should work out, or go for a run, or bake, or whittle, or– or something. Things that were good-violent, if they had to be violent! Sparring was the best, was fun and exhilarating and–
Killua-Killua-Killua.
Fuck. This wasn’t working.
Gon fumbled for his phone, checking the time. Three in the afternoon. It hadn’t even been twenty minutes since Killua (hung up on him) went on his job. Man, he sounded so weird on that call. Where did he get off, whispering like that? Killua didn’t whisper. He muttered and mumbled when Gon called at bad times, but he didn’t whisper. The tone of his voice, so thin and careful…
The gut feeling came back, twisting and churning in his belly. Gon pressed his lips tight. He wrung his hands. Killua didn’t sound right. Killua said he’d be back by dinner time. Killua was acting strange. Killua hung up on him. Killua was stronger and faster than anyone. Killua never hung up on him.
Killua was on a job, a Hunter job, and if Gon went after him for a “gut feeling” and it turned out nothing was wrong, Gon would never hear the end of it again.
What if he got home and Gon wasn’t there? Killua had gotten better over the years, but his paranoia about Gon’s safety was still a little suffocating, at times. It would definitely spike if Killua came back from a hard job and Gon was gone. It would be debilitating if he found out Gon had gone after him.
Gon hummed to himself indecisively even as he shrugged on a hoodie and some combat gloves and stepped out the door.
An angry and scared Killua was still a whole and hale Killua. The dead couldn’t forgive. They could only forget.
Gon wasn’t about to accept being useless. He definitely wasn't about to accept being forgotten.
The door locked decisively behind him.