Chapter Text
“Oh my God, you had sex with Jess?”
“I did, I had sex with Jess.”
“Oh my God!”
Lane was so much her teenage self in that moment, Rory couldn’t help but laugh. Honestly, she could quite easily imagine she was seventeen again herself, if not for the way her body ached and she felt more tired than she had in forever, even though it was two whole days since her and Jess had gone on their date and then spent the night together.
“It was good, right?” Lane asked then, the look on her face confirming, without question that she was asking about the post-date activities rather than the going out to dinner part of the evening.
“It was.” Rory nodded. “I mean, I don’t really know what I expected. It’s not like it would’ve been back then, obviously, but it was... it was me and Jess. You know what was between us before, it has always been special, kind of electric, I guess. Let’s just say, I left the apartment a satisfied woman.”
Rory wasn’t sure she knew how to explain any better than that, and even if she did, she didn’t entirely want to. Some people were comfortable talking in-depth about their sex lives, she knew, having experienced friends who would tell her much more than she ever needed to know, without her ever asking. She just wasn’t built that way herself, and thankfully, she knew Lane wasn’t the type to dig too deep either.
“Wow. You and Jess.” She sighed and shook her head, the grin on her face not shifting even a tiny bit. “You know, I really think it was destiny. Obviously, I was mad at him back in the day, when he was making you so upset and everything, but there was always something with you two. It was as if you were just circling around, waiting on each other to be in the right place, at the right time.”
That didn’t sound right to Rory, until she gave it a moment’s thought and realised, she had no reasonable argument to what her friend was implying. Timing was everything, or so they said, and she had to admit that, where she and Jess were concerned, their previous timing had always been pretty crappy.
When he first came to town, she was seeing Dean. Just when she started to realise maybe she should be brave and dump her boyfriend to be with Jess, she had to go to Washington and arrived home to find Jess with Shane. Even when they were together, it was hard work, because he had issues and so did she. They just weren’t grown up enough to handle each other, not properly. By the time he was in a better place, she wasn’t, for the longest time, and when at last her life came together, he seemed to disappear.
“You’re right,” she told Lane, almost laughing at herself for not seeing it sooner. “We really do have the worst timing of any two people in the world. Even worse than my mom and Luke, and that took a really long time to work out.”
“Maybe it’s a genetic thing,” Lane considered, shrugging her shoulders, “but hey, you don’t have to worry about that anymore, because finally, finally it’s working out!”
She had a tight grip on Rory’s arm and was practically bouncing in her seat, the years just falling away from her as she giggled like the teen she used to be. Nobody would have suspected she had grown up kids of her own. Lane was giddy as a high schooler and Rory couldn’t help but feel much the same way.
“It feels so strange,” she admitted, leaning back into the couch cushions with a sigh. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good strange, but still, it’s like two worlds colliding or something. On the one hand, I have this great life, my son, my own home, my work, and I love it all. On the other, I have Jess, my high school boyfriend back in my life making me so, so happy, and I... I love him too. I knew that part already, that I loved him, but I don’t think I realised I could be in love with him. Still in love with him?” she considered, before shaking her head. “I don’t know, I was never sure when we were kids if that was what I was feeling. After all, I was sure I was in love with Dean, at least until Jess came along, and then, there was Logan. God, how does anybody ever really know if they’re in love? I’m forty-seven years old and I’m still not one hundred percent certain.”
Lane’s hand on her arm was soft and comforting then. “You’ve had it tough. Dean seemed like a nice guy, and I guess he was in a lot of ways, but you have to admit, his jealous streak was a mile wide, even before Jess showed up. I’m sure you did love him, like I loved Dave, but that doesn’t mean you can’t also love somebody else. Jess was clearly who you were supposed to be with, and for what it’s worth, I believe you always loved him, that you were in love with him from the first minute. With Logan... I don’t know, I think you did fall for the guy. He was good-looking and charming and exciting. I mean, what’s not to love?”
Rory slowly nodded her head. “I did love him, and I’m glad I did, for Noah’s sake, if nothing else. I loved all three of them, at different times. They all mattered, and for a while, they were all great boyfriends, and exactly who I needed at the time when each of them came along.”
“And now, you’re ready for Jess to come back around again. Jess 2.0.”
“Jess 3.0, or maybe even a better version than that,” Rory considered, smiling as she thought about him, unable to help it. “It’s so crazy, Lane. When he was first here, everybody was so quick to tell me I was too good for him, to tell him he wasn’t good enough for me. I never believed it, but it was the general consensus. Even you said so once.”
Lane shrugged. “I meant it at the time, I guess. You have to admit, he wasn’t exactly the best at treating you like a girlfriend should be treated, but I understand now that he was going through a lot.”
“He was,” Rory agreed. “More than he could deal with. More than I knew how to help with, but he got over it. You know, when he came to visit, a while before my mom and Luke got married, when he told me I should write a book... God, he had come so far, and I was in this sucky place in my life. I looked across the desk at the newspaper office and I just... I wasn’t even thinking about him that way then, not consciously, anyway, but it hit me so hard that, if I had wanted him back, I couldn’t have deserved him then. I was a mess. My life was just so undefined and crappy and, and I didn’t like who I was or what I was doing.”
“See, this is what I was talking about,” Lane told her. “Your timing was always bad, for both of you. Now is obviously the right time, right?”
Rory wanted to believe that. She nodded her head to say that Lane was right, but that didn’t stop her teeth worrying her bottom lip, and her mind spinning a mile a minute with potential problems.
After all, as much as Noah said he was cool with Rory dating Jess, she had to wonder if he always would be, especially when things got serious, which it seemed liked they would, and fast. Then there was the whole situation with Logan. So far, Noah said he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do regarding a possible relationship with his father. He was thinking about it, weighing it up. It had only been a week or so, and it was a big decision.
Besides, he was a lot like Rory when it came to pro-con lists and such. She would just hate for him to think she didn’t want to help him with that whole thing. As much as she could despise Logan for his attitude and behaviour, she was always, always there for her son, no matter what. Whatever he needed, she wanted to provide, if she possibly could.
“I told you, guys, I’ll be there for the meeting. It’s no big deal.”
Jess was getting a little tired of repeating himself and more than a little frustrated with Chris and Matthew for making him do it. They also kept on grinning at him like idiots through the computer screen, even though he had given them next to no information about his renewed romance with Rory. All they knew was that there had been a date and everything was going well. Though Jess didn’t exactly class himself as a gentleman, old-fashioned or otherwise, he was not sharing any more of his or Rory’s business than that, not even with the guys who had been practically like brothers to him over the past twenty plus years.
Just as they were beginning to press him some more, hoping for any details they could glean, somebody knocked loudly on the apartment door. Jess had no idea who it could be, since Luke only gave a cursory knock before walking straight in, and the only other person to come seeking him out would be Rory. She was out too, since it was barely a half-hour ago that they had been texting and she said she was going to spend some serious girl-talk time with Lane.
“Guys, I gotta go,” he told Chris and Matthew then. “But like I said, I’ll see you Friday.”
He barely let them answer before he closed the lid on his laptop, getting up to go over to the door, just as the unknown visitor knocked all over again.
“Okay, okay,” he muttered, finally getting the door open. “What’s the... problem?” The last word became disjointed from the rest when Jess finally saw who was there waiting for him. “Noah. What’s up?”
The kid looked weird, agitated maybe, and that couldn’t be good on any level. Of course, Jess’ first thought was that he had come to yell and scream about Rory. How he wanted Jess to leave her alone or something, stop trying to get in the way of his parents reuniting maybe. Not that any of that would make sense, given what Noah had said before, but it was Jess’ biggest fear, if he were honest.
“I, uh... I thought maybe we could talk?” he said, shifting awkwardly in place, looking nervous as hell. “I mean, you said if I ever needed somebody to talk to, you know, with us having the whole absent father thing in common...”
“Right, sure. Come in.” Jess quickly moved aside and ushered the boy inside, feeling like a heel for actually being relieved that all the fuss was about Logan rather than himself.
The last thing Jess wanted was to see Noah suffering. Strange as it might sound, he already loved the boy, not least because he was a part of Rory, who he had loved for thirty years already. The weirdest part was how he could see pieces of himself reflected in Noah. It was an impossibility and yet still it was true.
“You wanna sit?” he asked, gesturing to the chairs.
Noah parked himself, putting his school bag on the table, eyes trained largely on the floor, as one leg jiggled with pent-up energy. He was in a bad place. Nothing too horrific where Jess might be genuinely scared what he would do to himself or others, but he was holding too much in, worrying too much. He knew the signs because he used to be the same way. Still could be, sometimes, only he had learned how to deal a little better over the last couple of decades or so.
“So,” said Jess, pulling the other chair until it was facing Noah then sitting down in it, leaning over with his elbows on his knees and trying to meet the kid’s constantly shifting gaze. “What’s going on? Did you talk to Logan again?”
Noah shook his head. “Not yet. I keep thinking about it. I mean, he didn’t care about me for most of my life. He never would’ve come see me if Mom didn’t chase his ass down and make him do it.”
He looked up awkwardly then and Jess tried really hard not to smile too much. “You think I care that you just said ‘ass’?”
“Probably not.” Noah sighed. “Mom’s not a huge fan.”
“Well, I won’t tell her about it,” Jess assured him, “but I’m pretty sure in these kinds of circumstances, she would understand anyway.”
“Anyway,” Noah continued then, “I feel like what’s the point in even trying to get to know him? It’s obviously not what he wants. If he did, he would’ve been around before. And then, the way he talked about my mom, like it was all her fault that he wasn’t there for me, and that his other marriages and stuff never worked out... He made me so damn mad. I wanted to...”
He didn’t finish the sentence, but the way his right fist smacked against his left palm told Jess everything he needed to know. It was a sentiment he well understood where Logan Huntzberger was concerned and for all kinds of reasons.
“Yeah, well, we’ve all been there,” he said, rolling his eyes, “but it’s true what they tell you. Most of the time, violence isn’t worth it.”
“Most of the time?” Noah checked, one eyebrow raised.
Jess fought a smirk and lost. “As far as you’re concerned, it’s never worth it,” he told him. “When you’re out of school and out of your mom’s house, and you think you have a really, really good reason, then we’ll talk about it some more, okay?”
He wasn’t expecting the expression that put on Noah’s face, a little surprise but with a smile to go along with. It was a vast change from the nervous twitching and anger he had started out with.
“You know, I’d be okay with that. You still being around, years from now, I mean. You’re obviously making Mom seriously happy already, and Grandpa Luke loves having you here too.”
It was impossible for Jess not to squirm at the implications. “Yeah, well, that’s a conversation for another day. Right now, we’re talking about you and what you wanna do about your dad. You know, I can’t tell you what the answer is, right? Just because my father wasn’t exactly stellar dad material back in the day, every person is different, and every relationship is its own thing, Noah.”
“I get that,” he said, nodding his head. “I just... I guess I want to know if it’s normal. You know, the part where I hate this guy for being the way he is, but at the same time... at the same time, I wanna get to know him, because he’s my dad.”
He was going to cry, and if he did that, Jess had no idea how he would deal. Thankfully, it was a rare moment when Noah ever looked at all like Logan, but sometimes, Jess wondered if it was all the times he looked like Rory that were tougher to deal with, especially when the sad end of the emotional spectrum was involved.
“Well, first of all, pretty sure there is no normal. Everybody has their own normal, and it hardly ever matches up with anybody else’s idea of what that is,” he explained, “but loving and hating your dad all at the same time? I get that,” he promised, nodding his head. “A part of me couldn’t stand the idea of being around the guy that ran out on me the day I was born and never looked back. What kind of asshole does that, right? But when Jimmy showed up and we talked and, and I saw myself in how he looked and heard myself in how he talked, there was no way not to wanna try and understand, to try and connect or whatever. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to want to know Logan, but I’m also not saying you shouldn’t. It has to be your decision, Noah. Nobody else can make that kind of choice for you. Not me or your mom or even your dad. Just you.”
It was a lot to put on a fourteen-year-old. It had felt a lot to Jess at eighteen and grown, but still, what he said held true. Whether Noah wanted a relationship with Logan or not was his choice alone, and apparently, he was struggling with it. Jess didn’t push or prod, didn’t hurry him to say anything or to go. For a long while, they just sat in silence, Noah clearly thinking hard, Jess only hoping he wasn’t inadvertently making matters worse.
“I just don’t want Mom to be mad about it,” said Noah eventually, voice so quiet, Jess wouldn’t have heard him at all, if they hadn’t been sat fairly close together in a silence room. “She says whatever I choose to do is fine with her, but after what he said-”
“Hey, if Rory said she’s cool with something, then she’s cool with it,” Jess cut in then. “I get that you think she might just be saying it to make you feel better, and I’m sure that, on some levels, she would love to never have to deal with your dad again, for obvious reasons, but you matter more to her than anyone else. There is no doubt in my mind about that. You come first with her, Noah.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re right up there in the ranking too.”
There was no bitterness when he said it, no real edge to his voice, just a statement of the facts as he saw them. Jess took no offence and felt not at all slighted when he gave his own response.
“Nope. I come in second, maybe. Honestly, I’m just happy if I make the Top Ten,” he said honestly. “What matters is that you are number one with your mom. I know that and I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he said definitely. “I’m also pretty sure that if you talk to her about how you’re feeling, she will be fine with it. She would probably actually be glad to know you’re taking this seriously and that she means so damn much to you, but,” he emphasised firmly, “she’ll also tell you the same thing I am. You need to make this choice, and whichever way you go with it, you will have everybody’s support. I’m not just talking about your mom and me, but your grandparents too. Everybody who loves you just wants you to be happy, Noah. If getting to know Logan will help you, even if you think there’s a chance it will, then go for it. You can always stop contact later if you need to, or if you just want to step back right now, without any more calls or meetings, that’s okay too. Nobody’s going to judge you either way.”
As he said these things, Jess could actually hear Luke’s voice in his head. The words would’ve sounded better coming from his uncle, he was sure, and yet, the look on Noah’s face suggested he hadn’t done so bad of a job himself. At least he was smiling, even if it wasn’t the biggest grin he ever wore in his life.
“Thanks, Jess,” he said, after a moment or two. “I, uh, I appreciate it.”
It was only then that Jess let out a breath he hardly knew he had been holding. “Anytime.”