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It had been a fucking long weekend and Izzy was more than ready to go home.
Ever since they had started the whole ‘open marriage thing’ at Edward’s suggestion, Izzy had had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he had worked very hard on suppressing, pushing it down until he could ignore it and keep going, keep smiling at Edward as if nothing was wrong.
The fact that Edward’s new boyfriend had been handsome and very thoughtful of Izzy’s feelings had helped, he guessed. Stede had always insisted on being open and honest, never using tricks to steal Edward’s attention from him, even including Izzy in their plans more and more often.
Izzy had found Stede barely tolerable at first, but the blonde man had eventually grown on him. How could a man his age still be so sweet and eager was a mystery to Izzy, but he had to admit that it had felt nice to be looked at as if he mattered sometimes and not as if he was simply there to listen to what was being said. In fact, Stede had started talking to Izzy with more kindness than Edward had showed him in a long time and the blonde’s warm smiles had often soothed the fear that Izzy had been trying so hard to ignore.
It had felt very, very nice, so much in fact that when Edward had suggested Izzy could join them in bed one night, Izzy had agreed, not just to please Edward but also because he had wanted to. He had been curious and even if he would never admit it out loud, he had probably also felt a bit lonely since Edward had started spending so much time with Stede.
It could have been a mess, but the sex had been great, to be honest. It had been intense and fun and the three of them had worked surprisingly well in bed together so Izzy had kept having sex with them sometimes and he had enjoyed it, but outside the bedroom Edward’s attention had started drifting away from Izzy more and more every day.
It had been subtle at first, but Izzy knew his husband too well to not notice it. Izzy had always been harsh and grouchy and Edward had never seemed to mind, he had always given back as good as he got, but now, Izzy could see how he beamed whenever Stede called him ‘darling’, how his hand reached for Stede’s while they were walking, how he kissed Stede so softly on the lips when they said goodbye. That new softness didn’t extend to Izzy, but it wasn’t as if Izzy had asked for it anyway.
Edward always smiled at Stede so brightly, always asking his opinion about crazy business ideas that Izzy knew were never going to actually materialize. The both of them could talk for hours on the phone, coming up with details and more details for those new plans, while Izzy would sit there, feeling like an afterthought for the man he had loved for so many years.
Maybe it had been his fault after all. Izzy had always tried to rein in Edward’s imagination, trying to get him to focus on not sinking the pub they had worked so hard to own, but maybe Edward had needed somebody who would support him more, someone who didn’t turn his dreams into dull long-term plans for monetary safety reasons. Izzy had been just so scared of losing everything, always checking the bills that they had barely managed to pay in time sometimes, that he hadn’t noticed it.
The financial situation was much easier now that Stede was there since the man was loaded. That had also helped tolerating him at first, no more rough times if there weren’t enough good nights at the pub. And the man hadn’t even blinked when Edward had asked him if he could help with that, Stede had simply asked how much and then he had doubled the amount they needed ‘just to make sure it was enough’.
Stede also owned a very nice house by the beach that he got in the divorce and that was where they had been spending a long weekend, just the three of them. It had been Stede’s idea and he had been so excited that of course Izzy had said yes when he had asked if he wanted to join them for the weekend.
The place was nice and the views were amazing, but there the sense of impending doom inside his chest had started growing again. Too much free time to think, too many moments with Stede and Edward that had made him feel like a third wheel and he hadn’t had the chance to distract himself from those with work like he usually did.
There had been many little things. Like the way he had sat on the backseat of the car in silence the whole drive there while Stede and Edward sang silly songs from the radio. Like the way the only words Edward had said to him during lunch had been ‘Pass me the salt, will you, Iz?’. Like the way Edward had snuggled only against Stede while the three of them watched a movie on the sofa.
Izzy had stayed awake most of their first night there, looking at the ceiling while Stede and Edward were sleeping curled around each other right beside him. Then in the morning, Edward had dragged Stede away for a walk on the beach without so much as looking back at Izzy.
Stede had turned around at the last moment to ask him if he wanted to go with them, but Izzy had declined the invitation, claiming to have a bit of a headache, something that Stede hadn’t apparently bought, but when he had been clearly about to insist with a worried expression on his face, Edward had jumped in, putting a reassuring arm around the blonde man’s shoulders.
“Izzy will be fine, Stede, sometimes he simply needs some time alone,” Edward had said nonchalantly. “He likes a bit of peace and quiet, don’t you, Iz?”
Izzy had nodded, of course, and they had walked out, leaving him alone with his thoughts. It hadn’t gone well.
He had started going through the events of the weekend and then the events of the previous weeks, the previous months… Eventually, that thought that Izzy had been trying so hard to keep buried had finally surfaced and filled his mind: his husband didn’t love him anymore. And Izzy had been completely sure it was the truth. He had known for a while, probably, he simply hadn’t wanted to admit it.
As the idea had finally sunk in, Izzy had known it was time to leave.
---
It was over, his mind repeated as he went to their room to pack his things. It was really over, but instead of shattering in a big, dramatic event, his marriage had simply ended up dying slowly.
He wasn’t going to do anything as dramatic as leaving without saying goodbye, but he really wasn’t planning on staying longer than necessary after Edward came back and they could have a conversation that Izzy wasn’t expecting to be too long.
So Izzy packed his luckily small bag, making sure he didn’t forget anything, charged his phone, checked the bus schedule and where the nearest hotel was and then he sat down to read one of Stede’s many books as he waited for them to come back from the beach. Or at least, he tried to. The tears he was stubbornly trying to hold back didn’t really let him read much.
Fortunately it didn’t take them too long to come back and they seemed to immediately notice his somber expression and the bag beside the couch.
Stede looked upset, but before he could start interrogating Izzy, Edward stopped him putting a hand on his shoulder and then took a step forward to stand right in front of Izzy. Edward apparently knew this was a conversation between them and Izzy was grateful that it didn’t look like he was going to make things more difficult than they needed to be.
“So you’re going, Iz?” Edward asked him, resignation clear in his voice.
“Did you even want me to come here in the first place, Edward?” Izzy asked calmly in return. “You… Would it have made any difference if I had said no and stayed home? Would you have missed me at all?”
“I dunno, man, I guess it’s nice that you’re here, I’m used to having you around,” Edward replied, shrugging lightly.
Like furniture, Izzy’s mind suggested immediately. Like an old couch that you really should throw away, but you don’t because it’s comfy and you can still use it a bit longer. That was an honest answer at least and Izzy guessed it was good that Edward didn’t try to soften it, didn’t try to make it something that it wasn’t anymore.
“I can’t do this, Ed, there’s no need to keep me around out of pity,” Izzy said, his voice wavering slightly despite his best efforts. “We both know you won’t miss me much if I’m not here. I think it’s best if I go home early and leave you two to enjoy the rest of the weekend,” he added as he leaned down to pick up his bag.
“Thank you for everything, Stede,” Izzy barely remembered to add. The man had been so nice to him, it was the least he could say before disappearing from his life. “It was… it was nice to have you around.”
Izzy took a brief look at Stede’s face then and was surprised to see the man looked devastated. The sweet idiot, Izzy thought. Maybe he felt guilty about the whole thing, but Izzy knew if it hadn’t been Stede, it would have been some other guy. Izzy didn’t have any strength left to talk to him about it now, though, he barely had enough to leave the place with as much of his dignity intact as he could.
“I’ll be at the hotel by the main road, I’ll go back home tomorrow morning. Just- if you’re not going to come back just let me know so I don’t have to worry waiting for you,” Izzy said quietly to Edward as he walked to the door.
Edward simply nodded, looking saddened, but not terribly surprised and the fact that the conversation had been so short, that Edward hadn’t asked for any more explanations was damning enough. Edward knew what Izzy was talking about because he had also realized that their relationship was over. Izzy had been simply the first one of them to say something out loud.
---
Izzy was walking slowly on his way to the hotel and was relieved that at least it wasn’t raining. It would have been a perfect weather to accompany him on his way out of his failed marriage, but it would have been fucking uncomfortable and annoying to be soaking wet on top of everything else.
It wasn’t a long walk to the hotel and the sunny weather and the fresh air were actually helping Izzy to clear his head a bit, but when he was almost there and noticed the luxurious building with a big private beach, Izzy started worrying about the price of the rooms. Surely one night wasn’t going to ruin him, but he was checking his phone to see how long it would take him to reach the nearest not-so-expensive hotel when he heard some hurried footsteps behind him and when he turned around he almost dropped his phone in surprise.
Stede Bonnet was rushing toward him, flushed and obviously upset and after the initial shock Izzy felt his anger starting to grow. He knew the man was probably well-meaning and simply wanted to talk, but for fuck’s sake, Izzy needed space to process the whole thing, needed some time alone to lick his wounds and probably cry his eyes out, he couldn’t do the soft talking Stede was always so insistent on right now.
“Izzy! I’ve-”
“No, Bonnet, fuck, no!” Izzy stopped him before he could even start talking. “Now is not the time! I don’t want to talk about Edward with you right now-“
“But I didn’t come here to talk about Edward, Izzy!”
That stopped Izzy in his tracks. He didn’t? Then what was he doing there? Had Izzy left something important in the house?
“I just, I understand that whatever is going on in your relationship with Edward, it’s something between you and him to discuss and I won’t interfere… or at least I swear I’ll try not to,” Stede said softly. “But… when you left the house, it seemed to me like you thought there was nothing else for you there?” he added, hesitantly.
Izzy looked at him in confusion. That had certainly not been the turn he had expected from that conversation.
“What about… me?” Stede added, voice thin and unsure. “What about- what about us, Izzy?”
It took Izzy a moment to fully comprehend what Stede was saying and even then, he couldn’t believe he was getting it right.
“Do you- do you still want to… spend time with me even if Edward and I…?” Izzy tried to ask, losing his voice before even finishing the sentence.
“I’d very much like to, Izzy,” Stede replied without hesitation. “Did you really think I only cared about Edward this whole time?”
The silence that followed that question had to be answer enough because Stede’s face immediately fell and the hurt in his eyes made Izzy feel a sharp pang of guilt.
“It’s just that, well, you were Edward’s boyfriend, you asked him out!” Izzy said, defending himself. “And-and you’re always close together, touching each other and having fancy dinner dates and…”
Izzy stopped, grimacing at his own words. He tried to think a better way to explain it, but he had never been good at expressing feelings of any kind aside from anger.
“You two are a couple,” Izzy tried to explain again. “And I know I am… just there… sometimes.”
Izzy had always known he was just a guest in Stede and Edward’s relationship and he had never wanted to outstay his welcome, that was why he had never asked for anything more than what was being given to him.
“Oh, Izzy,” Stede sighed, looking deeply saddened. “It might have been like that at first, but I thought we had got closer in the end, you and me. I kept a bit of distance simply because I didn’t want to be overwhelming. I know I can be a bit too much sometimes and you seemed to want your own space so I wanted to respect that.”
“And of course I wanted to touch you all the time, darling, I wanted it so much,” Stede continued, taking a step closer to Izzy. “But I knew you don’t exactly like public displays of affection or big romantic gestures and I didn’t want to upset you… I thought my feelings for you were obvious anyway, but I think maybe I didn’t get that right if after all this time you still thought I didn’t care deeply about you.”
Izzy looked at him in amazement. So those warm smiles and soft touches hadn’t been just Stede being polite, the man had been really interested in him and Izzy had completely missed it because he had been too focused on his dying marriage to notice it.
Stede did care about him, he really did.
“Fuck,” Izzy simply said.
Something good must have started showing on Izzy’s face then because Stede’s expression finally started brightening, a little smile appearing on his face.
“Is that a good ‘fuck’?” Stede asked, sounding hopeful. “Do I still have a chance?”
Izzy didn’t trust his voice so he simply nodded and Stede beamed at him. The man immediately started rambling about dinner dates and movie nights and how great it was that he now had the chance to woo him as Izzy stared wide-eyed at him.
“You’re probably going to regret it, Bonnet, don’t look so excited about this,” Izzy finally grumbled, pretending to be annoyed by the cheerful man. “And maybe Edward won’t be too happy about this…”
“Oh, I don’t think so, Izzy. And Edward was the one who suggested an open relationship in the first place anyway, I don’t see why he would have anything to object now,” he replied with a confident smile. “I think it’s going to be ok, darling. We’re going to be ok.”
Izzy simply looked at him thoughtfully and smiled back.
---
Stede decided to walk with Izzy to the fancy hotel before going back to his house and he insisted on walking Izzy to the door of his room like a gentleman, because he wanted to court him properly, he said proudly. Izzy grumbled about it, but he couldn’t hide the smile on his face at the sappy gesture and when they finally reached his room and Stede leaned down to press a soft kiss on his lips before saying goodbye, Izzy felt happier than he had been in a long time.