Work Text:
You Are Invited To The
Stark Annual Charity Ball and Silent Auction
Please help support various charities throughout the city of New York by contributing...
Steve dropped the invitation to the ground in panic.
A ball.
A ball meant dancing, a date, and socializing about things that didn't happen seventy years ago.
Steve Rodgers had never learned to dance, nor had he ever really gone on a date. He also suspected that talking about the forties might seem like a strange conversation topic.
This could only mean one thing... Steve Rodgers aka Captain Fucking America was screwed.
...
"Your childhood hero is running around freaking out about Tony's ball thing that's this Saturday; and you’re just going to sit there and not help him." Clint was giving the older man a look that bordered on amused and confused. Sometimes Phil regretted not telling Clint his plans beforehand, but the younger man had a very endearing face when he was confused.
"You honestly think I don't have a plan?" Phil raised an eyebrow and leveled the archer with a challenging look. He should know better than to doubt Phil's skills.
Clint, for his part, was trying very hard to not make an ass of his self at the moment. His mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water and Phil couldn't help but feel fond.
"No... It’s just... I... shit." Phil laughed quietly and kissed the top of Clint's head. His frown immediately turned into a bright smile. Phil rarely showed affection in a public area so any time he did it felt special.
"I have a plan. I couldn't possibly allow Captain America to make a fool of his self." Clint knew the smile that was on Phil Coulson's face and it terrified him. The last time he saw that wolfish grin (while human) HYDRA found themselves short three warehouses and more than four dozen agents.
Steve Rodgers was screwed, and Clint was going to enjoy the show.
...
"Well you can't just take anyone Cap. If you need help I've got enough phone numbers to fill several little black books."
Tony Stark had decided that all of the Avengers were to attend his annual ball, and that they would all be dressed to impress. He told them all that they would not embarrass him while wearing anything less than fabulous. While Steve was grateful to get a nice suit (most likely a tux knowing Tony) from the billionaire, he didn't want any help with getting a date.
"Steve doesn't need help getting a date Tony." Bruce as usual was being his kind self, but everyone could tell he wasn’t telling the truth. Steve was terrible at getting a date; he just couldn't talk to girls.
If Bucky was still alive, he would be dying of laughter right about now.
"That's why I'm glad I have a date already, makes my life easier." Clint had a far off look in his eyes, and Steve felt a small twinge of jealously. It was odd, he knew he shouldn't be feeling that way, but he envied the other Avengers for their relationships. Tony and Pepper were a combination of business, friendship, and love that anyone could see just by looking at the two. Thor and Jane's relationship, while the shortest, was also fun and easy with a passion that only new couples could have. Clint and Coulson's relationship was still hard for Steve to understand, but the love was still there.
Steve didn't know about Bruce and Natasha but he would bet his shield that they were better at getting a date then he was.
Tony's offer was starting to sound pretty good, which caused Steve to groan loudly and hit his head against the wall. Obviously he was starting to go insane.
...
When Steve came into the very large living room that all the Avengers shared he was not surprised to see Phil Coulson in his wolf form asleep on one of the large couches. He was surprised to see a familiar red fox sleeping right on top of him.
"Phil just came back with Darcy and Jane two hours ago, the flight was hell so I think they're just sleeping it off right now." Steve prided himself in not jumping five feet in the air at Natasha's sudden appearance. Living with SHIELD assassins certainly had its drawbacks.
"Is Darcy also attending Stark's ball?" Said college student's fury ear twitched slightly at her name but continued to sleep.
"Yeah, Pepper and I are going to go shopping with her tomorrow. Stark is buying us dresses for it." Natasha loved shopping, especially for evening wear. Even though she could probably kill him, Steve thought it was sweet.
With Pepper's ability to find dresses that awed every time and Natasha's 'looks should kill' theory, there was no doubt in Steve's mind that the three would be stealing the show on Saturday.
He pretended for a moment that he wasn't at all curious about what dress Darcy would wear.
...
"You and me, we are going to this ball thing together. I refuse to let you be eaten alive by the overly tan, rich females there, while giving Tony blackmail."
Steve looked at Darcy with wide eyes; he had not been expecting this when the younger girl had stormed into the gym straight towards him.
"My dress is red, and don't bother with flowers. Also there is an open bar which you might have to drag me away from," Darcy smiled and Steve couldn't help but smile back like an idiot school girl with a crush. "And I'm going to teach you how to dougie."
After a few seconds of confusion on what just happened, Steve's face broke out into a wide grin. He had a date.
...
"Did this brilliant plan of yours include Darcy, a red dress, and using Steve's kind nature against him?"
The wolf in front of him broke out into what had to be the most predatory of wolf grins Clint had ever seen.
"You, Phil Coulson, are one sneaky bastard.
...
Darcy had indeed worn a red dress and it was beyond stunning. It fit her curves in all the right places and brought out the color of her dark hair and full lips.
Clint had said she looked "foxy," and Phil had smacked him upside the head.
...
Steve Rodgers wasn't surprised to see how well the evening was going with Darcy as his date. The two of them had always gotten along before and she always managed to get him out of his shell.
She also taught him how to dougie.
...
When they kissed goodnight Steve Rodgers aka Captain Fucking America was twitterpated.
...
...
"You, Phil Coulson are one sneaky, genius bastard."
fin