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“hey, pass me that bottle, will you?” itadori asked, gesturing to the vodka on his nightstand. another day goes by, and itadori finds himself drinking on the floor of his room with his lovely boyfriend fushiguro while watching some random movie. he knows it’s not good for them, but then again, none of this is, isn’t it? they’re kids, not heroes.
taking a sip, itadori would like to think that his tolerance is pretty good. it takes a lot for him to get fully drunk, and even when he is, he finds that he manages himself pretty well.
“yuuji… i want ice cream,” fushiguro whined out, clinging onto itadori’s arm. now fushiguro on the other hand was on the opposite side of the spectrum. “can we go get ice cream?”
“sorry, gumi, but we can’t,” itadori said with a quiet chuckle before kissing his forehead. “it’s late, and we don’t want to get caught sneaking out of our dorms while also being drunk.”
“aw, ok,” fushiguro replied, his pout as cute as ever. it doesn’t take much for him to get fully drunk, and when he is, he’s a completely different person.
fushiguro’s typically very aloof and cold, not one to seek out physical contact or affection. he’s gotten a lot better since they started dating, but even so, it’s usually itadori that has to initiate anything. not like he minds, it always flusters fushiguro when he does, and it’s absolutely adorable. but when he’s drunk out of his mind-
“yuuji,” fushiguro drawled as he fell into itadori’s lap, wrapping his arms around his waist. “i want you to kiss me, can you kiss me please?”
this was just as adorable too. “of course i can. come on, sit up properly so i can kiss you.”
fushiguro giggled. “yay! i get to kiss my boyfriend!”
god, just how much cuter could he get? hoisting fushiguro up into his lap, itadori cradled him softly, looking up at him like he’s the glistening moon in his night sky.
“you’re so beautiful,” itadori murmured before kissing fushiguro, feeling him smile against his lips. nothing could ever be more perfect than this moment he has now in his hands and heart.
he drank in the soft moans and whines fushiguro let out, his hands roaming around and resting on his waist. fushiguro tasted like cheap booze and salty chips, but itadori loved and chased after it nonetheless. swirling his tongue around, he opened his eyes for just a moment, capturing a sight that was made for him and only him.
with his face flushed bright red from both this and the alcohol, fushiguro looked gorgeous, his desperate grunts sending chills down itadori’s spine. there was so much desire and passion behind each kiss, and he couldn’t get enough. love wasn’t a foreign concept to itadori, but he didn’t know it could be so heavenly until he met fushiguro.
parting ways, itadori darted for his boyfriend’s collarbone, biting and nipping at his pale skin. he left small red marks that would easily fade, not wanting to draw attention to their relationship. but if it was up to itadori, he’d make them last longer, a simple notion that fushiguro was all his.
“yu- yuuji,” fushiguro gasped out, clinging on itadori tighter and tighter.
itadori loved just how needy fushiguro’s touch was when he was drunk. it was so desperate, full of yearning and love. there isn’t a version of fushiguro out there that itadori wouldn’t love, but he’ll always be fond of this one. he pulled back, admiring the red that colored his canvas, and fushiguro looked so beautiful with it all. god, this isn’t good for his heart.
“fuck, megumi,” itadori said breathlessly, “you’re perfect, you’re so perfect.”
crashing his lips into fushiguro’s again, itadori adored it all more than he could ever. his calloused hand slid up his shirt, feeling him jolt and squirm under his grasp. he felt around, lightly grazing his body. itadori liked to tease fushiguro, just to keep him waiting and wanting.
“yu- mmph, yuuji,” fushiguro said between kisses, his voice hot and heavy. it was low and gravely, the most seductive thing ever, and it did wonders for itadori.
“yeah?” itadori broke apart only for a second, desperate to keep fushiguro on his lips.
“i love you.”
“wha- what?” oh. that was… that was the first time either of them ever said that. taken aback, itadori parted ways, staring into fushiguro’s eyes as his heart pounded heavy in his chest. part of him couldn’t believe it, like his ears were deceiving him. he needed to hear it again, itadori needed to know that it was true and his heart wasn’t the only one yearning.
“i love you, yuuji,” fushiguro said again, his smile soft and sweet before breaking down into tears. he cracked and crumbled, and it killed him. “i love you so much, i can’t take it.”
violent and volatile, fushiguro sobbed and cried and wailed, clinging onto itadori’s shirt like he was leaving him. and in a way, he was; he will someday, sooner rather than later.
itadori didn’t know how to react, his hands hovering around fushiguro like he no longer knew where they belonged. it killed him seeing him cry, his tears spilling out faster than he can cry them. should he wipe fushiguro’s tears away? maybe comfort him and tell him that it’ll be ok? he should do something, anything, right?
but he didn’t, itadori didn’t. he kept quiet, his hands falling to his side. if he did any of that, wouldn’t it just hurt fushiguro more? if he wipes his tears away, he’ll be touching his heart and soul once more, the kind of warmth that burns and scorches. it’s a silent promise, an oath he’s meant to uphold. but he can’t do that for fushiguro, he just can’t.
if itadori were to comfort him and ease his worries, he’s doing nothing but lying to him. he can’t ensure that he’ll live when he knows he won’t. a monster is residing inside his body, the blood on his hands staining and tainting the same body itadori grew up with. he’s not who he is anymore, and he won’t be around for fushiguro to know who he is.
maybe keeping quiet wasn’t the best either, his boyfriend’s sobs echoing throughout the room. it was painful to listen to, but itadori didn’t know what to do about it. he didn’t expect their first ‘i love you’ as a couple to be so traumatic and saddening. though, he’s not sure what he was expecting. fushiguro loves someone who will never love him for as long as he will.
would it have been better if itadori never ate sukuna’s finger? should he have never saved him, never knew him, never loved him? would fushiguro be happier without having him by his side? itadori knew the answer to all of them, but he’s selfish and greedy, and in the process, he has cursed them both till the end of time and the stars no longer shine.
“i love you, yuuji,” fushiguro sobbed, and itadori didn’t know what to make of it. was he still drunk and spewing out random nonsense he wouldn’t remember when morning came? or was he sober and tired, the consequences of it all finally catching up to him? as messed up as it was, itadori hoped it was the former; but deep down, he knew it wasn’t.
fushiguro’s grip on itadori’s collar tightened. “i love you so much, and i hate it. i- i hate knowing that one day, i’m gonna wake up and you’ll be dead and i can’t do anything about it.”
his words hurt more than they should. itadori has already long accepted dying, but to leave his loved ones behind, to leave fushiguro behind? nothing in the world could prepare him for that.
“i love you, i love you too much for my own good, yuuji, i can’t do this anymore. i’m never going to love someone as much as i love you, and it’s fucking killing me.”
his words weren’t slurred or mumbled, each pronunciation and inflection firm and clear. only his cries were muffled like he was terrified of letting itadori hear the desperateness in his voice.
itadori wished he never had to hear it either. it’s guttural and raw, piercing through his once-beating heart. it’s full of the same kind of worry and pain he had when he and fuhsiguro started dating, but with how wonderful it all was, it slipped his mind for a moment. and now, it’s all coming back to him like a wave. he’s drowning, and he’s pulling fushiguro down with him.
“i don’t want you to go, yuuji, please don’t go,” fushiguro begged and pleaded, the heavy heaving of his chest sending chills down itadori’s spine. “i can’t lose you, i can’t go through that again, i love you so much, i can’t live without you, yuuji.”
itadori can't live without fushiguro too, but he also can’t live with him either.
“yuuji, please don’t go, please, i need you, i love you,” fushiguro cried out, growing quieter and hushed. his body trembled and shook, his hands still desperately clinging onto itadori like it was the only thing grounding him. his words didn’t match his actions though, and it was no longer the same abrasive, overwhelming tone he once had.
if itadori didn’t know any better, he’d guess that fushiguro was giving up; he was giving up on him, on them. he was losing hope, but itadori couldn’t keep it in his eyes.
“i love you, yuuji,” fushiguro said one last time, soft and weary, hopeless and heavy. “i love you more than i’ll ever get the chance to.”
itadori should say it back, he should reassure him and let his words comfort and console fushiguro in a way he never could. but those simple three words that rang true in itadori’s heart and soul failed to leave his mouth, choking on every syllable. he needs to say it for fushiguro, he needs to say it because he means it, he needs to say it before he runs out of time to.
“i’m sorry,” itadori said, his shaky, calloused hands of a killer no longer bearing the strength to hold fushiguro dearly anymore. “i’m sorry, megumi, i’m so sorry.”
he wants to tell him, he wants to tell fushiguro everything he feels and have it be immortalized in the stars. itadori wants to tell fushiguro he loves him because he loves him with all that he is.
but he can’t curse him more than he already has, it’d be too cruel of him. fushiguro has so much more ahead of him, he has more of everything than itadori will ever get to have. it wouldn’t be fair of him to take that life away. so itadori leaves fushiguro wondering and waiting, his selfless love consuming him till he’s nothing more than the cries that once begged to be desired.
but itadori doesn’t set him free either, he can’t, he doesn’t want to. as twisted as it all is, he can’t bear to lose fushiguro he won’t let fushiguro’s love be reciprocated, but he won’t let go of it, he wouldn’t dare to. itadori’s tying him down with no promise to fulfill, no proof of something better to come. he only has his heart, the same one that will never be able to love the same.
the only certainties their relationship will bring is death, distance, and despair, and yet, neither of them are dissuaded. itadori wishes fushiguro was though, he wishes fushiguro saw the horrors of it all and stayed far, far away. maybe if he hadn’t decided to love itadori, he could’ve died with no regrets, with no lingering feelings of what could’ve been.
drinks long forgotten, itadori’s not sure what will become of them. hell, he doesn’t even know how they’re going to handle this when morning comes. this won’t be the end of them, but what follows won’t be pretty either. it’s bloody and battered, the kind of stains that can’t be washed away, and like the selfish monster he is, itadori has tainted fushiguro till the end of time.
as ruthless as it all is, there’s one other certainty in their relationship: no matter what happens, they’ll always be together, and it’s the cruelest and the only fate love will bring them.