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“Femme-boy“ was a nickname given by Gary that stuck to Pete like a leech since his first year at Bullworth. He never understood why, out of all the nicknames under the sun, he chose “Femme-boy”.
It was stupid, nothing about Pete was feminine.
Sure, he was weak and shorter than almost everyone else, and wore a pink button up under his vest, didn’t participate in sports or any other masculine activities, but it didn’t make him feminine. Lots of people were like him.
But why did that stupid nickname bother him so much. Every time it came out of Gary’s mouth or from the bullies or jocks, it just kept repeating in his head like a broken record.
“He’ll say anything to get under my skin. It’s a dumb way of making me feel smaller than I already am.” Pete would think, as if he was convincing someone other than himself. It got annoying.
Now that Gary was away in Happy Volts, and Pete became the new Head Boy, the nickname had stopped. Or at least others had stopped calling him that.
It still repeated in his head.
"Femme-boy. Femme-boy. Ugh, shut up. Stop thinking about that. Why am I still thinking about that. Femme-boy. Jeez, nothing about me is even feminine, right? Who cares, it shouldn’t bother me anymore. Then why do you keep repeating it, Femme-Boy… Did I just call myself ‘Femme-Boy’?
It became a daily routine for him. He would wake up, get ready, and every time he had left the boys' dorm and began his journey to class, he had that same damn conversation with himself.
Eventually, it wasn’t the nickname that bothered him anymore, it was the fact he was genuinely coming to terms with the fact that he was feminine. The worst part was that, deep down, he wanted to be feminine.
” I already get picked on enough. Do I really want this to be another reason? Why can’t I just be normal.. Was this normal?”
He would stand in front of the mirror in his room for minutes before classes started just looking at himself, trying to vision what he’d look like if he gave into the idea of being feminine.
He would even hide away in the library doing some research on his new found thoughts and feeling on the library computers. It was always fairly empty, besides the Nerds hanging around but they never paid him any attention so he wasn't too worried about them leaning over his shoulder.
During his research he found that many other people had the exact same feelings as him. Feeling as if something was missing or out of place, feeling like they weren't who they thought they were. After reading through various forums, it almost felt like weight was being lifted off his shoulders.
It was a normal.
Even after reading and learning that he could possibly be trans, it still didn't cease his thoughts due to the many cons it has to coming out.
”What if I’m just making this all up. Maybe I’m just as crazy as Gary and need to be admitted into Happy Volts too. I’ve spent 15 years as a guy, why am I questioning it all of a sudden?? Maybe I don’t have it all figured out yet. I’m allowed to take my time. Is this selfish? What if my parents hate me because of this? What if I lose Jimmy as a friend. I don't know what I want anymore."
As the school year comes to an end, Pete finds himself sitting at the pier in Old Bullworth Vale, the sounds of crashing waves and gulls, quieting his mind for the first time in weeks only slightly. He was going back home for the summer which meant he could either talk to his parents about his "issue", or keep it to himself until it was forgotten.
“Hey, Pete.” A sudden voice spoke, startling him out of his thoughts. He turned to see Jimmy standing beside him, taking a seat next to him on the bench. He wondered how long he had been standing there for.
“Hey, Jimmy.” The corner of Pete’s mouth curving into one of his awkward smiles.
“You seem pretty out of it. What’s up?” Jimmy asked, draping an arm over the back of the wooden bench.
He had been standing there long enough to notice his friend deep in thought about something.
“It’s nothing.” Pete shook his head, his gaze turning back out to the waves, hands gripping the edge of the bench.
“Y’know, you’re really bad at lyin’ when it comes to sayin’ nothin’s wrong.”
Pete chuckled at that, knowing it was true. “Just.. thinking about next year and what might happen.”
“Hopefully nothin’. This year was hell enough dealin’ with all those maniacs and Gary.”
Knowing how this year went down, along with Pete’s knowledge of what happened last year, they both know something was bound to happen next year.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while, at least Jimmy was, Pete was contemplating a question he wanted to ask the other boy but didn’t know how to execute it. His heart felt heavy and racing like it would explode if he moved even an inch.
“Hey, Jimmy,” He finally spoke. He didn’t even know if Jimmy was paying attention due to his heart basically being in his ears, so he kept talking. “If I were to change something about myself, would you still be my friend?”
“Petey, if I'm gonna be honest, there’s probably nothin’ you could do to make me not be your friend.”
Pete goes quiet, taking in his response. ”Probably.” Was that good enough for him?
He hadn’t notice that he was idly picking at the wood until a hand clapped on his shoulder, making him turn to look at the redhead and stop his subtle movements.
“Whatever change you’re going through, I’ll be there to support you. Even if you end up like Hitler Jr.”
Pete snorted at that, shaking his head as he figured he was talking about Gary.
That was somewhat reassuring and nice to hear. But he could be thinking about any other changes, nothing drastic like what Pete was thinking.
But as long as Jimmy was there, maybe it wouldn’t be all bad.