Chapter Text
Summer break for Pete Kowalski had been eventful to say the least; now that he had accepted his new found self.
He came out to his parents a week into the break, telling them about all the little thoughts he’s been having since the 9th grade and how they’ve gradually gotten bigger and less easy to ignore.
Both of his parents are very loving and understanding people and have always shown support when it came to their child, so talking to them was a lot easier than Pete had anticipated.
He honestly expected his parents to call him crazy and shut the whole thing down since he had no idea where their views on the LGBT+ community stand, but they showed no signs of rejection. They didn’t really get it, which meant they’d have to do some research on the matter like Pete did before, but they agreed that they would do their best to understand and provide support.
It took a while for them learn more about the entire thing, but they eventually got it and even found a good gender-affirming consoler that he could see.
The first few minutes within the meeting were nerve-racking.
So many questions about who he was, what he wanted, and how he felt. Each question felt like it was peeling back a layer he hadn’t even realized was there. It was overwhelming, but at the same time, a strange relief.
He was told about HRT and how most male to female people who wanted to be more feminine use it to reduce the testosterone levels in their bodies and add in more estrogen, helping to align the person’s body with how they feel inside.
Pete never knew that there were ways a person could change their appearance other than surgery. It was very tempting, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to take that big of a step yet.
The doctor suggested that he should start off with something and try other forms of self-expression that makes him more comfortable such as clothing, hair changes, or even makeup. And once he felt good about it all, then they could discuss about medical options.
During the second month of summer, Pete had spent his time experimenting with the ways he could express himself more in a more feminine way. He started with a name change and pronouns.
His mother suggested ‘Eleanor’ for a new name since it was the name she picked if she ended up having a girl.
Eleanor liked that name. She couldn’t explain why, but it just resonated with her.
As fun as it all was—spending long summer days with her mom and navigating the lifestyle of a girl, trying different clothes, using subtle makeup, and even being able to start HRT during the first few days of August—Eleanor had to go back to school.
The start of the school year was getting closer and closer with the heavy, burning weight of anxiety making itself at home in the bottom of Eleanor’s stomach.
She even asked—begged her parents to let her be homeschooled, but it was never up to debate, especially since she only had one year left of high school now.
Might as well just get it over with instead of going through a whole process of getting transferred to a homeschooling program.
This meant Eleanor had to enter Bullworth as someone different. Not only that, but she knew she might have to correct people when it came to her name and labels.
Maybe it would all be that bad, considering that she didn’t have much of a reputation there and people barley knew her name or who she was anyways.
Her and her parents talked to Dr. Crabblesnitch a week prior to the start of the school year about the changes.
Even though he wouldn’t, couldn’t, and shouldn’t admit to it, Eleanor could tell he wasn’t fond of the changes. Yet he had no choice but to oblige.
He would lose money if he did. That’s all he cared about.
With these new changes, Eleanor still resided in the boy dormitory. It wasn’t up to her, Crabblesnitch made that decision.
She couldn’t really be upset with that though, thinking that she wasn’t where she wanted to be in terms of looks, it was the safer choice.
She didn’t want to risk making the girls uncomfortable and would instead have to deal with whatever insults or harassments the boys would do to her.
She dealt with it before, so what would be the difference?
At least Gary wouldn’t be there. He’d just make her life a living hell.
She had been visiting him occasionally in Happy Volts over break— before she started using estrogen, so he had no idea about anything.
She never told him anything.
Why would she visit Gary anyways? The one mentally insane person who turned the entire school into a battlefield and against Jimmy just to fuel his narcissistic personality and own twisted desire for total control?
Because Eleanor was a compassionate person.
And—sad to admit it—but he was also the first friend she made when she came to Bullworth.
Whenever she did visit, he would be on an array of medication which made him oddly calm.
Still an asshole, but calm.
He never seemed to mind the company either; if Eleanor was correct, he looked as if he actually enjoyed it.
Junior year.
It wasn’t an exciting year. It was just like being a sophomore but with the slight stress of senior year approaching; worrying about college applications, the cost of higher education, managing a heavy course load, balancing extracurricular activities, navigating life after graduation, and maintaining a healthy social life all while juggling these responsibilities as a senior.
At least that’s what Eleanor was worried about. She had no idea where she wanted to go to college but she knew she wanted to major in some kind of art field.
Stepping through the gates of Bullworth, students—specifically newcomers—were already getting wedgies, shoved and thrown into trash bins.
What an amazing welcoming committee.
Eleanor realized that the overthinking and panic she done was unnecessary and didn’t have much to worry about. She started estrogen 3 weeks ago; not much has changed physically.
She still looked the same as before besides her hair being a bit longer and mascara applied to her lashes to make them look longer. It was the only makeup cosmetic she liked wearing since it was easy to use.
No drastic appearance changes were made, unless you counted the brackets and wires that were glued to her teeth. Just another thing to add to the list of teasing material.
Once Eleanor got to the dorms, she immediately went to the same room she stayed in last year. It was a permanent thing; once you’ve been enrolled into Bullworth, you’re assigned a room that you’ll be stuck with until graduation.
Some of the rooms were singles, and some were doubles, and Eleanor had the fortune of getting a room that required a roommate—that roommate being Gary. But now that he was gone, she pretty much had the room all to herself. That was unless Crabblesnitch moves one of the new students in here.
With no time wasted, Eleanor started putting away all of the necessities she packed for the next 9 months away in the wardrobe cabinet that was on her side of the room.
As she did, she thought about how she would break the news to Jimmy about her transition. She did tell him on the last day of school that if she were to change suddenly, would he still be her friend. He of course said he would, but the girl didn’t exactly tell him what said change was going to be.
She had to be cautious about it. She didn’t want to lose her only friend here because of it.
The unexpected screeching of the PA system startled Eleanor, making her freeze in place from what had been said.
“Would Pete—erm—…” Miss Danvers called through the speakers, clearing her throat before correcting herself.“—Eleanor Kowalski, please report to the Dr. Crabblesnitch’s office. Immediately.”
What. The fuck.
Did Eleanor just get outed to the entire school?
No. No way, right? There was no way.
Oh, who was she kidding. She definitely did.
Did she want people to know? Yes, eventually. Not like this!
She wanted to come out in her own way, at her own time, not over the damn PA system for the whole school to fucking hear.
Did Ms. Danvers even stop to think about what she was going to say before calling for her?
Why did Crabblesnitch even need her in his office? Eleanor didn’t care, she only cared about making it there without vomiting everywhere.
The journey to the office felt longer than it usually did, almost like with every step Eleanor took, the farther the destination got.
Anxiety burned inside her, head kept straight and fingers instinctively wrapping around the ends of her sweater sleeves, as she tried her damn hardest to ignore all the piercing eyes watching her every move.
There’s so many people inside the main building. Too many.
Unbeknownst her, nobody was paying any attention to Eleanor. It was all in her head.
Once in the office, she took a few deep breaths as her body relaxed itself.
Miss Danvers sat behind her desk doing whatever she normally did, looking up once she noticed the student had walked in.
“Ah, good, you’re finally here. Took you long enough,” she muttered, still loud enough for Eleanor to hear, “Dr. Crabblesnitch has been waiting for you in his office, Kowalski.” The older lady stood from her chair, walking over to open the door for her.
Her comment made the girl wonder how long it actually took her to get here since she was called for. Better yet, now that she was calm enough to think properly, what could Crabblesnitch possibly want to talk to her about?
Eleanor entered the room—only to immediately stop in the doorway. Hazel eyes landing on a familiar boy who was sitting in one of the chairs, dark irises eyeing her back.
“Kowalski, about time!” The old man exclaimed, snapping her attention away from the brunette, “Take a seat, child.”
Eleanor caught right away on how both Danvers and Crabblesnitch avoided using her first name and preferred labels, but in all honesty, she expected it.
What she didn’t expect was Gary fucking Smith to be here of all places.
Closing her mouth that was agape in shock into a thin line, she made her way to the other chair, Gary’s eyes following her.
“I’m sure you remember Gary Smith,” Dr. Crabblesnitch started, elbows placed on the desk with his hands folded, ”And I’m sure you’re wondering why he’s back after everything he’s done.”
Eleanor nodded, not able to feel comfortable at all. It wasn’t even the fact that Gary was back—no, it was the fact Gary pretty much knows she’s changed now.
Gary had called Eleanor homophobic names before. God knows what he’ll call her now.
“He’s been released out of Happy Volts early for good behavior. I had a conversation with his father about giving him a second chance, and seeing how Bullworth is a school that can reform the troubled youth…”
That gaze towards Eleanor did not go unnoticed by either of the teenagers; Gary’s scarred eyebrow arched in amusement.
It was starting to get to a point where it took a lot out of Eleanor for her to not roll her eyes.
“We came to an agreement to have Gary continue his education here, turning him into the man he needs to be.” Crabblesnitch finished.
“That’s… great, but,” Eleanor’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion—It wasn’t great the Gary was back at all, “what does this have to do with me, exactly?”
”As our head bo—ahem—student… Gary will be under your supervision up until the end of the school year.” Dr. Crabblesnitch explained.
“…You’re kidding.”
“I can assure you that I am not. See this as a way we can test your leadership and responsibility skills.”
“By babysitting him? There are so many other ways I can—“
“This is not up for debate, Kowalski,” Dr. Crabblesnitch raises his hand to cut her off, making her sulk back into her seat.
Gary also hated this arrangement. He had already been her roommate last year, but basically being under surveillance by her? That was just annoying.
It’s not like he planned on doing anything. Anything that could get him sent back, anyways.
“Gary will reside as your roommate. You are to make sure he stays out of trouble and that he takes his medication day and night; 9am and 9pm.” The man continued.
Might as well handcuff the two of them together. Being stuck with Gary basically 24/7 for the next—what, 9 months?—just sounded like hell.
“Smith, I expect you to behavior as you did back in Happy Volts. I would hate to have you get sent back.” Dr. Crabblesnitch finishes, standing up from his desk, Gary following suit with his bag in hand.
“Trust me, Dr. Crabblesnitch, I have learned my lesson and paid my dues during my time there,” the boy feigning innocence, “I promise you I’ll be on my best behavior, especially now with help from—Eleanor, was it?” His eyes narrowing towards her as she lingered behind, the corner of his mouth twisting into a smirk.
This day just keeps getting better.
The trip back to the dorms wasn’t as bad as it was to the office since all the attention was now directed toward Gary— not like the attention was on Eleanor to begin with. She trailed behind him with her eyes glued to the ground as she walked, chewing on her nail anxiously.
“What is he doing back?”
“I heard they gave him shock therapy.”
“I thought he went to prison.”
“He’s not going to last long.”
“They’re really allowing a sociopath back here?”
None of those conversations were discreet at all. It was like they wanted him to know they were talking about him. Gary didn’t care; in fact, he was loving the attention.
The two of them made it to their shared room, Eleanor finally lifting her head to look at the taller teen. He looked the same as he did when she last saw him; hair having slightly grown out since he didn’t get haircuts in the hospital, and dark circles under his eyes due to lack of sleep.
She closed the door gently once both of them were inside, Gary dropping his bag onto the bed on his side of the room. He moved over to the window, looking out at nothing specifically; silence filling the room.
It got uncomfortably awkward for Eleanor who was now sitting on her own bed. She wanted to say something—anything to him, but what could she possibly say?
“Head boy, huh?” Gary beat her to it, arms folded against his chest while he turned back to look at her, “What a joke, or—is it girl, now.” His dark eyes looked her up and down.
“Y-yeah, well—“ Hazel eyes darted across the room.
“I mean seriously, Petey, I knew you were desperate for attention but this is a whole new low. Even for you.”
“No, you got it all wrong—“ She pushed herself up off the bed, taking cautious steps toward him.
“And people think I’m the crazy one? I mean, c’mon. 'Eleanor'? Couldn’t you’ve at least pick a better name if you’re gonna play make believe.”
This guy was making it impossible for Eleanor to explain herself at all; if that wasn’t enough to make her upset, then him not knowing shit sure did.
“If you let me—”
"Y'know, maybe Bullworth is the perfect school for you. Maybe this dump could ”reform troubled youth”." Gary mocked Crabblesnitch from earlier, putting up air quotes.
He began to step closer to her as he continued to speak in the same condescending tone he was most known for.
"Head girl. Please," he scoffed, expression darkening once he found a conclusion, "I bet you think you're better than me now, huh?"
"What?—No, I never—" Eleanor stepped back with every step he took forward, hands raised in defense.
"Sweet, little, femme boy think's he's hot shit now because he got a fancy new title that was supposed to be mine if it wasn't for that pug-faced moron." He spat, grabbing a fistful of Eleanor's shirt and pulling her forward; knuckles digging into her chest. "You can put on all dresses and makeup in the world if that’s what helps fuel your delusions—but deep down, you'll always be a cowardly little freak, Peter."
He shoved her harshly against the wooden door once he released her. It felt like she forgot how to breathe the entire time the way her breathing picked up rapidly.
She stood there with her hand rubbing where his fist had dug into her, watching Gary unpack his bag unfazed as if nothing had happened within the last five minutes.
As much as it hurt to admit—he was right.
She was a freak before, and she's a freak now.
Trembling fingers finding its way and wrapping around the doorknob, she left the room without another word—slamming it shut out of anger.
She couldn’t pinpoint what emotion she was feeling currently, but she knew she needed to get out of this building and get some fresh air before she didn’t something regrettable.
She quickly made her way down the hall and out the door, hands going through her hair and down her face in frustration.
Had she’d been paying attention to her surroundings, she wouldn’t have bumped into someone.
She gave a half-ass apology, being in a rush to leave and all, not even glancing at who she ran into.
“Petey?” A familiar voice called; Eleanor stopping in her tracks. She whipped around, the sight of her friend making her expression soften.
"Jimmy. Hey.”
" Hey…” The redhead trailed off, stepping closer with his hands placed on his hips. He was just staring at her, eyebrows knitted together while brown eyes squinted and scanned her face.
Eleanor avoided eye contact, swallowing thickly before she spoke, “L-listen, we need to talk.”
“Damn right, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Why did Ms. Danvers call you ’Eleanor'?” He sounded confused and a bit frustrated.
"That’s not what I want to talk about, right now. I’ll explain it all later. Can we just… get out of here first?” She gestured towards the gates.
Whatever was up, Jimmy could tell that she needed to away from something.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he gave a short nod and began heading out to town.
Eleanor let out a deep breath, catching up to walk beside him.
"WHAT?!" Jimmy shouted, causing the townies nearby to give them weird looks.
Eleanor brought Jimmy out to the pier in Old Bullworth Vale—mainly to clear her head—but to also talk about Gary’s return.
A strange wave of Deja vu hit her while the both of them sat in her usual spot.
"How and why is that nutcase back? Does Crabblesnitch not remember the shit he did last year?” Jimmy questioned, his eyebrows furrowed together as he leaned forward; elbows resting on his knees.
Eleanor shrugged, her fingers gently tugging and twirling the dark curls at the back of her head. "He said something about Gary being released due to good behavior and since Bullworth is a place to 'fix' troubled kids, he's giving him a second chance."
“‘Good behavior’ my ass," the boy scoffed, leaning back and draping his arm across the back of the bench, “If Gary could manipulate the old man into thinking he was some kind of saint, he definitely did the same to the orderlies just to get out."
“Maybe it’s all some kind of publicity stunt? All Crabblesnitch ever cared about anyways was maintaining the school’s rep. It’s just one big act for more money.” Eleanor assumed; Jimmy nodding in agreement.
There definitely was some logic there. Who else in their right mind would want someone who was obviously unstable
back in their school?
"And the best part is that I get the opportunity to be his supervisor for the next 9 and a half months." The girl let out an annoyed huff, dropping her hand from her hair and into her lap.
“What? That’s bullshit! Why do you have to babysit him?” He looked at her, noticing the faint anger in her expression.
“To test my leadership and responsibility as the new head girl, I guess.” She looked off at the ocean, her hands now moving to grip the edge of the bench.
...
“Head— what?" Jimmy squinted.
Eleanor goes quiet, her expression noticeably shifting from irritation to unease. There was no backing out now.
Jimmy tilts his head so he could get a better look at her; Eleanor turns her head slightly to meet his gaze.
He had already noticed the small changes; longer hair, longer eyelashes and a pink hair clip holding some of her curls back. And of course the obvious name mishap over the PA system earlier.
“Wanna explain what this is all about now?” The redhead vaguely gestured to her.
Her hands gripped the edge of the bench, the rough wood digging into her palms. She takes a deep breath to push down the feeling of anxiety rising in her chest before speaking.
“I’m a… girl, Jimmy.”
He blinks at her, lips parted like he was going to say something; nothing comes out.
He just stares at her—at the person he’s always known as Pete Kowalski, the quiet, shy kid, now looking… different.
“Since when?” He didn’t sound angry. Confused. Maybe frustrated.
“Since… forever?” Eleanor averted her gaze from him with a shrug.
"So what, you just up and decided over summer that you’re a girl now?—"
“I didn’t ‘just decide’ anything!” Eleanor snapped, heat rising to her face. “This isn’t some random thing I came up with over the span of 3 months. It’s not like I woke up one day and went, ‘Hey, you know what would be fun? Making my life ten times harder for no reason.’"
Jimmy, taken aback slightly by her sudden outburst, raised his hands in defense. It was rare that she ever shouted at anyone, especially him.
Even she was surprised by that.
“Sorry…” She sheepishly apologized, her voice a quiet murmur. “I-.. You just don’t get it.”
“Yeah, I clearly don’t.” Jimmy sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He glanced toward the ocean.
The waves crashed against the shore, the distant calls of seagulls filling the silence that fell between them. The warmth of the day still lingered in the air, mixing with the cool ocean breeze.
“But… I want to.”
His voice was hesitant, but honest.
Eleanor stared at him, eyes wide, the tension in her hands finally easing.
“You do?” she asked, quieter than she meant to; a glimmer of hope in her hazel eyes.
Jimmy sighed, finally meeting her gaze. A small, lopsided smile tugged at his lips. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t get any of… this.” He gestured toward her once more. “At all. But I want to try, okay? You’re my friend. Always.”
Eleanor’s gaze softened as she processed his words. She couldn’t help but feel a tiny spark of relief—something in her chest that had been tight and heavy now eased. She hadn’t expect him to understand, but she was happy that he would at least try.
“Just don’t treat me any differently. I’m still the same person you’ve known. I haven’t changed who I am, just how I express it.”
“Yeah. Still the same dork.” The boy’s smile forms into a smirk earning a snort and playful punch to the arm from her.
The two teens decided to linger around town for a while longer since Eleanor still wanted the time to clear her mind before encountering Gary again.
They hung around the pier for a while longer to catch up with one another and what they did over the summer.
Jimmy’s vacation wasn’t all uneventful; he spent the time with Zoe and picking up guitar—he promised to show Eleanor one day.
He also talked about his mom and stepdad; how they’ve always been on his ass about anything and everything, making him not be home at much and instead staying at the beach house the Preps so kindly offered him.
Eleanor had told him about the things she’d done herself over the summer and her entire—mental and physical— process. It all lead up to Jimmy asking ridiculous questions.
“How come you aren’t staying in the girls dorm?”
“Are you gonna have to start wearing bras? Are you wearing one right now? You can tell me if you are.”
“What happens if you change your mind? Do you just… switch back? Is there a reset button?"
“Does this mean I’m legally required to punch anyone who calls you ‘Pete’ now? ‘Cause I’ll do it, just say the word.”
"Do you still pee standing up, or…?"
Could you really blame him? He was only curious.
Before heading back to campus, they stopped for burgers because neither of them wanted to eat Edna’s “Welcome Back to School Surprise”.
“How did Gary react to all of this?” Jimmy asked, throwing the empty plastic cup into a nearby trash can; Eleanor doing the same.
She folded her arms and shrugged. Spending some time with Jimmy nearly made her forget about Gary and the interaction from earlier. “He didn’t let me explain myself— Thinks I’m doing it for attention. Y’know how he can be.”
“Want me to knock some sense into him?” The redhead offered, cracking his knuckles. “Because I will.”
Eleanor chuckled, shaking her head at his eagerness to beat said boy again. “Thanks, but I’d rather deal with him myself. It won’t be easy though, that’s for sure." She exhaled.
“Damn right. He’s a stubborn narcissist.” Jimmy draped his arm over her shoulder as they walked, footsteps in sync. "If he tries to pull some shit just let me know and I'll send his ass right back to Happy Volts."
Her lips curled into a crooked, tight lipped smile; leaning into Jimmy as her arm moved to wrap around his waist in return.
Dealing with Gary was going to be a challenge, luckily Jimmy would be there to back her up if things got out of hand.
Back at Bullworth, Jimmy and Eleanor had removed their arms from around each other so no one would get the wrong idea about them. It was embarrassing enough for people to assume Eleanor was gay.
…Was she gay? or did transitioning make her straight?…
Great, another thing to overthink about.
The boy leaned down until he was eye level with her, his hands clasped against her shoulders.
“Listen, if anyone—and I mean anyone—gives you any shit, I’ll kick their ass.”
Eleanor snorted and rolled her hazel eyes, knowing full well that he was deadass. She appreciated it though.
“Thanks, Jimmy.”
And with one last pat on the shoulder, they went separate ways to their rooms.
Opening the door—after several deep breaths to prepare herself for whatever was to come—she spotted Gary laying back on his bed; butterfly knife in one hand and his arm folded under his head.
He never used the knife for anything other than fidgeting—which he only did when he was thinking.
He didn’t look glance towards Eleanor after she entered the room, dark eyes glued to the ceiling, but he acknowledged her presence.
“Some head boy you are. Leaving me unsupervised for—“ he took a quick glance at his watch, “—two hours. Really irresponsible of you, Petey,” There’s that condescending tone again. “Were you out with your boyfriend, James?”
Eleanor exhaled heavy, sitting on her bed with her back facing Gary. She felt more confident speaking without having to look at him.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” she corrected, “and my name is ’Eleanor’, now.”
The quiet clicking of the knife stopped, and so did her heart. She felt his eyes burning through her—but she kept her composure.
“I’m a girl now, Gary—and no it’s not some attention seeking joke—it’s who I am. And unless you want to get sent back to Happy Volts for the rest of your life, then I suggest you start being a little nicer to me.”
Silence.
Hesitantly, Eleanor looked over her shoulder at Gary, who was just staring.
His expression was unreadable. It was almost unsettling.
He snapped his knife shut, making Eleanor flinch at the sudden motion, before shoving it under his pillow and turning to face the wall.
“Whatever, Petey.”
Eleanor‘s tense shoulders relaxed.
Was that really it?
Yeah, he did deadname her even though she made it clear that wasn’t her name anymore— but that was it.
No argument, a punch to the face, or even a kick in the groin. Just a dismissive whatever.
Was this progress or was Gary holding out for later.