Chapter Text
They were four and five when they first met.
“I saw a man in my house last night,” Mark says to Cesar within 30 seconds of meeting each other.
“Like, your dad?” Cesar asks.
“No, he wasn’t my dad.”
“Do you have a brother?”
“No, it wasn't my family.”
“Oh, who was it then?”
“I don't know.”
“Oh.”
There's a lull in the conversation.
“Do you want to come to my house after school?” Cesar changes the subject.
“I have to ask my mom,” Mark responds. He's excited though. He hasn't been to someone else's house before and Cesar seems pretty cool.
Thankfully, Mark's mother agrees on this playdate. His mom and Cesar's mom exchange pleasantries and contact information. Then the two of them go to Cesar's house.
That day, Mark had fun and he's pretty sure Cesar did too if the screaming and laughing meant anything. But that day, at Cesar's, Mark also felt an inexplicable eerie feeling. It tugged at the back of his mind until he stepped out of the house and it felt like something was lifted off his shoulders.
The second time he went to visit, the same thing happened. It confirmed his suspicions. He's afraid of Cesar's house. Mark only admits this to him years and years later.
-
“I have a little sister now,” Mark says from underneath Cesar's bed.
“Woah, really? Can I see her?” Cesar says from beside him.
“No, my parents say she's too little right now.”
“Aw man.” Cesar slumps onto the ground in disappointment. “Then can I see her later?”
“Yeah I think so.”
Mark fidgets with the toy in his hand and Cesar tugs at his sleeves.
“Why are we under my bed anyway?” Cesar complains.
I'm scared. “It's comfortable,” Mark says.
“No it isn't.”
“You didn't have to follow me down here.”
Cesar makes a bit of a disgruntled expression since he didn't seem to have a good rebuttal to that.
“Well at least I can do this.” Cesar shoves a cushion in Mark's face who yelps in surprise.
They roughhouse for five minutes before deciding to stop when Mark hits his head on the bedframe.
-
“This is the Bible,” Mark deadpans as he watches Cesar flip through the pages in horror.
“But the words are so tiny and it's so long,” Cesar whispers. “Isn't it boring?”
“I can teach you a few stories.”
Cesar's head whips towards Mark in alarm. “No, it's boring.”
Mark pauses. He can't refute that. “Then come to church with me.”
“Am I allowed to?”
Mark raises his eyebrows. “Of course, we're always happy to have new people.”
“Oh,” Cesar subtly smirks, “Of course, of course.”
He feels a bit annoyed at the way Cesar responded but makes sure he keeps his promise. Later at church, Cesar says it’s also boring. Mark doesn’t let him come back with him even after begging and pleading.
-
There's a tense energy in the air as Mark watches Sarah and Cesar have a staring contest while he's introducing them to each other. Sarah is hiding behind Mark and only peeking out to look at Cesar.
“This is Sarah, you wanted to meet her for a while, right?” Mark says a little nervously.
Sarah blows a raspberry at Cesar. Cesar blinks, looking slightly offended.
“Why did you do that?” Cesar asks.
Sarah just giggles and hides herself behind Mark.
“Sarah…” Mark turns to look at her disapprovingly. “You can't keep doing this.”
Sarah ignores him in favor of making eye contact with Cesar from behind his shoulder again. Mark turns to look at him just in time to see him blow a raspberry back at her.
Before he can comment on how childish both of them are being, Sarah gasps in rage and runs towards Cesar who bolts while cackling.
Mark watches them play an intense game of tag as he wonders why his best friend and little sister already have beef.
-
In the distance, Cesar is standing and talking to a group of people sitting at a lunch table. Mark watches this interaction closely. Cesar is standing. The rest of them are sitting. It seems they want him to join them.
Mark and Cesar have always spent their free time together ever since they became friends at a young age. People have whispered about them, Mark isn't deaf, he can hear them and what they say. The fact that the two of them are always seen together doesn't quell the curiosity. Mark doesn't care. He's unsure about Cesar though.
Mark stands idly by the bulletin board, pretending to check out the club posters and not waiting impatiently for Cesar to come to him. He keeps glancing Cesar's way though, and sometimes he catches Cesar looking back at him.
The watch on his hand shows him that 10 minutes have passed. Lunch is only 30 minutes. Maybe he should give up and go on a walk or something. Mark makes his way towards the front entrance.
Even from a distance Cesar visibly panics, immediately tries to play it cool, makes up a probably half-assed excuse to leave and speedwalks towards Mark.
Mark pretends not to notice, having his head turned away so Cesar can't see his smile as he approaches. It always works.
There's a hand on Mark's shoulder, its grip a bit tighter than necessary but Mark turns around to see Cesar who's slightly out of breath.
“Mark.”
“Oh, hey.”
“Did you eat yet?”
“Nope, you?”
“No.”
They stare at each other for a few moments.
“Do you wanna go to the corner store and buy random shit again?” Mark asks.
Cesar smirks. “Hell yeah.”
Mark glances at the group talking to Cesar earlier as the two of them rush out the building. They're looking at Mark with a bit of disdain but he doesn't care. He only cares about the fact that he's shown them that Cesar chooses him over anyone else.
-
Mark is the one who always says they shouldn't make a habit out of skipping but they still do it very occasionally. Usually after a lot of persuading from Cesar.
So it's no surprise when Cesar's first reaction to Mark suggesting that they skip was to ask if Mark was feeling alright.
“This is the only time I'll ever ask for this so say yes before I change my m-”
Cesar is already dragging Mark away by the collar. Mark is a bit perturbed but lets Cesar haul him to their usual hiding spot they go to when they skip.
It's a small place they came across behind a few large evergreen trees planted in front of a tall walled off fence. It's surprisingly hollow inside the trees. It's a pretty neat place if they ignore the fact that they found it because Cesar fell into it after tripping on nothing.
Mark finds himself lost in thought for most of the time they're in there today which bores Cesar out of his mind. After having Mark be mostly unresponsive when he tried to converse with him, Cesar resorted to trying to build a type of structure with whatever sticks he could find.
“Y’know,” Mark suddenly says and Cesar's stick fort falls apart in front of their eyes, “I'm glad you decide to waste your time here with me and not anyone else.”
It seemed like Cesar wanted to whine to Mark about his fallen masterpiece but forgets about it when he processes what Mark is saying.
“Like, it feels good that you only do this with me and that I'm stealing any potential time you could be spending with someone else.”
Cesar's expression is hard to read from his squatted position on the ground. It's a bit eerie since it's been a long time since they couldn't read each other like open books. But Mark keeps going. It feels like he can't stop now that he started.
“It feels great, actually, when you choose me and when you leave someone else for me. It feels like y-”
Cesar is suddenly in front of him. His hand is over Mark's mouth, pressed too gently to do anything but Mark cuts himself off anyway.
“Wait, stop talking,” Cesar murmurs.
Mark blinks. He's incredibly close.
The two of them look at each other for a while. Cesar's hand is still covering Mark's mouth and gazing right into his eyes as if scrutinizing or searching for something.
Mark is starting to fold under the attention, he wants to look away in embarrassment but is transfixed by Cesar's eyes that are looking at him so intently. His expression is still unreadable but it's noticeably softer.
It doesn't take long for Mark to start fidgeting, he can hear his heartbeat in his ears. He wants to squirm but also doesn't want to push Cesar away. Cesar smiles. His hand pulls away but so does he and Mark is left standing there in confusion.
Mark notices he's lightheaded and tries not to gulp for air as if he's been holding his breath this entire time. He doesn't even know if he was. His face feels warm and he suppresses the urge to bring his hands up to feel it.
Instead he opts to look at Cesar who's still smiling, maybe even smirking a little bit now. He seems content or even satisfied, as if he found whatever he was searching for in Mark's eyes.
-
“You're a coward,” is the first thing Sarah says to Mark as she steps into his room.
Mark, sitting at his desk, turns around to look at Sarah with his eyebrows raised.
“What are you on about now.”
“You're seriously going to do nothing?” Sarah glances down the hallway, probably towards the bathroom that Cesar is in at the moment.
Mark is speechless for a moment. Then he tries to feign ignorance. “What do you mean? What would I do?”
Sarah's eye twitches. “This is your last chance,” she hisses, not wanting Cesar to hear too much of the conversation, “He's going to prom, tonight. In the bathroom changing into his stupid suit.”
“So what?” Mark asks, ignoring the sinking feeling in his chest.
“So wh-” Sarah cuts herself off and brings her hand to her forehead. “So ask him to bring you. You may be a year younger but if you go as his plus one-”
“I can't ask him, he needs to ask me. But he hasn't so I'm assuming he doesn't want me to go.”
They both know that there is another reason why both Mark and Cesar have not made a move yet. What would happen if Mark, another boy, shows up as Cesar's plus one?
“Yeah I guess that's how it normally works but you two have always been quite strange,” Sarah mutters.
Mark ignores the last part.
“I mean aren't you the one who says things out of left field sometimes?” Sarah continues, “Where's that confidence now?”
“I don't feel like acting crazy today,” Mark says, tired. It's true. He's spent the last few days in mental turmoil and now he can't bring himself to impulsively spew what's on his mind.
“You're always crazy.”
Mark suddenly feels helpless. “Can we not have this conversation when he's in the house with us?”
“Listen,” Sarah looks at Mark much more seriously this time. “Are you going to take this to your grave? He's graduating soon and you have one more year left to go. You won't get another chance like this. Don't tell me you really plan to keep this to yourself for your entire life?”
Honestly? Mark doesn't know. There are moments where he really feels like he wants to go for it but…
Mark seems to be taking too long because Sarah taps her foot a few times before sighing in exasperation.
“Fine. If you're not telling him, then I will,” she turns around to leave.
“Wait-” Mark gets up from his chair.
“Tell who what?” Cesar suddenly appears in the doorway.
Mark takes one look at him and he trips on the leg of his chair and hits the ground loudly. Cesar yells something and Sarah shrieks.
Mark stays on the ground, mentally preparing himself to look at Cesar in a suit again. Cesar fusses over him until he realizes Mark is okay and just being dramatic.
“Hey, I get it, I'm just drop dead gorgeous,” Cesar strikes a little pose as Mark curls into a ball.
Sarah walks out of the room with a face of disgust that only a sister can pull off after seeing her brother act lovey dovey with his partner.
Mark pulls himself up as if he had just collapsed after running a marathon.
“Yeah,” he says, “I'm sure you'll get a lot of attention wearing this.” Mark makes sure his eyes only wander down a normal amount. However much that may be.
“Hah, even from the guys?” Cesar asks jokingly and if Mark is crazy enough, maybe even a bit tentatively.
“You'll be able to pull it off,” Mark responds with the same joking tone.
Cesar laughs. It's strained.
“Well I think I should go now,” Cesar stands up from where he was crouched next to Mark. “Don't wanna be late.”
“Yeah,” Mark stands up as well. “You can't miss this.”
“Uh huh.”
“Mhm… Oh I'll, uh, walk you to the door.”
“Oh thanks.”
They pass Sarah on the way to the front door and she looks at Mark murderously. He ignores her.
They reach the front door and Mark opens it for Cesar.
“Well um, have fun, Cesar,” Mark says.
“Yeah, I will, thanks for letting me come over.”
“Yeah, anytime.”
Cesar lingers for a moment. Mark doesn't say anything.
“Bye.”
“Seeya.”
Mark watches Cesar walk into his car and pull out of the driveway. Then he closes the door and turns around to face Sarah, looking at him with her arms crossed. She's much less explosive than how Mark imagined she'd be.
“I've never seen you two act like that. Ever.” Sarah says. “It was so painful and awkward to watch that I forgot to be angry.”
Mark stares at her.
“But you let him go. I'm still frustrated at that. Drive me back to mom and dad's. I don't want to be in your presence right now.”
Mark sighs and goes to grab his car keys.
He let him go. Mark let Cesar go.
Very soon, he'll come to regret this decision. In more ways than one.
-
Three days. Three days ago, Cesar left Mark's house to go to prom. Three days ago, Cesar called Mark at an ungodly hour during the night to ask him to turn on his house's cameras. Three days ago, Mark drove to Cesar's house to turn on his cameras because he has never been able to say no to Cesar.
Even when he knew something was off.
Now, Mark has a gun in his hand. His door is open. And Cesar–no, the alternate-is standing in front of him. Still wearing that stupid suit.
It's a standoff. Both of them are looking at each other, both unmoving. Mark wants to scoff. He should be grateful that this alternate looks… normal. Like a normal human. Like Cesar. But more than anything, he wishes those imperfections were there so he could stop getting so distracted. A guilt gnaws at him, now he can look Cesar up and down all he wants because this isn't Cesar. But it looks like him. His hand clenches around the gun.
Mark's mind is jumbled right now. Those three days spent in his room are getting to him. He should be afraid. He should be terrified. He should be fighting for his life.
“You're beautiful.” Mark revels.
The alternate tilts its head, probably confused. Mark follows this movement. Then it laughs and the moment shatters. It's not laughing in Cesar's voice.
“At least be happy that he will be the last thing you see before you die.”
Mark glances down at his gun.
“You're right,” Mark says, “At least I have that.”
But he closes his eyes before he shoots anyway.