Chapter Text
Table in the corner, pencil scratching on paper, Xiao listened to the lecture. The buds in his ears filtered out most of the cafe’s background noise, yet he still found difficulty in focusing on the words. The usual comfort of classes could not ease the fraying of nerves, the layers of what he wanted to do an unsteady house of cards. Settled on instead showing his salvation the fruits of his labor, before ruining this lovingly curated bond. To lose the platonic affection he gained terrified him, but the silence was gnawing him from the inside out. The way Xiao's heart stuttered every time the angel stopped by to check on him, Xiao wondered if that confession could ever actually leave his lips. Just trying to invite his crush to his first major concert carried a fear he would start smelling burnt toast from the strain it put on his heart.
Gliding across the café floor, smile carefree and friendly, was the source of Xiao's emotional turbulence. A source that even when he was on the clock and in ‘work mode,’ was still just as endearing but in a different way. His name was Venti, he was taking the order of a regular, and Xiao still grappled with the surreal reality of falling in love with him. When forced to describe his, 'ideal type,' few of the words to describe Venti overlapped with the labels Xiao had given. Far too often Xiao would get comments inquiring why, “someone uptight as you,” frequented a maid café. Xiao didn't understand why people asked when they already assumed. The truth was more complex than the answers people would invent, eyes glazing when the answer was more than simple words. Demanded to know the flowers' roots without ever daring to dig into the soil to explore them.
Strange as it sounded, Xiao hadn't even recognized how cute Venti looked in the uniform until after aforementioned maid had puked on him. Not that he shared that detail - explaining it took too long. In those first months of their meeting, he only saw the other's attire for what it was: a uniform. Outside of work, Venti didn't walk around in a green dress that had golden designs laced on the edges, with a white apron with matching designs. There was no lace headbands of green and chocolate brown, frills lining it with a cecilia flower on one side. Yes, he did wear corsets and thigh highs but the ones for casual wear were distinct from what he used on the clock. Venti took on a specific persona for work, one that was deliberately cute, in a ditzy yet playful way. But away from his clients he was… So much more. Gentle, wise, a bit mischievous but never in a cruel way. Still cute, but it was more subtle maturity that belied a face with such pudgy cheeks. The sort that got carded every time he went to buy a drink.
Venti was a maid in a maid cafe, but Xiao found him to be so much more than that. As for himself? Xiao was a student acting at being a musician in college, and still wasn't sure how to break to his father that he changed majors. Starting all over again, how could Xiao call himself anything but a student? Setting the pencil down, he picked his phone up and paused the lecture. Switched it to his comfort playlist, and closed his eyes. Let the familiar strings ease him out of the growing panic, and back to the foggy patches of memory.
Because try as he might, he couldn't recall the night that he and a Venti met. Had been told, yes, but that hollowness consumed much of his days and weeks following the news. The news that his older brother Bosacius had finally been found. News that should have been good.
But finding a dead body didn't bring with it joy or relief. Only confirmation of every fear, stoking the flames of self-blame and what-ifs. What if Xiao had tried harder, what if Xiao had checked here instead of there… What if, what if, w h a t i f?
The first glimmers of memory he could scrape together, was the way everything hurt inside and out. His skull felt as if it was trying to fissure apart. The pressure behind his eyes were so intense he couldn't open them. But neither compared to the void in his chest trying to twist him from the inside out. A cool rag was pressed to his forehead, a straw to his lips. Words that were careful and kind whispered to him. Couldn't recall everything he said, but some bits stood out. “...stay another night… -eck on you… call if you can…”
It wasn't a voice he knew, and in the throes of loss, Xiao didn't care. If this was a stranger planning to hurt him, they would only find he could hurt no more. But they didn't hurt him. They only tried to help him drink water, and played a flute for him. The flute was what stuck out the most. According to Xiao's recollection, he guessed this only went on for a day or two. The receipts showed it had been more. Despite the days and all those hours that passed the flute was what stuck the most, was the only real memory he had of that time.
“Do you need to stay here another night?” Venti had asked, stopping in at the hotel room before work. Again. There was never judgment or pity in his words. No attempts to ask what was wrong. Just a gentleness about Venti with soft suggestions. Little things like, “do you want to try and take a shower? I brought you some old clothes of mine, if you'd like.” Offered painkillers, bread, and water to help the migraines that held Xiao's skull like a vice from all the crying and screaming.
Lying on the bed, body too exhausted to move from where he was curled up, Xiao tried in that moment. He really did. The fog and emptiness lifted enough, offered a crack to glimpse into clarity. The crushing guilt that some stranger was covering him for a hotel room when he had an apartment to get back to? It felt wrong. “I think… I can go back home.” His voice was so coarse to his own ears, ragged and harsher than he wanted it to be.
“Hmm. How about I help you back when I'm off work? That way, you still have here to come back to if you're not ready.” Venti suggested, his patient smile somehow easing the shame that was leaking into the sorrow.
And he hadn't been ready. The apartment was empty. The sounds and noise that once filled it was silent, a silence that would linger and remain. Bosacius couldn't handle it. Spiraled and disappeared only to be found… Found like that. It made Xiao's stomach turn, sobbing on the floor with a stranger's hand pulling his hair back in case he dry-heaved again. The same stranger that helped him back to the hotel. That when he finally did go home days later, found that his place had been cleaned.
Xiao still mourned, but each day got easier to wake to for. Found himself clawing his way out of bed solely so his father wouldn't cry, and to repay the kind stranger. Had scrolled through the text messages he shared with Venti, most of which he couldn't recall. Hated himself for all the trauma dumping he did to the poor guy. Wondered if Venti was even real, but he had to be. There were texts. Calls. People like Venti weren't real. They couldn't be.
Took a deep breath, and called Venti just to check he was real.
“It's Birb!” Venti's voice was sweet and excited, reminded Xiao of a tutor whose student hit the right note for the first time.
“Birb?” Xiao repeated, that anxiety bubbling up that he somehow dialed the wrong person. Even though this was the number Venti put into his cell phone, and the number he had apparently spoken to on multiple occasions.
“Ehe, right, sorry! I never actually got your name, so I just… Called you Bird. And then it became Birb?” As he explained, casual as can be, Xiao could only stand there and marvel at this person. “In case you didn't get mine, my name is Venti. What can I help you with?” The offer was extended so easily, without hesitation. He didn't understand. Wouldn't this stranger want some kind of compensation?
"I want to… Thank you. Pay you back, somehow.” Xiao hoped that didn't sound weird, his mind flipping his words over and finding every way it could be taken wrong. There was laughter on the other side of the line.
“I understand that, but… I didn't do that to get ‘compensation.’ If you're feeling guilty and need an outlet for it, volunteering helps. But don't do that until you're ready, okay?” Venti instructed, stern but that kindness lessened it to the point it was almost a suggestion. Clutching his phone tightly, all Xiao could think was, that's not enough! Recognizing the stretch of silence for that guilt, Venti added on, "Also, you already had your father pay me back. When you feel up to it, if you still want to do more just… Pay it forward." That gentleness was still there, washing over Xiao and giving him a safety net where there had once been a chasm.
“Oh." A numbness crawled over Xiao's brain, at the reality he had done and said things that were forever lost to him. Memories the depression permanently robbed him of. The hollowness swallowed any anger he would have felt about that, and all he could do was remain fixated on the only desire he had. That he was now clinging to, and hoped the stranger would let him have. “I'll do that. Too. But. I do want to thank you… Maybe hear your flute again?” The last bit came out a mumble, his ears turning red at the admission that escaped him. “No, I'm sorry, I've already asked so much of you-”
“You did? When?” Venti may have said that to be playful, but it was a punch to the gut. A truth that Xiao couldn't deny, because he couldn't remember. The first buzzes of frustration hummed in the back of Xiao's head. “I did what I did because I chose to. You don't owe anyone anything for choices they make without you. Just because the bird benefits from the wind, doesn't mean there's only a breeze when they want to fly.” The metaphor did confuse Xiao, if only because it implied that Venti actively looked for people to rescue. Were that the case, a lot of things would be different around town, and Venti wouldn't have shown up to the hotel room in a dress. “But. I get more free treats at my work than I can eat or drink, and I would feel better seeing you on occasion? If you're willing?”
More than eager to meet his savior without the cloud of depression depriving Xiao of his memory, he got the name of Venti's work. Had been surprised and flustered by the place, not expecting a maid café. It made sense with what Venti wore, but it still seemed like the kind of place that shouldn't exist. Each maid portrayed a different trope, and had some kind of story. The regulars got quite invested in the ongoing soap opera that unfolded. Once a week the stage was dedicated to the next piece acted out, and Xiao was surprised to learn their payroll manager also doubled as the lorekeeper for the story.
Apparently enough regulars were keeping notes about the early stories, that the café could no longer come up with them on the fly. Xiao found that nugget of knowledge to be the oddest piece. The rest of the week different maids had different performances. During Venti's, he would play one of many instruments. As he learned the schedule, Xiao would more diligently show up during the music, pastry and coffee for company while he listened.
“Where else do you play?” Xiao asked once, while Venti worked with another maid for cleanup after hours. The perk of befriending one of the maids (and inevitably being asked by the others to walk them home) was that he could hang around much as he wanted.
“Play in what way?” Venti asked, pausing to look over at Xiao with a raised, playful and sultry brow. Xiao rolled his eyes.
“Music. You practically use a different instrument every week. Are you in a band, or maybe an orchestra?” Xiao knew it was a stretch to hope that Venti was in the latter. Part of a music degree was making contacts, and this was as good an opportunity as any to also maybe repay Venti by learning more about him.
“Hahah, just here!” Venti laughed it off, going back to his work. But Xiao noticed the way his smile didn't reach his eyes, and his normally warm eyes of emerald and sapphire were cold. “I thought about starting a music channel, but all the marketing and branding… Not worth it.”
“But you play beautifully. If you need help with that stuff, I can-” Xiao tried, wanted to do it. To help, to thank, to express his gratitude because he was carried long enough to realize. To recognize he was following in Bosacius’ footsteps, and were he alive to see it, watching Xiao fall apart like he had would have broken his heart. The therapy helped, Venti's flute helped… But the guilt remained.
“You have college!” Venti laughed, flickers of his own sadness in his eyes. Hints of a story that Xiao wasn't allowed to know, and perhaps that had been the first sympton. Just as a runny nose was a precursor to a cold, the pang of not knowing Venti for who he was the precursor to heartbreak in being held at a distance.
“Ohhh, he's a college boy?” Another maid piped in, eyeing Xiao. “He's kind of short, so I was worried… But I was worried for nothing! What's your major?” They asked.
“Music.” The reactions were always varied, but the assessment was the same: there wasn't money in such a path. The only people that hadn't looked down on him for it was his family, while everyone else was looking at him as if he planned on trying to pursue a career in popstardom. That had never been the plan, Xiao couldn't stand the idea of hundreds of people staring at him, let alone the impossibility of even getting famous enough to pay bills. His goal was less lofty: to get a seat in an orchestra. To learn music from everywhere he could, to let others get lost in each note the way he did when he played. “I'm not really sure about that anymore, though.”
But the passion had dwindled, the fire for it snuffed out. Could only think of that flute, the calming effect it had on him. Could only think how badly he wanted to do that, but for others. For Venti.
“Why not?” Venti asked, maybe the first invasive question he asked.
“I… Thought about what you said. The volunteering. And I might have found something through that.” Xiao admitted, but couldn't bring himself to say it. Wanted to tell Venti before anyone else, because the maid was the reason he found it. Was inspired by Venti, and through the other knew his goal was possible.
“You're not giving up music though, right?” Venti asked, a little bit of fear slipping out into his words. Xiao right then fancied that maybe the other wanted to perform together. Felt the first hints of warmth in his chest at the idea of the two playing together, a mismatched set of maid and student on stage. A new dream, small and simplistic yet more alluring than any Xiao had prior. He wanted to ask, to know, to understand where that quiet worry in Venti's voice came from. To know as much about Venti and his life as Venti knew about his own.
But the question refused to leave his lips, cowardly and afraid of Venti pulling away instead of letting him close. "No, never." A pause, uncertainty how to proceed and yet Xiao's words continued before the next thought could finish, "We couldn't have a duet if I did." Each piece of his own sentence reached his ears in real time as the others, as Venti. The other paused, lips parted just slightly while those pretty eyes were locked in a mask of neutrality. The presumption took the maid by surprise, but the shock was subtle as seconds ticked by with Xiao staring in growing apprehension at the blank visage.
"That could be fun!" Another maid broke in, noting the odd tension. They were kind enough to break it, even going so far as to stand between the two men. "Oh, could I make a request? Actually, know what, I will…" And on they went, until Venti was no longer locked up and the pair were able to make playful jests back and forth about the options. After that, Xiao couldn't bring himself to mention it again.
That Venti didn't bring it back up ensured the mutual silence.
The longing had been there, even as far back as then yet had been undiagnosed for what it was. The light Venti gave him in the days of darkness had so slowly shifted from a single match to a candle to a smoldering more - the smoke from the loss obscured how much bigger the simple flame had become. Not until Xiao was finally given a glimpse into the person did he notice there was anything more than faint light within that haze. Venti had been pensive, worrying his lower lip with furrowed brows one night. Ran fingernails over the face of his thumb, occasionally clicking one finger's nail against that of his thumb. The cafe had been closed up, and Xiao lingered after to ensure everyone got into their rides safely. Remained there until the only person left was Venti, still pensive as he stood on the sidewalk next to Xiao. "Do you… Need a ride?" Xiao hesitated in his offer, scared of assuming, of rushing the other. At his words Venti's fingers paused, before finally rising up to scratch the back of his head awkwardly.
"Ah… No, but… Yes?" Venti began, one side of his mouth lifting slightly in a partial grin. His brows remained furrowed, not exactly instilling confidence in his words to the listener. "Not for tonight, but… Could I… Ask you for a favor?"
"Yes." Xiao's answer was immediate, straightening his back in his eagerness to do something, anything in return for the help he had been given. At the reaction, the half-grin faltered and there was a flash of worry. "Within reason." Xiao added, hoping the swiftness in his reply didn't just scare the other away. Reassured there would be limitations, Venti's smile returned but this time it was more relaxed.
"A friend of mine is having a party, and I was wondering if you were free and willing to give me a ride? There'll be drinks, and it's important to have a designated driver just in case!" Venti explained, tone casual but at no point in his request did those brows ease any.
"Which night?" Xiao asked, more to tamper his willingness to blindly agree than because it necessarily mattered.
"Next Saturday. If you don't want to, plenty of time for me to find someone else." Venti assured him. If Xiao took a moment to observe the pair with a lens of indifference, he would have been able to see both of them shuffled awkwardly to avoid undue pressure on the other.
"I would… Definitely be able to, and don't mind." Xiao answered carefully, catching himself before he let, 'would love to,' slip out. Licking his lips, he even got a little daring at navigating the conversation so well thus far. "It's been awhile since I could go to a party. Would you, and your friend, mind if I… Hung around? I won't drink, promise."
The party wasn't the real motivation for him wanting to 'hang around.' Parties had never really appealed to Xiao, especially ones that advertised alcohol. Parties were loud, the attendees obnoxious, and there was never anything interesting to do. Most didn't even have a pet to be distracted by, the animals kept some place safe away from all the noise. Until that moment, there had never been any reason to go. But this one had something he desperately wanted - the chance to actually get to know Venti. To see the person, to know what was beyond the acts of kindness and work persona. To experience who Venti was with his friends, not with his co-workers.
"Then I'll ask!" Venti promised, black brows easing at the soft smile he gave. "See you next Saturday at six! I really appreciate this!"
Saturday hadn't come fast enough. As the day approached, Xiao ransacked his clothes trying to find something that seemed party appropriate. The one downside of being more studious and professionally focused was that most of his attire wasn't… Fun seemed the right word. The night before had been difficult, Xiao sitting on his bed staring at the wall. All he could think about how much easier it would have been were Menogias still there. That if there was nothing in Xiao's closet, then surely there was something in a thrift store. Or perhaps he could raid Indarias' closet, chattering away about how 'cool' her outfits were, how well they would work. Could picture Indarias catching the two, clucking her tongue at the direction of the discussion. "Are you trying to make our little brother look like some kind of biker bad boy? What's he going to do, return a library book late?" She'd grumble, all the while helping Menogias raid her own closet.
Subconsciously, Xiao had called Venti. Broke from his daze when realizing he had been talking to Venti, unclear what had been discussed. Only knew by the end that he was picking Venti up at two instead, and the pair were making multiple trips. On each one Venti dragged Xiao into a shop, detailing his thoughts on each option and weighing the reactions the other gave with each clothing article or accessory. Comforting in its familiarity, reassuring in its newness. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you with something like this." Xiao found himself apologizing, almost an hour into the adventure.
"This isn't a bother, no need to apologize." Venti assured him, head tilted slightly as his mouth pursed thoughtfully while gauging the final look. Standing there in new clothes he didn't need, Xiao flushed. What he was wearing couldn't possibly deserve much rumination - it was comparatively tame next to what Venti had on. Next to each other, the pair looked like they belonged to completely different parties. Venti's outfit screamed club, while Xiao's was a more subdued kareoke bar look. Xiao felt so… Plain next to Venti, but anything more felt uncomfortable. Felt wrong. "Hmm. It's missing something… Oh!" Eyes lighting up as the figurative light bulb went off, Venti darted off.
"You and your boyfriend are really cute." The sales associate commented, nose crinkling happily as they commented.
"Oh, no, no, that is… He's… He's just my friend." Xiao corrected, stumbling over words as his cheeks turned red. Felt the reverberations of his heart hammering in his chest at the thought that the two looked like a couple to outsiders. Couldn't decipher if the idea felt right or not, and was saved from his thoughts by Venti's return while an embarassed store employee hurried away.
"Here!" Venti declared, easily wrapping his arms around Xiao's hips to encircle a belt with inlaid designs, pausing at the font to keep the buckle and end in place. "This gives more of a break between, but matches shirt and pants nicely!" As he explained, their bodies close, Xiao felt his own face getting warm. With a nod, Venti pulled away along witht he belt without indiciating if he even noticed the red now on his ride's visage. Almost to the register, Venti paused to looked over at his shoulder and smile at Xiao. "C'mon, let's pay then eat!" There was no way he couldn't see the blush, but rather than comment on it a simple laugh left his nose. "Where do you want to eat?"
And the two left the moment at that.