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Buck and Eddie had been together for three years when they’d decided they wanted to have kids. Buck had been a probationary firefighter for four months and Eddie had returned from his final tour in Afghanistan six months ago, the pair finally settling down in LA. 

They’d originally met out in Afghanistan, both being stationed over there, Eddie with the army, Buck with the SEALs. They were constantly bumping into each other whilst they were out there and Eddie had fallen head over heels for the dorky SEAL who kept joking about having been posted in the Arctic and meeting aliens in their underground city. 

It wasn’t until after the helicopter crash that Eddie had asked Buck out, the latter having saved the former, leading to a very loopy Eddie insisting on taking Buck out for drinks when they were both in the US next. And the rest was history, the pair falling into a relationship that was a logistical nightmare. But they’d managed to make it work. 

So once they were both back on American soil they moved to LA together and started putting down roots which was how Buck ended up as a firefighter and Eddie in construction. 

Eddie had gotten home from work with takeout in hand, knowing Buck had had a rough day, his text updates informing him of his partner's mood and what to expect when he got home. 

Buck was curled up on the couch when Eddie got back, bawling his eyes out as Blackfish played on the TV. Eddie dumped the takeout on the coffee table and sat down next to Buck, pulling him into his arms. 

“He didn’t deserve to be treated like that,” Buck sobbed, “He’s not a bad Orca.” 

Eddie rubbed his back, “I know, I know, it’s okay.” Buck only got upset at Blackfish when he was feeling particularly shit, which meant Buck’s day must’ve been even worse than he let on. 

They stayed like that for a good few minutes as the tears began to subside, eventually replaced by sniffles, “Fuck Seaworld.” He eventually mumbled, Eddie echoing the sentiment. 

He then pulled out of the embrace, inspecting Buck’s face, “Should we eat and you can tell me what’s really got you upset?” He asked, before adding “Other than the ill treatment of Tilikum.” Buck nodded so Eddie began pulling the takeout boxes out of the bag along with the cutlery the place had provided. 

The pair ate in silence for a moment before Buck eventually spoke, “We found a baby in a toilet pipe today, premature, not breathing. It survived, but fuck Eddie, someone flushed a baby down the toilet.” 

“Fuck, that’s… Jesus.” 

“The mother was just a kid, but I was so angry that I blamed her.” Buck sniffled some more before shoving some noodles into his mouth, “Does that make me a bad person?” He asked, mouth full. 

“No, no it doesn’t. You care a lot Evan and you’ve got huge feelings that you struggle to regulate, and today those came out in the field, that doesn’t make you a bad person.” Eddie told him, voice calm, “You remember what your psychiatrist said, once we find the right medication emotional regulation will get easier, we just need to wait for that to happen.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” He grumbled, Eddie had a point. They fell back into silence but Buck broke it a few minutes later, “Have you ever thought about having kids?” 

Eddie chuckled, “I have.” 

“And…” Buck prompted. 

“I want them, but only if it’s with you.” Buck’s face flushed at that, “Do you?” 

“I want to be a Dad more than anything.” He admitted, “All I want is a family with you.” 

“Then it’s settled, we’re having kids.” Eddie said, “Let’s wait till after your probationary year is up, then we’ll make it happen, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Near the end of Buck’s probationary year Eddie went off to the Academy, joining his partner as a firefighter, so they decided to push back having a kid by another year. They wanted to get their feet under them first, and Eddie being a firefighter would help them do that. Plus the money would be better than Eddie’s current gig and he’d enjoy it far more, construction was not for him. 

It was as Eddie was about to graduate that everything took an unexpected turn in the form of a knock at the door. 

He and Buck were in the kitchen where the latter was trying to make one of the recipes his captain had taught him, so when the knock came Eddie was the one to go and answer it. 

An unfamiliar woman stood on the other side looking a bit sheepish, “Hi, uh, is Evan here?” She asked. 

“Who are you?” He asked instead of giving her an answer.

“Oh,” She stuck her hand out to shake, “I’m-”

“Maddie?” Buck appeared in the kitchen doorway. 

“Evan?” 

He powered on over to her and pulled her into a massive hug, lifting her off of the ground, “Oh my God, I’ve missed you so much!” He held her tightly for a few more seconds before putting her down. 

“I’ve missed you too.” She then turned to Eddie, “So you must be the army boy toy.” She joked, making Eddie’s face flush.

Buck lightly slapped her arm, “Madds, you can’t call him that!” But both Maddie and Eddie ignored him. 

“It’s lovely to finally meet you,” Eddie stuck his hand out, Maddie grabbing on and shaking, “Sorry I didn’t recognise you, I’ve only seen you in old photos so I didn’t really process you in the flesh.” 

“It’s alright.” She chuckled, “Considering I ambushed you it’s understandable.” 

“Why don’t you join us for dinner?” Eddie offered, ushering Maddie inside as Buck followed.

Over the course of dinner Maddie was offered the spare room and given job suggestions, Buck really wanting her to stay in the area so he could reconnect with his sister and keep an eye on her incase Doug came looking for her. Having her at the house with two men over six foot, one of whom was ex-army, the other an ex-SEAL meant that she was in the safest place possible. 

It felt like everything was coming together. 

A month later Eddie graduated from the Academy with flying colours (Buck knew he would) and had been offered a position at station six. 

“I got another DXA scan,” Buck announced, walking into the apparatus bay, “and guess who dropped another half percent.” 

“What?” Hen had no idea what he was on about, but it was Buck, it could be anything. 

“A DXA scan measures your body fat.” He explained, showing Hen and Bobby his phone, “You can see your percentage in every part of your body.”

Of course it was at that moment that Chimney decided to rock up, just in time to poke fun at Buck, “Oh, yeah? They measure the fat in your head?” 

“Ah, see, that would be funny, but we’re about a week away from submissions being due for the Hot Days, Smoldering Nights: Men of the LAFD wall calendar, and I’m already at my goal weight,” Buck was determined to get picked, he’d only just missed submissions the year before, having graduated a week after entries closed, so now was his chance, “so it seems like my head is clearly working perfectly.” 

“Do you really need to use that whole title?” Hen asked, looking extremely unimpressed, “You could just say ‘that idiotic, reductive, sexist calendar that insults the dignity of this organisation and furthers the myth that all firefighters are male.’”

“Yeah, that’s not any less words.” Buck clearly didn’t get the point of what she was saying, oblivious like always. 

“Hen, come on, it’s for charity.” Bobby said, a smirk on his face. 

“No. Bobby, you too?” Hen had thought better of him. 

“Well, why not? They say a man is at his sexiest when he reaches fifty.” 

Hen glared at him, “Is that what they say? That’s what they say?” 

“Okay you’re both wrong. All right? You see, I think sorority houses all across this great nation are ready for a new Asian sex symbol. It’s our time.” Once he’d finished speaking, Chim chucked some popcorn in his mouth. 

“I think it’s great. You know? I like that you’re both going up for it.” Buck jabbed, subtle sarcasm in his voice.

Bobby was ready to jab back though, “Oh, because you don’t think that we have a chance.” 

“Whoa, did I say that?” Buck mocked, effortlessly bantering with Bobby, “I mean, sure, let’s be real. They are only picking one candidate from each station.” 

Chim must’ve gotten distracted whilst Bobby and Buck were talking because as he spoke he pointed to the locker room, “Okay. That is a beautiful man.” 

“Where’s the lie?” Hen’s attention was also caught by whoever Chim was looking at, Buck slowly starting to turn to look at the man in question, “And I like girls.” 

And that’s when he saw… “Eddie?” 

“Do you know him?” Bobby asked, but instead of answering Buck just walked towards the locker room. 

As he walked he caught Eddie’s eye, the other man turning to look at his partner, a bright smile on his face. He exited the locker room and met Buck halfway, pulling him into a hug. 

“Hey man.” He greeted, holding on tightly even though they’d only parted ways under an hour ago. 

“What are you doing here?” Buck asked as he eventually pulled back, “I thought you were going to station six?” 

Eddie had that shit eating grin he got whenever he was being a cheeky bastard, “Last minute change of plans.” He gave a faux nonchalant shrug. 

“You fucker, how long have you known about this?” 

“Only a day,” Eddie chuckled, “I thought you might enjoy the surprise.” 

Suddenly Buck’s face fell into a suspicious glare, “You’re not fucking with me, are you? Rocking up to tease me with those abs of yours and then fucking off to your actual station, are you?” 

Eddie’s smile turned fond, enough confirmation that this was for real, “No, I’m here for good.” 

“Good, I’ll introduce you then.” Eddie followed Buck as he led him back to the small group, “Everyone this is Eddie Diaz, Eddie this is Hen, Bobby and Chimney.” 

“I didn’t realise you two knew each other.” Bobby said, analysing the two of them. 

Eddie and Buck began to laugh in unison, “Know each other?” Buck said, speaking through the laugh. 

“We share a mortgage.” Eddie finished for him.

“Oh, that reminds me, we’re out of milk, remind me to get some on the way home.” Somehow the mention of the mortgage had triggered that memory for Buck, his ADHD addled brain making a series of fast connections leading him to the on-topic/off-topic comment. 

Everyone looked baffled but Bobby was the first to regain his composure, “I’m gonna need you two to fill out HR paperwork, aren’t I?” 

They both nodded and said “Yes” in unison, perfectly in sync. 

“You’re not going to have any problems working together and living together, you’re not gonna get a break from each other you know.” Bobby reminded them. For most couples having that time where they were apart was key to staying together, but Buck and Eddie weren’t most couples. No, they were BuckAndEddie.

“We’ll be fine.” Buck said, before Eddie followed it up with, “We’ve been attached at the hip since Afghanistan.” 

“And apparently we’re easier to handle together than apart.” 

“Wait, hold on.” Chimney held up his hands in a placating gesture, so that Buck and Eddie would stop talking, “Afghanistan? You were both in the army?” 

“I was in the army.”

“I was a Navy SEAL. Eddie was a combat medic.” 

“And Buck was… being Buck.” Which honestly was a pretty good explanation. 

Bobby looked between the two of them, “Well, in that case, Buck, why don’t you show Eddie around.” 

Buck gave Bobby a jokey salute before dragging Eddie away to give him the grand tour. 

The next year passed quickly, a mixture of joyous moments and major traumas. 

Pulling a live grenade out of a man’s leg had Buck and Eddie slipping back into military mode, working seamlessly like they’d done on the occasions their paths had crossed back then. 

Going on a hallucinogenic drug trip together, something they’d only done once before and were planning on never doing again, having decided it wasn’t their idea of a fun night in. 

A shark eating a man's arm on the highway and everyone (including the man who was being bitten) being weirdly okay with it. 

Maddie being kidnapped and almost murdered by Doug as well as Chim’s life hanging in the balance. The pair, yet again, falling back into their military ways as they went looking for her with Athena by their side. 

And then the bombing happened. 

Buck and Eddie had just begun discussing kids again, Eddie’s probationary period coming to an end, when it happened; Buck getting caught in the crossfire of someone else’s revenge plot. 

As soon as Eddie saw Buck trapped under the truck he’d lunged forward, ready to run towards his partner, only for Hen to grab onto him. Eddie tried to fight against her but another firefighter, Ryan Cairney, grabbed on as well. 

“Eddie, Eddie you need to stop.” Hen pleaded, “He’s got another bomb. If we run in there he’ll blow us all up, Buck included.” 

At that all fight left Eddie’s body causing him to fall to his knees as he made eye contact with Buck, the pain in his partner's eyes destroying him inside. So Hen knelt down and held onto him tightly, hugging him close to her chest like she did when Denny was scared. 

It took far too long for Eddie’s liking to de-escalate the situation but eventually he was running to Buck’s side and grabbing onto his hand, “Hey, hey, I’m here now.” He soothed as Hen and Chim joined them, medical kits in hand. 

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Buck asked, finally able to get words out through the pain. Eddie’s eyes were filled with fear and Buck could tell he was about to lie to him, so he pulled the military card, hoping to get Eddie out of the ‘this is my partner in pain’ mindset and into his professional one, “Don’t bullshit me Staff Sergeant.” 

Eddie got it, of course he got it, so he pushed his feelings aside like Buck needed him to, “It’s bad.” He confirmed. 

“I’m gonna lose it bad, or months of painful recovery bad?” 

Eddie let out a deep sigh, lying down on his front so he was on the same level as Buck, “I think you’re gonna lose it.” 

Buck nodded for a second, taking in everything that was going on around him, trying to push the pain away as the morphine Hen had administered kicked in, “They’re not gonna be able to get this off in time, are they?” Buck whined, voice coming out strained from the pain. 

“We’re trying man, but it’s heavy.” God Eddie just wanted to take his pain away, but he couldn’t, he felt helpless. 

Buck’s breath hitched as he was hit with a thought, “You gotta do a field amputation.” Both Hen and Chim stopped moving at that, Eddie just looking distraught, “We both know it’s the best cause of action. I’ve seen you do them before and that’s been on people under less weight than I am now, so it’s coming off either way, let’s just get it out of that way.” Buck let out a sob, trying and failing to keep his head in SEAL mode. 

“Buck-” Eddie tried to speak only for Buck to cut him off. 

“No, we’re not doing this, Staff Sergeant, I can’t do civilian right now or I’m going to lose my shit and I need to hold it together, please.” 

“Okay, okay, Chief Petty Officer it is.” Eddie understood why Buck wanted to go down this route, but right now he wanted to be a man comforting his partner, not a subordinate addressing a superior officer. 

Buck swallowed deeply, “Thank you.” He took a deep breath, “You know what you’re doing, Staff Sergeant, so do it.” 

“Yes Sir.” He stood, trying to hold back tears, as he walked over to the engine to grab the saw. “Hen, I’m gonna need to sterilise the saw. Chim, can you prep as much morphine as you can safely give Buck and get a tourniquet on.” 

Hen stood and kept pace with Eddie, “Are you serious?” She hissed, “you’re really going to do that?” 

“It’s what he wants.” Eddie did his best to not let himself falter, he needed to keep going. 

“He’s in so much pain he doesn’t know what he wants.” She argued, “He can’t give informed consent because he can’t think clearly because of the pain and drugs.”

“Hen-”

“Look, I get you’re doing this whole military thing, but he’s not your superior officer right now, he’s your partner and a civilian.” 

The pair reached the engine and Eddie threw open the compartment with the saw and pulled it out, “As an army medic who’s done this before I agree with Chief Petty Officer Buckley, and as his partner and medical proxy I’m giving consent.” He began to walk back to the truck and Buck, “Look, I know you’re a fantastic paramedic Hen, you’re the best I know, but I handled stuff like this all the time in Afghanistan, this is the safest and most humane option, I promise.” 

Hen nodded, she wasn’t happy about it but Eddie had a point, “Okay, I’ll grab extra supplies from the ambulance.” 

When Eddie got back Bobby was on the ground with Buck, having taken the exact same position as Eddie. Eddie crouched next to him and spoke quietly to his captain, “Can you please hold his hand through this, he needs the comfort.” 

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.” Bobby assured him, giving Buck’s hand a squeeze. “Ain’t that right kid?” He directed that last part at Buck, getting a nod in response. 

Eddie, Hen and Chim busied themselves getting everything ready. As soon as everything was in position Buck looked up at Eddie, “You’ve got this Staff Sergeant.”

“I do, sir.” He nodded, quickly looking at Hen and then Chim before going for it. 

The whole of the 118 were sat in the hospital waiting room, not wanting to miss any news about Buck’s condition. 

Eddie looked the most shellshocked out of all of them, specs of blood still on his face and arms, hands shaking. 

Athena reached out and guided his head to her chest, she placed one of her hands on top of his, whilst she wrapped her other arm around him, holding him close to her. 

It wasn’t much longer until Buck’s surgeon stepped out, “Family of Evan Buckley?” He called out, Eddie rushing to his feet, Maddie not far behind. 

“That’s us.” Eddie confirmed, a hand coming to grip one of Maddie’s. 

“Mr Buckley made it through with minimal blood loss given the situation, and the cut was nice and clean so it was easy to close up the wound, whoever did it did a good job.” 

“Uh, that was me.” Eddie admitted, upon the Doctors shocked look he clarified, “I was an army medic, not my first rodeo.” 

The Doctor gave him a sad smile, “Thank you for your service, and well done on such a good job, it could’ve been a whole lot worse had you not acted like you did.”

“Can we see him yet?” Maddie asked, squeezing Eddie’s hand. 

“He’s in recovery but as soon as we move him to a room I’ll have a nurse take you through to him.” 

It was another hour before a nurse came to grab them, taking Eddie and Maddie through first, the others having to wait as not to crowd the room. 

Buck was already awake when they got to him, Maddie taking the plastic chair next to the bed whilst Eddie sat on the edge of the mattress. 

“Good work Staff Sergeant.” Buck joked, clearly high on painkillers.

This time the use of his old rank got a chuckle out of Eddie, “I do my best, sir.” He sobered up quickly though as he took one of Buck’s hands in his, “How’re you feeling?” 

“High as a kite man.” Buck giggled, he honest to God giggled.

Eddie pressed a kiss to his knuckles, “I can tell.” 

Buck’s face flushed before speaking, “Has anybody ever told you you’re extremely cute?” 

Eddie couldn’t hold back the boisterous laugh that came out of him, “Yes, you have, whenever you’re drunk or high.” 

“Good, because you are! I have good taste in men.” 

“Wow, full of yourself much?” 

Buck turned his head to the side, suddenly spotting Maddie. He gasped, and then looked back at Eddie before he attempted to quietly whisper “Maddie’s here! Did you know she was here?” But it came out as a stage whisper, too high to control his volume. 

“Yes, I did.” Buck just nodded, not saying anything so Eddie prompted him, “This is the part where you say hello to her.” 

“Oh, right.” He turned to Maddie with a sappy smile and glassy eyes, “Hi Maddie.”

“Hi Buck.” She gave him a sad smile. 

“Did you see Eddie chop my leg off?” He seemed weirdly excited by it, but considering the amount of drugs he was on that wasn’t surprising, “He’s so cool.” 

Maddie wasn’t able to match his enthusiasm, instead her voice was filled with sadness as she remembered watching it on the news, “I did see, I think most of LA saw, considering it was on the news.” 

At first when she saw Eddie walking away from the truck she knew he was going to do something she wouldn’t like but she’d never have imagined he’d chop her brother's leg off. But as soon as she saw the saw and Hen and Chim begin to prepare everything she knew what was coming. That didn’t stop her and almost all of dispatch flinching when the saw made first contact with Buck's leg. 

But Buck had lived and that was the most important part. 

Buck worked his arse off to get back to full health, making sure he was doing everything his physiotherapist told him to religiously, because the sooner he got settled on his prosthetic the sooner his life could go back to normal. 

So the third time Buck and Eddie discussed having kids they were yet again curled up on the couch after Eddie had driven them home from physio where it had been confirmed that Buck was only weeks away from being cleared for duty. He’d have to take his recertification test but he knew he could do it and then he’d be back in the field. 

“So we need to figure out how we’re actually going to do this.” Eddie said, “Do we want to adopt or use a surrogate? Because I’m happy either way.”

“Uh, I was actually talking to Maddie about this.” Buck said, looking away from Eddie, “And, uh, she made an interesting offer.” He took a deep breath and looked back at Eddie, “She said if we decided to use a surrogate and egg donor she’d want to do it for us.” 

Eddie analysed Buck’s face for a moment, “And how would you feel about that?” 

“Well, you know, if Maddie was the egg donor and we used your sperm then we could still have a kid with Buckley and Diaz genes, and I quite like the sound of that.” Buck admitted, before quickly adding on, “But if you’d rather not then that’s fine, it was just an offer.” 

“No, no, I really like that! I want to do that. If she really doesn’t mind.” Eddie was being genuine, he wanted a kid that had his and Buck’s DNA but it just wasn’t possible, so to him this was the next best thing. 

“She was really keen.” Buck chuckled. 

“Should we invite her for drinks tomorrow and discuss it?”

“So I told Eddie about your offer.” Buck said before taking a swig of his beer, “And he really likes the sound of it. If you’re still on board that is.” 

“I’m 100% on board.” She smiled softly at both of them, “You’re both going to make amazing Dads and you clearly make each other extremely happy. I want to do this for you, I want you to have the family you deserve.” 

From there it was appointment after appointment, hormone treatments and tests, the three of them attending everything they could together (of course there were some things which were better done in privacy so those would only be attended by the necessary individual). So when they got the news it was quite possibly the best thing that had ever happened to Buck and Eddie aside from meeting each other. 

“We’re having a baby?” Buck couldn’t quite believe it, after all these years of having to put it off, all these months of work, it was finally happening, “Oh my god we’re having a baby!” 

Both he and Eddie got a bit hysterical, laughing and crying as they held each other before moving over to Maddie and pulling her in to join them. 

So of course when they walked into the station the next day it was clear as day to the team that something had happened. 

“What’s got you two so smiley?” Hen asked.

Chim clattered up the stairs, plopping down next to Hen on the couches, “Is this what I think it is?” He’d already been given the news the night before as it was only fair he knew ahead of time considering it was his girlfriend they’d gotten pregnant (which, ew, gross, weird way to phrase it).

“It is.” Eddie said, “Uh, Cap, can you join us for a second?” 

Bobby walked over to them, “Of course, is everything okay?” 

“It’s actually better than okay.” Buck said as he reached out and grabbed Eddie’s hand. 

“As of yesterday it’s official-” 

Before Eddie could finish, Buck got over excited and finished it for him, “We’re gonna be Dads!” 

Chim already knew but still got excited anyway whilst Hen and Bobby were over the moon for them, passing congratulations around and already planning a 118 barbeque to celebrate the good news. 

“Do you want to find out the gender ahead of time or find out on the day?” Karen asked, sipping on her wine as she spoke to Buck and Eddie. 

“We’re gonna leave it as a surprise,” Eddie said, “But I think Maddie wants to know so the doctor’s going to tell her but not us.” 

“We’re thinking of going for gender neutral names only.” Buck added, “Or names where the nickname is gender neutral.” 

“Which I assume means you’ve already got a list of names prepared,” Athena said, “And I’m going to have to insist on hearing them.”

Buck pulled out his phone, “Okay,” He pulled up the list he and Eddie had made, “We’ve got; Alex, Max, Chris, Carter, Eden, Theo, Fletcher or Dorian.” 

“Alright, I can see that you all want to make judgy comments,” Eddie rolled his eyes affectionately, “Let’s hear it.” 

“Get rid of Eden and Dorian, you don’t look like parents of a kid with either of those names.” Karen said, not even waiting for a second after getting permission. 

Athena nodded along, “I’ve got to agree. I do like Carter but it’s my maiden name so that’s probably why.” That got a laugh out of their little group, “And I like Fletcher but I also don’t know if you look like you’d parent a Fletcher.” 

“But you like the others?” Buck asked.

“Oh yeah, I love the others.” Karen agreed, voice genuine. 

“They’re timeless, classy and they work for adults and children.” Athena added, “I think people forget but you’re naming an adult as well.” 

The months both flew by and went at a snail's pace all at the same time as Buck and Eddie converted the spare room into a nursery, repainting it and setting up furniture. Buck had insisted on theming it, telling Eddie “I have ADHD, Autism and OCD, it needs to be coherent or at least one of those will act up.” 

So they’d settled on an aquarium theme, the walls painted a baby blue whilst the ceiling was cornflower blue with Egyptian blue ripples. 

Buck painted sea creatures on the walls, sand and vegetation along the skirting boards alongside a soft, sunshine yellow carpet. The lights that hung from the ceiling had jellyfish lampshades and other little fishies hung from the ceiling. And there was even a little Tilikum that could be seen in the distance. 

Buck had finished the room whilst Eddie was covering a forty eight hour shift so he had two days to surprise Eddie with the finishing touches, but first he needed the seal of approval from Maddie. 

Maddie finished her shift at the call centre two hours before Eddie was due to finish at the station so Buck had her come over so she could see the room for herself. 

As he guided her to the room he put his hands over her eyes so she couldn’t see a thing, only removing them once they made it to the threshold of the room with a “ta-da”. 

Maddie’s mouth fell open as she walked into the room and looked around, in awe of what Buck had done with the place. What had once been a bland, generic looking room was now an aquarium full of colour and life. 

“You’re the opposite of those beige mums on TikTok.” She chuckled. 

“Damn right, I’m a rainbow Daddy!”

Maddie cringed, “I hate that, never say it again.”

Although Eddie had seen the room as Buck worked on it, seeing it complete was a whole different thing. 

Eddie wandered around the room, checking everything out, not just taking in the design of the room but seeing all the baby proofing Buck had done in this room alone (he knew Buck’s next plan was the kitchen and then the sitting room), and how everything had already been stocked. 

“You’ve been busy.” Eddie said, turning to Buck with a smile.

“You know me,” Buck tried to shrug it off, “I don’t do things by half measures.” 

“Thank God because this is phenomenal.” Eddie pulled Buck into a hug, “I love you so fucking much.” 

“I love you too.” Buck placed a kiss on the top of Eddie’s head. 

Eddie pulled away and turned around in Buck’s arms so his back was against his partner's chest, the pair looking at the room. 

“Just think, three months and this room’s gonna be filled with chaos.” Buck said, voice soft and fond as he rested the side of his head against Eddie’s.

Eddie leant into the contact, as much of himself in contact with Buck, as if they were trying to press together into one person, “I can’t wait.”

Buck turned his head so his face was pressed into the side of Eddie’s head, placing a kiss on his cheek, “Marry me.” Was all he said. 

Eddie nodded and then turned his head as well so he could kiss Buck, “Okay, when?” 

“In an hour?” Buck suggested.

Eddie laughed at that only to realise Buck was serious, “Really?” 

“Get everyone together and have Bobby do the ceremony.” Buck explained, “I don’t need some big wedding, I just need you and our family.”

Eddie laughed again, it was warm and light, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

When Maddie goes into labour everyone is on shift, Maddie mid call whilst Buck and Eddie were in the engine traveling back from a fire. 

Maddie wanted to push through but Sue was having none of it, handing the call over to Linda whilst she radioed for an ambulance. 

Once she’d sorted that she radioed the 118 getting them to redirect to the hospital. 

“Dispatch, we’re nowhere near there and don’t have our ambulance, is everything alright?” Bobby asked, the request being rather bizarre given they didn’t have anyone to transport. 

“I think two of your firefighters might want to be there to meet their baby.” 

Buck threw himself across the cabin to grab the radio, practically climbing on top of Eddie and over the seats so only his legs were in the back. He snatched the radio off of Bobby, “Dispatch, this is firefighter Buckley, are you saying that the Buckley-Diaz kid is on their way?” 

“Yes Buck,” Sue chuckled, “Get those lights and sirens on and be with Maddie so you can meet the newest member of your family.” 

“Thank you!” He then slid back so he was no longer hanging over the seats. 

Thankfully Cairney (who was driving) needed no prompting, hitting the lights and sirens, speeding through traffic so they could get to the hospital in record time. 

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh at his husband, he was a whirlwind of chaos filling the engine, buzzing with excitement as he pulled Eddie into a kiss. 

The engine hadn’t even finished moving when Buck fell out, limbs all over the place as he scrambled to get inside, Eddie following, just as excited but a bit more composed. The engine then vacated the ambulance bay, instead dumping it across multiple parking spaces in the parking lot so everyone could head through to the hospital and wait for the arrival of the newest member of their little family. 

Just as Buck and Eddie stepped up to reception Maddie was wheeled in, “Maddie!” Buck called out, going to join her, Eddie not far behind. 

“Hey Maddie.” Eddie greeted. 

“Hi guys.” She managed to grunt as another contraction hit. 

It was a long and hard labour, the baby being born breech, but Buck and Eddie were beside her the entire time. 

They’d only had an hour left of their shift so the 118 was taken offline until B shift started. Cairney took the engine back to the station, offering to do it as he wasn’t as close with Buck and Eddie as the others in the engine were. 

But eventually the newest member of the Buckley-Diaz family had arrived in the world; a five pound baby boy. 

Eddie cut the cord and Buck was handed the baby. Eddie stood behind him, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist as they both looked down at the child in his arms. 

“We have to choose a name now.” Eddie said, voice soft, “What does he feel like?” 

Without even thinking, no hesitation at all, Buck said, “He’s a Chris.” 

“Chris, I love it.” Eddie reached out and ran the back of one of his fingers down the side of Chris’ face. “Hey Chris, we’re your Dad’s.” 

“Do you want to meet your Auntie Maddie?” He asked, even though he, unsurprisingly, didn’t get an answer out of the newborn. Buck walked over and showed Maddie Chris, “This is your Auntie Maddie.”

“Hi Chris.” She greeted, also running a finger down the side of his face. 

Buck then passed Chris to Eddie, the transition seamless, the pair permanently in sync. Buck took a sneaky picture of Eddie and Chris and sent it to the 118 group chat captioned ‘meet Chris Buckley-Diaz’ resulting in an immediate onslaught of messages of congratulations. 

Babies were hard work but Buck took to parenthood like a duck to water, almost like his brain and body were wired for it. The late nights and broken sleep having no detrimental effects on him, being a firefighter definitely helped with that, but fatherhood seemed to make it even easier. 

Eddie wasn’t as natural with it, taking time to get used to it, but with Buck by his side he was learning and the pair fell into a comfortable routine. 

That’s not to say it was easy, there’d be times when Chris would scream his lungs out and no one could figure out why, they’d be running about the house as chaos reigned, but it was worth it, they both knew it. 

It was at three months that they started to notice something was wrong, Chris felt stiff and his legs would cross when they lifted him. 

They initially asked Hen and Chim to have a look but they sent the Buckley-Diaz family on to their doctor. 

From there it was test, after test, after test until they eventually had an answer; Cerebral Palsy. 

“So where do we go from here? Is there anything we can do to help him manage it as he grows up?” Buck asked. 

“Therapies are the best route as he gets older; physical, occupational, recreational and speech and language. And then there’s some surgeries we can look into when he’s a little bit older that can help his mobility.” Their Doctor explained, “I have some reading for you, so you don’t have to worry about remembering all of it. And I’d like to see Chris in a month's time so I can see how he’s developing.” 

They spent a bit more time with the doctor but eventually were on their way home. The drive back was silent, the pair knowing they needed to have a big conversation, one they shouldn’t have whilst driving. But having any other conversation felt wrong. 

They settled in the kitchen, Eddie with Chris in his lap whilst Buck made coffee. 

“So that was a lot.” Buck eventually said once he’d sat down. 

Eddie let out a bitter laugh, “Yeah, yeah.” 

“But we can handle this, yeah? We’re BuckAndEddie, we pull grenades out of men’s legs and we’ve survived wars together, we’ve got this.”

Eddie nodded, bouncing Chris a bit, “Right. But- I… you’re going to be amazing at this, but me? What if I fail him?”

“Isn’t that part of fatherhood?” Buck asked with a small smirk on his face as he cocked his head, “Look, I’m scared of fucking up, of being like my parents, but I have something they don’t?” 

“What?” 

“You. We’re going to do this together, we’re gonna do research, and we’re gonna do everything we can to give Chris the best life possible.” 

“You make it sound so easy.” 

“It’s not, but we’ve got a whole firehouse behind us, we’re not doing this alone.” Buck reminded him. Eddie nodded before Buck took a deep breath, “I’ve been thinking, and today’s just consolidated it, but, uh, I think I should extend my paternity leave and then go back part time once we’re able to leave him with a professional carer, looking at getting a home-aid or something.”

“But firefighting is your life.” Eddie protested. 

Buck gave him a soft smile, “Not anymore, it’s you and Chris now. And besides I’m not leaving firefighting for good, I’m just focusing on our family for now.” 

Chapter Text

So soon enough Eddie went back to work whilst Buck stayed home with Chris. 

Buck settled into life as a stay at home Dad with ease, finding a routine and rhythm almost immediately. He’d frequently have Chris strapped to his front (he’d fallen in love with papooses as soon as he’d tried the first one) as he got on with jobs around the house or if he was heading out to run errands, the little boy always close by.  

Of course there was a huge part of him that missed fire fighting but being with Chris made it all worthwhile, besides he was going back eventually, but for now he was thriving as a stay at home Dad. 

Whenever Eddie would get home from work he’d fill Buck in on all the calls they’d had, even the boring and run of the mill ones, and Buck would then fill Eddie in on everything he and Chris had done with their day. 

Buck would often bring Chris by the firehouse to visit everyone, a combination of getting their son used to being there and to socialise him as everyone knew Chris would practically grow up in the place, they wanted it to be like a second home for him just like it was for the rest of their little family. 

“Anybody home?” Buck called out, walking through the apparatus bay and towards the loft.

Eddie was the first to appear, looking over the balcony with a massive smile on his face, “There are my two favorite boys.” He called out, meeting them halfway up the stairs. 

Buck handed Chris to Eddie and he then went and said hello to the others, although they rushed through their greetings so they could go see Chris. Had they been rushing off to greet anyone else Buck would’ve been upset, his abandonment issues making themselves known, but it was his son, a part of himself that he loved seeing his family fawn over. 

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to take my Grandson off of you.” Bobby said, a faux seriousness in his voice, taking Chris from Eddie and holding him close. 

As Bobby fussed over his Grandson (no one had seen any point in pretending that Bobby wasn’t pretty much Buck’s Dad, and he’d thrown himself into the role of Grandad without hesitation), Eddie came over to Buck and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him into his side, the pair of them watching their little family. 

“So, what did you two get up to today?” He asked before placing a kiss on Buck’s birthmark.

Buck let out a content hum, closing his eyes as he relaxed into Eddie, “I needed to do a grocery run so we had a little adventure to the store and then a nap.” 

“Chris had a nap or you had a nap?” 

Buck groaned affectionately following it up with a chuckle, “It might have been both of us, but you can’t prove it.” 

“Well, given how curly your hair is looking right now I think it’s safe to say you had a nap.” 

“Alright, alright, you caught me, we both had a nap.” 

Buck and Eddie were both anxious about leaving Chris for the first time, but Carla had been with them for two months and it was finally time for them to let Chris have time with just her. 

Buck was going to slowly start back at work, going part time, but that was still a week away, Carla advising that he starts out just doing things on his own so he could get used to Chris being with her rather than him before he lept back into work. 

So Buck said goodbye to Carla and Chris one Saturday morning whilst Eddie was at work, and headed out for the day. 

He’d been anxious at first, definitely having separation anxiety, so he forced himself to do something he knew he’d be able to get lost in. 

He hadn’t been surfing since the ladder truck so he decided to head down to the beach and get back in the saddle (or on the board he supposed), chucking his kit in the Jeep and heading out. 

The weather was perfect and the waves were amazing as he let his mind clear, the only things that existed were him, his board and the waves. So once he’d gotten used to the prosthetic it felt just like old times. 

Unfortunately he tired faster than he used to so he surfed one more wave and then headed back to shore, drying off and changing into jeans and a tee with a shirt over top before heading to the pier to grab some food. 

He wandered through the different games and rides, checking out the different food stalls. When he spotted some firefighters responding to a guy in a mascot costume he felt a small tug of sadness in his chest as he watched them work, he missed that. But he’d be back soon enough, he reminded himself, and the reason he’d taken a break was worth it, it outweighed the sadness ten fold. 

Buck eventually grabbed himself a corn dog and leant against the railing of the pier, watching the ocean as he ate, the breeze rustling through his sea salt curled hair. 

His thoughts were filled with Chris and Eddie, worrying if Chris was okay (not because he didn’t trust Carla but simply because he was a Dad and this was the longest he’d been apart from his son since he’d been born), and worrying if Eddie was okay (he’d always have his back, he’d had it in Afghanistan, he had it at the 118, but right now he wasn’t there and it scared him, who had his back if it wasn’t Buck?). 

He closed his eyes and inhaled the salty air, taking in the sounds around him, the chatter of people, the sound of the rides, the music that played from speakers around the pier and a… sucking sound? 

And then there was the voice of a young boy, “Where did all the water go?” 

Buck’s eyes snapped open, the water had receded and the ocean floor was in full view, there was only one thing it could be…

Tsunami. 

He wasn’t an expert by any means but he knew the basics, having done some research into it back when he first moved to LA, making sure he knew how to react to the plethora of natural disasters that threatened the city. 

So he knew he had to get to high ground or into a high building, but he could see the wave rushing forward now, he didn’t have time to get high enough. 

Buck turned and ran, he ran as fast as his legs could carry him (god he wished he’d worn his blade today), he had to survive this, he had a husband and son at home, he couldn’t leave them, not like this. So instead of running from the wave he ran to Chris and Eddie, the thought of them spurring him on. 

He briefly glanced over his shoulder, trying to see how far off it was only to find it right at his back. Thankfully he’d gotten to one of the stalls so he jumped it and hunkered down in the hopes that it might save him, he highly doubted it would, it was a hail mary at best, but he wasn’t going to give up, he had a family to think about. 

Buck felt the impact of the wave shatter the wood at his back and sweep him away. He tried to swim to the surface but he couldn’t tell which way was up or down, the waves buffeting him around. He flailed around, he refused to lay down and die, he couldn’t give in to the waves, not whilst there was still breath in his lungs and energy in his muscles, not whilst there was a husband and baby at home who needed him. 

He managed to break the surface of the water, gasping for air. The water still rushed along at a great speed so he grabbed onto the heavy duty string lights that were in reach, hanging on for dear life. He frantically looked around, trying to get his bearings, trying to see if there was somewhere safe he could get to. 

And then he saw it, a fire truck. 

Suddenly he heard someone yelling for help, he looked around and spotted a young girl being dragged along by the current, Buck didn’t even need to think, he let go of the lights and managed to traverse the water and debris until he reached her, grabbing onto her and taking her over to the fire truck. By some miracle he managed to cling onto her and then get them both out of the water, exhausting himself with the effort but thankfully they were both alive. 

Once he was sure they were safely on the truck Buck was finally able to stop and catch his breath, laying on his back, gasping for air. But after a moment he sat up, looking over at the kid who was balling her eyes out, understandably terrified after everything that had just happened. 

“Hey, hey,” Buck shushed, rubbing her arms in the hopes of offering some comfort, “What’s your name sweetpea?” 

“F- Frankie.” She managed to get out between sobs. 

“Hey Frankie, my name’s Buck.” He kept his voice soft, “Can you tell me how old you are?” 

“Seven.” 

Buck had to school his expression, not wanting to let the fear and horror at how young this kid was show, “Wow, seven? You’re a really big girl, huh?” She nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, “Well, I’m twenty-seven, looks like we both have sevens in our ages.” 

“Yeah.” Her voice was timid but her tears seemed to be slowing.

“And who did you come to the beach with?” It was an important question as he needed to gauge the situation but unsurprisingly it brought the tears back in full force, “Hey, hey, it’s okay sweetheart, it’s okay.” She flung herself into his arms so he held onto her tightly, rubbing her back, “Can you tell me who you came with?” 

“M-m- my mummy.” Buck’s heart broke at that, the chances were her Mum hadn’t survived the wave, the fact that the both of them had made it was a miracle, but people only got so lucky, “Did you come with your mummy?” She managed to ask. 

“No, I didn’t, she’s having a girls day with my little sister.” He explained. Athena had become like a Mum to him in the same way Bobby had become his Dad, and he wasn’t about to bring Margaret Buckley into this conversation when he’s trying to comfort a kid.

“Did you come with your Daddy then?” 

“No, my Daddy’s at work today.” 

Frankie pulled back, looking up at Buck, “You came by yourself?” She sounded shocked.

Buck couldn’t help but smile at her, “Yeah, I did.”

“Why?” 

Buck was more than happy to answer her questions, keeping her focused on him rather than the bodies he’d started noticing floating by, “Well my husband is at work, he works with my Daddy and me, and my son is with his carer, so I decided to go surfing.”

Her eyes lit up at that, “You surf?” 

Buck nodded, “Yeah, I do.” 

Suddenly he heard multiple voices screaming out for help, multiple people being washed towards them by the wave that was still rushing inland. 

“Hey, Frankie? Can you be a big brave girl and stay here for me whilst I go and help those people?” He asked, getting a hesitant nod in response, “Good, that’s good. I promise I won’t go far.” 

It felt like a gargantuan task helping so many people, but in the end he rigged up a hose so that people could pull themselves along it and get to the safety of the fire truck. 

But finally he got everyone and climbed back onto the engine, running a hand down his face as he took deep breaths. 

When he pulled his hand away he found blood coating it, he felt dread creeping down his spine. Head wounds were always bleeders he reminded himself, but that didn’t make it any less worrying. 

Buck looked up to see one of the men he’d rescued looking between his face and his blood covered hand, “Is it bad?” He managed to croak out, the guy simply nodded in response. 

Thankfully an older woman stepped in, she was clearly a Mum, the way she gently took hold of his face and manoeuvred it so she could get a proper look at the injury proof enough, “Bless you, head wounds always bleed a lot.” She tutted a little, still inspecting his face, “You’ve got three big, nasty cuts but it’s nothing to be worried about. Once we’re rescued they’ll need a good clean and then you’ll be good as new.” 

He smiled at her, “Thanks.” 

She gently patted his cheek and gave him a warm smile. 

Buck went back to sit with Frankie again, having made it his mission to look after the kid and make sure she got out of here in one piece. The two of them played eye spy and chatted about Frankie’s favorite television show. 

He didn’t know how long they’d been there for but all of a sudden the water began rushing back with great force. Buck felt the engine shake with it but thankfully it wasn’t dislodged although they did all wobble, hunkering down so they stayed on top. 

Buck looked over at Frankie, the young girl looking panicked and unsure of how to respond to the shuddering vehicle, so Buck went to grab a hold of her but he was too late, the small girl falling over the edge and into the water. Without even thinking Buck dived in after her, he wasn’t going to let a kid die, he had to get her. 

He swam for what felt like a lifetime, feeling like all energy had been leached from his body, but he hadn’t found Frankie so he couldn’t stop now, he couldn’t give in to the exhaustion that was already settling in his bones. 

And then the water stopped and he was back on solid ground, only to find himself walking for another lifetime, energy that he didn’t know he had left slowly leaving his body as he spoke to everyone he saw, asking them if they’d seen a little girl with long, brown french braids and a purple top on, but no one had seen her. 

He went from group to group, relief centre to relief centre, anywhere and everywhere his tired legs would take him. On more than a few occasions his knees buckled but he kept pushing, because he was a Dad and even though this kid wasn’t his own she was someone’s and he didn’t want her father to lose her as well as his wife, he had to get her home safe. So everytime his knees gave out he'd push himself back up and stagger along, because if he stopped now he wasn’t getting back up any time soon, if ever. 

Buck had lost track of time hours ago, all he knew was that it was night time now and it had been mid day when the wave hit, other than that he didn’t know. It could’ve been ten pm or five am for all he knew, but the only thing that mattered was finding Frankie. 

It was still dark out when he stumbled into the VA hospital, first responders were bustling about, treating the survivors who’d been injured in the disaster. 

Buck found a paramedic, he didn’t recognise her, she wasn’t from a house near the 118, but she was a paramedic nonetheless, “Excuse me.” He said, hobbling over to her, “I’m looking for a kid. Her name’s Frankie, she’s wearing a purple top, brown french braids that come to just past her shoulders. Have you seen her?” He was so fucking desperate, he didn’t know how many more times he could push through. 

She gave him a sympathetic smile, “No, I haven’t, sorry sir.” And then she rushed off to help the next person who needed her. 

Buck felt like he was about to cry, only he didn’t have the energy and he was pretty sure he was too dehydrated considering he hadn’t drunk anything since before the wave. 

Buck decided to find another first responder and ask them, it’s not like the paramedic he’d just spoken to would know every single person who was there. But as he stumbled on a mail truck pulled in, and as if by some miracle Frankie was lifted out by a young man. 

“Frankie? Frankie!” He called out, making his way over to her and the young man.

“Mr Buck!” She called back. 

“Oh, thank God you’re okay.” 

“Is she your kid?” The guy asked.

Buck shook his head, “No, no, we met in the initial wave,” His brain was starting to feel like mush, all of the adrenalin that was keeping him going leaving his body, “I was trying to keep her safe un-until help a-a-arrived, but she was, uh, she got lost when the waters re-”

“Buck?” He knew that voice, why did he know that voice? His brain too muddy and jumbled to make sense of it, but he managed to force his body to turn towards the sound, “Buck! Oh my god, Buck!” Suddenly there were arms around him and his knees gave out, causing him to collapse into the person holding him who gently lowered him to the floor with them. 

There were more voices around him but he couldn’t make heads nor tails of them, all of the sound jumbling into one. Suddenly someone was forcing one of his eyes open and shining a light into it, doing the same with the other. Not once did the talking stop, the people sounding frantic at first but calming down as time went on. 

Then he felt himself being lifted up and moved, only to be put down again, the arms that had been holding him disappearing. Buck let out a low whine when the arms left, they felt warm and safe, he wanted them back.

He felt a hand tangle in his hair, scratching his scalp, another holding onto one of his own hands. 

Another set of hands gently held his chin, rotating his head whilst something wet was smoothed along his face in soft strokes. 

Buck was too tired to try and figure out what was going on, he wasn’t even sure if he was awake or not, so he just lay there as hands gently touched him. Finally he felt a slight prick in his arm and then all of the hands minus the one in his hair and the one holding his disappeared. 

The day had been carnage to put it mildly, if he’d thought the earthquake had been bad then this was positively biblical. He was just glad Buck wasn’t here, his husband had such a big heart that he doubted he’d be able to handle all of the death and destruction. He would be fine whilst they were working but he knew that as soon as the uniform came off Buck would shut down and dissolve into the grief. 

So that was the one consolation of his day. 

Or it had been, until he stepped out of the VA hospital and into the external triage area and spotted… “Buck?” It couldn’t be. Surely it wasn’t Buck. But the figure was wearing the same thing Buck had had on that morning before Eddie left for work, and the way his hair curled was the same as Buck’s when it was wet from sea water, the salt causing it to dry in a very specific way. 

The figure turned, the movements slow, like the person wasn’t quite in control. He held his breath, really hoping that they’d turn and it wouldn’t be Buck, that the love of his life wasn’t caught in this hell. But the face that greeted him was one he’d had memorised for years, although now the face was covered in blood, three long cuts decorating it. Eddie hadn’t seen Buck covered in that much blood since Afghanistan, it made him feel sick. 

But there he was, Buck, his Buck, eyes glassy, face blank, “Buck! Oh my god, Buck!” He ran to him as he watched the other man’s knees go weak. Eddie managed to grab onto Buck just as he began to slowly descend to the floor, easing him down the rest of the way. 

“Buck? Evan? Come on man, talk to me!” Eddie begged but he got no response, Buck’s glassy eyes ghosting over his face but clearly not processing anything. “Hen! Chimney!” He yelled out, knowing the two paramedics weren’t far behind him. 

“Take her inside to get checked out.” He heard Hen saying, probably talking to the man and the kid Buck had been with, but he didn’t care, all he cared about was Buck, who’s eyes had slipped shut.

“Evan, Evan, please, I need you to open your eyes for me, come on man.” But he didn’t get any response. 

Hen crouched down in front of Buck, opening each of his eyes and shining her pen light into them as Eddie kept begging Buck to acknowledge him, to give him some sign that he was still in there, not just the hollow shell that’d collapsed into his arms. 

“No concussion.” Hen concluded before giving him a slightly more in depth once over, “He’s severely dehydrated and I’d bet good money on exhaustion as well.”

“Let’s get him onto a bed,” Chim said, “Then we can sort all these cuts out so they don’t get infected.” Hen and Chim then both looked to Eddie, “Can you carry him to that free cot?” 

Eddie nodded and stood with Buck in his arms, carrying him over to the bed Chimney had pointed out. He placed him down gently but as soon as he removed his arms so he could get Buck situated in a more comfortable position the unconscious man let out a whine that broke Eddie’s heart. It was a sound he’d heard out of the other man before but it was very rare, it only came out when he was sick or hurt, and it was something he couldn’t control, the sound would just fall out of him. 

Eddie wove his fingers into Buck’s hair and scratched his scalp in the way he knew the other man loved, gripping onto Buck’s hand that was closest to him, whispering reassurances on a loop whilst Hen and Chim ran a more thorough check up. 

It was as Hen began to slowly clean the cuts on Buck’s face whilst Chim stitched up a deep cut on his arm that Bobby appeared, immediately processing who it was his team were working on. 

“We just found him here,” Eddie explained, filling Bobby in without even being asked, “He collapsed as soon as we got to him.” Eddie sniffled but he couldn’t let go of Buck so he let the tears flow freely, “He didn’t even recognise me.” 

Bobby knelt down in front of Eddie and gently wiped the tears from his face for him, “We’ve got him now, okay? We’ve got him and we’re gonna look after him and make sure he’s safe.” Eddie nodded as he watched tears fall down Bobby’s face as well. 

After a few more minutes Chimney got Buck set up with an IV and fluids, and Buck was all taken care of, everyone removing their hands from him other than Eddie. 

They all sat around in silence for what felt like a lifetime but was probably only about five minutes when Buck began to move, specifically his left leg. The whole team were extremely familiar with what that leg movement meant, he only shuffled in this particular way when his leg was aggravating him, and considering the amount of moving he’d been doing they wouldn’t be surprised if his prosthetic was causing him irritation. 

Eddie gently let go of Buck’s hand and untangled his fingers from his hair, that same low whine leaving Buck. It hurt to hear but Eddie would return to the exact same position soon enough, but before that could happen he had to sort Buck’s leg out. 

He moved around the bed, Hen shuffling out of the way so Eddie could kneel down and roll Buck’s pant leg up, he gently removed the prosthetic and accompanying layers to find the stump aggravated and red from all of the abuse it must’ve taken. 

“Oh Buck.” He sighed, softly ghosting the pad of his thumb over the irritated skin, “That’s got to hurt.” 

“I’ll handle it.” Hen told him, “I’ve got some cream that should help.” 

Eddie went to sit by Buck’s head again but he changed his mind pretty quickly, instead lifting Buck’s upper body so he could sit and rest his husband's head in his lap, gently massaging and scratching his scalp. 

Bobby had grabbed onto Buck’s hand, the one Eddie had been holding earlier, whilst Chimney sat with his back against the side of the bed, head resting back so he was in contact with Buck’s side, Hen sat by his legs, gently massaging cream into the aggravated skin, all of them in physical contact with Buck as he lay there. 

Eventually relief crews arrived and Buck was in a good enough condition that Hen and Chim were happy to let him go home with Eddie. 

“Buckaroo?” Hen gently tapped his face, “Rise and shine.” When he still didn’t respond she decided to say to hell with it and went straight in for the sternal rub which did elicit a reaction from him, his eyes fluttering open. 

His eyes were still glassy and he was clearly exhausted but he was awake and looked marginally more aware than he had when Eddie had first found him, that was something at least. 

“Evan,” Eddie said, using his partner’s first name due to the severity of the situation, “We need to get up so we can go and see Chris and get some proper rest, okay?” A small grumble rumbled out of Buck’s chest as Eddie slowly helped him sit up. 

Eddie crouched down in front of him and softly put his leg back on for him. Buck had flopped forward, his forehead resting against the top of Eddie’s head as he worked. 

It wasn’t a hard task getting Buck prepped to stand, Eddie was an expert at getting the leg on and off after all this time that it was practically second nature. 

Once he was done Eddie stood and then slowly pulled Buck to his feet, the latter wobbling, knees already trying to give out again. Eddie quickly swooped in and threaded an arm under Buck’s knees, lifting him into a bridal carry. 

Buck was pliant, too tired to resist or help, Eddie having full control as he carried him to the 118s engine so they could all head to the station and then home from there. 

As they drove back Eddie finally called Carla, apologising profusely for leaving her in the dark and explaining everything that had happened. 

And because Carla was an absolute angel she insisted he not worry and made it abundantly clear that she was more than happy to have spent all this extra time with Chris, especially now she knew both of his father’s were safe. 

As Eddie got Buck out of the car the front door opened to reveal Carla who’d heard them pulling into the driveway. 

She hurried outside and helped Eddie get Buck into the house. 

“Thank you so much.” Eddie’s voice was full of sincerity. 

Carla sent him a soft smile, “None of that now, this is what I’m here for, and I knew things like this would happen when I signed up to be your aid, you’re firefighters after all.” 

Eddie smiled back at her, “You’re a god send.” 

They crossed the threshold, Eddie ready to take Buck to their room only for Carla to steer them towards the bathroom. “He could use a bath so he’s more comfortable.” She explained.

Eddie was hesitant, “I don’t think he’s quite alert enough to bath himself.” 

“Honey, bathing others is a huge part of my job. I’ll help, or at least talk you through it if you think he’d be more comfortable with just you touching him.” When it looked like Eddie was going to protest she spoke again, “I know you hired me to look after Chris but I’m here for all of you.” 

Carla and Eddie lowered Buck onto the ground opposite the bath, back leaning against the wall, “You go get him some comfy clean clothes and I’ll start on getting this bath run.” 

With a nod Eddie left the room. 

Carla put the plug in the bath and began running the water, playing around with the tap until she found a good, comfortable temperature. 

“Are you with me Buckaroo?” She asked, kneeling in front of the other man. His eyes slowly blinked open with a sleepy hum, “Look at those baby blues.” She cupped a hand to his cheek, stroking his cheekbone with her thumb, “Do you want me to help Eddie get you cleaned up or do you just want him?” 

“Eddie.” He mumbled, eyes flickering around a bit but he ultimately closed them again. 

“Okay, just Eddie then.” Even though he couldn’t see her she gave him a sweet smile. 

It didn’t take Eddie long to return with sweatpants and a top, an LAFD sweater and a fuzzy slipper sock to complete the mix. 

He set the clothes down on the toilet seat before waking Buck up, “Alright buddy, let’s get cleaned up and then we can get some proper sleep, but I need you to be awake and cooperative for me, okay?” 

Buck nodded so he and Carla stripped him out of his salt and blood covered clothes until he was just in his boxers. Eddie then removed his leg and put it to one side. Carla hadn’t known Buck was an amputee, it’d never come up in conversation, but ever the professional she didn’t bat an eye. 

“He just wants you, alright? The water’s pretty shallow so just have him sit up and use a sponge.” She explained, “I’ll grab a jug from the kitchen so you can get his hair sorted and then I’ll leave you two to it.” 

“Thank you.” Eddie said, standing and then carrying Buck to the bath, gently setting him down in the water. 

It was slow going, Eddie taking his time to scrub off the salt, muck and blood whilst avoiding the spots Hen and Chim had patched up. He chatted away aimlessly to fill the silence, telling Buck all about a mundane rescue he’d worked the week before. 

There was something intimate about Eddie gently clearing the mud from under and around Buck’s nails, his partner’s face buried in his neck and letting out the occasional sniffle. Eddie’s hands were gentle as he worked, remaining vigilant of all the places Buck had been hurt, especially the nasty bruises that had developed from all the obstacles and debris he’d been thrown into whilst in the water. 

Buck’s hair was the hardest part unsurprisingly, this whole time he’d been able to avoid Buck’s head and face, Hen having already cleared his face of grime when she tended to the three large cuts that would most certainly scar, but now his salt crusted curls needed cleaning, dried blood, dirt and small bits of debris matted in amongst the dirty, mousey blonde strands. 

Eddie gently eased Buck’s head back so he was looking at the ceiling, tipping water over his hair, doing his best to avoid getting his face wet. 

Buck inhaled a sharp, panicked breath as the water hit his head, his whole body tensing up, “Hey, hey, you’re okay,” Eddie soothed, “I need you to be brave for a few more minutes man, and then we can get out and dry you off.” Buck could only whimper in response as Eddie began to massage shampoo into his scalp, the scent of cedar wood and clove reaching his nose and calming him somewhat. 

“More water now.” Eddie warned him, slowly rinsing the shampoo out with a small and steady stream of water, “Good, good, that’s real good buddy. Keep breathing for me.” It took a while but eventually the shampoo was out, ideally he’d want to do a second round of it but considering he still needed to condition Buck’s hair he was certain that’d be too much stress for one night. 

Finally they were done, all of the grime gone from Buck’s body. 

Eddie lifted him out of the bath and sat him on the edge, methodically drying Buck off and getting him changed. The pair didn’t need to speak as they worked together to dress Buck, so intrinsically linked to one another that even in his barely awake state Buck knew exactly what he needed to do to help Eddie. It also meant the pair of them didn’t need to speak to confirm that they wouldn’t put Buck’s leg back on, although Eddie did take the time to massage some cream into his stump to hopefully help with the irritation. 

The pair of sweats Buck was wearing had been slightly cropped on the left leg so it was all still covered but far less needed to be rolled up for Buck to access his leg should he need to or so there wasn’t too much excess fabric in the way if he had the prosthetic off. It was also useful now as it meant Eddie could tuck it up and out of the way with ease so it didn’t stick to the cream as it soaked in and cause Buck sensory hell. 

Once he was dressed he lifted Buck up to carry him through to their room. Usually Buck would either just hop along with Eddie’s help or grab his crutches and use those so he could traverse the house independently but Buck was in no state to get himself around, too exhausted to even keep his eyes open let alone make his way to their room. 

So Eddie began to bridle carry him through to their room only for Buck to speak up, his voice slightly muffled from being buried in the crook of Eddie’s neck, but Eddie heard him all the same. 

“Wanna see Chris.” 

“How about we get you into bed and I’ll bring him through?” Eddie suggested, he knew Buck needed to see his son but there was nowhere comfortable for him to settle in the nursery in his current state. 

When they got to their room the sheets had already been pulled back and the only lights illuminating the room were the lamps on the bedside tables. 

On Buck’s side of the bed there was a piping hot mug of tea and some crackers on the table and Chris’ crib, with aforementioned infant sleeping inside, clearly Carla had already set him up for them. 

Buck pulled the covers over himself and nestled into it. He stuck one hand out and reached through the bars of the crib so he could gently stroke the back of his fingers down Chris’ cheek. He hummed contently as the infant reached out and gripped Buck’s index finger, he gently closed his hand and used his thumb to lightly stroke the back of his son’s hand. 

Once he was certain Buck was settled Eddie slipped out of the room to find Carla who was sitting at the kitchen table. She looked up from her phone when she heard him enter the room and then put it down on the table, “How is he?” She asked. 

“He needs a lot of sleep and probably a lot of therapy.” He looked down at his hands that he’d rested, clasped, on the table. 

“And how’re you?” 

“Need a lot of sleep and probably a lot of therapy.” He tried to joke, but it fell flat. Eddie dropped his head with a sigh before looking back up at Carla, “I’m fucking shit,” He eventually said, “I mean, the tsunami was bad enough, you know, I haven’t seen anything that bad before, not even in Afghanistan. But seeing Buck at the VA hospital when I thought he was somewhere safe, somewhere further inland, was one of the scariest things I’d ever seen, only really topped by the ladder truck bombing.” 

“That’s how he lost his leg, isn’t it?” Carla asked, her voice soft. 

Eddie let out a sad, watery laugh, “Yep, and I was the one who cut it off.” He briefly dropped his head into his hands but looked up at Carla again quickly, “When that happened, he was the one who decided we needed to do a field amputation, he’d gotten himself into SEAL mode, you know, and there was no fear on his face. But this time? When he turned around his eyes were all glassy and you could tell he wasn’t processing anything around him,” Eddie sniffled and wiped his eyes, “That was even scarier than fear would’ve been.” Carla reached out and took his hands in hers to offer some comfort, “And then he collapsed. Dehydration and exhaustion it was. I think if he hadn’t made it to the VA hospital when we did he could’ve died out there.” Eddie couldn’t stop the sobs that began to rack his body, “It’s the most scared I’ve ever been.” 

Carla released his hands and came around the table, pulling him into her arms, “I’ve got you, I’ve got you, come on, let it out.” She ran a soothing hand up and down his back as he cried into his shoulder, “That’s it, there we go.” 

As his cries slowed to a stop she pulled back, “I think you should get changed and go to bed, you’ve had a long day too, and it won’t do anybody any good if you also keel over from exhaustion.” She encouraged him. 

Eddie nodded, only now remembering he was still in full uniform and also grimey. 

“Thank you so much, I don’t know what we would’ve done without you.” 

The pair said their goodbyes and Eddie went for a quick shower. Once he was clean he headed through to the bedroom and chucked on some night clothes before sliding into bed besides Buck who still had his arm in the crib. 

Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck, his chest pressed against Buck’s back so that they were as close together as possible. His hand rested on Buck’s heart, the steady thump calming him as he pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck and then let himself fall asleep. 

Buck took an extra month off to give himself time to physically and mentally recover from the tsunami but eventually he was back. The cuts on his face had healed into prominent scars, white lines that were red around the edges proof of how fresh they were, the same with the one on his arm that Chim had stitched up. 

“Look who’s home!” Chim cheered, stood at the railing to the loft as he watched Buck and Eddie walk into the station side by side. 

“Hey.” Buck waved up at Chimney, “Let me get changed and then I’ll be up to say hello.” 

Buck got changed in record time, bounding up the stairs as soon as he was done. Hen, Chim and Bobby were all gathered at the kitchen island, turning as soon as Buck reached the top with a loud “Surprise!”, revealing the cake they’d gotten him for his first day back. 

Buck put a hand over his heart, “Aw, you guys, you shouldn’t have.” 

“It’s not everyday someone comes back from paternity leave and medical leave because they got stuck in a fucking tsunami.” 

“Chim!” Hen hissed, elbowing him. 

“What, it’s true.” 

Buck couldn’t help but laugh at their antics, he’d missed this. Of course he’d seen them plenty since becoming a stay at home Dad but it wasn’t the same as the on shift banter.

Bobby got a knife out and handed it to Buck, “Will you do the honours?” 

Buck took the knife with a smile and began slicing the cake into even-ish slices and dishing them out. 

Obviously cake led to the arrival of more of A-shift, summoned by the sweet treat, all of them grabbing a plate and welcoming Buck back. 

“Buckley.” Buck turned to see who’d called his name to find Lena Bosko walking towards him. When Buck had first gone on leave they’d had a series of floaters filling his spot but after the tsunami Bosko stepped in whilst she waited for station 136 to reopen. 

“Bosko, hey.” Whenever he came to visit the station with Chris Bosko was there so he’d gotten to know her, not super well but they were on good terms with each other and she’d made it extremely clear she wasn’t there as his replacement, just cover. Eddie had told her about Buck’s inferiority complex and self esteem issues, so she’d made an effort to clear the air before anything turned sour. “You getting any cake?” He asked her, holding his plate up a little. 

“Nah, red velvet’s weird, it’s named after a colour and a fabric, like, what flavour even is it?” 

Buck laughed at that, “It’s a combination of chocolate and vanilla, a perfect blend, you just also chuck a bunch of food colouring in it.” He then gave her his best puppy dog eyes, “Won’t you try a little bit? It’s my first day back… Besides, it's Bobby’s and he makes an amazing red velvet.” 

She threw her hands up in mock surrender, “Alright, alright, if you insist.” Buck put his plate down, and then put a slice on a plate and handed it over to Bosko with a fork. 

But before he could keep chatting with her Athena appeared at the top of the stairs, “I’ll grab you later.” He told her, she looked over her shoulder to see who’d caught Buck’s attention. 

“Say hi to your mum for me.” She said, all nonchalant, which made Buck splutter, “Sorry, Stepmum.” She corrected. 

Buck began to tell her that Athena was neither but he stopped as soon as the woman in question reached him and opened her arms, pulling him into a hug, “Hello baby, happy first day back.” 

Bosko raised an eyebrow at him that sarcastically said ‘if you say so’ and backed off, going to talk to Eddie. Buck, however, didn’t notice as he was too busy greeting Athena. He squeezed her hard and picked her up, making her laugh, “Hey Thena.” If anyone else had lifted her like that she would not have been happy, but this was Buck and now that he’d wormed his way into her heart as long as he wasn’t breaking the law she’d let him get away with almost anything. “Cake?” He asked once her feet were on solid ground again, “It’s Bobby’s red velvet and buttercream.” 

“Well, I can’t say no to that.” Buck dished up a slice of it and handed it over to her before picking his own plate up again, “So, first day back at work? How’re you feeling about being away from your little boy?” She asked once she’d eaten some of the cake. 

“Honestly? Mixed feelings. Like, it’s amazing to be back but I also want him here with me, you know? It feels weird knowing he’s not just in another room or having him with me on my chest.” 

Athena chuckled at him, “I was the same with my two, you’ll settle into this next stage though, just give it time.” 

“What if I don’t want to settle into this next stage?” He asked, face flushing as he lowered his voice. 

Athena grabbed his elbow and gently steered him off to one side, she then took his plate from him and put it down with hers on the nearby table, “What do you mean?” There was no judgment in her voice. 

“I don’t know Athena, just- part of me is thinking about whether or not I’m ready to come back to work? Whether I want to come back to work at all.” He admitted. 

Athena analysed him for a second, “And what part of you is that?” Buck cocked his head to the side, looking confused, “I mean, what’s making you question this? Is it a want to be with your son, a want to be a stay at home Dad? Is it a fear of coming back after everything that’s changed? A fear of not being with Christopher all the time? Or is this because of the tsunami?” 

“I- I don’t know.” 

Athena placed a gentle hand on his cheek, “And that’s okay. It’s your first day back and you haven’t even had your first call. Try this new normal, and if you realise that you’ve changed so much that you want to go back to being a stay at home Dad then do it, we’d all understand, children change a lot of things. But it can be scary coming back to a career after so much change, so it very well might just be first day nerves. Neither are wrong, and both are extremely valid, but you need to give yourself time, okay?” Buck nodded, taking in her words, “Regardless of what path you take we’ve all got your back, hm?”

“Thanks Thena.” He pulled her into another hug, squeezing her as tight as possible. 

She held him back, “That’s alright baby.” Athena then pulled back and gave him a very serious look, “Which reminds me, all three of you Buckley-Diaz boys better be coming to the barbecue at the weekend, I’m not missing the chance to spoil my grandbaby rotten.” 

Buck let out a loud and bright laugh followed by a cheeky, “Yes Mum, we’ll all be there.” 

She nodded her head, satisfied, “Good. Now shoo, it may be your first day back but I’m certain Bobby’s got chores for you to do regardless.” 

Of course his first day back wasn’t a Q-word day, it was a trial by fire, quite literally. 

About an hour into the shift the tones went and the 118 were heading to a fire in an affluent LA neighbourhood, nothing but mansions in sight. 

The affected house wasn’t hard to miss, even though it was set far back from the street, large gates encompassing the property which was packed with foliage, the dark smoke billowing into the sky was a dead giveaway. 

“Buck,” Bobby called over the headset, “I need you to put the gate code in.”

“Roger that Cap.” Buck hopped out of the engine as he was closest to the door. 

“Dispatch said it’s three-eight-seven-one.” Buck keyed in the numbers Bobby told him and the gate began to swing open. Buck jumped back into the engine and in no time at all they’d made it to the house. 

Flames licked out of multiple windows, and as bad as it was, the sight filled Buck with excitement. They didn’t get calls to fires as often as most would think (considering the job title was literally fire fighter) so the fact that his first call back was a large house fire was exhilarating. 

They all hopped out of the engine as Bobby yelled orders, everyone immediately getting to it so they could get the fire under control as soon as possible. 

“Buck, Eddie, Bosko, Cairney.” Bobby called out, the four jogging over to him as he wasn’t far enough that it was worth the radio chatter, “Get your BA gear on, you’re going in. Buck, Eddie, you’re sweeping the first floor, Bosko, Cairney, you’re sweeping the second. Whoever finishes first takes the attic.” He ordered, the four firefighters nodding along before heading off to the engine and gearing up. 

“You’ve hardly been back an hour and you’re already running into a burning building,” Eddie chuckled as he strapped his oxygen tank to his back, “You lucky fucker.” 

Buck gave him a toothy grin, “Jealous much?” 

Eddie quickly looked around, when he was certain no one could see them, he quickly pulled Buck in for a kiss, “You’re a smug bastard.” He then slipped his gas mask on and attached his air supply valve, Buck following suit. They both chucked their helmets on and then jogged off, ready to work. 

“Buckley and Diaz heading in now.” Buck reported over the radio as he and Eddie stepped over the threshold. 

“Roger that,” Came Bobby’s reply, “Godspeed boys. Keep us in the loop.” 

They methodically worked through each room, perfectly in sync, just like they always were, as if Buck hadn’t been away for months on end. Working together like this was second nature, they’d met under fire in a war zone so wading through a literal fire together was a familiar sensation. 

“Eddie!” Buck called out, grabbing the other man’s attention, “I’ve got a library here!” 

The room was massive with a high ceiling, it was like something out of a fantasy book. The room had four two story high walls covered in dark wooden bookcases full to bursting, only broken up by a series of glass doors that looked out on the sprawling backyard and a fireplace. The floor was hardwood with a stunning rug marking out a sitting area in front of the fireplace, with a couch and two armchairs made with matching silk brocade and complimentary lamps. There were even wooden ladders that were attached to brass railings so the owners could reach any and all books without hassle. 

It was also on fire. 

Buck was pretty sure it wasn’t the origin of the fire but considering everything in the room was flammable (and already on fire) it was one of the most dangerous parts of the house. 

“Fucking hell.” Eddie breathed out, appearing over Buck’s shoulder, “That’s… Fuck.” He grabbed his radio, “Diaz to Nash.”

“Go ahead.”

“We’ve located a library with internal and external entrances. Two storeys high, highly combustible. Multiple external doors on the gamma wall, singular internal door, could really use an assist in getting this under control.” 

“Loud and clear Diaz. Sessengon, Andersen, Bassey, Jimenez, get yourself and your hoses to the external gamma wall now. Diaz, Buckley, continue sweeping.” 

“On it Cap.” Eddie replied as he stepped away, but Buck didn’t budge, “Buck?” Instead of getting a response Buck moved into the library, “Buck!” He didn’t stop, “Evan!” 

Eddie didn’t hesitate, following after Buck was always his first instinct. 

If the room had looked big from the doorway it looked even bigger from inside. Eddie had seen allsorts of homes in his line of work but never anything like this. It reminded him of when Buck had been fascinated by nineteenth century interior design, or the period and fantasy dramas they’d watch as guilty pleasures. 

As Buck headed further into the room Eddie went and threw open the patio doors. 

“Buckley to Wilson, I need medical on standby, I’ve located a victim, alive but unconscious, no visible injuries but definitely smoke inhalation.” Eddie looked over to see Buck throw someone over his shoulder, the pair then making eye contact. 

“We’re ready for you Buckley.” Hen’s voice crackled back through his radio. 

Eddie grabbed his own radio, stepping up to speak as Buck briefly adjusted the person over his shoulder, “Meet us at the external gamma wall.” 

Buck nodded at Eddie and Eddie nodded at Buck and then left, heading through the nearest patio door. 

Eddie waved Hen and Chim over to them as they ran around with the gurney, Buck meeting them halfway, lying the woman down for them before turning back to Eddie. 

None of them needed to talk, all necessary information given over the radio, so as soon as Buck had fully released the woman he and Eddie ran back into the house the same way they’d come out whilst Hen and Chim headed back around to the ambo. 

Almost as soon as Buck and Eddie stepped into the library they were hit by a shower of water, Sess and Andersen having reached them, Bassey and Jimenez a few seconds behind. 

They eventually made it to the final room, a massive kitchen which was probably as big as the apparatus bay at the station, “Holy fuck, why is everything in this house so big?” Buck asked, awe apparent in his voice.

“Rich arseholes.” Eddie grumbled. 

The kitchen was in relatively good condition, there was no smoke or fire in there, everything pristine and perfect. Saying that, now that they’d opened the door a thick wave of smoke came rolling in from the rest of the house, slowly encroaching on the place. 

“Buckley here, we’ve cleared the downstairs.” Buck reported as he and Eddie stepped out through the back door, pulling their helmets and gas masks off so they could inhale unbottled oxygen. 

“Alright, head up and sweep the attic for me.” Bobby replied. 

“Copy that Cap.” Buck then released his radio and turned to Eddie, “Ready for round two?” 

Eddie couldn’t help but let out a breathy exhale, “Of course.” He wiped the sweat from his forehead and then put his mask back on, followed by his helmet, Buck following his lead. 

The pair powered back into the house and made their way up to the attic. 

It was science that smoke rose, everyone knew that, and as firefighters Buck and Eddie had witnessed that basic fact of nature first hand more times then they could count, so it was unsurprising that the attic would yet again prove that point. But it’d been a long time since they’d seen the science play out this severely. 

The smoke was so thick that they couldn’t see each other even though they were within arms reach of one another. 

There wasn’t a single flame this high up, but there were enough gaps and entrances in the floor that the attic was blanketed in pure darkness as a result of the smoke. 

It took a while to sweep the floor as it was so large but eventually they were breaking out of the smoke and heading back out into the fresh air. Buck removed his helmet and mask, taking a deep breath, a huge smile overtaking his face. 

Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off of him, the way the sun shone down on his face making him light up, his hair appearing lighter in the golden hour glow. 

God he’d missed this. 

From there he got back into the swing of things with ease. Of course he was only working part time so he could look after Chris, no longer being rotated on for 24 or 48 hour shifts, although he did still work nights. But when he was working he couldn’t get enough of the rush, falling back into it with ease. 

And he’d still visit the firehouse when Eddie was working but he was off, bringing Chris along to see his Dad, Aunt, Uncle and Grandad, and if Athena knew they were at the 118 she’d make a point of swinging by to see her Grandson. 

“I’m telling you, I was being stalked by this crow.” Chim said, waving his hands around. 

“You’re being paranoid.” Eddie scoffed trying to wave it off, “Uncle Chimney’s being stupid, isn’t he?” Eddie then said, talking to Chris as he bounced his son in his lap, “Silly Uncle Chimney.” Chris clapped his hands in response, laughing, “See, Chris agrees with me.” 

“Are you really turning my nephew against me? In my hour of need? Jeez Diaz, I really thought better of you.”

“I don’t think it’s impossible that the crow is following you.” Buck said, taking a sip of his coffee, “Crows are smart, they’re great at recognising faces. But the fact that they’re following you isn’t necessarily a bad thing.” 

“How is it not a bad thing?” Chim hissed, “They’re bad omens!” 

“One for sorrow, one for joy, two for a girl, three for a boy.” 

Everyone looked at him, confused, but Hen was the one to voice their thoughts, “Buck… what in the ever loving fudge are you talking about?” Most of them had decided to avoid swearing in front of Chris, not wanting him to pick up cuss words so early on in life, hence the use of ‘fudge’. 

“You know, what the amount of magp- wait, shit, wrong bird, ignore me.” Buck however was not avoiding swear words. 

Everyone chuckled at that, even Chris joined in even though he didn’t understand what everyone found funny. 

Athena appeared at the top of the stairs, looking at the group on the couches, but putting all of her focus on Chris, “My favourite little boy is here.” She cooed, walking over to join everyone, taking Chris from Eddie and placing a big kiss on her Grandson’s chubby cheek. 

She sat down next to Buck as she said hello to everyone, but kept most of her focus on Chris. The small child reached out and grabbed onto the cord of Athena’s radio, trying to chew on it with his gums, “Oh sweetie, let’s not chew on Nanny’s radio.” She said as she unclipped her radio and handed it to Buck who put it on the coffee table in front of them. 

Suddenly the bell went, causing Chris to begin crying as everyone minus Buck and Athena stood. With a series of goodbyes everybody rushed into the apparatus bay, Bobby yelling orders as he rushed out of his office and into the engine. 

Athena shushed Chris, calming him as the tones stopped and the vehicles pulled out of the station. Thankfully he settled quickly, relaxing into Athena’s arms again. 

“It’s a Saturday so the food trucks are around the corner, do you fancy grabbing something for lunch?” She asked him.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” 

The weather was lovely and the pair would’ve liked to walk but they couldn’t just leave Athena’s cruiser at the firehouse so they made the quick drive and parked up by the five food trucks that were set up. 

They settled down at a table, each having grabbed a poke bowl, eating as Chris napped in his pram. 

“So, have you thought much more about our conversation?” She asked, not looking up from where she was focusing on getting a little bit of everything onto her fork.

“Our conversation?” Buck wasn’t quite sure he followed. 

She looked up at him, “About whether you want to keep working.” She clarified.

“Oh, right, uh, yeah, yeah, I have.” He smiled at her, “It was first day nerves, I’m really glad I’m back.” 

“I didn’t want to say anything but I knew that was the case.” He tilted her head at her quizzically, “You had to come to this conclusion yourself, I couldn’t just tell you how to feel.” She clarified with a chuckle. 

“Okay, yeah, that makes sense.” He smiled back at her before shoveling rice and avocado into his mouth. 

“You know, when I went back to work after having May I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but Micheal encouraged me to do it. He was able to work from home so he could look after her and I fell back into the swing of things immediately. It wasn’t that I was scared of going back, I was scared of not being with her, not knowing what she was doing at all times. But people like us,” She waved her fork between the two of them, “We’re built to be out here, we’re built to be first responders, so whilst we have a massive duty to our children, we also have a duty to ourselves and the people we serve, and we can have both. And I know we’re not exactly in the same situation, having a kid with CP adds extra considerations but you and Eddie have a wonderful system. So you can be out here, doing the work you were born to do and still raise your son to be the wonderful young man we all know he’ll be.” 

“Thanks, Thena.” Buck blushed a little at the compliment, “I just don’t want him to feel like we’re neglecting him so we can be firefighters.”

Athena scoffed loudly, “Neglect him? What part of any of this is anywhere close to neglect? You dote on that child, and lots of parents work full time whilst raising a child, it’s perfectly doable. Besides, you’re working part-time.” 

Buck looked over at his son who was sleeping peacefully, “But what if he doesn’t see it like that?” 

“Oh baby, he won’t, he’s going to see how loved he is, I promise you that.” 

When Eddie had gotten trapped in that well Buck felt like his whole world had collapsed with the mud, everything that made him Buck stuck with Eddie deep under the ground. Only when his partner surfaced did the colour come rushing back into his world, his own knees going weak as he caught Eddie who’d collapsed from exhaustion. 

The reason they were allowed to work together was because they were able to keep it professional in the field. In Buck’s mind that meant things like no PDA at work, not bringing any at home quarles on shift with them, that kinda thing, so he didn’t think anyone could blame him for reacting the way he did. 

It was Bobby who managed to get through to him in the end when Buck couldn’t break out of his panic and fear, trying to stave off the panic attack that threatened to over take every fiber of his being. He’d remembered how Buck had forced himself into his SEAL headspace during the ladder truck explosion, how he and Eddie had been able to focus on the task at hand and remove the emotions as soon as Buck enforced rank. So it looked like that was the logical way to handle this.  

“Chief Petty Officer Buckley, I need you to snap out of it.” Bobby commanded, the sudden intake of air from Buck was the cue Bobby needed to continue, clearly having taken the right course of action, “We’re not giving up on him so I need you to keep a cool head, is that clear?” 

Buck took a second to compose himself, clearing his throat briefly and taking a deep breath before he spoke, “Yes sir, crystal.” 

But in the end it’d been Eddie who saved himself, having managed to locate another tunnel that led to a pond not too far away from the well. 

When Eddie reached them all Buck had held onto him like a lifeline, as if he’d disappear the moment he let go of him, Eddie clinging on just as hard. Buck hadn’t been able to keep himself from crying, finally releasing the SEAL mentality Bobby had managed to get him into, “I thought I’d lost you.” 

“Hey, hey, I’m still here, I made it out.” Eddie told him, voice soft so only Buck could hear him, “We’re okay, we’re okay.” 

Buck pulled back and then reached out to undo Eddie’s helmet, removing it and the goggles before resting his forehead against his husbands, “You’re not allowed to make me a widower, you hear me?” 

“Loud and clear, man. But the same goes for you, alright?” 

Getting home that night had never felt better, Carla was in the lounge reading, turning to look at the door as she heard the keys in the lock. 

“Hello you two.” She greeted, putting her book down. 

“Hey Carla.” Buck said before turning to Eddie, “Go see Chris and then get ready for bed, okay? I’ll join you soon.” 

Eddie nodded and walked to his son’s room. Carla and Buck watched him go, but as soon as he was gone Buck’s shoulders sagged. He crumpled in on himself and dropped down onto the sofa, head in hands. 

Carla came to sit next to him, rubbing a hand along his back, “What happened?” She asked. 

Buck sniffled, “I almost lost him, I almost lost him Carla. He was buried and I couldn’t get to him.” 

She pulled him into her arms, “Oh Buckaroo, I’m so sorry.” 

They sat in silence for a moment, but Buck eventually spoke again, “I want to be mad at him. He cut his line because he hadn’t finished saving the kid yet, Chim went in and helped, but Eddie didn’t get up in time.” A small sob left his body, “He cut his line Carla, he cut it. And I want to be mad because it was stupid, we have a son to think about, but I can’t be because I would’ve done the exact same thing. I mean I literally put myself in danger during the tsunami so I could save some kid, I’ve been in his place, but fuck I could’ve lost him, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.” 

“But you didn’t lose him, that’s the important part. And he managed to save the kid. You succeeded and no one died, you’ve got to focus on that.” 

Once Buck had calmed down Carla headed home and he went through to Chris’ room where Eddie was lying in the recliner chair, his son resting on his chest. 

“Eddie?” Buck called out softly, when he didn’t get a response he tried again, “Eddie.” He quietly made his way over to his husband and son to find them both asleep. As much as he didn’t want to disturb him he didn’t really have a choice, so he picked Chris up, holding him against his side with one arm, the other lightly shaking Eddie’s shoulder, “Edmundo, time to get up.” 

Eddie’s eyes blinked open with a tired groan, “What time is it?” He mumbled. 

“A little after four. Go get into bed man, you need proper rest.” 

Eddie slowly got up. He pressed a kiss to Buck’s temple and then kissed Chris on the top of the head before heading to his own room. 

“What are we gonna do with your Daddy, huh? He’s got a big heart and no brain cells, isn’t that right?” He placed Chris down in his crib after giving him a quick kiss. 

He then left and made sure all the doors were locked and windows closed, checking the oven wasn’t on and switching off all the lights before slipping into his and Eddie’s room. He grabbed a top and some sweatpants from their closet and quickly got changed before sliding into bed next to Eddie, wrapping his arms around him and falling asleep. 

Chapter Text

When the pandemic hit the whole 118 went into logistics mode, trying to figure out how to bubble in a way that left no one isolated and everyone safe. 

During the height of it all Buck went back to being a stay at home dad and moved into the Grant-Nash house with Chris whilst Bobby moved into the Buckley-Diaz house. Athena was still off of work following the Jeffery Hudson attack so it was her, Buck, Chris and May together whilst Harry was with Micheal and David. Hen and Chimney stayed at Chim’s place and Maddie went to stay with Karen and Denny. It was actually a pretty good arrangement all things considered, they’d managed to make the dire situation work. 

May and Buck had gotten on well before the pandemic, often seeing each other at 118 get togethers and whenever Buck and Eddie brought Chris around, but she was more of an acquaintance than anything, sure he saw Bobby and Athena like parents but he hadn’t formed a sibling bond with May. 

But being stuck in a house together changed that, the two growing extremely close. 

Buck would often be the first one up so he could do Chris’ breakfast, he usually didn’t see the point in going back to bed so he’d keep himself busy around the house, usually making breakfast for the rest of the house. 

May was an early riser and would always be out of bed at seven, so she’d shuffle into the kitchen, still in her pyjamas, to find a cup of coffee already waiting for her at the table and breakfast being plated up. 

Contrary to popular belief Athena wasn’t a morning person, she was a proper night owl so she’d always be up a few hours after the other two. But much like May she also kept a strict routine, always getting up at the same time each day, always walking into the kitchen just after ten, so Buck would make sure he had coffee and breakfast ready for her too, it’s not like he had anything else to do. Plus he enjoyed looking after people, so getting to do these little things for the two of them always brightened up his day. 

So as the three of them settled into their routine May began to become like a sibling to Buck and an aunt to Chris. 

Of course it was hard being away from Eddie, he and Buck had become insanely codependent years ago, a bond that had only gotten stronger. So having to be separated was difficult, but it was for Chris’ own safety as he was so young he was at higher risk. 

The main way the couple got around this was having meetups in the park. They’d go and sit in the grass at a safe distance as much as Eddie’s schedule would allow. The two of them chatting and catching up whilst Chris crawled around the picnic blanket he and Buck would sit on and played with his toys. 

“Me, May and Athena have started binging all of Grey's Anatomy. ” 

Eddie cringed at that, “I thought you said you were never going to watch that.” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Buck shrugged, “Besides it’s Station 19 I refuse to watch, and I stand by that. But I want to know about the real drama, what kinda calls have you been getting?” 

“God, all sorts, the other day a doomsday prepper got locked in his bunker. You think he’d be fine given how it’s stocked so he can outlive the apocalypse but apparently not.” 

“Was it as plush as you’d hope?” 

“As concrete and barren as you’d expect.” 

Buck groaned loudly, “You’d think they’d at least try and add some level of comfort, considering they’re gonna be living there for years.” 

“I feel like they get off on it being so cold and industrial, like it’s part of the look. But holy shit I’ve never seen that many guns. And that’s saying something considering I’m from Texas.” 

“Hey now, let’s not stereotype.” Buck scolded, a faux serious look on his face. 

Eddie held his hands up in mock surrender, “Of course, of course, my bad.” 

It took a while but eventually lockdown measures eased, so gradually everyone had begun moving back into their homes, leaving their bubbles behind. At the same time Athena was ready to head back to work and May began at dispatch so Buck decided it was time for him to get back to work as well. 

So with that Buck and Chris moved back home with Eddie and Carla came back to help with Chris, allowing Buck to continue work, though still only part time for now. 

He was planning on starting out easy, only the universe had other ideas…

“Can you believe it, finally called for special deployment.” Buck cheered, slamming shut a compartment, “Texas, here we come!” Buck was bouncing around like an over excited puppy, “Oh, oh, oh, do you think we can convince Cairney and Sess to detour through El Paso on the way back?”

“You actually want to see my parents?” Eddie scoffed, as the same time Cariney yelled out, “No way in hell.” 

Buck flipped Cairney off as he continued talking to Eddie, “No, God no, I want to go to that barbecue place you never shut up about. Little 118 special deployment team treat.” 

Eddie chuckled, “Well, as wonderful as that sounds, I think Cairney’s made his position on the matter extremely clear.” 

“Alright, it’s a twenty hour drive and we’re making as few stops as possible.” Hen called out, “Everyone go to the toilet now and make sure you grab the food Bobby’s prepped for everyone in the kitchen.” 

“Wow, someone’s a Mum.” Buck joked, sending a cheeky wink to Eddie. 

“I would’ve told you the exact same thing.” Eddie said, lightly elbowing Buck in the ribs. 

“Wow, someone’s a Mum.” He repeated, this time aimed at his husband with a shit eating grin on his face. 

Eddie just shook his head affectionately, shoving Buck’s face away from him, “Go piss, man.” 

Chris was staying with Maddie and Chimney whilst Buck and Eddie headed off to Texas. 

They hadn’t really planned for this to happen, they’d both put themselves down for special deployment when they started which was before they had Chris. They kept meaning to take themselves off of it once their son came along but they just never got around to it, which was now biting them in the arse. 

But thankfully Maddie and Chim had been more than happy to take Chris, Carla still coming around to help and Karen, Athena and Bobby available should they be needed. So although it wasn’t ideal they didn’t have to worry about leaving the Texas team short of one or two men when they needed as many people as they could get. 

The twenty hour drive was long, so required multiple drivers. As the members of special deployment who were qualified to drive the engine Buck, Cariney and Sessengon were taking shifts driving the rig, each going for three hours at a time at which point they’d pull over and swap drivers, sometimes taking a longer break when they needed to refuel, grab food or a restroom break was required. In total the three of them drove twice, doing a total of six hours each. 

For the first few hours Eddie was sat on his phone whilst Buck used his partner's shoulder as a pillow, trying to get as much sleep as possible so he wasn’t exhausted when it was his turn to drive next. 

Buck had his noise cancelling headphones on, having managed to find the perfect position that he could wear them and comfortably use Eddie as a pillow at the same time. Lofi music played loudly through them, helping Buck drown out the chatter in the cab and the rumble of the engine. Eddie’s arm was wrapped around him, lightly tracing patterns on his arm, calming him even more to the point he was out like a light. Unfortunately his sleeping position did mean he started snoring which Bassey took a video of and sent to the 118 group chat. 

As they neared the end of Arizona they began seeing signs for Texas, people starting to get excited as this meant the last leg of the journey was upon them (even if it was also the longest leg of their journey). 

“Cairney.” Buck called back from his spot in the driver's seat, “Are you sure we can’t take a little detour?” The other man looked around before spotting the sign Buck was pointing at ‘El Paso’. 

“Fuck off Buckley.” He grumbled (all in good nature). 

“Sess?” Buck then tried, “We’re both drivers, if we out vote RC we can go to El Paso on the way back and get barbecue.” 

“I dunno Buck.” 

“Come on Jock, it’s authentic Texas barbecue, the kind Eddie always goes on about!” 

Sessengon was clearly thinking about it, “I mean, I do love barbecue…” 

“That’s two drivers against one,” Buck cheered, “We’re getting real barbecue on the way home.”

“If, if, we are,” Hen spoke, “It’s only as a reward, okay? So, anyone pulls any stupid shit whilst we’re out there then none of us get barbecue.” 

Sess was driving when they pulled up to the motor pool, parking up amongst a sea of engines. Buck had fallen asleep after his second three hour stint as driver, face pressed against the window.

Hen kicked his shin lightly as they parked up, “Buck. Wake up, we’re here.” 

He jolted awake, “We are?” He took a second to get his bearings before opening the door and jumping out of the engine. The first thing that hit him as he stepped out was the humidity, “What’s up with the air?” 

Hen got out after him, “Wildfire, remember? That’s why we’re here.” 

“I mean the way it feels.” He grumbled, “Like getting slapped with a wet towel.” 

Eddie rounded the front of the engine, carrying his gear, completely unphased, “It’s called humidity. Welcome to Texas, Buck.” Although Eddie was being sarcastic it actually was Buck’s first time in Texas, so he’d take the welcome, thank you very much. 

It didn’t take long for them and multiple other teams to gather up so they could be briefed on the situation. But Buck was only partially paying attention to Deputy Chief De Leon, the rest of his brain power was dedicated to a woman that was stood not too far from the 118, trying to figure out where he knew her from. 

“Buck, stop staring.” Hen scolded, keeping her voice low so she didn’t interrupt the briefing. 

“I’m not staring.” He shot back. 

“You’re staring.” Betrayed by his loving husband. But Buck averted his gaze, trying to focus back in on the Deputy Chief anyway. 

Eventually the Deputy Chief was done and handed over to another man, Captain Strand, who talked them through the situation in a bit more detail, discussing things like weather patterns and plan of attack. 

Once he was finished Buck glanced over at the woman again, which Hen obviously noticed, thankfully this time she decided to poke fun at him rather than telling him off, because he clearly wasn’t ogling her as he was a married man “Buck, seriously? Please don’t make me report you to HR.”

“No, no, I swear I know her from somewhere. It’s killing me.” He hadn’t read the humour in Hen’s voice, his brain too tired from the long drive to process the tone. 

Eddie gave Buck an affectionate pat on the back as he tried to hide a chuckle, and then wandered off. As he walked he picked up the sound of Captain Strand’s voice, he couldn’t help but listen in, quickly realising that they were putting together a team to head out on the hunt for some missing kids and that they needed a medic. Considering he was more than qualified he thought there was no harm in offering his services. 

“-You don’t know what you’re going to find up there.” Captain Strand was saying as Eddie stepped forward.

“I’m a medic. Eddie Diaz with the 118, Los Angeles.” 

“You a paramedic?” The woman Buck had been staring at asked. 

“Firefighter,” He clarified, it was an understandable assumption though, “But I was a medic in the army, been on more than a few missions that looked a lot like this.” Which was an understatement. 

“What you waiting for, Hollywood?” A burly guy with a thick Texas accent called out, “Get your bag. Meet us down by the motor pool, we’ll roll out.” 

Eddie could get onboard with this guys no nonsense attitude, “Copy that.” He straightened up and headed back to the engine to grab his gear.

As Buck changed by the engine Hen approached, “Uh, where have you been?” He asked, with a little more bite than he'd intended.

“Took a tour of the medical unit.” Hen explained, grabbing her own gear out of the engine, “Where’s Eddie?” 

“I don’t know.” Buck huffed, he always felt a bit off kilter and stressed when he and Eddie were separated at a scene, it wasn’t the way things were supposed to be and he didn’t like that, “You guys abandoned me.” Before he could spiral (the twenty hour drive had exhausted him enough that it felt like the slightest thing was going to trigger his abandonment issues, and he really didn’t need that right now, especially over something like this) a new thought hit him, “Also, why did we drive these trucks all the way from LA just to park ‘em?” If they weren’t going to need the engines they could’ve flown which would've saved them a whole lot of time. 

“Only way up to that fire line is by foot.” Hen explained, “Trucks go into the motor pool. Commander De Leon will use them as he sees fit. That’s how it works Buck.”

“Still, not sure I like the idea of strangers on our rigs.” He grumbled, ever since the ladder truck bombing he wasn’t a huge fan of people he didn’t know getting up close and personal with the 118’s vehicles, logically he knew there wouldn’t be a repeat but that didn’t quell the anxiety. 

Hen was more focused on getting ready than Buck’s chatter, “No strangers here, Buck. Just grunts with shovels.” As if to prove her point she chucked a shovel at Buck which he thankfully managed to catch. 

“Uh, okay. And where’s yours?” His brain was already beginning to put the pieces together; Hen had been to check out the medical centre, Hen didn’t have a shovel, Hen wasn’t joining him and Eddie on the fire line. 

“Me? I volunteered for base camp medical unit.” Yep, Buck was right, Hen had saved herself from manual labour, “But have a good hike.”

At that moment Buck clocked Eddie so he scrambled over to him, hoping his husband would sympathise with him, “Eddie, can you believe this? Hen isn’t going up the fire line with us. Just gonna be you and me.” 

At that moment an ATV pulled up, driven by the woman he’d been trying to pinpoint, “You ready, soldier?” 

Eddie nodded in her direction, “Be right there.” 

Great, just great, Eddie was also heading off to do something cool.

“Well, hop to it. These at-risk kids aren’t going to get any less at-risk.” She quipped and then drove off. 

The dorky smile Eddie had when he was excited took over his face. 

Fuck, Buck really didn’t want to be left alone in the middle of a Texas wildfire. Okay, that was an over exaggeration as Cairney, Sess, Andersen and Bassey were there and going to the fire line but it wasn’t the same, they weren’t his husband and pseudo-sister. “Uh, her? You’re going with her?”

Eddie seemed unphased by it all, “Yeah.” He simply said as he slammed one of the engine’s compartment doors shut before turning to face Buck, arms crossed, leaning against the door he’d just shut, “Look, man, there are some at-risk kids up there and I thought, you know, it’ll be similar to Afghanistan so they could probably use a hand from somebody with those kind of expertise.” 

“Okay, cool, bring me along then.” Buck insisted.

Eddie let out an affectionate huff, eyes looking a little sad, “You don’t have the skill set Buck.”

Buck scoffed, “I was in Afghanistan too, don’t forget. I don’t know if my Army husband remembers but I was a Navy SEAL.” 

“Buck, it’s not like that.” He stepped over to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, “They need a medic. I figured a combat medic would give these kids the best chance at survival.” 

Buck dropped his head with a sigh, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” 

“Hey, I love you buddy, if it were up to me I’d bring you along, but it’s not.” 

Buck looked at Eddie and nodded, “I love you too.” He let out a small huff to psych himself up, “Now fuck off and save some at-risk kids wit-” It suddenly hit him, he knew why he recognised that woman, “Fuck, I know who that is!” He stepped out of the other man’s grip and turned so he was addressing Eddie and Hen, “She’s Firefox.” He’s suddenly switched from quiet and dejected to overexcited, but clearly Hen and Eddie didn’t get why he was so pumped, sharing a confused look. “Firefox? You guys seriously don’t know who Firefox is?” He knew Eddie was chronically offline but surely Hen knew, “She’s gone viral, like, five times. Total badass. I… follow her on Instagram.” His face suddenly fell, “Some reason, she didn’t follow me back.” 

Eddie just chuckled at him before he and Hen walked off, Hen calling out, “Don’t forget your shovel.” As they left. 

“Abandoners.” 

Eddie ended up in the ATV with the huge Texan, Judd Ryder. As they were driving a bug flew into his neck, so he swatted at it, “Got you some of them critters, Hollywood?” Judd asked, “Bet they don’t get that big in LA.” Eddie was aware his accent wasn’t very strong especially from all the time he’d spent away from El Paso so it was no surprise the other man hadn’t clocked onto the fact that he was also a Texan. 

“No, well, we got plenty in El Paso.” 

“Oh, no way. You’re from El Paso? Where’d you go to highschool?” 

“La Salle.” 

“La Salle.” The sound of familiarity in the name alone filled him with a bit of joy, “Whoa, we used to whoop your arse every year at State. I was, uh, Austin Heights.”   

“You’re a Bulldog?” Eddie was certain they hadn’t been in high school at the same time, but the rivalry between the schools had never diminished.

“Roger.” 

“And I thought we were gonna be friends.” Eddie joked. 

Whilst Buck had been talking to Hen and Eddie the rest of the 118 had headed up to the fire line without him. He’d ended up hiking over with some of the guys from the 135 who’d also come up from LA, chatting with them as they made the trek, getting more and more sweaty as they went. 

Once he arrived at the fire line Buck found a spot and buckled down, just focusing on getting the job done. 

But it seemed like one of the guys near him was just as chatty as Buck normally was and just as bad at existing in silence, “Hey man, what’s your name?” He asked. 

“Uh, Evan Buckley, Los Angeles 118, but everyone calls me Buck.” He replied. 

“Nice, I’m Mateo and that’s TK, Austin 126.” 

“Hey.” TK sent him a wave before going back to raking. 

Clearly Mateo had decided to start a proper conversation, even if Buck just wanted to focus on work right now, “So LA, huh? That’s cool. I got a cousin in LA. Marvin. People say we look alike. Maybe you know him.” He most definitely did not know him, just because they lived in the same city didn’t mean they knew each other. 

“It’s, uh, kinda a big place.”

“No, I know.” So at least Mateo was self aware, even if he did ask the question in the first place, “His last name’s Chavez.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” 

“He’s in jail anyway.” Buck was so confused. Thankfully Mateo changed the topic, “I bet you get some pretty crazy calls out there.” 

Well, if Mateo was going to insist on chatting then at least it was now about a topic Buck could actually enjoy, “You have no idea.” 

“We get our fair share in Texas.” TK said, finally joining in on the conversation. 

“You ever get a call to Disneyland?” 

“That’s Orange County.” 

“But LA, right?” Buck couldn’t help the smirk that broke out.

Mateo’s chatter about Disney now had Buck ready to talk, bringing forward the memory of the roller coaster rescue, “You know, we did get called to an amusement park once. Had to scale the loop of a roller coaster. Guy was hanging on by his bare hands.”

“You saved a guy hanging from a roller coaster?” Mateo got even more excited than he had been before. 

Unfortunately that also brought up the memories of how that call ended, how Devon had fallen, the sound of his body hitting the ground, the feeling of failure, freezing up at a scene, therapy- no he couldn’t go there, not here, not now. So instead he simply said, “Uh, he, he, he let go.”

TK looked over at him, second hand grief gracing his face, “Man. That’s rough.” He clearly took a second to consider if he was going to say what he wanted to, eventually deciding that he would, “I had a woman almost drown on me last year in less than a foot of water. She was trapped in a bus, upside down in the middle of the street.” TK then changed the tone, clearly aware that the moment had turned too heavy, not wanting to let either of them sit in their grief for too long, “It was wild, man.” 

Thankfully mentions of a bus brought up a better rescue, one with a happier ending, “We had a bus rescue. It wasn’t upside down though.” Buck couldn’t stop himself from taking a pause as a cheeky little grin broke out before saying, “But it was sticking out the fifth floor of an office building.”

“No way!” Mateo’s grin widened, “That’s insane.” 

“We just had an active volcano last week.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I think I saw something about that on my Twitter feed.” Okay, so he’d definitely seen something about that on his Twitter feed, and he’d done a deep dive, still very much fascinated by natural disasters, but he wanted to seem cool in front of these guys. 

“What about the scars on your face?” Mateo asked, all sense of tact gone with the wind.

Thankfully Buck was in a pretty good mood so he chuckled as he waved it off with a casual, “I got caught in the Santa Monica tsunami, right on the pier and all. It’s a miracle I made it out with only a few scars to show for it.” And because he couldn’t help himself he kept talking, keeping his tone light, “I wasn’t quite so lucky when I had an exploding ladder truck land on me, I’ve got the prosthetic to prove it.” 

“Woah, like the Winter Soldier.” Mateo gasped, eyes wide with excitement making Buck laugh.

“Well, it’s my leg not my arm but-” 

Suddenly there was the sound of metal and something falling through the brush, a burning car hurtling down the hillside towards them. 

TK immediately jumped into action and ran at Buck, tackling him out of the way and in true Buck fashion he had yet again not done his helmet up so it tumbled off of his head. But he didn’t have time to think about that, instead scrambling to his feet running to the car, TK hot on his heels. 

“It looks like just the driver.” Buck called out. 

“Hey, we’re gonna get you out of there!” TK yelled as he ran to grab his discarded axe whilst Mateo appeared with a fire extinguisher and put out the flames. 

Buck tried the handle, “Agh, it’s locked.” 

“Buck, heads up.” TK threw the axe over the top of the car, Buck catching it and smashing the window open so he could reach in and use the inside handle to open it. 

But instead of a person tumbling out a dog jumped out, running straight to Mateo for head scratches. Thankfully the owner of the dog appeared almost immediately, apologising profusely as TK and Buck stood off to the side watching, “So that was weird.” Buck said, as if they hadn’t just been talking about volcanos and buses in office blocks. 

“Right?” 

Buck looked over and took a second to analyse TK, the two of them seemed pretty similar, which meant Buck was probably going to stick by him whilst Hen and Eddie were off being abandoners. 

“How can you be so calm under literal fire?” Marjan asked. 

“Well, at least no one’s shooting at us.” Eddie shrugged as he pulled his gloves off, acting all nonchalant. When Marjan didn’t say anything Eddie unlocked his phone and went on Instagram, locating her personal account and requesting to follow her. Her phone pinged immediately and she went to check it.

She looked up at him, unimpressed, “Seriously? You wanna follow me on Insta?” 

“Heard you put a lot of effort into it.” He joked, “Was curious.” 

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” 

“I haven’t been on social media in a while.” Out of the two of them Buck was the social media one, and according to his partner Eddie was a technophobe so it was no surprise that he wasn’t really active online, “The last post is like, nine months old. Super boring.” 

“I’ll be the judge of that.” She accepted the follow and then requested to follow him back, also getting accepted. 

“Is that a Prius in the air?” Eddie asked, squinting at the picture he’d found. 

“Tornado dropped it between two buildings.” Marjan said, like it was a totally normal, run of the mill thing to happen. Marjan then turned her phone to face him, “Is this your kid?” It was a picture of him asleep on the couch with Chris on his chest, also asleep. 

“Yeah, Christopher. He’s my world.” Which was an understatement. 

She kept scrolling before she came across a photo of him and Buck, it was a really old one, from before the tsunami ( That’s how inactive Eddie was on social media). The two of them were at the pier, leaning against the railing, smiling at the camera, arms wrapped around each other. It had been the height of summer so they were both in shorts and tank tops, matching sliders on. Marjan zoomed in to get a better look, “Is that the creepy guy who was staring at me before?” She asked. 

“That’s Buck, I swear he’s harmless.” Eddie couldn’t help the little smirk he had as he added, “Mostly.” 

“Uh… okay?” Marjan didn’t know what to make of that. 

Eddie realised he should probably clarify, for both Marjan and Buck’s sake, “He’s, uh, an ex Navy SEAL, it’s how we met, we were both stationed in Afghanistan, constantly running into each other, and you know, one thing lead to another, and almost ten years on we’re married and have a son together. But he’s harmless. Unless you hand him a gun and tell him to protect someone, then you’re fucked, although he usually tries non-leathal methods first.” He let out a fond and humorous huff, “He’s a golden retriever most of the time, but he can be a doberman when necessary.” 

“Wait, you’re married to him?” Eddie nodded, “Then why was he staring at me?” 

Eddie shook his head with a chuckle, “He’s a really big fan of yours, and he’s not the best at masking when he’s tired. I promise he wasn’t trying to be creepy, we’d just had a twenty hour drive where he was one of our drivers and he forgot to at least be subtle.” 

The relief that washed over Marjan was unmissable, “Thank god.”

“I’ll get him to apologise, don’t worry.” 

After hours and hours of manual labour Buck, TK and Mateo had finally been relieved and sent back down to base, the three of them chatting away about even more of their crazy calls as they went. 

But eventually they made it back to find Marjan, Eddie, Paul and Judd who were sat on the back of their ATVs.

“Oh, glad to see the strike team’s already got their feet up.” TK jeered, a smile on his face.

“Ooh, you guys must be exhausted,” Buck added, having already fallen into a rhythm with TK, “All that go carting up and down the hill?” Suddenly the tension in the air became apparent to the other three, something was wrong. 

“You didn’t hear, did you?” Although Marjan phrased it as a question, the answer was obvious, they hadn’t. 

TK was the first to speak up, asking the question Buck and Mateo didn’t want to, “Hear what?” 

“Captain Strand and Hen went up in a chopper to help us find the missing kid.” Eddie explained, “It went down and no one’s had any contact with them since.” 

Buck didn’t know what to say to that, and clearly Mateo and TK didn’t either, all he registered was the ringing in his ears and the fact that his legs felt like jello. Eddie stood and walked over to him, pulling him into his arms and holding on tight. Buck took a deep breath, trying to push the emotions down, but Eddie knew exactly what he was doing and shut him down, “Hey, hey, hey now, it’s not the time for military mode, stand down.” Buck nodded into his shoulder and then pulled back, “If the time comes then you can do it, but now is not that time.” 

Tensions were high in the command tent. 

Buck and Eddie were stood with the 126 as they all tried to convince the Deputy Chief to let them go looking for their people, but got shut down at every turn. Buck could see Eddie trying to keep his cool but his husband had told him not to go military mode so he wasn’t going to, he was going to fight back against the orders they were being given because he refused to let Hen die out there. 

TK was clearly the worst off, which was unsurprising considering it wasn’t just his Captain out there but his Dad. Buck saw far too much of himself in the other man’s reaction, he would’ve been exactly the same had it been Bobby. So when TK stormed out Buck didn’t hesitate to follow him. 

“They survived the crash.” He called out, stopping TK in his tracks, “Believe it.” TK turned to face him. “Hen, your Dad is with Hen, so he’s uh, he’s in really good hands.” 

“So is she.” 

“No doubt.” Buck took a second to collect his thoughts, “Look, my Captain is not my Dad, but he might as well be. I’m, uh, estranged from my folks but he stepped up and loved me as if I were his own without hesitation. You know, he could’ve given up on me so many times, and he never did. Even when I used to steal the fire truck.” 

TK let out a silent chuckle, “You used to steal the fire truck?” 

“Oh yeah, all the time.” 

“Yeah, my Dad, he’s never given up on me either. And I’ve done a lot worse than steal a fire truck. It just sucks, you know? Just sitting here and doing nothing.”

Buck leant back and reached into his pocket, “Well…” He pulled out a set of keys, “What if we didn’t have to?” 

“Is that…?”

“A key to a fire truck?” Buck jingled the keys, “Yes it is.” 

How the hell Buck had managed to befriend the one other firefighter who was the same brand of trouble, reckless and stupid as he was over the course of a few hours Eddie would never know. But what he did know was that his husband was currently teaching TK how to steal a fire truck. 

And the pair weren’t subtle at all (how Buck had been such a good SEAL Eddie would never know), Buck was literally actively jingling keys about in a silent motor pool, whilst whispering loudly “These are the keys to your truck.”

Judd’s voice cut through the quiet, stopping Buck and TK in their tracks, “Hey, Dumbass, Dumbasser, did you stop and consider the consequences of what you’re about to do at all?” 

“You obviously don’t know Buck.” Eddie scoffed, because he did know his husband, and he knew he hadn’t fully thought this plan through but was committing to it hard anyway. 

“You two didn’t seriously think that you could sneak off and drive into wildfires, did you?” Marjan asked, with anyone else it would’ve probably been a rhetorical question but this was Buck and TK, there was a good chance they thought that that was an extremely logical and feasible thing to do. 

“Yes?” Yep, TK’s answer didn’t surprise anyone. 

“Well, that ain’t gonna happen.” Paul told them, no room for argument. 

But Buck being Buck he attempted to fight back, “You think you’re gonna stop us?” 

Thankfully that wasn’t the plan, all of them knowing it would be impossible to stop the two, and honestly not wanting to stop them, instead they were joining them, after all seven heads were better than two. So they all piled in with Judd at the wheel. Out of all of them Judd and Buck were the only ones qualified to drive and Judd refused to let Buck behind the wheel of his rig. Buck didn’t fight him on that, he understood, he would’ve had the exact same reaction if they were in the 118s engine. 

The ride up was tense, none of them knowing what they would find as the sun began to rise. They were silent as Judd followed the route on the gps, having inputted the coordinates from the helicopter's beacon. 

“Will it be time when we get there?” Buck asked Eddie, keeping his voice low. 

He knew exactly what the other man was referring to so reached out and took his hand, giving it a squeeze, “If you feel it coming on, don’t stop it, I’ll follow your lead.” 

Buck and Eddie clearly weren’t quiet enough, but they were in close proximity with the others and no one was talking so it made sense that they’d heard. Paul and Marjan exchanged a look, Paul raising an eyebrow that clearly said ‘what’s that about?’ whilst Marjan shrugged in response. 

When they finally pulled up at the coordinates they saw the chopper on its side. Buck was the first out and as the feelings that seeing the crash threatened to take over he shut them down and let himself fall into his SEAL mentality. 

Buck began barking orders, and although at first the members of the 126 seemed a bit baffled by it they all just went along with it, even if logically Judd should've been the one taking control given he was a Lieutenant. 

They swept the area and found nothing, so they fanned out, calling out for Owen and Hen. 

And then Marjan spotted it, a yellow piece of fabric on a pole, standing out amongst the charred remains around them. 

“So, if y’all get hungry, there’s a great barbecue place in Fort Stockton called Rudy’s Ribs. You just tell them that Judd sent you.”

“Thanks but Buck has been going on and on about a barbecue place in El Paso I’ve been hyping up since we met.” Eddie chuckled, “Hen said we could go if we all behaved and didn’t pull any stunts, but I have a feeling she’ll go back on that after the night we had. But if you’re ever in El Paso and you end up at Grover’s, tell them Eddie sent you.” 

Judd chuckled at him, “Touche.” 

“Judd, you’re alright,” Eddie reached out and gave him a firm handshake, the kind that spoke of mutual respect, before tacking on an “even if you were a Bulldog.” unable to resist the friendly jab. 

“Well, it makes sense that a California firefighter as good as you had to have been raised in Texas, so…” Judd walked backwards, smiling at Eddie as he left. 

“Marvin Chavez, C-H-A-V-E-Z.” Mateo said, following Buck, clearly having not given up on the topic, “He gets out in about three months.”

“I will keep my eyes open.” Buck promised, knocking fists with Mateo.

“Cool, cool, drive safe.”

As Mateo walked off TK appeared and walked over, “Hey, Buck. You really put yourself out there. Can’t thank you enough.”

“It’s what we do, right?” Buck opened one of the compartments on the truck and chucked his bag in before a thought hit him, “Oh, hey, uh, if you ever find yourself in LA, we should get together.” 

“Sure.” TK nodded, a kind smile on his face, “I gotta mention, though, I already have a boyfriend, and it’s pretty serious, so…”

“Woah, woah woah, I wasn't hitting on you, man, I’m married, with a kid.” 

That stopped TK in his tracks, “You’re married? With a kid? Sorry man, I didn’t know.”

“You’ve literally met my husband.” Buck was so confused, he hadn’t been subtle about his and Eddie’s relationship in the slightest. 

“Wha-” Sudden realisation dawned on TK’s face, “Eddie?” 

“Eddie.” 

TK nodded, “Yeah, you know what, that makes sense.” He then pulled his phone out, “Give me your number and if I’m ever in California or you come back to Texas, we’ll arrange a double date.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He took the phone and put the number in before calling himself so he had TKs number in return. “Really nice meeting you man.” TK clapped Buck on the chest once he got his phone back and wandered off to join the rest of the 126, “Take care.” 

“You too!” Buck called back. 

Buck had one last thing to do before leaving. He spotted Marjan talking with Paul so jogged over to join them. 

“Hey guys.” He greeted, “Marjan, you got a second to talk?” 

“Uh, sure. What’s up?” 

“Look, I just wanted to apologise, you know, for being a creep earlier. I wasn’t trying to be I just-“ 

Marjan chuckled, “It’s fine, Eddie explained.”

“He did?” 

She gave him a small nod, “Struggle to mask, right?” 

Relief overtook his face, “When I’m tired, yeah. But I’m still sorry, I made you uncomfortable, regardless of the reason it wasn’t right. So, yeah, I’m really sorry.” 

“You’re all good, Diaz.” She reached out to shake his hand, he gripped on and they shook, “But I appreciate the apology. It was great working with you man, catch you around.”

“Right back at you.” He then turned to Paul, “Great to meet you.” 

“Yeah you too.” They also shook hands before Buck left them and walked back to the engine. 

Cairney was the first to drive, the three of them keeping the order they used on the drive over; Cairney, Buck, Sess, repeat. 

“So, Hen, did we behave enough that we’re allowed barbecue?” Buck asked, pulling out the puppy dog eyes. 

Hen huffed out a laugh, “Yeah, yeah, I think we’ve earned it.” 

Buck banged the roof of the cab a few times in celebration before speaking again, “Hey Andersen, can you change the route on the GPS so we’re heading to Grover’s in El Paso, please.” 

“Yeah, you got it Buckley.” He replied from the Captain’s seat, tapping away on the screen.

Three hours in Buck took over. He hooked his phone up to the engine so he could play music through the sound system, opting for nothing but Dolly Parton, deciding it was only right to play some country music whilst they were still in Texas (even if she was from Tenassee). So even though everyone was exhausted they couldn’t help but sing along, the cab filled with an off key rendition of Jolean and then I Will Always Love You. 

When the song ended Buck was able to begin one of his signature info dumps, “Did you know she wrote that song as a farewell to her mentor Porter Wagoner, so it’s not actually a love song, but then it became a love song when she re-recorded it for the film ‘The Best Little Whore House In Texas’ which she starred in along side Burt Reynolds, she also wrote the song ‘Sneakin’ Around’ for it, so the film had two new songs that weren’t in the original stage version. And the director prepared to make the film by watching Dr. Pepper commercials-”

“I’m sorry,” Hen interrupted “The film’s called what?” 

“I know, I know, that wouldn’t fly today. Actually at the time they had to rename it in certain States as people thought it was too obscene so they called it ‘The Best Little Cathouse In Texas’.” 

“And you know this because…” Hen asked. 

Eddie stepped in to explain, “He fell down a Burt Reynolds rabbit hole, which led to watching the film and falling down that rabbit hole, which led to a Dolly Parton rabbit hole. It was an interesting month in the Buckley-Diaz house.” 

They pulled into the parking lot and dumped the engine across multiple spaces, all of them tumbling out of the rig and heading straight for the front door. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Edmundo Diaz.” An older man called out in greeting, walking over to see him, pulling him into a big hug. 

“Hey Antonee, good to see you man.” He then pulled back so he could introduce him, “Everyone this is Antonee Lanquedoc, owner of Grover’s . Antonee, this is Hen Wilson, Ryan Cairney, Cat Bassey, Kenny Andersen, Joachim Sessegnon and Buck Buckley-Diaz.” 

“I assume from the snazzy uniforms you’re all firefighters?” Everyone chuckled at that even if it wasn’t actually that funny, all of them too tired to care, “Now come on, I’ve got the perfect table.” He guided them over, “Any allergies, vegans or veggies?” Once dietaries were confirmed Antonee continued, “I’m going to bring y’all out a mix of our best sellers, on the house.” 

Before anyone could protest and insist on paying he walked off. 

Light chatter encompassed the table almost immediately. Only a minute later Buck and Eddie’s phones pinged in unison, Maddie having sent them pictures of Chris. Buck leant his head on Eddie’s shoulder, the pair swiping through the pictures on Eddie’s phone. 

“Not long till we’re home now.” Buck sighed, turned his head so his face was pressed into Eddie’s shoulder, planting a kiss there. 

“Fuck, it’s only been three days and I miss him like hell.” Eddie grumbled. 

Buck moved his head so he was back to his original position, face no longer smushed, “Same, feels like part of my soul is missing.” 

Eddie chuckled, “You can say that again.” 

“We should bring Chris to Texas at some point.” 

Eddie twitched, causing Buck to raise his head, “I thought we weren’t giving my parents the satisfaction.” 

“Well, I was thinking maybe we could go to Austin instead. Me and TK were talking and he said if we’re ever in the same State we should do a double date with him and his boyfriend. Just got me thinking it might be nice for Chris to see more of this country than we did as kids.” 

So when they hit the road again Buck texted TK and began planning their visit. 

(But then TK landed himself in a hostage situation and then he and Carlos got caught in the crossfire of an arsonists revenge plot against their fathers (which all felt far too familiar) so they had to push the trip back.)

As soon as they arrived at the firehouse Bobby was stood in the bay waiting for them, arms crossed, fond exasperation on his face. 

“Care to tell me why I got a call from Deputy Chief De Leon about two of you stealing a fire truck?” He said as soon as everyone was out of the engine. 

“In our defence,” Buck began, getting a soft glare from Bobby but carrying on anyway, “More of the 126 were involved than us, and Hen was in a crashed helicopter. I think stealing a fire truck was a reasonable reaction.” 

“Eddie, anything to add?” 

Eddie cringed a bit as he spoke, “The 126 are terrible enablers?” 

“Come on Bobby, you would’ve done the exact same thing.” Buck whined. 

“You two, my office, the rest of you, go home and get some rest.” Everyone split at Bobby’s orders, ready to get back to their own beds. 

Buck and Eddie dragged their feet as they walked to Bobby’s office, their Captain following behind. 

Once they were in the room and the door closed Bobby indicated for them to take a seat, before sitting opposite them, “On the record, what you did was stupid and reckless.” Buck and Eddie nodded along, 

“Sorry about that Cap.” Buck apologised, scratching the back of his neck as he avoided eye contact. 

“Yeah, sorry Cap.” Eddie parroted. 

“But, off the record, I’m extremely proud of you, even if you did go over the Deputy Chief’s head.

“Now, unfortunately there does need to be a punishment for this.” Buck slumped in his chair, arms crossed, whilst Eddie let his head drop forward, “So until further notice, Buck, cleaning the engines is your responsibility, which includes divvying out who does what in regards to that.” Buck tried to not look too happy considering it was a job he really enjoyed (a fact Bobby knew), “But you can not bully the Probie over it.” Bobby warned, knowing what the kid was like, “And Eddie, you’re running BA maintenance.” Again that was a job Eddie enjoyed doing, which Bobby also knew. “Now, off you two go, I bet you’re itching to see your boy.” 

His parents were finally coming to visit. After all these years they were finally coming to visit and Buck was dreading it. 

And it was all because Maddie was pregnant with her own child, rather than the one she’d lovingly helped him and Eddie have. 

In all honesty he didn’t even know if he wanted his parents to meet Chris, not wanting to expose his son to their toxicity. 

They also hadn’t met Eddie yet as he and his parents hadn’t been in contact since Buck ran away from home to join the SEALs at eighteen, but he wasn’t worried about that, Eddie could hold his own but also knew not to cause a scene for Maddie’s sake. 

“Do I look okay?” Buck asked, trying to get a look at himself in the mirror from every possible angle. 

Eddie watched him from where he was sat on the bed playing with Chris, “You look great, you don’t need to worry man.” 

“I very much need to worry Eds, you’ve not met them, you don’t know how judgy they are.” Buck groaned, “God, this shirt is a horrible choice, I’m changing it.” 

Eddie stood, keeping an eye on Chris as he walked over to join Buck. He adjusted his husband's collar before turning him towards the mirror, “You look fantastic, okay? And if they make any comments about it I’ll just redirect the conversation.” Buck sighed, dropping his head so it was resting on Eddie’s shoulder, face turned to look at his husband, “You don’t owe them shit Buck, it’s been ten years and they haven’t even tried once to get in contact with you, even when Maddie told them we were having a kid.” 

Maddie had told their parents, Buck, unable to bring himself to do it as they always ignored his calls, but they hadn’t seemed to care past the fact that Maddie was the one carrying the baby. 

“I hate this,” He huffed, breath tickling Eddie’s neck, “All this time and they still make me feel like a scared little kid who craves their validation.” 

“I know, I know, but I’ve got you, okay? And so have Maddy and Chim, and Chris is the perfect excuse if we need to get out of there or step away for a moment.” 

“Speaking of,” Buck stood up straight and stepped out of Eddie’s embrace, walking over to the bed where Chris was sat waving his favourite toy around, a plush firefighter Athena had made for him during lockdown, “We need to get you ready to go.” Buck scooped Chris up and spun around with him, the both of them and Eddie laughing. 

It didn’t take them long to get Chris ready to head out, Eddie packing his bag whilst Buck got him dressed, so in no time at all they were bundling into the Jeep and heading towards Chim’s apartment. 

Eddie was carrying Chris in his arms, the infant unphased as he held his firefighter close, sucking on its arm. Buck stood in front of the door and took a deep breath, psyching himself up to knock. 

Eddie placed a calming hand on Buck’s shoulder and squeezed. “We’ve got this, I promise.” 

“Yeah, yeah, we do.” Buck said, clearly trying to convince himself. 

Eddie could tell there was still some doubt so carried on, “We survived Afghanistan, you’ve had a ladder truck on top of you and managed to keep a cool head, and you made it out of a tsunami alive even though you were on the pier when it happened. And you saved multiple people’s lives, including a kids in the process. If you can do that, you can smile through dinner with your parents.” 

Buck let out a bitter, breathy chuckle, “Let’s hope so.” And then he knocked. 

Chimney answered the door, a wide grin taking over his face, “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Buckley-Diaz’s, come on in.” He ushered them inside. 

Buck saw all three Buckley’s sat on the couch, all of them standing as soon as Buck and Eddie stepped into the apartment. 

Maddie was straight over to join them, greeting her brother and brother-in-law before taking her nephew off of Eddie, “Hello you.” She said, placing a big kiss on Chris’ cheek, getting a happy squeal out of him. She bounced him on her hip as they babbled back and forth at each other. 

His Mum was the next person to step forward, letting out a strained “Evan.” Pulling him down into an awkward hug.

She pulled back and turned to Eddie, who’d been briefed on everything he’d need to know about her and Phillip in advance, “Edmundo Buckley-Diaz ma’am, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He layered on the southern charm as thick as possible as he shook her hand with a tight grip. 

“Please, just Margaret’s fine.” She told him, smile still tight, “and this is my husband, Phillip.” 

Phillip reached out to shake Eddie’s hand, placing his free hand over the back of Eddie’s to assert dominance, thankfully his father had taught him the handshake hierarchy so his free hand went to Phillip’s elbow, gripping tightly, “It’s a pleasure sir.” 

“Likewise.” He then extracted his hand from Eddie’s firm grip and turned to Buck, shaking his son’s hand, “Good to see you Evan.”

“Yeah, you too dad.” Buck took his hand back before taking Chris off of Maddie, “Mum, Dad, I’d like you both to meet our son, Chris.” 

Both of his parents came over to greet him, Buck handing his son over to his Mother.

“Well hello.” Margaret said, addressing the child in her arms, “Hi, I’m your Nanny.” Buck and Eddie cringed a bit at that, ‘Nanny’ was Athena’s title whilst Eddie’s Mum was Abuela, but they hadn’t come up with a title for Margaret, considering they were estranged it didn’t feel like there was any point. She then turned to Buck and Eddie, who both tried to hide their discomfort from her, “He’s adorable, he’s got your eyes, Edmundo, and Maddie’s smile.” 

A sudden coldness came over the room at that comment, Buck, Eddie, Maddie and Chimney all tensing up. 

“I suppose it must be rather strange for you Maddie, having to give up your son for your brother to raise.” She continued, either ignoring or not noticing the tension that had enveloped the room.

“He’s not my son, Mum, he’s my nephew.” Maddie did her best to keep her voice level, all of them knew that the Buckley parents would be weird about the whole thing, they had been when Maddie had told them about it so it was no surprise they were still acting this way.

Margaret tutted, “Well, he has your genes, you carried him and you gave birth to him, so you’re his mother and he’s your son, that’s just how it works.” 

“I’m the egg donor and the surrogate, not his mother.” She told her, making it as plain and simple as possible, “There’s a difference Mum.”  

“Your Mother has a point, Maddie.” Phillip said, finally joining in on the conversation. 

Buck slid in and took Chris from his Mum and handed him over to Eddie, “Look, can we not do this, please.” 

“It’s a perfectly valid discussion to have, Evan.” His Mum said, “We just want to understand.” 

“Well it doesn’t sound like it.” He shot back, only for Maddie to swoop in, “Why don’t we take this over to the couches?” 

They all moved over but the elder Buckley’s clearly didn’t take the hint to stop, “As we see it,” Phillip began, as he sat next to his wife on the couch, “our daughter had a baby with the man her brother is married to.”

“Well, they weren’t married at the time.” Margaret reminded him. 

“Of course. With the man her brother was dating. Did you really think that was a good idea?” That was still directed at Maddie, acting as if Buck wasn’t in the room, “Evan’s not mature enough to raise a child. I mean, he ran away from home at eighteen to join the army-” 

“The Navy,” Buck bit out, “I was a Navy SEAL Dad, if you’re going to be condescending, at least be condescending about the right thing.” 

“Don’t interrupt your father Evan.” His mother scolded. Buck had to focus on his breathing, deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

“Either way, you ran away and into a war zone, it’s not a very mature decision, it’s reckless. And then you come back and become a firefighter. You were a reckless child and you’re a reckless adult, but you still think you can handle having a baby.” 

“You’re saying this like I’m not already a Dad.” Buck was pissed, his parents didn’t know anything about him anymore, they only knew the eighteen year old version of himself, rather than the twenty-eight year old man he’d grown into, “And for your information when Chris was born both me and Eddie took an extended paternity leave and then when Chris was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy I stayed off of work and became a stay at home Dad until he was at a place where we could get professional carers in, and then I went back part-time. And you wanna know, as soon as lockdown happened I went back to being a stay at home Dad so he had one of us and wouldn’t be put in danger. So I’m not quite as reckless as you seem to think.” 

“And Evan and Edmundo are doing a fantastic job at raising Chris.” Chim added, “He’s such a happy and healthy kid, he’s adored by his Dads and they’ve got a fantastic home health aid, so even when they’re both working Chris is really well cared for. They’re the best Dad’s I know.” 

Buck and Eddie both sent him grateful smiles, “Thanks Howard.” Buck said, as Eddie said, “Thank you man.” 

“Can I get anyone a drink?” Chim then asked, redirecting the conversation before Margaret and Phillip found some way to dispute what he’d just said. 

Buck stood to help him, trusting Eddie to be able to handle his parents for a few minutes. 

“Hey, you alright?” Chim asked under his breath as Buck placed wine glasses on the kitchen island. 

He let out a quiet huff, “No, but I can hold on, for Maddie’s sake.” 

Chim squeezed Buck’s shoulder, “Good man.” 

“So Eddie,” They heard Phillip say, “Have your parents met Chris yet?” 

“They have, they came up to visit when Chris was six months and then they visited when lockdown restrictions were relaxed.” He explained. 

“Oh that’s nice,” Margarete cooed, “How was it?” 

Eddie chuckled awkwardly, “Uh, they think we should move to El Paso so they can help raise him.” As it looked like Margaret was going to continue Eddie powered on, not wanting to let her get a word in edgeways, “But our whole lives are here in LA so we said no.” It hadn’t been as easy a conversation as that, his parents didn’t think it was right that both of Chris’ fathers were firefighters and didn’t think they should both be raising him, instead wanting him to come with them to El Paso for a more ‘stable’ life. Obviously both Buck and Eddie had made it extremely clear that that wasn’t going to happen and now shut down any conversations where El Paso was even mentioned, they hadn’t even told them they’d gone to Texas when they assisted with the wildfire. 

Chris had gone back to sucking the arm of his firefighter toy, content to just sit in Eddie’s lap as he cuddled the teddy. 

“That’s a very nice little firefighter you’ve got.” Margaret said, all of her attention on Chris even though he wasn’t really focused on her, more interested in his toy, “Where did you get it from?” 

“It was a gift from Nanny ‘Thena, wasn’t it?” At the mention of his Nan’s name Chris' head shot up, dropping the arm from his mouth so he could babble excitedly. 

Eddie was kicking himself, only registering what he said when Margret let out a confused “Who?” 

He knew that Buck’s parents knew his parents names’, Maddie had apparently told them before the Buckley-Diaz’s had arrived. So he couldn’t play it off as it being the nickname for his Mum. God, he’d really gone and fucked it up. 

He looked over to Maddie, who looked back at him, both of them trying to figure out how to get out of the shit Eddie had just dropped them in. 

It was at that moment Buck and Chim returned with drinks, “Everything alright?” Buck asked, he and Chim hadn’t heard the rest of the conversation so didn’t know about Eddie’s little slip up. 

“Who’s ‘Thena’ Evan?” His Dad asked, verbally putting the name in quotation marks. 

“Oh, uh, well, Athena is…” Buck was grappling for an explanation, “She’s…” It looked like a half truth would have to do to avoid conflict, “She’s a very good family friend.” 

“What kind of ‘good family friend’ gets labeled a grandparent?” Margaret scoffed. 

Buck sighed, this wasn’t going well, “I think we should just leave it, it’ll only lead to an argument, okay?” His parents didn’t look convinced, “Look, tonight isn’t about me, it’s about Maddie and Howard and how they’re adding to their family, so can we just focus on them?” 

“Well, considering it sounds like you replaced us I think it’s a very valid conversation to be having and shouldn’t be ignored.” 

“Mum, please.” Buck didn’t want to beg, but it felt like that’s all he could do.

“Evan, it’s fine.” Maddie told him, “Have the conversation and don’t worry about us.” 

Buck took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts and trying to stay calm, “I haven’t replaced you, Mum, I haven’t replaced either of you. Because Bobby and Athena don’t treat me like you did, they stepped up when you didn’t. They were there for me for every step of my recovery when I lost my leg, Bobby held my hand through the whole ordeal, he literally held my hand as my leg was cut off. And then after the tsunami,” He instinctively reached up and scratched the end of one of the scars on his face, “They made sure I was safe and looked after, when Eddie and Bobby were working and I couldn’t bathe Chris because the very thought of being near water was enough to trigger a panic attack, Athena came over and would do it for me. 

“Me and Chris even lived with Athena and her daughter during lockdown as none of us were working so wouldn’t put Chris at risk. 

“They treat me like I’m their flesh and blood even though we don’t share a single gene, and they dote on Chris and spoil him rotten. 

“They’re not replacing you because they actually treat me with love and kindness. So yeah, Bobby and Athena have actually earned the title of Nanny and Grandad, because they’ve actually been here, unless you’ve forgotten how you haven’t spoken to me for ten years, even after you found out I was having a kid.” Buck took a deep breath, “You have no right to that title, it’s Athena’s, it’s always been Athena’s and it always will be.” 

“Evan-“ 

“Ten years Mum, and you didn’t even try and reach out! I tried to call when I became a SEAL, when I was deployed so I could say goodbye, but you wouldn’t answer my calls. And then when Maddie told you me and Eddie were having a kid and that we got married, you didn’t say anything. And I know she gave you my number so don’t bullshit me and say you had no way of getting ahold of me.” 

“Well I’m sorry if we had a hard time coping with you running away into an active war zone.” His Mother snapped. 

“So you decided that icing me out was the best solution? Seriously?” 

“Evan, don’t take that tone with your mother.” 

Buck stood and began pacing, gesticulating wildly as he spoke, “Right, of course, I’m so sorry I’m standing up for myself for once.” His voice was laced with sarcasm, “You never gave a shit about me, I don’t know why I ever fooled myself into thinking things could change. Every time I called I thought ‘maybe this time they’ll answer’ ‘maybe this time they’ll care’ ‘maybe this time they’ll love me’ but every time the line rang out and you never called back.” 

“Didn’t you think about what that might be doing to us?” His Mother asked, voice shrill, “To hear about you running head first into danger, how you could die? We couldn’t handle that, I’m not good at seeing my children in hospitals.” 

“You still should’ve been there for me, you’re my parents!” 

“After everything you put us through as a child.” His mother scoffed. “You were always reckless, getting hurt because you did stupid things.” 

Buck groaned and ran his hands down his face, trying to hold himself together as his mother spoke, “I was trying to make you love me.” He eventually admitted, voice soft, “I wanted you to love me, so I’d get hurt so you’d look at me, not through me.” 

Instead of reassuring words his Dad spoke instead, “Well that was a stupid way to go about it.” 

“Dad!” Maddie scolded as Eddie walked over to Buck and pulled him into his arms. 

Buck took a second to compose himself before he turned back to his parents, asking the question he dreaded the answer to, “Why don’t you love me?” 

His mother tutted “Oh, Evan, what a stupid question.”

“Just tell him Mum,” Maddie sighed, the most dejected Buck had probably ever heard her, “He deserves to know.” 

“Maddie, we’re not doing this.” Phillip warned her. 

“He has a right to know.” She argued, “It was his childhood too.” Buck looked between his parents and Maddie, confused by what was happening, “Evan, you should sit down for this.” 

Buck couldn’t seem to get his body to kick in but thankfully Eddie was able to guide him to the couch and sit him down. 

Maddie looked at Buck with soft eyes as her parents glared daggers at her, “Evan, we had a brother.”

“We- What? I, uh, a, a, a brother? I don’t understand.” Buck couldn’t wrap his head around it, that single sentence throwing his whole sense of self out the window. 

“He, uh, he died, when you were two, he had juvenile leukemia, he was diagnosed when he was four.” 

“This was, what? The early nineties?” Eddie asked, knowing Buck wouldn’t be able to speak until he’d processed all of the information he’d just been given. Maddie nodded, “Which means things like cell grafts and bone marrow transplants were a known thing, right?” 

“Yes, but none of us were a match.” 

“Maddie, that’s more than enough,” Margaret snapped. She then turned to Buck, “You had a brother, but you were too young to remember him, there’s nothing more to it.” 

“It still doesn’t explain why you don’t love me.” He managed to mumble. Eddie reached out and took his hand, gripping tightly so he could ground himself. 

Phillip huffed, “I think we’ve spent more than enough time on this topic for one night, I’m sure dinner must be done by now.” 

“Dinner can wait Dad,” Maddie snapped, “He deserves to know everything.” 

“No, it’s not his place to know.” Margaret’s voice was shrill, grating on Eddie’s last few nerves, “Do you realise how expensive it was to have a designer baby?” It felt like all of the air was sucked out of the room as Margaret spoke, clearly forgetting Buck and Eddie were there, “To spend all that money to give Daniel a chance at life and then have him relapse and die anyway, Evan doesn’t need to know about his failures.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Eddie growled, hand tightening around Buck’s as he felt his partner start to shake, “What the fuck did you just say about Buck?”

“Edmundo, this is family business, it doesn’t concern you.” Phillip told him, keeping his voice level. 

“Last I checked the name on my passport was Edmundo Buckley- Diaz, because I married your son, remember. So I think it very much does concern me, especially considering the fact that you’re talking about my husband as if he were an asset rather than a person.”

“We know he’s a person, but we’re just discussing the logistics of it, sticking to the facts, and the facts are that we had a child to save Daniel, and to make sure he succeeded we went down the designer baby route, only for our son to die anyway.” 

Yet again Buck managed to briefly find his voice, getting out a quiet, “So you only had me for spare parts.” He looked up, taking in everyone in the room only to notice… “Where’s Chim and Chris?” 

“They stepped out for some air.” Maddie told him, voice gentle.

“Okay.” Buck nodded to himself, “I, uh,” He let out a small cough, trying to find his voice, “I think I’d like to go now.” 

“Of course man.” Eddie stood without hesitation and helped Buck stand on shaky legs, Maddie following so she could show the pair out. 

“I’m so sorry Buck.” She tried to apologise but he couldn’t take it, not right now, so he simply opened the front door and left, Eddie hot on his heels. 

Eddie was the one who drove them, Buck in no state to get behind the wheel. He sat with his head leaning against the cool window, watching the world slip by with unseeing eyes. So it wasn’t until Eddie was pulling up that Buck realised, “This isn’t our house.” 

“No, I thought seeing your parents would be the best thing for you right now.” He reached out and gently squeezed Buck’s shoulder before turning and getting out of the car. 

As Buck finally put energy into processing his surroundings, he spotted Athena and Bobby waiting at their open front door for them. He slipped out of the Jeep and walked towards them, the pair, his parents, meeting him halfway (and if there was a metaphor in there, well, Buck’s head wasn’t there enough to figure it out). 

“Hey kid.” Bobby was the first to pull him into a hug, “Eddie said you hadn’t eaten yet so I’ve got dinner on the go.” Buck nodded and let himself be guided into the house and through to the dining table, where he sat down. 

Bobby headed into the kitchen to continue cooking whilst Athena came and sat down next to him, Chris in her arms. Eddie was the last to join them, he walked into the kitchen only for Bobby to give him a look that clearly told him to back away from the cooking. Eddie raised his hands in surrender and went over to the fridge to grab drinks. 

“I only trust one of my boys in the kitchen and it’s certainly not you.” Bobby joked, they all knew it was in jest and it got a slight smile out of Buck which had been the aim. 

“I respect that, and I respect your kitchen.” Eddie told him, pulling two beers out of the fridge and then taking them over to the table, “So, what’ve we got?” 

“Well, considering it’s Buck’s favorite I thought I’d do my famous lasagne, some garlic bread, a little side salad.” He explained, layering everything into the lasagne pan. 

Eddie smiled at Buck and gave his shoulder a squeeze, “So in other words, pure comfort food.” Buck smiled back up at him, it was small and subdued but genuine. 

“It’s a comfort food sorta day.” Bobby said, wiping his hands on his apron. 

“And a family dinner is just what we need right now.” Athena declared, before looking down at Chris and talking to him in a baby voice, “It is, isn’t it?” 

Buck finally spoke, “Are May and Harry here?” 

“Yeah Baby, they are.” Athena confirmed, only for Chris to squeal loudly, getting a laugh out of everyone whilst simultaneously summoning both May and Harry. 

“Buck, hey!” Harry greeted, the pair exchanging a high-five. 

“Hey big man.” Buck then turned to May, “Hey you.” 

“Hey Buck.” She gave him a hug before going and taking Chris off of her Mum, “If it isn’t my favourite little guy, hi.” She gave him a massive kiss on the cheek. 

“I didn’t know you were coming for dinner.” Harry took a seat at the dining table. 

“We had a last minute change of plans so thought we’d join you for dinner.” Eddie explained, not wanting to get into all of it whilst it was still so fresh and Buck was still processing everything. 

But as May and Harry were unaware of what had happened, May brought up the exact topic they all wanted to avoid, “Weren’t you supposed to be having dinner with the Buckley’s tonight?” Tension fell over the room that May and Harry were both immediately about to pick up on, “Oh, did it go that badly?” She asked. 

“We didn’t even make it past the first drink.” Eddie told her, cringing. 

May just shrugged it off, as if she wasn’t surprised, “They suck anyway, we’re way better.” 

That managed to get a loud laugh out of Buck, “You’re not wrong there.” 

Harry gave him a quizzical look, as if he were trying to puzzle something out, “I thought your parents disowned you, why were you seeing them?” 

That got another laugh out of Buck, “They didn’t disown me, we’re estranged.” 

“Either way, why were you seeing them if they suck so bad?” 

“Well they’re still a part of Maddie’s life, and because she’s having her own kid they’ve come to see her. I was there for her sake.” 

“Unfortunately the elder Buckley’s don’t know how to make anything easy.” Eddie huffed. 

“You know, I’ve never understood why you kept their surname.” May mused, bouncing Chris up and down a few times. When she got a blank look from Buck she continued, “Well, you became Buckley-Diaz but you’re estranged from the Buckleys and the only connection you proudly carry to that name is ‘Buck’, so why did you keep it when you got married? I mean, if anything you should be Grant-Nash Diaz.” She was so flippant about it, as if this were a perfectly normal opinion to hold, but then again, maybe it was? 

“You can’t have a triple barrel surname,” Harry scoffed, “That’s stupid.” 

“People can have two surnames, idiot.” May shot back, “Grant-Nash would be his first one, which is double barreled, and then Diaz would be his second.” 

“It doesn’t work like that, stupid.” May and Harry had fallen into a sibling argument, the kind that carried no heat even if the words sounded like they did.

“It actually can work like that. I had a friend at school who had two surnames.” 

“See, thank you Eddie.” 

Buck just sat there looking dazed and confused, like his whole world had been thrown into disarray, “I think we broke Buck.” Harry laughed.

“I think you might have.” Bobby joked. 

Athena took a sip of her wine, a drink that had been on the table since everyone arrived but had been neglected, “I mean, May has a point, it feels like you’re more Grant-Nash than Buckley.” Much like May had she spoke as if it were a normal dinner topic. 

“I- I can’t take your name, that-that’s yours.” Buck mumbled. 

Athena gently took Buck’s hand, “And it’s yours too if you want it. Same goes for Eddie.” 

Buck looked over at his partner, trying to gauge his opinion, “Whatever name you want, I want.” 

Everyone in the room could read Buck’s face, he clearly wanted to say yes but needed one more little push, some form of confirmation that the Nash in the name approved too, “All I need to know is what names to put on your uniform, Grant-Nash Diaz might be a bit long and having just Nash or Diaz would cause confusion, but Grant-Nash or just Grant would work perfectly.” Bobby then gave Buck his full attention, getting serious, “It would be an honour to have you carry my name Buck, I mean it.” 

“And obviously you need to change your first name to Buck,” Harry added, “‘Evan’ sucks, it doesn’t suit you at all.” 

The smile that broke out on Buck’s face was small but genuine, containing more joy than he could keep in his body, “Buck Grant-Nash Diaz.” He nodded, “I like it, it’s good.” 

“Yeah, got a good ring to it.” Eddie agreed, lightly punching Buck’s arm, “Eddie Grant-Nash Diaz doesn’t sound too bad either.” He gave his partner a cheeky wink. 

“Which makes you Christopher Grant-Nash Diaz.” May told Chris, “What do you think?” 

Even though he had no idea what was happening Chris babbled and squealed excitedly, clearly in agreement. 

Chapter Text

It took Buck half a second to process the sound of the gunshot, he was springing into action immediately, but he was too late. Eddie had still gotten shot, his blood had still splattered all over Buck’s face. Because the second and a half it took for the bullet to travel and pierce through Eddie was too short for Buck to do anything useful. And yes, he didn’t know it was Eddie who was the target, but he still could’ve done something. Instead he’d been useless, painted in Eddie’s blood, tasting it on his tongue. 

It took a millisecond for Buck’s brain to reboot and settle into SEAL mode, something that had been happening a lot recently, something he really wished wasn’t the case, and yet here he was again, the Red Eyed Robot the Navy had turned him into when he was eighteen. 

He grabbed Eddie before he could fall, rolling under the nearest fire truck to take cover. Captain Metha joined him, “Buckley? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. But we need to get Diaz out of here.” He grunted, already putting pressure on the bullet hole with his hands.

“In the engine, now!” The Captain ordered, Buck hauling Eddie out and up, crawling into the cab with Metah and a few other firefighters from his house. 

As soon as they were in, Metah pounded his fist on the ceiling of the cab, “Let’s move.” He yelled as the engine pulled away. The open door was ripped off by a car but Buck didn’t process it, too focused on ripping open a bandage with his teeth and pressing it against Eddie’s shoulder. 

Eddie’s eyes blinked open “Buck? Are you hurt?” 

“I’m fine Sargent, let’s focus on you.” He ordered. Eddie’s eyes began to slip closed, “Stay with me! Keep those pretty eyes open for me Diaz.” But he couldn’t, Eddie slipped away again, “Fuck.” 

Buck didn’t know how much time had passed, it could’ve been seconds, it could’ve been years, but they eventually got to the hospital where Eddie was loaded onto a gurney and wheeled away. 

As soon as Eddie had been taken from his arms by the nurses Buck fell out of his Chief Petty Officer headspace and back into Buck. He just stood there, staring with vacant eyes, only snapped out of it by Captain Metah stepping in front of him “You with me Buckley?” He asked, which was enough to jolt him back to reality, and trigger a response, “It’s, uh, Grant-Nash these days.” He managed to stutter out, “Uh, or just Grant is fine, Buck if you’re informal, but, uh, usually Grant in the field, or Grant-Nash but the Nash can be confusing or a mouthful an-” 

“Grant, eyes on me kid.” Metah prompted as Buck clearly began to get lost and spiral again. 

Buck took a deep breath and focused in on the Captain, “Right, sorry, Cap.” 

“You’re good. Let’s go inside and I’ll call your folks, get one of them to come and bring you a change of clothes.” 

Metah guided Buck into the ER and prompted him to sit in the waiting area before stepping aside to call Bobby. 

He returned a minute later, carrying some wipes a nurse had given him, “You’re Dad’s on his way, can I help get this blood off of your face?” Buck nodded, “Thanks Grant.” 

“Buck, please.” He whispered, “I’d prefer it if you called me Buck right now, Cap.” 

Metah smiled at him as he took out the first wipe and began to gently remove the dried blood from his temple, “In that case you’d better call me Jeshan.” 

Bobby got there in record time, bursting into the ER to find Buck sat with Captain Metah, the former fiddling with his fingers as the latter removed the last flecks of dried blood from the kid’s face. 

“Buck!” He called out, causing his kid's head to snap over to him. 

“Pops!” Bobby pulled him into a crushing hug, Jeshan giving them the space as he went to throw away the used wipes and give the remaining ones back to the nurse at reception who’d been kind enough to get them for him. 

Bobby could feel the tears soaking through his uniform instantly as Buck sobbed into his shoulder, all he could do was hold him tight and whisper hollow reassurances. 

“He’s in surgery.” Buck finally managed to get out between sobs. 

“That’s a good sign, Buck.” 

Buck pulled back, “How is that a good sign?” He practically spat.

Bobby kept a level head, he knew Buck didn’t mean it, he wasn’t the best at regulating his emotions on a good day, and this wasn’t a good day, “Because it means he’s alive.” At the reminder Buck crumpled in on himself, Bobby catching him and helping lower him to the ground. Bobby just held him as the ER continued to bustle around them, another firefighter was even wheeled in, having been shot too. But neither of them noticed, the pair too lost in each other to be aware of their surroundings. 

Eventually Buck pulled back and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, a hand that still had Eddie’s blood on it which was enough to have Bobby on his feet and bringing Buck up to join him, “I’ve got a change of clothes for you, let’s finish getting you cleaned up.” 

“But I need to wait, Edd-” Buck began to protest. 

“I’ll wait for any more information whilst you go and get sorted.” Metah assured them, he and his team still mingling around the waiting room. 

“Thank you Jeshan.” Bobby said with a nod to the other Captain as he began to lead Buck away. 

Metah returned the nod, “You’d do the same for me.” 

One of the nurses who recognised them from their many trips, both as first responders and as patients, led them through to one of the nearby wings so they could use one of the bathrooms that contained a shower, leaving them a few towels. 

Bobby ran the shower and placed Buck’s clean clothes and towel down on the toilet lid before stepping out, promising he’d be right on the other side of the door in case Buck needed him. 

Buck stripped down and chucked his clothes in the large bin, he never wanted to see them ever again, besides getting blood out of a white shirt would be impossible. He stepped into the shower and cleaned himself as quickly as possible, needing to go back to the waiting room as soon as possible in case there was any news about Eddie. 

So in no time at all Buck was stepping out of the bathroom in clean jeans and an LAFD sweater, hair still dripping, the water soaking into his hoodie. 

Bobby took the towel from him and ruffled it through Buck’s hair, using it to wick away some more of the water and then gave it to a nurse so it could be sent to laundry before coming back to Buck and guiding him to the ER waiting room with a gentle hand between his shoulder blades. 

As promised, Captain Metah was still there, as was his team, “Thank you Jeshan.” 

“It’s alright Bobby. We should probably head back to the station but let me know how he’s doing.” He then looked over at Buck, who was standing with his arms wrapped around himself as he spoke quietly to one of Metah’s firefighters that he was friends with, “Both of them.” 

“Of course.” 

Metah then walked over to Buck, “Look after yourself Buck.” He reached out and squeezed the kid’s shoulder, getting a small smile in return. 

“Thank you Jeshan, and thank you for… you know.” He waved his hands towards the double doors that led through to the OR. Metah merely nodded in acknowledgment and then gave Buck’s shoulder another squeeze before leaving. 

Buck flopped down into one of the chairs, Bobby coming to sit next to him, encouraging Buck to lean against him. His eyes glanced around the room as his eyelids grew heavy. There were other firefighters mingling about, looking equally as devastated, but Buck didn’t pay them any mind, mind too foggy from the adrenalin crash as he fell asleep on Bobby’s shoulder. 

Bobby had called Chimney to see if he could pick Chris up and bring him to the hospital as Buck had been due home an hour ago and Carla needed to head off, plus seeing his son would be good for Buck. He then called everyone he needed to as well as getting the C-shift Captain and a few of his team to come in and cover for him and the members of A-shift that were on their way over to see Eddie.

When Chim arrived with Chris, Buck was still asleep, only now his head was in Bobby’s lap and he was spread out along the row of cushioned seats. 

“Hey Cap.” He greeted, keeping his voice low. 

“Hey Chim.” He then turned to his Grandson, “Hi Chris.” 

The sound of his son’s name and his happy babbling was enough to wake Buck up, blinking groggily as he opened his tear swollen eyes. Bobby helped him sit up and Chimney passed Chris to his Dad. 

“Hey Buck.”

“Hi Chim, thanks for bringing him over.” Buck held Chris close and planted a kiss to the top of his son’s head, “Hey Chrissy Boy, good day?” 

“Baba!” Was the response he got. Chris had taken to calling him ‘Baba’ as he heard everyone call him Buck but couldn’t figure out how to say it, whilst Eddie was ‘Da’. 

Slowly the others began to filter in; Hen, Karen, Maddie, Athena and May all arriving in dribs and drabs. All of them greeting Buck and checking in with him but not getting much of a response past nods and shrugs. 

Chris began to get fussy pretty quickly, all of the smells and sounds of the hospital aggravating him. Karen immediately swooped in and took him off of Buck as he didn’t seem present enough to handle the situation, looking after her nephew so the others could look after Buck. 

Athena immediately had her arms around her son, Bobby on his other side, rubbing his back. Maddie and Chim sat together whilst Hen was with Karen, trying to distract Chris with his firefighter teddy. 

“Family of Edmundo Grant-Nash Diaz.” A Doctor called out, stepping through the double doors that led towards the OR. 

Buck was immediately on his feet, “That’s us. I’m, uh, I’m his husband.” 

“Well, Mr Grant-Nash Diaz, I’m happy to say that your husband made it through surgery.” Buck felt his legs go weak, Bobby grabbing on to him tightly and helping lower him into one of the seats, “We have had to put him into a medically induced coma to give his body time to heal but he’s expected to make a full recovery.” 

Buck sobbed loudly, relief pouring out of him, Athena wrapped him up in her arms again, tucking his head under her chin, holding him tightly as he broke down, whispering reassurances, “I’ve got you Baby, let it out, you’re safe, Eddie is safe.” 

“When can we see him?” Bobby asked. 

“We’re just getting him settled in a room, I’ll send a nurse to get you in about ten to fifteen minutes.” 

Bobby thanked the doctor before going back to sitting with Buck, “We’ll be able to see him soon.” Bobby assured Buck, placing a comforting hand between his shoulder blades. 

Bobby guided Buck into Eddie’s room, the smell of antiseptic and the beep of machines an all too familiar nightmare. 

Buck sat on the edge of the bed, Bobby pulling up the chair and settled next to the bed, placing a hand on Buck’s knee whilst Buck took Eddie’s hand, “Hey man, uh.” He choked out a sob, “I’m sorry, I- I don’t know what to say, I just- I’m usually such a yapper, can’t keep my mouth shut for shit, and now I don’t know what to say.” He sniffed loudly, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his sweater. “Uh, Chris is in the waiting room, Karen and Hen are looking after him. Carla has dinner plans with her husband so Chim picked our boy up so everything’s all good. Now we just need you to wake up, man.” The room fell into silence after a moment, the beeping of machines and the occasional announcement over the PA the only noises filling the room. 

“I can’t do this without you Bud. You, me? We’re a team, we’re BuckandEddie, without you there’s no me. So I need you to wake up for me so we can raise our son together, and keep being professional troublemakers.” He let out a watery chuckle, “Someone’s got to give Bobby grey hairs, and I can’t do that alone.” 

“And you two are very good at it.” Bobby quipped, “I mean, your first shift together you removed a grenade from a man's leg,” Bobby rubbed Buck’s knee as he chuckled, looking fondly at Buck and then turning his attention to Eddie, eyes equally as fond, “A year later you had to cut this one’s leg off.” He jerked his head towards Buck, even though Eddie couldn’t see it, “And then stealing a fire engine in the middle of a wildfire? You two are probably the most mischievous firefighters I’ve ever worked with, hell you’re probably the most mischievous people I’ve ever met, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

“You hear that? I think that counts as Bobby’s blessing to do more stupid shit once you wake up.” Buck smiled through a sniffle, his nose blocked up so the words came out all bunged up. 

“No, no that does not.” Bobby’s tone was firm yet jokey, “If anything I’m keeping you two on strict lockdown after this.” 

Buck groaned overdramatically, “Come on Pops, you’re no fun.” 

“Someone has to keep you two in check, and the only other person I trust to do that is your Mother.” 

Buck nodded in understanding, “Yeah, that makes sense. If anything Thena’s probably more effective at it than you.” 

“I’d pretend to be offended but we all know you’re right.” 

Buck spent the next week jumping back and forth between being with Eddie and being with Chris, doing his best to find a balance only to find himself exhausted by it all. 

Carla was a Godsend and people were swinging by to help as much as they could but that didn’t stop him from being exhausted, run ragged by the constant back and forth. 

“Buck, you need to rest.” Bobby told him. 

Buck huffed but didn’t stop packing his bag, getting ready to go and see Eddie, “I’m fine, I’ll rest when Eddie’s awake.” 

“Come on kid, if you don’t rest you won’t be helpful to anyone.” 

“I said I’m fine.” He snapped, he deflated immediately though, “Sorry, sorry, I just-” He sat down on the bed, the mattress bouncing from the force, “My husband is in hospital and I’ve got a toddler with CP who’s crawling around causing chaos.” He ran his hands down his face as Bobby came to sit beside him, “I haven’t got time to rest, there’s just too much to do.” 

“You’ve got a whole firehouse to support you, we’re here to help look after you, Chris and Eddie in any and every way you need us to. Look, come back to our place, you can get some sleep in the guest room and me and Athena will look after Chris.” 

“And Eddie?” 

“I’m sure Hen or Chim will be free to go, and once you’ve gotten some sleep and had a proper meal you can go and take over.”

“I dunno Bobby-”

“You’re not going to do anybody any good in your current state. You’ve been looking after everybody else the last few days but not yourself, and it’s showing.” Bobby stood with an old man groan, his knees clicking. 

He began moving around the room and repacking Buck’s bag, ready to carry Buck out of the house should he need to. 

“Are we ready to go?” Athena asked, walking into the room with Chris in her arms, the boy already dressed in his coat and shoes. 

Buck rolled his eyes, “Of course you two were conspiring behind my back.” 

“Baby, we just want to look after you.” Athena told him, “Come on, go get your shoes on and think about what you want for dinner.” 

It was three more days until Eddie woke up and it felt like Buck’s world righted itself. He was finally able to take a full breath, the tension that had made itself at home over the last week and a half leaching out of his shoulders. 

“Buck, I am so sorry to ask but is there any way you can get in today?” Eddie had already texted him to let him know to expect a call from Bobby, it had been chaos at the station because of the blackout and they were calling everyone in, emergency recall procedure having been put into place. 

“Don’t worry, Eddie warned me, I’ve already called Carla and she’s heading over now, I’ll be with you within the hour.” 

“Thanks son, you’re a lifesaver.” 

Buck couldn’t help but chuckle, giving Bobby a cheeky, “Well that is my job.” He could hear Bobby laugh, even if he did sound tired, “Look, I’ll let you get back to it and see you in a little bit.” 

“See you soon Buck.” And with that they hung up. 

“The cavalry has arrived.” Buck cheered as he waltzed into the apparatus bay, getting a round of light hearted groans. 

“A pretty pathetic cavalry if it’s just one man.” Chim quipped.

Buck raised his hands and wiggled his fingers, “Another pair of hands never went amiss.” 

Eddie coughed out a “That’s what he said.” Which earned him a punch to the arm from Buck. 

Hen rolled her eyes at their antics, “Not in the workplace you two.” 

“Well, if you all want to be mean to me I guess I won’t show you the gifts I brought with me.” 

“Hey now, we’re not being mean.” Hen said, “I was just telling you to keep it professional in the workplace.” 

Buck rolled his eyes, “In that case, in the back of my truck is the contents of mine and Eddie’s fridge.” 

Eddie groaned, “Seriously Buck?” 

“We don’t know how long this blackout is going to last and we don’t want to waste this food if the power doesn’t come back soon.” He then handed Eddie the keys to the Jeep, “I need to get changed, you can bring it all up to the loft.” 

“You’re lucky I love you.” Eddie told him, taking the keys and giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Aw, you love me?” Buck mocked, hand over heart. Eddie flipped him off as he walked away getting a hearty laugh out of Buck.

Buck headed through to the locker room and dumped his bag on the bench and began to change. As he chucked his shirt on and did the buttons up he looked at the metal name badge that sat proudly over his heart, even after all these months he couldn’t get over the excitement of seeing ‘Grant-Nash’ in place of ‘Buckley’. The name on the back of his turnout coat elicited the same reaction, as did getting referred to as Grant over the radio on calls. No one had found it weird when the announcement had been made during shift brief a few days after the disastrous Buckley family dinner, if anything the general consensus from the whole of A-shift had been ‘it’s about time’. 

As Buck trotted up the stairs he caught Sess and Cairney chatting, “My phone is about to die and Cap’s taken the generator offline,” Cairney groaned, “Katie’s meant to have a dance competition and I promised I’d FaceTime her as I can’t make it in person, but it’s still two hours out and my phone is barely holding on.” 

“Won’t it be called off because of the blackout?” 

“Nah, it’s out of town.” 

Which gave Buck an idea. So he turned and headed back down the stairs and began rummaging through one of the many storage lockers, he knew it like the back of his hand, having hyper fixated on a series of them over the course of a month where he’d spend all of his down time in them cataloging and arranging everything, to the point Bobby had even made him man behind a few times as he’d been in the zone.  

So he was able to dive in and located exactly what he needed, a box of portable chargers that everyone had seemingly forgotten about. 

“Hey Probie!” He called out as soon as he spotted Ravi. Ravi turned to look at him, pointing to himself, “Over here.” 

“Everything okay?” He asked. 

Buck simply dumped the box in his arms and barked out a “Come with me.” Ravi stood there and watched as Buck dragged tables and chairs around, locating a clipboard and then took one of the chargers off of him. Buck pointed at one of the chairs with his clipboard, “Sit.”

Ravi had heard about clipboard Buck but he hadn't met him up until this point, and he was even worse than Ravi ever thought possible, but he knew it was best to follow Clipboard Buck’s instructions, having been warned by multiple people including Tegan who’d been the probie before him. 

“So what exactly are we doing?” Ravi eventually asked, once it seemed like Buck was happy with the set up. 

Mischief twinkled in Buck’s eye, the low lamp light accentuating it, “We’re doing a service to the people.” He then walked off, leaving Ravi even more confused than before. 

Buck jogged up to the loft and located Cairney, “Hey RC, a little birdie told me that your phone was dying and I have just the thing for you.” He dangled one of the chargers in front of him. 

“You’re a lifesaver, Buck.” As Cairney went to grab it Buck lifted it just out of reach. 

He tutted at the other man, “Not so fast my good friend. If you want this, there’s paperwork.” 

Cairney groaned loudly, “Come on Grant, are you serious?” 

“Deadly.” He then jerked his head towards the stairs, “Come on.” 

“You’re fucking with me.” 

It was at that moment that he and Sess noticed the clipboard in Buck’s other hand, “It’s Clipboard Buck, RC, he’s not fucking with you.” 

“Fuck.” Cairney stood anyway and followed Buck so he could go and get the charger sorted. 

After a few hours of Buck and Ravi handling charger distribution Eddie finally went on the hunt for his husband. Well, he knew where Buck was, he knew what Buck was doing, and he was more than happy to let him have his fun, but it was time that Buck a) ate something, b) stopped being a menace, and c) got some sleep. 

Eddie stepped up to the desk Buck and Ravi were behind, “Hey guys.” 

“Hey Eddie.” Ravi greeted, smile wide and genuine. 

“Buck, do you maybe wanna take a break?” Buck didn’t look up from whatever was on his clipboard (Eddie didn’t know, considering everything had been handwritten so far, so it’s not like he was looking over actual forms or anything), occasionally scribbling, “Buck, you need to put the clipboard down and step away for a bit.” 

“I’m managing the flow of assets, this place will turn into Lord Of The Flies if I don’t.” 

Eddie and Ravi shared a confused look, “I, uh, don’t think you remember that book quite right bud.” Eddie told him, “And I think we can all be trusted to not hog the chargers.” 

Buck finally looked up and glared at Eddie, “Without me you wouldn’t even know about these, I’m doing a public service.” 

Eddie crossed his arms, pulling his ‘don’t argue with me’ face, “Buck, I’m not gonna ask you again, you’re taking a break and that’s final.” He reached out and snatched the clipboard from Buck’s hands and looked at it, whilst it was mainly a list of names, times and signatures there were also doodles all around the edges of little fire trucks and firefighters, a few different kinds of phones and even one of Buck and Ravi sat at their desk. He then flipped the page to find one without any writing, just more doodles, scribbly ballpoint portraits of the 118 and a game of tic-tac-toe. 

“And here I was thinking your artistic days were over.” Eddie chuckled as he turned to Ravi, “He used to make sand sculptures of dicks in Afghanistan.” 

“Why were you in Afghanistan?” Ravi asked, looking at Buck, nothing but confusion on his face.

Buck and Eddie looked at each other and then back at Ravi in unison, “That’s where we met.” Eddie eventually said. 

“Eddie was an army medic.” Buck added. 

Ravi scoffed, “Well, I know that, but why were you there?” 

“I was a Navy SEAL.” 

The look on Ravi’s face went from confusion to shock, “You were?” 

“Yeah, everyone knows this.” He then turned to Eddie, “Everyone knows this, right?” 

Eddie shrugged, “I mean, I thought they did, maybe not.” 

“No, no, I heard about it, but I thought everyone was messing with me.” Ravi explained, “Jock told me when I started that I shouldn’t mess with you because you were a SEAL and  you’ll kill me, but I just thought he was fucking with me, even when Chim and Bassey backed him up. I mean, sure, you get all yell-y and scary, but, you know, I didn’t think you’d actually kill me.” 

Buck and Eddie both burst out laughing at that, “Jock told you what?” Buck wheezed. 

“That’s amazing, has he been telling all the Probie’s that?” 

“Oh my God, I bet he does, that’s why Tegan was so skittish around me for, like, the first three months.” Buck wiped a tear from his eye, “That’s too funny.” 

“Did he tell you to watch out for me too?” Eddie asked, still chuckling away. 

“Uh, no?” 

Ravi’s response and Eddie’s ensuing disappointment only made Buck laugh harder. 

“What? I was in the army too, I’m scary!” 

“As a medic. SEALs are way scarier than medics Eds. My lot have a reputation for being kickass killers, medics have kinda the opposite.” Buck stood, “Ah, I gotta go congratulate Jock on this.” He clapped a hand to Ravi’s shoulder, “Thanks for the laugh man, I needed that.” 

Athena burst into the apparatus bay, “Bobby, Buck, where are you?” She didn’t care about her volume even though it was late and multiple people were trying to sleep. Bobby sat up from his cot whilst Buck clattered down the stairs, “We need to talk.” She then dragged them through to Bobby’s office.

As soon as the door was shut she turned to them, “Harry’s gone.” 

Bobby’s face fell, “What?” 

“Jeffery Hudson took him, and we don’t know where.” 

“Where was he last seen?” Buck asked, voice as neutral and cold as humanly possible, Athena had heard him like this before but it never made it any less disconcerting, the hardened, cold expression that accompanied it only making the uncanny valley feeling worse. He’d gone and pushed his feelings down and fallen back into the familiar SEAL headspace he relied on when his feels threatened to overwhelm him but he couldn’t afford to break down. 

Athena and Bobby both saw it for what it was, Buck getting ready to fix this, not letting anything stand in his way no matter the cost, “He was at the house, with Micheal and David, but they had practically the whole neighbourhood round as we’re the only ones with a generator.” 

Buck nodded, “Then that’s where we’re going to start. Athena, call Captain Maynard and have her meet us at the house, Bobby I’m taking the Captain’s truck, I need you to call May and make sure she’s accounted for, and then make sure she stays at dispatch.” 

“Buck!” Bobby called after him as he powered out of the office and into the apparatus bay, heading to the box they stored all of the keys in, “You need to calm down and think for a second.” 

He turned to Bobby, keys clutched in his hand, “I am calm.” 

“No, you're shutting down, there’s a difference.” 

“The semantics don’t matter right now.” He turned to leave, only for Bobby to call out, matching his energy. 

“Chief Petty Officer Grant-Nash, you are going to come back here this instant.” Buck stopped in his tracks, really wishing he didn’t feel the need to acknowledge rank like this anymore, but every time his rank was used, years of training and service coupled with his OCD made it impossible to ignore. 

Buck straightened up and turned to face Bobby standing to attention. In his periphery he could see everyone’s eyes were on them, the members of A-shift had seen this before, it was rare and had been a couple of years but they had seen it, but B and C shift had no idea what was happening. 

The station was so quiet you could’ve heard a pin drop, “Did I order you to leave?” 

“No sir.” 

Bobby held his palm out, “Give me the keys, Officer.” He handed them over, “Back to my office. Now.” Buck marched out, Athena and Bobby following behind. 

There were a few more beats of silence before Eddie huffed loudly and made his way downstairs and over to Bobby’s office, knocking on the door and slipping in. 

“Well, whatever just happened means we’re in for a lot of fun.” Chim scoffed, sarcasm lacing his tone. 

“Not my circus, not my SEAL.” Hen added, stepping away from the banister. 

“We can’t just sit around here and do nothing.” Buck argued, arms crossed as he stared Bobby down. 

“And we’re not, but we need a plan first.” 

“I have a plan, I already told you, so let’s go.” 

“Buck-“ 

“Staff Sergeant Diaz-“ 

“No, Buck, we’re not doing this, you need to get out of this headspace right now because you’re going to get yourself hurt, or killed, and I can’t have that.” Eddie snapped, “We’re going to focus on getting Harry back but you are not leading this search, you’re going to be Buck Grant-Nash Diaz, Harry’s concerned stepbrother, not Chief Petty Officer Grant-Nash, is that clear?” 

“Fuck this, I’ve already got a plan, and it doesn’t involve me running in all guns blazing, so we’re going to the Grant-Nash house, talking to Michael and David and then strategist with Captain Maynard, take it from there.” 

Athena sighed, “Buck’s right, I would’ve said the exact same thing.” 

“Thank you Athena.” Buck then looked at the others in the room, “So are we going or what?” 

“Buck, I think you should stay here.” Bobby suggested, even though he knew Buck would fight back. 

Surprisingly it was Athena who spoke next, “No, Buck should come with us, he’s got the skill set we need,” She then directed the last part of her sentence at Buck, “Even if I don’t like seeing you force your emotions down we need the Navy SEAL version of you for this.” 

He nodded his thanks at Athena before holding his hand out to Bobby, “Can I have the keys please.” 

“No, I’m driving.” Bobby told him, leaving the office, the others following behind. 

“Bobby, Buck, Eddie, your station needs you. Whilst we don’t have much information there isn’t really anything we can do, so it might be best for you to head back.” Captain Maynard said. 

“We can help,” Eddie protested, “In any way you need.” 

“Right now, the city needs you to be firefighters.” 

Bobby nodded, “We’re just a phone call away.” He promised, “Call us as soon as you need anything.” 

“Of course.” Athena said, giving him a quick kiss. 

Eddie nodded, agreeing with Bobby, even if he didn’t want to leave. He placed a hand on Buck’s shoulder, encouraging him to follow on, but Buck didn’t move. “Buck? Come on, there’s nothing we can do.”

“Actually,” Athena said, “I’d like Buck to stay.” 

Buck didn’t even question it, he knew he was going to stay, he was going to make it happen regardless, “I’ll need to run home and grab some things, that’s not a problem, right?” 

“What do you need? We might be able to provide something.” Captain Maynard suggested. 

“I’d preferably like to get out of my uniform and grab my gun.” 

Maynard nodded, “Me, you and Athena can travel there together, so if any information comes through we won’t need to regroup.” 

“Buck, are you sure this is a good idea?” Eddie asked, pulling his husband aside briefly whilst the rest of the details were ironed out.

Buck nodded, “It’s Harry, Eddie, my brother, it doesn’t matter if this is a good idea or not, there’s no other options here.” 

“I understand. But I need you to be careful, because he may be dangerous but you’re even more so, so I need you to look after yourself. Can you promise me that?” 

“I promise.” 

Eddie placed both hands onto his biceps, “I love you so much Buck, with everything I have, so you’d better come back in one piece, for my sake, and for Christophers.” 

Buck placed a hand on Eddie’s cheek, “You make it sound like I’m being deployed, Mister Military.” 

“Well, it kinda feels like you are.” 

“But I’m not, as soon as this blackout is over and Harry is home, I’ll be in our bed right next to you in one piece, don’t worry.” 

“I’m holding you to that.” Eddie then stepped back and lightly slapped Buck’s bicep, “Now go get your brother Chief Petty Officer Grant-Nash Diaz.” 

“And you go save some citizens Firefighter Grant-Nash Diaz.” Buck took a deep breath to psych himself up and then left to join Athena and Maynard as they left for the car. 

Athena left the car first and headed up to the barrier, getting through without much trouble. Buck watched on from the car, giving her space so it looked like she was coming alone should Jeffrey be watching. 

After around five minutes he got out of the car and headed over. 

Whilst Athena had decided to hide her gun on her person, Buck hadn’t bothered, keeping it on his hip. The people running the protected zone shouldn’t have a problem with him packing considering everyone patrolling were too. 

The group of people patrolling the perimeter all stopped as soon as they saw him. “I’d turn around if I were you.” One of the women said, she seemed like the leader of the group, “This place is for those who want to escape the restrictive laws that have been forced upon us.” 

“Good thing that’s what I’m looking for.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

Buck crossed his arms, staring the woman down, “I’m an ex-Navy SEAL, dishonourably discharged for something I didn’t do. I could use a place to lay low whilst the fuckers who did this are still on the war path.” Buck was usually a terrible liar but he was so focused on getting to Jeffrey and Harry it convincingly rolled off of his tongue. 

“Navy, huh? You loyal to that? Because it’s not just cops we don’t want here, you soldiers also aren’t welcome.” 

“After what they did to me? The Navy can burn in hell.” He spat. Even though it was all a lie his feelings towards the Navy were mixed. This killer they turned him into? He hated them for that, even if it was his choice to go along with it he’d been eighteen and impressionable, something the Navy took advantage of as they molded him into who they needed him to be. But it’s how he’d met Eddie, it gave him purpose when he felt like his life was falling apart, and when he didn’t know who he was it gave him someone to be.

The woman seemed satisfied with his answer so moved aside and let him in. 

His phone pinged with a message from Athena as he crossed into the zone, telling him to meet her in the metro station. 

“I’m here Jeffrey, I came alone, now tell me where my son is.” Athena demanded, aiming her gun at him. 

“You know what Sargent, I think I’ve changed my mind, afterall you took something from me, I think it’s only fair I take something in return.” He had a massive smirk on his face, clearly enjoying playing with her. 

Athena scowled, “I did everything you asked me to, so give me my son.” 

“You did, didn’t you? You even followed me down here and now you’re stuck in the dark, alone, with me. Did you really think that was a good idea?” 

It was Athena’s turn to smirk, “Oh, I didn’t follow you down here, I chased you.”

“What?”

“I have you right where I want you, scumbag.” 

“You really need to learn to check your surroundings.” Buck appeared as if out of nowhere at Jeffrey’s side, pressing his gun to the man’s temple. 

“I’m almost offended, did you really think I’d be so stupid as to come down here alone, in the dark? No, I brought backup, and I brought some light.” As if on cue the lights on the 118’s engine came on, illuminating the tunnel. 

“Now, you’re going to put your gun on the ground, put your hands up where I can see them and then turn to face me.” Buck commanded. Thankfully Jeffrey was smart enough to listen, bending down slowly so he could place the gun down, as he stood, raising his hands, Buck kicked it away, the weapon clattering onto the tracks. 

Once Jeffrey was facing him Buck held the gun to his forehead, the threat obvious, “Tell me where Harry is.” Jeffrey remained silent, shit eating grin on his face, refusing to talk, “I said, tell me where the fuck Harry is.” Buck demanded.

“Or what? You’ll kill me?” Jeffery mocked, “You kill me and I can’t tell you anything.” He looked just as smug as he felt, pushing his forehead against the muzzle of the gun, challenging him. 

But Buck wasn’t rattled. “I’m not going to kill you Jeffrey. Because you’re right, you won’t be able to tell us where you’ve taken him. I’ll still shoot you, it just won’t be a kill shot. No, you see Jeff, can I call you Jeff?” He didn’t wait for a response, instead toying with the man to give himself the upper hand, “You see Jeff, my early twenties were spent out in Afghanistan, and I can’t tell you about most of what I did, because it’s classified, but I can tell you that I understand the human body and its pain tolerance very well. So here’s what’s going to happen, you’re going to tell me where Harry is or I’ll blow your fingers off one by one, then your toes and then your knee caps. And if you still won’t tell me I’m going to start ripping teeth out. Is that clear? So tell me, where the fuck did you take Harry Grant.” 

A sadistic smile broke out across Jeffery’s face, “You’re cute, but I know all about Athena Grant and her family, and I know a lot about you, how you’re all bark and no bite, you couldn’t hurt a fly. You really think I’d buy the classified Afghanistan lie?” He began to laugh maliciously but was cut off by Buck quickly moving the gun from his forehead to aim at his hand, perfectly hitting his middle finger. 

“You want to try that again?” Buck bit as Jeffery wailed in pain. 

Everyone in the fire engine tensed, Eddie most of all. He’d never liked this side of Buck, but when they’d cross paths in Afghanistan he got it, he felt safe. But seeing this side of Buck in LA was wrong and it terrified him. He also knew that as soon as Jeffery was handled and Harry was safe, as soon as Buck allowed himself to actually feel again, it would destroy him, because Buck also didn’t like this version of himself, it’s one of the reasons he eventually left the SEALs after seven years of service. 

Jeffery didn’t say anything too busy howling in pain as he held his hand to his chest, “Fucking tell me you cunt!” Buck yelled, voice ringing through the tunnel. 

“Valencia.” He cried, trying to get the words out through the pain. 

“Specifics or you lose another finger.” He growled, “And you know I’m not bullshitting you now. I promise if you don’t lead us straight to him I am going to take you apart bit by bit and I won’t stop until you are nothing but pulp.” 

“There’s an unfinished housing development in Valencia, it’s house 4827, first door on the right, top floor. He’s in the wall, under the ‘D’ in the graffiti that says ‘Doug’.” 

Buck nodded, “Good.” He didn’t turn away from Jeffrey but directed his voice at Athena, “He’s all yours Sargent.” 

“You said I could leave.” He spat.

“No I didn’t. That was all her. But I’m happy to follow her lead, only I’d say you’re in dire need of medical assistance, which means you can’t avoid the cops.” Buck shrugged, “Should’ve just cooperated in the first place.” 

“Fuck you.” He held his bloodied hand to his chest, “I thought it was bad enough your mother shooting my dick off, now I’m missing a fucking finger because of you.” In a moment of rage Jeffery grabbed Buck’s wrist with his good hand and tried to disarm him, Buck followed the curving motion of his arm and used it to aim at Jeffrey's chest, pulling the trigger and managing to land a shot straight through his right lung. 

Jeffrey collapsed to the floor and instantly began drowning in his own blood, the liquid pouring from his chest whilst also bubbling up and out of his mouth. Buck holstered the gun and stepped back, the part of his brain that was solely inhabited by being a SEAL was at the forefront of his mind right now, the part of his brain that told him to kill, not save, so he just stood there and did nothing as Hen, Chimney and Eddie rushed over to try and save him. 

“Red-” But he turned away before Eddie could say anything, instead jumping off of the platform, crossing the tracks and pulling himself up on the other side. 

“Let’s go.” He told Athena, the woman sparing a glance to the group of firefighters trying to keep Jeffrey alive, even though it was a futile attempt. She turned and followed Buck out, the pair heading to the surface. 

Once Harry was safe the 118 began to head back to the station. Eddie didn’t really want to, but the blackout was still in full swing so emergency recall was still in place, he didn’t have a choice. 

But Eddie wanted to be at home when Buck finally snapped out of it, granted he was no longer a SEAL hell bent on getting answers, instead having shut down completely as he sat silently in the truck as they drove back to the station. But as soon as something shook Buck out of the fog he was in Eddie knew all hell would break loose and he didn’t want that at the station, for everyone’s sake. 

So when the universe wasn’t on their side it didn’t shock Eddie. 

Buck was the last one to slide out of the engine, the fog lifting as soon as he took in the familiar surroundings of his second home. He locked eyes with Eddie who could see the exact moment Buck truly processed what had happened, so before he could react Eddie guided Buck away from prying eyes, slipping into Bobby’s office following a nod of understanding from the older man. 

As soon as the door was closed Eddie pulled Buck into his arms and held on as tightly as he could whilst guiding him to the floor. It didn’t take him long to get Buck lying down with Eddie on top of him, acting like a weighted blanket. 

Once they were settled it only took seconds for Buck’s emotions to finally come pouring out in loud sobs, his whole body practically convulsing with them. Eddie gently talked him through his breathing, letting Buck get his emotions out of his system. 

When Buck had calmed down enough to talk, words began to just fall out of him, “I can’t believe I did that. Fuck. Eddie, I killed him. I- I killed him and I shot his finger off, fuck, Jesus, Eddie, I did that, I did that, why did I do that, I shouldn’t have done that. Please tell me I didn’t do that.” 

“You know I can’t do that bud.” Eddie really wished he could lie, but Buck knew, he knew what he’d done, he just didn’t want to believe it right now. 

“I didn’t need to kill him, Eddie, and I did it anyway, he could’ve lived, oh God, I should’ve listened to you, I should’ve pushed back against my instincts and not let myself become the Red Eyed Robot. I should’ve stayed at the station, people can’t see this version of me, I don’t want them to, I can’t have them know. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. They’ve all seen it.”

Eddie’s heart broke, as much as he wanted to agree, tell Buck that he should’ve stayed, he should’ve ignored the training that was drilled into him at eighteen, he knew it wouldn’t help. Besides at the end of the day it’s what the situation had needed, no one else would’ve been able to do it, not that effectively. Buck was six foot two and buff as hell, he could look scary with ease but as soon as he added the SEAL mentality he was terrifying.  

As the only other person at the house with a military background even Eddie wouldn’t have been able to do it, his military headspace was nothing like that, he was a medic, he wouldn’t have been able to get Jeffery to talk the way Buck had. Buck broke, Eddie fixed, that’s how it’d been in Afghanistan, and Jeffrey had required breaking. 

“You did what you had to do, you saved Harry. If you hadn’t done what you did, who knows what could’ve happened. Yes, there’s a good chance Athena would’ve gotten the answers, she’s Athena, but there was a much higher chance of us not finding him without you. You did what you had to to save our family.” 

“How can I be a good father if I’m willing to kill so easily?” 

“But you don’t kill easily, you had to push yourself into an extreme headspace to get to that place. And you went that far because your family was in danger, your brother needed you and you did everything you could to get to him.” Eddie pressed a kiss to Buck’s forehead, “You fought to protect your family, that’s why you’re such a phenomenal father.” 

Hen, Chimney and Bobby were all gathered in the loft, none of them really knowing what to say after everything they’d just seen. They could hear the occasional sob coming from Bobby’s office, making them tense each time. 

“That was-” Chimney wasn’t able to finish the sentence, at a loss for words.  

Thankfully Hen and Bobby knew exactly what he meant, nodding in agreement. 

“Cap, you ever seen him that bad before?” Hen asked. 

Bobby shook his head, “No, no I haven’t. I don’t know if he’s ever been that deep in it, even when he was serving. But it’s hard to say, I don’t really know much about his time out there past the fact that he was there and he met Eddie.” 

“He did say a lot of it was classified.” Chim pointed out, “I mean, that explains why we don’t know much about his time out there.”

“And how he managed to do all of that without even flinching.” Hen added. 

Bobby sighed, “There’s also a chance he wasn’t telling the whole truth to Jeffrey, it might not be classified, he just doesn’t like talking about it.” 

“Maybe, but after all that, I have a feeling he was telling the truth, or as much of it as he’s allowed to. I mean have you ever seen him lie convincingly?” 

“Hen’s got a point, he’s a terrible liar.” Chim looked down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs as he took everything in, “I get that he’s your kid Cap, you don’t want to think he’s capable of something like that, but he was far too good for that to be the first time he’s done that.” 

“Has he ever said why he left the SEALs?” 

Bobby shrugged, “Just that he wanted to settle down with Eddie and doing that whilst the both of them were serving took away the ability to have that domesticity they wanted.” 

Hen and Chim shared a look before the former spoke, “And do you think he was telling the truth?”

“I do, just not the whole truth.” 

“Eddie, can I ask,” Hen began, walking up to stand beside the man in question as he was washing up at the sink, “In Afghanistan-”

“Whatever you’re about to ask, don’t.” He snapped, before taking a deep breath to calm himself, shoulders sagging, “Sorry, sorry, uh, I know you’re about to ask about Buck but I don’t actually know much other than from when our paths crossed. But he wasn’t lying, a lot of what he did is classified, the only people who know are his higher ups and his team, and that’s not changing any time soon.” 

“But was he always like… that?” 

Eddie dropped his head and braced his hands against the counter, “Yup, yeah, he could be, when it was called for. He calls that version of himself the ‘Red Eyed Robot’, you’ve never seen the full state before today, but that’s the first him I met.” He turned around and leant against the sink, arms crossed, “You know, the first time our paths crossed, it was pretty quick, his team just appeared out of nowhere and gave backup during a major firefight, but as soon as it was over they were gone, almost like they’d never been there. But Buck was ruthless and a fucking good shot, his aim is insane, but he saved my life that day, managed to take out a guy trying to shoot me like it was nothing, single shot, right between the eyes. The second time his team stuck around though, we’d been cornered in this derelict town and it didn’t look like help was coming but the Navy must’ve picked up on our mayday and sent the SEALs in. 

“I don’t know where they came from or where they were headed to but they set up camp with us for the night. And that’s when I got to meet Buck, well Evan I guess, rather than Chief Petty Officer Buckley, aka the Red Eyed Robot, his nickname was actually ‘Red’. God, I fell in love with him instantly, he was funny and kind and a massive dork, it was almost impossible to remember that they were the same person as he taught me about all the different constellations we could see. 

“I only ever saw him get that deep into it once before. We must’ve been about twenty two, I hadn’t seen him for, God, six months maybe? Bumped into his team a few times but they wouldn’t tell me where he was past ‘it’s classified’. But when he was finally back we crossed paths, the SEALs needed a few extra hands and we were the nearest team. And Buck, well, Red, was brutal, I don’t know why we were called in as it looked like Red could take them on all by himself and win.  

“But Buck hates that version of himself, because that’s not him, it’s the person the Navy programmed him to be, but it’s hard to shake conditioning, especially conditioning like that.” 

“Maddie, you don’t have to do this, please.” Eddie didn’t know what Maddie was going to do but whatever it was wasn’t good, “We can get you help, I promise, just please don’t go.” Buck was silent as Maddie spoke, Eddie couldn’t hear what she’d said but whatever it was got a dejected sigh out of the other man, his shoulders slumping, all energy and fight leaving his body. His head dropped forward and he pinched the bridge of his nose, “Right, right, okay, I hear you, I promise.” He hung up the phone, arms going lax, elbows on his knees, phone loosely held in his hand. 

Eddie came and sat next to him, a gentle hand between Buck’s shoulder blades, “Talk to me man, what’s going on?” Buck shook his head as he sniffled, “Please, let me help.” 

“It’s Maddie,” Buck eventually said, although Eddie had already known that given his husband had said her name multiple times, “She’s gone.” 

“Gone?” 

“She’s leaving, running off, just like she always does.” He let out a bitter laugh, “And I’m not allowed to tell Chim. And she didn’t say where she’s going or for how long. Fuck. Sh- she’s gone, just like that, and I don’t even know if she’s safe.” 

Eddie wrapped him up in a hug, “God, I’m sorry bud, I’m so, so sorry.” Buck relaxed into the embrace, “I hate to say it but we’ve just got to let Maddie do her thing, we’re not going to be able to talk her out of it. But she’ll come back, she always does.” 

“But for how long? Last time it was three years, what if she’s gone for longer this time?” 

“I don’t have the answers for you, I’m sorry.” He really wished he could say something to make everything better, to bring Maddie back and fix it all, but there wasn’t anything he could do. 

There was a knock on the front door. Eddie was at the shops with Chris whilst Buck stayed home as he had some odd jobs around that house that needed doing. 

He wasn’t sure who it could be as Eddie and Chris had only just left and his husband had his keys on him, Carla wasn’t due at the house for another two days and nobody else had arranged to visit. 

Buck checked the peephole and fully opened the door as soon as he saw Chimney on the other side. 

“Chim, hey-” 

Chimney pushed past Buck, entering the house, a piece of paper in hand, “Maddie took Jee to the emergency room, during the blackout. She slipped under the water whilst Maddie was bathing her so she took her in to get checked, but she didn’t tell me. And now she’s gone god knows where-” He suddenly stopped, taking in Buck’s face, “You knew.” He stalked over to him, “You knew, didn’t you? You- you don’t look surprised or, or, or worried, your niece fell underwater and went to the ER and you don’t look shocked. So either you’re a shit uncle or you knew. Which one is it, Buck?” 

Buck took a deep breath, this is what he’d been afraid of, “Yeah, I knew.” He admitted, voice barely above a whisper. 

“Eight days, you knew for eight days and you didn’t say anything, why the fuck didn’t you say anything?” 

“Chim, you’re spiraling. Please just take a second and breathe.” 

“Of course I’m fucking spiralling Buck! My girlfriend has run away, abandoning me and my daughter, and I don’t know if she’s safe. But you knew and you didn’t say anything even though you saw how much this was hurting me.” 

“Maddie-”

“She abandoned you too, Buck. Again. Aren’t you mad? In pain? Because I am, and you didn’t say shit.” 

“Chimney, please-”

Chimney shook his head, furious, “No, no, whatever placating bullshit you have to say to me, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Maddie made me promise not to tell you. She’s my sister, what was I supposed to do?” 

“And I’m your friend.” Chim spat, “Or at least I thought I was, I’m not so sure now.” 

“Chimney, Chim, please just calm down.”

“Fuck you Evan!” Chimney swung for him, Buck was so taken aback by the use of his old name he froze up meaning he wasn’t able to process Chim’s fist until it was too late, the punch connecting solidly with his face. 

Buck crumpled to the floor in a heap, panic taking over as he scuttled away from Chimney, dragging himself along the carpet but never turning his back on the other man until he was pressed up against the wall and curling in on himself. 

He was so busy trying to regulate his breathing that he didn’t hear the front door open and close, too busy focusing on the mantra in his head, ‘You’re in America, you’re home, you’re safe, you’re in America, you’re home, you’re safe, you’re in America, you’re home, you’re safe.’ 

He didn’t know how long he’d been huddled on the floor for but he was startled by a hand on his knee. He jerked away, trying to curl in on himself even more so he could protect his vital organs “No, I won’t tell you anything.” 

“Buck, Buck, it’s me, it’s Eddie, breath for me man.” 

Buck raised his head, “Eddie?” 

Eddie took in a sharp breath as soon as he saw the bruise that was already beginning to develop on Buck’s face, “Jesus, what happened to your face?” Buck’s lip just wobbled as he stared at Eddie in front of him, “Can I touch you?” Buck nodded so Eddie reached out and gently held his face, turning it this way and that so he could get a better look at the damage, “Who did this?” When he didn’t get a response from him he pushed on, “Buck I need you to tell me who did this, please.” 

“Chimney.” He was so quiet Eddie almost missed it. 

Eddie couldn’t believe it, Chimney wasn’t a violent guy, he’d never do something like this, right? “Chimney? Why?”

“He found out that I knew about Jee and the hospital and Maddie leaving.” Tears finally began to slip down his face. 

“He hit you? For that?” Buck nodded. He couldn’t believe it, he was fuming, but he did his best to keep a lid on it, for Buck’s sake. “I’m gonna get you some ice, stay there.” He stood and powered through to the kitchen, filling a small bag with ice and wrapping it in a dish cloth before returning and handing it to Buck, “Keep that on your eye bud.” 

Buck did as he was told but looked around with his other eye, “Where’s Chris?” 

“Just over there.” Eddie pointed to their son who was sitting on the rug, playing with his cuddly firefighter. 

Buck put the ice down and slowly crawled over to his son, running a hand through the kids hair once he got there. Buck gently picked Chris up and held him close, “Hi baby boy.” He greeted. Chris reached up and grabbed one of Buck’s ears, getting a wet chuckle out of the man. “Baba!” 

“Yeah, hey buddy.” 

Eddie smiled as he watched the two interact, but there was a sadness to it too, considering how he’d found his husband when they got home. He grabbed the ice pack off of the floor and took it over to Buck, “Ice goes on the face bud.” He prompted as he handed it over to the other man. 

Buck took it, keeping Chris in one arm, so he could keep his son close whilst he iced his face, “Why don’t we move to the bed?” Eddie asked, “It’ll be more comfortable.” 

Eddie was pissed. He’d managed to stop himself from doing anything stupid whilst he was with Buck, the other man was clearly very fragile at the moment and wouldn’t be able to handle any big, negative emotions, it would just make him shut down. 

But once Buck had settled, making himself at home in bed, watching 90 Day Fiance whilst Chris played in the safety of his playpen, Eddie decided to head out. 

Eddie knocked on Chimney’s door, his car was still outside so he was sure the man was home. 

He saw movement under the door, Chim probably looking out the peephole, but the door didn’t open. Eddie knew he looked pissed so Chimney most definitely knew why he was there. 

He banged on the door again but still got no reply, “I know you’re in there Chimney, I just want to talk.” When there was yet again no answer he kept banging, words falling out of his mouth as he got more riled up, “I know what you did man and it’s not okay. If you think you can pull shit like that and not have to deal with the consequences then you’re wrong. Open the door man, open the fucking door. You owe me an explanation, you owe Buck an apology. You’re a coward, you’re a fucking coward Howard Han, you need to face what you’ve done. You’re lucky I haven’t called the cops, haven’t called Athena, because what you did was illegal. And now you’re hiding from it. If you’ve got the balls to punch a man then you’d better have the balls to face it. Answer the fucking door or I’ll call the cops, I don’t want to do that but you assau-”

The door swung open and Chimney dragged him inside, “Shut up! I have neighbours and a baby!” 

“I wouldn’t have had to do that if you’d just answered the fucking door.” He seethed. 

“What do you want, Eddie?” He watched as Chim bustled around his flat, packing. 

Eddie very easily put the pieces together, didn’t take a genius, “You’re leaving.” He let out a bitter laugh, “Let me guess, you punched him in a fit of anger but forgot he was an ex-SEAL married to an ex-soldier and now you’re scared one of us is going to hunt you down? We wouldn’t dare stoop so low.” 

“I’m not running from you, I’m leaving to look for Maddie.” 

Eddie nodded, “Right, you were going to leave without apologising, weren’t you?” 

Chimney stopped what he was doing, turning to face Eddie, “Look, I didn’t mean to do it, I was angry, but he shouldn’t have kept that from me, so I lashed out, sorry.” 

“I’m not the one you should be apologising to.” Eddie crossed his arms, as he stared Chim down, “Did you know you triggered his PTSD?” 

“What? Buck has-” So clearly he hadn’t, but all of a sudden it dropped into place, Buck’s reaction finally making sense, “Oh.”

“Yeah ‘oh’.” 

“I- I didn’t know.” He stammered, eyes wide. 

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. You’ve met him. He’s an ex-SEAL whose work is classified, that means he’s guaranteed to have seen rough shit, and you don’t come out of that the same.” 

“Do you know what happened to him?” Chim’s voice was soft as he spoke. 

Eddie scoffed, “What part of the word ‘classified’ don’t you understand? Because, let me tell you, Buck takes that word extremely seriously. But even if I did know, I wouldn’t tell you, not after this, even if you could keep a fucking secret.” Eddie took a deep breath, “Look, I’m really fucked off at you and Buck’s really fucking shaken up, but if you want to apologise to him I won’t stop you, I’ll push my feelings aside and welcome you in. But if you want to just go, then go, I won’t stop you, but just know that I’m not gonna forgive you for this.” Eddie turned to leave but Chimney stopped him, calling out. 

“I didn’t mean to do it.” Eddie stopped walking but didn’t turn to face him, “It was instinctive. I was pissed and I’m scared and he knew but he didn’t say anything. Don’t I deserve the truth? He’s my friend, he should tell me these things.” Chimney’s voice rose as he spoke, the anger coming back to him. 

That had Eddie turning around, “His loyalties are to Maddie, yes you’re his friend and he loves you, but Maddie raised him. Not being able to tell you was tearing him up inside but he will always side with Maddie because not only is she his sister, not only is she the surrogate and egg donor for our son, she’s pretty much his mother because she filled that role when no one else would.” Eddie turned to leave again, throwing out a sarcastic “Safe travels.” Before he left.

Chapter Text

Eddie dragged Buck around to the Grant-Nash house under the guise of taking Chris to the park so they could get some fresh air, only for him to drive him to his parents place. 

He’d forewarned them that they were coming and that it wasn’t a social call, Buck needed his parents (and so what if one of them was a cop and the other their Captain, there totally wasn’t an ulterior motive, no way). 

Athena gasped as soon as she saw Buck, “Oh Buckaroo, what happened?” 

Bobby rounded the corner, stepping out of the kitchen to see Buck, “Wha-” as soon as he saw the bruise he froze, suddenly anger came over his face as he closed the gap between the two of them, “Who did this?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” Buck muttered, hugging himself tightly. 

“It does matter.” Bobby stated. 

Eddie looked over at his husband, “If you don’t tell them I will.” 

“Really, it’s fine, let’s just leave it.” 

Athena placed a gentle hand on Buck’s bicep, “Baby, you need to tell us, please.” 

Buck stepped back and tightened his hold, “Please, I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“It was Chimney.” Eddie told them, following through on his threat, “Chimney did it.” 

“Chimney?” Bobby was shocked, “Our Chimney?” 

Eddie nodded, “The one and only.” 

“Alright, I’ll call one of my colleagues and have her go around to his so she can bring him to the station.” 

“No,” Buck shook his head vigorously, “Please don’t Athena, I just want to leave it. I deserved it.” 

Bobby came over and guided Buck over to the couch, encouraging him to sit, “Buck, son, you did not deserve it.” Bobby crouched down in front of him.

“You don’t know what I did.”

“No, but I know you, Howard had no right to hit you. Do you understand me?” Buck looked away, refusing to make eye contact, “Buck, do you understand?” 

“I didn’t tell him.” He muttered. 

Athena came and sat next to him, “Didn’t tell him what Baby?” 

Buck leant into Athena’s side but didn’t speak, pressing his face into her shoulder instead, she began to rub his back, hoping to help soothe him. 

Eddie sat on the armchair across from the couch, Chris in his arms, “Buck, please, you need to talk to them.” 

“I, uh, I knew Maddie was leaving, and I knew Jee had gone to the ER after slipping under the water, but I didn’t tell him like I should’ve.” Buck admitted. 

“Look at me son.” Bobby’s voice was soft but commanding, causing Buck to turn to him, “Why didn’t you tell him?” There was no judgment, Bobby was clearly just trying to get more information so he could logic Buck out of his spiral. 

“Maddie asked me not to.” 

Bobby took a second to collect his thoughts, “Maddie’s important to you. Right?” Buck nodded, “She raised you.” Buck nodded again, “You’d do anything for her.” Another nod, “You’ve known her your whole life.” Yet another nod, “And Howard’s your friend.” Nod, “Who you’ve known for four years.” Nod. Bobby took a deep breath, “When you weigh those up Maddie is clearly the person you should side with, and that’s what you did. You don’t owe Howard anything, especially when Maddie asked you to keep it a secret. Do you understand me?” 

“Yeah, but-”

“No ‘but’s Buck, you did what you had to do.” He placed a gentle hand on Buck’s knee, “But regardless he shouldn’t have hit you, especially over something like this. You did not deserve that, is that clear?” 

Buck huffed but nodded anyway. 

“Can I call my colleague now?” Athena asked.

Buck shook his head, “I don’t want to press charges.” 

“Buck, he assaulted you. And we’ve already established you didn’t deserve it.” Eddie reminded him. 

“No, Jee’s Mum is gone, I can’t take her Dad from her too.” 

“Buck-” Bobby started, only to be shut down immediately. 

“I get it, okay? I get that it was wrong of him, but he loves his kid and I don’t want to press charges, he’s still my friend.” He relaxed into Athena with a sigh, wrapping his arms around her, closing his eyes as he inhaled the comforting scent of her perfume. 

“Do you want to have a lie down?” Athena asked, knowing they weren’t going to get anything else out of him, especially whilst he was this emotionally drained. “I can bring Chris with us too?” She added, hoping the extra incentive would get him up and moving. Buck nodded so she stood, bringing him to his feet and then took Chris from Eddie, knowing Buck would want to be near his son right now,  “Come on, let’s get you two settled.” And then she led him through to the guest room. 

Once they were gone Bobby stood and turned to Eddie, “Coffee?” 

“God, please.” Eddie groaned. 

The pair moved through to the kitchen and Bobby began to sort the drinks out, using the fancy coffee he kept for special occasions, knowing the both of them needed something better than the cheap instant shit. 

Eddie leant back against the counter with his arms crossed, looking at the floor, “It was bad Bobby.” He admitted, “When I got home, he was curled up on the floor, pressed against the wall. I touched his knee to get his attention and he flinched and curled in on himself even further, said something about not telling me anything.” 

“Huh, the curling I get, but the comment? I don’t know what that could be about.” 

“I have a theory, but if I’m right-” Eddie shook his head, “I can’t be right, I don’t want to be.” He looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back tears. 

Bobby frowned as he handed Eddie his coffee, “Yeah?” 

Eddie looked back at Bobby and took the offered drink, “Look, you know that I don’t know anything about Buck’s time in Afghanistan, I don’t know anything about his life between the ages of eighteen and twenty five, minus the times our teams crossed paths, I’m just as in the dark as the rest of you, you know.” He ran his hand down his face, coffee already abandoned on the counter next to him, “When we were twenty-one Buck disappeared for six months, and it wasn’t that his team had been sent elsewhere or that he’d taken leave, because that was probably the period of time I saw them the most but they wouldn’t tell me where Buck was, saying it was ‘classified’. And then when he got back he kept saying he couldn’t tell me anything…” Eddie let out a sad, slightly manic laugh, “Chimney- Howard, he clearly triggered Buck’s PTSD, which has me thinking-” he couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence so powered on with his next thought, “When he came back he was- I saw him- he- he was more intense, more brutal. Like he was with Jeffrey. I think he was-” He choked on his words as tears finally began to dribble down his face, “I can’t say it Bobby, I don’t want to.” 

Bobby walked over so he was facing Eddie, placing comforting hands on his biceps, “You don’t have to, I know what you’re trying to say.” 

Eddie practically threw himself at Bobby, his father-in-law holding him tightly, rubbing his back as Eddie cried, “He was twenty-one.” Eddie sobbed, “He was just a kid.” 

Bobby shushed him soothingly, “I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” He whispered on a loop as he kept rubbing Eddie’s back, the other man crying into his shoulder. 

Athena eventually joined them, Chris still in her arms. She handed her Grandson to Eddie giving her son-in-law a kiss on the cheek before walking over to Bobby, “He’s asleep.” 

“Good, good.” Bobby nodded, more to himself than anyone else as he got his thoughts in order. 

“How was he?” Eddie asked, holding Chris close. 

Athena gave him a sad smile, “Rattled, upset, and yet concerned about Howard.” 

“Selfless bastard.” Eddie tutted, “What are we gonna do about your Baba, huh?” Eddie asked Chris, “He’s too kind for his own good sometimes.” 

“Did he say anything?” Bobby asked, handing Athena a cup of coffee. 

Athena shook her head, “Not really, just a lot of apologies.” 

The two men nodded, before Bobby spoke, “I think I should have a chat with Howard.”

“Uh, I actually already did.” Eddie cringed.

Athena glared at him, a hand on her hip as the other held her mug, “A chat or a telling off?” 

“A telling off? Look, I was pissed, okay? Coming home to find Buck cowering on the floor with a black eye was terrifying, and then finding out it was a member of our family, someone we’ve trusted our son with? I saw red.” As Athena and Bobby both opened their mouths Eddie spoke again, not wanting to give them the wrong idea, “I didn’t hit him. I wanted to, but I didn’t, for Buck’s sake.” 

“I’m proud of you for holding back.” Bobby told him, giving him a soft smile, “Did he say anything?” 

“He’s sorry but seems to think he was justified. And he’s going after Maddie.” 

Bobby nodded, “Okay, he hasn’t told me that so he should still be in town, I’m going to make some calls and have that chat with him.” 

Bobby pulled his phone out of his pocket and called the B-shift Captain to tell him he was coming in to have an extremely important emergency meeting so would be needing the office. Once everything had been arranged with him he called Howard. 

Howard answered the phone after the second ring, “Hey Cap,” He chirped, “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“Howard, we need to have a meeting, I expect to see you in my office in an hour, don’t be late.” 

“Cap? Everything okay?” The worry in his voice was evident, it was weird being called Howard, especially by Bobby, so he knew something was up. 

“My office, an hour.” With that he hung up. 

Bobby chucked his uniform on before walking back into the kitchen, “I’m seeing Howard at the station in an hour,” He informed them, “I’m going to head off now as I’ve got paperwork I’ll need to fill out, but I’ll do dinner once I’m home.” 

Athena gave Bobby a kiss, “Okay, look after yourself and do right by our boy.” 

“Of course.” He then patted Eddie on the shoulder, “Stay for dinner, kid, okay?” 

Eddie nodded, “Sure thing, Pops.” 

And with that he left. 

There was a knock on the office door, “Come in.” Bobby called. The door swung open to reveal Howard, “Firefighter Han, come in and have a seat.” He indicated the chair on the opposite side on the desk with an open palm. 

“Everything okay Cap?” Howard shuffled awkwardly over to the chair and took a seat, body language screaming uncertainty. 

Bobby clasped his hands on the table, staring Howard down, “I hear you’re going to head off and look for Maddie.” Bobby’s voice was nothing but professional, his tone cold and direct. 

“Uh, y- yeah. I was planning on talking to you about it tomorrow.” He stuttered, getting more and more confused with every second. 

Bobby nodded, “I think it’s a good idea, it’ll give you something to do whilst you’re on suspension.” 

Howard’s jaw dropped, “I’m sorry, what?” 

“You did assault a firefighter, correct?” Howard’s mouth flapped open and closed like a fish, “I’ve seen the evidence of what you’ve done, and I’m sure you know that’s something I do not tolerate in my firehouse. I’ve spoken to Grant-Nash and he doesn’t want to press charges but as the both of you’s Captain I’ve decided to put you on unpaid suspension, indefinitely. Once you’ve come back from your trip I’ll talk to Grant-Nash again and then we’ll have another meeting and reassess the situation. Depending on how safe Grant-Nash feels with you around and whether I feel you can work professionally without assaulting anyone else, I’ll decide whether to allow you back to work, try and have you reassigned to another house, most likely on the other side of the city, or to fire you. Is that clear?” 

“Y- yeah.” Howards gave him a jerky nod. 

“Good.” Bobby slid some paperwork over to him, “I need you to sign this for me and then you’re free to go. Your suspension will begin immediately so you won’t be required for your shift tomorrow, nor will you need to find cover. Until I say otherwise you’re not a member of the 118 and I expect you to stay away from the station unless I explicitly tell you to come in, do you understand?” 

He looked shell shocked, “Yes Captain, I understand.” 

As soon as Howard was finished signing the paperwork Bobby took it back, “You’re free to go Firefighter Han.” And with that he left. 

“Chimney is suspended?” Hen stormed up the stairs and over to the kitchen area where Bobby was cooking and Buck and Eddie were sitting on the stools, chatting with him. 

Bobby looked up at her whilst Eddie turned to face her. Buck however kept his head down, refusing to engage. “Yes.” Bobby simply said. 

Hen scoffed, “Can I ask why?” 

“He broke my trust and assaulted one of my firefighters.” He told her. Of course he had no problems with Hen, she hadn’t been involved but Bobby was trying to stay as professional as possible in the discussions around Howard whilst it was still fresh, hence why his phrasing was so direct, voice professionally neutral. 

Hen’s face dropped, “He did what?” 

“He punched Buck.” Eddie told her as Buck deflated even more, resting the side of his face on his crossed arms that were resting on the counter. 

“He- h-”

“He didn’t tell you that part, did he?” Eddie’s voice had a bitter undertone that was clearly aimed at Howard not Hen, “He only told you he’d been suspended, right?” 

“Yeah, he did.” Hen was trying to put the pieces together, “I- I’m sorry, if I’d know- Jesus, I’m so sorry about how I walked into this, shit.” 

Bobby relaxed, a soft smile gracing his face, “It’s fine, you didn’t know. I’m sorry about our energy, we’re all trying to stay as professional as possible right now.” 

“No, no, that’s okay, I get it.” She came and sat in the free seat next to Buck. She placed a gentle hand between Buck’s shoulder blades, “I’m sorry Buckaroo. How are you feeling?” Buck let out an incoherent mumble, his words muffled by his arms, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” He lifted his head and looked at Hen but as soon as she saw the bruise on his face she hissed in sympathy, “Oh, Buck, come here.” She pulled him into her arms and held him close, “Do you need anything?” He shook his head, “Okay, but if that changes let me know.” 

Buck knew he shouldn’t fight back, but they’d threatened Chris and every cell in his body spurred him on, his fight or flight instinct kicking in. And unfortunately for him his body chose fight, so before he could fully think through his actions he was lunging at Mitchell, only to be pistol whipped so hard he lost consciousness, dropping to the ground like a sack of potatoes. 

When it looked like Eddie was about to make a move to see to Buck, Mitchell stepped over the unconscious man and aimed his gun at Eddie, denying him access to his partner, “Dom,” He threw over his shoulder, “I think our friend down here is going to be trouble, see if you can find anything in the ambulance to make sure he behaves.” 

After a minute Dominic returned, “I’ve got two options,” He said, holding up both hands, “Medical,” He shook one of the vials he’d found in one hand, “Or physical.” He then shook the duct tape that was in the other, “Or we could use both, really make sure he doesn’t become a problem.” 

“I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I already have,” Although he was speaking to Dominic he was looking at Eddie, a calculated look in his eyes, “So let’s use both. For his own safety.” 

Eddie panicked, these guys weren’t medics, if they gave Buck the wrong dosage they could kill him, “You don’t need to sedate him, I can make sure he doesn’t cause any more problems, I promise.” 

Mitchell analysed Eddie for a moment, clearly playing it up, “Mh, considering you weren’t about to stop him from lunging I’m not so sure.” He then threw his voice over his shoulder again, “Dom, sedate the kid and then tie him up.” 

The smile on Dominic’ face was terrifying as he climbed back into the ambulance and grabbed a syringe. 

“Please, don’t.” Eddie wasn’t above begging, especially when it came to Buck, “Please, you might kill him.” 

Dominic merely brushed him off as he left the ambulance and squatted down next to Buck, “He’s a big boy and this is a small vial, he’ll be fine.” Once he’d administered the drug (Eddie wasn’t sure what he’d used, too many possible options in the rig for him to guess, but he’d used a full syringe, half of the vial gone) Dominic grabbed the duct tape and tied Buck’s wrists together and then his ankles, finally putting a strip over his mouth, just to be safe. He then slid his hands under Buck’s armpits and dragged him to the ambulance, only instead of dumping his body in the back he took him to the front and chucked him into the footwell of the passenger side, his long limbs contorted uncomfortably. 

The fact that he wouldn’t be able to see Buck freaked him out even more than he already had been, he wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on him, he couldn’t make sure Dominic hadn’t given him too much of whatever drug he’d found. 

The drive to the hospital was long and tense, Eddie doing everything he could to keep Mahoney alive, whilst also trying to keep an ear out for Buck, not that there was anything for him to hear, his husband out cold (hopefully). 

But eventually they made it to the hospital and Dominic was taking Mahoney out and into the ER. 

Finding out that the cops were outside filled Eddie with hope, more hope than he’d had since Dominic and Mitchell had first drawn their guns on him and Buck. 

“Look man, there’s no way you’re getting out of this.” Eddie told him, “If you don’t surrender peacefully they’ll shoot you.” 

“I’m not here to escape.” Mitchell eventually snapped, “I’m here to donate my heart.” And then it all clicked into place. Mitchell had done the bare minimum in terms of violence on his way out, he’d mainly just instigated a riot and beat up the two guards which, all things considered, was rather mild. 

“So why the breakout? Did you really need to stage a whole riot for this?” 

“Yes.” He snapped, “They won’t let me donate it as I’m on death row.”

“So you were what? Going to force them? What was the plan here Mitchell?” 

As Mitchell sat and explained everything to Eddie he did his best to sympathise and talk him down, finally getting him to agree to surrender and promising to help him get to donate his heart to his son. 

Eddie slowly stepped out of the ambulance “We’re coming out, he’s surrendering.” He called out, arms raised. Mitchell followed closely behind only for a gunshot to ring out far too close to his ears. Eddie knew exactly what that meant so he whipped around and immediately dropped to the ground and began chest compressions, all of his focus on keeping his heart going so it would be viable for transplant. 

He wasn’t sure when but suddenly someone was taking over compressions and Mitchell was being rushed into the ER, the surgeons being prepped to remove the donated organ. 

Eddie stayed on the ground, dazed and confused from all of the chaos that had just gone down. It wasn’t until Bobby was by his side (when did Bobby get here?) that he snapped out of it, “Eddie, where’s Buck?” The fear on Bobby’s face was overwhelming. 

Eddie’s breath hitched, “Front of the ambo.” He managed to get out, voice trembling as he began to crash as the adrenalin left his body. 

Bobby stood as Hen came over to check Eddie out, making sure there weren’t any hidden injuries. He pulled the door open to find Buck still out cold, dried blood caking one side of his face. 

“They drugged him,” Eddie said, appearing behind Bobby, having brushed Hen off so he could see his husband with his own eyes, “I don’t know what with, but they used a lot of it.” 

Bobby lifted the kid out of the footwell and laid him down on the ground, pulling his knife out of his pocket and slicing through the duct tape and pulling the strip from over his mouth. Hen then swooped in to check his vitals and make sure he was okay. 

“I need a gurney in here.” She called out, causing Eddie to panic, “He’s fine Eddie, he’s going to be fine.” She assured him. 

Buck came back to himself slowly, all the sounds and smells that were commonplace in hospitals assaulting his senses. But the one thing he processed that actually felt important was the warm hand in his, a hand that he could, quite literally, place with his eyes closed. 

He mumbled out an “Eddie?”, definitely missing out a letter or two as he tried to get his groggy mind and dry mouth to corporate. 

“Hey Bud.” Buck slowly peeled his eyes open to see the man in question smiling at him from a chair at his bedside. 

“The fuck happened?” He groaned, trying to recall the memories that led to him being admitted to yet another hospital. 

Eddie squeezed his hand, “What’s the last thing you remember.” 

Buck’s brow furrowed as he waded through the memories in his head, his mind still sluggish but beginning to become more alert, “Uh, the ambulance, the guards weren’t really guards, they-” Buck’s eyes went wide, trying to get out of bed as he panicked, “Chris, is Chris okay?”

Eddie shushed him, placing his freehand on Buck’s cheek, guiding him to look at him, “Hey, hey, he’s safe. Mitchell is dead and Dominic is in custody.” Buck visibly relaxed at that, letting out a content hum. 

He felt the grogginess taking over again, beginning to feel sleep winning over, but he tried to keep talking “A- and w- what happened to m…” He wasn’t able to finish the sentence, losing the fight against sleep. 

The next time Buck woke up Eddie was still there, although this time he had Chris in his lap.

“Hey man, good morning.” Eddie greeted him with a large smile, “Look, Baba’s awake.” He told Chris, pointing at Buck in the bed.

“Hello Baba!” 

“Hey Buddy.” He waved at his son and pulled a funny face, even though he was still groggy, “Hey Eds.” Eddie leant over and gave him a kiss before settling back into the chair. “So fill me in, how the fuck did I end up out cold in the hospital?” 

“Uh, do you remember getting pistol whipped by Mitchell?” Eddie asked, Buck shook his head, only for him to immediately regret the action as it caused a spike of pain, the hit must’ve impacted his memory. “Well, he pistol whipped you so bad he knocked you out. He then decided to tie you up and sedate you. Whatever it was they used, it was a large dosage so you’ve been out for quite a while.” 

“That explains why I feel so nauseous.” 

“Are you going to hurl?” Eddie asked, Buck nodded, looking a bit green. “Okay, okay, hang tight.” He propped Chris on his hip so he could get Buck something to throw up in as he started to look more and more green. 

He eventually found a cardboard bed pan thing and handed it over just in time for Buck to bring up everything he’d eaten. 

Eventually he was done and swapped out the vomit for water, “Do you feel stable enough to hold Chris? Or are you a bit shaky, I know how you get after sedation.” Eddie asked, once he’d taken the cup back. Buck shook his head, looking absolutely gutted, “That’s okay man, plenty of time for Chris cuddles later.” 

Buck’s phone rang at three in the morning, pulling him out of a restless sleep, his dreams filled with gunshots and screams. He grabbed his phone to find Maddie’s name and contact photo filling the screen, he answered it immediately, “Maddie?” 

“Why did Chimney just email me a video of Jee in a motel room?” 

Buck curled up into Eddie’s side as he spoke, “Uh, he decided to go looking for you?” He cringed.

“What?” 

“I didn’t tell him anything, I swear!” Eddie stirred, sleepy eyes blinking open, Buck mouthed ‘Maddie’ at him which had Eddie wrapping his arms around his husband and pulling him close.

Maddie took in a sharp breath, “He- Why?” 

“He’s worried about you, we all are. Are you okay? Where are you?” 

“I’m fine. But I can’t tell you where I am, you can’t tell Chimney.” 

“I haven’t spoken to him since he left to find you, he won’t pick up the phone when I call.” 

He heard Maddie sigh on the other end of the line, “I’m sorry Buck, I can’t tell you, you can’t come looking for me.”

Buck didn’t like Jonah, and neither did Hen, which validated his feelings as he trusted Hen with his life, he’d follow her gut instincts to the end of the world. 

“Something about him just doesn’t sit right with me.” Hen said, glaring over at the man who was standing at the bar chatting with Lucy who’d joined the team to cover Bassey whilst she was taking personal time to spend a month with her family in Aotearoa New Zealand. 

Buck nodded, “His vibes suck.” 

“Your SEAL brain telling you anything useful?” 

Buck shrugged, “Mhm, not much other than ‘don’t trust this man’, I could go and chat with him, see if I can suss him out?” 

“Nah, maybe I should as we’ve been paired up.” 

Buck pointed a finger at her, “Or maybe that’s why you shouldn’t go and talk with him, he might get suspicious or be less open as he clearly really wants you to like him.” 

He stood, slapping his hands on the table, “I’m getting us margaritas as an excuse to talk to him. Eddie? You want one?” Eddie hadn’t joined in, happy to leave the two of them to conspire, he didn’t want anything to do with this conspiracy theory of theirs. 

“Sure, I’d never say no to a cocktail.” 

Buck gave him a thumbs up, “Might take me a minute, I’ve got some sleuthing to do.” 

He slid up to the bar next to Jonah, clapping a hand on his shoulder, “Hey man.” Jonah turned to face him with a ‘hey’, “Lucy, hi.” 

“Hey Buck.” She gave him a small two fingered salute. She then clocked an open pool table, “Pool?” 

“Maybe in a minute.” Buck said, “I’m grabbing some drinks for me, Hen and Eddie.” 

“Suit yourself.” She shrugged as she wandered off. 

Buck flagged down the bartender and ordered four margaritas. 

“So, Jonah, how are you finding the 118?” He asked. 

Jonah smiled at him, “It’s good. Although I’m pretty sure Hen hates me.”

“Nah, she doesn’t hate you.” He waved him off with a light chuckle, “It’s just that Chimney, her previous partner, is her ride or die, you know? They’ve been through a lot together and being apart has been hard for her. So it’s nothing personal, she's just, well, she’s grieving in a sense.” 

“Oh,” Jonah nodded at that, taking on the information, “Is there any way I can win her over?” 

“Honestly? You just need to give her time. And don’t try and replace Chimney, she will flip her shit if you do.” 

The drinks were placed in front of him, he thanked the bartender and paid, “Welcome to the 118.” Buck said, sliding one of the drinks over to Jonah before flagging down Eddie to come and grab his and Hen’s drinks so he could keep chatting. 

“So, you and Eddie? What’s the story?” Jonah asked once Eddie had taken the drinks back to the table.

“Met at nineteen, began dating at twenty-three, moved to LA and I joined the Academy at twenty-five, Eddie joined the Academy and I became a probie at twenty-six, Eddie became a probie at twenty-seven, and then we had a kid and got married.” 

“And Cap is fine with you being together and working together?”

Buck chuckled and then took a sip of his drink, “Oh, he didn’t know we were together at the time. We were dating, not married, so it wasn’t on any of our paperwork and he must’ve not clocked that we were each other's emergency contacts. Eddie was actually supposed to go to Station Six but Bobby offered him a place at the 118 and he jumped at it. The sneaky arsehole didn’t tell me though so surprised me on his first day. Besides we’re professional in the field so it’s not like it gets in the way of anything, if anything it helps, we met through a past job, even though we were on different teams we overlapped enough that we learnt to flow together. You know, we became BuckandEddie both in life and work so quickly that we practically have telepathy.” 

“What did you used to do?” Jonah asked. 

“Guess.” Buck chuckled, mischief in his eyes. 

“Seriously?” Buck nodded, “Constructions?” 

“Nope, Eddie did briefly work construction but that’s not how we met.” 

“Kids camp instructors?” Buck shook his head, shit eating grin on his face, “Chefs?” 

“God no, Eddie could burn water.” Buck scoffed. 

“I give up, what?” 

“Military.” Buck simply said. 

Jonah cocked his head at that, looking Buck up and down as if he were analysing a bug under a microscope, “Military is pretty vague, what branch?” 

“He was an army medic.” He paused for a second, taking a sip of his drink, eyeing Jonah over the rim of his glass, he then shrugged and said “I was a SEAL.” All nonchalant, watching as the other man’s face paled, eyes going wide. 

“I- I did not expect that from you.” 

Buck laughed, the kind of laugh that Eddie always said reminded him of windchimes, “Because I’m a golden retriever?” Jonah nodded, making Buck snort, “Eddie likes to say that I’m a golden retriever most of the time but a doberman when I need to be. I always remind him that dobermans aren’t an inherently violent breed of dog, they’re actually less aggressive towards humans than breeds like cocker spaniels, dalmatians and great danes. So really I think he should compare me to a great dane, they’re one of the largest breeds of dogs alongside Irish wolfhounds and they were bred for hunting bears, wild boar and deer which feels much more in keeping with my SEAL days.” Buck’s face suddenly fell, “Fuck, I’m so sorry, I just began info-dumping on you.” 

“No, you’re fine.” 

“So, uh, y-you always been a paramedic?” Buck got back on topic, returning to his mission.

Jonah smiled at him, but there was something under it that he couldn’t quite read (he was really pissed that he couldn’t read anything past the centre circle of the emotions wheel right now), “Yeah, I’ve wanted to be one since I was a kid.” 

“Oh yeah? What got you interested?” 

“I saved my bus driver's life on the way to school when he had a heart attack. It made me feel good, you know, like I’d done something good and made a difference. I realised I just wanted to keep doing that. I enjoy being the hero.” Jonah got that look in his eye again, the bug under a microscope one, Buck couldn’t figure out what that was about, “You like being the hero too, don’t you? I mean, come on, you were a SEAL, you’re like the badasses of the military.” 

Buck let out an uncomfortable laugh, “I was eighteen, it was less about being a hero, more about finding a purpose.” 

“But I bet you’ve done some cool shit. Come on, what’s the best thing you’ve done?” 

Buck scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “That’s, uh, that’s classified, sorry.” He downed the last of his drink and then ordered another as well as a shot of vodka. 

“Okay even getting to say ‘that’s classified’ is the coolest shit ever.” 

The shot was placed in front of him and he knocked it back instantly, “Yeah, no, it, uh, it sounds cool to civilians but the shit that’s classified? A lot of it I’d like to forget.” 

“How long were you a SEAL for?” 

“Seven years.” 

“I bet you’ve still got those skills, right? Do you ever use them?” Buck wasn’t a fan of this conversation any more, he looked around to see if he could catch Eddie or Hen’s eyes in the hopes that they’d get him out of it, “I mean, if I had those skills I’d be on the shooting range every weekend, hell, I’d find every excuse to go SEAL mode, be the hero.” 

Buck’s cocktail was placed on the bar, he paid and then necked it in one go, “It’s not like that. I’ve had to, you know, draw on those experiences a few times since leaving, but, I, uh, I don’t like the person I was out there and I hate having to bring him home, for my family to see him.”

“But you’ve saved lives.” Jonah pointed out.

“By taking others, I’m not proud of that.” 

Jonah finally took a sip of his drink, “You’ve got to focus on the wins Buck, you’ve protected this country, you did what you had to do.” 

“That’s easy to say when you’re this side of the war. When you do and see the shit I did it stops being black and white, you begin to question if you went too far or not, you know ‘did I really have to kill him?’, ‘did I need to be that brutal?’, ‘am I doing this for the right reasons?’, it weighs on you. It still weighs on me now.” 

“Would you go back and change it if you could?” 

Buck let out a bitter laugh, “Well isn’t that a loaded question. Uh, if I hadn’t done what I did I wouldn’t have met Eddie, we wouldn’t have had our son, and those two are the most important people in my life. But I have blood on my hands, and lots of it, and I’m never getting rid of it. So, uh, no, no I wouldn’t change it, I’d do it all over again, for Eddie and Chris, but that doesn’t mean I’m proud of what I did.” 

Buck stretched out on the couch in the loft, feet in Eddie’s lap. They were eighteen hours into a twenty-four and Buck was beginning to feel the effects of it, the 118 having been on their feet for most of the shift with non-stop calls. 

Buck grimaced a bit as he shifted, something that Eddie didn’t miss. Without prompting he rolled Buck’s left pant leg up and popped off his leg, peeling back the layers and massaging the irritated stump. 

Hen was sat on one of the other couches and clocked the two of them, “Is there cream in either of your lockers?” She asked. 

“Yep.” They both answered in unison. 

She nodded and then headed to the locker room to rifle through their lockers to find the balm to help alleviate the irritation. Normally Buck’s leg was fine but he’d been on it for hours on end and had a pretty active few days off, the constant abuse aggravating the stump as well as his ankle which was aching on and off whilst constantly clicking. 

“Is that a SEAL injury?” Jonah asked from his spot on the third couch. 

“Nah, had a ladder truck land on me a few years back.” Buck replied, closing his eyes and relaxing into the massage Eddie was giving him. 

Realisation dawned on his face, “Oh, fuck, I remember seeing that on the news.” 

“Yeah, went national.” 

“Went international.” Eddie corrected, “A few news channels in Canada and England ran reports on it.” Eddie suddenly had a thought, “Hey, wasn’t there an English tv show that wanted to get you on it for an interview?” 

“Uh, yeah, Good Morning Britain wanted to do a segment with me and some British firefighters to discuss on the job dangers.” 

Eddie clicked at him, “Yes, that was it.” He then went back to massaging Buck’s stump as Hen returned and handed over the cream, Eddie immediately squeezing some into his hand and rubbing it in. 

“Did you do it?” Jonah looked ecstatic. 

Buck shook his head, “Nah, felt weird to do it. I meant they still did the segment but it was only with British firefighters.” 

“We watched it, none of it came close to getting crushed by ladder trucks and having your husband perform a field amputation.” Hen said, finally weighing in on the conversation, having caught most of it on her way back up. 

“Buck,” Bobby called out, “You got a second?” Buck clattered down the stairs, meeting Bobby at the bottom, “Can we talk? In my office.” 

“Sure thing Cap.” Buck had no clue what this was about and it made him anxious. 

The pair headed through to the office and Bobby settled at his desk, Buck taking a seat opposite him, “So, I received a call a few minutes ago.” Bobby began, clearly trying to be very delicate with the information he was about to give, “Howard’s coming back to LA.”

Buck’s face dropped, “Oh. Uh, does that mean he found Maddie?” 

“He did.” Buck sagged in relief, “He said she’ll contact you later today, once your shift is over. I gave him your hours to pass on.” 

“Okay, thank you.” 

Bobby took a deep breath, letting out a sigh, “Howard is still on suspension, but now that he’s coming back to LA I need to start thinking about his future with the LAFD. Now, I have a lot of different elements to consider and will be taking this all very seriously, but one thing I have to take into consideration is you. I don’t need an answer straight away, I want you to take your time to think about this long and hard, but I need to know your feelings towards Howard. Would you feel safe working on the same team? Could you trust him in the field? Are you scared of him or of him potentially lashing out again? 

“I know you still consider him a friend, you want to make amends, but you don’t owe him anything, you did nothing wrong. What I need you to do is look at this as a professional, this decision has to come from Firefighter Grant-Nash’s feelings towards Firefighter Han, okay? And Buck, I need you to understand that this isn’t just about you, but the whole team, because if you don’t feel safe then that will have an impact on everyone else, so be honest. Do you understand?” 

Buck nodded, “Yeah, yeah I do.” 

“Good. Do you have any questions?” 

“What might happen to Chim? Like what are the options you’re looking at?”

“Well, there’s three options. One, he comes back to the 118. Two, I transfer him to another station, one far enough away that we don’t risk running into him at scenes but close enough that he won’t have to leave LA. Or three, I fire him. Now option number one is only on the table if you feel safe and comfortable working with him, the other two are on the table regardless, okay? If you feel comfortable with him on the team but I believe his actions make him a liability I will still fire him, and if I feel like him being in an environment where people are aware of his actions will have a negative impact on him or the team I’ll transfer him.” 

“O-okay, thank you.” 

Bobby gave him a sympathetic, tight lipped smile, “Take your time Buck, his suspension is indefinite so there isn’t a deadline. Now, I will be having a meeting with him but I’ll make sure it’s when you’re not on shift so you won’t have to be in the same building as him before you’re ready. This does however mean that I may choose option two or three before you decide, if I feel it benefits him and/or the team as a whole. I want to make it very clear that the choice to fire him will not hinge on your feelings towards Howard, option two or three are solely dependent on what I learn in my meeting with him. Is that clear?” 

“Crystal.” 

Bobby nodded, “Good. I have one more thing,” Bobby’s face softened into a paternal smile as opposed to his professional one, “Me and Athena would like you, Eddie and Chris to come to dinner tonight. May’s had a rough few days at work, there’s a woman at dispatch who’s being very rude to her so we want to cheer her up, I think she’d really appreciate her big brother, brother-in-law and nephew surprising her.” 

Buck immediately went into protective big brother mode, his hackles rising, “If someone’s being a bitch I’ll have words, make her leave May alone.” 

“Me and Athena have said the exact same thing and May refuses to let us intervene.” 

“No one messes with my baby sister and gets away with it.” 

“Buck, you need to calm down, she’s a big girl, she can handle herself.” Bobby tried to hide the pride and happiness he felt at how dedicated he was to their family, knowing that it would just encourage him. 

Buck huffed, “I know that Pops, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to protect her.” 

“I know, and that’s why you’re such a good big brother.” Bobby finally let the pride and happiness show on his face. God he’d gotten lucky, he didn’t know what he’d done to deserve such a fantastic kid. 

A sudden look of mischief came over Buck’s face, which had Bobby already dreading what he was going to say, “Could I take the Captain’s truck and bring her lunch? Then if a call comes through I can join you guys. And I promise I won’t start shit, I’ll just peacock so this bitch knows May has a big, strong firefighter in her corner and she’ll back off.” 

He gave Bobby his best puppy dog eyes, the kind the older man couldn’t refuse no matter what, “Okay, fine, fine, there are some leftovers from yesterday in the fridge, it’s her favourite so take those.” 

“Thanks Pops, you’re the best!” Buck practically skipped around the desk and tackled Bobby into a massive hug, giving him an over the top kiss on the forehead. He then scurried off to grab everything he’d need. 

When he got to dispatch May wasn’t on a call, instead talking to Josh at her desk. 

Josh clocked him immediately but May didn’t so he put a finger to his lips, a clear sign that he didn’t want Josh announcing his presence. 

Buck quietly snuck around the desks until he was right behind May, putting his hands over her eyes and letting out a quiet ‘boo’. He got a small surprised squeak out of May but the only person it could be was Buck as this wasn’t the first time he’d snuck up on her like this. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked, beaming up at him. 

“We had leftovers at the station, and it’s your favourite so I thought I’d come and surprise my favourite little sister with lunch.” He told her, a toothy grin on his face.

May crossed her arms and glared at him (it was filled with love, but it was a glare nonetheless. And God did it make her look like her mother), “I’m your only little sister.” She reminded him. 

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be my favourite.” He reminded her, “I could’ve said my least favourite, or proclaimed a deep hatred for you.” He shrugged.

“Both of which are lies, and you’re a shit liar.” She reminded him. 

“Shut up, idiot.” He huffed, the sibling banter slipping out effortlessly. 

“Stupid.” She jabbed back. 

“If you’re going to be mean to me I won’t give you Bobby’s coq au vin.” 

“You’re really rude, you know that?” 

“Mm, yeah, but you still love me.” At that moment May’s phone rang, “Take that, I’ll heat this up.” 

May nodded in thanks before answering the call, “911, what’s your emergency?” 

“So why did you really bring me lunch?” May asked, looking out at the LA skyline, the pair having snuck up to the roof to eat in peace. 

“Pops said someone had been giving you grief at work, I wanted to check on you.” He shrugged, shoveling another fork full of food into his mouth. 

May rolled her eyes, “Jesus, please tell me you’re not going to go back down there and give her a piece of your mind, it’ll just make her see me as even more of a child.” 

Buck laughed loudly, “Seriously May, you think I’d do that to you?” She glared at him, clearly saying ‘yes, you’d totally do that’, “I’m here to a) make you feel better, and b) show her you’ve got a big, strong firefighter in your corner so she shouldn’t mess with you. And it was the perfect excuse to have lunch with you, like we used to in lockdown, just without the whole pandemic thing going on.” 

“I really love you Buck, you know that right?” She looked over at him with watery eyes, so Buck put his bowl down and then reached out and took hers, placing it down with his so he could pull her into a hug. 

“Yeah, I know.” He squeezed her tightly, “The feeling’s mutual, I love you so much, I’m so, so grateful to have you as my sister.” He then pulled back and held her face, hands on her cheeks, “That does mean you’re stuck with me being overprotective though, it’s kinda my job as your big brother, and I’m not sorry about it, like, at all.” He then placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, “I don’t think I ever said thank you.”

She looked at him, confusion written on her face, “What for?” 

“You were the first person to offer me your surname.” He gulped back tears, letting go of her face, “Thank you, for giving me proof that I’m part of your family.” 

“Our family.” May corrected, “And it was really nothing, you’re my brother, you’re part of our family, it was only right to make sure your name reflected that.” She pulled him into a hug, “You feel like home Buck, you make me feel safe. Thank you.”  

They stayed like that for a moment but eventually Buck pulled back so he could wipe his eyes, tears still running down his cheeks. Thankfully May didn’t look much better. 

“What a pair we are.” Buck chuckled, “On the roof of dispatch, eating coq au vin and crying.” 

“It’s very us, isn’t it?” 

Buck beamed at her, “Hell yeah it is, stupid.” 

“Fuck off, idiot.” she lightly shoved him but Buck fell to the side anyway, pretending she’d mortally wounded him, “Agh, betrayed by my own sister, how could you?” 

“It was pretty easy, you’re a dick.” She laughed, smacking his arm, getting another over the top reaction from him. 

There was a knock on Bobby’s office door, “Come in.” He called out.

Howard opened the door and walked in, sitting opposite Bobby, “Hi Captain.” He greeted. 

All he got was a firm nod and a “Firefighter Han.” In response. They sat in tense silence as Bobby shuffled through paperwork, making Howard sweat, his anxiety building. “I trust that your trip was productive.” He finally said, clasping his hands on the desk and giving Howard his full attention. 

“Y- yes, uh, yes sir.” He didn’t really get why Bobby was still being so cold like he had been before he left, it’d been months, surely Buck had gotten over it and told Bobby to cool it. Buck was a forgiving guy who didn’t hold grudges, but then again he hasn’t seen Buck since he punched him so all he knew were Eddie and Bobby’s reactions. 

“That’s good to hear. Now, as I’m sure you are aware, we’re here to review your suspension.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“I trust you had time to reflect whilst you were on the road.”

“I did.”

“So tell me, why did you punch firefighter Grant-Nash?” Bobby looked at him expectantly. Howard gulped, briefly looking around the room so he wouldn’t have to look at Bobby, “I’d like you to look me in the eyes, firefighter.” 

Howard nodded, doing his best to maintain eye contact, “I, uh, I was angry and I lashed out at him. Unjustly.” 

“And why were you angry?” 

“My- uhm, my girlfriend was suffering from postpartum depression and she ran off as she didn’t think our baby was safe with her. She told Grant-Nash about it but didn’t tell me. He saw that I’d been really struggling with the news but he kept the information from me.” He explained, “I went to his house to talk to him. When I found out he’d kept the information from me I lashed out and hit him.” 

“Do you know why he kept the information from you?” 

“My girlfriend, his sister, asked him to.” 

Bobby nodded, “Firefighter Han, do you understand the severity of the situation?” 

Howard gaped at him, “I- yo- wh- what? Do I ‘understand the severity’? What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Just answer the question, do you understand the severity?” 

“Yes Captain, I do.” 

Bobby gave him a look that made it clear he was waiting for something more, but when Howard didn’t speak Bobby spoke up instead, “To truly take accountability you must first tell the truth. Even if that is uncomfortable.” 

“Yeah Cap, I get it.” Howard threw his hands in the air, frustrated by the line of questioning, “I hit him, I hurt him, and it triggered his PTSD. What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry, okay? I regret what I did but I can’t change that.” Although Bobby could tell there was some sincerity to the apology, the anger was what stood out. 

“You keep using the term ‘hit’,” Bobby kept his voice neutral as he spoke, “But you didn’t ‘hit’ him, did you?” 

Howard stuttered and spluttered, confused and unsure of what he meant, “What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“You punched him, there’s a difference.” 

“Okay, fine,” He huffed, “I punched him, I hurt him, I’m sorry, but he kept something huge from me, something I deserved to know.” 

Bobby nodded. He scribbled some things down before looking up again, “You’re dismissed, I’ll be in contact.” 

“Wait, that’s it? No verdict? Can’t you just tell me whether I’m staying or going?” Howard began to get riled up. 

Bobby however remained calm, “No, because I still haven’t made that decision, there are other elements I need to consider.” 

Howard let out a bitter laugh, “You need to see if Buc- sorry, Grant-Nash feels safe around me.” 

“No, I’ve already got his verdict,” He didn’t, but he didn’t want to make it sound like Buck had the final say, because if he did get fired Howard might blame it on Buck and he couldn’t have that, “No, I need to take into account this meeting, as well as the outburst you just had and whether I can trust you.” He looked down at the papers in front of him, “You’re dismissed firefighter Han.” 

Buck had let himself into the Grant-Nash house and immediately curled up on the couch next to Bobby, “I’ve been thinking about Chimney,” He admitted, “And I just, I don’t know Pops, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about him.” 

Bobby wrapped an arm around him, “That’s okay, I know it’s a lot.” 

Buck huffed out a little sigh, “Fuck, there’s so much shit I want to tell you but I’m not allowed.” 

“Howard?” Bobby didn’t get why Buck wouldn’t be able to tell him something about Howard but that seemed like the only logical answer given their current conversation. 

“Navy.” 

“Oh yeah?”

Buck nodded, resting his head on Bobby’s shoulder, “If I could tell you about the PTSD shit he triggered then you could help me sort through my thoughts, but it’s ‘classified’.” He made air-quotes around the word ‘classified’ and said it in a mocking voice, “I fucking hate it.” 

“You know I won’t tell anyone if you say something.” Bobby told him, it was clearly not him trying to dig for information, wanting to get in on some juicy secret, but a genuine offer to help. 

“I know, but I still can’t. Not even Eddie knows, and we know everything about each other.” 

“It must be hard not being able to share that side of yourself with him.” 

“It is but it isn’t, you know? Like I want him to know everything about me, but there’s a seven year period that he can’t know about. But I also want to shield him from it all. There’s things… things that no one should see, especially an eighteen year old. I joined the SEALs as soon as I could, I was desperate to get away from my parents. And it worked, I didn’t see them for ten years, didn’t even speak to them. But that comes with a price, and in my case it was a pretty high one.” 

“One so high you can’t even talk about it.” 

Buck nodded, “Yeah. But what Chim triggered? That was trauma from the worst thing that ever happened to me. I’m scared that just seeing him will bring it all up again, and I can’t do that.” 

“I can’t say I understand, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a similar situation, but I can guess how that would make you feel. And it’s an understandable worry.” Bobby pulled him close, tangling his fingers in Buck’s curls, scratching his scalp, “If it helps, I do think the best course of action right now is transferring him.” Bobby admitted. 

“Did I hear you saying you’re leaning towards transferring Howard?” Athena asked, as she and Bobby washed up after dinner, Bobby hummed to confirm, “I know you want to talk it out, so tell me, why?” 

“We had our meeting today, and he- I don’t think he’s over it.”

Athena put the plate she was drying down and crossed her arms, leaning back against the counter, “Yeah?” 

Bobby placed the dish he was scrubbing back into the sink and then took off his washing up gloves, “It sounds like he understands that he shouldn’t have punched Buck, but I think he sees his actions as justified, he’s not sorry, not really.” Bobby let out a weary sigh, “He’s bitter, and I think a lot of that is aimed at Buck and the fact that I found out. I don’t want to put our kid in an environment like that, especially when there’s a risk of his PTSD getting triggered again. I’ve spoken to Captain Cuenca and he’s happy to take Howard on as a temporary transfer, and then I can reassess in a few months. I also want to put him in therapy and then if I think he’s not going to be a risk anymore I’ll bring him back.”

Athena nodded, “I think that sounds like a good plan.” 

There was a knock on the office door, “Come in.” Bobby called out. The door opened to reveal Howard, “Firefighter Han, take a seat.” Bobby was all business, not having the patience for pleasantries. “So, I’ve come to a decision. I’m going to be transferring you out of the 118 to the 142 under Captain Cuenca.” Bobby slid the transfer papers over to Howard with a pen, “It’s a temporary transfer, we’ll touch base in three months to see where you’re at and then in six, if I’m happy with you then I will offer you the chance to transfer back to the 118 at your own discretion. Captain Cuenca is aware of the circumstances surrounding your suspension and we have both agreed that for you to serve under him you must attend therapy once a week and anger management fortnightly. Is that clear?” 

“I don’t get a say in this, do I?” Howard looked dejected to put it mildly. 

“No you do not.” Bobby told him, nudging the papers closer to him, “If you want to remain a firefighter with the LAFD then you’ll sign these documents, accept your transfer and follow our conditions, is that clear?” 

With a frown Howard picked up the pen and skimmed through the form, eventually signing and dating it, sliding it back to Bobby. 

“Thank you. Captain Cuenca is expecting you at eight am sharp on Monday. You’re dismissed.” 

Everyone was gathered in the loft for briefing, “Lastly,” Bobby said, “I’d like us all to welcome Jonah as our newest permanent member of the 118, I know you all know him as he’s been one of our floaters so be nice and no hazing.” 

There were some jeers and light hearted groans at that but mainly lots of people congratulating him on his new position. 

But Buck and Hen stood together by the banister watching him, “There’s something wrong with him.” Hen muttered, keeping her voice down so only Buck could hear her. 

He hummed in agreement, “I don’t like this.” 

They watched as Cairney and Sess walked up to him, Buck honing in on what they were saying, fairly certain he knew what they were about to do. 

“Jonah,” RC greeted, “Congrats on the job, welcome to the team.”

“Yeah man, great to have you onboard.” Sess added. 

“Thanks.” 

“Look, now that you’re here permanently some of your relationships with people might change-” 

“What Jock is saying is, watch out for Grant-Nash-” 

“He’s ex-military, right-”

“He’s a SEAL-”

“Well, ex-SEAL-” 

“So play nice, because he knows 101 ways to kill you with his bare hands alone-” 

“Hate to think what he could do with weapons-” 

“So don’t get on his bad side-”

“Because they’ll never find your body.” 

The pair then said goodbye and walked off, leaving Jonah behind looking a bit shell shocked. He looked over and made eye contact with Buck so he raised his head and jutted his chin out, still glaring at him in warning, happy to go along with Jock and RC’s claims since it was Jonah. 

“So, I assume you’ve spoken to Maddie about Chimney.” Hen said as she and Buck waited at the bar to grab drinks for the rest of the team who were sitting at a table not too far away. Buck refused to look at her, “Buck…” She sighed when he still refused to say anything, “She should know what happened.”

Buck shook his head, “No, I don’t want her to know, I’ll just sound like a cry baby, whinging about something that happened months ago.” 

“It’s not like that. Her boyfriend punched you, she should know that.” 

“Yeah, because of something she did, I don’t want her carrying that guilt, and I don’t want things to be awkward between the two of them when it comes to Jee.” 

“Buck-”

He let out a frustrated huff, “Look, she knows me and Chim had a fight, and that that’s why he transferred, but she doesn’t know it got physical.” 

“She thinks he transferred willingly, doesn’t she?” Buck nodded, “Why?” 

“It’s what Chim told her.” 

“And you’re not going to correct him.” Buck shook his head, “Oh, Buck.” 

Drinks were placed in front of them, they thanked the bartender and carried them over to the table, “I know you’re going to insist on finishing this conversation, so I’d appreciate it if we did it outside, away from these guys.” 

Hen nodded so once the drinks had been placed down she and Buck stepped outside. 

Buck pulled his vape out of his pocket and took a deep inhale, exhaling the artificial, sickly sweet smelling vapour, “Maddie asked me why it was Chim who transferred and not me.” He eventually admitted. 

“What?”

“She thought it was out of character for him, that he was the kind of person who’d tough it out, whilst I’m the kind of person who wants to make things easier for others so I’d be the one to transfer so I didn’t hurt anyone.” He took another drag of the vape, “Although she and Chim aren’t together anymore and she’d never say it, I think she’s a little pissed at me for it, like she thinks I ruined the FireFam or something. Like if I only saw him at family gatherings things could be normal.”

“And what did you say?” 

Buck shrugged, “That I wasn’t in his head so I couldn’t tell her why he made that decision.” Buck let out a self-deprecating chuckle, “Chimney can’t lie for shit normally, why now?” 

“Self preservation?” Hen shrugged, “Like how you said lying to get into the protected zone was easy because you were in SEAL mode.” 

Buck shook his head, “No, that’s different. That was me falling back on my training.” 

“Because Buck can’t lie, but Red can.” Hen said, clear understanding in her voice. 

Buck’s wide eyes snapped to her, his vape pen held halfway up to his mouth, “What? How do you know about Red?”

Hen couldn’t read his face, some weird combination of shock, shame, upset and guilt swirling around in his eyes, “Eddie told me.” Buck opened his mouth but Hen kept talking, wanting to clarify, “He didn’t tell me anything other than the fact that that was your nickname back then, that’s all. I was the one asking about Afghanistan after we found Harry, and he made it very clear he couldn’t and wouldn’t tell me anything. All we talked about was how you met and how he fell in love with you. Red only came up because he was saying how hard it was to understand that you and him were the same person.” 

“You know, I hate him, I fucking hate him.” Buck seethed, pocketing the vape pen, “H- he’s a fucking monster and I am so fucking ashamed of the fact that I used to be him.” Buck sniffled, “If I could wipe that part of my life from my mind then I would, I fucking would.” Buck squatted down and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, “I want to wake up tomorrow morning, with Eddie by my side, home, with Chris with seven years of my memories missing.” 

“You know if that did happen you’d be obsessively trying to find out what had happened during those seven years, right?” 

Buck shrugged, knowing Hen was right, “Yeah, ‘spose.” He stood again, leaning against the wall behind him. 

The pair stood in silence for a minute but eventually Hen went back to the topic at hand, “You need to tell Maddie the truth.” 

“No I don’t.” Buck retorted, “And I won’t.” As Hen opened her mouth Buck pointed an accusatory finger at her, “And you won’t either. Not you, not Eddie, Athena, Bobby or anybody, clear? She doesn’t need to know this, Chim wasn’t in his right mind when it happened and I can’t ruin her or Jee’s lives by telling her. And it’s like I said, when you get down to it, it all stems from her, it’s because she ran away, told me everything and then told me not to tell Chim. I don’t want her carrying that on top of everything else, so let’s just leave it, because I can live with her thinking I’m the reason Chim transferred, I can’t live with their relationship souring and fucking Jee up. So we’re going to forget about it, okay?” 

Hen nodded, looking reluctant, “Right, yeah, okay.” 

Jonah had been with the 118 for three months and Buck and Hen still couldn’t shake their suspicions, something about him just didn’t add up, so they did some digging. Scouring through old news articles, records, reports, anything and everything they could find on him until they could finally find enough evidence to back up their suspicions. 

They were getting close, Buck could feel it, they were on the cusp of something. 

But it was as they were getting close that things went to shit. 

Jesus Christ did Buck hate needles, and he fucking hated sedatives. Combine those with dark allies and he was in hell. 

Chapter Text

The loud voices and yelling was impossible to miss, even as Buck’s groggy mind lagged. 

He went to rub his face but something pulled on his wrists, stopping him from parting them and bringing them out from behind his back. 

This couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t be back. He did his best to hold back a sob as the realisation hit him; Chris, Bobby, Athena, the 118, getting together with Eddie, it’d all been a dream, something his mind had conjured up to trick him into thinking his time in captivity was over.  

Buck pushed himself into a sitting position and then tried to stand, only for his left leg to give out. No, it hadn’t given out, there was no leg there, the limb ending a few inches below the knee. He knew his captor wasn’t above something like this, but he would’ve done it whilst he was conscious and able to feel the pain. He must’ve been out cold and under anesthesia but that didn’t make sense, he wouldn’t have been able to (refuse to) give him the information he so desperately wanted. He wanted him to suffer so why do something as humane as putting him under for a surgical procedure? 

But if he had to guess he’d assume it was a way to stop him from trying to escape again, but that still didn’t explain the lack of pain. Surely he could kill two birds with one stone if he’d kept him awake and aware, taking away his mobility and able to torture him for information. 

Before he could analyse the situation much further the door creaked open, he’d been so lost in his head that he hadn’t realised that the yelling next door had stopped, leaving an eerie silence. 

A man stepped into the room, smiling as he saw Buck, “You’re awake, how are you feeling?” 

It was all coming back, he wasn’t in Afghanistan, he was in America, he was home, sure he wasn’t safe right now but even on one leg he was certain he could take the guy, Jonah his mind helpfully supplied, and win. 

“What do you want?” He bit out. 

Jonah came and sat opposite him, “You’re a cool guy Buck, you’re a hero, but you don’t see it. But I’m going to team up with Hen and bring you along for the ride so it can just be the three of us.” 

It took Buck a second to be able to process the words, but that didn’t mean he’d understood it all, “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

Jonah laughed loudly, “Hen’s had her hands in a man’s chest to save his life, you’re an ex-Navy SEAL, and I’m a kickass paramedic. The three of us would be heroes.”

“You’re insane.” Buck struggled against the handcuffs, wanting to get free so he could deck the guy, “What makes you think I’d want to work with you when you’ve kidnapped me?” 

Jonah cocked his head at Buck, “This was the only way to get you to talk to me about working together, you get that, right?” 

“I get that you’re a nut job!” Buck all but growled at him. 

“Hey now, that’s no way to talk to a friend.” He tutted, “Or the man with all the control.” 

Buck scoffed at that, “You really think you can break me? You can’t do shit, cunt! You are a weak and pathetic little ma-” 

Jonah lunged forward and grabbed Buck’s jaw tightly, “Watch your fucking mouth Buckley.” 

“Or what?” Buck had a shit eating grin on his face. Jonah punched him, hard, causing Buck to bite his cheek, drawing blood. He spat it out on the floor, the grin not leaving his face, “You’re going to have to do a lot better than that Paramedic Greenway.”

Jonah glared at him and then stood, “Think about what I’ve said and I’ll be back.” But instead of leaving he went over to the dresser and pulled out a syringe and vial, Buck knew where this was going and he really didn’t like it. 

He tried to get away from Jonah, struggling against the hand grabbing onto him, and then everything went dark. 

Athena and Bobby got there as an officer was leading Jonah out of the house, swiftly followed by paramedics with Hen and Chim. Seeing them alive helped sap the stress from Athena’s shoulders, until she had to dive in and pull Bobby off of Jonah, her husband letting his rage get the better of him. 

Once she’d pulled him back and Jonah was taken away she went into the house to have a look around. 

They’d cleared most of the rooms, but she pulled her gun out so she could enter the bedroom, one of the few rooms they hadn't checked yet. When she opened the door the first thing she saw was a lump on the floor that looked suspiciously like a person, who else had Jonah taken and why? She flicked the lights on and was greeted by the sight of her eldest child slumped on the floor. 

She rushed over to him and dropped to her knees, she checked for a pulse and was relieved to find one, his heart beating strong and steady. She tapped his face lightly, “Buck? Buckaroo?” She didn’t want to leave the boy's side so she called out to the other cops, ““I need another RA unit, now! And Get Bobby in here.” 

It only took Bobby a minute to join them, all colour draining from his face as he realised who Athena was with, “Buck?” He came over to join Athena, dropping down to his knees on Buck’s other side, “Is he…”

“Alive? Yes, yes he is, pulse is strong and steady.” 

Bobby gently eased Buck up so his back was pressed against Bobby’s chest so he wasn’t lying on top of his bound arms. He held his son close, placing a kiss on top of his head. 

Neither of them knew why or how he was here, he was supposed to be meeting with a friend from the Academy for drinks, instead he was out cold on Jonah’s floor. 

After a minute Buck’s eyes blinked open, head turning to look up so he could see who he was leaning against. 

“Hey kid.” Bobby greeted, making eye contact with his son. 

“Pops?” His mouth barely moved with the word, the title coming out muffled as he tried to get his body to cooperate.

“Help’s on its way, I just need you to be brave for a little bit longer, can you do that for me?” 

Buck nodded as Athena reached out and placed a hand on his knee, he flinched at the contact until he saw who it was and relaxed, “Mum?” The relief in his voice was palpable as she brushed a rogue curl out of his eye. 

“Right here Baby, everything’s going to be okay, I promise.” Her voice was teary, it was the first time Buck had ever called her ‘Mum’. The reason Bobby had automatically become ‘Pops’ was because Buck would call him that as a joke, it just turned serious somewhere down the road, organically. But she’d always been ‘Athena’ or ‘Thena’ to Buck, other people jokingly referred to her as his Mum but he’d never done it himself, until now. In such a painful and scary moment he’d called her ‘Mum’ whilst not fully with it, and whilst her heart was broken seeing her son in so much pain, him bestowing that title on her in such a vulnerable moment warmed her heart. 

The 133 were the ones who’d provided the additional RA unit, “Jesus Christ Grant.” Iwobi, the member of the 133 Buck was close with (having come up through the Academy together), muttered as soon as she processed who it was on the floor. 

“Hey Freya,” He managed to get out, already feeling drowsy again, “Long time no see.” 

“We’ll get drinks when you’re back on your feet,” She said, “Or foot I guess.” 

If he’d been more alert he would’ve let out a loud laugh but unfortunately all he could muster was a tired chuckle as he closed his eyes, “Mhm, sounds good.”

She and her partner made quick work of getting the handcuffs off and then getting Buck ready to transport, wheeling him out to the ambulance. 

“You go with him, I’m going to pick up Eddie and then meet you there.” Athena decided, giving Bobby a quick kiss before shoving him into the back of the ambulance with Buck and Iwobi. 

“You gotta stop getting yourself in these situations bud.” Eddie joked, wrapping his arms around Buck. 

Buck let out a tired chuckle, “It’s not my fault Jonah is a psycho.” 

Buck and Eddie were curled up on the couch together, Eddie lying on top of Buck so he was acting like a weighted blanket, helping to ground his husband after getting caught up in yet another traumatic experience. 

“You just happen to have a special skill for aggravating psycho’s.” 

“He’s the first to steal my leg though.” His mood was slipping from amused to a tired sadness as the reality set in. 

“He’s also the only one who knew you had a leg to steal.” Eddie pointed out.

Buck took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of his husband to further ground himself, “Did Athena say when I’d get my leg back?” 

“Probably only a few days, she said CSI are fast-tracking it as it’s a mobility aid.” Eddie began to rub Buck’s back. 

“Thank God for the blad.” He huffed. 

“You want to go to the ren faire?” Eddie asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow at Buck as he put his halagan away. 

“Yeah, come on, it’ll be fun.” Buck was practically vibrating with excitement, “Chris will love getting to meet knights and fairies, he loves that shit.” As Eddie stepped away from the engine Buck closed the compartment, the pair of them turning to lean back against the vehicle, watching as Hen and Ravi finished up with a patient.

“And for us?” Eddie crossed his arms, a small smirk on his face. 

“Swords, turkey legs, ale in massive tankards,” he counted each one off on his fingers, “magic, fantasy, more booze, do I need to keep going?” 

“No, you’ve sold me, we’ll go to the ren faire tomorrow.” 

Chris was all dressed up for the ren faire, he had a king costume from halloween and he loved dressing up so Buck and Eddie made sure he looked the part. The two of them didn’t have anything that fit the vibe and hadn’t had time to source anything so they were just in their normal clothes. 

They walked around the area, checking out the different stalls and entertainment, “Woah, look over there Chris.” Buck said, pointing at some horses. 

“Horsey!” He clapped his hands excitedly. 

“You wanna go see them?” Chris nodded vigorously at that so the three of them walked over to where a man dressed in medieval clothes was tending to one of the horses. 

“Well hello good sirs.” He greeted, bowing deeply as soon as he saw them, “Your Highness.” He then bowed even lower to Chris, getting a giggle out of him, “My name is Bartholemew, I care for all of the noble knight's horses until the jousting tournament begins. Would you like to meet them?” 

“Yes please.” Chris nodded.

“This here is Sir Alric’s horse, her name is Mystery, she is the fastest in the land.” He explained, “You can stoke her if you like. Place your hand very gently on her nose.” He showed Chris and then let the boy do it too, “I think she likes you.” Chris giggled. 

Buck and Eddie both stroked Mystery once Chris had taken his hand back, “Damn, they feel really velvety.” Buck commented, getting a fond eye roll from Eddie, finding Buck’s look of aew adorable. 

They were introduced to a few more horses before someone in armour walked up, a helmet under his arm, “Ah, Bartholomew, there you are.” He greeted, fully in character as Buck, Eddie and Chris were there, “Is Mystery ready for the tournament?” 

“He is. I was just introducing him to King Chris and his squires.” 

“Your Highness.” The knight bowed deeply, “I am not worthy of your presence. Will you be watching the tournament?” 

Chris looked up at Buck, “Baba, can we?” 

“Of course Chrissy.” 

“Should we support Sir Aldric?” Eddie asked. 

“Yup.” 

Aldric bowed again, “Thank you Your Highness, your support shall spur me on to greatness.” 

“The tournament will take place over there,” Bartholomew pointed at the bleachers, decorated lavishly so they blended in with the rest of the faire, “It shall start soon so you should go and get comfortable.” 

“Can you say thank you and good luck to Sir Aldric and Bartholomew?” Eddie asked. 

“Thank you, good luck!” Both men bowed deeply before the family began to walk to the stands. 

Eddie mouthed a ‘thank you’ over his shoulder to the two who gave him thumbs up in a ‘that’s okay’ type of gesture, not wanting to break the immersion for Chris by calling out. 

Eddie watched as Buck climbed the ladder, he’d done this hundreds of times, it was part of the job, so why did this time feel different? He could feel something churning in his gut, the feeling he’d get in the army when someone was about to pounce. 

Something was wrong. 

The smell of ozone filled the area before lightning suddenly struck, throwing him backwards off of the rig. 

He immediately knew what that meant, it meant lightning had stuck the ladder, the ladder that Buck was on. 

Before he’d even fully processed his husband's body hanging limp from the top of the ladder he was running, calling out for him. He was climbing the ladder in seconds, taking it two rungs at a time. 

Eddie had always wondered what Buck’s shift into his SEAL headspace felt like, he was pretty sure he knew now as he let his army medic training guide his actions as opposed to just letting him detach himself from the emotions of a situation like usual. 

The first thing he did was try and pull him up, Buck was heavy but Eddie was strong and bringing him up was a shorter distance. 

But apparently he wasn’t strong enough. 

Buck would’ve been able to do it, Buck was strong enough that he would’ve found it easy if the roles were reversed. But Eddie wasn’t strong enough, something he’d beat himself up for once the emergency was over, but for now he was focused on lowering Buck to the ground where Bobby was waiting for him. 

As soon as Buck was on the gurney Eddie barreled down the ladder to find Hen performing CPR. 

That sight alone was enough to shatter the professional yet tentative calm he’d been forcing himself into, “Buck!” He pushed past other members of the 118 until he got to Hen, Ravi and Bobby who were focusing on Buck, “Buck!” 

“Eddie you’re driving, bring the ambo around.” Bobby told him. 

“Bobb-” 

“It wasn’t a request Diaz, it was an order. Bring the ambulance back.” Bobby didn’t often use his ‘Captain’ voice but it was a dire moment and he needed Eddie to move, now. 

Eddie ran around to the ambulance and got in, reversing it until Hen and Ravi were able to load him in, Bobby running around to the front and getting into the passenger seat once he’d shut the back door. 

The drive was tense and it took too long for Eddie’s liking, tension filling his body, but he was going as fast as he could with lights and sirens clearing their path. 

“I’ve got a pulse!” Hen yelled, it’d been three minutes and seventeen seconds since the lightning struck, three minutes and seventeen seconds since Buck’s heart stopped. Three minutes and seventeen seconds in a world where his husband was dead. But Buck was back, Eddie’s husband was alive again, he wouldn’t be a widower and his son still had two fathers, their five year old wouldn’t be losing a dad today. Eddie felt the tiniest bit of tension leave his shoulders at that. 

But the tension returned minutes later when Hen called out “I’ve lost him again” as they pulled into the ambulance bay, Eddie felt his world shatter, “Beginning compressions.” 

Eddie rounded the vehicle to see Hen working on his husband, Ravi getting in there to stick the pads for the AED onto Buck.

“Clear.” Ravi yelled as nurses and doctors approached them. Eddie watched as Buck’s chest spasmed upwards from the electric shock, “Nothing, going again. Clear” His back arched again, “Again. Clear.” Eddie didn’t want to watch but he couldn’t take his eyes off of his husband, “I’ve got a pulse.” Oh thank God. One minute and forty-nine seconds.

It was controlled chaos as they handed the stretcher, handed Buck, over, Bobby rattling off his son’s medical history, allergies and medications as Eddie tried not to collapse into a puddle right then and there. 

“We’ll do our best.” A doctor promised them as they took Buck behind the ominous double doors they all hated so much. 

Without even thinking “Do more” fell out of Eddie in a desperate yell. 

As soon as the doors closed Eddie felt his legs go to jelly, his knees no longer able to hold him up. Bobby grabbed onto him and held him as Eddie turned his body into his father-in-law, grabbing him back in a desperate embrace as he broke down sobbing. 

“I’ve got you kid.” He promised, slowly lowering the two of them to the ground, just like he’d done with Buck when Eddie’d been shot, “Shh, shh, shh, shh, come on, that’s it, I’ve got you.” 

Bobby took one hand from around Eddie and used it to unclip the man’s helmet, gently removing it and placing it down, doing the same with his own. He then used that hand to guide Eddie’s face into the crook of his neck, rubbing his back with the other, whispering quiet reassurances to him. 

After a few minutes Bobby pulled Eddie to his feet and moved them out of the entrance that they were blocking and brought him over to the waiting room, “Before you sit I need to take your turnouts off, okay?” 

Eddie nodded, letting Bobby undo his coat and slip it off of him before doing the same with the pants, removing his boots at the same time. Bobby folded them gently and slid them under a seat as Eddie sat down, dropping his head into his hands. 

Once he’d done the same Bobby sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around Eddie, Hen took the seat on the otherside of him and then Ravi joined them a few minutes later, having moved the ambulance out of the loading bay so it was out of the way whilst they waited for another member of the 118 to come and pick it up. 

Maddie found them as soon as she burst in through the double doors, hair soaked, face wet from a combination of rain and tears. 

As soon as he saw her Eddie stood and strode over to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into the biggest hug possible. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head as Maddie cried into his shoulder and him into her hair. 

They could’ve stayed in that moment forever, seeking comfort in each other, but it was broken by Bobby’s voice, “What are you doing here?” He sounded bitter and cold, not his distant or commanding Captain’s voice but the one that was one of a father full of disdain. 

Eddie pulled back to see who he was talking to, to be greeted by the elder Buckley’s standing nearby. The pair having gotten into the back of Maddie’s car, refusing to leave, so she hadn’t had a choice but to bring them as an argument would’ve only delayed her getting to the hospital. 

“Well, when we found out our son was in hospital we couldn’t not come.” Margaret explained. 

The anger that overtook Eddie’s face was mirrored on Bobby’s, but before either of them could speak, spitting hate filled words at them, Athena’s calm voice cut in, “I don’t think I need to remind you that you don’t have a son Mr and Mrs Buckley.” 

They both turned to look at her, stood there with her hands on her hips, as she glared at them. 

Margaret scoffed, “I didn’t carry Evan for nine months and then birth him for you, a stranger, to tell me we don’t have a son.” 

“Firstly, his name isn’t Evan anymore, it’s Buck-”

“His name is Evan, that’s what we named him, it’s what’s on his birth certificate and all official documents.” Philip argued as Eddie guided Maddie over to the seats. 

Athena didn’t rise to his anger, keeping cool and calm, “No, I think if you check his ID it now says ‘Buck Grant-Nash Diaz’, unless I imagined signing my son’s paperwork.” 

“He is not you-”

Athena jutted her chin out, looking down her nose at Margaret, “Oh I think you’ll find he is.” 

“You didn’t-”

“Give birth to him?” Athena finished for Margaret, knowing exactly where she was going, “No, you’re right, I didn’t. Instead I was lucky enough to have that sweet boy choose me to be his mother.” 

Margaret turned her nose up at that, “Blood is thicker than water.” 

“I think you’ll find the real phrase is ‘the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’ and we,” Athena walked past the Buckley’s so she was stood between them and the 118 and Maddie, “Are his coven. So I suggest you leave.” 

“He’d want to see us, we’re his family.” 

“Mum, please, it’s not worth the argument.” 

“It is, that’s our son back there.” 

Eddie let out a bitter laugh, “I can’t believe you, old habits die hard, don’t they? You only care about him when he’s hurt. As soon as he’s better and out of here you’ll go back to acting like he doesn’t exist.” 

“Mum, Dad, you really should go” Maddie stood and handed them her car keys, “Take my car, I’ll keep you updated but you should go and spend some time with Jee.” 

Phillip took the keys off of her, “We’ll be back to see him once he’s allowed visitors.” And then he turned and left, Margaret following. 

Athena shook her head with a scoff, heading over to the nurses station and talking with the woman there. Everyone sat in silence, but turned to Athena as she returned, expectant looks on their faces, “I’ve requested the elder Buckley’s be denied access to his room.” 

They were sat there for hours, waiting to hear something, anything. 

As the night wore on Karen and May joined them, so their whole family (minus the kids) were there. Toni was looking after Denny and Chris whilst Jee was at home with Chimney and the elder Buckleys so no one had to worry about the youngsters, able to focus on Buck. 

Eventually a doctor came out, everyone’s heads perking up like they did every time someone stepped out from behind the double doors. 

There were a lot of members of staff that the 118 knew or recognised from all of their trips to the ER. Luckily a doctor they knew well stepped out from behind the doors, Doctor Kane, Jillian. She looked around and spotted the group, giving them a tight lipped smile as she walked towards them. 

“Hey.” She greeted, sitting on the coffee table that sat in front of their occupied chairs, “So, I’m the Doctor on Buck’s case.” 

“Jillian, please tell us it’s good news.” Eddie begged. 

She looked down at the clipboard she was holding before looking back up at Eddie, “I won’t lie to you it’s been touch and go and we’re still not completely in the clear, but he’s alive and not in any immediate danger. But we’ve had to put him into a medically induced coma as his heart is at risk of over exerting itself and right now that’s the main concern.” 

Maddie let out a small sob, Eddie dropped his head into his hands and Bobby made the sign of the cross. 

“Can we see him yet?” Athena asked, trying to be the pragmatic one. 

Jillian gave them all a soft smile, “Yeah, yeah you can. You know we usually limit the number of visitors in the ICU at a time but I know what you lot are like, you’re not going to listen to us regardless so I’ve forewarned the nurses and put a note on his records so they shouldn’t try and stop you. If you head up to the ICU the nurses there will be able to point you in the right direction.” 

Eddie would never get over seeing Buck in hospital beds, he’d thought he’d be used to it by now but he was always shocked by how small they managed to make him look, even at six foot two. And the tubes and wires that were there this time made it look even worse, but then again this was the worst it’d ever been, Buck has actually died this time, twice. 

He pulled up a chair and reached out to take Buck’s hand that was closest to him, holding it gently between the both of his, cautious of the bandages. 

“Jesus Christ Buck,” He sighed, “This is a big one, huh? Fuck, sorry, I, uh, I don’t know where to start, what am I supposed to say, what’s the custom here? If you were awake this is probably the point where you’d mock me for being autistic, as if you’ve not got it too.” He let out a watery laugh, looking up at the ceiling and shaking his head before looking back at his husband, “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we? It’s no wonder we ended up together, the ADHD, autistic, OCD golden retriever and the autistic black cat, that’s what Hen called us when I first joined, right?” He was silent for a second, listening to the steady beep of the heart rate monitor. Eddie sniffled, dropping his head so his forehead was resting on Buck’s fingers that were limply curled around his, “You can’t leave me, man, because I need you. I need you and Chris needs you and I don’t know how we’d get by if you didn’t pull through. You gotta fight, okay? You gotta get into that SEAL mentality and kick this coma’s arse, because I know you can beat it, because you’re a fighter Buck, something stupid like lightning isn’t going to take you out when you survived Afghanistan, getting crushed by a ladder truck, a fucking tsunami, Buck Grant-Nash Diaz does not just lie down and die, no, Buck Grant-Nash Diaz fights and you’re going to fucking fight like hell because your life depends on it.”

His head felt heavy as he came to, but he fought to open his eyes and raise his head so he could look around, only to realise he was blindfolded. 

As he began to become more aware he noticed he was tied to what he could only assume was a chair. He groaned loudly as he waded through the fog in his head. 

“Look who’s awake.” A voice mocked, “Did you have a good nap Petty-Officer Buckley, or is it Red?” 

He licked his lips, trying to wet them, “The fuck?” 

“You know, when I first heard about you I thought it was crazy that you were still a Petty Officer Second Class, I mean you’ve only been a SEAL for what? Three years? But you’ve got quite the resume. I would’ve assumed you’d be First Class by now.” A hand grabbed his jaw and yanked his head up so he was facing them, even if he couldn’t see them, “There’s got to be a reason they haven’t promoted you, are you a troublemaker? Did you misbehave? Is this a little slap on the wrist? No, no, I think it was something bigger,” Red could sense the man crouching down, using his hand to tilt his face so he was facing him still, “I think you’re just so good they’re keeping you down here to lull people into a false sense of security, don’t you?” He let go of Red’s face, his chin dropping to his chest now that it was no longer being held in place. “What’d they send you out here for? I know it’s for something special, but what?” 

“Fuck you,” He gound out, “I’m not telling you shit.” 

“Oh, you will, it’s just a matter of how quickly you squeal.” Red felt a knife gently trace his jawline, “Hm, you don’t flinch, I don’t think this is your first rodeo, is it?” Red didn’t glorify him with an answer, “I don’t know why I bothered asking really, I know more about you then you can imagine, Evan Buckley from Hershey, Pennsylvania. Because you’re not a random grab, no, I wanted you specifically. ‘Why’s that?’ I hear you ask. Well, what a great question Red, it’s because I’ve been following your career for quite some time and I wanted to meet you so badly.” 

“Are you going to monologue this whole time or actually do something, arsehold?” 

“You actually want me to torture you? This is a first. But then again you’re my first SEAL and your lot are a different breed of crazy.” Red felt fingers curl under the blindfold and ease it off. The sudden onslaught of bright light made him squeeze his eyes shut, “Bit too bright? Sorry.” It was sarcastic, he clearly wasn’t sorry. 

After a second he was finally able to open his eyes, instead of seeing some dank old torture cave, the place was extremely clean and neat. He’d been in a torture den or two in his time (usually breaking people out) and none of them had been this nice before. 

“There are those baby blues.” The man had a sadistic grin on his face, “Now, I know your name, but you don’t need to know mine, but you can call me ‘The Doctor’ if you like, or is that too basic? It’s a bit cliche, but it does the job.” He shrugged, “Well, I’ve said it now, guess I’m stuck with it, but that’s a lot of syllables to beg with, don’t you think? Because I promise you you will be begging me to stop. So how about just ‘Doc’ for short.” 

Doc stepped back and began pacing, “No, I’m not interested in your work in Afghanistan, I’m more interested in Norway. That was your first assignment, right?” Red just glared at him, not even opening his mouth, “It’s interesting, because there are no official records of any missions in Norway, but I know some people and they’ve reliably informed me that there was a team out there, and that you were on that team. Care to comment?” Red yet again kept his mouth shut, “You’re not much of a talker, are you?” Doc came over and crouched down in front of him, “Maybe you just need some convincing, and I think you’ll find I can be very persuasive.” 

Doc stood and used his knife to delicately slice Red’s top open, “Now, I’m going to be nice, I’ll start easy, just a nudge.” He rested the tip of the blade on Red’s sternum and began to gently trail it down his torso, not using enough pressure to break the skin, “So, let’s try one more time,” He put enough pressure on the knife that he was able to break the skin, the slice not too dissimilar to a paper cut. Red didn’t react, his eyes didn’t even twitch, “What were you doing in Norway? What was the mission?” When he didn’t get a response Doc traced over the cut he’d made, adding even more pressure so he went deeper, drawing blood to the surface, still not getting a reaction out of Red. “If you don’t talk I am going to take you apart bit by bit and I won’t stop until you are nothing but pulp.” He threatened. 

Red couldn’t help but laugh at that, “God, you really are cheesy, aren’t you? ‘Call me the Doctor’, taking me apart bit by bit, won’t stop until I’m nothing but pulp? Where did you learn this shit, James Bond?” Doc clearly didn’t appreciate being mocked as he plunged the knife into Red’s abdomen. But he knew how to take pain, breathing through it so he wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction. 

“Tell me!” Doc demanded, pulling the knife out, “Why Norway?”

“I wasn’t in Norway.” Red bit out, “The SEALs have never operated there. You’ve been fed false information.” It was all a lie of course, Red had been in Norway with the SEALs but it was highly classified and he most certainly wasn’t going to tell this Bond villain wannabe that. 

He plunged the knife back in, just below the first wound, but Red hid the pain behind another laugh, “Most people would be more interested in Bin Laden, but you’re hooked on Norway. Fucking Norway. What the fuck do you think we’d even want in Norway? Elves? Trolls? Oh, how about a Draugr! The American military with its undead creature fighting its wars.” Red felt a fist connect with his face, it hurt like a bitch but was nothing he couldn’t handle, he’d taken far worse, far worse than anything Doc had done so far.

“We’re here to see Evan Buckley.” A guy said, stepping up to the nurses desk. 

“I’m sorry sir but we don’t have any Evan Buckely’s admitted to this hospital right now.” The nurse said, not actually looking overly apologetic. 

“Are you sure the Chief said Presbyterian?” A second guy asked. 

The first guy glared at him, “Of course I’m sure Stu, he must just be flying under the radar again.” He then turned back to the nurse, “Six two, white guy, birthmark over the eye, pretty hard to miss.” 

“Canmoor? Whitman? What are you doing here?” Both men turned to find Eddie walking towards them.

“We’re here to see Red.” The first guy, Canmoor, explained. 

Eddie guided them away from the nurses desk, “You can’t be here.” He hissed, “What the hell are you thinking?” 

“We just wanted to check in on him, make sure he’s okay.” 

“He’s in a fucking coma Whitman, of course he’d not okay.” Eddie snapped. 

“Woah, cool it Diaz, I knew you army guys could be hot headed, but this is just excessive.” Whitman joked, hands up in surrender. 

“Hey, Whitman, not the time, man. Show some respect, his boyfriend’s in a coma.” 

“You say that like Red hasn’t been through worse. I mean fucking hell, lightning won’t kill ol’ Red Eyes, not even a bullet to the brain could.” 

“It already did, the lightning already killed my husband.” Eddie growled, “Twice.” Eddie let out a frustrated sigh, “Just go, seriously, he won’t want to see any SEALs here.” 

“We’re here as friends, not SEALs.” Canmoor promised, “Can we just pop our heads in and say hi.” 

“Say hi to the man in a coma? He won’t want to see either of you whilst conscious so I highly doubt he wants to hear from you whilst he’s comatosed and unable to shut you up.” 

Eddie turned to walk away only for Whitman to stop him, “It’s a dick move keeping us away from our friend. A friend who we’ve pulled out of worse situations than you can even imagine.” 

“Friends?” Eddie rounded on him, “In what world are you his friends? You left him to die in the middle of the desert, it was my team that found him and got him to safety.” 

Whitman stalked over to him, the two of them nose to nose as they stared each other down, “I wasn’t talking about that, I was talking about when he was t-”

“That is enough Petty Officer Whitman.” Canmoor snapped. 

“Oh come on Ca-”

“You are one misstep away from revealing classified information, so I suggest you shut your mouth and stand down, now.” 

Whitman stepped back, glaring at Eddie, “Fine, fine, but don’t talk shit when you don’t know anything about our relationship, cunt.” 

Eddie began to get riled up, he’d never liked Whitman, not when they crossed paths in Afghanistan, and not now, “I know my husband well enough to know that he never wants to see your face again.” 

“Well he won’t be seeing it, he’s in a fucking coma.” 

At that Eddie went to pounce on him, only for Bobby’s strong arms to wrap around him and hold him back, Canmoor doing the same to Whitman, “Stand down Petty Officer.” Canmoor ordered at the same time Bobby said, “Take a breath Eddie.” Both men doing as they were told. 

Once he was calm Eddie addressed Canmoor and Whitman, “I don’t know why you’re actually here and I don’t care, but you need to leave before I call security.” Canmoor nodded, dragging Whitman away.

Once the SEALs were gone Eddie deflated, “What the hell was that about?” Bobby asked. 

“A couple of Buck’s team mates from his SEAL days.” Eddie sighed and walked over to one of the waiting room seats, flopping down in it.

Bobby walked over to join him, “I’m assuming they didn’t part on good terms?” 

Eddie let out a bitter chuckle, “That’s one way to put it.” Bobby looked at him expectantly, waiting for Eddie to expand, “They left him for dead. We didn’t know who it was at first, just that they were a SEAL lying in blood soaked sand. But as soon as I realised it was my boyfriend-” Eddie shook his head with a sad sigh, “First time I got to see all his scars.” Eddie waved a hand around his chest area to illustrate his point, “When he came to, he wasn’t able to tell us much, just kept saying it was classified. And then we came home.” 

“And became firefighters.”

“Exactly.” 

Suddenly they heard alarms coming from Buck’s room, the two of them rushing over to the window that looked in on Buck, allowing them to watch as nurses rushed in and kicked Maddie and Hen out of the room. 

“What’s going on?” Eddie asked, panic lacing his words. 

“His O2 levels plummeted.” Hen told them, watching on with wide, haunted eyes, “His blood isn’t being oxygenated enough.”

Red desperately tried to take a breath in but he couldn’t, whatever Doc had around his neck was cutting off his air supply. He couldn’t do anything to stop him, his hands bound to the chair, so he had to just sit there and take it. 

Suddenly the pressure released and his lungs filled with air again, “What were you doing in Norway?” Doc demanded. 

“Fuck you!” Red rasped, only earning himself a solid punch to the face. He spat out the blood that had pooled in his mouth, holding eye contact with his captor. 

“So you can take a punch from him but not me?” His eyes snapped to the corner of the room where he saw a man leaning up against the wall, “That’s pretty pathetic Evan. He’s literally torturing you, has been for weeks, but one punch from me has you cowering on the floor?” He let out a malicious laugh, “And you still won’t forgive me, real mature man.” 

“Chimney, you’re not supposed to be here. You need to go.” He begged. 

“You want me to leave? Just like you made me leave the 118? Leave our family?” He scoffed. 

“It’s not like that! I’m sorry, I was scared of you triggering this, but it wasn’t my choice to send you away.” 

“Why am I not surprised that you can’t take accountability.” Chimney shook his head and walked out of the room. 

As soon as he’d left, the door slamming shut behind him, Red’s attention was forced back to Doc when the man branding him with a red hot poker. 

Jo stepped into Red’s room, looking around at all the cards, balloons and flowers that filled the place. Her eyes finally landed on the man she was looking for, laying deathly still with a tube down his throat, wires and lines connected to him. 

“Fucking hell man, this is extreme, even for you.” She sighed, walking over to take the seat next to his bed, “Canmoor and Whitman tried to come by and see you, Diaz wouldn’t let them though.” She shook her head with a slight huff, “Dick move from your boyfriend really.

“Anyway, Venga heard and let us all know so we could come by and see you.” Her eyes roamed over him, taking everything in, “Is the ECMO a new addition? He didn’t mention that when I spoke to him last.” 

“Excuse me?” A woman’s voice said. Jo turned to see her standing in the doorway, looking unimpressed, “Who are you and what are you doing in here?” 

She stood and stepped forward, reaching her hand out to shake, “CPO Josephine Beresford.” The woman looked confused, head tilted as she analysed her, not reaching out to take the offered hand “Chief Petty Officer.” She clarified, dropping her hand, “I served with Red, uh, Evan, in Afghanistan.” 

“He goes by Buck now, but I don’t think you should be here.” 

“Right, sorry, uh…” She was clearly looking for a name. 

“Hen.” 

“Right, Hen, well, I’m really glad he has people as protective as you around, but he’s a good friend, or was a good friend, I guess. I just wanted to come by and see how he was.” 

Hen’s eyes softened at that but she didn’t back down, “Eddie’s got a strict ‘no SEAL’ policy going right now, so I’d leave before he gets here if I were you. Or even worse, before Buck’s Mum gets here.” There was the sound of footsteps and Hen turned to look down the corridor before turning back to Jo, cringing, “Too late.” 

Eddie had Chris in his arms, Athena walking by his side carrying three coffees, she handed one to Hen but froze as soon as she saw Jo, whilst Eddie slid past his mother-in-law as soon as he realised who it was, “You need to leave.” He told her. 

“Come on Diaz, you can’t keep us all from seeing him.” 

“Yes I can.” He was stone faced, clearly not willing to budge, “It’s like I told Canmoor and Whitman; he won’t want to see you and he won’t want to hear you, so leave before I call security.” 

“Come on man, he’s my friend, I just want to see him.” 

“You lost the right to call him your friend years ago.” He snapped, his tone upsetting Chris, he immediately softened and turned to the boy in his arms, “Hey, I’m sorry buddy, I’m sorry, it’s okay, it’s okay.” He did his best to sooth his son, holding him close as he whispered reassurances. 

“Hey, why don’t you come with me?” Hen swooped in and took her Nephew, “Let’s go outside.” As she went to step away Chris just cried harder, “Baba, want Baba.” 

“I know Chrissy, we can see him in a minute, your Da’s just talking with the lady over there.” 

“No, it’s fine Hen, Jo was just leaving, weren’t you?” 

“Diaz-”

“Beresford, you’re leaving because our son wants to see his Dad and you’re not welcome here.” 

Athena stepped in, “I would advise you leave of your own accord.” She warned, “I can have officers here in seconds.” 

“Fine, fine.” She held her hands up in surrender before leaving, sparing Buck one last glance before she walked out. 

Eddie felt himself deflate as soon as she was out of the room. 

Athena placed a comforting hand on his back and after a few seconds of leaning into the comforting sensation Eddie took a deep breath and composed himself, finally going to take his son off of Hen. 

“I’m so sorry about that Chris, are you okay?” 

Chris nodded, “Uh-huh.” 

“Okay, good. Shall we spend some time with Baba, Aunty Hen and Nanny Thena then?” 

“Yes please.” Eddie sat in the chair Jo had previously occupied, with Chris in his lap, Athena perched on the edge of the bed, and Hen stood beside her. 

“Hello Baba.” Chris greeted. 

“Remember what I said Chrissy Boy, you can talk to Baba but he’s sleeping so won’t be able to reply, yeah?” 

Chris nodded but looked sad, “Wake up?” 

“We can’t wake him up just yet, he needs lots of rest because he’s really poorly.” He explained, “But he can still hear us, so we can tell him all about what we’ve been doing, like how well your speech therapist says you’re doing.” Chris had a speech delay, his doctors were pretty sure it was a result of autism as there was a high chance he had it. Eddie was his biological father and had it, whilst autism was in the Buckley genetic makeup, as proven by Buck, so there was a good chance Maddie carried the genes for it and could’ve passed them on even though she didn’t have it herself. Add the speech delay and the doctors were fairly certain that was the case. But Chris had begun seeing a speech therapist and was making excellent progress. 

“And you got to hang out with Great Aunty Toni and Denny the other day.” Hen added. 

Chris nodded very seriously, “Yes, I did.”

“Did you have fun?” Eddie asked him. 

“Yeah, lots and lots.” 

“We love Great Aunty Toni and Denny, don’t we?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“They really enjoyed spending time with you.” Hen told him before turning back to Buck, “Mum sent me loads of pictures of them together, I’ll show them to you when you wake up, but there’s loads of Denny helping Chris to walk.” 

“He’s getting really good.” Eddie added, “I know it’s only been a week and a half but he’s really improved since you last saw him.” Eddie turned back to Chris, “And what are you doing tomorrow big man?” 

“Park with Nanny Thena.” He bounced about in excitement in Eddie’s lap.

“We’re planning on having a picnic.” Athena added, “Grandpa Bobby’s made lots of treats for us. We’ll be sure to take lots of photos to sh-” 

Buck suddenly began seizing, “Fuck!” Eddie hit the call button whilst Hen stuck her head out of the door, “We need help in here!” She called out, panic evident in her voice. 

Athena took Chris off of Eddie, the little boy crying at the sudden panic that encompassed the room. Athena immediately walked out with him and went to the waiting room, keeping her Grandson as far from the medical emergency as possible. 

Red really wished he could be grateful for being released from the chair, but the fact that that had led to a metal exam table made it all worse. 

He screamed out again as his body seized with the electric pulses coursing through his nerves each time Doc used the cattle prod. 

He’d reached his limit for keeping a straight face, but he still refused to talk. He’d let Doc hear his screams but Red wouldn’t say a single word that related to Norway, Doc would have to kill him first. 

“This can all end if you just tell me about Norway, it’s as easy as that.” 

“Fuck you you psycho!” Red hissed before his nerves were lighting up in pain again. His face contorted with pain, his eyes squeezed shut. 

After what felt like a lifetime Doc stopped, all tension leaving Red’s body. 

Suddenly there was a hand running through his hair making him flinch, “Hey, hey, Buck, it’s okay, it’s me, it’s Eddie.” He slowly blinked his eyes open to see him sat on the edge of the table, “I need you to wake up for me bud.” 

“I am awake.” He whispered, not having enough energy to speak louder. 

Eddie looked sad, no, he looked devastated, “You’re not.” A tear ran down his face as he leant down to place a kiss on Buck’s forehead, “Come on.” He stood and undid the restraints, helping Buck up. 

Eddie pulled him into a hug, “I love you, so you need to wake up.” 

“I am, come on, show me the way out Eddie, we can get out of here and everything will be fine.” 

“I can’t Buck, I’m sorry.” Eddie sounded heartbroken as he pulled out of the hug, holding Buck’s face in his hands. 

But Buck stepped back and away from Eddie, “What? What do you mean you can’t?” 

“It has to be you, you’ve got to fight so you can wake up.” 

“I am awake! Why do you keep telling me to wake up when I am?” Buck just didn’t understand. He pressed the balls of his hands into his eyes, trying to hold back a frustrated scream. 

He felt Eddie’s hands wrap around his wrists, gently using them to take his hands from his face, “Let me show you.” He led Buck through a door and up to a window. On the other side was a hospital bed, it took him a few minutes to process it all, but once he did he realised it was him in the bed, Eddie sat in the chair next to him. 

Buck didn’t understand, “W- what the fuck?” 

Eddie slipped his hand into Buck’s, the two of them watching themselves on the other side of the window, “I’m going to wait for you, as long as it takes, I promise. But your body can’t take this for much longer, so you need to do something sooner rather than later.” 

Buck turned to Eddie, tears dribbling down his face, “Eddie, I don’t know if I can, I don’t think I’m strong enough.” 

“You can, you’ve gotten out of here before, you can do it again.” Eddie used his free hand to brush dirty curls off of Buck’s face. 

Buck shook his head vigorously, “No, no I didn’t, my team got me out last time.” 

Eddie let out an affectionate huff, a small smile on his face, “Buck, this is your coma dream, it’ll be like lucid dreaming, now that you know you can control it. So control it you idiot.” 

That got a small laugh out of Buck, “Alright, alright, I hear ya.” He leant forward and kissed Eddie, “See you on the other side?” 

“I’ll be waiting.” He promised.

“This is getting a bit dramatic, you know.” Eddie tried to joke even though his voice was gummy from crying, “I really miss your eyes.” He admitted in a quiet voice, “This is the longest I’ve gone without seeing them since Afghanistan and I hate that. And I miss your voice, it’s been three weeks and you haven’t given me some fun fact or told me about your latest research spiral. I, uh, God, it’s a bit embarrassing but I’ve been listening to your voicemails that I’ve got saved, there’s one in particular that I love,” He shook his head with a chuckle as he thought about it, “It’s a really stupid one, but it’s my favourite. I don’t think you remember sending it because you were black out drunk. You’d gone out with a friend from Hershey who was visiting LA, and you called me at three am, but I wasn’t able to answer as I’d left my phone in our room and fallen asleep on the couch. 

“But you were drunkenly rambling, telling me how much you loved me, and you were very adamant that you were going to marry me one day but you needed to be sober when you proposed.” 

Eddie pulled his phone out and pulled up the recording, hitting play, the sound of an extremely drunk Buck filtering out of the speaker, “Eddie, Eddie, oh my God Eddie, I love you so much, like so so much, so much to the point it’s like, loving you is my whole purpose in life, ya know? Jesus Christ, I love everything about you, your eyes, your hair, it’s so soft, like a cat. Oh and your arse, holy fuck your arse is fantastic, it’s so rotund and just, damn, you know, great for squeezing, like my own personal stressball. 

“Fun fact, I love fun facts, here’s a fun fact for you, fun fact I’m gonna marry you. Will yo- wait no, I can’t ask now, this isn’t very romantic, imma ask you to marry me but not over the phone, and not whilst I’m absolutely wasted, but I will ask you, that’s a p-promise, gonna marry you, but can’t ask now, gotta make it all cute and shit like you deserve. Heh, imma have a husband, we’re gonna have such a cheesy first dance, something like that Aerosmith song, the one in, in- ah fuck, what’s the film? Uh, Bruce Willis, there’s an asteroid and Steve Buscheme, oh fuck, eh, you know the one I mean, ‘I could stay awake just to see you breathing, could stay awake far away, dreaming, I could stay here forever, every moment with you I treasure, duh duh duh, I don’t wanna miss a thiiiiing’,” It was an extremely offkey, extremely incorrect rendition of the song but it had Eddie chuckling, “The point IS, I’m gonna marry you, and we’re gonna be disgustingly ado- ado- adorable, about it. Oh shit, shots! Bye-e, I love you!” 

And then the message ended, “We never did get that first dance. Maybe once you wake up we should do it. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, we could just dance in the kitchen, but we’d know what it was.” 

Red had to get out, he had people waiting for him so he needed to get free. So he ran, he ran and ran and ran, corridor after corridor, door after door, only for a dead end to stop him. 

He turned to run back the way he’d come, only to find Doc blocking the way, “Oh, come on Red, we were having so much fun.” 

“You might have been, but I’m ready to get the hell out of here.” He bit back. 

Doc pouted at him sarcastically, “Oh, that’s sweet, you think you can leave? You’re stuck here with me Buck. You’re stuck and you’re going to die because Eddie is wrong, you’re not strong enough, so just give in and die already! Save them from the pain of waiting, save them from the false hope, because you’re not waking up from this.” 

He punched Doc without having to think about it, landing a hit to the jaw, “Fuck you, you don’t know shit about me!” 

Doc laughed, straightening up as he wiped blood from his mouth, “Oh Evan, that’s the problem, I know everything about you.” He stalked towards him, boxing Buck in, looking like he was about to attack, “Now, either you lay down and die, or I kill you slowly and horribly, torturing that body of yours that your husband is so lovelying holding vigil over.” 

“You can’t hurt me, you’re dead, Canmoor killed you.” 

“No, Canmoor killed Doctor Brodie Wingate. Whereas you’ve manifested the trauma of those lovely three months in captivity and slapped my face on there, so I can have fun with you all over again. And this time I actually get to kill you.” 

Buck lunged at him, knife in hand, a knife he’d summoned because, yeah, coma Eddie was right, this was just like lucid dreaming. 

The wall behind him melted away, “Red, duck!” He immediately recognized Beresford’s voice, following her instructions as a bullet whizzed past, striking Doc in the shoulder. 

“We’ve got company.” Canmoor called out, as Red jogged to meet his team mates; Whitman, Venga and Silva completing the mix. 

Red grabbed the gun Venga passed him, “Good to have you back kid.” 

“Good to be back Chief.” 

He whirled around to get into position, the team falling into a familiar formation, only for him to see Jeffery Huddson. 

The man had a sadistic smile on his face, “Back for round two, and this time you’re not getting so lucky.” 

“Red!” Silva got his attention, jerking his head towards another person, Jonah. 

“We could’ve teamed up, if we had none of this would be happening.” 

“He’s right.” Red whirled round to see Mitchell, “Could’ve saved yourself a whole lotta time.” 

Dominic was by his side, “Really wish I’d been allowed to kill you back then.” 

“Any more traumatising assholes wanna make an appearance?” Red yelled, “Because this dramatic villain entrance shit is just getting boring.” One final person stepped forward, Freddie Costas, “Great, just great.” Red groaned, rolling his eyes. He rolled his shoulders back, and got ready, raising his gun.

Eddie, Maddie, Bobby and Athena stood in Buck’s room with Doctor Kane waiting to see if he would take a breath unassisted. 

Bullets went flying, Red falling into the familiar routine of fighting for his life, his team at his back as they fought to get Red home. 

As they waited for Buck to take in a breath, it felt like all of them were holding their own.

“Red, go, now!” Venga yelled, “We’ve got it from here.” 

Red took off running, but this time it felt like he knew the way, he wasn’t running down random corridors, he was actually running to a destination, he was running home.  

He knew he’d reached the right door because Eddie was standing there waiting for him, “I see you took my advice.” He joked. 

“Hey, you’ve got my back, of course I’m gonna take your advice. Unless it’s cooking advice.” He joked.

Eddie chuckled and then gave him a quick kiss on the lips, “Go on then cowboy, it’s time for you to go home.” 

Buck leant in for one more kiss, a whispered “Thank you” that Eddie felt on his lips more than heard. 

And then Buck pulled away and opened the door, white light shining through. He knew, in his gut, that this wasn’t the kind of light people talked about when they walked towards heaven, if he was going to die here it would've been at the hands of Doc or one of the many other traumas he’d manifested. 

No, this was the light he associated with Eddie. 

So he stepped into it and took a breath.

Chapter Text

Eddie is at his bedside when Buck finally wakes up, a whole month after the lightning strike. 

Carla had just picked Chris up to take him to his physical therapy appointment and Eddie was sitting by his bed, talking to him about some drama that had been going on with the neighbours. 

“-she’s honestly becoming a major problem, I mean, it’s constant, every night, just a loop of EDM until six am.” 

There was a weak, “Fuck that shit” from the bed.

Eddie’s head snapped up to see Buck’s eyes open, they were glazed over from exhaustion, drugs and a month long coma but they were open and Buck had a lazy smile on his face. 

Eddie’s face broke into a massive grin, so big it hurt, “Buck? Hey Buddy. Oh you don’t know how happy I am to see those eyes of yours.” 

“Hey Eds.” His eyes slipped shut again and he drifted off. But this time Buck was just asleep, not in a coma, just asleep, and it felt like there was solid ground beneath him again. 

Buck was sat up in bed, talking with Maddie when Chris came in. He was on his crutches, walking along, Eddie just behind him. 

Buck’s face went from a soft smile to a massive grin, “Chrissy boy!” 

“Hi Baba!” His smile was just as big. 

As soon as Chris reached the bed Eddie scooped him up and popped him up with Buck, Buck immediately bringing him into a crushing hug, his son clinging on with all of his strength. 

“Oh, baby boy, I’ve missed you.” He sniffled a bit, eyes misting up. 

“Missed you too.” 

Buck couldn’t stop the watery laugh that came out of him, “God, listen to you, you’ve gotten so good.” 

Eddie sat on the edge of the mattress, “We’ve been practicing a lot, haven’t we Chris?” Chris nodded, “Can you tell Baba how?” 

“Been talking to you.” He said, looking up at Buck from where he was cuddled against his Dad’s chest. 

“To me? I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk back.” Buck placed a kiss on the top of Chris’ head, 

He felt Chris shrug, his happy-go-lucky boy still happy-go-lucky, “That’s okay.” 

“He’s like you,” Maddie said, “He’s a real yapper.” 

Chris wiggled out of the hug so he was just sat in Buck’s lap, “Yap, yap, yapping.” He nodded sagely. 

“We’re gonna be a right pair, yapping away.” Buck joked, “When your Da’s being all dark and broody we’ll annoy him with all our facts.” 

“Hey, I don’t get dark and broody!” Eddie squawked.

Maddie and Buck shared a look before turning to Eddie, getting a groan out of him, knowing that the siblings had just had a silent conversation he wasn’t privy to. The siblings let out a ‘nah’ in unison, before bursting out laughing, which got a laugh out of Chris too. 

“Hey Buckaroo.” Athena greeted, pulling him into a hug as soon as she opened the door. 

He hugged her back, holding her tightly, “Hey Mum.” 

“Your Pops is in the kitchen.” She told him, pulling out of the hug and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. She then scooped Chris up, “Oh, it’s my favourite boy.” She said, peppering his face with kisses. 

“Tickles.” Chris laughed as he wiggled around. 

She then leant over and gave Eddie a kiss on the cheek, “Hi Baby.” 

“Hey Athena.” He kissed her back before walking in and closing the door behind himself. 

She put Chris down once she got to the bottom of the steps that lead into the living space, Chris was still a bit shaky on steps so they were taking it day by day as he began to get more comfortable with them. 

Bobby appeared from the kitchen with Buck following closely behind who had May and Harry at his side. More greetings happening as they joined the group. 

The plan was for a small Grant-Nash Diaz family dinner now that Buck was out of hospital. 

Buck and Bobby spent the day in the kitchen, cooking together whilst the others were out in the garden, enjoying the sun. 

“How’re you feeling kid?” Bobby eventually asked.

Buck nodded, “Yeah, good, good.” 

Bobby didn’t believe him, not fully at least, “Want to try that again?” 

“Really Pops, I’m okay, or as okay as I can be after waking up from a month long coma after dying, twice, because I was struck by lightning.” Buck didn’t take his eyes off of the carrots he was chopping, “How about you? How’re you?” 

“Me?” He didn’t get why Buck was asking how he was, “I wasn’t the one who got struck by lightning.” 

“Yeah, but you’re my Dad, and I, like, died. If that were Chris, well, I, uh, I can’t even begin to imagine how I would feel, but I know I wouldn't be okay.” 

Bobby nodded, letting out a huff through his nose, “I- I’m relieved that you’re okay. But I’m also scared about losing you again, because this isn’t the first time you’ve had a near death experience and that scares me, a lot.” Bobby put his knife down, having used it as a distraction, “I know I didn’t get to raise you when you were a kid, I really wish I had, but that’s not the point right now. The point is that over these last few years you’ve become such a part of me I don’t want to think of a world without you, because you’re my son. And I am scared to death of losing you. But you’re still here, you survived, so I’m doing okay, and getting better.” 

They both went back to chopping, a beat of silence as they worked was broken by Buck, “I love you Pops, you know that, right?” 

“Yeah, I know that, and I love you too Buck.” 

Buck’s hand stuttered, his body buffering as his mind swirled, he had a conversation he needed to have with Bobby and Athena, a conversation that Eddie had said he didn’t mind Buck having on his own with his parents. 

“I need to talk to you and Mum.” He said, voice quiet. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.” He stepped away and flagged his wife down, getting her to come inside. 

“Hey Baby, everything alright?” Athena asked, leaning against the other side of the kitchen partition whilst Bobby and Buck went back to cooking. 

“Yeah, I, uh, so me and Eddie have been talking, because of, you know, everything, and, uh, we got to updating our wills.” He took a deep breath, psyching himself up, “So, currently Maddie is down as the person we want to take Chris should something happen to the both of us, but we’re still wary about Howard so we need to change it. And we, well, we were wondering if we could put you down as Chris’ legal guardians, should anything happen to us.” He quickly rushed into a “B- but if you don’t want to, it’s fine, we can ask Hen and Karen or Tia Pepa, but, you’re his Grandparents and we don’t want him to go with Eddie’s parents, we’d want him to be with you, but like I said, you don’t have to, it’s fine, rea-”

Suddenly there was a hand taking the knife from him and putting it on the chopping board before he was being pulled into a hug by Athena, “We’d love that, of course we would.” 

“It’d be our honour, Buck, although I hope it won’t be necessary.” Bobby added, joining the hug.

“Thank you, thank you so much.” 

They suddenly pulled back, sharing a look over Buck’s head, a silent conversation happening, a silent decision being made. 

“How about we have a seat, sweetheart?” Athena prompted.

“But dinner-” Buck looked confused as Athena guided him over to the dining table, her and Bobby sitting with Buck. 

“Dinner can wait,” Bobby told him, “We’ve actually got a conversation we want to have too. We were going to do it after dinner, but given we’ve just discussed your will this is the best time for us to have this talk.” 

“Now, you’re allowed to say no and we won’t be offended in the slightest, it’s an offer, that’s all it is.” Athena continued. 

“An offer we’d love you to say yes to, but saying no won’t change a single thing between us.” Buck looked between the two of them, confused, but Bobby kept talking, “At the hospital, when you were first rushed to the ER, Margaret and Philip Buckley came by, and they were, well, they were their usual selves.”

“But I had them banned from visiting you. But they were trying to pull the ‘we’re his parents’ card, but they haven’t been that in a while, right?” 

“Right.” Buck was very confused, unsure of where this was going. 

“Buck, Baby, how would you feel about us adopting you?” Buck’s eyes widened in shock, he hadn’t expected Athena to say that. “It’s an offer, and you can say no if you want to, but adult adoption is a very real thing and it means that in a legal sense we’ll be your parents, as well as emotionally.” 

“We don’t need an answer straight away as we know it’s a big thing, but-”

“Yes!” Buck blurted out, “Yes, please, I want that, I really, really want that!” Athena cupped his cheek with her hand and used her thumb to wipe away a tear that was rolling down his cheek, but it was all in vain as another fell, and another, as Buck began to sob, throwing himself at her and clinging on tightly, a loop of ‘yes’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ muffled by her shoulder. Buck blindly reached an arm behind him, urging Bobby to join them, until the three of them were one big jumble of limbs. 

“Hey, have you se-” May cut herself off as she processed the sight in front of her, she immediately knew what had happened, “You already asked him? I thought we were doing it after dinner?” 

Buck’s head popped up from the huddle, hair a mess and face red and tear stained, “You knew?” 

“Of course I knew.” She scoffed, crossing her arms, “I’m the one who told them adult adoption was even a thing.” 

“Fucking hell May, get over here and join the hug then.” Buck urged with a teary laugh. She joined without hesitation. 

By the end of dinner all of the paperwork had been signed and was ready to be sent off. 

So Buck could do math now? He honestly couldn’t believe it. He’d always struggled with math at school, only just managing to scrape by with a passing grade.

Throughout Buck’s probationary year Bobby had clocked many ‘habits’ and ‘quirks’ of his that heavily implied he was neurodivergent and dealing with some learning difficulties. When he’d finally approached Buck about it, asking why he hadn’t disclosed the information on his forms he just got a confused look from the man, which led to Bobby sending him to a psychiatrist. 

When Buck came back to him with a plethora of diagnoses, all of them comorid, he wasn’t surprised. There was the OCD, ADHD and Autism, as well as severe dyslexia and dyscalculia. 

And suddenly his struggles at school all made sense.

But that meant when he was suddenly able to do mental math it was extremely disconcerting and overwhelming, before the lightning strike he could count up in twos if he was focusing really hard, anything above that (other than fives and tens) was impossible. And all of a sudden he was doing complex calculations that most people couldn’t figure out with the help of paper and a pen in his head. 

It was really fucking cool but it also made him feel very off kilter as numbers went from being a jumbled confusion of symbols and shapes to a whole language he could speak fluently. 

So he started counting everything, obsessively, because he started to find numbers everywhere. 

Letters had numbers.

Words had numbers.

Numbers had numbers. 

Uppercase ‘A’ was three, lowercase ‘a’ was two, uppercase ‘B’ was three, lowercase ‘b’ was two, uppercase ‘C’ was one, lowercase ‘c’ was one, uppercase ‘D’ was two, lowercase ‘d’ was two, and so on and so forth. 

The ‘Los Angeles Fire Department’ on the side of the truck was forty-six, ‘Chris’ was seven, ‘Eddie’ was eleven, ‘Bobby’ was ten, ‘Athena’ was thirteen.

The ‘118’ on the side of the engine was five, their house number, 3682, was six, his date of birth, 06/27/1991 was fourteen, Athena’s date of birth, 03/22/1968, was thirteen. 

Everything had a numerical value and he couldn’t stop counting them, everywhere he went he counted everything, he couldn’t stop. 

But only he seemed to understand the equations, no one else seemed to be able to get it, couldn’t seem to get their heads around it. 

“It’s the number of lines it has.” He said for what felt like the thousandth time, “Look the uppercase ‘A’ is three, because there are three lines in it; diagonal, diagonal, horizontal,” He traced the lines of the letters painted on the side of the engine with his finger as he spoke, “that’s three lines. Whilst uppercase ‘M’ is four, up down up down, see? An- and, ‘1’ is two, it has two lines, see, short diagonal, long vertical.” 

“That’s not how it works Buck.” Hen told him, her voice soft. 

“No, no, but it can work like that. ‘Los Angeles’ is seventeen,” He pointed at each letter, giving the numerical value for each one he pointed to, “Two, one, one, three, two, two, two, one, two, one.” 

“Buc-”

“It works, it- it works, see.” He was beginning to get frantic, “118 that’s two, two, one. The ‘8’ is only one because it’s an infinite loop, that’s only one line, see?” He traced the eight multiple times, not lifting his finger from the decal once, “An ‘8’ is a one, but ‘1’ is two, look.” He then traced the one, making two clear lines that he broke up. 

Hen placed gentle hands on his biceps and tried to move him away but he refused to stop, “No, I need you to understand, ‘118’, two, two, one. Two, two, one, see? Two, two, one.” 

Eddie clattered down the stairs from the loft, moving quickly as he’d heard Buck’s voice begin to rise, “Two, two, one. Two, one, one, three, two, two, two, one, two, one. Two, two, one. Two, one, one, three, two, two, two, one, two, one. Two, one, one, three, two, two, two, one, two, one, three, one, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, three, two, two, two. There’s so many two’s, fuck-”

“Buck, you need to stop.” Eddie grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him away from the engine, “You’re spiralling, man, please. You’re in an OCD spiral so I need you to just focus on me, focus on my voice okay?” Buck gave him a jerky nod, “Yes, letters, numbers, words, they have a numerical value, you’re right, I promise you I see the pattern you’re building.” 

“You’re patronising me.” Buck’s voice wobbled. 

Eddie made sure to hold eye contact with Buck, something neither of them were particularly good at, but he needed his husband to see him, “I’m not, I promise you I’m not. The one is a two because it has two lines, an eight is a loop, it’s the infinity sign on its side. I see that, I understand it, and I am deadly serious. But we need to break this cycle because this ability to do math will wear off and then you won’t be able to count these letters, and you’re going to spiral even more.”

Buck shook his head frantically, “No, nope, Eddie, it’s in my head, it’s stuck there now.” 

“I know, which is why we need to start breaking the cycle now, the sooner we do it the better.” 

Eddie pulled Buck into his arms as his husband let out a sob, “I hate it, I hate breaking the cycle.”

“I know, and it’s not going to be pleasant, but we don’t have a choice. Come on, how about we go and talk about this in private?” Buck nodded so Eddie led him away to the bunk room. 

The beds weren’t large, big enough to fit one person comfortably but not much more than that. But Buck and Eddie still managed to fit on one together, Buck practically lying on top of Eddie, the two of them a tangle of long limbs. 

Eddie held him tightly, tucking Buck’s head under his chin, “We’re going to take this slowly, like we always do when a new ritual appears, okay?” Eddie felt Buck nod, “So, let’s set a limit for how long a word can be, we’re going to work to not count anything with over five letters or numbers in it.” Buck nodded again, “It’s going to feel bad but you remember the graph?”

Buck let out a small “Yeah.” 

“Good, talk me through it.” 

Buck began to trace a line with peaks along Eddie’s chest as he spoke, “Here’s my baseline.” The line was flat, “Here’s where I want to do a ritual, which triggers my anxiety.” He brought the line up, creating a peak, “I do the ritual, my anxiety drops,” The line began to go down, “and I hit my baseline again,” He went back to tracing the flat line he’d started with. 

“And then…” Eddie prompted. 

Buck began the graph again, drawing a straight line, “Here’s my baseline,” He brought the line back up, creating the peak, “I feel the need to do a ritual, but I don’t,” Instead of bringing the line down he kept going horizontal, “My anxiety doesn’t drop immediately, but over time,” He brought the line down, “It stops causing me anxiety because I’ve broken the ritual.” 

“Good.” Eddie placed a kiss on the crown of his head. “The anxiety won’t be pleasant, but I’ve got your back, the whole 118 are going to support you, so try and avoid counting things with more than five characters and we’ll see how it goes.” 

“But what if I spiral?” 

“Then I’ll give you a word under five characters and you can substitute it for that, until we can bring the number of characters down again. That good?” 

“Yeah, that’s good.” Buck turned his head so he could bury his face in Eddie’s neck. 

“But you need to talk to me about this, so I can help.” 

The concept of a living funeral was… weird. 

Eddie couldn’t get his head around it. 

He’d been to a fair few funerals in his time and he could say, without a shadow of a doubt, he would hate to go to his own. 

But he tried to shake off his confusion and just focus on the task at hand, getting the woman out from under the car. 

As the woman spoke about why she was having her own funeral though, Eddie couldn’t help but glance over at Buck. His husband had died, twice, and had been close to death so many times before that. He’d actually lost the most important person in his life, he’d imagined what Buck’s funeral would be like, what he’d do for it, how much it would destroy him, and yet this woman was having one whilst still alive. 

Funerals weren’t a nice thing, they weren’t a chance to hear all about yourself, they were a place of sadness and closure. A way to put your loved one to rest and let yourself honour them. Not whatever this shit was. 

He kept an eye on Buck, trying to see if he was struggling at any point so he could swoop in and help. He saw Buck cock his head to the side, his eyes darting about in the way they did when he was counting characters. So clearly he was stressed out, his rituals always got worse when he wasn’t feeling good. 

Buck went over to a woman so he could bandage her hand, so Eddie kept an ear and an eye out, worried that the funeral might be getting to him. 

“You could say death and I are old acquaintances.” He heard Buck joke after a minute, but his voice was tight, he was masking his discomfort. 

“Oh yeah?” He didn’t know who the woman was but she sounded fascinated, “How?” 

Buck let out an awkward chuckle, “I was struck by lightning a few months back, died for a bit, twice, but I survived.” Eddie was now fully zoned into the conversation, focus completely on Buck and the woman.

From his position Eddie couldn’t see her face but her voice was telling enough. And he could see Buck’s, which was the most important thing.

“Wow, that’s amazing, that must’ve been- wow. What was it like?” 

Eddie went to step in, to stop her, but Bobby called him over. Eddie made eye contact with him and shook his head and then jerked it towards Buck, Bobby knew what he meant so nodded his approval and called Ravi over instead. 

He walked towards Buck and the woman, but as he went he was stopped by Buck’s voice, faltering, “It wasn’t amazing, it was terrifying. I mean, actually dying, nothing really happened, but the coma dream I had was-” Buck looked away and shook his head, he looked up and clocked Eddie. He and Buck hadn’t discussed the coma dream, he knew he’d had one, he knew it was bad, and he knew he was in it. Buck directed the rest of the sentence at him, “It was really bad. I really want to be able to talk about it, but I can’t.” 

“Afghanistan?” Eddie asked. Whenever Buck said he wasn’t allowed to talk about something it always related to his time as a SEAL.

“Yeah, Afghanistan.” He confirmed. 

The woman looked between the two of them, but the two men had blocked her out, focusing on each other, “Counting?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah.” 

“Characters?” 

“Whole sentence.” 

“You need five?” Buck nodded, “Apple.” 

“Three, two, two, one, two.” Buck gave him a shaky smile. 

Eddie smiled back, but his was more stable, more sure, “Good, good. Wanna go give Hen a hand and I’ll finish up here?” 

Buck nodded and then scuttled off. Eddie took the seat Buck had just vacated and began to finish up wrapping her hand.

“For reference,” She began when Eddie didn’t so much as look at her, giving her the cold shoulder, “I’m a death doula, death is kind of my jam.” 

Eddie looked up at her, face as neutral as possible, “Well, death isn’t everyone’s ‘jam’ so maybe think before you speak, especially when the person you’re speaking to has told you they’ve died.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think, I just got excited.” 

“Not really an excuse, is it? Not when I couldn’t be in the back of the ambulance with my husband whilst our friends tried to revive him. When I was driving, and I was terrified that I was going to lose the love of my life, that our son would lose his father, if I didn’t drive fast enough. It’s not a good excuse when I was crying into my father-in-law’s arms, or sat at my husband’s bedside as he began seizing and almost died again, or when he stopped being able to breathe. It’s not an excuse when dying triggered his worst OCD spiral I have ever seen.” He pulled the bandage tight, “Done.” He stood, “Maybe think before you speak next time. I’m sure this job teaches you about tact, so I’d suggest using it.” He grabbed the med kit and left. 

There was a rule at the 118; you didn’t ask the Grant-Nash Diaz’s about their scars. Whenever they’d have someone new join the team Bobby made it explicitly clear that you don’t talk about it and you don’t stare. 

Obviously Buck and Eddie had seen all of their scars, the pair having mapped out each other’s skin a thousand times, but Eddie didn’t know where all of Buck’s came from. 

He knew all about the ones from Buck’s reckless childhood, each scar that had formed as a result of the drastic measures he’d taken to get his parents to even acknowledge him. And he knew all about the ones he’d gotten from being a firefighter, having witnessed most of them first hand. 

But most of them? Most of them were a mystery because they were from Afghanistan. 

Ever since their run in with Jeffery Hudson in the metro station something Buck had said played on a loop in his head whenever he saw his husbands scars; ‘I can tell you that I understand the human body and its pain tolerance very well’. Putting the pieces together wasn’t hard; it was clear Buck must’ve been pushed to his limits, learning first hand how much a human body can handle whilst he was overseas. 

Buck and Eddie were laying in bed, Buck’s sweater riding up to expose his soft stomach (Buck was in bulking season so a layer of fat, that Eddie adored, covered his abs). 

Eddie reached out and began to trace smooth skin, his fingers finding the ‘BW’ that was branded onto his pelvis, “Can I ask,” Eddie began, Buck looked down at him, “What does ‘BW’ stand for?” 

Buck let out a sad little huff, “That’s classified, I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, nothing to be sorry for, thought you’d say that.” He then began tracing the thin, five inch scar that sat not too far above it. It looked like it’d healed funny, like someone hadn’t done a very good job taking care of it. 

“You know I’d tell you all about them if I could, right?” 

Eddie pushed Buck’s sweater up enough that he could reach a scarred over bullet wound that sat just under Buck’s ribs, lightly rubbing his thumb over it, “I know. Please don’t feel bad about it, I really respect how seriously you take the confidentiality, so don’t worry about it.” 

“Thanks.” Buck let out a small sigh, “I can tell you they’re initials and they aren’t there by choice, but that’s as far as I can go. But you’ve already figured that out, right?” 

Buck felt Eddie’s head nod against his sternum, “I’d assumed as much.” Eddie’s breath hitched as he let his mind run through the catalogue of all of Buck’s scars, having memorised them years ago, “I can’t believe you survived all of this.” 

“Some days I can’t believe it either.” Buck admitted, “Red did something right, kept me alive.” 

Eddie propped himself up on his elbow, his thumb stroking along Buck’s tsunami scars that still stood out against his pale skin and blue eyes, even after all these years, “No, Red can’t take all the credit, you’re the one who survived it, Buck’s the one who came out the other side and thrived.” 

“You know, the first time I saw you after I came back from those six months away,” Buck’s hand went to the branded initials at the mention of the three months in captivity followed by three months of recovery he’d done before he went back to his team, “I felt my whole body relax, it felt like I could finally take a full breath again.” 

“Yeah, I was the same.” Eddie paused briefly, “Well, once you’d finished going mental on all those guys.” 

Buck let out a small, sad chuckle, “Yeah, I’m not particularly proud of that one.” 

Buck then encouraged Eddie to lay back down, a gentle hand on his sternum telling him to lie on his back, Buck then wrapping himself around the other man. His left leg rested on top of Eddie’s, bent at the knee, his stump stressing against the side of Eddie’s calf, whilst his other leg lay flat next to Eddie’s. Buck pressed his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck, one hand lay over his husband’s heart so he could feel it beating whilst the other was underneath him. 

Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck in response, holding onto him as tightly as possible, face pressed into Buck’s hair, breathing in his husband's scent as the two of them fell asleep. 

Buck spotted her as soon as he jumped out of the engine, the pair locking eyes. 

Jo was leaning up against the wall, arms crossed, one leg bent, foot on the wall. 

She straightened up and stepped away from the wall, walking over to him, uncrossing her arms, “Hey Red.” 

“What are you doing here?” He asked, voice tense. 

Jo sent him an awkward smile, “We need to talk.” 

“Do we?” He huffed, crossing his arms. 

He was aware that the rest of the team were behind him, watching on. He was also aware that Eddie was giving him the space to handle Jo himself but was ready to jump in should he need to. 

“Yeah man, we’re well overdue.”

Buck raised a judgmental eyebrow at her, “Seriously? Now?” He knew exactly what she meant. 

“Please Red, after everything- I need to clear the air.” 

Buck scoffed, “After all this time you finally want to talk about it? It takes me almost dying a second time for you to finally want to talk about the first time? Real mature Jo.”

“I know I should’ve done this sooner, we all should’ve, but it was hard for us.” 

“Hard for you? For you? How do you think I felt?” 

“You had Eddie.” She waved her hand towards the man in question. 

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t need you too. After everything that happened, you really think I wouldn’t need you? What the fuck is wrong with you?” He snapped. 

“I’m sorry, really, I’m so, so sorry.” 

“No, no, you don’t get to be sorry. You shouldn’t have left me there in the first place.” 

Suddenly the tones went off so Buck stormed off and pulled himself into the engine, leaving Jo behind. 

The ground beneath them shook as the road cracked and split, the bridge falling apart under their feet. 

Buck’s first thought was that an earthquake had hit, but the tremor was all wrong. He also hadn’t heard any kind of explosion so he didn’t think anyone had set off a bomb, but he thinks he’d heard a bang. He’d definitely felt an impact before it all fell apart though. 

As everything shifted below him and fell apart he saw the ambulance sliding towards him, forcing Buck to scrabble out of the way to avoid being crushed. Again. 

The ambulance overtook him so instead of being run over Buck fell onto the windscreen, body smashing against the glass, knocking the wind out of him. 

He took a second to get his bearings and then managed to pull in a full breath, forcing himself into his SEAL mentality. He sat up and surveyed the scene, taking it all in, assessing everything and making a plan of action in his head. 

His first port of call was Hen, so he slid along the windshield and climbed down to the open window, crawling in so he could get to her. 

“Hen? Hen, you with me?” He called out. When he didn’t get a response he reached into his pocket and grabbed the smelling salts he knew he kept in there, pulling one out and snapping it open under Hen’s nose. 

She inhaled deeply and her eyes fluttered open, “Buck?” 

“Hey, talk to me, how are you feeling?” 

“Pretty sure I’m concussed and bruised to high hell,” She groaned, “But other than that I’m fine.” She grabbed a tissue and reached up, wiping blood from Buck’s nose, “How’re you?” 

“I’m fine, just a few scrapes, don’t even feel them.” He reassured her. Buck then grabbed his radio, keying it, “118 sound off. Grant here with Wilson, we’re in the front of the ambo, I’m uninjured, Wilson is concussed.” 

“Diaz here, I’m in the van, pretty sure I’ve broken a few ribs. Not sure how long the van’s going to hold, I’m definitely at high risk of getting pancaked by the ambulance.”

“Panikkar, I’m in the back of the ambo with our patient, being impaled by a gurney but other than that I’m fine.” He let out a morbid chuckle at that. 

The rest of the 118 checked in, most injuries sounded minor enough that they weren’t in any risk, but bad enough that it looked like they were all out of commission for now, other than Buck and Bassey (who was still injured but it was minor enough that she could still help to an extent). The only person he hadn’t heard from was-

“Captain Nash?” Buck asked, but didn’t get a reply, “Captain Nash, come in.” Yet more silence. He released his radio letting out a, “Fuck.” He nodded to himself as he considered his next step, “Hen, I need to go back to get harnessed up, can you hang tight for me, I’ll be back to get you out as soon as I can.” 

Hen readjusted herself with a small groan, “Yeah, go get yourself set.” 

Buck nodded, “Alright, I won’t be long, just try and stay awake for me.” He then keyed his radio again, “Grant to Bassey.”

“Go ahead, Grant.”

“Can you send me down a line, I’m coming up to you.” 

“Roger that.” 

The rope came down a minute later so he climbed out of the ambulance and grabbed on, “I need to secure the ambo so don’t move too much.” Hen nodded at him and then he climbed up. 

“This is 727-L-30 on scene, report Captain Nash.” Athena’s voice was like a light in the dark, Buck had backup that was uninjured now, thank god.

Buck grabbed his radio to reply, “Firefighter Grant here, Captain Nash is currently unaccounted for so I’m taking temporary Captaincy.” Buck wasn’t sure where he sat on the acting Captain ladder, he knew Hen was top but she currently wasn’t in any state to take charge, making Buck the most experienced, uninjured firefighter. 

“Copy that Firefighter Grant. I’m going to start helping people on the ground whilst we wait for reinforcements.” He knew Athena was worried about Bobby, he could hear it in her voice, but she was staying professional, just like Buck was. 

“Alright, I’m going to get our people out of here.” 

Buck got harnessed up as Bassey got everything ready to secure the ambulance. Buck clipped into his line and took the hook off of her, he grabbed a capture strap then climbed back over the ledge and towards the downed ambulance. 

He made quick work of securing the hook to the ambulance, once he was satisfied he bounced some of his weight off the vehicle to make sure it didn’t shift. When it stayed put he climbed down to the drivers side window “Hey, I’m back. Can you unbuckle your seatbelt for me?” He asked. Hen nodded and undid her seatbelt, as soon as it was undone Buck slipped the capture strap over her head and helped her manoeuvre out of the seat and then out of the ambulance, “Okay, you ready to go?” 

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.” 

Buck gave her a small smile and then began to descend. As soon as the two of them were on solid ground Buck handed her off to Athena, “Probable concussion,” He reported, “I need her to sit back and do nothing.” 

Athena guided Hen away, “I’ll see what I can do, but no promises.” She joked, voice tense. 

Buck was immediately heading back up the fallen road, he assessed the situation as he went, trying to figure out who was in the most danger, “Panikkar, how are you doing?” 

“Bleeding but stable right now.” He replied.

“Okay, I’m going to Diaz first as the van is looking less stable than you guys and then I’ll be with you, think you can hold on?” 

“Yeah, we’re good here.” 

Buck reached the van and tried the doors but they wouldn’t open, the crash having put enough pressure on the vehicle that the doors had crumpled together, meaning he couldn’t open them, “Grant to Bassey.” 

“Go ahead, Grant.” 

“I need you to send me the saw down.” Bassey made quick work of it so in no time at all Buck was radioing Eddie, “Cover your eyes Diaz.” 

He began to cut along the seam of the back doors, sparks flying in all directions as the metal parted. After what felt like a lifetime he was able to pull the door open, the sight of Eddie under a quilt greeting him. 

“This is going to hurt.” He warned him, reaching a hand out. Eddie grabbed on and Buck pulled him as hard as he could, Eddie screaming in pain. Once he was free it didn’t take much manoeuvring to get him back on solid ground, the pair landed and Buck handed him off immediately. 

There was a sudden groan of metal as the ambulance began to shift, “Bassey, report.” Buck ordered.

“The engine is reaching its limit, I don’t think it’s gonna hold the ambo for much longer.” As if she’d jinxed it the ambulance shifted again and the van fell to the ground with a massive crash. Thankfully the ambulance was still attached, but for how long? Who knew.

“Shit.” He cursed under his breath, but he’d worked under worse conditions, he could do this. He keyed his radio, “Panikkar, I’m coming your way, just hold on for me.” 

“Not going anywhere Grant, don’t worry.” 

“Good kid.” Buck praised as he climbed up yet again. He got the side door open and leaned in, “Hi guys. Jo, you wanna come with me?” 

She nodded frantically, “Please.” 

“Okay, I need to put this on you.” He got the capture strap around her and then extracted her, bringing her down with ease, gently handing her off to Cairney and Sess, both of them in good enough condition to help her hop away from the scene and to safety. 

Just as Buck was getting ready to head back up for the last time things got even worse; the ambulance door swung open, sending Ravi tumbling. Thankfully he held on but was hanging freely, and given his condition Buck doubted he’d be able to hold on for long. 

Buck legged it, managing to get to Ravi just in time, just as the cavalry arrived. 

“Get me a gurney.” He yelled, not having enough hands to key his radio, so hopefully he’d been loud enough that his team heard him. 

He and Ravi traversed the highway until they were away from the ambulance and on the ground. Buck was able to put him straight on a gurney, and then his radio crackled to life, “This is Sergeant Grant, I’ve located Captain Nash.” Buck let out a relieved exhale now that he knew his Dad was fine. “We’re trapped in the storage container with a civilian and Captain Nash is pinned.”

“Copy that Sergeant. Can you confirm whether or not Captain Nash can move his fingers and toes.” 

There was a brief silence and then Athena’s voice returned with good news, “Yes, he can move them.” 

Buck ran to the container and tried the door only to find it blocked, “Dispatch, the shipping container door is blocked by debris, we need heavy rescue ASAP.” 

“They won’t be able to get to you.” Maddie told them, the situation becoming dire again. “I think I have a solution, just hang on for me.” After a few tense minutes of silence her voice returned, this time with good news, “I’ve got some construction crew on site who’re going to help, they’ll clear it for you.” 

A few firefighters from the 133 joined him, helping attach the slab of asphalt to the crane, the doors being cleared immediately. 

“I need air bags in here!” Buck called out, before turning to Bobby, “Hey Cap, it’s gonna be okay, just hang in there for a little bit longer, okay? We’re gonna have you out of here in no time.” 

“Thanks kid.” He grabbed Buck’s hand and gave it a squeeze. 

Ten minutes later and Bobby was being loaded into the ambulance, the rest of the 118 following in various vehicles leaving only Buck behind so he could hand the scene over to the 133, what with him being the IC on site. 

“Grant-Nash.” Captain Metah greeted, shaking hands with him.

Buck easily reciprocated the gesture, he and Jeshan had built a solid relationship following the shooting, to the point he kept joking about poaching Buck from the 118, “Captain Metah.” 

“We’ve been listening to you on the radio, good work out here.” The smile he gave Buck was professional but there was genuine pride twinkling in his eyes. 

“Thank you Captain.” 

“So, what have you got for me?” 

Buck explained the scene to him, everything that had happened, everything he’d done to deal with the more pressing casualties and what still needed doing, giving him the full picture so he and his team could finish up and make sure everyone was seen to. 

“Thank you.” Metah shook Buck’s hand again and then they parted, Metah heading over to his team whilst Buck turned away from the bridge, mind blanking as it often did after a prolonged time in his SEAL headspace nowadays. Thankfully Athena appeared in front of him. 

“Hey Buckaroo.” 

He gave her a shaky, exhausted smile, “Hey Mum.” 

She pulled him down and into a tight hug, “You did real good out there.” She told him, placing a kiss on his cheek, “How about we go to the hospital so we can see our boys.” She suggested. 

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.” She pulled back from the hug and led him to her cruiser. 

Buck took his harness and coat off as soon as they got there and he chucked them in the trunk before he climbed into the passenger seat, promptly falling asleep with his head against the window, small puffs of air fogging up the glass. 

The only sound in the car was the gentle rumble of the engine, the outside world muffled by the glass and metal of the vehicle, creating an almost peaceful energy. 

It wasn’t a long way to the hospital so soon enough Athena was waking Buck up and the pair walked into the ER. 

Athena went over to the check-in desk to find out about the status of the 118 whilst Buck hung back, hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on his feet. 

“Hey, have you been checked out yet?” A nurse asked, appearing in front of him. Buck looked at her, confusion clear on her face, “You’re a firefighter from the bridge collapse, right? Has someone seen to you yet?” 

“Oh,” He suddenly processed what she meant, “uh, no, but I’m fine.” 

“Considering the state the rest of your house was in I think it’d be best to get you checked out.” 

“I was only on the outskirts of it, I wasn’t caught in the collapse.” He lied. 

She crossed her arms, looking at him sceptically, “There’s a cut on your face.” 

“Oh, I must’ve, uh, just caught it whilst helping. Really I’m fine.” 

She didn’t look convinced but backed off anyway. 

Buck was glad Athena was busy otherwise she would’ve made him get checked out, but he was fine, he had to be. 

“Alright,” Speak of the Devil, “Eddie’s being released within the hour whilst Bobby is having to stay overnight.” Athena reported. “Their rooms are next to each other so we can head over and see them both.” 

Buck followed Athena’s lead and eventually they found Bobby and Eddie. 

He immediately ducked into Eddie’s room, the tension leaving his shoulders as soon as he made eye contact with his husband, “Hey you.” He walked over to the bed and placed a gentle kiss on Eddie’s head, “How’re you feeling?” 

“Everything hurts.” He grumbled.

“Oh yeah? Do you need me to kiss it better?” Buck joked, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Yes please.” Eddie presented his cheek for Buck, immediately getting a kiss, “Mmh, much better.” He sighed. 

“Good.”

“You were pretty kick-ass back there, it was really fucking hot,” Eddie sent him a wink, getting a bright laugh out of Buck, “Being the Captain suited you.” 

Buck couldn’t stop himself from blushing, “Just, you know, doing my job.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked away, “Besides I was the only uninjured one, not like anybody else was in any state to take over.” 

“We got lucky then, having someone who’s got the skills able to take over.” Eddie reached out and took Buck’s hand, “You saved all of us who were in high risk positions all by yourself.” 

“Cat helped.” Buck reminded him. 

Eddie nodded, “You still did the bulk of it, and I’m insanely proud of you.” Eddie encouraged Buck down with a hand on his cheek so he could kiss him again, “Go do the rounds and check in on everyone, okay? I’ll still be here once you’re done.” 

Buck nodded and whispered out an “Okay.” Before giving him another kiss. 

The first person Buck visited was Ravi, the kid had been in the worst condition and Buck wasn’t sure who’d come and check on him so needed to make sure he wasn’t alone, or wouldn’t be for much longer. 

“Hey Rav.” He greeted, knocking on the open door. 

“Buck, hi.” Ravi gave him a dopey smile, clearly on the good painkillers, “Buck, this is my partner, Alfie. Alfie, this is my friend, Buck.” 

Buck stepped into the room, shaking hands with the other man, “Hey, good to meet you.”

“Likewise. I hear you’re the one I have to thank for getting Ravi out in one piece.” 

“I can’t take all the credit, he did a pretty good job at keeping as much blood in his body as possible, I just helped him onto solid ground.” Buck chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets as he didn’t know what to do with them. He then turned his attention to the man in the bed, “How’re you feeling?” 

“Sore, but the doctors gave me some sweeeet painkillers.” Ravi sighed. 

Alfie couldn’t help but laugh at him, “Sorry, he’s extremely high.” 

“Oh don’t worry, I’ve been on both sides of this situation before. You should’ve seen how loopy I was after getting my leg cut off.” 

Hen was asleep when Buck swung by to see her, but Karen was sitting at her side so Buck creeped in to check on her, happy to find out that she was doing well, minus a severe concussion but she would make a full recovery. 

He had to cut his visit short though as Eddie was being discharged. 

Buck trotted back to his husband’s room and helped him get changed back into his uniform top and pants (thankfully his turnouts had protected them from getting damaged and dirtied), it took a bit of manoeuvring but they got there in the end. 

“You seen Bobby yet?” Eddie asked once Buck had filled him in on Ravi and Hen. 

“Not yet, do you mind if we do that before heading home?” 

Eddie stood with a small grunt, the simple movement aggravating his ribs, “Of course not, as long as I can sit down I’m happy to spend as long as you like with him.” 

Buck led Eddie through to Bobby’s room, knocking quietly on the door, “Hi Pops.” 

Bobby smiled at him, the exhaustion was clear on his face but, much like the rest of their team, he was clearly on some form of pain management, “Hey kid, get over here.” Buck went straight over to him but hesitated as soon as he was by his Dad’s side, “What’s up?” 

“I wanna hug you but I don’t want to hurt you.” He admitted. 

Bobby opened his arms, “I’ll let you know if you’re hurting me, don’t worry.” 

He leant down and gingerly wrapped his arms around him, relaxing into it when it was clear Bobby wasn’t in pain from it, “I’m glad you’re okay.” He sighed, whispering the words into Bobby’s neck where he’d smushed his face. 

Bobby gave him a squeeze “And are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” Buck finally pulled back from the hug, staying seated on the edge of the bed, the only chair in the room taken up by Eddie whilst Athena stood next to him, “For once I got out unscathed.” 

“It’s a miracle.” Eddie joked, getting a laugh out of Bobby and Athena, and a fond eyeroll from Buck.

“Athena was just filling me in on your heroics.” Bobby told him, “You did good son, I’m proud of you.” 

Buck couldn’t stop the blush that overtook his face, causing him to look away, focusing in on his hands so he could avoid making eye contact. After the loveless childhood he’d endured having a parental figure say they were proud of him still made him flustered, “I, uh, th- thanks Pops, I, uh, yeah, thanks, thank you.” 

“It was quite something to watch.” Athena added, “Our boy knows what he’s doing.” 

Buck hadn’t thought it was possible to blush even more but his face still managed to get redder. He looked up through his lashes at Athena, “Thanks Mum.” 

It was eleven pm when Buck and Eddie got home, “Hey Carla.” Buck greeted, “How’s he been.” 

“An absolute angel, just like always.” She told them, “I saw you on the news, how’re you two feeling?” 

“I’m fine but someone,” He sent a fond yet pointed look at Eddie, “managed to break three ribs and fracture two.” 

Carla cocked her head and put her hands on her hips, “Am I going to have two Grant-Nash Diaz boys to look after now?” She said, a faux look of disappointment on her face. 

Eddie held his hands up in surrender, “You already look after three of us, I don’t think there’ll be much of a change other than me being around the house more.” 

“Well, I look forward to having more quality time with you. Now, I bet you two are exhausted and hungry after the day you’ve had.” She began to shoo them towards their room, “Go get out of your uniform and I’ll heat dinner up for you.” 

Buck helped Eddie change before sending him to the kitchen so he could get comfortable and not have to move too much before changing himself. 

He stripped his shirt off and then his top, immediately spotting the gash he knew was there. It wasn’t deep so it was nothing he was worried about, but something sharp had cut through his turnout coat, the thick fabric thankfully protecting him from whatever it was getting too deep. 

He took his pants off and then slipped into the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kid they kept in there. He quickly cleaned it and covered it before going back to his room and throwing on some sweatpants, a top and fuzzy socks (even though his left leg didn’t need it he liked the symmetry), before going to join Eddie and Carla. 

Buck was woken the following morning by his phone ringing, he rolled over to check who it was to find Maddie’s name and contact photo smiling at him. He unplugged his phone and hit answer, holding the device to his ear. 

“Maddie?” He croaked, voice still rough from sleep. 

“Shit, did I wake you?” She asked, the cringe clear in her voice, 

Buck rolled over and curled up into Eddie’s side, his husband still fast asleep, “No, no, you’re fine, I need to get up and sort Chris out in a minute anyway.” He tried to hold back a yawn but failed, still exhausted from the previous day and aching all over, “What can I do for you?” 

He and Maddie didn’t talk much anymore, after she returned from Boston she’d sided with Howard pretty quickly. He assumed whatever version of events he told her put him in a better light than Buck. But he wasn’t mad, especially when the couple got back together, because after everything Maddie deserved to be happy, and Howard made her happy. And that’s all Buck cared about. Besides, she was there for the big moments, like when he’d been struck by lightning, she was there and their relationship felt normal again when it mattered. 

“I’ve got news.” He could hear the excitement in her voice, whatever she was about to say was clearly good news, “Howie proposed!” Chimney had been his nickname with the 118 so after he left he’d gone back to Howie. 

Buck felt his mind begin to buffer as he tried to take the news in, “Oh, oh, shit, con-congratulations, that’s fantastic news. I’m so happy for you!” He genuinely was happy for her. He was happy for her because she was happy, that’s all that mattered. It did however raise the logistics of the wedding, namely Buck and Eddie being in the same room as Howard and the Buckley’s again. But Buck wasn’t going to raise that concern right now, it wasn’t the time nor the place, he couldn’t do anything to jeopardise his sister’s happiness. 

“Thank you. Hey, how about we do lunch so I can show you the ring, it’s stunning. I could bring Jee and you could bring Chris and Eddie, it’d be good to see the three of you.” 

“Could we hold off until next week?” He asked, feeling bad about having to make Maddie wait for so long, “I know it sucks but I don’t want Eddie to do too much for the next few days, he’s pretty sore from yesterday and I think it’ll get worse before it gets better.” 

He could hear the disappointment in Maddie’s voice as she spoke, “Yeah, no, no, that’s fine. Uh, what did the doctors say?” 

“Three broken ribs, two fractured, but he’ll be okay.” Buck ran the backs of his fingers along Eddie’s cheek bone. 

“How about we have lunch just the two of us and then once Eddie’s better we’ll all meet up?” 

“Yeah, I like the sounds of that. Pick me up at one?” He suggested. 

“About that.” He could hear the cringe in her voice, “My car’s in the shop because it crapped out on me and Howie needs his to get to work. Do you mind driving?” 

“Yeah, yeah, no, that’s fine. See you at one then?” 

“Yeah, see you at one.” 

Buck didn’t really think when he pulled up at Maddie’s and climbed out of the Jeep, going straight up and knocking on the door. He still wasn’t on full form following the stress of the previous day so it didn’t cross his mind that Howard might be home, not processing that his car was in the drive. 

And because the universe hated him Howard was the one to answer the door. 

As soon as he realised who it was, Buck gulped and took a big step back, giving the other man space, “H-Howard, h-h-hey.” He managed to stutter out. 

He clearly wasn’t happy to see the other man, giving him a curt “Evan.” 

They hadn’t seen each other in two years, even after the Jonah incident they hadn’t seen each other, Bobby insisting they be taken to different hospitals. 

It had actually been Howard who refused to come back to the 118 in the end, having settled well at the 142, and following his mandated therapy and anger management classes Captain Cuenca had made it very clear he would love for Howard to stay, so he had. He’d been iced out of the 118, even Hen had eventually turned her back on him, so going back felt like a death sentence whilst staying at the 142 was a chance for a new beginning. 

In Buck’s panic he located the house number that sat next to the open front door, trying to count the lines in the numbers as he spiraled. But it was like Eddie had said, the math abilities that the lightning had given him had faded away and he couldn’t count the lines properly anymore. 

“Maddie, your brother’s here.” Howard called into the house, not taking his eyes off of the other man, sticking him with a confused and judgmental look as he watched his eyes dart about whilst he tried to keep his breathing under control. 

Howard had always had a hard time understanding how regular Buck and SEAL Buck were the same person, the look on his face now, the look he’d had when he’d punched him, that wasn’t the look of the man who’d shot Jeffery Hudson’s finger off and then killed him with a single bullet to the lung without even flinching. When he’d first found out Buck had been a SEAL he’d thought it was some joke or a prank, there was no way that golden retriever of a man had killed people. But then he’d fallen into a SEAL mentality for the first time and it was like a whole other person had possessed his body, the way his whole face went lax and his gaze sharpened, his back going ramrod straight and his voice losing its musicality, it was terrifying. 

And then there was this man that was in front of him right now; shoulders hunched, arms wrapped around himself, eyes darting about behind a film of unshed tears. They were completely different people. 

A flustered Maddie appeared at the door, clearly understanding how Buck and Howie being near each other wasn’t a good thing, “Buck, hey, you ready?” She asked, hoping to grab his attention. “Buck? Buck!” She tried again. 

“Evan.” Howard snapped, finally pulling Buck from his spiral.

“T-that’s not my name.” He stuttered.

Howard just huffed and rolled his eyes, walking back into the house. 

“Shall we…?” Maddie prompted, pointing towards Buck’s car. 

“Uh- right, yeah, yeah, let’s…” He shuffled awkwardly for a second before leading her to the car, “Where do you fancy going?” Buck asked once they were settled. 

“I made us a reservation at that nice Italian place near dispatch.” 

By the time they’d made it there and settled at the table Buck had settled, having managed to pull himself away from an OCD spiral. 

“So, show me the ring then.” Buck said, holding his hands out so he could take Maddie’s. She placed her hand in his, allowing him to inspect it, “That is one hell of a stone.” He whistled. 

“Isn’t it!” Maddie beamed at him as she took her hand back, “Howie was promoted to Lieutenant a few months back so he was able to splurge a bit more than before.” 

“Oh, wow, uh, pass on my congratulations, a promotion, that- that’s great.” The part of him that still cared for Howard was genuinely happy for him, but it was drowned out by the part of him that knew why he’d been transferred, telling him that the other man didn’t deserve it. 

Maddie looked at him, like she was trying to suss something out. Buck let her do it, figuring whatever it was out for herself. She was eventually ready to speak, giving him her patented ‘older sister’ look, with an undercut of sadness, “I know things haven’t been the best between us in recent years, you know, everything with Howie and then Mum and Dad coming back into my life properly and you refusing to have anything to do with them makes it difficult. And I’m, uh, a bit worried this will only make things worse, but, Howie and I have been talking and we think it’s best you don’t come to the wedding.” Buck wasn’t surprised, but it still broke his heart. 

“Yeah, I, uh, no, yeah, that’s, that’s fine, I understand, I-I get it.” Buck wondered what Howard was telling Maddie if she didn’t want him at the wedding, it must be bad because this was extreme. But he couldn’t ruin Maddie’s happiness, he could tell Howard really loved her, and the only reason he was painting himself as the good guy was so he didn’t make Maddie uncomfortable or scare her, Buck could live with that. 

A sudden thought hit him, “Wait, you said you’d ‘been talking’, you didn’t just get engaged, did you?” Buck asked, Maddie’s wording raising red flags. 

“No, it’s, uh, it’s been a month.” She admitted. Buck felt his stomach drop, “I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you but it just wasn’t the right time. You know, Howie got injured, Mum and Dad visited, it was all a lot of things I didn’t want you to get mixed up in, not whilst you were recovering from the lightning strike and your coma. I didn’t want you to worry about my family’s drama.” As soon as she clocked what she’d said her face fell, “Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that they’re not you-” 

“No, it’s fine, I get it.” Buck pushed his chair back, “I should probably get going, I’m sorry.” Then he left. 

Buck didn’t head home, instead driving to the Grant-Nash house. He knew his Dad would be home by now which meant his Mum would be too, and right now he needed to see her. 

“Mum?” He called out as he let himself into the house.

Athena appeared almost instantly, stepping around the wall that divided the kitchen and the lounge, drying her hands with a dish cloth, “Hey Baby, what’s going on?” She asked, immediately able to read his face. 

“Maddie and Howard got engaged,” He told her, Athena making it over to him and guiding him over to the couch, “A month ago.” 

“I feel like there’s more to this.” Athena took his hands in hers, squeezing them.

“She held off telling me because Howard got hurt, and then Phillip and Margaret were visiting. And she didn’t want to drag me into ‘her family’s’ drama. A- and I know she’s right, they’re not my family, but t-the way she phrased it, it made it sound like she wasn’t my family either.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry Sweetheart.” She pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back. 

“Fuck, everything’s gone sideways since the punch.” Buck grumbled, resting his head on Athena’s shoulder. He scrubbed at his eyes, a few tears slipping out, but he was too exhausted from the bridge collapse for his body to properly process the emotions and let them out. 

So instead he just sat there with his Mum as she held him close. 

Chapter Text

As a kid Buck had been loud and brash and dangerous, forcing attention onto himself so that his parents would see him, would love him, or at least tolerate him. But as an adult Buck hated it, he wanted to stay as under the radar as possible. 

His hatred of the limelight stemmed from his time with Doc, he was terrified that someone like him would see him on the news and know where Buck was, terrified that they’d take him again. A fear which morphed from just a fear for his own safety but that of his family, terrified that someone would take Chris as a way to get to him. 

So when Bobby had told him he was being given an award for his work at the bridge collapse Buck freaked out. 

“Really, it’s fine Pops, I don’t need some stupid medal, seriously, I have you and Eddie and Hen and Ravi and everyone at the 118, you’re all safe and that’s all I need. And I definitely don’t need a whole ceremony, please can you get them to call it off.” 

“I’m sorry kid, there’s nothing I can do, the department wants to show you off.” Bobby was genuinely apologetic, he knew Buck didn’t like this kind of thing. 

Buck did his best to control his breathing but he was failing, “I don’t do TV, a- and I don’t do public interviews or anything.” Of course following the ladder truck bombing Buck hadn’t been able to avoid his face getting out there, and there had been the interview offer that he always said he didn’t do because it felt wrong rather than the fear of being kidnapped and tortured again, but at that point it’d been six years since Doc, he felt far enough removed that even though the thought of it scared him he was able to avoid a full spiral. But the coma dream brought that all forward and unlocked the fear that he’d been able to keep on lockdown for years. 

Bobby looked heartbroken as he watched his son pace back and forth, “I know, and the department knows, but they’re choosing to override it so they can show off the ‘hero firefighter’ from a mass casualty bridge collapse.” 

“They can’t do that, they can’t make me go.” 

“Buck-”

“No, no, I’m not doing it, I refuse to do it, p- people can’t know where I am, they can’t.” 

Bobby was beginning to get confused, unsure where this was going, “Buck, ple-” 

“No, you don’t get it Pops, if people know where I am I’m not safe, Eddie isn’t safe, Chris isn’t safe. I- I can’t risk them all for some stupid award.” He stopped pacing, burying his face in his hands, “I can’t go back,” he looked up at Bobby, tears beginning to shine in his eyes, “I can’t go back Pops, please don’t make me go back, I can’t do it again.” 

“Hey.” Eddie appeared in their doorway, looking over at Buck as he straightened out his dress jacket for the hundredth time. Eddie was already dressed and ready to go, his hat and gloves waiting at the door, “You almost ready to head out?” 

Buck looked up and made eye contact with Eddie through the mirror, “No.” he huffed, sounding exhausted.

“I know you don’t want to do this, man.” Eddie walked over, turning Buck to face him so he could straighten out his tie and make sure his jacket sat right, “But there’s nothing we can do. So, we’re gonna put on our best smiles, and do our best to grin and bear it.” 

“Can you stab me in the gut so I can go to hospital and get out of this?” Buck asked, although it was sarcastic a part of him wished Eddie would. 

Eddie couldn’t help but chuckle at that, “You know they’ll just postpone it.” 

Buck groaned loudly, “I know.” 

“I’ve got your back, alright? You’re not doing this alone.” 

Buck let out a dejected little sigh, “Look, I really appreciate what you’re trying to do but this is a bit bigger than award day nerves, it’s-” Buck took a deep breath, trying to order his thoughts, “When I was a SEAL, I, uh, I did some things and learnt some stuff that certain people, really bad people, might want to find out about, by any means necessary. He tried. God, the things he did so I’d speak, it’s-” Buck’s hand instinctively went to the ‘DW’ branded into his skin, “It’s safer if I fly under the radar, for me, for you, for Chris. 

“And when there was media coverage of the ladder truck I was so far removed from that part of my life that it didn’t feel as scary, but I wasn’t going to encourage it. But my coma dream… it brought that fear forward. And now with Chris, I’m terrified of someone using him to get to me. This is all too public.” 

And that confirmed all of Eddie’s fears about the six months Buck had been missing for, “Jesus Buck, you’ve been-” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, but Buck knew exactly what he was trying to say and he knew it wasn’t a question. Buck still nodded in confirmation though, “Those six months when you were twenty-one.” Buck nodded again, “And your scars, they’re-”

“Not all of them.” He told him with a sad smile, “But most of them.” 

“When you told Jeffery you understood pain and the human body's tolerance for it, that was because you’ve been pushed that far, isn’t it?” 

Buck nodded, “Yeah, yeah, pretty much. I mean, I already had an understanding because I was an idiot child, but I’m now intimately familiar with the worst of the worst.” He tried to brush it off with a self deprecating chuckle but they both knew Eddie wasn’t buying it. 

Eddie pulled Buck into a hug, holding him as close and as tight as possible, like he was trying to merge their atoms. Obviously he’d already known, it didn’t take a genius to connect all the dots but having it actually confirmed made it all so much worse, because now it was real, “Fuck, I’m so sorry bud, that’s- God, I- I’m sorry, and I know that doesn’t mean anything, because this is huge, but really, I am, I am so, so sorry you went through that.” 

“Thanks.” Buck’s voice was muffled by Eddie’s shoulder. 

Eddie placed a kiss on the top of his husband’s head, eventually letting out a sigh, “I hate to bring the mood down even further, but we can’t get out of this.”

“Yeah, I know.” Buck pulled back, shaking his hands out to try and get some of the nervous energy out, “Let’s go, the sooner we’re there the sooner it’s over.” 

Eddie leaned in and kissed him and then walked out of the room. 

Buck grabbed his hat and gloves, putting the hat under his arm whilst he pulled his gloves on, following Eddie out of the house and into the car.

The ceremony was hell on earth, Buck was so jumpy that every little thing was causing him to flinch, eyes constantly on the lookout for any possible danger. He was on high alert and couldn’t relax even with Eddie and Chris (who’d come with Bobby and Athena) right next to him where he knew they were safe. 

Thankfully Buck wasn’t expected to make a speech or anything, it would’ve taken the day from literal hell to, well, whatever was worse than literal hell. He wasn’t a public speaker in any sense of the word, yes, he was really fucking gobby, but as soon as he was put infront of a camera or reporter or a crowd he became a rambling, stuttering, incoherent mess who put his foot in it. 

The one time he’d done a TV interview was after Devon died, yet again he hadn’t wanted to do it but he hadn’t been given a choice, he ended up spouting absolute shit and making accidental innuendos, and then that dispatcher called him. It’d been weird, he’d been nice to her once over the phone and suddenly she was pulling his personal number so she could call and ‘check up’ on him following the interview and Devon’s death, it hadn’t sat right with him. He’d been pretty sure she was flirting with him, or trying to, so he mentioned he had a boyfriend and the conversation wrapped up pretty quickly after that, from then onwards only ever communicating with her over the radio on calls. 

And then there’d been Taylor Kelly. Thankfully he’d managed to avoid her cameras fairly effectively, only being caught in quick flashes in the background. But she’d also been flirting with him whilst pushing for an interview, his constant ‘no comment’ going ignored until Eddie eventually pulled her aside and told her in no uncertain terms to back off. 

But this time he wasn’t worried about reporters trying to put him on TV or random cougars trying to hit him up after seeing aforementioned TV appearance, this time he was worried about some maniac who wanted to find out about Norway or Afghanistan or one of the many redacted parts of his file and wasn’t afraid to go to extreme lengths to get it, okay so maybe he was scared about a reporter putting him on tv as that would alert people to his whereabouts. 

He stood awkwardly on the makeshift stage as Chief Alonzo sung his praises, eyes scanning the audience, thankfully not seeing anything out of the ordinary. 

As soon as the ceremony was done Buck did photos with the Chief and all the other officials and what not before making a beeline for the backdoor, slipping out as he pulled his vape out of his pocket, taking a deep inhale of the citrus vapor and holding it in his lungs for a few seconds before exhaling it. The nicotine making him relax. 

After a minute Buck heard the door swing open, he whipped around thankfully finding Eddie there, “Where’s Chris?” He asked.

“He’s with Bobby and Athena who are no doubt feeding his waaaay too much cake.” Eddie told him with a fond shake of the head, closing the door behind him, “And we’re the ones who’ll deal with the fallout.” 

Buck chuckled, “Grandparent privileges, you get to be the good guy and not deal with the consequences.” He took another hit of the vape and then held it out to Eddie.

“What flavour?” He asked, taking it and bringing it to his mouth to inhale it. 

“Lemon and lime.” Eddie let out a hum as he pulled a frown that said ‘yeah, actually that’s alright’ before handing it back, “Do you think we’ve been here long enough that we can sneak out?” 

Eddie frowned, looking sad on Buck’s behalf, “I think we need to hold out a little longer.”

Buck let out a humourless laugh, “Yeah, thought you’d say that.” He took a long inhale of his vape before shoving it back in the inside pocket of his jacket, “Alright, let’s do this.” He then walked back into the station with Eddie following close behind. 

He could see the reporters mingling about, but what really caught his attention was the Navy dress uniform. Thankfully it was the one person from his team he was actually happy to see, Bradley Venga. 

Buck walked over to him, “Venga?” 

The man in question turned to him, a bright smile on his face, hand outstretched, “Buckley.” Buck took his hand and shook it, “Sorry, it’s Grant-Nash Diaz now, right?” 

“Yes sir.” Buck then realised he should do introductions, even though Venga had already been talking to Bobby and Chief Alonzo it was the polite thing to do, “Uh, Master Chief Petty Officer Venga this is Captain Bobby Nash and Chief Rodrigo Alonzo. Captain Nash, Chief Alonzo, this is Master Chief Petty Officer Bradley Venga, he was my Chief Petty Officer when I was Third and Second Class in the SEALs.” 

“The Navy’s titles are quite the mouthful.” Bobby joked, getting a lighthearted laugh out of Venga. 

“We have abbreviations but MCPO doesn’t feel much better, less wordy but still too many letters. One of the things I miss about my CPO days is how easily the abbreviation rolls off the tongue.” That got a chuckle out of all of them, even if Buck was the only one who really got it, “Grant-Nash Diaz here had the right idea, get out whilst you’re still a CPO so you can keep the smooth abbreviation.” 

“You know, I’ve seen that you’re a SEAL in your file but I’m curious, why did you leave?” Alonzo asked. 

Buck looked over at Venga, obviously the man hadn’t been there when Buck decided to leave the SEALs, he’d been promoted by the time Buck’s final mission happened so hadn’t been present, but he’d kept tabs on his old team, visiting Buck in the hospital and then looking after him once Eddie had been sent back out to Afghanistan, only allowed to take leave for so long. But all that meant that Venga knew exactly what had led to Buck leaving the SEALs, and he knew it wasn’t a story Buck was allowed to tell. 

“I- uh-”

“CPO Grant-Nash-”

“Just Grant is fine,” Buck told him, quickly interjecting, “It’s quicker.” 

“Thank you.” Venga said to Buck before turning back to the whole group, “CPO Grant isn’t actually allowed to discuss that outside of approved channels. But I can say that when he was demobbed it was a great loss to the Navy but it was a well earned, honourable discharge.” He placed a hand on Buck’s shoulder, “Kid’s quite something.” 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“I hope you gentlemen will excuse us, I need to talk to CPO Grant alone for a minute.” Venga then led him away, Buck taking over and leading him up to the roof so they could have some privacy. 

As soon as the roof door closed behind them Buck turned to Venga, “You’re keeping tabs on me again, why?” There was no bite behind his words, but he clearly wanted answers. 

Venga walked over and sat on the low wall, “I like to know how you kids are doing, make sure you’re all alright. Especially you.” 

“Me?” Buck didn’t really know what that was supposed to mean. 

Venga patted the space next to him, Buck immediately joined him, once they were both settled Venga let out a sad sigh, “Beresford, Whitman and Canmoor are all still SEALs so I always know what they’re doing, where they are. Whilst Silva was killed in action two years ago.”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Despite Buck’s bitterness towards his old team it still broke his heart to hear that one of them had died. 

Venga nodded, “Yeah, we would’ve told you but with everything that happened… it didn’t feel appropriate to draw you back into this.” 

“No, no, I get it, it’s fine.” 

“You’re a good kid Red, and that’s why I keep tabs on you. The others I can know where they are at the click of a button, but you, you’re more illusive, only appearing every once in a while when articles about your many adventures hit the mainstream, private social media accounts, as small a digital footprint as possible.” Venga looked over at him, “And after everything that happened to you, under my watch no less, I need to know you’re safe.” 

“You know that wasn’t your fault, right? No matter who my commanding officer was he still would’ve gotten me, he was a maniac with an agenda.” Buck had never blamed Venga for what happened, it was actually Venga who’d gone above and beyond when it came to rescuing him. 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t blame myself.” 

They sat in silence for a moment after that, neither of them knowing what to say, until a thought hit Buck, “Why’re you here?”

“Perceptive as always.” Venga chuckled, “I, uh, I wanted to warn you, you might be hearing from the higher ups soon.” 

Buck paled at that, “About?” 

“Norway.” 

Buck scoffed, “What’s there to know? I went to Norway, I did the job, that’s that. I was only Third Class at that point, I was just muscle, nothing else.” 

“I know that Red, I’ve read the files, but they’re bringing everyone in, something about a leak, a break in confidentiality.” 

“And they think I did it?” Buck couldn’t believe it, why would they think that?

“No, no, they’re talking to everyone, starting with the COs and moving down from there, so you may never get called in if they trace it back to one of your superiors.” He explained, keeping his voice calm. 

“I don’t want to get pulled into this again. I have a family now Brad; parents, a husband, a son, things I didn’t have when I was a SEAL, especially not in Norway. And, yes, I’ve had to ‘draw on’ my skills but I have never had to go back to Norway, and I don’t want to, not now, not ever.” 

“Red-”

Buck stood feeling too restless to sit, “No, no, I was tortured for three months by a man who used to be one of the best physicians in the world, a man who knew the human body and how to hurt it better than anyone I’ve ever met, and even he couldn’t get information about Norway out of me and that’s what he spent the whole three months trying to do. Why would I snitch now?” 

“Red, it’s not li-”

But before Venga could continue, Athena's voice cut in, “Buck?” Both men’s heads snapped to look at her, she’d clearly heard way too much, things that, even if they weren’t classified, he’d never want her to know. 

She was clearly shell shocked and Buck really wished he could explain everything to her, to set her worries at ease, “Mum, what are you-.” 

“Oh Baby.” She came over and pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back, “I just came to get you as Chris is getting restless and people are asking after you.” She pulled away and Buck could see the tears starting to build in her eyes, “I’ll, uh, I’ll let them know you’re in the middle of something.” 

Athena turned to leave but Buck stopped her, grabbing onto her hand, “Mum, please just wait a second.” She didn’t fight against him, letting him pull her back into a hug, “I’m okay, I promise you, I am okay.” 

He felt her nod against his chest, “I know you are.” 

“So you don’t need to worry about me.” 

She scoffed and pulled back, holding onto his hands so there was still a physical connection between them, “Bullshit, of course I’m going to worry about you, you’re my son. Hell, I worry about you crossing the road.”

A cheeky smirk broke out across his face as the tension began to break, “Well, knowing my track record…” 

“Exactly.” Athena cleared her throat, “Alright, I’ll go back downstairs and keep everyone at bay for now.” 

Buck squeezed her hands before leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek, “Thank you.” 

She gave him a smile and then headed back downstairs. As soon as she was out of sight Buck’s shoulders slumped, “Great, just great.” He huffed. 

“She didn’t know?” 

Buck turned back to Venga, “Of course she didn’t know, I haven’t said a word to anyone, not about that, not about Norway, it’s classified so it stays classified.” 

Venga nodded, “Good kid.” 

“Has anyone heard from Bobby or Athena?” Hen asked, walking into the loft, getting a unanimous echo of ‘no’ from Eddie and Ravi who were sitting on the couches. 

Eddie then looked down at Buck who was sprawled out, head in Eddie’s lap as he slept. He gently tapped his husband's cheek, “Buck?” His eyes flickered open with a groggy groan, “Have you heard from your parents recently?” 

He pulled himself into a sitting position, stretching with a yawn, “No, why?” 

“Athena was supposed to call me before shift but she didn’t, and now she’s not returning my calls or replying to my messages.” Hen explained. 

“She’s got read receipts on, has she at least read them?” Buck asked, pulling his own phone out. 

Hen huffed, “Of course I’ve checked, she hasn’t seen them.” 

As she spoke Buck tried calling Athena, getting sent to voicemail immediately, the phone not even ringing, “Her phone’s off.” He reported, “Imma try Pops.” But he got the same result. 

“Maybe they’re just out on an excursion? Or they don’t have any signal?” Ravi suggested. 

Eddie nodded along, “Yeah, I bet they’re fine, I mean, it’s Bobby and Athena, they’re always fine.” 

“I still don’t like it, I’m gonna go to dispatch and see if anyone’s heard anything.” 

“No, I’ll go.” Buck went to stand but Eddie grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down. 

“Don’t. Let Hen go.”

“Eddie-” Buck tried to protest but Eddie wasn’t having it. 

“Who are you going to ask for help? Josh? Linda? Sue? They’re not going to risk it by snooping.” 

“That’s why I’m going to talk to Maddie.” 

“You haven’t spoken to her since the engagement, do you really want this to be your first conversation in four months?” 

“No, but-”

Hen cut in, “Maddie and I still have a good relationship so I’ll go.” 

“Do you think she’ll help? Ravi asked, “Do you really think she’d risk her job for this?” 

“Yes,” There was a bite behind Eddie’s words, a bite directed at Maddie, “She's an idiot who’s done far stupider things and not gotten fired, so she’ll be stupid again, it’s her MO.” 

“Eddie-”

“No, Buck, I get that she’s your sister but I’m not wrong, she stalked a caller and then lied to insert herself into her life, she manipulated her, that’s dangerous and stupid, it’s unethical and she should've been fired for it but for some reason she wasn’t.” 

“I’m sorry, she what?” Right, Ravi hadn’t been with the 118 when that happened, “Yeah, no, she’ll totally help out.” 

“You three stay here whilst I go to dispatch. Buck, you’re Captain whilst I’m gone.” Buck gave her a thumbs up and then she was gone. 

They met Hen just outside of harbour station, Buck leaving Cairney incharge of the station, so they could commandeer a chopper and hunt down Bobby and Athena’s cruise ship. 

Inside the hangar was pretty cool, helicopters and fixed wing planes all waiting to be called into action. And yet what they assumed was ‘the office’ if you could even call it that, was just a desk in the middle of the room. 

As Hen tried to blag a helicopter for them a man walked over to them, calling out, “It’s all good, dispatch already gave me the heads up.” He then turned to the group, “I’m all fueled and ready to go when you are.” 

Buck noticed Hen’s tight lipped smile, “Tommy, good to see you.” 

“Likewise.” He shook her hand, “Shall we?” 

As they walked Hen leaned over to Buck, “You’re taking Captaincy on this one.” She told him, keeping her voice down, “This feels like it’s more your domain and I don’t want to have to deal with Tommy any more than I already have to.” 

Buck nodded, he knew the name Tommy, Hen and Howard having told him many a story about the man and he already didn’t like him, so he was more than happy to pull the Captain card on him, “Alright.” He then sent her a cheeky smile, “Looks like my water and air training are finally being put to use.” 

Hen looked over at him, brow furrowed in confusion, “What?”

“I was a SEAL, in case you forgot.” 

“No, but, air? You’re the Navy.” Hen was so confused. 

“And yet I predominantly served on land.” He pointed out. Hen’s brain was trying to process all of the information but she couldn’t quite put it all together in a way that made sense, having never really put any thought into the fact that Buck was with the Navy yet spent his time in a desert, “SEAL, it stands for SEa, Air and Land.”

“Damn, that’s a lot of different environments to be trained in.” Hen whistled.  

“Perks of being military, I’m full of skills.” 

“You were military?” Tommy asked as he climbed into the cockpit, only hearing the very tail end of the conversation, Buck having gotten a bit louder as he spoke. 

Buck climbed into the other front seat as he replied, Hen, Ravi and Eddie pilling into the back, “Yeah, so was Eddie.” He threw his thumb behind him, Eddie waving. 

“And who’re you then Army Boy Number Two?” Tommy looked at him with a little smirk before he began to power up the chopper. 

“Firstly I was a SEAL, ” He corrected. 

Tommy chuckled, head twitching a little as he flicked his eyebrows up, “Wow, a SEAL, huh? Impressive stuff. Got a name to go with that?” 

Buck wasn’t the best at reading people but it didn’t take a genius to notice Tommy’s condescending tone and how he didn’t quite believe Buck had actually been a SEAL, “Buck Grant-Nash Diaz, but you can call me Captain Grant or just Grant.” 

“Alright, good to meet you Grant.” 

“Likewise.” It didn’t sound like it.

“I’m Ravi by the way.” The final member of their group chipped in from the back. 

Tommy paid him no mind though as the helicopter began to rise, “I’m ex-military as well.” He told him, all of his focus on Buck, “Army.” He clarified. 

“Ah, like Eddie.” 

“Yeah, like Eddie.” He glanced over at Buck, “Staff Sergeant Kinnard, in case you were curious.” 

“Same here, Staff Sergeant, combat medic.” Eddie said, inserting himself into the conversation, for Buck’s sake. 

“Pilot.” Tommy clarified, then looked over at Buck briefly before taking them away from harbour and onward to Bobby and Athena’s last known location, “What about you Grant?” 

“Sniper, Chief Petty Officer.” 

“Equivalent of a Sergeant First Class.” Eddie clarified, “And I can confirm his aim is insane, close and long range.” 

“Impressive, I bet you saw some cool shit.” 

Buck looked over at Tommy, “Sure, cool shit.” He said sarcastically. He then immediately changed the conversation, “Alright, when we get there I need you to do everything possible to stay out of the water, I know that sounds obvious but I need to make it clear that in these conditions the water is a death trap. We also don’t know if we’re entering anything like shark or orca territory. None of you are trained for deep water rescue so don’t play the hero if there’s open water involved, is that clear?” He got a round of confirmation from the team, “Kinnard, you’ll stay with the chopper, be ready to go at a moment's notice, we don’t know what it’s gonna be like down there or how long until the ship goes under.” 

“Loud and clear.” 

They fell back into silence again, the only sounds the rain pelting the helicopter and the whir of the blades. 

It took ten minutes for Tommy to finally break the silence, “I can’t believe Howie left the 118, I was convinced he’d be there until he retired.” Tension filled the aircraft, something Tommy didn’t miss, “What? Did something happen?” 

Thankfully they weren’t given the opportunity to reply. Unfortunately their distraction was the Chief ordering them to turn back. And then Tommy did… mouth static? Like, really helpful as it gave them an excuse to cut the Chief off, but also a very weird choice from the man considering it was very out of character for him, he’d always been the macho, jock type so doing something so ‘childish’ seemed like it’d be below him. 

Eventually they reached the coordinates only to find nothing but dark water, “Fuck, they’re not here. Go around again.” Buck ordered. 

They circled three more times, unable to see anything, Buck fighting to keep himself professional and present. 

And then there was a flare. 

“Holy fuck!” Eddie breathed out as the red light reflected through the cabin, “It’s capsized.” 

They weren’t far off the coast so Tommy was able to run people back to land, rescue efforts already getting underway. The only people missing now were Bobby and the kid he’d gone looking for. 

“Buck, you can’t go looking for your Dad on your own.” Eddie told him, having to yell over the whir of the helicopter’s blades, the pair stood on the hull of the boat having just finished getting the last few people on the chopper. 

“I’m not letting anyone else go in there, it’s too dangerous.” Buck shot back. 

“Buck, come on man, please.” 

“Eddie, I have dive combat training, I’ve been trained for this kind of thing, I can’t risk you or anyone else going down there when you’re not trained. Pulling Cap and the kid out will be hard enough if there’s flooding, I can’t add a third person to that.” 

Eddie nodded, “Alright, I trust you and I trust your training, but you’d better come back in one piece, okay?” 

“Of course.” Buck reached out and squeezed his shoulder before turning and climbing back down into the ship, Eddie turning and climbing into the chopper. 

“Tommy, we’re good to go.” Eddie told him, as he slid his door closed, having taken the co-pilot seat. 

“What about Grant?” He asked. 

“He’s gone back in to find Cap and the kid.” 

“Alone? Eddie, come on.” Hen tutted, “I thought you’d be the first person to talk him out of it.” 

“Kinnard, get us out of here, sooner we’re on shore the sooner we come back for Buck, Bobby and the kid.” As Tommy took them into the air Eddie turned his attention to Hen, “He’s got the training, he knows what he’s doing. I trust him, okay.” 

“Still, if he gets into trouble there’s no one to rescue him, we won’t know.” 

“And if one of us got in trouble? He’d have to pull three people out, not two.” Eddie sighed, “He’s a Navy SEAL, sure, he served on land for most of his time but he’s trained for water. He’s come out of way worse,” He sent her a reassuring smile, “He’s got this, trust.” 

Buck waded through waist high water as he tried to find Bobby and the kid. The mum had told him where the family’s room was so he began to head in that direction, opening any and all doors he could as he called out. 

“Bobby! Corey!” He yelled, “Call out.” He’d been doing this for half an hour now and he was terrified he wouldn’t find them, each second his hope beginning to dwindle. 

And then he heard it. 

The groan of metal. 

And this wasn’t the kind of groan the hull had been making, this was different. 

Buck followed the sound to a hatch in the floor (well ceiling but that wasn’t important). He turned the wheel and pulled it open, relief flooding him (no pun intended) when he was greeted with the face of his father. 

“Looks like I got here just in time.” He said, aiming for a joke to try and lighten the mood. He reached out and then lifted the kid up, balancing him on his hip as he reached out a hand to help Bobby up. 

Bobby pulled him into a hug, “I am so glad to see you kid.” 

Buck hadn’t had a headache this bad in years, his brain was violently pounding in his skull, slamming against the bone as it grew too big to fit in there. 

Or at least that’s how it felt. 

He’d noticed it as soon as he woke up, the alarm feeling like a jackhammer to the skull. 

Eddie was up immediately, turning the alarm off and pulling the blinds open, half dead to the world as he shuffled about, he turned the lights on with a sleepy “Up and at ‘em Grant” and then walked out of their room and into the kitchen with a yawn and a stretch. 

Buck shoved the pillow over his head as the light made the migraine worse, even with his eyes closed. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed but suddenly Eddie was yanking the covers off of Buck and taking the pillow, “Come on man, we’ve got things to do.” 

Buck wasn’t a morning person so it wasn’t uncommon for him to refuse to get up like this, which was why his behaviour didn’t raise any red flags for Eddie, hence why he woke his husband up the way he would any other day where Buck was being difficult. 

But this morning Buck curled in on himself, covering his eyes with his hands as he let out a sob of pain. 

Eddie knew exactly what this meant, “Shit.” He quickly put the pillow over Buck’s head again, shut the blinds, turned the lights off and shut the door, “Sorry bud.” He whispered, keeping his voice low, pulling the covers back up and over his husband, “What do you need?” 

Buck extracted himself from under the pillow, “Pain killers.” He mumbled, finding it hard to think and speak around the pain. 

“Okay, want some ice for your head as well?” Buck hummed an affirmative and then Eddie left. 

His migraines were one of the many battle scars he carried with him from his time in Afghanistan, but unlike most this wasn’t a gift from Doc. This was one Eddie actually knew a lot about, one he’d been there for the fall out of. 

~ January 2017 ~ 

Afghanistan 

Eddie was in the back of the humvee with a few other members of his team, all of them chatting and laughing as they were rattled around as their vehicle traversed uneven terrain, when they saw it. 

They were finally heading back to base and whilst they were all exhausted they were in good spirits as the promise of a safer, (slightly) more comfortable place to stay was keeping them going. 

“Hey, shut the fuck up.” Their driver, Cole, snapped, slowing the truck as he leant forward to get a look at something. 

“The hell? Is that- Is that a person?” Everyone tried to get a look out of the windscreen as Harrison voiced what they were all thinking. 

“Yeah, definitely a person.” Eddie said, “Pull over.” 

“No, let’s keep going, could be a trap.” 

Eddie scoffed, “A trap? How the hell could a body in the middle of nowhere be a trap Harrison?” 

“Well it’s a bit suspicious, just a body in the sand. It’s the perfect set up for an ambush.” 

“From where? There’s nowhere to hide.” 

“Diaz has a point, Harrison, if they’re alive we can’t just leave them.” 

Bellingham was the voice of reason in their team, so Harrison didn’t have much of a choice other than to listen to her, but he tried to push back anyway, even though he knew he’d lose, “And what if they’re dead?”

“They deserve to go home, so we’ll take them home.” 

With that it was decided that they’d stop but Cole would stay in the vehicle in case they needed to make a quick getaway. 

Eddie was the first to slip out of the humvee, greeted by the sight of blood soaked sand, a soldier, no, a SEAL, laying there with his helmet by his side. 

He jogged over to them only to stumble to a stop, instantly recognising the face in front of him, how couldn’t he? “Red?” Eddie immediately closed the rest of the distance, dropping down next to his partner, med kit by his side and beginning to check him out, thanking a God he didn’t believe in when he found a pulse.

“Fucking hell, is that Red?” Bellingham gasped from somewhere behind him. 

“Yeah, get over here and help me.” 

She snapped into gear and knelt down next to him, “What do you need?” 

Eddie scanned over Red’s body, but it wasn’t hard to find the injury, the bullet hole in the side of his head was pretty fucking obvious. “Fuck.” Eddie pulled some gloves from his kit and snapped them on, “Hand me some gauze.” He held a hand out, Bellingham grabbing it and passing it to him. As he pressed the gauze to the wound Red’s eyes flew open from the sudden pressure, glazed over blue eyes met Eddie’s alert brown ones, “Fuck. Red. Evan, I-” Eddie felt tears spring to his eyes, “Oh, Baby.” Eddie had never used a pet name in his life and he highly doubted he would do it again, but right now it felt like it was all he could say. 

“E-Eddie?” Red mumbled, fighting to get the word out. 

“Right here, Baby, right here.” He nodded as he tried to sniff back tears. 

Red scrunched his face up, “Am I dying?” 

“What?” There was a good chance he was, but Eddie couldn’t let him think that, “Of course not, why would you think that?” 

“Call’d me b-baby, not- man.” 

Eddie let out a wet chuckle, “Just trying something new.” He lied. “Now, Red, can you tell me what happened?” 

“N-o, cl- classif’d.” 

“Okay, can you tell me where you were headed?” 

“Cl’ssfi’d.” A tear ran down Red’s face, mixing with the blood covering it, “‘M s’rry Eds, cl’ssfi’d. Wanna tell you, can’t, ‘m s’rry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Eddie and Bellingham began to work as a team to keep pressure on the wound whilst they wrapped it, “You don’t need to tell me if you can’t, it’s okay, it’s okay.” 

“Th’nks.” Red’s eyes began to grow heavy, clearly taking effort to keep them open, “L’ve y-you, Eds.” 

“Evan, hey, hey, Evan, eyes open for me, come on, eyes on me.” He lightly tapped his cheek with his free hand. When his eyes opened again Eddie knew he had to keep him conscious. His partner was a chatterbox so he was going to use that to his advantage, “I need you to keep talking to me, okay? You read anything good recently?” 

“Ye, finally re- read War ‘n- p- peace.” He mumbled, taking some time to get the words out. 

That got a sad laugh out of Eddie, “Seriously?”

“Nah, fuckin’ with ya.” 

“Worried you had brain damage there for a second.” Eddie joked, trying to keep the tone light. 

After a bit more chatter Eddie was satisfied that Red was in a decent enough condition to move, so he turned to Harrison and some of the other members of his team that’d hung back to give him and Bellingham space to work, “We’re ready to transport.” 

From there it was a whirlwind as they moved Red to the humvee and rushed him back to base. 

How Red had survived that was a miracle, but the bullet hadn’t gone too far in and missed anything vital, well, vital enough to kill him that was. 

Eddie had managed to keep him talking for the whole drive and was with the surgeons when they worked on him, lending a hand as he reported everything he’d done and observed. Trying to remain professional as he saw the surgeons remove Red’s uniform, revealing the patchwork of scars that coated his partner's skin or when he watched them digging around in his skull, trying to save his life. 

But, really, a bullet to the brain should’ve killed him, and yet he was lying in recovery waiting for an emergency medical transport to take him to an actual hospital. 

Red was unconscious but stable and Eddie was hanging onto that for now.

“Fucking hell man, how’d you end up out there, alone, with a bullet in your brain, huh?” Eddie sighed, flopping back in the chair he’d managed to acquire, his head resting in one of his hands, “Where’d your team go?” He didn’t get a response, but he hadn’t expected one. 

“Holy fucking hell.” If Eddie believed in fate, the universe or manifestation he might consider this either some big joke or his answer being handed to him, but either way the sound of Beresford’s voice had his hackles rising.

Eddie stood and turned to find Buck’s team standing just inside the tent, “The fuck are you doing here?” Rage filled every cell in his body at the sight of the SEALs. 

“We’re here to see our teammate.” Whitman bit out, meeting Eddie’s anger with his own. 

“Your teammate? You mean the man you left for dead in the middle of the desert?” 

“He was a dead man, what did you expect us to do?” 

“To bring him home!” Eddie was already getting choked up, his emotions didn’t usually hit him like this, but this was Red, the man who was his heart, “So I could bury him on home soil, like he deserved, but you left him there, alone, alive and helpless, you heartless-”

“We were under fire, we were all going to die if we waited for him.” 

“So you didn’t even try? You didn’t even try and save him? Your team mate, your brother?” 

“Not much of a brother considering he claims everything is confidential, no one knows shit about him.” 

Canmoor reached out and grabbed Whitman’s wrist, trying to contain him as he could tell the other man was one wrong step from doing something stupid, “Hey, it is classified,” He reminded him, keeping his voice gentle. Whitman just ignored him, pulling out of his grip.

Eddie ignored Canmoor’s interjection, all of his focus on Whitman, “It shouldn’t matter, because you know for a fact he’d risk his life to help you if the roles were reversed.” 

“He’s got you wrapped around his little finger, hasn’t he? If he says jump you’ll say how high. You’ll believe anything he tells you as long as it paints him as this angel you think he is. You don’t know him, just this perfect picture of him you have in your head.” 

Eddie began to stalk towards Whitman, the SEAL taking the hint and doing the same, the pair of them on the brink of a punch up. “Don’t you dare say I don’t know him, you cunt, rot in-” “Fuck-” “hell, where-” “you!” “you belong, you abs-” “Suck m-”

“Whitman, Diaz, cool it.” Silva cut in, voice harsh as he halted both men, finally stepping in now that it looked like it might get physical. 

Both of them snapped to a stop, listening to their superior officer. Eddie had to take a deep breath but managed to get himself under control, “Sorry sir.” 

But he could see Whitman clenching his jaw, it was clearly taking all of his willpower to control himself, not saying a word as Canmoor grabbed his arm and pulled him back. 

“That’s alright, Staff Sergeant.” Silva stepped over to Red’s bedside, “What did the doctors say?” 

“He’s stable, but they’re taking him home for medical treatment.” Eddie reported, working hard to keep his tone professional, looking at Whitmore out of the corner of his eye. 

“Alone?” 

Eddie turned back to Silva and shook his head even though the other man wasn’t looking at him, all of his attention on Red, “No, I’m going with him.” In all honesty Eddie had been shocked when he’d been allowed to take leave to be with Red, and that it’d been approved so quickly, but as they were each other’s emergency contacts he supposed that was why, but he did have to come back and finish his tour. He was just grateful he got to be with Red for the beginning of his recovery, to remind him that he wasn’t alone in this. 

Jo stepped forward as well, coming to stand by Silva at Red’s bedside, whilst Canmoor and Whitman hung back. Canmoor was one of the few people who could keep Whitman in check, so he often stuck to his side so he wouldn’t do anything stupid. 

“Has he been conscious at all?” She asked, crouching down as she took one of Red’s hands in hers. 

Eddie wrapped his arms around himself, swallowing heavily before answering, “Yeah, came to back when we found him, managed to keep him conscious until the doctors put him under.” 

Silva’s head whipped around to look at him, eyes looking him up and down, analysing him, “What did he say to you?” 

Eddie glared at him, standing his ground, “If you’re asking whether he revealed anything he shouldn’t have then you clearly don’t know Red very well.” He huffed when no one said anything else, all giving him a look that demanded an answer, “He kept saying it was classified, he didn’t tell me shit about your mission, same as always.” 

It didn’t take long for another soldier to walk into the tent, someone Eddie didn’t know, “Staff Sergeant, we’re ready to transport CPO Buckley whenever you are.” 

It didn’t take Eddie long to return, placing the bottle of painkillers, a bottle of water and some yoghurt with a spoon on the nightstand, then he placed an icepack on the bed next to him. 

“Can you sit up for me?” He kept his voice as quiet as possible. Buck let out a little hum which Eddie took as his cue to help him up. “I’ve grabbed some yoghurt, think you can have a little bit?” Buck practically turned green at the very thought of food but took the offered pot and spoon with shaky hands anyway, knowing he had to line his stomach with at least a little something before taking any meds. He did his best to eat some before it got too much, thankfully able to keep the few spoonfuls he’d managed to eat down. “Well done, that’s great.” Eddie then swapped the yoghurt out for the water and pills.

Once he’d taken the bottle back Eddie guided Buck down so he was lying on his side. He then grabbed the ice pack and rested it on the side of Buck’s head, over where the scar tissue from the bullet hole and ensuing surgeries was hidden under his hair. 

“Try and get some sleep, I’ll see if your folks can take Chris today so we can just focus on you.” 

“Thank you so much for this Thena.” Eddie said, pulling her into a hug as soon as he opened the front door to let her in. 

Once they’d pulled back she gave him a kiss on the cheek, “Oh it’s nothing, we’re always happy to spend some time with our Grandson. Speaking of, where is the little rascal?” 

“Hopefully in his room, but God knows with him, for a kid on crutches he’s surprisingly quiet when he wants to be.” Eddie chuckled. 

When it looked like Eddie was about to leave to find his son Athena stopped him with a gentle hand on his bicep, “Before you go, how’s Buck doing? Honestly.” 

Eddie ran his hands down his face with a sigh before bringing them to his hips, “Bad, really bad, God we’ve not had a migraine like this in- in a while.” He admitted. 

His Mother-in-law frowned, looking heartbroken, “Do you think you should go to the doctors, find out what’s causing this?” 

“It’s, uh, it’s fine, we know what it is, I just think everything with, ya know, the bridge collapse, the cruise, Jo and Venga appearing out of the blue, all of that’s caused a lot of stress and it’s triggered it.” 

“Still, maybe you should get it checked out, just to be safe, in case there’s an underlying problem.” Athena had gone into overprotective Mum mode as she always seemed to do when even the slightest thing happened to Buck nowadays, but considering the amount of close calls he’d had, it wasn’t surprising. 

Eddie took a second before nodding to himself. He held out his arm and indicated the couch, prompting Athena to sit down. She didn’t hesitate to sit, knowing that Eddie was undoubtedly about to drop some Buck lore, “You know about Buck’s team leaving him for dead, right? How that injury led to him being demobbed?” Athena nodded as Eddie took the spot next to her. Eddie pursed his lips, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to stave off tears. Athena reached out and took his hands in hers, giving them a squeeze, prompting him to look at her and giving him the strength to speak, “Buck was shot in the head.” He finally admitted, watching as Athena’s face dropped. 

“He… he what?” 

Eddie nodded, wearing a matching look of devastation on his face, “Yeah, it- uh, it only lodged itself about half an inch into his temporal lobe, so didn’t get anything too important, still hit his brain though, doctors said his helmet must’ve taken most of the blow but it still managed to get through. But he’s perfectly fine, no lasting brain damage, which is a big fucking miracle, but he, uh, he does get migranes sometimes.”

“When you say lasting…” 

“I wasn’t there for most of his recovery, I was only able to spend a month with him before I had to go back and finish my tour, so a friend of ours took him in, but, uh, for a while there were seizures and his emotional regulation was even worse than normal. And there were also some impacts on his speech. But as he recovered those got better, he hasn’t had a seizure since, well, his last one was eight months after the injury. And then speech therapy and CBT helped with the others.” 

Athena tutted, trying to hold back tears, “Oh that boy, he’s been through so much, too much.” Athena let out a small, heartbroken sigh, wiping her eyes as the first tear tried to fall, “Is there anything you need? Other than us looking after Chris?” 

“I think we’ll be okay, but thank you.” He gave her hands a squeeze, “I’ll go and grab him, so you can go and see Buck if you like, just keep the volume as low as you can.” 

The pair headed down the corridor, splitting off with Eddie knocking on Chris’ door whilst Athena quietly opened the door to Buck and Eddie’s room. 

The sight that greeted her was one that made her heart melt; Chris was curled up in Buck’s arms, both of them fast asleep in the dark room. 

Athena sat down on the edge of the bed, placing a hand on Buck’s bicep and rubbing it with her thumb. 

Suddenly Chris’ head popped up, his face breaking out into a bright grin as soon as he saw “Nanny Thena!” 

She felt Buck tense under her hand, the boy whimpering as his hand came up to hold the side of his head, only to find the ice pack. 

“Quiet Chrissy Boy, your Baba isn’t feeling too well so we need to keep the volume really low.” She whispered. 

The noise summoned Eddie, “Chris! There you are.” He’d been looking around Chris’ room, wondering if he’d hidden anywhere so he could jump out and surprise his Dad or Nan, whoever came in first. “Come on you, let’s give Nanny Thena a minute with Baba.” He ushered his son out after leaning over and placing a kiss on Buck’s cheek. 

As soon as the door shut Buck blindly reached an arm out, waving it around a little, a clear indication that he wanted her to join him. She came around the other side of the bed and climbed on top of the covers, lying down in the spot Chris had just vacated. Buck readjusted so he was curled up with her, head on her chest. She wrapped her arms around her son and held him close. Neither of them said a word to each other, not needing to as they just lay there, sharing space.

Athena began to twirl strands of Buck’s hair around her finger, playing with his curls before massaging his head, trying to avoid the ice pack. 

Buck leant into the touch and took the ice pack off, a clear indication that he wanted her to massage the side of his head where the scars were, the epicentre of the migraine. Of course she did as requested, using his reaction to gauge how much pressure to put on it. 

He wrapped his arms around her as he lay there, body tense from the pain, but the massage helped a little. 

Athena wasn’t sure how long they spent like that but she could eventually hear Chris starting to get louder, clearly restless, which was her cue to get her Grandson home. 

“I’m going to head out, okay Baby?” She said, keeping her voice as low as possible, “It sounds like Chris is ready to get going, but if you need me or your Pops just get Eddie to call us.” He gave her a weak thumbs up, in too much pain to do much else. 

Athena stood and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I love you baby.” And then she left. 

She closed the door quietly behind herself, heading back into the lounge where Eddie was with Chris, The Wiggles playing on the tv. 

“Are we ready to head out?” She asked, getting an excited squeal and a “Yeah!” out of the boy. 

Athena held her hand out and he took it, standing to leave. Eddie followed suit, grabbing Chris’ crutches and handing them to Athena, he’d already gotten his son’s shoes on whilst they were waiting for her to finish with Buck so he was all ready to go.

“Me and your Grandpops were thinking we could go to the beach today, maybe go to the pier, how does that sound?” 

“Yeah! Wanna go swimming!” He cheered, getting smiles and laughs out of Eddie and Athena. 

“Alright, well, say goodbye to your Dad and then we’ll go and get Grandpops.” 

The trio said their goodbyes, Eddie waving from the door as Athena got Chris strapped into his carseat. 

Once Athena’s car was out of sight he shut the door and headed through to his and Buck’s room, “Hey bud, how’re you feeling?” He asked, crawling into the bed next to his husband. 

Buck let out a pained grunt before wrapping himself around Eddie, even whilst in pain he was strong so had him in an iron grip. Of course Eddie reciprocated, holding onto Buck just as tightly, knowing the next few days would be tough but they were going to survive it, just like they always did. 

“Bets on what kind of event we’re going to find?” Buck said, “I’m thinking wedding, groom got cold feet, left his bride at the altar, fell and snapped his leg.” 

“Twenty says it’s a rich person's baby shower. Gender reveal gone wrong.” 

“RC, baby showers and gender reveals are different events.” Jock told him. 

“Not necessarily, I’ve got a cousin in El Paso who combined the two. But there’s no way this is a baby shower or gender reveal.”

“Alright then Diaz, what’s your bet?” Cat asked. 

“Ballroom dancing competition, they got their feet tangled and they fell.” 

Buck got a shit eating grin on his face, “You seen an injury like that before?” 

“Fuck off, Buck.” 

“Aw, but you looked so cute in your-”

“So Jock, Bobby,” Eddie spoke loud and fast, not even trying to hide that he was cutting Buck off and redirecting, “What do you think it is?” 

But Buck wasn’t giving up, “I think it’s important that everyone knows-” 

Eddie clapped a hand over Buck’s mouth, “Stop being an arse.” 

“Kids, kids, that’s enough.” Bobby chuckled, “We’re here so you’d better behave.” 

They all jumped out of the engine and made their way into the venue. 

The place was stunning, all marble and pillars, gold leaf detailing, the whole place decorated in a Rococo style. 

A woman in what was clearly an expensive suit ran over to them, “Oh thank god, he’s through here.” 

She led the group through the venue and out to the back where a meticulously kept lawn overlooked the ocean with tables occupied by wedding guests and an empty dance floor in the middle.

And that’s when they saw them. The Buckleys and Howard. Shit. 

Buck faltered, eyes gone wide as he stared at the people he used to call family. The elder Buckley’s were standing off to the side, talking in hushed tones, whilst Howard and Maddie were crouched down, chatting with someone sitting on the floor. That person was obviously their patient if the unnatural angle of his leg was anything to go by. 

Buck took a deep breath to psych himself up, it was the first time he’d had seen Maddie and Howard since he found out about the engagement. Part of Buck had wanted to go and see Maddie, talk to her and sort things out between the two of them, he missed his sister, but she was happy with Howard, she didn’t need him, so he let her get on with her life. 

He knew if Maddie found out that Howard had punched him she would leave, drawing parallels between him and Doug. But Howard wasn’t Doug, it was one punch whilst his friend was having a full blown mental breakdown, his whole world falling apart. Buck knew for a fact that Howard would never lay a hand on his sister, so he kept his distance, it was what Maddie deserved. 

But that meant that right now, seeing the two of them on their wedding day, was hitting him hard. He should’ve been the one to walk her down the aisle, just like he had last time. Instead he was there in his uniform because a guest had fallen and broken his leg, knowing for a fact that Philip Buckley had been the one with her instead. 

Suddenly Bobby was in front of him, “Hey, if you need to step away, you can.” 

Buck took a deep breath before shaking his head, “No, no, I got this, I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” 

But instead of answering the question Buck said “If it changes I’ll tap out, I promise.” Which was more than enough to keep Bobby happy, allowing his son to approach the scene. 

“Alright, give us some room please.” Eddie called out, a slight bite to his tone as he moved Howard and Maddie away. 

“Hey, no need to get snappy Diaz.” 

“Firefighter Han, this is not your scene so I need you to give us room to work.” 

Maddie placed a gentle hand on Howard’s arm, “Come on Howie, Eddie’s right, let’s give them space.” 

Eddie gave her a tight smile, “Thank you Mrs Han, and congratulations.” It felt like a bit of a dick move being so formal with Maddie but he was still pissed at the way she’d treated Buck so let his bitchy side take over momentarily. 

It didn’t take long to get the man’s leg stabilised and lifted onto a gurney, Hen and Ravi taking him to the ambulance. 

Just as Buck, Bobby and Eddie began to walk away they were stopped by Maddie, “Buck?” 

He turned to look at her, finally letting himself take her in, dressed in a gown made of lace and tulle, she looked like a princess. But that was another thing that made it hurt, now that she actually had the money for a nice wedding (Phillip and Margaret no doubt funding it based on how extravagant it was) and the place was full of people; it was so unlike her last one that had been small with a low budget. Maddie was finally getting the wedding she deserved to a good man and he wasn’t a part of it, he wasn’t a part of her family anymore. 

“Congratulations Maddie, you look lovely.” 

“Can we talk?” She asked, stepping towards him. 

Buck shook his head, “I’ve intruded enough as it is, I’ll let you get back to it.” 

“Please.” She looked heartbroken but he couldn’t do it, not here, not like this. 

He shook his head which prompted Margaret to speak up, “Evan, you refused to come to your sister’s wedding, the least you can do is talk to her.” 

Is that what they’d been telling people? That it was Buck who’d decided not to come rather than a lack of invite, “I didn’t refuse.” He said, voice small, “I wasn’t invited.” 

“What? That’s ridiculous.” Margaret’s voice was shrill, just like it always was. 

“No, she told me it was best if I didn’t come, and then I didn’t get an invite.” He took a step back, not wanting to be there any longer, “Congratulations Maddie, I’m really happy for you, really, I am.” 

He turned and walked away, but the last thing he heard as he stepped back into the building was Jee’s voice “Who was that?” 

Thankfully Buck managed to hold back the tears until they were outside by the engine, Eddie pulling him into his arms as he sobbed. In all honesty it made sense that Jee didn’t recognise him, he only saw her every few months before he stopped talking to Maddie which had been eight months ago, so he hadn’t seen his niece in almost a year. And before that she’d spent months traveling the country with Howard. She was only three so he’d been missing for over a third of her life, so of course she wouldn’t know who he was, it still hurt though. 

Bobby urged Cat, Jock and RC to get back into the engine so it was just him and the Grant-Nash Diaz’s. He encouraged the two men to sit on one of the engine’s many ledges and then squatted down in front of Buck, whose face was still pressed into Eddie’s neck, hands gripping the front of his husband’s shirt.

Bobby placed a gentle hand on Buck’s knee, prompting him to turn his head. He was still tucked into Eddie’s side but now looking at his Dad. 

“I’m so proud of you for how you handled yourself back there.” Bobby told him, “And I am so sorry about everything that happened.” 

“She doesn’t remember me.” He muttered, “S-she doesn’t remember me.” 

Bobby leant forward and pulled Buck into his arms, “It’s not your fault.” Bobby rubbed his back, knowing exactly where Buck’s mind was spiralling to, “You’ve done everything right, no one can fault you for that, okay? It’s okay.” 

“How can it be okay when my niece doesn’t know who I am?” 

Bobby let out a sad sigh, “I know it’s hard, and I wish there was something I could say that would make this better, but there isn’t, I’m sorry.” 

“We have to focus on the family we do have,” Eddie urged, “Not the one we’ve lost.” 

Three days later, when his parent’s house burns down and Bobby has a heart attack, Buck can’t help but think about what Eddie’d said, how he might’ve just added another person to the ‘lost’ list, one more person he no longer had to focus on. 

So he counted, and counted, and counted, in the hopes that Bobby would wake up if he did. 

Chapter Text

Buck pretty much didn’t leave Bobby’s bedside once, which was surprising given the fact that Athena was running about trying to find out who burnt the house down. Everyone thought Buck would join her, go SEAL mode and bring whoever did this to justice. 

But instead he stayed at Bobby’s side as he watched his world fall apart. 

Mara had been taken from Hen and Karen, Bobby was in a coma, Athena was on the warpath and to top it all off Eddie’s parents were coming to visit. And yes, in the grand scheme of things the Diaz’s coming to visit wasn’t a big deal, but on top of everything else that was happening it just all felt like too much. So Buck shut down, barely functioning as he sat and waited and counted and prayed, he wasn’t religious but for Bobby’s sake he prayed. 

“Hey bud.” Eddie greeted, stepping into Bobby’s hospital room with Chris by his side. 

“Hi Baba.” 

Buck turned to look at the both of them, a sad and tired smile on his face, “Hey guys.” As soon as Chris got to him Buck lifted him up and sat him in his lap, Eddie taking his crutches. 

“Is Grandpops okay?” Chris asked, eyes not leaving Bobby’s face.

“You remember when I was really sick so had to sleep for a long time?” Buck asked, trying to explain it to Chris in terms he’d understand. Chris nodded, “Well, that’s what Grandpops is doing. He’s not very well so needs to sleep lots and lots to help him get better.” 

“But I don’t sleep that much when I’m sick.” 

“There are different types of sicknesses, so some just make you feel really bad, like the ones you’ve had, but the type of sickness that me and Grandpops have had are different, those illnesses make you need to sleep for a really long time so you can get better. Does that make sense?” 

Chris nodded, “Yeah.” He thought for a second before turning to Eddie, “Daddy, have you ever been sick like that?” 

“Yeah bud, I have.” 

“Will I get sick like that?” 

Buck and Eddie shared a look, “No, you won’t.” Buck finally said, hoping they hadn’t passed their bad luck on to their son. 

“It’s actually very rare that people get sick like this.” Eddie added, “But me, Baba and Grandpops have been very unlucky, but we’re gonna make sure you never end up getting sick like that, okay?” 

Chris nodded, “Okay.” 

“Buck?” Buck’s head snapped up to find Eddie in the doorway to Bobby’s room, “Visiting hours are almost over and my parents are arriving tomorrow, do you think you could manage going home and getting some sleep?” 

“I dunno Eddie.” Buck sighed, “I don’t think I’ll be able to settle.” 

Eddie walked into the room and squatted down in front of his husband, taking his hands, “Can you try? For me.” 

“What if I fall asleep and he’s gone when I wake up?” His voice was small, the fear clear as day. 

Eddie brought Buck’s hands to his mouth and placed a kiss on his knuckles, “You have to have faith that he’ll pull through. The doctors are hopeful, they say it’s just a matter of time. Your Pops would want you to go home and get some rest, and he wouldn’t want you annoying the nurses by making them kick you out again.” He managed to make the last part sound like a joke but there was some truth to it, the nurses had been okay with them so far as they were first responders but he knew Buck was starting to test their patience. 

Buck finally nodded, “Yeah, yeah, okay.” 

Eddie stood and pulled Buck up, grabbing his jacket and passing it over, “Let’s get you home.” 

Red hated this room, it was small and dark and cold, somehow it felt worse than when he was actually with Doc, his mind going crazy with what if’s. 

At least with Doc he knew what was going to happen, but here he was in the dark, quite literally. 

Red lay there, in pain as he felt the gash in his abdomen leak blood. 

He didn’t know how long he’d been lying there, or if he’d managed to fall asleep, but eventually the door slammed open, light pouring in. 

Doc stalked in, grabbing Red under the armpits and dragging him out. He dropped him unceremoniously on the floor, Red’s head smashing against it. 

Doc squatted down in front of him, a malicious smile on his face, “Here’s what’s going to happen, you tell me all about Norway and I don’t kill your old man, okay?” 

Red looked behind Doc to find Bobby tied to a chair, “Pops?” 

“Don’t tell him anything Buck, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.” Bobby said, trying to keep Red calm. 

“Doc, please, he has nothing to do with this, leave him out of it.” Red begged. 

A wicked smile broke out on Doc’s face, “This old man is really your weakness?” He let out a loud laugh, “I can stab you, electrocute you, waterboard you, I can bring you to the brink of death and you won’t crack. Drag in your old man and you’re ready to sing like a canary.” He stepped back and drew his gun, holding it to the side of Bobby’s head, “So, what were you doing in Norway?” 

“Buck, don’t tell him anything.” Bobby begged, “Please, remember your training and don’t say a word.” 

“Pops, I have to.” Tears had already started to dribble down his face. 

“Don’t you dare say a word kid, he’s gonna kill me either way.” 

“Pops, please.” 

Doc sent Red a patronising smile, “I promise I’ll let him go, all you have to do is answer my questions.” 

“Buck.” Bobby’s tone was a clear warning, his kid wasn’t allowed to say anything. 

Red finally nodded, following his Dad’s instructions, “I’m not telling you shit.” He bit out. 

“Oh really?” He clicked the safety off, “Are you sure?” 

The look Bobby sent Red reinforced his order, “Yeah, I’m sure.” 

“Alright, have it your way.” 

And Doc pulled the trigger.

Buck startled up right with a scream, immediately waking Eddie up. 

Eddie manoeuvred himself so he was crouched in front of Buck who was panting wildly, eyes unfocused, “Hey, hey, what’s up bud?” It didn’t look like Buck could see or hear him, breathing becoming erratic, “Buck, baby, please.” 

That was enough to shock Buck to a stop, eyes wide, lips parted, “Am I dying?” 

“What? Why would you say that?” Eddie didn’t understand what was happening. 

“You called me baby, n-not man o-or bud, you called me baby.” 

And then it hit him, they’d had the same conversation all those years ago in Afghanistan, when he’d been shot in the head, “Oh, fuck, no, no, Buck, you’re fine, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, you’re not dying, you’re not dying, man, I just panicked.” 

“O-okay.” 

Eddie pushed some curls off of Buck’s forehead, getting them out of his eyes, he was well overdue a haircut and a shave but had been neglecting himself, so the excess hair was constantly in his eyes and his stubble was starting to look more like a beard to the point it was almost against regulation, “Can you tell me what your nightmare was about?” It was as if all of a sudden a switch flipped in Buck’s head, making him stand suddenly and get out of bed, balancing on his leg as he grabbed his crutches he’d left by the side of the bed, “Woah, hey man, what’s going on?” 

Buck grabbed his leg and dropped into the armchair that sat in the corner of their room, going through all the steps so he could get it on comfortably, “I need to go to the hospital, I gotta make sure Pops is okay.” 

“Visiting hours are over, they won’t let you in.” 

“I don’t care, I’m seeing him.” Buck stood and began to get changed, chucking jeans and a sweater on.

“Come on, talk to me man, what’s got you like this?” 

“I need to see Pops and make sure he's okay.”

Buck left the room and began to pull his sneakers on, “You’ve literally already said that! I need more information.”  

Buck just ignored him as he finished tying his laces. When he made a move to leave Eddie blocked the front door. 

“Eddie, move.” 

“I’m not moving until you tell me what’s going on in your head.” The both of them stood firm, staring each other down, “Please, tell me about the nightmare, let me help.” Of course Eddie knew Buck’s spiral was linked to whatever nightmare had woken him up. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Buck snapped. 

“Of course it matters, it matters because I love you and it’s clearly affecting you. So, please, talk to me.” 

Buck stepped away, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth as he turned his back to Eddie, looking up to try and stave off tears. 

Eddie took a step forward, “Buck- Buck please, I just want to help.” 

“But you can’t.” Buck snapped, turning to face Eddie. As soon as he made eye contact with him though, all fight left him, shoulders sagging, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Eddie closed the gap and pulled Buck into a hug, “You’re okay.” 

He heard Buck sniffle, “I was back there,” They didn’t talk about it, because Buck couldn’t, but Eddie knew exactly what Buck was referring to, “But Pops was there too, and he- he killed him, shot him in the head.” That was enough to break the dam, Buck beginning to sob into Eddie’s shoulder, “He killed him, and I couldn’t do anything to save him.” Buck’s knees gave out under him, the only thing holding him up being Eddie who gently lowered both of them to the ground, “I couldn’t save him.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry bud.” He gently rubbed Buck’s back, doing his best to hold back his own tears, “But he’s okay, it was just a dream.” 

“But what if it wasn’t? What if it’s my brain telling me something? O-or I’ve manifested it.” 

Eddie pulled back, hands on Buck’s shoulders, “Buck, listen to me, that’s your OCD talking, so I’m going to call the hospital and get an update for you, we’ll prove your OCD wrong, yeah?” 

Buck nodded, “Okay. Thank you.” 

“Let’s get you to the couch and then I’ll grab my phone.” Eddie stood, pulling Buck to his feet and guiding him to the couch, “Wait here, I won’t be long.” 

He returned within a matter of minutes, phone in hand. He found the number for the hospital Bobby was at and dialed it, chucking his phone on speaker, the sound of the line ringing filling the room. 

“First Preprytarian, Cheryl speaking.” 

“Hi Cheryl, my name’s Eddie Diaz, I’m a firefighter with the LAFD, I was wondering if Doctor Jillian Kane was around? She’s the lead doctor on a call I responded to and was hoping to speak to her to get an update?” He knew that requesting an update over the phone as Bobby’s son-in-law meant they probably wouldn’t give him any information but there was a good chance Jillian would help them, so telling a little white lie wouldn’t hurt. 

“Let me just check for you, do you mind holding?” 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” 

The hold music began to play, making it the only sound filling the room. 

Eventually the music stopped as Jillian’s voice filtered out of the speaker, “Eddie? What can I do for you?” 

Eddie relaxed a little, hearing the voice of one of the doctors that the 118 trusted deeply making everything feel just a tiny bit better. 

“Hey Jillian, uh, I’m here with Buck.”

“Hi Jillian.” Buck parroted 

“Hey boys, what can I do for you?” 

Eddie sighed, “Look, we know he’s not one of your patients, but, uh, could we possibly get an update on Bobby? He’s in your ICU right now and we just wanted to check in on him.” 

“Of course, let me just bring up his charts.” There was the clack of a keyboard on the other end of the line, “What was your last update?” 

“Uh, stable, doctors are hopeful.” Eddie was the one to respond, knowing it was best if Buck was able to just listen right now. 

“Well, there’s been no change as of yet.” She reported. 

“Okay, cool, that’s- that’s good, thank you.” He took one of Buck’s hands and gave it a squeeze, “He’s alive, he’s breathing, he hasn’t gotten worse.” He reminded Buck. 

“I promise you Buck, your Dad is doing as well as can be expected, it’s looking positive.” 

“Thanks.” Buck muttered, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder. 

“We really appreciate you Jillian, thank you for this.” 

“That’s alright.” She sighed, “Look, boys, my Dad had a heart attack a few years back, it’s really easy to let your head fill with ‘what if’s. But he’s alive, just focus on that for now because you can’t control anything else. Easier said than done, I know, but at least try.” 

“Yeah, yeah, thank you Jillian. We’ll, uh, we’ll let you get to it, I’m sure you’re busy.” 

“Thank you Eddie, I hope the next time we see each other it’s for work purposes.” 

Eddie and Jillian both chuckled, Buck staying silent, “Ditto.” And with that they hung up. Eddie put his phone on the coffee table and turned his full attention to Buck, “See, he’s alright, it was just a nightmare.” Buck nodded and let out a little hum of agreement, “Come on, let’s get back to bed.” 

Buck and Eddie were both dreading the arrival of the Diaz parents, something always seemed to go wrong when they came to visit, the two of them still set on Chris going to Texas with them. So no matter how many times Buck and Eddie tried to shut them down they’d still bring it up during their next conversation. 

Helena and Ramon had decided to rent a car so they could take themselves around LA whilst Eddie was working. Buck had taken holiday so he could be with Bobby but it meant he was in the hospital all day so wouldn’t be able to drive them around. 

Buck hadn’t gone back to sleep after his nightmare, instead staring at the ceiling as what if’s ran through his head, the occasional thought about Doc and Afghanistan creeping in as well. So he looked like death warmed over with large bags under puffy eyes, but he did his best to look presentable, knowing his inlaws would try and find fault with him regardless. 

When the knock on the door finally came Buck and Eddie made eye contact, taking a deep breath in unison before Eddie went and opened the front door. 

Before either of them could greet Helena and Ramon Chris called out, “Nana, Grandpa!” He barreled past his Dads and immediately hugged his Grandparents. 

Helena gave him a big kiss on the cheek, “Hello Chris.” 

Ramon then ruffled his hair, also giving him a hello. He then stepped forward and shook Eddie and Buck’s hands, the three of them doing their hellos. 

Helena had Chris in her arms but she came over and gave Eddie a hug and then shook Buck’s hand also exchanging hellos. 

The two of them had never been big fans of Buck, but they tolerated him for Eddie and Chris’ sake, still wanting their son and grandson in their lives even if they were rather conservative individuals. They hadn’t been thrilled when they found out Eddie was gay and dating a man (being told both bits of information in the same sentence), but they’d done their best to swallow it, even if they were cold towards Buck. 

“So… Does anyone want a coffee?” Buck offered, wanting something to do. 

But before anyone could answer Buck’s phone began to ring, he pulled it out to check the caller ID, the blood draining from his face, “Sorry it’s, uh, it’s my Mum.” He excused himself as he answered the phone, “Mum?” 

“Baby, your Pops is awake.” 

Buck’s knees gave out under him, collapsing down before Eddie could even process what was happening, his phone dropping from his hand and clattering on the floor. He rushed over to him and knelt down in front of him, “Buck? Buck, what’s going on?” 

“He’s awake.” Buck couldn’t believe it, Bobby was finally awake. 

“Buck, are you there?” Athena’s voice asked from the phone. 

Eddie reached out and grabbed it from where it’d fallen on the floor, “Athena, it’s Eddie.” 

“Eddie, is Buck okay?” 

“Yeah, just a bit shocked I think. Can we come down and see him?” 

“Of course.” Athena’s voice was soft. 

“We’ll be with you as soon as possible.” Eddie promised before hanging up, he then helped him to his feet, “Come on, shoes on.” 

Eddie bustled about, getting his own shoes on and Chris’, having taken his son back from his Mum. 

“I’m so sorry about this,” He apologised to his parents as he went, “Make yourself at home and I’ll be back as soon as possible.” 

“Eddie, we’ve literally just arrived.” His Mum protested. 

Eddie huffed, looking up from Chris’ shoes as he did them up, “I know, but Bobby’s been in a coma for two weeks, we need to go and see him.”

“Eddie-”

“I’ll be as quick as I can, but I need to see him, all three of us do. But once I’m done me and Chris will come back to see you.” 

Thankfully Ramon stepped in, “Let them go, this is important.” 

With Bobby now awake Buck could relax, granted the tension of his in-laws being over was still there and very prevalent but the weeks of fear and spiralling over whether or not he was going to lose Bobby were gone, he could finally breathe again. 

Now that Bobby was awake, Buck would visit him every day, just like Bobby had done for him when he’d woken up from his own coma. 

“Seriously Pops, I can’t deal with them right now, they’re just always there and picking at every little thing I do, like they’re just waiting for me to fuck up.” Buck groaned, settling back on the couch in Bobby and Athena’s temporary apartment, “Helena in particular, and she does it in front of Chris, it feels like she’s trying to teach him that I’m not a good father or something.” 

“Have you tried talking to Eddie about it?” Bobby asked, taking a sip of his tea. 

Buck shook his head, “What am I supposed to say? ‘I think your mum is trying to turn our son against me’? I’ll just sound paranoid. Besides, they're only here for four more days, I just need to suck it up.” 

“You shouldn’t have to ‘suck it up’. I really do think you need to talk to Eddie about it, it’s not healthy if you keep it to yourself.” 

“Ugh, why do you have to be so wise?” He moaned. 

Bobby chuckled, patting Buck’s shoulder, “It’s just part of being a Grandfather. Give it twenty years and you might reach my level of wisdom.” 

“Fuck, Pops, I’m not ready to consider the chance of becoming a Granddad.” The pair laughed together, relaxing in the comfortable atmosphere. 

“I think it’d be good for Christopher to come and spend some time with us in El Paso,” Helena said, bustling around the kitchen, “I know you keep saying he shouldn’t come and live with us, but we should let him make up his own mind.” 

“How many times do we have to say it, he’s staying here with us in LA.” Eddie huffed, “Besides, he’s too young to make that kind of decision.” 

“I’ll take that.” Buck muttered, taking the knife Helena had just picked up, “LA is Chris’ home, all of his friends are here, his school is here, all of his different therapists are here. And he’s autistic Helena, he struggles with change, so even if we did want him to go with you, which we do not, it would require a lot of work to make sure he’s comfortable, and I really don’t think you’re ready to handle that.” 

“Oh really Buck, you can’t blame your failings as a parent on his fictional autism.” She huffed, grabbing another knife from the drawer and beginning to chop up vegetables. 

“Mum, Jesus Christ, you can’t say that!” Eddie was shocked by his mother’s words, he hadn’t thought it possible for her to be so cruel. 

Helena scoffed loudly and put the knife down, “Come on Eddie, you can’t seriously be playing into this delusion of his.” 

“It’s not a delusion, he has a formal diagnosis. All three of us do.” Eddie hadn’t actually told his parents he was autistic, he knew they’d react like this, but Buck was open about his and they’d agreed to be open about Chris’, it was just Eddie they didn’t know about.

Helena spluttered at that, “Y-yo- Eddie, no-” She then called out, “Ramone, get in here.”

He appeared quickly, the walk from the lounge to the kitchen taking mere seconds, “What?” 

“Have you heard this? Eddie is claiming he’s autistic.” 

“I think we’d know if our own son was autistic.” Ramone sighed, “You’re fine.”

“See, this is why he-” Helena jabbed an accusatory finger at Buck, “Isn’t good for you, he’s dragged you into his little world and convinced you there is something wrong with you.” 

“I am autistic Mum.” Eddie snapped, “And this has nothing to do with Buck, he isn’t even the one who clocked it, it was his Dad, our Captain, who recommended I get tested.”

“Eddie, don’t get hysterical.” His father scolded, “We’re just worried about you and Christopher.” 

“What is there to be worried about? Our son is loved and well cared for, we’ve got a massive family here in LA and he’s getting the best help possible for his CP and autism.” Eddie told them.

“We’re worried because not only are you claiming he’s autistic, he doesn’t have a mother and we don’t know what damage that will do to him.” Ramone said, his voice calm unlike Helena, who’s voice just kept rising. 

Buck finally spoke up, he’d kept quiet for most of the argument, leaning back against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed, “The woman who gave birth to him may no longer be in the picture but he has plenty of women in his life who more than make up for that.” 

“You are not a part of this conversation, Evan.” Helena snapped, rounding on him. 

“That’s not my name and you know it.” Buck ground out. 

Helena tutted, looking unimpressed, “A child needs his mother, it’s only right. And that isn’t a role you or any of these other women can fill. So he either needs his biological mother or grandmother in his life to make sure he’s raised right, which is why he needs to come to El Paso and live with us there. Eddie, you are welcome to join. Evan, you are not.” 

“Mum…” There was a clear warning in Eddie’s voice but Helena kept going, focusing all of her venom on Buck.

“You are not a father and you are most certainly not a mother, so stop trying to be, it’ll only confuse Christopher. And you need to stop corrupting my son, this has gone on long enough. First you turned him gay, then you coerced him into living in LA, and then you made him think he was autistic. You are the devil and have brought nothing but misery and misguidance into my son’s life.” She stepped towards him so Buck straightened up, unfurling to his full height of six foot two, but Helena didn’t seem put off, “I know what you are, you are a monster and a murderer who leaves nothing but blood and destruction in its wake, and I will not let my son fall victim to you-”

“Get out of my house.” Eddie growled. 

“Edmundo.” 

“No Dad, I want you both gone. So pack your bags and leave. Now!” 

“Eddie, we are trying to protect you.” His mother replied, “We thought you’d come to your senses on your own so kept our mouths shut but this has gone on long enough. You need to go and pack a bag for yourself and Chris and then we’ll head back to El Paso. Buck can pack up the rest of your stuff and we’ll arrange for movers to come and collect it, okay?” 

“No, Mum, I’m not doing that. Me and Chris are staying here with Buck because this is our home, our family is here, and if you can’t accept that then I’m sorry but this isn’t going to work.” Eddie let out a deep, weary sigh, “Just pack your bags and go. Please. I don’t want to keep fighting like this and if you stay I’m scared of saying something I can’t take back.” 

“Can we at least stay until Chris is back from school so we can say goodbye?” Ramone asked. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Dad. But I’ll tell him you’ve had an emergency back home or something, we’re not going to paint you as the bad guys.” Eddie promised, hoping to stop this all from getting even worse. 

“Helena.” Ramone prompted her to leave with her name alone. Eddie’s parents said goodbye to him but completely ignored Buck and then left. 

As soon as they were gone Eddie pulled Buck into a hug, “I am so sorry about them.” Buck clung on to his husband tightly, “None of it is true, they’re bigots who spout absolute bullshit.” 

Buck gave him a small, unconvincing nod. Eddie knew his parent’s words would be like a knife to his husband’s heart so he was going to do everything he could to prove them wrong. 

It was Bobby’s first day back at the 118 following his heart attack, having been cleared for duty by his doctors. 

“Ay, look who’s back!” Buck cheered as soon as he saw him walk into the apparatus bay, jogging over to pull his Dad into a hug.

“Hey kid.” Bobby greeted, patting him on the back before pulling out of the embrace to greet everyone else. 

“Good to have you back Cap.” Ravi said, clapping hands with the man. 

“Hasn’t been the same without you.” Eddie added. 

“You don’t know how happy I am to be handing the Captain’s helmet back to you.” Hen joked, getting a chuckle out of everybody. 

Suddenly an unfamiliar voice cut through the warm welcomes, “What are you doing here?” 

Everyone’s heads whipped around, to be greeted by the face of an older man with white hair and an impressive mustache. Buck didn’t recognise this guy and didn’t understand why he was standing in the station. 

“This is my station.” Bobby replied, looking just as perplexed as Buck felt. 

“Oh, you mustn't have gotten the memo.” The man replied, “Vincent Gerrard, Captain of the 118.” 

Chapter Text

The part of his brain that had been conditioned to listen to his superiors and follow their orders was constantly screaming at him to stand in line and listen to Gerrard, but the part of him that wanted to fight to get his home back just couldn’t help but push back and for once that was the part of his brain that was winning. 

Much like he did everyday, Gerrard was berating him in front of the whole station, all of them doing line up as he pointed out every little flaw in their work. And because Buck still wouldn’t fall in line the man was really going for it, yelling his head off, spittle flying out of his mouth. 

“You think you’re all that, don’t you? Like you’re special, but you’re not. You’re nobody, I could replace you just like that,” He clicked to punctuate his sentence, “and we wouldn’t even feel it, it wouldn’t impact us and it sure as shit wouldn’t bring a tear to my eye. So either you start behaving or I ship you out.” A wicked smile flashed across his face, “I’ve got a buddy at the 72, real nice station, out in the suburbs, very calm, not many calls, plenty of time for you to keep being the lazy bastard that I know you are, I think you’d fit right in.” 

As Gerrard spoke Buck continued to get more and more overwhelmed, sounds overlapping, even the slightest noise sounded like it was screaming. And in that moment he really wanted to kill Gerrard. 

He noticed a sudden shift in the sounds around him, there was a noise that had stopped and another that had appeared. Before he even had time to process it he was lunging at Gerrard, tackling him to the ground. 

He heard more than felt his own skull crack against the concrete floor as he landed funny, feeling dazed for a second before he was able to pull himself up into a sitting position. He brought a hand to the side of his head, checking for any damage, thankfully when he checked his hand there wasn’t any blood. But he’d hit the side of his head that’d been shot back in Afghanistan, he was always cautious with it, knowing that there was damage there that he was scared to aggravate. 

“-uck, Buck, earth to Buck.” Buck’s head snapped up to find Eddie crouched in front of him, “There we go, hey bud, how’re you doing?” 

“Uh, yeah, yeah, okay I think.” He replied, taking stock of the rest of his body. 

“Good, can I check you out anyway?” Buck nodded so Eddie pulled a pen light out of his pocket and checked Buck’s pupillary response, “Yep, your eyes are all good.” He put the torch away and gently turned Buck’s head so he could look at the side that’d taken the hit. 

At first glance he was happy with it, nothing obviously wrong, he then got a bit closer and began to move Buck’s hair this way and that, looking for anything that could be hidden amongst the strands. 

Hen appeared over Eddie’s shoulder, “How’re you feeling Buckaroo?” She asked, also inspecting the side of his head. 

“Yeah, I’m fi-”

“Fucking hell.” Hen gasped. Eddie had reached the point on Buck’s head where all the scars from the bullet and ensuing surgeries were. With the way Eddie had parted Buck’s hair the spider web of thin bald patches and the larger circular one were obvious. After the injury Buck had stopped getting the sides and back shaved down, abandoning the fade he used to love, so that his hair was long enough to hide the lasting evidence, “What did you-” She cut herself off, remembering the 118’s golden rule, you don’t ask about the Grant-Nash Diaz scars, “Sorry, sorry, ignore me.” 

A sudden thought hit Buck, turning his head to look beside him, dislodging Eddie’s hands. He immediately saw the pool of blood on the floor and no Gerrard, “D- did, did I kill him?” 

Hen gave him a small smile, “No, the opposite actually, you saved his life.” 

“O-oh.” Buck was shocked, he’d tackled the man and there was a lot of blood on the floor. He then looked up and saw the blade embedded in the side of the truck. 

His eyes began to dart around, a sure sign that he was fighting off the urge to start counting. Of course Eddie didn’t miss it, “Do you need a word?” He asked. Buck nodded, “Eat, all caps.” 

It had taken a while but Buck had been able to move down to three letter words and Eddie was confident that they’d be moving down to two within the next month. 

He watched as Buck traced out the letters in the air with his finger, still having a hard time when it came down to counting as the lighting math abilities had worn off long ago, “Four… th-three… two.”

Eddie nodded with a smile on his face, “Spot on.” 

When they’d been asked to run triage on the passengers of the plane his Mum was on, Buck knew he had more pressing things to do. 

As good as he and Hen were as Captains (Hen always being first choice unless they ended up in a situation where Buck’s expertise would be more useful), neither of them were Bobby and the 118 needed their real captain. Plus his Pops deserved to know it was his wife flying the plane. So when Bobby didn’t pick up his phone Buck began calling any and all numbers he could find that could possibly get him through to him. 

Buck was being sent in circles, constantly hitting dead ends or getting forwarded on to other people who knew just as much as the last, which was nothing, most of them didn’t even seem to know Bobby existed. 

But eventually he got fed up and decided to take matters into his own hands. 

“Hen, I’m off to get Pops.” He told her, not leaving any room for argument, turning and leaving as soon as he finished speaking, not waiting for a reply. 

Buck drove as fast as he legally could to Studio City, so within half an hour he was there and trying to get onto set. It wasn’t the easiest feat but the poor security guard eventually caved as Buck went on and on about fire codes and what not, being sure to use as many technical terms as possible to throw the guy off. 

Bobby wasn’t hard to miss, his real LAFD uniform standing out amongst the redesigned ones the cast wore, “Pops!” He called out, the man immediately turning to him. 

“Buck? Don’t tell me that plane-“ 

Buck cringed a bit, “Is the one Mum’s on?” He nodded, “She’s flying it.” 

Bobby groaned loudly, “Of course she is.” 

“They’re trying to do an emergency landing at LAX, Eddie called me on the way over to say everyone’s being called to the airport.” Buck explained. 

“We need to go and meet them all there then. How did you get here?” 

“My car, but traffic in that direction is backed up, there’s no way we’re getting through it.” 

Bobby looked around, formulating a plan, eyes settling on the fire engine and then a runner, “Hey, do these things work?” He called out. 

The guy just shrugged, “Not my department.” 

Bobby pulled open the door and got in, “Only one way to find out.” 

Buck chuckled as he pulled himself up and into the Captain’s seat, he turned to the back as soon as he heard a door open and close only to find one of the actors from the show. 

Bobby had clearly spotted him too, but he just shook his head and drove off, hitting the lights and sirens. 

“Let’s saddle up boys.” The guy called out, looking far too excited. 

Buck turned back to him again, after hearing him speak he was finally able to place the guy, oh shit, it was Brad Torrence, the main guy, “Hey, no offence man but, uh, what are you doing?” 

“I’ve been wanting to shadow ol’ Hollywood Bob here for donkeys, get a feel for what it’s really like to be a real fire captain, you know a bit of Strasberg, Adler, Hagen, bring in some Meisner and Chekov, really go all in.” 

Buck gaped at him for a second, brain eventually rebooting, “You said a lot of words and I didn’t understand most of them.” He took another second to buffer, “Also, since when you were British?”  

Brad beamed at him in excitement, “I’ve always been British, Tottenham born and bred, my accent work is just that good.” 

Buck turned back to the front, a bit dazed, “Huh, wild.” 

Buck hadn’t ridden a motorcycle in years, but it felt good to be back on one, weaving in and out of cars, the wind in his hair, ready to shut down the road in the most stupid way possible; running into traffic. 

So as soon as he’d reached the end of the bridge he dumped the bike and set off the flares, running in the hopes that people would get the picture and stop. But most just swerved to avoid him, because apparently flares weren’t enough to get people to stop, acting like he was just an obstacle rather than a man stopping them from getting run over by a plane (not that they actually knew that last part). 

It was once he almost got hit that people finally began to get the message, stopping their cars allowing Buck to begin banging on windows and telling them to run. The message swept through the traffic as people began to run, Buck only having to tell the first three rows before people further back joined in. 

Buck stayed down that end, just in case anybody tried to run his way, but his flares were still going so he held them up, a clear warning to stay back. 

It didn’t take long for the plane to fly overhead, the wind whipping his hair around. He watched as it got lower and lower, trying to find words to count so that it didn’t overshoot and kill his Pops and a bunch of civilians. 

By some sheer miracle it landed mere inches away from the engine, at which point Buck dumped his flares and ran towards it so he could begin evacuation. 

By the time he reached it the emergency slides had already been deployed and passengers were sliding to safety so he began helping them up and triaging them for when crews finally arrived on scene. 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Brad doing the same by the rear slide, the man seeming weirdly competent, or he did until he passed out. 

Buck ran over to check on the situation, once he’d confirmed Brad was alive he turned to the girl he’d been with, “Hey, what’s going on?” He asked. 

“I just asked him if this looked okay?” She said, showing him her broken leg, no wonder Brad had passed out, it wasn’t a pretty sight. But Buck had seen far worse, hell he’d experienced far worse (cough, cough, ladder truck, cough, cough) so he didn’t have a problem looking at it.

“As okay as a broken leg can look.” He joked, he then flagged down a paramedic,  “Over here! Got a yellow tag!” A paramedic he didn’t know jogged over with a gurney, “He’s going to take great care of you and get you to the hospital, okay?” 

“Yeah, thank you.” She smiled at him brightly, in weirdly good spirits given the look of her leg, “But what about him?” She pointed at Brad. 

“Eh, he’ll be fine. He’s not a real firefighter so probably got a bit squeamish about the leg.” Buck explained, brushing it off. 

She looked confused as Buck and the paramedic got her up onto the gurney, “But he said he was?” 

Buck groaned, “For fuck sake Brad.” He lightly nudged him with his boot, “He’s an actor.” He then turned to the paramedic, “You got any smelling salts?” 

“Sure do.” He fished one out and handed it over just as his partner arrived. 

“Thanks man.” 

The paramedics then began to wheel the girl away who yelled out a thank you, Buck waving at her. He then bent down and snapped the salts under Brad’s nose waking him up, “Quit telling people you're a firefighter.” He told him before flagging down another paramedic duo for him. 

Almost everyone was off of the plane when he saw her coming down the slide. The both of them recognised each other at the same time, eyes going wide. 

“Frankie?” “Mr Buck?” 

“Frankie, holy shit!” He helped her to her feet and pulled her into a hug, “Jesus, you’ve got to stop getting yourself into disasters, kid.” 

She giggled at that, pulling back from the hug. She gently reached up, touching the tsunami scars on his face, “Are those…?” 

He nodded, “Yeah, they never went away.” His face then fell as he took one of her hands in his, his other cupping her cheek “Look, I never got to say how sorry I was that I lost you, I-” 

“Frankie?” A man ran over and pulled her away from Buck. 

“Dad, it’s okay, this is Mr Buck.” 

Frankie’s Dad’s eyes went wide in shock, “As in… from the tsunami?” 

Buck smiled at him, “Yeah, it’s lovely to meet you Mr- sorry I don’t actually know your name.” 

“Morley, Craige Morley.” The pair shook hands, “I’m assuming Buck is your surname?” 

Buck chuckled, “It-uh it’s my first name actually,” He then pointed at his badge, “Grant-Nash.” 

“I’m sorry I never got to meet you when I picked Frankie up from the hospital, I really wanted to but we were told we weren’t allowed to see you. But it was hard enough losing her mother, I don’t know what I would've done if I’d lost her too. So thank you for keeping my little girl safe.” 

“I, uh, I didn’t actually, I lost her, I’m so sorry, I took my eye off of her for one second and she fell and I couldn’t find her-” He began to ramble as the panic and fear from that day returned. 

Frankie grabbed his hand again, “No, no, you saved me, you pulled me out and put me on the fire truck and then you saved loads more people, you were amazing.” 

“You still fell in.” 

Frankie gave his hand a squeeze, “Yeah, but I was saved again, which wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t gotten to me first.” 

Gerrard paced down the line, critiquing everyone’s work just like he did every shift, until he got to Buck. He got up into his personal space, his breath smelling just as rancid as usual, Buck trying to hide a grimace. 

“You saved my life, son.” He then pulled him into a hug, Buck tensed at the contact and use of the term ‘son’. 

“Uh, n-no problem, just, uh, doing my job.” 

He thought Gerrard would finally let go of him at that point but he kept going and it was making Buck more and more uncomfortable by the second, so he had to focus on controlling his breathing, “I’m taking you under my wing, this is me taking you under my wing.”

“Oh, uh, t-that’s nice of you, but I’m okay.” He stuttered out, wanting to disappear. 

Thankfully Gerrard pulled back, just holding Buck by his shoulders, “You don’t need to act polite, I want to be your mentor.” 

“I- uh, I’m really fine, sir.” His eyes darted over to Eddie in a silent plea for help. 

Some of Gerrard’s usual resentment for Buck slipped into his expression, “You’re by no means perfect son, you’re not above my help.” 

Buck’s usual fight began to rear its head, the second use of ‘son’ more than enough to get to him, “I’m not saying that, I’m trying to politely tell you that I don’t need you as a mentor.” 

“What? Because your daddy is? News flash Grant, he isn’t here anymore, but I am. So you either get your act together or I’m booting you, is that clear?” 

Buck tried to hide his grimace as he gave a hollow “Yes sir.” 

“Grant!” Gerrard bellowed, silencing the whole station, “My office, now!” 

Buck groaned as he stood and then clattered down the stairs, following Gerrard into his office. 

Gerrard took a seat behind his desk but didn’t give Buck permission to sit. 

He looked over some papers on his desk, letting the silence stretch out. After a minute he put the papers down, clasped his hands and finally looked up at Buck, “You’re an interesting young man, Grant, I’ve been doing some research into you, little buddy, and I am fascinated; you’re an ex-Navy SEAL, decorated firefighter, impressive acting Captain, so you obviously understand the chain of command. But you can’t seem to fall in line here. And I want to know why, so get talking.” 

“There’s nothing to tell.” He said with a shrug. 

“I’m not joking when I say I’m going to ship you out, hell I might even fire you, sending you running back to the Navy with your tail tucked between your legs, if you don’t start falling in line.” He threatened.

“No offence Captain, but I’ve got a reputation, even if you kick me I can find another house and get re-hired with ease.” Buck managed to get out through gritted teeth. 

The smirk on Gerrard’s face made Buck want to shrivel up and disappear, “I have a reputation too, and connections, and trust me Grant, if you don’t fall in line I can and will make your life a living hell. I can make it that you can’t get any job at all in LA, I can get your son taken from you, and you can run and tattle to your Daddy but he won’t be able to do shit. Do I make myself clear?” Buck instinctively stood to attention, getting a smug smile out of Gerrard, “There we go, good boy.” He began to shuffle through the papers again, not looking up at Buck as he spoke, “If anybody asks what this meeting was about I’m following up on some paperwork for yesterday’s swimming pool call, is that clear?” 

Buck really wanted to fight back, but he didn’t want to risk it, because in all honesty if Gerrard did get him kicked from the LAFD then he probably would go back to the SEALs, he didn’t have any other skills and wouldn’t want to uproot Eddie and Chris, and he really didn’t want that, so instead he forced out a “Yes sir.” 

“Good, dismissed Firefighter Grant.” 

“Thank you sir.” And then he left. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” Eddie asked as Buck walked back into the loft. 

Buck walked past his husband and over to the kitchen, “Yeah, yeah, fine.” He muttered. 

Eddie fell into step next to him as Buck poured himself a mug of coffee, “Woah, come on, talk to me bud.” 

“It’s nothing, just Gerrard berating me as per usual. Pissed that I made some mistakes on my report from yesterday’s pool rescue.” He let out a bitter laugh, “Not my fault I’m dyslexic, right?” 

“So what? He’s having a go at you for some spelling mistakes?” 

Buck took a sip of his coffee so he could hide behind the mug, “He hates me, any excuse to have a go at me, right?” 

Suddenly the tones went off, everyone kicking into action. Buck was down the pole, in his turn outs and in the engine practically in seconds. 

Hen, Ravi and Eddie joined him not long after and then the engine pulled out as soon as Gerrard was in the captain’s seat. 

A light chatter filled the engine, but Buck just stared out of the window, watching the streets of LA whizz by. 

“-uck, Buck?” Buck snapped out of his daze when Eddie nudged his shoulder so he’d answer Hen. 

“Huh?” 

“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” Hen chuckled. 

Buck was a little frazzled, unable to get Gerrard’s threats out of his head, “Oh, uh, sorry, no, what did you say?” 

“I was asking if you were going to come over to the house tomorrow, we’re going to have a barbecue.” 

Eddie knocked his knee against Buck’s, “I said we’re free, but if you’re not up for it that’s okay.” 

“Uh, no, that would be great, it would be nice.” He gave her an unconvincing smile, but thankfully they pulled up at the scene before anyone could question it. 

As Gerrard began barking orders Buck’s work brain booted up only for his wires to get crossed, he didn’t just fall in line his brain sent him all the way. Although he didn’t go full SEAL, his deadly side not rearing its head, he fell into rank like it was second nature, which it kinda was. 

“We have people reported. Grant, Diaz, search and rescue from alpha wall, Cairney, Sessengon, gamma wall. Meet in the middle.”

There was a ripple of agreement, all of them sounding professional but Buck’s ‘yes sir’ was more clinical, far more militaristic, which earned him a weird look from Eddie. 

As he headed over to the engine to grab his BA Gerrard grabbed his bicep, holding him in place as he whispered “Good boy” with a malicious grin. Buck had to actively hide his shiver, as even in his turnouts it would be obvious. 

“Hey, what was that about?” Eddie asked as he hoisted his oxygen tank onto his back. 

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” Buck lied, grabbing his own oxygen. 

“Bullshit.” Eddie hissed, turning to face Buck, “I know your military voice and that was it, you’d better not be going full SEAL on me.”

Buck turned to face Eddie, “I’m not going SEAL don’t worry. Now can we please go and do our job.” 

Eddie still looked sceptical but nodded anyway, letting it slide for now. 

“Grant, my office.” Buck tensed when he heard Gerrard calling for him, already dreading whatever he wanted to talk about given this would be their second meeting in one shift. 

“You know, I like you much more when you’re behaving.” Gerrard said, as soon as Buck had closed the door behind himself, the younger man then standing to attention, “And it doesn’t look like I need to get rid of you, although I do need to get rid of someone.” Buck did his best not to pull a face at that, “You see, the department is making budget cuts and so we need to get rid of anything non-essential. And right now the numbers say someone’s got to go. But I’ve not been here long enough to know who the perfect choice is. I’ll be honest, my first thought was you, but your record is just too good for me to dismiss you without good reason, and now that you’re acting like a good boy I think it’s best if I don’t get rid of you.

“But you’ve been here for years, you know this crew like the back of your hand. So you’re going to pick who gets the boot.” Buck opened his mouth to respond but Gerrard held up a hand to silence him, continuing to talk, “If you refuse, or do anything to stop this then I will change my mind and get rid of you, and then I’ll follow through on my previous threats so you can’t cause me any more problems. Is that clear?” 

Buck took a deep breath, swallowing down his need to fight back, “Yes sir.” 

“Good, you’ve got until the end of the week to make the decision. Dismissed.” 

With a nod Buck walked out. 

“Seriously? Body cams?” Eddie moaned, “This is ridiculous.” 

“Welcome to the future Diaz,” Ravi quipped, “Big Brother has eyes everywhere.” 

“But realistically what do they expect to achieve with this?” He asked. 

“Ortiz wants to punish me, that’s what.” Hen grumbled. 

“Fuck that woman, she’s a real piece of work.” Ravi spat. 

“Buck?” Hen called out, “You’ve been suspiciously quiet about this whole thing.”

“I can’t do this.” He mumbled, turning the camera around in his hands, inspecting it from all angles. “This is-“ He huffed out a sigh, trying to find the words, “-it’s dangerous.” 

Eddie’s face softened, “Yeah?”

Buck nodded, “Yeah.”

Ravi looked between the two of them before speaking, confusion colouring his face “Okay, I feel like I’m missing something.” 

“SEAL stuff.” Buck said. 

“But you left.” Ravi pointed out, “Surely you’re fine now, right?” 

Buck took a second to collect his thoughts, trying to figure out how to explain it without giving anything away, “When you take someone or something out, there’s still people left behind. It’s like how the hydra’s heads grow back.” 

Understanding graced Ravi and Hen’s faces, “Right, that makes sense.” Ravi said. 

“So what are you going to do?” Hen asked. 

“I don’t know.” He sighed, “I suppose I could have a career change but I really don’t want that, this is my life, you know.” 

“Why not reach out to Venga or another of your COs?” Eddie suggested, “See if they could get the program cancelled?” 

Buck shook his head, “Nah, there’s only so much they can do and this isn’t something they can help with.” 

“So what? We all wear them and you just hope for the best?” Ravi asked. 

Buck shrugged, “Not much else I can do.” 

“So we just need to stay vigilant.” Eddie said, even though they were all thinking it. Well, all of them but Buck who shook his head. 

“You won’t see them coming unless they want you to, staying vigilant won’t do shit.” He grumbled. 

“Am I hearing complaints about the body cams?” Gerrard’s voice came from the top of the stairs, everyone’s heads whipping around to look at him. 

At the sound of his voice Buck sat up ramrod straight, shoulders squaring, something Eddie didn’t miss. 

“No sir, just discussing the implications of data privacy.” Buck replied, voice cold and professional. 

“And?” He prompted. 

“As public servants who are funded by tax payers dollars it is only right for them to be able to see our work and hold us accountable.”

Gerrard nodded at him, clearly happy with that answer, “Good answer Grant.” He then walked to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, the conversation moving on and changing topics. 

Buck was in the kitchen when Eddie was finally able to corner him. He’d just put Chris to bed whilst Buck cleaned the kitchen up. 

“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on?” He asked, leaning his back against the counter, arms crossed. 

Buck didn’t look away as he wiped the sides down, “I don’t know what you mean.” He tried to shrug him off but Eddie wasn’t convinced. 

Eddie sighed, “Gerrard calls you into his office and then suddenly you’re going all weird and military. You’re not just falling in line like the rest of us, you’re acting like you’re back in Afghanistan, there’s a big difference.” 

“I thought that’s what you wanted me to do.” He snapped. 

“Don’t be a dick Buck, I’m trying to help.” 

Buck groaned loudly, bracing his hands on the counter and dropping his head, “Gerrard threatened to fire me.” He explained. 

“He does that most days.” Eddie didn’t get why this was any different. 

“Because he said he’d make it so the only choice I’d have would be to rejoin the SEALs and that he’d get Chris taken away.” 

“He can’t do that.” Eddie protested. 

“Well, I don’t want to risk it. I-I can’t go back and I can’t lose Chris. So I’m just going to play along.” 

“For how long?” Eddie asked, voice soft with concern. 

Buck straightened up and turned to face Eddie, “Until Pops is back? Until Gerrard retires?” 

“Your Pops isn’t coming back Buck, the brass benched him because of his heart attack.” Eddie reminded him.

“That’s bullshit and you know it, he was cleared, he’s allowed to come back, they just won’t let him off of Hotshots. And Gerrard shouldn’t be allowed back at the 118, he was kicked out for being a bigot.” A sudden thought hit Buck, “There’s something more going on here Eddie. H-he said he has connections, that’s how he was going to get Chris taken away a-and stop me from getting work in LA. And that’s how he came back, whoever he knows got him back in the 118 and is keeping Pops on out.” 

Buck rushed out of the kitchen and went on the hunt for his phone.

Eddie followed, “Buck? Buck, what are you doing?” 

“I’m getting answers.” He grabbed his phone and began typing. 

Eddie stopped, standing in front of his husband, “Answers? What are you talking about?” 

Buck looked up at him, “If he’s got friends higher up then we can find them and stop this, get Gerrard out and Pops back in.” 

“Buck? Seriously?” Eddie let out an exasperated sigh, “And how do you plan on doing that?” 

“I have a friend who’s in intelligence, he might be able to help.” 

“Help? Buck, you can’t just call in the military to help because you don’t like your boss.” 

“But it’s not that I don’t like my boss, my boss is threatening my livelihood and my family, that’s different.” 

Eddie held his hands up in surrender, “I don’t want to fight, so you do what you’ve gotta do, but I’m not participating in this.” 

Buck snapped, “I didn’t ask you to get involved.” 

Eddie suddenly deflated, “Right, right.” He let out a small sigh, “Look, you know I love and support you, so I trust you to do this right, but I want to be kept out of it, okay?” 

Buck nodded, “Of course. I don’t want you to get mixed up in this, because I don’t know who Gerrard has in his pocket but if this goes south I want you to have plausible deniability. For your’s and Chris’ sake.” Buck’s phone began to ring, “I’ll take this outside.” He kissed Eddie on the cheek before stepping out onto the back porch. 

“Harvey? Hey man.” Buck greeted, taking his vape out of his pocket as he sat on the swing chair they had out there. 

“Red, hey, what can I do for you?” He replied, voice cheery as always. 

“Look, I have a bit of a problem here and I could use a hand.”

“Alright… talk me through it.” 

Buck took a quick drag of his vape, the vapour leaving his mouth as he began to speak, “So since I became a firefighter my boss has been this guy called Bobby, but he had a heart attack, and even though he’s better now he’s being kept from active duty, instead he’s a consultant on a tv show. In his place is this guy called Vincent Gerrard, he was a former captain of the station I’m with but was removed due to complaints lodged against him, but somehow he’s back and making everyone’s lives a living hell. 

“Uh, he’s also started to throw out some pretty big threats, he’s talking about getting my kid taken from me and making sure I’ll never be able to get a job in LA ever again if I don’t act the way he wants me to. Apparently he has connections that can make that happen, and I don’t know how truthful he’s being but I don’t want to risk it. 

“Call me paranoid but I think these are all connected, like whoever he knows is high up somewhere and able to pull all these strings. 

“I understand if you can’t but is there any chance you’d be able to look into him, maybe see if you can find anything that might help fix this?” 

There was silence on the other end of the line before a sigh crackled through, “Jesus Red, that’s a lot. I’m sorry you’re going through all of that. But I owe you so I’ll see what I can do. If I find anything I’ll text you, but no promises.” 

“Thank you so much Harvey, you’re the best.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Harvey tried to brush him off but Buck could tell he was blushing. 

“I’ll talk to you soon.” 

“Yeah, talk to you soon.” 

It was three days before Harvey texted him, organising a meeting at his office. So after his shift Buck drove over there. 

“Buck Grant-Nash, I’m here to see Harvey Alton.” He said to the security guard on the desk. 

“Sign in here for me.” He said, pointing at a screen. 

Buck followed his instructions as the security guard called up to Harvey letting him know he’d arrived. 

After a minute Harvey appeared, smiling at Buck as he walked over to the gates to greet him, “Red! Welcome to my humble abode.” He couldn’t help but smile at the other man, clapping hands with him, “Come on up.” 

Buck took a visitors badge from the security guard and then followed Harvey upstairs. 

“You want something to drink? Tea, coffee, water, soda?” 

“Yeah, a water would be great, thanks.” 

“Cool.” 

Once Buck was settled, Harvey began, “So, I did a bit of digging, and then I maybe might have gone a bit deeper, and I was able to find some interesting things. How much do you know about Councilwoman Olivia Ortiz?” 

“Uh, she has a bit of a vendetta against one of our paramedics because she blames her for her son’s death.” Buck explained. 

“Henrietta Wilson, right?” 

“Yeah…? How do you know that?” 

Harvey chuckled, sending Buck a wicked smile, “It wasn’t hard to find out that she was the one who got Gerrard re-assigned to the 188, and let’s just say her emails aren’t very secure.” A cheeky look of understanding dawned on Buck’s face, “Even on a preliminary scan the words “Henrietta Wilson, 118 and Vincent Gerrard come up extremely frequently. As well as multiple emails to Gerrard himself.” 

“So, what’s she been saying?” 

Harvey slid some paper over to Buck, “It’s quite an interesting read.” Buck picked them up and flicked through them, “The SparkNotes version is that she had a Mara Driskel taken from Ms Wilson and put back into foster care, but there doesn’t appear to be a valid reason past wanting her to lose her daughter. And, like I already said, she’s the person who reinstated Gerrard as captain of the 118 and is keeping Captain Nash on Hotshots. So it’s likely she’s the person Gerrard would go to if he were to carry out his threats against you.” Harvey explained. 

“Okay, and is there any way I can fix this?” He asked. 

“You can’t fix it.” Harvey gave him a shit eating grin, “But I think I can.” 

“Meaning…?” 

“I’ll anonymously leak her emails and then flag up the Gerrard and Mara ones, prove she’s crooked. That should lead to her meddling being undone and she won’t be able to win the mayoral vote.” 

Buck couldn’t help the chuckle of relief that fell out of him, “Oh thank fuck, you’re amazing Harvey, I could kiss you!” 

“Please don’t.” He smirked, “We’re both married men and you’re not my type.” 

“Fuck off, you know what I mean.” Buck laughed loudly.

“Yeah yeah, I do, I do.” Harvey shook his head, an amused smile still on his face, “Now, I’ve got emails to leak and a woman’s career to tank, get outta here.” 

Buck stood, “Seriously, I owe you one man, you’re a real one.” 

“Hey, it’s what we do, right?” 

An hour after leaving Harvey’s office his phone pinged with a text. 

‘done’

“How the hell did you do it?” Eddie asked, taking a swig of his beer. 

Buck sent him a jokey glare, “I thought you didn’t want to know.” 

“In my defence I thought you were going to murder someone.” 

“Me? Murder? Never…” 

Eddie put his beer down and then held Buck’s face in his hands, kissing him, “You’re an idiot.” 

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot.” He murmured into his husband's mouth. 

“Yeah, you are.” 

Suddenly they heard an “eew”, causing them to break apart to find Chris in the entrance to the kitchen, cringing at his Dads, “Gross.” 

“Gross? Gross?” Buck gasped, zipping over to Chris and scooping him up in his arms, placing an over the top kiss on his son’s cheek, making him giggle and wiggle about. 

Eddie immediately came over to join them on Chris’ other side, wrapping his arms around his husband and son, also giving Chris an over the top kiss on the cheek, “Looks like we made a Chris sandwich.” Eddie said before blowing a raspberry on Chris’ cheek.

“Yucky.” He whined, but he was clearly not uncomfortable and didn’t actually want to be put down, he was just being overdramatic (like a true Grant-Nash Diaz). 

“Are we seriously going to Studio City?” Ravi whined, “This is going to fucking suck.” 

“Hey, as long as you don’t fangirl you’ll be fine.” Eddie joked, nudging his boot against Ravi’s shin. 

“I’m not gonna fangirl.” Ravi moaned, crossing his arms, “I just hate Studio City.” 

“Why? You got something against the place?” Buck asked, eyes not leaving the road as he wove the engine through traffic (it wasn’t often that he drove nowadays but if they were short on engineers for whatever reason he’d get back in the driver’s seat)

“An ex of mine works there.” Everyone made sounds of understanding at that. 

“What kind of breakup was it?” Hen asked, “Good? Bad? Mutual?” 

“Bad.” Ravi cringed, “Married to the man she cheated on me with.” 

Everyone made pained noises of sympathy at that. 

“Well, hey, maybe she doesn’t work on Hotshots.” Buck suggested, “What’s her name? Pops might know.” 

“Marilyn Acker.” 

Bobby looked back at Ravi but didn’t say anything, the grimace on his face saying enough. 

Ravi threw his head back and groaned loudly, “My life is over!” 

“Hey, if she cheated on you then she’s not worth it.” Hen said, using her ‘mum’ voice. Since being paired with Ravi she’d become something of a maternal figure in his life, sure his mum was still alive and great but now he pretty much had a second, everyone jokingly referring to Hen as his ‘work mum’, “Besides, you’ve got Alfie now and he’s much better.” 

“Yeah, but it’s embarrassing.” 

“Don’t worry Rav, you’ve got us,” Buck reminded him, “You’re a kickarse firefighter with a family of kickarse firefighters who have your back. We’ve got you man, don’t worry.” 

The first thing Eddie processed as he stepped out of the engine was the body dangling from the top of the aerial, Buck’s body. He needed to run up that ladder and get to his husband, save him, make sure he was alive, to get him safe. 

Suddenly a hand clapped on his shoulder, shocking him out of his panicked planning mode. His head whipped around to find Buck by his side. 

He looked back at the man hanging from the aerial, back at Buck, back at the man and the aerial, and then back at Buck one last time. 

“You alright?” Buck asked, giving him a concerned look. 

“Uh, yeah, yeah, fine.” He shook himself out of his daze, “I’m good.” 

“Alright,” Bobby called out, getting everyone’s attention, having just returned from getting the run down from the onset medic, “Hen, Ravi, I want you on medical standby. Buck, strap in, you're going up their aerial,” Eddie paled at that, muscles going stiff, “Eddie, you’re going up ours so Jimenez I need you to get it extended.” 

“Wait!” Eddie called out, everyone turning to look at him, “Sh-shouldn’t Buck be the one manning the aerial?” He asked, “I-I mean, he’s the engineer today, that’s the engineer's job.” 

Everyone looked at him uncertainly, but it was Jimenez that spoke up, “No, it’s fine, I don’t mind operating the aerial. Besides Buck’s way stronger than I am, it’ll be way easier for you two to sort that guy.” 

“Yeah, but that’s the engineer’s job.” Eddie reiterated. 

“Come on Eddie, I know you like sticking to the rules but Emil’s got a point.” Buck added, “Don’t make me bully you for being autistic again.” He added as a joke, but Eddie didn’t seem amused, not like he usually did. Buck huffed, “Come on Eds, I’m a big boy, I can go up an aerial ladder, come on.” Buck began walking off, ready to get going.

“Eddie?” Bobby stopped him from following Buck with a gentle hand on the shoulder, “What’s really up?” 

The rest of the team had dispersed, getting ready to do their respective roles, “It’s- It’s all too familiar, you know?” He pointed a hand at the man hanging from the extended ladder. Realisation dawned on Bobby’s face, “When I got off of the engine it was like I was there again.” 

Bobby nodded, “Okay, yeah, that makes sense. I’ll keep an eye on him from the ground and if there’s even an extra cloud in the sky I’ll order him down, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Suddenly a voice cut through the gentle hubbub of set, “Hollywood Bob!” 

“Shit.” Bobby hissed. Eddie darted off as soon as he realised who it was, not wanting to get caught up in Brad’s weird obsession with Bobby and needing to get this call over as soon as possible so he didn’t have to keep thinking about then. 

“Hey Brad.” Bobby greeted, doing his best to hide a cringe (yet failing spectacularly). 

Brad pulled him into a massive hug, “Oh, how I have missed you.” 

Bobby patted the other man’s back awkwardly, “Good to see you Brad.” 

Brad pulled back, gripping Bobby’s biceps, he took in a deep breath through his nose, looking absolutely chuffed, “Of course they’d send out LAs finest, I’m so glad you’re here.” 

“Okay, well, uh, can you tell me how this happened?” 

“Ah, so you see,” Brad slung an arm over Bobby’s shoulders, now stood next to the man, “I thought, you know, for authenticity I should be the one to, you know, operate the ladder, give it a bit of this, a bit of that, you know, really get into it, all Uta Hagen and that.” He explained, “So, there I am, moving it about, and it’s all going well, I look proper, I’m authentic, and then, that twat slips and falls. Fucking amature hour, I’m telling you.” 

“Did they catch all of it on film?” Bobby asked, ignoring all of Brad’s ramblings. 

Brad just smiled at him, all big and toothy, “Yeah, wanna see? It’s a real nice wide shot, I took a look whilst we were waiting for you. I really think we could use it, you know, get rid of the bit where that nob falls, obviously, but the beginning will look great.” He gushed, walking Bobby over to where all of the screens were set up.

“Hey Bobby.” Ciaran, the director of photography, greeted. 

“Hey Ciaran.” 

“Show my man here the wide shot of me operating the ladder.” 

“Brad? Can I get you over in makeup?” Marilyn of all people called out, so Brad headed over to her for touch ups. 

“Does he want you to see his ‘proper mint acting’?” Ciaran put on a London accent for the last bit, a pretty decent impression of Brad. 

Bobby chuckled but shook his head, “No, I was the one who asked to see it.” Ciaran looked surprised at that so Bobby expanded, “So I can get a better idea of what damage he might have done.” 

A look of understanding came over the DOP’s face, “Right, makes sense.” 

“Who’s idea was it to let him operate it anyway?” 

“Who do you think?” Ciaran asked, sarcasm leaking from his tone, “He wanted to be an ‘authentic fire captain’. Honestly, since you left he’s been even more off the rails than he was before.” 

Bobby cringed at that, “Sorry.” 

Ciaran let out a bitter laugh, “Don’t apologise, you did the right thing. Honestly if that idiot wasn’t a big name or a producer they would’ve booted him by now.” 

Thankfully for Eddie the stunt actor hadn’t been hurt so they were able to get him down immediately, meaning Eddie was finally able to take a full breath once the tableau of the worst day of his life was over. 

But that didn’t mean he was free from Buck’s concern, “Hey, Eds, what was that all about earlier?” 

“It’s nothing.” He brushed him off, not wanting to talk about it.

Buck scoffed, “It was not nothing, that was definitely something, so what was it?” 

“Seriosuly, it was nothing so can you please drop it.” He snapped. 

“Woah, woah, cool it cowboy, I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay. You had me worried, you never get like that.” 

Eddie tutted, his foot beginning to tap as he crossed his arms, “Look, it was all too familiar, a-and it hit me harder than I would’ve expected.” 

Buck looked baffled at that, “I’m lost, what was familiar?” 

“A man hanging limp from an aerial ladder?” Eddie reiterated, an eyebrow raised.

“What do yo-” And then it hit Buck, “Oh, the lightning strike.” 

Eddie nodded, blinking a few times, breathing deeply, “Yeah.”

“Of course.” Buck then pulled Eddie into a hug, his husband reciprocating, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

Eddie inhaled Buck’s scent, grounding himself in the familiar smokey scent and the warmth of the other man’s skin, reminding himself that the love of his life was alive and safe, “It’s okay, you never saw it, you didn’t know.” 

“Chris is with Mum and Pops tonight for a sleepover, let’s have a night in so I can look after you.” Buck suggested, “I’ll cook us a nice dinner, we can crack out the fancy wine and then watch a movie, your choice.” 

Unfortunately the moment was broken by Ravi speed walking over to them, “Hide me!” Buck and Eddie broke the hug and looked in the direction Ravi had come from, “That’s Marilyn.” He hissed, using the taller men as a shield. 

The pair saw a woman who looked to be in her late-twenties with a cup of coffee in hand, looking in their direction. Buck and Eddie couldn’t hold back a laugh at Ravi’s misfortune. 

That night Buck pulled out all of the stops, the three course meal complex, executed perfectly and tasting fucking fantastic. 

Then, once everything was cleared away, the pair relocated to the lounge, just relaxing and existing together in quiet domesticity as they curled up on the couch together, letting themselves forget the months of hell they’d suffered through at the hands of Gerrard and then the trauma that had been brought to the surface by the Hotshots call earlier that day. 

Although they’d put a movie on the pair weren’t paying any attention to it, instead focused on each other, letting the soundtrack and voices become background noise. 

“We should take a holiday soon.” Buck suggested, giving Eddie a squeeze, “Take Chris somewhere fun, somewhere out of America.” 

Eddie hummed in agreement, “That would be nice, it’s about time we took him somewhere other than Texas to see my parents or the 126.” 

“Kid deserves to see the world. I was thinking maybe New Zealand? Then we can get recommendations from Cat.” 

“Mmm, that’s a good idea.” Eddie leaned up to kiss Buck, “That way we know we’re going to the actual good places.” His voice was mumbled against Buck’s lips, not parting so he could give his husband another kiss. 

“None of that tourist trap shit.” Buck replied, pulling back enough that he could speak clearly before manhandling Eddie so he was on top of him, leaning down to kiss him again. 

From there all discussions of a holiday were shelved, the movie forgotten and beers left unfinished, snacks untouched as they got lost in each other’s bodies. 

Brad turning up at the 118 had been… unexpected, to say the least. And to find out he was shadowing Bobby was… extremely surprising. 

Buck had mixed feelings about the whole thing, sure it was funny watching his Dad flounder but he also knew that Brad would get in the way and just be allround annoying. 

“So Bob Junior.” Brad greeted, clapping Buck on the shoulder, “How’s it going?” 

“I’d really rather you used my name if it’s all the same to you.” Buck said, a strained, polite smile on his face. 

Brad just chuckled, waving him off, “There’s way too many people here for me to remember all of your names, hence Bob Junior.” 

“Well, if you’re shadowing Bobby you’re going to be seeing a lot of me, so you should probably learn my name. It’s Buck, in case you forgot.” So he’d made up his mind; he hated having Brad at the station. 

“Huh, weird first name.” Brad hummed, “Didn’t take Bobby as the kind of guy to give his kid a weird name.” 

Buck merely scoffed and walked off, he had better things to do than indulge Brad’s… Brad-ness. 

The first call with Brad was a nightmare to put it mildly. The man kept trying to insert himself into everything, as if playing a fire Captain on tv for three seasons was the equivalent to going to the fire academy (well, in Brad’s eyes it probably was). He’d been told multiple times to back off but he was clearly ignoring them, saying that he’d been ignoring everyone who wasn’t Bobby anyway, but on this particular topic he was also ignoring Bobby. Apparently the man got ‘over excited’ or some shit. 

And then Brad learnt a very important lesson. 

Cat Bassey was a loud, brash, slender, five foot Kiwi who could lift an extremely impressive amount. Cat Bassey also didn’t appreciate people making assumptions about her strength based on her size and she was extremely loud about it. So when she went to lift a heavy piece of debris on Brad’s third shift with them he had swooped in to take over. 

“I’ve got this little lady.” He said, probably trying to be charming in that misogynistic way only Brits seemed capable of. 

“Fuck off cunt.” She snapped before violently ramming her heel into his toes, taking the debris from him as he was overcome by pain, convinced she’d broken his toes, “Next time I rip your sexist dick off.” Which quickly taught Brad not to fuck with her. Thankfully it all translated in his mind to not fucking with anyone on the 118, becasue if the tiny one could do that there was no telling what the people twice her size could do. 

Unfortunately what that didn’t do was get him to stop trying to help people on his own, so although he wouldn’t step in to ‘help’ the 118 he’d wander off and do his own thing, which was probably even worse. 

It all culminated with him carrying a woman out of a crashed car, and that had been Bobby’s breaking point. 

Buck crouched down next to Brad to clean part of the bumper of the engine, only to hiss in discomfort as he did so. 

“You alright bud?” Eddie asked from where he was sitting on a stool, polishing equipment. 

Buck nodded but let out a small grunt as he settled, “Yeah, leg’s just acting up.” He admitted. 

Eddie nodded, “Okay, let’s swap jobs.” Eddie stood and helped Buck to his feet, helping him over to the stool so he could take the pressure off of his leg. 

“Ah, I know your pain.” Brad chuckled, “I did my knee in on set for this action movie a few years back, never been the same, but I always know when it’s gonna rain.” 

“Yeah, this isn’t quite the same.” Buck told him with a grimace. 

“Well, hey, I know a great osteopath who’ll have you good as new in no t-” Brad was suddenly stopped by Buck rolling his pant leg up and popping his leg off, “Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’.” Eddie bit out. 

“How’d you, uh, y-y-you know, do…” Brad waved a hand around, indicating the general area where Buck’s leg should be. 

“Crush injury.” Buck shrugged, massaging the stump, “Not my worst injury. Well, actually, probably my worst firefighting injury, but not the worst I’ve dealt with in my life.” Buck amended.

“Woah.” Brad’s eyes lit up, “Tell me everything.” 

“We use our please and thank yous in this house.” Eddie scolded, as if talking to Chris. 

Brad looked taken aback for a second, “What did you just say?” 

Buck and Eddie exchanged a look. Mere minutes ago Brad had been downcast, his tail between his legs, because of Bobby’s bollocking, now he was back to the indignant diva. 

Thankfully both Buck and Eddie had had to deal with worse in the military so Brad didn’t scare them. 

“I don’t know what things are like in your world, but here we have manners.” Eddie reiterated. 

“Oh come on, Buck doesn’t mind.” Brad protested.

“I do actually, I mean our six year old has better manners than you.” Buck replied, “Either way, you don’t need the story of my leg. Just go back to cleaning man, the sooner this is done the better.” With that Buck began to methodically work through cleaning the gear. 

“How long are we going to have to deal with that arse?” Buck huffed, leaning against the wall opposite Bobby’s desk, arms crossed. 

Bobby sighed, slumping back in his chair, “God, I don’t know, the sooner he’s gone the better though.” 

“He’s gone from being annoying and in the way to being all mopey and shit.” 

“Yeah, maybe I went too far with that dressing down.” Bobby huffed. 

“Jesus, no, no, what he did was dangerous and stupid, he deserved everything you said and more. If you hadn’t done that he could’ve done so much worse. He’s a fucking idiot, and a dangerous one at that.”

Bobby hummed, “I suppose you’re right.” 

“No matter what happens he’s gonna be annoying and a problem, so he needs to go. But if he’s sticking around then he needs to know the boundaries. I’d say the more dressing downs the better. There were some guys like that when I was training to be a SEAL, they didn’t make it far, but before they went they just got shit from our COs, you know, like, yeah we were dangerous, but we had to be calculated, methodical, that’s why we were dangerous, there was purpose there, intention. But these guys wanted to play the badass hero, they had this image of what it was to be a SEAL and as a result they didn’t follow orders, put us all in dangerous situations, and eventually got booted. That’s exactly what Brad’s doing.” 

That gave Bobby an idea, “He should shadow you.”

Buck paled at that, “What? Seriously?” Bobby nodded, “No way would he let that fly, he wants to learn to be a Captain, I’m not the Captain.” 

“No, but you’re an acting Captain. Besides we’ll sell it to him as the whole ‘you start as a fire fighter then become a Captain’ thing. Have him shadow one of my top guys so he can learn how to be a fire fighter first, all whilst you can do your Clipboard Buck routine with him, whip him into shape.” 

“Seriously Pops?” Buck groaned like a petulant teenager. 

“Yes Buck, that’s an order.” 

“Torrence.” Buck snapped, the whole apparatus bay going silent, everyone but Brad knew the version of Buck that had stepped out of the office and they were all excited to see what was about to happen, “You’re with me today.” 

Brad had the audacity to look indignant, “No can do mate, you’re not the Captain so it ain’t happening.” 

Buck stalked over to him, “You don’t come out of the Academy a Captain, we all start as regular fire fighters, so you can’t be an authentic Captain if you don’t first slog it with us.” Buck then gave him a smug smirk, “Besides, I’m an acting Captain, so I know my shit. So today you are my shadow, you stick to my side until I tell you otherwise, is that clear?” 

Brad scoffed at that, “What? Is this some sort of prank? Did your old man put you up to this?” 

“It was Captain Nash who decided you’d be shadowing me, but this isn’t a prank. So either you’re with me or you’re shadowing Tegan whose turn it is to be man behind today, your choice, what’ll it be?” 

Buck stared at him, an eyebrow raised, waiting for a response. Finally Brad spoke, letting out a mumbled, “You.” 

“Come again?” Buck cupped his hand to his ear, pretending not to hear Brad. 

“You, I want to be with you today.” 

“Good. Your first lesson is how to roll a hose properly.” 

It only took a day of Buck bossing him around for Brad to decide he’d done enough research and was ready to go back to Hotshots much to everyone's relief. 

“So what kind of lab is this?” Buck asked from the back of the engine. 

“Rare infectious diseases." Bobby informed them all, “We’re not taking any risks, alright? We do this by the book because there’s no knowing what’s in that lab or what the fire might have affected.” 

Everyone began taping up their turnouts with duct tape, making sure there was no way anything nasty could get to their skin or infect them. 

“Anyone else got a bad feeling about this?” Ravi asked before ripping the duct tape with his teeth. 

Everyone hummed in agreement, a weird energy settling in the engine, something bad was coming, they could all feel it. 

Chapter Text

Obviously none of them expected the lab to explode, even with the fire there was clearly no risk of a flashover so there was no reason for there to be anything close to that or an explosion.

So when the loud noise rocked through the building Buck momentarily felt like he was back in Afghanistan, and he knew Eddie felt the exact same way. 

And then the door slid shut and Buck couldn’t get back in, he couldn’t get to his people who were trapped in a dangerous lab that was full of horrible ways to kill them. 

He slammed his fists against the glass, trying in vain to get in. 

“Dispatch, there’s been an explosion in the lab, Captain Nash and firefighters Diaz, Wilson and Panikkar are trapped inside. I need access now.” 

There was silence for a moment before Maddie’s voice came out of his radio, “I’m sorry Buck but I can’t get you in there.” 

“Bullshit,” He snapped, “I don’t care what you need to do but get me in there, now!” 

“This isn’t up to me Buck, I physically can’t do it.” She reiterated. 

“You’re always doing stupid shit and breaking rules to help people, so do it again.” He snapped, getting frustrated. 

“Evan, don’t take that tone with me.” She warned. 

“That’s not my name and you know it.” 

“The military have taken control of this Buck, it’s out of my hands.” She explained, ignoring Buck’s last comment. 

Buck didn’t dignify that with a response, instead moving his attention to his people inside the lab, “Cap, how’re you all doing in there?” 

“Not great, kid, but we’re hanging on, don’t worry.” His Dad replied, the pair making eye contact through the glass door, “We’re keeping our PPE on and not planning on doing anything too stupid just yet.” 

“I’d prefer if you didn’t do anything stupid at all.” Buck tried to joke, but there was clear worry undercutting it. 

“No promises, but we’ll do our best.” 

“I’m holding you to that.” The pair nodded at each other in acknowledgment and then Buck turned to leave. 

As soon as he was out of sight Buck took a deep breath, pushing aside his feelings so he could lock in and get his family out of there. 

As soon as he left the lab he was met by hazmat who began getting him out of his turnouts and taking his gear. He went through the motions as quickly as possible before jogging out and down to where the army had set up base. 

He immediately spotted his Mum walking onto the scene so he ran over to her, “Sergent!” 

The use of her rank meant she immediately knew this was a work thing, “Grant, what’s going on.” She could tell he’d slipped into his SEAL headspace so whatever’d happened couldn’t be good.

“They’re trapped in the lab, Cap, Eddie, Ravi and Hen, they’re in the lab and I can’t get in.” He explained, “There was an explosion so God knows if anything was released. They’re in full PPE with BA on but they’ve only got so much oxygen, so they haven’t been exposed yet, but if they run out of air they might not have a choice.” 

“That explains why the military is here.” Athena sighed, looking behind her at the tents that had been erected and soldiers mingling about. 

“I need to talk to whoever’s in charge.” Buck decided, walking off, Athena hot on his tail. A soldier tried to stop them from entering the command tent but Buck and Athena could both be extremely scary people when they needed to be, so they put their game faces on and pushed past. 

As they crossed the threshold the director of the lab, a member of the FBI and the Colonel turned to look at them. 

“You can’t be in here.” Colonel Hartman told them.

Instead of apologising and leaving Buck simply stepped forward, his hand outstretched to shake, “Colonel, Firefighter Grant, I was on the team that are trapped in the lab.” When Hartman didn’t take his hand Buck simply took it back and stood to attention. 

“That still doesn’t give you clearance to be in here. Besides we’ve been in contact with your people, we don’t need you to tell us what’s going on in there.” 

Suddenly the radio crackled to life, Bobby’s voice filling the tent, “Colonel, we’ve had a potential infection in here, firefighter Diaz’s mask shattered so there’s a chance he’s inhaled something. He’s put himself in isolation but the sooner we get out and get him treatment the better.” 

Buck’s stomach dropped, he felt like he was going to be sick, like he needed to scream and cry, but he simply pushed those feelings down with a deep breath. Now wasn’t the time to get emotional, he had to get them out of there. 

“So what are you gonna do to get them out?” Buck demanded.

“You’re not cleared for that information, firefighter Grant.” 

Buck’s head twitched before he walked off, pulling his phone out and making a call. 

The phone was answered after the first ring, “Grant?” 

“Chief- Brad, I need a favour, a big one.” 

“Anything for you kid, you name it, it’s done.” There was full sincerity in his voice, he’d do anything to help Buck out. 

“The 118 has been called out to a lab fire but there was an explosion and it went into lockdown with everyone else inside. The army are here and they won’t tell me shit but it’s a lab that deals with contagious diseases and one of our guys has possibly been infected, Brad- it’s Eddie, and I want to help but even if I can’t I need to at least know what’s happening.” 

“Alright, hang tight Red, I’ll sort this out for you.” There wasn’t even a beat between Buck’s explanation and Venga’s response, Buck was one of his guys, one of his kids, of course he’d help him, no matter what. 

The call ended and Buck was left to wait, to wait and see how much Venga was able to do for him. After ten minutes he got a text from Venga saying ‘I’m getting somewhere, don’t do anything stupid Red’ so he was left to pace and stew, following Venga’s orders. 

As he was waiting, doing his best to be patient, things went from bad to worse, Roz speaking up from her quarantine bubble, “Moira invented a super strain, she took it from two weeks to hours.” Suddenly there was a very real deadline, one that completely threw their timeline out of the window. 

Buck wanted to count, but he couldn’t find any words, he needed Eddie, but Eddie was dying, sealed in a lab. He needed to count.

He opened his phone and pulled up the Wikipedia article he’d been reading earlier that day, locating the word ‘far’ and counting it, calming immediately, slipping back into his military ways. 

He moved over to his texts and sent Venga a message, ‘it’s a super strain, gone from two weeks to mere hours’. 

Thankfully the next bit of news was that there was a vaccine. Buck waited and watched with bated breath as Ravi walked to the freezer that contained it even as the Colonel threatened him with prison. Buck couldn’t be prouder of Ravi, he’d grown from the nervy probie to an extremely skilled firefighter and paramedic who was brave and noble, ready to fight tooth and nail for his family. 

But things got even worse, as if it wasn’t already bad enough. 

The vaccine had been stolen. Hidden in a tumbler and snuck out by the lead scientist, who everyone was now certain set the fire. 

So he sent Venga an update, just in case he hadn’t gotten any information yet and then found a new word to count; ‘cunt’

In all honesty Buck had just expected someone to get a call to tell them to loop Buck in, what he hadn’t expected was for Master Chief Petty Officer Bradly Venga to walk into the tent. 

He saw Venga glance over at him but he made a beeline for the Colonel, as expected.

“Colonel Hartman? Fleet Command Master Chief Petty Officer Bradly Venga, US Navy SEALs.” He introduced himself. 

The Colonel looked confused, “Excuse my lack of a warm welcome but could you please clarify why the Navy have been brought in on my operation.” 

“Well, we heard you had a life saving vaccine on the loose, and when one of our own is involved we like to handle things personally.” He explained, keeping his tone cool and calm. 

“One of your own?” 

Venga finally looked over at Buck, “Firefighter Grant over here is an ex-SEAL,” He then looked back at Hartman, “So when I heard one of my boys was running into hurdles as he tried to do his job, I thought I’d look into it. I’m not here to take over, the lab is all yours, but the location and recovery of the vaccine has been handed over to me and my team.” 

“I don’t think the FBI will be too happy about that.” Hartman quipped. 

Venga smirked at that, “They were not, but it’s out of their hands now.” He then looked at Buck again, “Grant, clock’s ticking, let’s roll out.” 

This was the most hopeful Buck had felt in hours, “Yes sir.” He walked over to Venga and shook his hand before following him out of the tent (as he went he couldn’t stop himself from sending the Colonel a satisfied smirk and a small shrug). 

As soon as they’d stepped out of the tent Venga stopped him, “Now Red, I know you’re going to hate me for this, but I need you to be a professional for me until this is all over, okay?” 

Buck wasn’t sure what he meant by that, “Oookay…?” 

“We can’t do this alone so I’ve had to bring a team in. Fortunately everyone I require was in the state and was able to get here promptly, unfortunately-” 

“-it’s us.” A familiar voice finished, causing Buck to whip around to find Beresford standing with Whitman and Canmoor, the three of them dressed in their civies. 

Venga glared at her, “I thought I told you to wait in the car?” 

Before she could reply Buck spoke, “What the fuck Bradley? You seriously had to bring them?” 

“Look Red, I know you have your issues but there’s no one else I trust with this, and at the end of the day you know I’m right. So just for this I need you to put that aside and work. Once we’ve recovered the vaccine you can go back to hating them, but for now we have to put the mission first, alright?” 

Buck huffed, he knew he was right, even if he did hate it, “Yeah, yeah, okay.” 

“Good, let’s get this show on the road.”

But before they could leave, Athena called out, “Buck, what’s going on?” 

“Mum, this is my old SEAL team from Afghanistan, we’ve been tasked with locating Moira and recovering the vaccine.” He told her. He then softened his voice, so his next sentence was just for her, “I have to save him Mum, even if it means falling into my old ways with my old team.” 

Athena nodded and placed a gentle hand on his cheek, “Stay safe out there.” 

“I will.” He promised, pulling her in for a hug, “We’re the best of the best.” He planted a kiss on the top of her head before he and the team headed off, ready to hunt down Moria. 

“So, that ‘Fleet Command’ at the front of your rank is new.” Buck commented, sending Venga a cheeky grin, ignoring the others who were in the back of the van. 

The man in question chuckled but didn’t take his eyes off the road, “Yup, got promoted five months ago, and I’ve got to say, it’s not too bad. Besides helped me pull a few strings to get us the recovery mission.” 

“Yeah, how did you manage that? I thought you’d just tell Hartman to loop me in.” 

“Say the name Buckley and a fair few people are more than happy to put their neck out there.” 

Buck looked confused at that, “I wasn’t that big of a deal, just a Chief Petty Officer.” 

“Norway.” Was all Venga said, getting a small ‘oh’ out of Buck. 

Eventually they pulled up on Moria’s road but out of sight of the house. The team piled out of the vehicle and then Beresford handed Buck a bullet proof vest, a hand gun and a sniper rifle out of the trunk. 

He slipped the vest on, chucked the rifle on his back and put the hand gun on his hip, pulling it from its holster as soon as it was secured. 

The team got to Moria’s house on foot, not wanting to alert her by parking up right outside. 

Whitman and Canmoor went around the back, ready at the backdoor should she be home and try to make a break for it. Whilst Buck, Venga and Beresford took the front. 

On Venga’s command Buck kicked the front door in and stalked into the house, gun raised and at the ready, Beresford hot on his heels as the pair cleared the house. 

Moira wasn’t home so Venga closed the door to make it look like they hadn’t broken in from a distance whilst Buck hid himself in the bedroom that overlooked the street, rifle aimed and ready should she come home. He wasn’t planning on a kill shot, they needed her alive but a bullet to the knee should make it harder for her to run away. He’d looked her up on the journey over so he knew what his target looked like so he wasn’t at risk of shooting someone innocent who’d come to see what all the commotion was about. 

Buck could hear the others searching the house, calling out to one another as they went. At one point Beresford even came into the room he was in but neither of them acknowledged each other, Beresford knowing better than to distract Buck when he was on watch like he was now. 

Buck’s strong point had never been the whole searching and looking for clues thing, he was muscle, he was the gun, he was the one who was watching out so he could keep the others safe whilst they worked doing whatever it was they needed to do on their mission. So he was more than happy to be hiding out in a room, gun trained on the street so he could shoot a woman’s knees to pieces for potentially killing his husband. 

“Grant, we’re ready to roll out.” Whitman told him, so Buck stepped away from his post, following his team mate out of the house. 

There wasn’t any chatter as they drove to their next location, everyone now fully in their SEAL headspaces, switching off their emotions. In any other situation Buck would find the silence excruciating but right now he was glad for it. 

Buck didn’t know where they were going, but he didn’t need to, he never questioned orders, he just went where he was told to go and did what he was told to do. But he wasn’t surprised when they pulled up outside a high-rise office block that looked like office rental cost more than his mortgage. 

The team marched into the lobby, paying no mind to the security guards or the woman on reception who was calling out to them and telling them they couldn’t go up there without an appointment, Venga waving them off with a ‘Naval business’. 

One of the security guards put a hand on Whitman’s shoulder, the man in question immediately whipped round and punched the man square in the face, the crunch of bone and cartilage the tell tale sign of a broken nose. 

“Hey cool it man.” Canmoor said, Whitman immediately stepped away and followed the rest of the team, not giving the security guard a second thought. Whilst the rest of their team had been promoted over the years, Whitman was the only one still a Petty Officer First Class, being deemed too erratic for any more promotions but too good to get rid of. 

The team made it to the boardroom Moira was believed to be in. Whitman threw the door open and they marched in, guns drawn but not raised. 

“Excuse me, you can’t be in here.” The man at the large table said, looking like he was getting ready to call security. 

“We’ll only be a minute, we’re here for Doctor Blake.” Venga said, voice cold and calm, “Doctor, where is the vaccine?” 

“What vaccine?” She asked with faux innocence. 

“You know damn well.” Buck snapped.

“Stand down Grant.” Venga ordered before turning to Moira. “We’re after the CCHF vaccine you stole. Hand it over and we can make sure you get the minimum time for any charges you are landed with.” 

“I haven’t done anything wrong.” She said with a nonchalant shrug, “Nothing you can prove at least.” 

“We have evidence that you set the fire and as a result a firefighter has contracted your super strain of CCHF, meaning you can be charged with arson and, should that firefighter die, murder.” 

Buck’s hand tightened around his gun at that, he was ready to shoot this woman point blank, and he would should Eddie die. 

“If you let him die you’re taking a disabled six year old’s father away.” Buck told her, “Have some empathy, or if you can’t then at least some sympathy.” 

“I’m truly sorry about that,” She clearly wasn’t, “But they will still have their mother.”

“His mother isn’t in the picture anymore.” He wasn’t going to reveal to this woman that he was Eddie’s husband, it felt like he was giving her ammunition to use against him. 

“Chief.” Beresford called out. They all turned to look at her, stood by the water cooler holding up a tumbler and vial, “Found it.” 

“Canmoor, cuff her.” Canmoor was far more level headed than Whitman, but he didn’t hold back when he cuffed Moira, being a little too harsh with her. 

“Sorry about that sir.” Venga said, clearly not sorry as his team all left, holstering their guns. 

Beresford handed the vaccine over to one of Hartman’s men who took it into the lab so it could be administered to Eddie. A medical team followed so Buck put his turnouts and BA back on and followed them in. 

The relief he felt when the door opened was overwhelming, and once Eddie was finally wheeled out Buck felt like he was going to collapse, but he managed to stay on his feet as he walked alongside the gurney. 

As soon as he’d stepped out into the fresh air he took his mask off and couldn’t stop himself from smiling. 

“Can’t take you anywhere, can I?” Buck joked, looking down at his husband. 

“Just trying to keep you on your feet.” He joked, voice weak but clearly releved. 

Buck chuckled before sobering up, “I can’t come in the ambo, they just want hazmat in there, but I’ll meet you at the hospital, okay?” 

Eddie nodded, “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Hen then followed closely on another gurney, “Hey, how’re you feeling.” 

“Like absolute shit.” She grumbled. 

Buck gave her a crooked smile, “Yeah, I’m not surprised. Athena’s already called Karen, she’ll meet you at the hospital. 

Lastly Bobby and Ravi stepped out side by side. 

“Nice going on breaking the law.” Buck said, a massive grin on his face as he patted Ravi on the shoulder, not hugging him yet as they were all still in their turnouts. 

“It’s what we do, right?” 

“Damn right.” Buck cheered. He then turned his attention to Bobby, “Hey Pops.” 

“Hey, good going out there, I heard you gave the army quite the show.” He chuckled. 

Buck lightly punched his Dads arm, “You know me, I like to be a problem.” 

The three of them were then instructed to remove their turnouts and then headed back down to where the army was still set up. Once they were in the clear, no more risk of spreading a deadly super virus Buck pulled Ravi into a hug, patting him on the back with force, Ravi squeezing back. He then hugged Bobby, ecstatic that his family had made it out alive. 

But as Buck went to get a lift from Athena, Venga called out to him, “Grant.” 

Buck jogged over to him, unsure of what he might want, “Hey, everything alright?” 

“How’re your people?” He asked. 

“Good, they’re going to be fine.” 

Venga patted him on the shoulder, “That’s good to hear, I’m happy for you. But before you can go and see them we need to debrief with the Colonel.” 

Buck groaned loudly, “Do you really need me for that?” 

Venga reluctantly nodded his head, “I’m afraid so.” 

“But I’m not even a SEAL anymore.” Buck protested. 

“No, but you played an active role in the retrieval of the vaccine so you need to be present.” 

Buck groaned loudly, “Fine. Just give me a second to send the others ahead.” 

He went over to Bobby and Ravi who’d been joined by Athena, “Hey guys, I need to stay for a bit to debrief with my guys and the army, you go ahead and I’ll meet you there once I’m done because fuck knows how long this is going to take.” 

“Alright, take care of yourself.” Bobby smiled, pulling him into a hug. 

“Yeah, good luck man, don’t do anything stupid.” Ravi joked, clapping him on the shoulder. 

Athena pulled him into a hug of her own, “Call me if you need anything.” 

“I will, thanks Mom.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and then they all parted ways. 

Buck didn’t actually need to say anything during the debrief, instead he just hung back, leaning against a desk with his arms crossed. He wasn’t interested, he just wanted to get out of there, away from his old team, away from the lab that almost killed his husband. He just wanted to get away and run to Eddie, make sure his husband was okay and then go and get Chris. 

Unfortunately when the debrief ended he still wasn’t out of the shit, his team following him out. 

“Red, wait up man.” Canmoor called out. Buck kept going, “Can we please talk?” 

“Nah, I’m fine thanks.” He snapped. 

“Come on Red, just give us a minute.” Beresford asked, hoping he’d listen to her as they’d been close back in the day. 

Buck finally stopped and turned to them, “That’s not my fucking name, that hasn’t been my name in years.”

“Seriously Buck, can we talk? Clear the air.” 

“No, Jo, we can’t fucking talk, we have nothing to talk about.” 

Beresford stepped towards him, but Buck stepped away from her, “Come on Buck, let us at least apologise.” 

“I think this is a little bit bigger than an apology.” He snarked, “This isn’t some ‘sorry I walked into you’ situation, you can’t just apologise for leaving someone for dead.” 

“Fine, let us explain then.” Beresford tried again. Buck huffed, knowing they weren’t going to give up anytime soon, so he gave them a sarcastic ‘go ahead’ gesture, “You know we were under heavy fire, we were overwhelmed and help wasn’t coming, we were all fighting for our lives out there. And when you got shot you dropped like a sack of potatoes-”

“You should’ve been dead on impact.” Whitman interrupted, “You shouldn’t have been able to survive that-” Canmoor punched Whitman in the arm, “What the fuck Marcus?” 

“Quit being a dick and let Jo finish.” 

“No, no Jo doesn’t need to finish because you all seem to be forgetting the fact that I was conscious the whole time, even as you ran, I was conscious and calling out for help but you ignored me.” 

“If we hadn’t left you we would’ve died too, one dead SEAL’s better than five.” Whitman’s comment had Buck lunging for him, landing a solid punch to the SEAL’s face. 

“Fuck you!” Buck yelled, “Fuck you you cunt faced pig.” 

Whitman threw a punch of his own, landing it solidly on Buck’s jaw, “Don’t you dare call me that, you weak willed piece of shit.” 

Before any more punches could be thrown Venga grabbed onto Buck, holding him back, whilst Canmoor grabbed Whitman, the both of them struggling against their superior officers. 

“You were too chicken shit to come back to the Navy after your head wound,” Whitman yelled, “You’re a coward! You saw an easy way out and you took it!” 

“I was shot in the head! I wasn’t the same after that.” 

“But we all know you were allowed to come back, you were cleared for duty, so why didn’t you? I’ll tell you why, it’s because you’re a fucking pussy.” 

“Stop it!” Venga bellowed, trying to regain some control over the situation. 

“I am not a pussy!” Buck argued back, ignoring Venga, “I left so I could settle down with my boyfriend and start a life together. I left because I didn’t want to be ‘Red’ anymore, just some killing machine who destroyed people for a living. I left because I was ashamed of who I’d become, of who the SEAL’s made me.” 

“You made the choice to become that person,” Whitman bit out, “You chose to turn your emotions off and become the Red Eyed Robot, that was you.” 

Buck managed to break free from Venga’s grip and pulled Whitman out of Canmoor’s, shoving the man up against a nearby wall gripping onto his shirt, “Don’t you dare say that.” He hissed. 

Whitman just smirked, “Same old Red. You really were never the same after Doc, were you?” 

Buck released him only to deck him hard, Whitman slid down the wall until he was sat on the ground, but he was still smiling as he wiped blood from his mouth with a laugh. 

“You wouldn’t be so smug if you’d been through half the shit I’d been through out there. Hell, even if you’d been through half the shit I’ve had to deal with since.” 

“You’ve gone soft,” Whitman mocked as he pulled himself to his feet, “I miss the real Red.” 

“There is no Red anymore.” 

“Are you sure?” Whitman challenged before throwing a punch, but Buck blocked it, throwing one of his own back, but Whitman also managed to block. 

The pair had always butted heads back in the day, but were able to push it aside when they were on a mission. 

As it looked like the pair were about to get into a full on fight the remaining team members got in and pulled them apart again, this time more successfully. 

Buck shrugged Venga off but didn’t make any move to fight Whitman again, just breathing heavily as he pushed the rage down. He pointed a threatening finger at Whitman, “Don’t you dare come near me ever again.” 

“Oh yeah? And what if I do?” Whitman began trying to goad Buck into another fight. 

Buck stalked towards him but no one made to stop him. Buck only stopped when he was towering over Whitman, “I will destroy you, slowly, and I will make you look me in the eyes as I do it.” Buck growled. 

Whitman never knew when to stop, Buck was honestly surprised he hadn’t washed out of training, been dishonourably discharged or killed yet, the man was a loose cannon and a dangerous one at that. So it was no surprise when he smiled up at Buck, “There’s my favourite killing machine.” 

Buck didn’t dignify him with a response, simply punching the man in the liver hard enough he knocked him out. 

Venga gave Buck a lift to the hospital, the others waiting for him at the lab to come back and pick them up. No one wanted Buck and Whitman in the same vehicle so the others were more than happy to wait. 

“Are you alright?” Venga eventually asked, breaking the heavy silence that had settled in the truck. 

Buck let out a non-commital “Yeah.” 

“Come on kid, don’t bullshit me.” Venga sighed. 

Buck took a second before speaking, getting his thoughts in order, “You weren’t there, you didn’t see what happened.” 

“No, but I read the report.” 

Buck let out a bitter laugh, “Yeah, doesn’t quite do it justice.” He clicked his tongue as he thought, “It’s still crazy to me that I was the second highest ranking officer on that team, all because I was really, really good at killing people.” There was another beat of silence, “They could’ve saved me, Brad, but Silva said it ‘wasn’t worth it’, that I was ‘a dead man anyway’, and nobody fought him on it. That’s why I’m mad. Yes, it sucks that they left me, and I’m pissed off about it. But the reason I hate them is because they acted like I was nothing, like I was expendable. You all fought tooth and nail to get me back from Doc when you didn’t know if I was alive or not, but they knew I was alive and they ran whilst making it clear that I was nothing. Silva was a shit CO, I knew I should’ve requested a transfer, another team, another war zone, because I knew he was going to be shit.” Buck clicked his tongue, taking a breath, “Sorry, I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead.”

“You’re not wrong.” Venga assured him, “I also thought Silva was a crap CO, I fought for it to be you instead of him.” 

Buck’s head snapped around to look at him, “Me?” 

“You were the strongest on my team, by a long shot. You had what it took to lead that team, hell, you still have what it takes to lead that team.”

“If that’s your way of trying to get me to come back it’s not going to work.” Buck joked with a weak chuckle. 

Venga shrugged, giving him a lighthearted, “Worth a try.” 

They yet again fell back into silence. Buck watched the world whizz by until they eventually arrived at the hospital, “Alright, here we go kid, look after yourself and call me if you need anything, and I mean anything, ever.” 

“Thanks Brad, I appreciate you having my back.” Buck said before climbing out of the car.

“I meant it when I said we like to handle things personally when one of our own is involved, but by ‘we’ I meant ‘me’ and that ain’t changing.” The pair smiled at each other, “Now scram, off you go, you’ve got a husband to see.” 

“Yes sir.” Buck gave him a small, light hearted salute before he walked into the hospital. 

As soon as he entered the waiting room he spotted Bobby, Ravi and Athena sitting together. They all spotted him immediately, their eyes immediately going to the bruise on his jaw that was already starting to form. 

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Ravi was the first to speak as Buck came and sat with them. 

Buck waved them off, “Yeah, yeah, all good, just got into an argument with Whitman.” 

“An argument that involves fists?” Athena tutted, although the worry was still plain as day. She gently took his chin in hand and used it to turn his head as she inspected the bruise. 

“Eh, we’ve had worse.” He shrugged, “This was pretty tame for us actually.” 

“Tame?” Athena gasped, “Do I need to send someone to arrest him?” 

“Seriously, it’s not a big deal, he was being an arse and we both needed to get it out of our systems, it was mutual. Besides, I also might have thrown the first punch.” He cringed, “But, in my defense-” He continued before anyone could speak, “-he did say that ‘one dead SEAL’s better than five’, and in that scenario I was the ‘one’. So he deserved it.” Buck then suddenly changed the topic, “So, when can we see Hen and Eddie?” 

“They’re being kept in quarantine for now, just so they can make sure they’re not still infectious.” Bobby told him, “But you should be able to head back and see him from afar.” 

It wasn’t long before Buck was allowed to visit Eddie, a nurse leading him through a maze of corridors until they made it to his room. Unsurprisingly the whole room was wrapped in plastic, Eddie being kept in quarantine just to be safe. 

“Hey Bubble Boy.” Buck greeted with a cheeky grin, “How’re you feeling?” 

Eddie let out a weak chuckle, “Better now that you’re bullying me, Aquaman.” Buck stuck his tongue out at his husband before pulling a chair over and sitting down. Eddie’s eyes suddenly went wide, “Shit, what happened to your face?” Buck brought his hand up to his jaw, hissing as he touched the bruise, his object permanence was shit so he’d completely forgotten about the bruise and that it would hurt. Eddie rolled his eyes fondly, “Careful bud, we don’t touch our ouchies, remember?” Buck couldn’t stop himself from grinning as Eddie jokingly spoke to him as if speaking to their son, “You walk into a door with your face again?” 

“I, uh,” Buck awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, looking away from Eddie, “I may have gotten into a fight.” 

Eddie clicked his tongue in disappointment, “Seriously Buck? A fight?” Eddie shook his head as he let out an exasperated sigh, “What, when, where, why and how?” 

“So you know the Army rocked up?” Eddie nodded, “Well, they wouldn’t tell us anything so I called up Venga.” 

“Oh Buck, come on man.” 

“Just hear me out, okay? I just thought, ya know, he’d escalate it so one of his higher ups would tell the Colonel to loop me in, that was all. But then Venga himself walked into the command tent and it turns out he’d gotten the FBI removed from retrieval of the antidote, instead he’d brought a team in, my team in, and he took me with them.” Eddie sat up on the bed, crossing his legs as he listened to Buck, “And we got the antidote, the only casualty was a security guard that Whitman punched in the face, unnecessarily hard but the guy had grabbed his shoulder and we were so close to the antidote. But other than that it was smooth sailing, ya know, we got the antidote, got Moira, we saved you, it was perfect. But I had to stay behind to debrief…” Buck huffed, looking up at the ceiling briefly as he gathered his thoughts, “They wanted to talk, to apologise and explain, you know… that. But Whitman and I got into a bit of a fight and he punched me.” 

“Did you hit him back?” 

Buck nodded, “Two to the face, one to the liver, knocking him out.” 

Eddie looked satisfied at that, “Good man.” 

Buck then cringed, “I, uh, I may have actually thrown the first punch.” 

“Well, at least you won it, I guess.” 

The pair sat in that for a moment before Buck changed the topic, “How’re you feeling?” 

“Like I almost died.” Eddie said with a morbid chuckle. 

“Yeah, Mum said it was pretty touch and go there for a while.” Buck let out a small huff, “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you.” 

“Don’t be, I mean, the fact that you were outside was probably the thing that saved my life.” 

Buck shrugged, wrapping his arms around himself, “Still, I wish I’d been there so I could’ve looked after you. I mean, I- if you’d died and I hadn’t been there… I’d never forgive myself.” 

“God, I wish I could grab you and shake some sense into you right now.” Eddie groaned, “You’re lucky that there’s a plastic wall between us.” 

“If the roles had been reversed-”

“I wouldn’t have been anywhere near as useful as you were, you would’ve probably died.” 

“But you’d still feel bad about not being there.” Buck jabbed. 

Eddie hummed in affirmation, “Yeah, but I’d also know I was giving you a better chance of surviving, that’s the important part.” 

Buck nodded, “Yeah, yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

“Of course I’m right,” Eddie joked, “I’m always right.” 

“Where’s Daddy?” Chris asked, sitting at the kitchen table colouring whilst Buck made a start on dinner. 

“He, uh, he’s had to take an emergency trip for work.” They’d decided not to tell Chris about what had happened; there'd been enough tragedy in their family to last them a lifetime and they didn’t want to add yet another near death experience to their family’s long, long list. So they’d decided to tell him that Eddie had to go away for an emergency, it was wildfire season so if Chris asked for details they were going to tell him that he and Hen had been sent down to Texas again, as it was an easy explanation for their absences whilst they recovered in hospital. 

“Oh, but he didn’t say goodbye.” Chris sighed, looking sad. 

Buck’s heart shattered so he went and crouched down next to his son who’d turned to face him, “I know bud, but it was a really big emergency and he had to run off whilst you were at school. But he’ll be home soon, I promise.” 

“Yeah?” Chris sounded hopeful with a tentative smile on his face. 

Buck nodded, “Yeah, I pinky promise.” He held his hand out, pinky finger raised. Chris mirrored him and the pair wrapped their fingers together, “And remember, pinky promises are sacred.” 

“We don’t break them.” Chris finished for him. 

“Exactly.” Buck took his hand back and placed a kiss to the top of Chris’ head, “He’ll be home soon.” 

It took a week but Eddie was finally home, getting the all clear from the doctors, and Buck couldn’t be happier. The uneasy feeling that always made itself at home in his chest when he and Eddie were parted for long periods of time dissipated and his world returned to normal. 

“Daddy!” Chris squealed, just as happy as Buck to have him back. 

“Hey buddy.” Eddie greeted, lifting Chris up into a massive hug, “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Missed you too!” Chris parroted, “Baba said you went on a work trip.” 

“I did.” Of course Eddie knew his alibi, the whole thing having been planned out meticulously, “There was a really big fire in Texas that me and your aunty Hen went to help with. But it’s all better now.”

“Why did you have to go that far for a fire?” 

“You know how sometimes the forest catches fire and it’s really, really bad?” Chris nodded, “Well, that can happen in Texas too, and when it’s bad enough they bring in fire fighters from all over the country to help.” 

“Did you see Uncle Carlos and Uncle TK?” Although they didn’t see the 126 often the Texas fire fighters had carved out a space in their family. 

“No, I was in a different part of Texas to them.” 

“Oh, did you see Nana and Grandpa?” 

“No, I went to Dallas so didn’t get the chance.” It was best to not lie about seeing family in case it came back to bite them in the arse, hence the use of a place where they didn’t know anybody. 

“Are we seeing them soon though?” They didn’t have much contact with Eddie’s parents anymore, they’d gone low contact after their last visit, so they were usually limited to birthday and Christmas cards. But Chris didn’t fully understand the situation, he hadn’t even been given the full story, all he knew was that they hadn’t seen his Grandparents in a year. 

Eddie made eye contact with Buck over Chris’ head, he then looked back down at their son as he tried to find the right words.

Thankfully Buck stepped in, “We’re going to try but we don’t know how soon we’ll be able to, we’re all very busy and organising a get together is really tricky.” They couldn’t tell Chris the truth, he was too young for that, and they didn’t want to paint them in a bad light in case they miraculously changed their ways. But knowing that Chris was going to keep pushing the topic, Buck redirected his attention, “Hey Chrissy Boy, why don’t you show Daddy the drawings you were doing earlier?” 

Chris wriggled out of Eddie’s arms and led him through to his room as he began to talk excitedly. 

Buck hung back, giving Eddie and Chris some alone time, instead busying himself with odd jobs around the house. 

After dinner the three of them settled on the couch, Chris sandwiched between his Dads as they watched Cinderella together. 

In true Buck and father fashion Buck fell asleep half way through, only to claim he’d been awake the whole time, just resting his eyes, when Eddie nudged him. 

By the time the credits rolled around both Buck and Chris had fallen asleep in identical positions. Eddie found it funny that even though Buck wasn’t Chris’ biological father and he and Maddie didn’t look alike Chris was still, somehow, the spitting image of Buck. 

He supposed the similar mannerisms came from all the time Buck had spent with Chris when he was very young, his two stints as a stay at home Dad having a large impact on how their son had developed. 

Eddie loved how Chris was a mini Buck, it made him insanely happy, his two favourite people in the whole wide world were the spitting image of one another. 

But as much as Eddie loved watching the two of them together, he and Buck weren’t as young as they used to be, and lying like that would no doubt wreck Buck’s neck, so he had to reluctantly wake his husband up and take Chris off to bed. 

When Buck walked into the station with Eddie he didn’t notice it at first, but people were avoiding him, turning the other way and speeding off. 

So when he did realise he was extremely confused. 

“Hey Eddie, do I smell bad?” He asked, lifting his arm and sniffing. 

“Why?” Eddie looked over at him from where he was sitting at the kitchen counter flicking through a magazine as Buck made them both coffee. 

Buck huffed as he ran through everything in his head, “Feels like people are making an effort not to be around me.” 

Eddie looked around but didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, “I think you’re fine, bud.” 

Buck didn’t look convinced but tried to push it out of his mind, but it was hard when he saw Sess and Cairney walking into the loft, only as soon as they spotted Buck their eyes went wide and all colour drained from their faces. The pair of them turned in unison and scurried back down that stairs. 

“See, that was weird, right?” Buck waved in the general direction of where Sess and Cairney had been. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie hummed, looking confused, “Weird.” 

As Buck finished up making the coffee, putting Eddie’s down in front of him, Bobby appeared  at the top of the stairs, “Buck? You got a minute?” 

“Uh, sure thing Cap.” 

Buck left his coffee on the table and followed Bobby downstairs and into his office only to be greeted by Chief Alonzo and Venga, which confused him greatly. Venga was sat in Bobby’s desk chair whilst the Chief stood off to his side. Buck took one of the seats on the other side of the desk, Bobby taking the one next to him. 

“Firefighter Grant.” Venga greeted, nodding at his old subordinate. 

“Fleet Command Master Chief Petty Officer Venga.” He replied, returning the nod, “Chief Alonzo.” 

“Firefighter Grant.” 

“Excuse me for asking but, uh, what’s all of this about.” 

“You are aware there is footage of Norway, correct?” Venga began, straight down to business. 

“Yes sir.” Buck reapplied with a nod. 

“And you remember me telling you there was a potential mole in the Navy who was leaking information.” 

“Yes sir, I do.” 

“They’ve made the footage public. And you are identifiable.”  

Buck’s face dropped. Norway had been his first mission and he’d been in a dark place. Training had broken him down into pieces and glued him back together as an emotionless killing machine, it was actually where he’d earned the nickname ‘Red’ in the first place. 

He’d also tried to get in contact with his parents and Maddie so he could tell them he was being deployed and say goodbye, but he couldn’t get through to any of them. So he let himself fall further into ‘Red’ so he didn’t have to think about them. 

So Buck became scary and brutal because that’s all he had left. 

But this explained why people were avoiding him (because he was certain they were avoiding him now), they were scared of him. 

“You’re here to tell me I can’t be a firefighter anymore, aren’t you?” He said, moving his attention to Chief Alonzo. 

“Not quite.” He replied, “We’re putting you on paid leave until this blows over.” 

“Becasue I can’t work with a team that is scared of me or help victims who see me as some killing machine.” 

“You’ll come back kid,” Bobby reassured him, “I promise, you’ll come back.” 

“This is a fucking nightmare, this is what I’ve been trying to avoid for years.” Buck ran his hands down his face, “Do we know who did it?” 

“Not yet,” Venga replied, “But we’re looking into it.”

“Good, good.” Buck mumbled, nodding to himself. He cleared his throat and looked around at the other men in the room, “So, what do I do now?” 

“You go home and you spend time with your boy. You need to look after yourself right now, more than ever.” Bobby told him, placing a gentle hand on his son’s knee, “Come over for dinner tonight, okay?”

Buck gave him an appreciative, tight lipped smile, “Thanks Pops.” 

“Go and talk to Eddie and then head home, okay? And then we’ll see you at six.” 

Buck stood with a nod to Bobby before shaking hands with the Chief and Venga. He squeezed Bobby’s shoulder and then walked out of the office. 

Now that he knew exactly what had happened he could feel people’s eyes on him and see them shying away. 

Buck made a beeline to Eddie who was still at the kitchen counter, “Hey, what was that about?” His husband asked before taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Yeah, uh, c-can we talk in private?” Buck asked, eyes darting around the empty loft. 

Eddie nodded so the pair headed to the bunk room that was also empty, everyone either in the apparatus bay or the roof, actively trying to stay away from Buck (other than Ravi and Hen who were out on a simple medical call that had only required the ambo). 

“So, what’s going on?” Eddie asked, crossing his arms as he leant up against the wall. 

“There’s been a leak.” Was all Buck said, so Eddie raised an eyebrow at him, clearly having no clue what he was on about. Buck began to pace for a second as he tried to find the words. But once he’d finally figured out what to say he sat on the end of the bed opposite Eddie. “So you know how I say everything is classified?” Eddie nodded, “Well, some of it just got declassified, and it wasn’t the Navy’s choice.” 

“Meaning…?” Eddie prompted. 

“I wasn’t solely stationed in Afghanistan, my first mission was in Norway. And Norway is the reason I’m so cautious nowadays, you know, keeping my socials private, avoiding news cameras, you know. Because Norway is highly classified people will go to all sorts of lengths to learn about it. I-it was major, but I was third class, I was just there as muscle a-and-” He took a deep breath, “I was only told the basics, b-but-” Buck began to tear up, looking away from Eddie with a sniffle. 

“Buck, if this is hard you don’t need to tell me.” 

“No, no, I do, I need you to know.” He took another deep breath, “I wasn’t the person you know now, not even the person you knew in Afghan. I- I was worse. Joining the SEALs took everything from me, my parents wouldn’t speak to me, Maddie wouldn’t speak to me, I didn’t really have friends back home but the ones I did just disappeared. I didn’t have anything, and the Navy knew that and they abused it. They pushed me further than my classmates, because they knew I would do anything to feel needed. So they took Evan Buckley and they tore him apart, bit by bit, cell by cell, until they could rebuild him into a monster. That’s where Red came from, he’s what came out the other side of training. So obviously when they needed to send someone who was willing to go the extra mile they sent me. 

“It was- it was brutal, deaths on both sides, not all of them were even necessary, a lot of them I did just because I could.” Buck wrapped his arms around himself and hunched over as a sob ripped its way out of him. Eddie took a step forward to comfort him, “Please don’t.” Buck whispered, “I can’t have you near me whilst I tell you this.”

“Okay.” Eddie sat on the bed opposite Buck instead, offering silent support. 

“The whole mission is recorded, a-and someone’s leaked it. And you can identify me in it.” 

“Have you seen the footage?” 

Buck shook his head, “Not yet, but everyone’s reactions are telling enough.” Buck dropped his head into his hands, “They’re scared of me Eddie. That’s why everyone is avoiding me and running away, they’re scared.” He dropped his hands and looked up at Eddie, his eyes misty with unshed tears. “I’m sorry Eddie, I’m so, so sorry.” The tears broke free, his face immediately soaked as he sobbed. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Eddie assured him. 

“But I do. I’m a monster Eddie, and I hid that from you. I let you love me and we had a son together but I lied to you, because I didn’t let you see who I was.” 

“Hey, hey, you didn’t lie, I’ve seen Red in all his glory before, remember?” Eddie gave him a small, sad smile as he tried to reassure the other man. 

But that didn’t reassure Buck, instead he just clicked his tongue and wiped his face with the back of his hand, “I’d mellowed by then, even after…” His hand went to the initials branded on his pelvis, “I thought I was rid of that version of me, but he’s come back and ruined my life all over again. No matter how much I want to shake him, he won't stop coming back to hurt me.” 

“Hey, I don’t care about who Red was, you’ve grown past him and I am so proud of you.” 

“You won’t be proud once you see what I did.” Buck mumbled, unable to look Eddie in the eye. His fingers danced across the burn scar again, “Doc, the man who took me hostage, he called himself Doc. He wanted to find out about Norway so he tortured me in the most horrific ways for three months. My team killed him when they rescued me, but I’m still scared he’s out there, or that someone like him will want to finish what he started. The information I know… it’s big and it’s potentially world ending.” Buck ran his hands down his face, “Only thirty-five people know anything about it, and there were only twenty of us on the six month long mission, nine of whom are dead. It was top secret, it still should be, but someone decided to leak it.”

“So what does this mean for you?”

Buck sighed, his shoulders slumping, “I’m on paid leave, they don’t think the team will be able to work with me whilst they’re scared of me.” 

“Bobby said that?” Eddie looked shocked, there was no way Buck’s dad would sideline him that quickly. 

But Buck shook his head, “No, Chief Alonzo and Venga were in there, it was their call, Pops has no choice but to follow their orders.” 

It was at the two week mark that Bobby came around with an offer.

“So, a position as LAFD liaison came up at dispatch.” Bobby said, “Look I know Maddie is there, but it’s the only position that’s near here with the LAFD. You’d be in your own office, and wouldn’t need to interact with her at all to do your job. You’d probably pass her in the halls or see her in the break room at most, the rest of the time you don’t need to be anywhere near each other.” 

Buck didn’t look fully convinced, “It’s that or stay home doing nothing all day, right?” 

“Pretty much.” Bobby said, trying to hide his cringe. 

Buck huffed out a sigh, “Well, I guess I’ll have to do it, not much choice really.” 

His first day at dispatch… wasn’t great. Maddie was on the day shift and the moment she saw him she sent him a death glare before changing her route so she didn’t have to go near him. 

Buck scuttled after her anyway, “Maddie!” He called out, following her into the breakroom but she didn’t turn to look at him, merely dumping her bag before going to pour herself a cup of coffee, “Now that we’re working with each other, could I maybe take you out for coffee, so we can clear the air.” 

“No.” She picked up her mug and went to leave, turning her back to him. 

“Please, I just want to know what’s going on with you.” 

She stopped but didn’t turn to look at him, “I don’t know what happened to you in Afghanistan, but you are not the boy I raised. And seeing that footage…” She finally turned to him, the anger was clear in her eyes, “I don’t even recognise you anymore. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before, that I let you back into my life, that I let you near my daughter, when you are a dangerous, dangerous man. You’re some warped imitation of the boy I raised, a knock off Evan Buckley.”

“I’d never hurt you, or Jee, or anyone, I swear!” He was practically begging, wanting his sister to see him and understand, “Please Maddie, I’m not that person anymore.” 

“What about Jeffery?” It felt like a blow to the gut, the wind knocked out of him. 

He stood in stunned silence for a second, the whole of dispatch having gone quiet, “That was different.” He finally managed to say. 

“Was it? I saw it on the news, you shot his finger off and then shot him in the lung.” 

“I-I didn’t want to kill him, but I was protecting my family.” 

Maddie scoffed loudly, “You didn’t want to kill him? You didn’t want to? Bullshit! When I got back Howie told me it was you who did it, he told me about how you were a cold, calculated killer, how shooting his finger off was a threat, that you didn’t need to kill him, that he’d already told you everything you needed to know, that you left him to drown in his own blood as you simply walked away like it was no big deal. I didn’t want to believe him, I didn’t want to believe any of what he told me, because you were my baby brother, but that footage just solidified it for me. You really are a monster Evan Buckley.” 

“I know.” He whispered, a single tear dribbling down his face, “I know I am. And I hate that I did that, I hate who I was, who I become as soon as I have a gun in my hand, or need to protect my family, I hate who the SEALs made me and that I can’t stop reverting back to that. I hate that man with a burning passion and I wish I could erase him from my very being, but I can’t, I’m stuck with him.”

Maddie clicked her tongue in disappointment, “Can’t even take accountability for it, typical.” She slowly scanned him with her eyes, taking in the scars on his face and arms, before huffing and shaking her head, “I’ve got work to do.”

As she turned and stepped away Buck spoke in the hopes of stopping her, “Maddie, ple-”

She stopped walking, turning her head enough that Buck could see her profile, “Just so you know, we’re expecting our second child, so I don’t want you anywhere near me or my family, is that clear?” 

Buck was taken aback by that news, he hadn’t been expecting it in the slightest. But before he had time to process it and respond Maddie was gone, sitting down at her desk and putting her earpiece in. 

“She really said that?” Eddie looked horrified as Buck explained his run in with Maddie.

Buck let out a sarcastic laugh, “Yep, so it looks like dispatch is going to be fun.” 

Eddie stepped behind Buck and wrapped his arms around his husband, “This isn’t forever, you’ll be back at the 118 in no time, Bobby’s going to make sure of it.” 

“He’s actually asked me to come in and start helping with cooking when I’m not working so people see me around and hopefully stop being scared of me.” 

Eddie hummed, placing a kiss to Buck’s cheek, “That’s a good idea. Besides, I miss having you with me at work, so it’ll be good to have you back at the station, however briefly.” 

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to being back home.” 

The first time he cooked at the 118 was awkward to say the least. Obviously Hen, Ravi, Bobby and Eddie were fine with him, they all knew him extremely well so, even after watching the footage, they had never been scared of him. But the rest of A-shift were a different story. 

When Buck would visit there’d be attempts to avoid him; people refusing to make eye contact, walking in the other direction, some of them had even refused to eat his cooking until he had taken a few bites himself. 

But as the weeks went on people began to relax. 

Buck had remained his cheerful and chirpy self throughout, proof that he was still the same guy who was always joking around, no longer the killer that was in the leaked footage. But it was slow going, often having good days and bad days depending on what the calls had been like and how tired everyone was. 

So Buck took the bad days with a pinch of salt and the good ones with a spring in his step. 

With each visit he got more and more hopeful that he’d finally be allowed back, the tension in the station easing bit by bit. 

Even if they weren’t fully there yet there’d been a lot of progress in three months.

Buck answered the door to find May stood on the other side, looking uncertain. 

“Hey, what’s up?” 

“Can I come in?” She asked. 

Buck immediately stepped out of the way, “Of course. Do you want anything to drink? Tea, coffee, water?” He led her through to the kitchen, May following closely behind. 

“Yeah, coffee would be good.” Buck began to busy himself with the drinks whilst May sat at the table. 

Eddie was at work and Chris was at a friends, neither of them due home for another few hours, so the pair had the house to themselves. 

Once the drinks were ready Buck placed them down on the table and sat opposite May, “So, talk to me, what’s going on?” 

May sighed, looking into her mug as she collected her thoughts, “I- Well, when I first joined dispatch it was so I could have Mum’s back, you know, look out for her after everything that had happened, and I ended up really loving it, so when UCLA said they wouldn’t be able to hold my place any longer it ended up being a difficult decision between the two.” She finally took a sip of her drink before continuing, “I think I might have made the wrong choice.” 

Buck cocked his head at her, “Yeah? Why’s that?” He asked, prompting her to verbalise her thought process. 

“I thought I was going to love it, a-and at first I did, I was enjoying it, but the more I do it, the more of a chore it becomes.” She explained. 

“Studying law is a big thing May, it’s not always going to be fun and games, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know, but I’ve been feeling like this for ages now, and it feels like each day the feeling of wrongness just gets worse.” 

“So leave.” Buck said with a shrug. 

May huffed out a breath, “It’s not as easy as that though, Mum and Dad were so proud when I got in and I don’t want to disappoint them.” 

“You’re not going to disappoint them May, they’ll be proud of you no matter what. They wouldn’t want you to do all that work only to hate your job. Besides, Mum did the exact same thing.” 

May let out a breathy chuckle at that, “Right, of course.”

“Do you know what you want to do instead?” Buck asked before taking a sip of his own coffee. 

“Well, I want to keep helping people, and I did think about going back to dispatch, but I want to be more hands-on. I was thinking about maybe joining the LAFD as a paramedic.” 

Buck’s face lit up with a massive grin, “Fuck yes May! You’d be awesome at that!” 

She smiled at him shyly before hiding behind her mug, “You think?” 

“I know.” He corrected, “You’re smart, you’ve got a lovely personality and a calming energy but you can also hold your own. I think the LAFD would be lucky to have you.” 

“Thanks, that means a lot.” 

They fell into a comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company as they drank their coffee. But eventually May broke the silence, “Have they said when you can go back to the 118?” 

Buck sighed, “Not yet, but we’re making progress, we’re getting there, slowly.” 

“So hopefully not too much longer at dispatch?” 

Buck groaned loudly, “God, I’m so ready to get out of there. I’ve been begging Pops to find me literally anywhere else, because I am losing my mind there.” 

“And how’s things with Maddie?” Buck let out a singular, bitter ‘ha’. “Still not talking?” 

“As if whatever Howard said to her hadn’t ruined our relationship enough, me being a cold blooded killer really sealed the deal, she hates me.” 

“Surely she understands that you were just doing your job, right? Just like the rest of us do.” 

Buck sighed as he collected his thoughts, “When she returned from Boston we were still in contact, seeing each other fairly frequently, and, you know, she was there for the important things; birthdays, hospitalisations, but we were drifting apart. And the longer and longer she’d been back the more distant she became, the more our lives diverged; she got back together with Howard, she brought her parents back into her life, she got engaged, with each thing I became less and less a member of her family and more and more some guy she grew up with. And now I’m the guy at work she doesn’t like.”

“What the fuck did Howard even say to her?” 

Buck shrugged, “I still don’t know, no one other than Maddie does.” He took another sip of his coffee, “Did you know she’s pregnant with her second child.” 

“Oh, wow. Do you know how she’s feeling about it?” 

“Josh said she was feeling good, excited. She was saying it’s her third kid so she’s an expert at this point.” 

“Her third kid, not her third pregnancy, her third kid? Do you think she… you know.” 

“I’m scared she’s started to see it that way but I don’t think so. I’m just worried her parents have been influencing her with this all, they’ve always seen her as Chris’ mother so what if they’ve been able to convince her of that?” 

“But she signed away maternal rights, right?” 

Buck nodded, “But with the Norway footage and Eddie’s job as a firefighter, if the Buckley’s and the Han’s play their cards right, we could be deemed unfit fathers and have Chris taken away from us. And then they could swoop in and take him. He’s young enough that if he went to live with them now, Eddie and I would be nothing more than a dream by the time he’s in his early teens.” 

“You may no longer get on but she’s not that evil, right?” 

“But it wouldn’t be about her taking Chris from us, it would be about giving him a ‘better home’ with his biological mother.” Buck sniffled before letting out a small cough, “But that’s not on the cards yet, so let’s not focus on it.”  

Buck laid on the bench, lowering the barbell to his chest before pushing it back up. 

“I just don’t get it,” He grunted, looking up at Eddie who was spotting him, “They’ve known me for years, they know what I’m like, but they’re still scared of me.” 

“Hey, we’re getting there bud, but most of these guys haven’t seen the things we have. To us that’s just what it’s like when you’re deployed.” Eddie reminded him, “It’s not like the movies, but that’s their only point of reference.” 

“Have you seen the footage yet?” Buck asked with another grunt, raising the bar again. 

Eddie let out a small huff, “I have.” He admitted. 

“What do I look like?” Buck still hadn’t watched the footage, he didn’t need to, he’d lived it. 

“You look…” Eddie had to choose his words carefully, “You don’t look like you.” He eventually settled on, “It’s- God, what’s that term? You were talking about The Polar Express and the animation.”

“Uncanny valley?” Buck suggested. 

“Yes, it felt uncanny valley. Like it was your face, but it wasn’t you. I didn’t see Buck behind those eyes.” Eddie reached down and helped Buck put the bar back on the stand, allowing Buck to sit up, “You looked competent and calculated, you clearly knew what you were doing and how to handle yourself, but not in the way you are now, it was darker.”

“But you’re not scared of me?” Buck asked, looking up at Eddie with wide, pleading eyes. 

Eddie sat down next to him, “Of course not, it’s like I said, it was your face but not you. I know you’ve changed since then, that you’ve mellowed, that you’re softer and kinder than you were during that period. What matters is the real version of you, the version that I know, and I know that you only get close to that when you’re protecting those you love. I know that I have nothing to fear because you are the love of my life and will use those skills to protect our family.” Eddie put a comforting hand on Buck’s shoulder, “The 118 will figure that out soon enough, you just need to keep being you, okay?” 

Buck gave him a tight lipped smile before standing, prompting Eddie to stand and adjust the weights on the bar so it was a little bit lighter than what Buck had been lifting. 

“Weakling.” Buck joked, sending Eddie a cheeky wink. 

Eddie laughed at him, knowing Buck was taking the piss as they’d done this routine before. Besides they both knew Eddie could lift an extremely impressive amount, Buck was just ridiculously strong, “We can’t all be power lifters.” 

“Not with that attitude.” 

Eddie laid down on the bench and lifted the bar off of the stand, “Shut up and spot.” 

The storm that was raging outside was massive, Buck wouldn’t be surprised if it led to flooding or a landslide. But part of him felt unsettled, phantom lightning making his hairs stand on end. 

He’d done everything he could to keep himself busy; brunch with his Mom and May, helping May go over fire science for the academy, and house work. But it was a Saturday and Chris was at a friend's house for the day, so he didn’t have work or his son to keep him occupied (Buck hated having a 9-5, he was not built for it). 

Thankfully Bobby texted him, asking if he wanted to come to the station and help with dinner so Buck jumped at the opportunity and rushed over. 

All of the shutters were down to keep the weather out so he slipped in through the back door and then entered the loft to find Hen, Bobby, Eddie and Ravi at the kitchen island. A few others were hanging around at the tables and on the couches, and for once the atmosphere in the room didn’t shift when he arrived, he still didn’t get an overly warm welcome but there were nods of acknowledgement from a few of the firefighters. 

“Hey guys.” Buck grinned, joining his family by the stove. 

He got warm welcomes and hugs from them all, the group having been the only ones who hadn’t gotten weird around Buck when the footage came out, his inner circle having supported him through all of it, just like they always did. 

Eddie stood and pulled Buck into a hug, the pair sharing a chaste kiss before Buck rounded the counter so he was next to Bobby, immediately falling into their usual cooking flow, working together effortlessly. 

The loft was filled with a relaxed atmosphere as everyone chatted, filling Buck in on that shift’s calls whilst he updated them on May’s progress at the academy. 

But eventually food was eaten, finished and cleared away, “Alright, I’m off for a shit.” Buck declared standing and leaving to a round of groans, getting a ‘we don’t need to know the details’ out of Ravi as if the station weren’t extremely open about things like this. 

Buck flipped him off and then disappeared down the stairs. 

It was as Buck was washing his hands that he heard a commotion break out, the sound of unfamiliar voices yelling and a series of gun shots. 

Buck was immediately on alert because the sounds definitely weren’t coming from the tv. He crept out of the bathroom and made his way to the apparatus bay, as he scanned the open space he could see the shutter controls were smoking and full of bullet holes, whilst the door he’d used earlier was barricaded. 

There were four masked men (Buck tried not to scoff at how cliche they looked), all of them armed with hand guns, nothing fancy, nothing Buck hadn’t dealt with before. They’d corralled everyone at the back of the apparatus bay away from anything they could use as a weapon. 

Thankfully they hadn’t spotted Buck yet and he was right by the engine which was full of all sorts of things he could easily use as a weapon. Sure, it wouldn’t get him back in the 118’s good books, he’d just scare them more, but he didn’t give a shit anymore. He’d do anything for his family, and if that meant terrifying them then so be it, he’d just transfer to another station, so long as they were safe. 

Buck crept over to the engine and quietly opened up the compartment that contained the axes. He grabbed one but didn’t close the door, worried it would make too much noise and give away his position. 

As he got ready one of the men was yelling, demanding… “Don’t lie to me! Tell me where the fuck Chief Petty Officer Evan Buckley is!” Shit. 

“I’m not lying, he doesn’t work here anymore.” Bobby said, keeping his voice calm and level. 

“He does! The last mention of him says he works at the 118, this is the 118, so where is he?” 

“And I’m telling you, he doesn’t work here any more, he hasn’t worked here in years.” Buck could tell what Bobby was doing, he wasn’t lying to these men, simply omitting information. Because he was right, Evan Buckley didn’t work at the 118, but that was because Evan Buckley didn’t exist anymore. 

The main man was getting frustrated, so he nodded to one of his guys, “Get the small one.” 

One of his thugs grabbed Bassey, easily keeping the five foot woman restrained with one arm around her arms and chest, his free hand holding a gun to her temple. That threw Buck’s plan to make a surprise attack out of the window, because if he did the man might startle and accidentally shoot Cat, or he’d do it on purpose, there was no way of knowing. 

So instead he decided to toy with them, if he couldn’t surprise them he could psych them out. 

“You know, if you’d just said please I would’ve shown myself sooner.” He said, stepping out from behind the engine. Every head in the room snapped towards him as he stood there with a relaxed posture, axe held lazily in one hand, flicking it about like it wasn’t a deadly weapon, “So, why don’t you release Cat and let everyone leave, then we can talk, just us.” 

“Yeah, that’s not gonna fly.” The main guy scoffed. 

“And why’s that?” Buck still looked unphased. 

“They’re my bargaining chip.” 

Buck chuckled, “Right, because you need something from me.” Buck put the head of the axe on the floor, leaning on the top of the handle, “So, spit it out, because I’m getting bored already.” 

“You’re pretty fucking cocky for a guy who’s at a disadvantage in a hostage situation. One the cops don’t even know about.”

Buck decided to really play up the blaze and unphased persona he had on, using it to hide the cold and calculated SEAL underneath it all, “Oh, I have been in far worse situations than this, and, uh, not to sound like a cliche but you’re the ones stuck in here with me, not the other way around.” 

The man laughed sarcastically, “Wow, real corny, and here I was thinking you were some real life, badass war hero.” 

“Can’t a man be both? But, look, enough chit chat, are you going to make your demands now, or what?” The sooner Buck could get this over with the better, because one glance over at Cat was more than enough to get him moving. If it wasn’t for the terrified look on her face, skin having gone completely white as fat, silent tears ran down her face, body shaking like a leaf, then he would’ve kept toying with the men, but he needed to get her away from them and the gun that was being rammed into her temple. “But first, how about you let her go back to the group. I promise I will hear you out and cooperate if you take the gun away from Cat’s head and let her stand with the others. An act of goodwill.” 

After a second the man relented, flicking his wrist in a lazy gesture prompting the man who had Cat to release her and shove her back into the group, Hen catching her and holding her tightly as the young woman sobbed into her shoulder. 

“Thank you.” Buck said, voice sincere and genuine, “So, what do you want?” 

“I saw your little video.” The man seethed, "And, well, I’m ex-navy myself, always wanted to be a SEAL but I never made it through BUDs-”

“Yeah, BUDs was a bitch.” Buck chirped in an attempt to find common ground with this guy, to connect, only this time the guy didn’t seem too pleased with Buck’s interjection. 

He raised his gun and pointed it at Buck, “Shut it! I’m talking.” He snapped, his mood getting far more dangerous far too quickly for Buck’s liking, “That could’ve been me, except I was stuck in the shitty Navy, whilst my perfect brother-in-law was running around Afghanistan with his perfect little killing machines, and then I see all of that shit from Norway, just when I thought I’d let go and moved on, Norway comes out. And you, you were there, you who was a groom's man at my sister’s wedding, who years later just began appearing at family dinners, you whose praises my brother-in-law sang as if you were his own son and I was reminded of how much I hate you.” 

“Wait? Walter? Walter Nargol?” Shit, Venga’s brother-in-law hadn’t been one of the most stable of individuals, but when he was booted from the Navy he went off the rails. He’d mellowed, or at least Buck thought he had, as he’d always been fine enough when Venga would take Buck to family meals when he was recovering from the bullet wound, but clearly he was one misstep away from spiralling, and that misstep had been the leaked Norway footage. 

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” He pulled the mask off, to, unsurprisingly, reveal Walter Nargol.

“Look, man, I don’t know what you’re planning on doing here but I can call Bradley, we can sit down and talk this out like adults.” 

“No, no way, that’s not what’s happening here.” 

“So what is happening here?” Buck was having a hard time maintaining this personable front, his SEAL mentality fighting to take charge. 

“I am going to kill every single person here whilst you watch, and then I’ll kill you last in the slowest and most horrific way possible.”

That was enough to give Buck permission to say fuck it, letting his face drop, voice going cold, “That’s not happening.” All of the usual musicality in his voice disappeared, that sense of the uncanny valley returning. 

“You’re not the one in charge here.”

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah, I’ve got three other guys and guns whilst you’re one person with a fucking axe.” The guy spat, “Even for someone like you the odds are heavily stacked against you.” 

“You’re in my house Walter, I’m on home turf, and that is my family you are holding hostage.” He changed his grip on the axe so he was holding it properly, “You think you know everything about me because of one bachelor party, a few family dinners and some footage of me going berserk when I was just an idiot kid? You haven’t even scratched the surface and you definitely don’t want to see what I can do in person.” Buck didn’t break eye contact, even as he directed his voice over at the 118, “Hey Eddie, tell Walter what I did to the cunt that kidnapped my little brother.” 

“Blew a finger right off and then killed him with a close range shot through the lung.” Eddie’s voice was calm, a dangerous edge of his own in there.

“And that’s not even the worst thing I’ve done, not by a long shot.” Buck took a few steps towards him, the axe dragging along the floor, “I should cut your friend’s arm off just for touching Cat, but I’m feeling generous and I don’t want to put my family through the trauma of seeing that, so I’ll let him keep it. And as I’m feeling so nice today I’ll give you the courtesy of a peaceful solution; you can put your guns down, walk away, and we’ll call it a day. Or you keep standing there, and I won’t hesitate to end you, because there isn’t a single living soul who could hurt my family and get away with it, is that clear? 

“What you saw in that video was what I was like when I had nothing, I killed because it was the only thing I was good for. But I promise you, I am so much worse now because I actually have something to fight for now, I have a family to protect, and right now I need to protect them from you and your goons. So what will it be?” By this point Buck was nose to nose with Walter, looking down at him with thunder in his eyes. 

“I’m not scared of you.” He challenged.

“Fighting words, I like it. But I don’t think your friends are on the same page.” 

As Walter turned to look at the other men, he could see the looks of abject terror on their faces, even with the masks on. Buck brought the axe up and smashed the hilt into Walter’s temple, knocking him out instantly. 

Buck didn’t really want to kill anyone so he chucked the axe, it had become more of a scare tactic than anything so he didn’t have any use for it. 

The first of Walter’s thugs was easy enough to disarm, a swift elbow to the face leaving him incapacitated long enough for him to move onto the next guy. As he went to shoot, Buck grabbed his wrist and pushed it away, before the man could process it he finished pulling the trigger, so when it fired the bullet went straight for the final man’s abdomen, Buck managing to avoid anything too vital. 

He then disarmed the man and yanked him into a half nelson. He brought the man down to his knees so he could plant a solid foot between his shoulder blades, pushing him down whilst he yanked the arm up, destroying the man’s shoulder in one swift motion. 

But Buck didn’t have time to slow, the first thug coming at him again, having recovered from the elbow to the face. Buck got him into an Irish whip, and then into an achilles lock from there, but the man managed to push him off, getting back to his feet. 

The guy was a good fighter, the pair beginning to flow as hits were thrown and landed left, right and centre. 

No one stepped in to help, the three other masked men still out cold on the floor whilst the rest of the 118 knew it was best to hang back. 

Feasibly Eddie could help, he was a bloody good fighter, but with the effortlessness Buck moved with it was clear he’d only get in the way. So instead he watched, captivated by his husband. He’d never seen Buck fight like this before, in the Norway footage there’d been some of him with a gun, a sight Eddie had already been familiar with. But there’d been a fair bit of close range combat as well; knife, unarmed, but it hadn’t been like this. Because here it was like a dance, like watching a ballet dancer, whilst Norway had been nothing but brutality, the way each punch was meant to hurt, working to break something or to kill. But Buck clearly wasn’t fighting to kill anymore, no signs of him trying to make a grab for the man’s head so he could snap his neck or to punch him hard enough he would get a brain bleed. If anything it looked like he was trying to get a liver shot in so he could knock the guy out, something Eddie had learnt was Buck’s signature move when he was in close range. 

It only took a minute before Buck was able to land the liver shot Eddie had been waiting for, the man crumpling to the ground. 

As soon as he was down Bobby began giving orders, “RC, Sess, zip-tie these guys hands, Hen and Chim check their injuries over. Eddie, Kenny, work on getting these doors open. King, Muniz, unblock that door. The cops are already on their way so the rest of you can disperse but don’t leave as they’ll need to take statements.” Bobby then leant over to Jimenez and whispered into his ear, the former then walked over to Bassey so he could look after his best friend/work partner who was still a wreck, understandably. 

But before Jimenez could get to Cat she darted forward and pulled Buck into a hug, even though she was well over a foot shorter than him she easily wrestled him down to her level and squeezed all of the air out of him, “Thank you so much.” She blubbered, her tears soaking through Buck’s top instantly. 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, as long as I’m here no one is going to hurt you, I promise.”

“I’m sorry I was scared of you.” She whispered, “Should’ve known you wouldn’t do that to us.” 

Buck let out a small chuckle, “It’s alright Cat, seriously, I get it. I haven’t seen the footage but I remember what I was like back then, but I’m not that person anymore.” 

Cat pulled back and lightly punched him on the arm, still sniffling, “Good, I like you too much to see you have a villain arc.” 

Buck rolled his eyes fondly, “I’m honoured.” 

“You should be.” And with that she went over to Jimenez, wiping her eyes as she went. 

“So, back to the 118 tomorrow.” Eddie said, wrapping his arms around Buck from behind as his husband pulled the plug out of the kitchen sink. 

“Thank god.” Buck jokingly huffed, “I am so glad I’m out of dispatch, “It’s so awkward with Maddie, and everyone can tell, it just makes it so uncomfortable when I’m in the breakroom or on the floor.” 

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that ever again.” Eddie reassured him, “Tomorrow you come home.” 

Buck turned his head so he could kiss Eddie, “Yeah, I do. I’d ask you not to make a fuss but I know you won’t listen.” He chuckled. 

“You know what Hen’s like, she wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

“Well, it better be a good cake then.” 

“Cake?” Chris piped up from the kitchen table where he was doing some colouring, “Where?” 

Eddie released Buck and went around to scoop Chris up, “Your Baba is going back to his real job tomorrow which means there’s going to be a party.” 

Chris clapped excitedly, “And parties have cake.” 

“Exactly.” Buck came around and joined his husband and son, “Do I get to know what’s been planned though? I promise I’ll pretend to be surprised." 

“You’re a terrible actor Buck, everyone will know I gave it away.” 

“Boo, you’re no fun.” Buck heckled before turning to their son, “Your Daddy’s a meanie.” 

“Yeah, meanie.” Chris parroted. 

Eddie gasped in faux indignation, “How could you turn our son against me?” 

Buck stuck his tongue out at him before scooping Chris out of his husband's arms, “It’s easy, you’re so easy to bully.” 

Eddie laughed loudly, “You’re lucky I love you.” 

“Aww, you love me?” Buck mocked before softening, “It’s a good thing I love you too.” He pressed a kiss to Eddie’s cheek and then a big, wet one to Chris’ cheek, getting an ‘ew’ out of the boy as he aggressively wiped his cheek. 

Although there was cake and a banner at the start of their shift the real party was at the Grant-Nash house after work. 

And the party was big, all of A-shift, their partners and kids were there, Bobby sparking up the barbecue to cook for everyone. 

The garden was full of chatter and laughter, soft music playing as everyone mingled under the fairy lights that were strung all around the garden. 

At some point Buck had been handed a child who he had propped up on his hip, bouncing them as he spoke to Sess and his wife. Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off of him, no longer paying attention to the conversation he’d been having with Hen, Karen, Cat and her girlfriend. 

Eddie couldn’t believe how good Buck was with kids, he made it look effortless, and all of a sudden it hit him; he wanted to have another kid. He didn’t care how they did it, if they adopted, found an egg donor and surrogate they didn’t already know, he was open to anything, as long as he and Buck got to raise another baby together, to give Chris a sibling. Don’t get him wrong, Eddie loved their family as it was, but the thought of adding a fourth member just felt so right. 

So, although it was probably a bit rude, Eddie just walked off, leaving the conversation so he could go and be with Buck. 

“Who’s this little fella then?” Eddie asked when he reached his husband. 

“This is Jamie.” Buck replied, “Jamie, can you say hi?” 

The small child gave him a shy wave, “Hi.” 

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you.” Eddie replied. 

“We’ve been meaning to bring him by for ages,” Sess said, “But we can never find the right time.” 

“But this seemed like the perfect opportunity.” His wife, Holly, added. 

The four of them continued to chat for a bit, but eventually Jamie drifted off to sleep in Buck’s arms. 

“I’d better give this little guy back to you, otherwise I might just have to keep him.” Buck joked, handing Jamie back to his Mum. 

“Well, any time you want to babysit for us we’d never say no to a childfree date night.” Holly gave him a cheeky little grin. 

Buck chuckled, “Next time I have baby cramps I’ll let you know so you can arrange a night out, just the two of you.” 

“See this, this is why you’re my favourite.” 

“Suck it Jock, your wife prefers me over you.” Buck stuck his tongue out at the other firefighter who rolled his eyes affectionately. 

“Sure, you keep telling yourself that.” 

“I don’t need to, she just said it.” 

“Stop trying to steal my wife Grant, your husband is right there.” 

Eddie yet again got lost in just how wonderful Buck was as he bantered with Sess and Holly so effortlessly. 

“You know I’d rather not lose my husband, especially to such a beautiful woman-” Eddie began, getting a ‘you charmer’ from Holly, “- so I’d best take him away.”

So with that Buck and Eddie slipped away to the end of the garden. As soon as they were out of sight Eddie pulled Buck into a kiss, “What was that for?” Buck asked, a lightness to his voice that never failed to take Eddie’s breath away.

“Nothing, just wanted to kiss you.” He told him, giving his husband another quick kiss, “But I’ve been thinking-”

“Did it hurt?” Buck jabbed, a cheeky smirk making itself at home on his face.

“Fuck off,” Eddie scoffed before picking up his train of thought, “I was thinking, why don’t we have another kid? It doesn’t have to be right away but-” 

“Yes!” Buck practically squealed, “Fuck, Eddie, yes, yes, I want another kid with you.” The pair of them were laughing, overjoyed at the effortless decision. But suddenly Buck’s face dropped, “But how? We- we can’t ask Maddie, I, I can’t ask her.”

“I know, but we can find another way, we can adopt, or there are plenty of women who donate their eggs and others who want to be surrogates, there are so many ways we can do it.” 

The smile returned to Buck’s face, “Alright, let’s do this! Tomorrow we’ll begin researching and we’ll take it from there.” 

They were suddenly pulled from their conversation by a knife clinking against a glass, “Is Buck anywhere?” They heard Cairney ask.

Buck and Eddie headed back to the group, “Over here!” He called out, seeing RC stood on a chair with a champagne flute in hand. 

“Ah, the man of the hour!” He declared, clearly already a few too many drinks deep, “Buck, let me be the first to say tonight that we are all so glad to have you back, but we are also extremely sorry for the way we’ve behaved these last few months, it’s been very uncool of us. 

“That footage- we all knew that that wasn’t you, that wasn’t the Buck that we know and love, but it was hard to separate your face from the actions. But I think we all knew, deep down, that you’d never go berserk like that again but there was that ‘what if’ that we all stupidly gave in to. 

“We’re so incredibly sorry that our actions led to you having to leave us for a brief period, but we are so grateful that you never gave up on us and that you have let us back into your life even though we treated you horribly. You are such an important member of this team, of this family, and we are so lucky to have you, and not just because you got us all out of a hostage situation.” There was a ripple of laughter from everyone present, "Welcome home Buck.” 

Everyone raised their glasses, “Welcome home.” Echoed around the garden. 

“Uh, t-thank you everyone.” He replied, only for everyone to start chanting ‘speech’, “Oh, God, okay, uh. Thank you for that RC, I really appreciate it. Uh, firstly, just to make it clear I’m not holding any grudges and I get it, I do, I haven’t seen the footage but I remember how it felt, what it was like back then, and I understand your reactions. 

“But I promise all of you, I’m not that person any more and I never want to be him again. The only reason I’d ever reach anything close to that again was if someone is threatening or trying to harm my family, and that’s you guys. 

“I know you all know that I had a pretty shit hand at it growing up, that my birth parents sucked big time and that I’m no longer on speaking terms with my sister. But when I look around and see all of you, that doesn’t hurt anywhere near as much as it should. Like families we have our falling outs, but the important thing is that we put that behind us and move forward, with love and kindness, and that’s exactly what we do at the 118. So thank you.” 

Once he’d finished speaking there was applause and whistles from everyone present. 

It had been a tough few years since they’d returned from Afghanistan, full of ups and downs, but in moments like this Buck was reminded of how lucky he was, and how much better his life had gotten. Because now he had a family, a family he chose, that he chose to love and chose to love him back. He had two wonderful parents, and an abundance of siblings whose love was never conditional, whose love was unwavering through it all. He’d found his soul mate and together they’d had a son who was the light of Buck’s life, and it felt like he could do anything with them by his side. 

God, Buck felt so loved, more loved than he’d ever thought possible and he couldn’t get enough of it. 

And then, a year later, his life somehow managed to become even better; May had joined the 118 as a paramedic, becoming Hen’s partner when Ravi decided he wanted to go back to being a firefighter. And Eddie’s sister, Sophia, gave birth to the fourth member of the Grant-Nash Diaz family, a little girl called Ruby Grant-Nash Diaz. 

Buck couldn’t believe how good he’d got it. He wouldn’t say he got lucky, because that just did a disservice to all of the work they’d all put into this family, it would imply that this had all happened by chance or coincidence, but it hadn’t. He’d built this, he and Eddie, they’d built a life for themselves that they actually wanted, and that they loved. Through the ups and the downs their lives truly were all the better for it, because they finally had a family. A real one.