Chapter Text
It was dizzying, standing there at Elphaba’s side.
Elphaba…
Oh, Elphaba.
This festering guilt-knot in the pit of her stomach writhed like it was alive. A sensation she had never experienced before and was eager to put behind her, but the tears that escaped down Elphaba’s face, running down to her chin were fuel to the pyre.
Galinda’s thoughts raced, in the party haze she felt head-rush. Almost like the room was spinning on a top around her. Whirling the other way was the crowd. The ground rocked beneath her.
Her hand moved without thought, cupping her cheek so her thumb could brush her tears away. She cradled her cold skin and thought, rather miserably, that Elphaba would have been a friend worth having a long time ago.
It’s like watching herself from the crowd. Her brief, fleeting impulse became a reality without thought, without intention. A daydream played out as reality.
Cold.
Her lips were as cold as her cheek. She was cold like she had never been held before. Even the sun had failed to touch her tenderly.
Maybe it was the cold that shocked her out of the backseat; maybe it was how soft her lips were.
When she pulled back, she felt just as shocked as Elphaba looked.
The ghost of her touch printed in pink lipstick on Elphaba’s lips.
A burning heat scorched it’s way up her face, a wildfire in her blood. There was a tightness in her throat that felt nearly suffocating. Her throat might close, entirely. She could feel all the eyes on them, or they were just incredulously on her. Needle sharp, boring into her with burning intensity. Scorching to her bones.
She could only look at Elphaba.
Galinda grabbed her by the hand and squeezed it tight. Tethered to her, she took off across the dance floor. She drug her through the crowd for the exit. Their incredulous audience parted seconds ahead of the duo, leaving them a clear path to flee through.
“Galinda—” They were flying up the stairs, Elphaba just barely keeping up on her heels. If it weren’t for the steel grasp Galinda had on her wrist, she would have fallen behind many steps ago. She probably wouldn’t have followed her this far at all.
The daze Galinda put the room, and Elphaba, in was beginning to wear off as they reached the top. Quick, murmured chatter erupted from below and created a pursuant static that chased them up the stairs.
The cold night air was like a splash of water. She gulped it in like she had been drowning. It did nothing to clear Galinda’s head.
Elphaba put her heels down, forcing Galinda to a jerky stop that made her immediately whip around to face her like she was attached to her by a spring.
Don’t look at me like that, She thought defensively, feeling herself unwillingly grimace. Elphaba pulled her hand out of her grip and her empty hand pulled back against her stomach, finding her other one to hold onto instead.
“What… What was that?”
Her hands twisted, pushed, and pulled each other so hard, her joints ached. Galinda found control of her facial muscles again, flashing her a smile that only looked a little bit strained. Her eyebrows uncontrollably pinched in the middle of her face. “What was what?” She asked lightly, her voice pitched up several octaves uncomfortably. One of her hands darted up to her hair, tossing a wave of blonde over her shoulder.
“Don’t-- Don’t do that, this isn’t funny.”
“Well, I’m certainly not laughing.”
“Galinda!”
That heat in her face was still there. It scorched her skin from the inside out. Maybe this was a fever dream. The sight of her walking into the party had simply been too much. The guilt of setting her up made her sick. She must have simply collapsed, hit her head on the way down a little too hard; this was all an elaborate nightmare comprised of her mixed up feelings.
Obsession manifests in many ways, doesn’t it? This was a situation so far beyond comprehension, it had to be head trauma.
Galinda begged herself to wake up, but there was no sign this was the most vivid nightmare she had ever slept through. When her nails dug crescent grooves into the back of her hands, she was forced to address reality. Elphaba was standing in front of her, clear as day.
Real. Confused. And hurt.
Her emerald eyes twinkled in the night, wet with tears that still had the potential to fall. They begged for an answer in Galinda’s own. She desperately wanted to look away, but she was stuck.
The silence was deafening. Or, maybe, that was the blood roaring in her ears.
There wasn’t an answer. She couldn’t have answered it for herself. Galinda’s voice was soft, just loud enough to not be considered a whisper. She forced herself to speak, to keep her tears from falling. “I just… Felt so bad.”
“You felt bad?” Elphaba countered, sounding far less patient than Galinda would have liked. The heel of her hand dug into her eyes hard enough that she was sure it should have hurt. Her furious, dry gaze focused on her again and Galinda almost took a step back.
“It was just a little kiss—”
“It was my first,” She snapped back impatiently. “And now, all it will ever be is a pity kiss from the girl who hates me.”
“First-- No,” Galinda’s words stumbled past her lips as Elphaba started walking again, this time going past Galinda to march down the path alone. “Wait- no it’s not like that!”
“How stupid could I have been to trust you?” She spat into the darkness. “How stupid do you think I am?”
“Elphaba!”
“Clearly, I must be pretty stupid to have shown up at all! So stupid. I can’t believe I thought you-- Ugh!”
Galinda caught her by the sleeve, forcing her to a stop. When she stilled, Galinda got a better grip on her arm and held her steady, so she couldn’t continue to storm off. Both hands clutched her forearm.
Elphaba’s face was twisted with a mix of raw, vulnerable anger and a deep sadness. Her head turned far enough that she couldn’t see it for long. That twisting discomfort writhed inside of Galinda again. She squeezed and pulled her arm closer to her. “I don’t hate you.”
“I find that hard to believe.” Elphaba jerked her arm to the side, trying to shake her hands off of it, but she only held tighter.
“I thought I did! I really, really… really… Thought so. And maybe I did, a little bit.” Galinda had to talk quickly if she wanted to win Elphaba over before her patience wore out. If only her brain could keep up with her mouth, right now. “I just- I realized that I could be wrong about you. Perhaps I judged you a little harshly…”
“Oh, for the love of Oz!”
“Elphie, please!”
“Elphie?”
Galinda nodded earnestly. Her big, pleading gaze met Elphaba’s unwavering hurt again. The wind whistled past them, casting a chill over her bare shoulders. She shivered uncomfortably and Elphaba hesitated.
“Elphie…” Galinda repeated with a voice like a windchime. “I really, truly didn’t mean to upset you.”
“...You didn’t.” She still sounded doubtful.
“...I didn’t care, at first.” She admitted weakly. “And then I saw you there… You…” Elphaba broke her gaze away, scanning the dark instead with a furrowed scowl. She rubbed her thumb over the back of her hand. “You were amazing.”
“Don’t make fun of me, please.” Elphaba pleaded, her voice straining desperately.
“I’m not! Elphie, you were… Magical.”
“Everyone was making fun of me.” Elphaba’s voice was so quiet, it was almost lost.
“It was awful.” Galinda agreed softly. It was like she struck her; Elphaba squeezed her eyes shut, almost recoiling from the admission. Galinda took a step closer, into her personal space. She kept her hand gently squeezed in her own. Her other cupped her cheek. After a few heartbeats spent in silence, Elphaba just barely tipped her head into her hand. “I’m so sorry, Elphie.”
“I’m so tired of being laughed at.”
“I won’t let anyone else laugh at you.” Galinda found herself promising. Again, with more conviction, she promised her. “No one is going to laugh at you, okay? I promise. Cross my heart, Elphie.”
Elphaba breathed out a soft, bitter laugh. Galinda found herself looking at her lips, just for a moment. A glance stolen far quicker than her kiss and thankfully, the impulse remained a thought, this time.
“Let’s go back to our room.” Galinda offered gently, swinging their hands between the two of them. “We can get comfortable in our pajamas.” Her hand retracted from her face, the back of her hand perching against her own forehead, while her voice dropped playfully. “Talk about that cool dance… Hmm?”
Elphaba’s eyes sparkled in the night. Wet and tired. A trace of amusement, just barely there.
Galinda’s heart twisted in her chest. That violent ache beneath her ribs yearned to pull her close and, mystifyingly enough, still wanted to kiss her.
The trip back was quiet. Each of the girls was lost to her own thoughts.
For most of the way, Galinda held onto Elphaba’s hand. Tracing patterns absentmindedly in the back of her hand. Their eyes only met when a stolen glance was timed poorly.