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Colin rushed his breakfast, and she was alarmed when he nudged her off his lap before she insisted it was indecent.
It was not an immediate source of concern to find Colin up early, dressed to be presentable to the general mob and clutching a folder of papers. He was working on his writing. He had estate business to manage and his brother would ask him to act as a proxy if needed. It wasn’t a mad thing for him to be ready to leave the house the moment the sun rose. It was unusual enough to make Penelope smile. She assumed he was very much looking forward to a meeting, and that must be about his publishing. She always wanted to hear about his day and encourage his efforts.
So she reached up to kiss him and he bent down, but he also pulled the folio away from her instinctively. She was hugged with one arm, where he would normally set down anything he held to hold her. And they had only been married a few months.
Lady Whistledown was not behind them. She was with them, side-by-side. She was no longer the enemy now that Colin knew her to be his own beloved wife. However, she was not a comfortable presence. Sometimes her past actions would be mentioned and a shame would rise over both of them. Colin could not separate from her, and it did not matter that he was not her husband at the time. Her guilt fell on both of them now.
“You are mysterious today,” she said. “Are you late for something? Did Anthony ask you to help?”
“I am - I have arranged to see the lawyers. Nothing much to do but some papers need to be signed and also filed with them. Just so everything is safe if we need replacements,” Colin told her.
He didn’t look irritated by the task. He wasn’t even trying to think of reasons why she could come along, get dropped off for tea and he would join her once he was finished. Penelope knew finding out she was pregnant would make life different. She did not imagine it would mean she was shielded from news. Colin knew she loved to hear everything. She was a gossipy old biddy of a wife now, and she did not try to hide it.
“Is everything well with you?”
“I am fine.” But he did not properly smile, only flexed his closed mouth at her.
“I will see you later, then,” Penelope said. She put a hand to her belly and he touched her there.
“I will be very quick,” Colin said. “Our lawyers have as little patience for my visits as I do. They offer me tea like they have poisoned it, and I always say I am expected home soon for plans you have made for me without my knowledge. Then I roll my eyes as if I am an exasperated husband, and they are merely glad I am taking my leave. They might consider you a heroine, honestly. There is something about a meeting that makes me squirm.”
She frowned and pulled away. “You act disgruntled with our marriage to them?”
Colin shook his head, his face going blank. “No. No! I play at it, but I am obvious in my desire to be at home with you,” he said. “It is a white lie to allow them to kick me out without having to say as much. And I am sincere in wanting to come back to you. It’s a hardship to be alone now. I do not like it. I look back on my travels and wonder that I did not end up married to my valet in some odd ceremony just so I had someone obliged to talk with me about nothing of consequence.”
“I don’t want to be a nagging wife,” Penelope told him.
“You are delightful, always! But I must make myself do these errands that ensure everything is correct and done well. One can pay for the work to be done, but it’s important to be aware of the process. I will return soon. If you like, I will bring a present. What would you like?”
She shook her head. “Bring me a kiss.”
He sighed, and he finally put down the folder and put both arms around her, lifting her to tiptoes carefully. He knew she did not feel comfortable being picked up. It was nice he could, but she was not used to such exuberance. They were also being a little cautious around her middle even though their baby was yet tiny.
“You are so charming I might not be able to go,” Colin whispered. “I will give you a kiss now, for you should not have to wait.”
He pulled her into his chest, his hands on her lower back. She reached up to stroke his chin, and murmured as Colin took his time kissing with sweet alternating plucks of his mouth over her upper and lower lip. He smiled against her mouth and swayed them like dancing. It was almost enough to lose herself in her husband, but he was not secretive. He hated secrets and they were careful not to build suspense over needing privacy.
“Thank you.”
One evening a few weeks ago, they had told how they felt right after their first kiss. Penelope had gone to her room and cried a little before making herself go to bed with the aim to face courtship with even worse chances than before. She had mourned him. And Colin had stood in the garden until Rae went out to shoo him away. He had been stunned with pleasure and longing. He had been offended that she would thank him for something that was for both of them. He had also been punishing his younger self for not knowing he loved her, then repressing all of it because of his low hopes.
“Pen, it is my joy to kiss you,” he said. “And I will bring a present, too. Where are my papers?”
She was closer to the desk where they were set by dint of being shorter. Penelope picked them up first, and she opened the leather cover. “Did you remember your signatures on everything,” she teased. “Oh, they are copies of our marriage register. Many copies. Are you - Why do you need so many? What are the lawyers going to do?”
Her voice was sharp and she heard it, but it was only months since they had a whispered argument about calling off their wedding. Penelope trusted her husband, but he suddenly looked very guilty.
“I do not really need so many,” Colin said. “I just . . . Important papers for the estate are duplicated and kept in different offices for us as well as our homes. We also keep bank boxes with the same documents across the continent. We do not think we shall ever have to flee England, but we needed to have a plan to send the women and children away. France was at peace until it was not. So now everything that is fundamental to our family is sent all over and stored. Anthony has set up a box most recently in India. It is my intention to have our marriage in writing across the map, so there can be no question.”
She was humbled by the worry in his gaze. He truly did think she was a treasure others would steal, and feared she would be tempted. But it was not a lack of trust in her, because she had made it clear how much of her being arose from their friendship and the things they had in common. If not for their son she could have left him, though the act would be a betrayal of every version of her. She was a Bridgerton.
“Do you imagine Lord Debling will return years hence to question the paternity of our child? Or that I will knock my head and forget you,” she asked. “I am here. Death will have a fight to take me, so men cannot even push me back a step. I am at present carrying a small Bridgerton, so I am two Bridgertons at once! Colin, do you understand I am yours?”
He shrugged. “I know you are. I do not worry about you. I need to know it is plain to read, and if we one day go to another country I will be able to show I am your husband. If we are abroad and there is some calamity I must be able to prove who I am to claim you. It is foolish and fretful, but I keep our marriage certificate with me when I go out.”
She watched as he worked a tightly folded page out of his pocket. It was looking ill-used, but she let Colin unfold it. Once open, it was all the proof of their love that could be written for clerks and offices. The marriage certificate was familiar. The second page was plain letter vellum, with calculations of dates for months of the year. Colin had been intent on taking notes for his journals, and she almost recognized the numbers. The lines all came down to the date they were given as an estimated birthday for their baby.
“You do not have to keep us in writing,” she said. “We are here and want to be with you. But if it makes you feel any better, I will write us down for you. I will put it on something smaller that will not stretch out your pockets. How were you sitting down with that great brick of paper on your ribs?”
Colin smiled with chagrin. “I am being silly. I will get over this feeling. I know you will not leave, and I certainly will not leave you or our child. But it is different now outside the house. Things can happen. I keep having to check that the fireplace is not throwing sparks. I cannot imagine losing my family.”
Penelope brushed her hand along his back and sat at her desk. She took a fresh page and dipped her quill. “If you were a bee and unable to speak, I would be a flower waiting for you to fly to me. If you were iron threaded through rock, I would be a blacksmith's fire to melt you. If you were merely a dream, I would become a cloud and we would collide and mix together. There is no way to keep us apart, and we will be a larger family soon. Our baby is as tenacious as his parents, and loved immensely from his tiniest form. He will have siblings and we will have happiness. Should you be a former suitor of Penelope Featherington, be warned she is a Bridgerton now and will only accept a love match. I love you, Colin. Baby also loves you.”
He was looking at her with an embarrassed grin, having given up on reading while she orated her words. Colin sighed. “That is lovely. You are so very lovely. I am undeserving but grateful.”
She stood up. “And I have signed it Mrs. Penelope Bridgerton. You will notice it is not dated as it will not end. I am a permanent offer, and should you rue your bargain I will have no pity,” Penelope said.
“I am terrified, truly. I am a captive groom of Lady Whistledown. You ruined me and took me for yourself. What a ruthless woman, I always supposed, and I know it is true. I understand I will never be free from you,” Colin agreed, putting on a dire pout.
“And I have forced you to give me heirs to cement everything. I am your doom.”
He watched her folding the page into a compact square. It slipped nicely into his waistcoat without pulling at the decorative threads. Colin stroked her belly. “Well the baby cannot be faulted, but you clearly need to be supervised so you do not take your plotting to excess. I will have to be in your company every day. I will not even go out today,” he said.
She tugged at his sleeves. “No, I demand the whole world know I have won you for my husband. I want to be sure I could step off a ship in South America and be presented with a crisp copy of my marriage record,” she said. “Hurry back though, so I may demand more kisses.”
Colin picked up his folder, looking at her abashed. “You are making fun of me. I am not foolish, you know. I was quite carefree until my care included you,” he said softly. “You are not a predictable wife at all.”
Penelope squeezed his hand. “You must observe me further to know me. I think a few more decades will unlock my essence. Perhaps you will defeat me eventually.”
He chuckled. “Even if I stumbled into victory I would be stricken to have done so. Goodbye, my love. I will be back very soon,” he called.
She glared playfully. “I will allow this small absence, Husband, but I will be jealous, possessive and stripping upon your return.”
He nearly pulled the door into his face as he was trying to leave, and she giggled herself into a case of baby-related hiccups.
“Goodness, your daddy is a wonder,” Penelope said, looking at her belly. “You must come out able to tell him you love him. We will practice. I love you. Daddy loves you. Now you try.”
Then she settled into her chair to listen, and nodded as if it was faintly answered. “Very good, but a little quiet. We’ll keep on. I love you and Daddy loves you. Your turn.”